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Has the great ticket purge of 2016 actually been confirmed?
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Jan 11, 2016 11:24
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Romes128 posted:Pretty sure all that's left at this point is to join scientology and Tom Cruise her way to the top. There aren't enough Mocap studios in the universe to make that fantasy happen.
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Jan 11, 2016 11:27
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celewign posted:I step off the flight deck into my AEGIS DISINCERTERATOR. My eyes loose focus as my body slowly moves by itself, swiveling into the pilots seat, clipping gently through the poorly rendered edges of the spacecraft. The sun reflects gently off the PHYSICALLY BASED RENDERING metal panels, the hue and tone of the sunlight a physically impossible shade given the position and type of star we are orbiting. A shadow from the PARP-BECK GRAVCANNON CLUSTER MINE LAUNCHER is rapidly pulsing on the flight pad below me, as my powerful custom built PC struggles to render this basic space scene. This is a great post lol.
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Jan 11, 2016 11:29
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There are no emails In our service queue Nothing to tie one to a ticket And if you seek refunds We'll just delay it for 2 weeks You want our JPEGS? Check. BIRDS? Check. INSURANCE? Check. CUTLASS? Check. HORNET? Check GAMESCOM? Check. PAX? Check. FLOWERS? Check. Citizen [x16] Butt beware For when you spawn your spaceship Others will seek to crash into you And they won't rest Until you're griefed You'll want our PETS? Check. TRACK-IR? Check. LANGUAGES? Check. DECORATIONS? Check. WEBCASTS? Check. SYSTEMS? Check. MOCAP? Check. CELEBRITIES? Check. Out of breath, pop, and sleep The smell of death, can't escape Gas will cloud and drift away Track the cause of Lesnick's fate You're so slow they all know What you've done, you can't run Vengeance is the law for thee Close the threads so no one sees You're a hack, a has-been Plundering the fridge again Ate their food drank their drinks Arms too short to wash in sinks Now you sit, try to hide Heart beats faster from clogged lines Thought it was a neat idea "Get the boss on our livestream" Citizen [x16] NEWS VAN? Check. R&D? Check. C&C? Check. MFD? Check. SCANNERS? Check. GARDENS? Check. ROBOT? Check. TOWEL? Check. STAR! CITIZEN! STAR! CITIZEN! [x4] Your life was ended by chest pains. [x3]
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Jan 11, 2016 11:30
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Romes128 posted:Yes let's put this guy who doesn't work on the game on the show about the game. Even better was putting the facilities manger on camera with her.
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Jan 11, 2016 11:32
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Leaked Star Marine footage http://i.imgur.com/rSbYxKS.webm
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Jan 11, 2016 11:46
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I would probably sneeze my brain out my nose if that whole thing about purging their ticket list were even remotely true. I'm willing to believe a lot about CIG's ineptitude but that's a limbo bar too low in standards for me to believe. Somehow.
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Jan 11, 2016 11:52
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Daztek posted:Has the great ticket purge of 2016 actually been confirmed? No. But if someone posts a screenshot of an email and they believe it I'm gonna poo poo myself.
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Jan 11, 2016 12:12
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GrimmyD posted:https://forums.robertsspaceindustries.com/discussion/310241/the-sickening-and-heartbreaking-truths-of-the-fourth-stimpire  What the gently caress.
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Jan 11, 2016 12:14
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Semisponge posted:
Holy poo poo. That guy has issues.
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Jan 11, 2016 12:18
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Romes128 posted:Cause they put out a lovely tech demo and have no bug reporting feature so nerds need someone to cry at cause they can't do that on their official forums cause they'll get banned by a fat man or fatter man. Oh yeah I forgot the public alpha they put out has zero bug reporting abilities built in.
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Jan 11, 2016 12:20
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There's no way that guy wasn't jerking it furiously while writing that thing. That's his fetish.
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Jan 11, 2016 12:20
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Well poo poo, wake up this morning and david bowie has died, first lemmy now bowie. content : sad paarp :[
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Jan 11, 2016 12:35
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Didn't check this thread for the entirety of agdq and now it had over 10,000 new posts... Can someone summarize what has happened in this time?
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Jan 11, 2016 12:36
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GrimmyD posted:https://forums.robertsspaceindustries.com/discussion/310241/the-sickening-and-heartbreaking-truths-of-the-fourth-stimpire Same here.
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Jan 11, 2016 12:37
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Jimb posted:I still absolutely love the idea that Beers emails were both fake and what was holding up customer service. They seem to be reaching a synthesis were Beer kept pushing Sandi to say something stupid but since that wasn't working he just straight up forged a couple of emails in the chain.
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Jan 11, 2016 12:37
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Incombibulator posted:
Why did I have to hear about this news in this thread? 
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Jan 11, 2016 12:38
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 octopedo
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Jan 11, 2016 12:44
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rip star
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Jan 11, 2016 12:44
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Jon Do posted:I still can't believe they really think we have a crusade and not just an endless stream of jokes.... Yes, it's not like Derek Smart payed for the new SA forum hardware and we are acting as mercenaries for his crusade in return. *cough* *cough* someone please brief this idiot quickly before he spills the whole plan
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Jan 11, 2016 12:45
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Semisponge posted:
Even the virginal spergs on the CIG site where freaked out by that serial killer penned fan fiction. Then it quickly turned into attacking LOD ????
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Jan 11, 2016 12:47
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Starman: in memory There's a conman , waiting in the verse He'd like to take our money So you better hide your purse There's a conman waiting in the verse He tells us , buy more JPEGS The Alpha can't get worse Cos he knows its all worthwhile he told me Let the Autists spend it Let the Autists defend it Let the Autists Boogie in the verse
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Jan 11, 2016 12:52
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EightAce posted:Starman: in memory  One day I'm going to write a poem in a letter One day I'm going to learn to do my acting better remember not everybody has to wait in line sandi look out world, don't go on RSI. - blue jean Brazilianpeanutwar fucked around with this message at 12:59 on Jan 11, 2016 |
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Jan 11, 2016 12:56
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didn't one our Musical goons, do a musical version of the man who sold the world. i think it was the man who sold the verse, very fitting today 
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Jan 11, 2016 13:08
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FROM CIG WEBSITE De Vos DeVos Posted: January 10 For some reason, everytime I enter a a place to explore someone blows up my ship. Like seen in this vid https://youtu.be/k6sthvLNQD8 I though people in the universe would be more forgiving while exploring, anyone else encountered this kind of behaviour? Hahahahahahahahahaha might invest in this after all
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Jan 11, 2016 13:10
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The next one is dedicated to Chris and Sandi. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8NZa9wYZ_U
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Jan 11, 2016 13:12
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In the last 500 years, the Fourth Stimpire has dominated four systems, which it has united into one starzone, Stimsis. The Fourth Stimpire has origins from the Ten Empire War in which 10 of the United Stimpires revolted against each rules. All empires except for the fourth swore freedom upon their citizens. There is no free speech in the Fourth Stimpire, and all self-controlled transportation has been made illegal without undergoing painful medical verification methods, in which arteries are severed without pain resistant, operated entirely by machines. The way they work claim to be the most hygenic and healthy way possible, but these machines often rub against pain points, causing great deals of pain to patients. The heart is then extracted from the body and placed into a glass grinding machine. Various energy centers are also dissected and replaced with dangerous transplants. After the painful, 52 hour surgical procedure, patients will then have to use a fused guidance tool, which pumps painful resistors into the body every 2 hours. The pain they have caused is so bad, the victim would freeze in a tense position. They would then collapse afterwards. Sexual stimulation in any way within the grounds of the Fourth Stimpire is strictly prohibited, and anyone detected even touching their sexual organs will be subjected to a penectomy or if the offender was a female, they would then have a razor inserted into their ovaries. They would pump a blue solution into the womb until the stitchings burst. Offenders would also be forced to show their operated areas in public, and they would always harass and punch them to a pulp, against their will. Otherwise, offenders would be tazed with the worst type of electricity in the systematic district, causing so much pain, the victim would scream and flail in madness. The pain would also triple every second, but no death would be incurred. This is also used in combat against enemy units, which is why all UEE forces must wear the upgraded suit to block this effect. However, enertainment is also questionable in UEE grounds. Sporting events end with the losing team being rounded into a grinder and shredded on live television, boxing matches end with the loser having their hands removed without anasthesia, flight races would end with the losers having their arms and legs removed, then being injected with insanity, for entertainment. People are also forced into these events, by undergoing a painful 127 hour procedure which involves tweaking the muscles so they will not listen to brain commands, and then having a painful drug injected which also causes madness if the player is not sporting. This is all for entertainment, and anyone not watching any of it during sporting times and cheering for the winning team, they will be imprisoned into galactic camps. Snuff films are also broadcast, and actors are actually murdered just for entertainment. Stealth droids also guide these forced actors into behaving exactly as the director dreams, otherwise they will be punished by being placed into a macerator and having their execution written into the film. Any film that does not feature someone being murdered will be burned and the entire crew behind it will be executed in the most grotesque way possible - vivisection. All executions are broadcast, and anyone who misses even a millisecond, even by blinking, will be executed. All citizens must boo to the person being executed, and the family is gathered to be injected with eternators, which cause pain forever, making them immoral but feeling the pain tenfold every millisecond. They cannot pass out, but they will feel like it forever. Conquests by this Stimpire end in the planet being razed, and all the citizens being executed in the same way as their citizens are. The planet is then destroyed and all remnants of it are removed, and any memories of it will be erased instantly from civil minds. People who are also killed are also erased from memories, and all memories of them, including toys and pictures, are destroyed. Prisoners undergo 40,000 years of relentless and endless labor, and anyone not complying is sentenced to the eternator injection. All prisoners injected with eternators are placed into capsules and launched into far space, then the room is closed tight to ensure maximum insanity. Some prisoners are also subjected to the removal of blood, the lungs, the liver, the genitals, the skeleton, the muscles, the eyes, and even the injection of pressure. Prisoners sentenced to pressure chambers are locked in until they are inflated to a high level. The decompression is then stopped to make sure they are inflated and uncomfortable. Children born on the 14th of July are subjected to the removal of their skeleton and an implant of a silver liquid to replace it. The nervous sysem is also injected in various parts to ensure it is five times more sensitive than the average. Restaurants also are ordered to serve civil meat, and anyone attending must give themself up to be cooked into a grotesque meal. They are cooked alive, undergoing extreme pain, and are then subjected to industrial grinders and blenders. The Stimpire orders at least 1 million citizens to be dispatched every day, as they are afraid the population may overthrow them. But only one planet is cared for, and the rest are banned from eating, drinking, talking, using technology, touching anyone, wearing unauthorized clothes, touching buildings, or walking a centimeter out of designated routes. Civil enforcers are on every planet, and they are engineered so that they are 40 times larger than the 300 quadrillion population. At least 7 billion die every 12 hours under this rule. Thoughts are also surveyed, and anyone who does not think anything to loving the Stimpire with more than their capabilities will be sentenced to a prison. Prisoners who are punished for this violation will meet their greatest fear, only to have it amplified so they will turn insane as they imagine it exactly as they fear it. They then undergo a painful extraction of all fluids, to be replaced by a toxin which causes permanent irritation. The unknown substance keeps the subject aging normally, except they will never die. Prisoners punished in this way are unable to be reverted, despite many efforts, and they will never be able to be disposed. The sickening truths have been revealed only today, and invigilation teams are still investigating the truths without setting foot in the galactic space of this sickening empire.
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Jan 11, 2016 13:14
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Semisponge posted:
I wonder if the 14th of July is like...his birthday or something.
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Jan 11, 2016 13:15
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Dude seriously, don't post that stuff, or at least put a giant spoiler on it.
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Jan 11, 2016 13:19
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The brazil.txt of the SC thread.
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Jan 11, 2016 13:20
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Liu posted:I wonder if the 14th of July is like...his birthday or something. It's the date his girlfriend left him for a jock that would sexually stimulate her. They are both undergoing electric shock punishment in the basement.
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Jan 11, 2016 13:23
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Onwards to page 1234!
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Jan 11, 2016 13:23
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im going to snype the gently caress out of that page
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Jan 11, 2016 13:27
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Friendly Tumour posted:In the last 500 years, the Fourth Stimpire has dominated four systems, This was either written one-handed, or the guy was trying to come up with the most hosed-up thing he could imagine and pushed it as far as he could. For my sanity, I prefer to believe the second option.
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Jan 11, 2016 13:28
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Brazilianpeanutwar posted:Dude seriously, don't post that stuff, or at least put a giant spoiler on it. i wanrt everybody to read it
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Jan 11, 2016 13:29
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Friendly Tumour posted:i wanrt everybody to read it Mods?!
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Jan 11, 2016 13:34
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Foreverially agonized and never loving it in the Fourth Stimpire. Seriously this reminds me of those incredibly specific, utterly sincere posts and stories about ultra specific fetishes we make fun of here, like delitizing and crystal fingers. I think that's what we're looking at here.
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Jan 11, 2016 13:34
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He should enter it into the Thunderdome
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Jan 11, 2016 13:35
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He should get the crazy photoshop to illustrate it.
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Jan 11, 2016 13:35
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Jan 11, 2016 13:39
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