4 RING SHRIMP posted:

GOD BLESS JOHNNY MANZIEL

old dog child posted:

I bet he slipped in his shower

Chilichimp posted:

That's what happened to Tevin Coleman... I don't know why the announcers wouldn't say that vs what they did say, "Freak Shower Accident."

Magicpants posted:

Well, actually, they were correct. You see, Tevin began his rigid shower routine as he did every day at 7:30 p.m. As always, he applied soap to his washcloth for 20 seconds. He began to scrub face with small counterclockwise motions beginning with his upper right forehead. Unknown to him, Leon Dreyfus, his neighbor one floor above and three rooms further down was experiencing trouble with his sink. Growing up in Cholet, Mr. Dreyfus never had garbage disposal and thus did not know that he might have verily easily fixed the clog by flipping the switch near the sink, which he had only used once and was terrified by the loud noises it made.

Fortunately, thought Mr. Dreyfus, his cousin, Jacques Gagnier, a strongman of some renown in Pays de la Loire, was visiting with him for the week. Mr. Dreyfus had picked up a set of keys dropped by the doorman two days prior. Mr. Dreyfus had every intention of returning the keys but was a curious man and wanted to explore the locked doors in the building. He was especially hopeful to find a stairwell to the roof. Mr. Dreyfus loved heights since he was a young boy. He would climb to the top of his parent's apartment building and gaze out at the town, the people below, or the sky for hours. He once brought a young lady that he loved up there with him. He kissed her and she turned away to gaze at the horizon as she told him that she had fallen madly in love with the chocolatier's son, who was older, taller and read Italian poetry to her. She said they planned to run away to Milan, but that she would send the young Leon a postcard once they settled down. She asked Leon not to hate her and kissed him on the cheek before she left. Leon never again climbed onto a roof and developed a severe prejudice against Italians, which was fortunate that he never met any.

As Tevin began scrubbing his left armpit, Mr. Dreyfus and Jacques found the door to the basement. The third key they tried opened the door. The two decided it would be smartest to turn off the water before clearing what they assumed was poor drainage to the sewer. Tevin was scrubbing behind his right knee when the water was shut off. The landlord had burnt his hand baking frozen fish sticks and was running it under a hot tap. Confused and annoyed, the landlord retrieved the building super and the two made their way to the basement. Mr. Dreyfus was 5 days late on his rent, and had been late the past three months, a source of friction between Mr. Dreyfus and the landlord. Upon discovering Mr. Dreyfus and Jacques tampering with the plumbing, the landlord flew into a fit of rage and began beating Mr. Dreyfus about the shoulders and screaming insults. Jacques, who spoke only very limited English, was naturally upset by this stranger attacking his cousin. Jacques grabbed the landlord by the collar and hurled him careening into a pipe, which broke it at the coupling and spewed greywater over the man's face. Terrified, the super bolted for the door. Mr. Dreyfus restrained Jacques as the landlord recovered from his shock and hurled more insults at the two.

Tevin heard some peculiar noises coming from the shower head. Hesitantly, he leaned his ear to it, and was surprised the detect the faint, but distinct sound of a man's voice. He could have sworn he heard the shower head whisper "sonuvabitch" at him. Mr. Dreyfus apologized profusely to the landlord, he even got on his knees and wrung his hands. He promised to fix the damages, and to demonstrate, told Jacques to fit the broken pipes together. Jacques had no experience in plumbing and was not aware that residual pipe material was lodged in the coupling. Jacques did have much experience being a strongman, however, and so attempted to force the broken pipe together. When it inevitably failed, he simply tried harder and harder until he was swinging the pipes to his full wingspan and smashing them together.

Tevin began hearing some very odd noises from his shower head. When he noticed it vibrating, he turned his head and stared at it dumbfounded. The shower head shot out and struck him on the brow, causing Tevin to fall backwards, knock his head on the back of the tub and become unconscious.

Brannock posted:

MY NIGGA D-LINK posted:

I love you Johnny Football

Your friend,

Bodie

4 RING SHRIMP posted:

Vaya con dios

AAA DOLFAN posted:

Johnny to Dallas and it'll cost them zero draft picks hahaha

Chilichimp posted:

Jesus Christ, the Browns are so loving dumb.

AAA DOLFAN posted:

Johnny to Dallas and it'll cost them zero draft picks hahaha

MY NIGGA D-LINK posted:

I love you Johnny Football

Your friend,

Bodie

Hijo Del Helmsley posted:

But by the same token, Johnny Manziel is so loving dumb too.

A match made in heaven.

Hijo Del Helmsley posted:

But by the same token, Johnny Manziel is so loving dumb too.

A match made in heaven.

Chilichimp posted:

How do they keep gettin' fans?

Chichevache posted:

Flikken and I have been having this same conversation and we are stumped. Why does Cleveland have such a fanatical devotion to a team that has let them down so hard for so long?

Chichevache posted:

Flikken and I have been having this same conversation and we are stumped. Why does Cleveland have such a fanatical devotion to a team that has let them down so hard for so long?

Chichevache posted:

Flikken and I have been having this same conversation and we are stumped. Why does Cleveland have such a fanatical devotion to a team that has let them down so hard for so long?

Chris James 2 posted:

Same reasons people are still Lions and Cubs fans: Born in the area, family was fans of them for decades, and it'd be nice if at least one of your 17 generations of relatives could say they saw some sort of success from the team before they kick the bucket

MY NIGGA D-LINK posted:

Allow me. [clears throat for sincere posting voice]. AFCN, plus Lions and Bills fans are from a region of the country that's been socially and economically disadvantaged for a long, long time. There isn't a lot keeping people from leaving, and many people leave for college and never come back. We're referred to as "fly over states", and it isn't often that people who don't live here speak of the Rust Belt in any kind of a positive light.


Our sports teams serve as symbols of a better time, and I think the tenacity you see from fans is an expression of the willingness to hang in there with their cities in bad times. Some people don't want to leave, a and cling to their hometown sports teams in a similar fashion imo

Chichevache posted:

I understand where both of you are coming from and I really like your points, but to me it feels like Browns fans reach a level of fanaticism (I mean that in a good way) you don't see in fans of the Lions or bills. Bills Army parties hard, no doubt, but the same optimism and hope that Cleveland fans have year in and year out just doesn't seem to be there. Detroit fans still show up to games as well, but we know that they know that it isn't going to end well.

Android Bicyclist posted:

Possible, but not likely.

Hell, I thought Tebow would resurrect himself in Foxborough. Even Satan looked at that & said, "Nope."