hellfaucet posted:

hellfaucet posted:

Rime posted:

With 11 common connections there is almost zero way you haven't met this person in real life.

My self-summary posted:

first things first i'm happily married and not looking to hook up with anyone, so

hmu for my chaturbate account that's it, gotta help bring home the bacon and socal has no jobs man fuckit

they/them

or be my friend. I'm moving to new york in a few weeks so i'm gonna have a grand total of no friends besides my husband.

Likes: being made fun of
death grips
playing therapist
teaching bitches how to swim

Dislikes: people's knees
pick up lines
weed (but idc if you smoke it right tf next to me) unfortunately it makes me even more anxiety-er

pay me
https://cash.me/<username>
Snapchat:
<username>

Tumblr:
http://maddierabies.tumblr.com
Instagram:
http://instagram.com/<generic "star stuff" reference>
Kik:
<username>

buy me poo poo plz I am in need
<amazon wishlist link containing full name>

What I’m doing with my life posted:

?

I’m really good at posted:

being just narcissistic enough to impress dudes with how "self aware" I am
rolling burritos at chipotle when i had a job there
blowing smoke rings with my vape i stole from my husband but i can only do it when there's no wind
overanalyzing everything

The first things people usually notice about me posted:

"Nice stems" 👌👏👐

"are they... are they joking? they can't be that stupid... no yeah i think that was an attempt at a joke"

I spend a lot of time thinking about posted:

I put myself in other people's shoes a lot

Gender

The universe and things in it.

On a typical Friday night I am posted:

Reverse racism isn't real you guys.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit posted:

HAHA I met my husband on here, yeah he knows I have a profile, I'm not on here for sketch reasons

Also I have a third nipple! Just looks like a birth mark. Like for real if you saw it then you'd be like, bruh is that a birthmark or hwhat

Not that I'm proud of it this is just a private fun fact, I snorted meth off a food stamp card behind a dumpster with a homeless dude once
I became homeless a few months later because that's how it works
No I'm not a meth user I'll just try anything once or five times lmaoh

You should message me if posted:

you can help me get a job or wanna shoot the poo poo or something idk this fooken profile is like 10000% self promotion

mobby_6kl posted:

So I got Tinder working with a fake facebook account and got a couple of matches after using up all likes.

Opening lines can be tough but this girl has a photo of a cat in her profile, so that's easy mode, right? Well she didn't get my carefully crafted pussy joke (not native speaker), now what

neonbregna posted:

It's time for the dick pic

mobby_6kl posted:

So I got Tinder working with a fake facebook account and got a couple of matches after using up all likes.

Opening lines can be tough but this girl has a photo of a cat in her profile, so that's easy mode, right? Well she didn't get my carefully crafted pussy joke (not native speaker), now what

Paul Zuvella posted:

Holy loving poo poo you are the gooniest gently caress ever.

Paineopticon posted:

I don't get it, why did you set it up with a fake account?

Paul Zuvella posted:

Holy loving poo poo you are the gooniest gently caress ever.

Wicker Man posted:

Lonely, anti-social girl has been chatting with me for a couple of days. Asks "So what do you like to do for fun, :p ?" I tell her I like to drink, play games, and watch movies.


Dead silence after that.

Wicker Man posted:

Lonely, anti-social girl has been chatting with me for a couple of days. Asks "So what do you like to do for fun, :p ?" I tell her I like to drink, play games, and watch movies.


Dead silence after that.

Cuckoo posted:

You certainly didn't say anything wrong. She may have gotten other messages at the same time and someone else piqued her interest more.

Then again if she's "anti social" she may have been turned off at the mention of drinking, which honestly if you do like to drink and she's that against it you dodged a bullet.

Wicker Man posted:

Oh yeah, she's one of those people that likes to lists nothing but negatives and be brutally honest about how much they suck to scare people away. She seemed genuinely interested in chatting with me, talking about how chatting with people online is the only interaction she ever gets.

ikanreed posted:

Those were the words I was looking for when I read that post.

"She didn't get my lovely pun that was also the kind of awkward come-on that makes women hate online dating. Life is so unfair."

Paineopticon posted:

I don't get it, why did you set it up with a fake account?

SciFiDownBeat posted:

online dating is a scam. people who try to find relationships/get laid online are always, beyond any shadow of doubt, insane

[rant]
in fact asking people out face-to-face in the 21st century has become brutally easy because of this. all these millennials are in such a nihlistic malaise due to social media and electronics that any interaction with a halfway-normal-not-creepy person in real life is like a loving revelation to them. getting your "foot in the door" so to speak has never been easier because human beings crave social (and physical) contact, and the emotive abstraction provided by the internet has dulled their senses so much that they're more willing to take a chance on strangers who are willing to open their actual mouths and speak real words to them. this is especially true for anyone living in an urban environment. the internet's negative effect on people's social fulfillment coupled with the general feeling of displacement and loneliness in cities makes it piss easy to connect with people
[/rant]

tl;dr what I'm saying is, ask people out IRL. it's like playing the lottery except the tickets are free, and you have a really high chance of scratching off at least two bucks

quote:

*snip*

I spend a lot of time thinking about
...how to find a compatible mate,to do this,that .....with.

How,when browsing Dutch females who are only a ferry ride away,the system suddenly thinks I should be across the other side of the globe looking at Mexican women....as nice as they are.(Did you know that if a chili-eating Mexican drops in the desert,vultures wont touch him)
Similar when I`m browsing females in Belgium,where I`m skewed off across the Atlantic to the land of GMO`s,high fructose corn syrup,aspartame and brominated drinks in places of learning.

...how aliens managed to remove a man`s prostate through his urethra!

On a typical Friday night I am
Sober,contemplating my navel......I love those oranges.

*snip*

Warning to the dodgy crowd:You are not permitted to copy any of my profile and photos.

quote:

My self-summary
Okies so im female. Not male. Just got so very bored of all the disgusting messages I was receiving from misguided lads who think the way to a girls heart is by explicitly explaining in detail which violently sexual acts you would like to perform on them Its really not. By setting myself as a male on here it means that when those people search for females I do not show up, and so I dont get those messages... lets hear it for virtual gender reassignment

I am not straight or gay im somewhere in that grey area between that basically boils down to f I think someone is attractive and interesting im probably into them physically.

a few notes for you peeps:

boys, and i say boys because theres no way you are men. all your rubbish copy and paste messages.. ive heard them.
how much the polar bear weighs/do you like chicken/the mcgorgeous... they are tired, old, and just awful.
also how dumb do you have to be to honk at a girl you fancy as you drive past? whats the best case scenario there? even if she was mentally deficient and did actually want to sleep with you your already halfa mile down the road! whats she supposed to do? chase you down on foot? in those heels?

ladies: a good time girl was a very easy one or a prozzi... pringles are not single they are always spooning with all their friends... if carlsberg could do anything well at all they certainly wouldnt make such terrible alcohol. not that i drink beer but i have it on good authority that its the worst of them all.
so you all might want to rethink some of those headlines
ALSO: nobody is buying that you are either new here or that your friends forced you on here. if they did they are not your friends. they hate you.

Muah xxx
Is it a rule of online dating that every female MUST have that Marilyn Monroe quote on their profile? Because I refuse. :p

O and people of okcupid, get with the times. It's 2015. Nobody cares if you meet someone online. No need to lie. Muah xxx

quote:

Muah xxx hunni you could do with a few more pics, I mean however is a girl to decide whether she wants to turn you or not?

insufficient guns posted:

Bonus round: picture is fine, I just think there's something a tiny bit awkward about using a picture from this particular location on a dating website...maybe that's just me it's Auschwitz

insufficient guns posted:

Bonus round: picture is fine, I just think there's something a tiny bit awkward about using a picture from this particular location on a dating website...maybe that's just me it's Auschwitz

mobby_6kl posted:

Ahaha holy poo poo! I was in Dachau recently (just visiting ok) so it was instantly obvious. This is probably even more inappropriate than pics with children or exes, what the hell.

Groovelord Neato posted:

tfw u get extremely pretty tinder matches but are too gonny to msg em

Groovelord Neato posted:

tfw u get extremely pretty tinder matches but are too gonny to msg em

JakeP posted:

what a catch

JakeP posted:

what a catch

Groovelord Neato posted:

tfw u get extremely pretty tinder matches but are too gonny to msg em

JakeP posted: