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  • Locked thread
Heteroy
Mar 13, 2004

:fork::fork::fork:
Yam Slacker
There was an episode of The Dollop Podcast about Richard Johnson. I remembered him turning absolutely nuts, even without remembering the hollow earth stuff. The title of the episode could be considered a spoiler.

Also he loving killed Tecumseh.

Heteroy has issued a correction as of 05:28 on Feb 9, 2016

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foobardog
Apr 19, 2007

There, now I can tell when you're posting.

-- A friend :)

Alfred P. Pseudonym posted:

Webster/Devil '36

Yeah, I'm not feeling too bad about voting for 1836 Hillary Clinton, honestly. Though the Whigs are showing that they are stupid as hell. It's pretty obvious they are just the party of no Jacksonians, which is a pretty strong platform, but ultimately going to prove weak.

gently caress the slavers, get money.

Also, if you vote for Johnson, you get a black First Child 167 years before real life!

karmicknight
Aug 21, 2011
I just noticed that The Devil and Daniel Webster is listed as one of the helpful resources. When will Mr. Scratch be on a ballot near us.

Edit:

Heteroy posted:

There was an episode of The Dollop Podcast about Richard Johnson. I remembered him turning absolutely nuts, even without remembering the hollow earth stuff. The title of the episode could be considered a spoiler.

Also he loving killed Tecumseh.

Also, this was a top flight recommendation.

karmicknight has issued a correction as of 13:18 on Feb 13, 2016

QuoProQuid
Jan 12, 2012

Tr*ckin' and F*ckin' all the way to tha
T O P

Thank you for voting in the Election of 1836. Fulfilling a lifetime of ambition, Daniel Webster has been elected by the people to be the President of the United States. After three long years, Ellmaker’s Anti-Masonic reign of terror has finally come to an end. Let’s hope that Webster and his Vice President Francis Granger can undo some of the damage that Ellmaker inflicted upon the banks and society writ large.


RESULTS BREAKDOWN:

Most Popular Ticket:

Daniel Webster / Francis Granger (Whig) - 43 votes (69.4%)
Martin Van Buren / Richard Mentor Johnson (Democratic) - 5 votes (8.1%)
Martin Van Buren / William Smith (Democratic) - 5 votes (8.1%)
William Henry Harrison / Francis Granger (Whig) - 5 votes (8.1%)
William Henry Harrison / William Smith (Whig) - 2 votes (3.2%)
William Henry Harrison / John Tyler (Whig) - 1 vote (1.6%)
Wille Person Magnum / John Tyler (Whig) - 1 vote (1.6%)
Hugh Lawson White / John Tyler (Whig) - 0 votes (0.0%)


Most Popular Presidential Candidate:

Daniel Webster - 43 votes (69.4%)
Martin Van Buren - 10 votes (16.1%)
William Henry Harrison - 8 votes (12.9%)
Willie Person Magnum - 1 vote (1.6%)

QuoProQuid
Jan 12, 2012

Tr*ckin' and F*ckin' all the way to tha
T O P

ELECTION OF 1840
:siren: Click here to vote in the Election of 1840! :siren:


Background:

Though Martin Van Buren had swept to office, enjoying the benefits of his relationship with Andrew Jackson, his victory soon soured. After years of speculative lending practices, a land bubble in the West, and poor lending practices, banks in New York suddenly realized that they did not have enough money to pay for their debts and attempted to cut back on lending. On 10 May, 1837, the banks announced that they could no longer accept securities at face value, which triggered a sudden panic. By 1838, many of the country’s banks had collapsed, the price of cotton has plummeted, unemployment is believed to be as high as 25% in many states across the country. Though officials have blamed a wide variety of causes, from British interference to Freemason machinations, public blame has concentrated on the Democratic Party. Newspapers have blamed the calamity on Jackson for destroying the only institution capable of guiding the economy, the Bank, and Martin Van Buren, who has refused to use government intervention like welfare and internal improvement projects, for making the situation worse. The country has been in a deep recession for almost four years, making the Panic the worst economic crisis in American history.

Feeding off of Van Buren’s struggles, the Whig Party has seen a resurgence. Once derided for their disorganization, the Panic has given the Whigs an opportunity to avoid their internal disagreements and run purely as opponents to the Democrats. Rather than running an issue-centric campaign, the Whigs have nominated William Henry Harrison, a war hero and supposed frontier commoner, opposed to the elitism of the Dutch Martin Van Buren. Drawing on Harrison’s rustic roots, the Whigs have promised a common sense solution to the crisis that helps all levels of American society. Though no one is entirely sure what this will entail, many believe that it will involve the economic ideas of Henry Clay, the party’s leader and supporter of the American System. In areas dominated by Whig politicians, public improvement projects have been extremely common.

The Whigs have also benefited from Van Buren’s unusual approach to foreign relations. Unlike Jackson, Van Buren has attempted to rely on diplomacy over military force and has preferred slow land purchases over unrestricted expansion. When Texas applied for admission to the Union, Van Buren refused the offer, claiming it dangerous to American interests, and began negotiations with Mexico to purchase the territory. Whig officials have expressed outrage at this policy. They accuse Van Buren of turning his back on American citizens in Texas and of engaging in needless spending when the territory could be seized and the funds used back home.

Lastly, this election has seen the resurgence of two issues for social reformers: Slavery and temperance. Driven by Christian activists, abolitionists have realized that they cannot rely on the two parties to pursue real lasting change. Van Buren has proven a supreme disappointment by refusing to legislate on the issue and Harrison is expected to expand slavery far beyond its current borders. Several abolitionist groups have joined the political fray, fielding their own candidates for office. The Liberty Party is the largest of these organizations, having broken away from the Anti-Slavery Society to advocate the view that the Constitution is an anti-slavery document.
The Liberty Party has not been without its own issues, however, and has suffered intense criticism from other abolitionist groups. Some, like radical abolitionist William Lloyd Garrison, have attacked the Liberty Party for joining the race at all. He claims that by participating in electoral politics, the Liberty Party has given the American government legitimacy that it doesn’t deserve. Garrison has demanded that all abolitionists boycott elections until slavery is abolished. Others have attacked the Liberty Party for their choice of candidates, noting that Thomas Earle has not devoted his entire career to opposing slavery and has instead worked within the South-dominated Democratic Party. Various groups have critiqued the Liberty Party’s platform, disagreeing with its interpretation of the Constitution, its relationship with the American Colonization Society, and its view of African American rights.

As such, the abolitionists have been plagued with infighting that threatens their ability to achieve any electoral success. Exasperated, Presidential nominee James Birney has left the country to attend an anti-slavery conference rather than deal with his associates.


The Candidates:

DEMOCRATIC PARTY CANDIDATES:


Presidential Nominee: Martin Van Buren
  • Party Affiliation: Democratic Party
  • Notable Positions: President of the United States, Vice President of the United States, United States Ambassador to the United Kingdom, United States Secretary of State, Governor of New York, United States Senator from New York
  • Biography: A member of America’s insular Dutch community, Van Buren gained fame for his ability to interact with people from multiple, ethnic, income, and societal groups. An accomplished lawyer, political organizer, and multi-linguist, Van Buren first came to public attention at the age of 18, when he was selected as a delegate for the Democratic-Republican Party convention in Troy, New York. Afterward, Van Buren made a name for himself by leading the “Bucktails,” a faction dedicated to thwarting the corrupt Governor of New York, DeWitt Clinton, and his Erie Canal Project. In 1821, Van Buren joined the United States Senate, where he supported Andrew Jackson and avoided involving himself in the Corrupt Bargain. As a result, Jackson considers Van Buren a close friend. Calhoun’s attempts to destroy Van Buren’s career has only strengthened their partnership. Many partymen have only grudgingly accepted Van Buren as Jackson's successor.
  • Platform: Van Buren has been saddled with the legacy of Andrew Jackson. Once a coveted inheritance, Van Buren’s ties have quickly proven problematic. With the economy collapsing and the blame going to Jackson’s anti-Bank policies, Van Buren has been dubbed “Martin Van Ruin” by his opponents and is taunted on the streets by crowds who sing, “Van, Van, is a used up man.” Though urged by many to go back on his views of the American System, which would encourage economic growth, Van Buren has adhered steadfastly to the Jacksonian ideals of strict adherence to the Constitution, protection of states’ rights, and a limited federal government. To help address the crisis, however, Van Buren has advocated for an Independent Treasury System, a compromise between the Hamiltonian-style controlled economy and the Jacksonian-endorsed free economy. As proposed, this institution would circulate hard currency but remain completely independent of the wider private banking and financial system. Van Buren has been thwarted by his own party in his attempts to establish this institution. He has opposed any attempts to address unemployment, however, and refused to increase spending on public infrastructure or welfare. Also in opposition of Jackson, Van Buren has tried to stop American expansion and ensure a balance between free and slave states. He has denied Texas’s request to join the Union and is negotiating terms to purchase the territory instead of seizing it by force. He has also expanded America’s ties with Europe in an attempt to keep peace. He averted a near-war with the British over the Maine-Canadian border. Van Buren is sympathetic toward the Indians, who he has forcibly removed under the Indian Removal Act, and the Mormons, who have been chased out by mobs, but believes he can do nothing to help these groups without endangering his re-election. Though many fear that Van Buren is a crypto-abolitionist, Van Buren has sworn to do nothing that might threaten slavery. Though he considers it immoral, he believes that it is constitutionally sanctioned and dares not to threaten national unity over it..


Vice Presidential Nominee:Richard M. Johnson
  • Party Affiliation: Democratic Party
  • Notable Positions: Vice President of the United States, United States Representative from Kentucky, United States Senator from Kentucky
  • Biography: Born as the son of Kentucky’s wealthiest landowner, Richard Johnson and his family are an active part of the Democratic Party. A defender of the poor, a veteran of the War of 1812, and a fellow Kentuckian, Johnson has earned the admiration of Jackson despite the former’s controversial thirty-year long legislative career, which has seen him undertake crusades against powerful political interests. Much like his professional career, Johnson’s personal life has earned him intense ire. Since his father’s death, Johnson has openly cavorted with one of his slaves, treating her as his common law wife despite Kentucky’s laws against interracial relationships. Worse, he has raised two children of the relationship as his own, giving them his surname and demanding that they receive equal treatment within the community. For this breach of etiquette, the Democratic Party’s Southern faction has unsuccessfully tried to remove Johnson from the party and many have threatened to stop supporting the Democrats if Johnson is elected. Johnson is also known for his unusual interests and beliefs. Johnson believes the earth is hollow and has spent the last few years of his congressional career trying to secure funding for an expedition of the Earth’s core. He has dreams of opening a small tavern in his hometown.
  • Platform: Johnson is a Jacksonian and was explicitly placed on the ticket by Jackson, despite objections from the Southerners within the party. As such, Johnson considers himself a crusader of the poor and downtrodden. He has personally led the effort to end imprisonment for debt, freeing countless Americans from permanent incarceration, and has tried to increase the benefits given to widows, such as Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton. After the Panic of 1819, Johnson proposed debt relief for affected families, welfare for the unemployed, and bankruptcy legislation to protect future individuals from similar calamities. He has also taken on more, controversial, initiatives to improve the effectiveness of government. In 1816, he proposed that Congress move from a per diem system, which encouraged delays and tedium, with an annual salary of $1,500. Though it passed, the bill caused mass public backlash and Congress returned to a per diem system after Johnson’s supporters were voted out of office. He also earned public ire for opposing a petition to stop mail deliveries on Sunday. Though a practicing Baptist, Johnson does not believe that government should legislate the tenets of any particular denomination and that the religiously-motivated petition would set a bad legal precedent. Johnson is a slaveowner, who considers slavery to be a political and moral necessity in most circumstances. Though previously known for using brutal tactics against Indians, Johnson hopes to re-educate Indians in “European-American values” so that they might have some participation in society. He opposes the national bank and Whig tariff policies.


Vice Presidential Nominee:Littleton Waller Tazewell
  • Party Affiliation: Democratic Party
  • Notable Positions: Governor of Virginia, President pro tempore of the United States Senate, United States Senator from Virginia, United States Representative from Virginia
  • Biography: Tazewell is a prominent Virginia politician and lawyer. Son of Henry Tazewell, a Revolutionary War captain and Virginia Senator, Littletown has enjoyed prominence within the Democratic Party since his earliest days. In 1798 he was elected to Virginia’s House of Delegates and in 1800 he replaced John Marshall as a representative in Congress. In this position, he helped negotiate the sale of Florida from Spain. In 1824, he was nominated to the Senate, where he served as Chairman of the Committee on Foreign Relations, a position which allowed him to oversee commerce between the United States and United Kingdom. As Governor, Tazewell has served over a Whig-dominated Legislature and facilitates compromise between the Whigs and Democrats.
  • Platform: Littleton has been nominated by Virginia’s Democratic Party as an alternative to Johnson, who they consider repugnant for his relationship with his slaves. Throughout his career, Littleton has acted as a supporter of the Democratic establishment. While Jefferson and Madison were in power, he embraced Jeffersonian Republicanism to expand state’s rights and ensure the primacy of the yeoman farmer. With Jackson’s rise, he aligned himself with the Jacksonian Democrats to expand suffrage for all men and to fight against the elitism propagated by past Presidents. Tazewell is notable for being one of the few party figures in support of the American System and, under his leadership, had Virginia’s Senators vote in favor of internal improvements, protective tariffs, and a national bank. He is otherwise a standard Jacksonian who supports slavery and expansionism.

WHIG PARTY CANDIDATES:


Presidential Nominee:William Henry Harrison
  • Party Affiliation: Whig Party
  • Notable Positions: United States Ambassador to Colombia, United States Senator from Ohio, United States Representative from Ohio, Governor of the Indiana Territory, Secretary of the Northwest Territory
  • Biography: William Henry Harrison has often referred to himself as a “Child of the Revolution” because he is one of the few politicians old enough to remember the American Revolutionary War. The son of an elite Virginia family, Harrison grew up around figures like George Washington and Thomas Jefferson and witnessed first-hand much of the fighting to create a new nation during and after the Revolution. Inspired by what he saw, and knowing that he would not inherit any lands as his family’s youngest son, Harrison joined the military where he rapidly rose through the ranks for defending settlers against Indian incursions. In 1811, he became a national hero for defeating Tecumseh near the Tippecanoe River, despite being greatly outnumbered and unfamiliar with the land. For his prominence, Harrison has been given prominent positions along the frontier, such as Secretary of the Northwest Territory. From his position, he has portrayed himself as a defender of the West and tried to secure cheap land for American settlers.
  • Platform: Though an elite, Harrison is known as a leader of the frontier concerned for the public welfare of settlers across the former Northwest Territory. Throughout his career, Harrison has lobbied Congress to lower land prices and spearhead improvement projects over the Western states so that they might compete with the rest of the nation. He has also worked closely with local Indian tribes, negotiating the sale of tens of thousands of acres of land and has advocated on the behalf of slaveowners, claiming that slavery and indentured servitude in the Midwest would make it a more attractive location for settlement. A slaveowner himself, Harrison has tried to balance the interests of the North and South by supporting each state’s right to make a decision on the matter. The only issues that he believes should be nationalized is the prohibition on Freemasonry. Harrison believes the institution to be a “moral and political evil,” with its members serving dark and unknown purposes. Despite a long career, Harrison’s position on other issues is not well-known. He has spoken broadly on the need to resist imperialism by the executive branch, a common swipe at Jackson, and claimed that the veto power should only be used to stop unconstitutional laws. He has also made vague references to limiting presidential interference into the military and ensuring its independence. He is assumed to support re-establishing the Bank of the United States and the American System. Harrison is close to Clay and it can be assumed that Clay would have substantial influence on Harrison’s presidency.


Vice Presidential Nominee: John Tyler
  • Party Affiliation: Whig Party
  • Notable Positions: United States Senator from Virginia, President pro tempore of the United States Senate, 23rd Governor of Virginia, United States Representative from Virginia
  • Biography: John Tyler is American gentry and a member of the First Families of Virginia. Wealthy and well-known, Tyler carries himself like a European aristocrat. He owns a tobacco plantation that is over one thousand acres large and controls dozens of slaves. His allies control prominent positions in local and state government, giving Tyler first pick of whatever position he or his family wants. From his power base in Virginia, Tyler has worked to thwart Clay and his efforts on the American System, believing it to be a direct threat to Virginia’s social structure. He is known as a defender of states’ liberties against federal tyranny and has only joined the Whig Party to better oppose the nationalists. He has been placed on the ticket as a “Southern aristocrat” meant to complement Harrison’s image as a rustic frontiersman and up Harrison’s support with the American gentry.
  • Platform: Tyler began his career with the Democratic Party as an uneasy ally to Andrew Jackson and now stands firmly opposed to his administration. During the Adams presidency, Tyler worked with Jackson to prevent the expansion of federal power. He voted and filibustered against bills related to internal improvements, feeling these bills were the responsibility of the individual states. He also worked to censure any politician who supported the Bank of the United States. With the help of Jackson, Tyler also made the fight for states’ rights go national, turning much of the country against what Tyler saw as illegitimate exercises of authority. After Jackson was elected, however, the two drifted apart. Tyler loathes Jackson’s support of the spoils system and the President’s use of recess appointments. More importantly, he vocally opposed Jackson’s use of military force against South Carolina as a way of ending the Nullification Crisis. Tyler sympathizes with the Southern nullifiers and hopes for a diplomatic solution to the crisis. While Tyler also opposes the national bank, he opposes Jackson’s use of executive orders to close the institution, considering it an unlawful use of authority. It is unlikely that he would allow any bill to pass his desk resurrecting the institution, however. In sum, Tyler is a strict constitutionalist, opposed to mob rule and the Jacksonians who would let uneducated men elect the President. He has almost nothing in common with the Whig Party and many suspect that he is using it as a vehicle to further his political career. In foreign affairs, Taylor is a believer in free trade and expansionism. He has ambitions about expanding the United States into Mexico.

LIBERTY PARTY CANDIDATES:


Presidential Nominee: James Gillespie Birney
  • Party Affiliation: Liberty Party
  • Notable Positions: Abolitionist, Publisher of The Philanthropist newspaper, Representative to the Alabama Legislature
  • Biography: James Gillespie Birney grew up witnessing slavery from a variety of perspectives. As the son of Irish Episcopalian, he saw his father fight to prevent Kentucky from joining as a slave state. When the effort proved unsuccessful, Birney’s father reluctantly bought several slaves, claiming that Kentucky’s economy had made it unavoidable. He then spent the next few years pushing for humane treatment of blacks and took his son to see slaveowner cruelty. For his part, Birney accepted the lessons of his father and eventually moved to Alabama, where he became one of the state’s wealthiest lawyers and plantation owners, known for advocating gradual emancipation and better working conditions for slaves. In Danville, he used a public letters campaign to get the city’s slaveowners to agree to emancipate their current slaves. He briefly worked for Henry Clay was a member of the South’s social elite until Birney had a sudden spiritual awakening. Citing religious obligations, he cut off all ties with the slaveowning aristocracy, sold his plantation, and moved to Illinois, because he did not want his children growing up in a slave state. He resigned from his position on the American Colonization Society, citing its cooperation with slaveowners, and has since been a prominent activist and writer within the abolitionist community.
  • Platform: Though he once advocated for gradual emancipation, Birney has changed his position and declared that immediate emancipation is a Christian necessity. Birney hopes to emancipate all slaves and grant them equal rights under the law. He then hopes to deport most of them to Africa, believing them to be impossible to integrate. He does not support the Fugitive Slave Act and, in 1837, hired Salmon P. Chase to defend one of his servants, who turned out to be a fugitive slave. Birney is also an unrepentant supporter of John Quincy Adams who believes that Adams’s conservative values are needed to preserve the Union and make it stronger. However, he refused to support Adams after he joined the Whig Party because he considered Henry Clay and his unapologetic support of slavery to be too repugnant. Birney supports an independent Treasury over a National Bank and free trade over tariffs. He also supports extensive internal improvements to the United States’s infrastructure. He supports temperance and improved access to public education.Though he was once a Freemason, he now considers the organization evil. Internationally, Birney has expanded his beliefs in emancipation to foreign policy and hopes to use American might to free all those suffering under foreign rule. During the Greek Revolution, he wrote passionately on the America’s need to support the effort. He does not, however, support the annexation of Texas and has written to the Mexican legislature urging them to put down the slaveowner revolt. Birney and Earle had made no attempt to set up local organizations to support their candidacy and have not actually met one another in person. Because he does not believe he will win, Birney has left the country to attend the World Anti-Slavery Convention in London.


Vice Presidential Nominee: Thomas Earle
  • Party Affiliation: Liberty Party
  • Notable Positions: Manager of the American Anti-Slavery Society, Delegate at the Pennsylvania Constitutional Convention
  • Biography: A Philadelphia abolitionist and Jacksonian democrat, Thomas Earle is a strong but pragmatic supporter of abolitionism. Though affiliated with the Democratic Party since the beginning of his political career in 1817, Earle has joined the Liberty Party to build national support for abolitionism. Earle is a devoute Hicksite Quaker and owns a law firm in Philadelphia. Though he was, at one time, the manager of the American Anti-Slavery Society, he has recently been forced out of the organization for his failure to toe the party line. He is a semi-successful journalist and edits for several local newspapers including the "Columbian Observer," "Standard," "Pennsylvanian," and "Mechanics' Free Press and Reform Advocate."
  • Platform: Unlike many of his colleagues, Thomas Earle considers himself a reformer but is not a professional politician or activist. Instead, he presents himself as a “common-sense” candidate. A man who is committed to abolition and black suffrage but is not beholden to the any particular abolitionist organization. HeAs a result, Earle has received significant scorn from other abolitionist and many local papers have called for a boycott against the Liberty Party until it nominates a true and committed abolitionist, not a turncoat Democrat. Despite this, Earle was one of the strongest defenders for black voting rights during Pennsylvania’s constitutional convention in 1837 and is a friend of Thaddeus Stevens. On all other issues, Earle is a Jacksonian. He believes that all men have a right to vote and believes the wealthy have excessive sway in American society. He opposes the national bank, believing it to be nothing more than a vehicle for wealthy Southern interests. His stances on other issues are unknown because he usually only writes on slavery related issues. Birney and Earle had made no attempt to set up local organizations to support their candidacy and have not actually met one another in person.

QuoProQuid has issued a correction as of 16:25 on Feb 14, 2016

cinci zoo sniper
Mar 15, 2013




Talk about poo poo election, Briney/Earle '40, smdh. At least we've got a nice template to vote in now. :toot:

QuoProQuid
Jan 12, 2012

Tr*ckin' and F*ckin' all the way to tha
T O P

Fun Fact: Birney disowned his son and cut off all ties with him after he found out that he had joined the Freemasons. He then made a concerted effort to isolate his son from all of his friends and family.

quote:

My dear George,

Whilst I regret that you have not received more letters than you have, I am glad that you set such store by your correspondents. I suppose, by this time, you have received a good many, as I know of some on the way for you, which must have come to hand before now.

William, some time ago, joined the Free Masons, after I had publickly expressed my disapprobation of Free Masonry. What I thought made it worse, he came to see me, & never said any thing about it. In doing so, he treated me with a disrespect & want of confidence that I did not deserve, & about which I wrote to him, telling him that our correspondence as father & child must cease. It did cease & has never been renewed. He wrote to your sister, Florence, too, in a manner that I thought tended to weaken the lessons of moderation that I gave her --- to make her vain, &, insure, to do her, as I thought, no good. Their correspondence has, also, ceased. This may be the reason that he has ceased writing to you. I gave him no express injunction about it.

This is your daily reminder that 19th century reform movements are weird and often cruel.

QuoProQuid has issued a correction as of 16:23 on Feb 14, 2016

karmicknight
Aug 21, 2011
Where is the option for Martin Van Buren / No Candidate. Had No Candidate been on the ballot, I feel I would like Van Buren's chances. As I am unwilling to vote John Tyler into the White House. And Van Buren lacks his perfect running mate, time for the third party game, I guess. Someday elections are going to get interesting for not bad reasons.

edit: I still don't get why everyone loving hates the Freemasons. Like, do secret societies just cause the entire American public to decide Freemason delenda est?

karmicknight has issued a correction as of 16:27 on Feb 14, 2016

GlyphGryph
Jun 23, 2013

Down came the glitches and burned us in ditches and we slept after eating our dead.

quote:

Has advocated on the behalf of slaveowners, claiming that slavery and indentured servitude in the Midwest would make it a more attractive location for settlement. The only issues that he believes should be nationalized is the prohibition on Freemasonry. Harrison believes the institution to be a “moral and political evil,” with its members serving dark and unknown purposes.

Freemasons are evil, but slavery is good.

That's, uh...quite a guy there.

On the other hand, Birney actually seems pretty terrible and I am pretty sure he would lose the inevitable civil war, and that the mass deportations probably wouldn't go well...

God drat this thread is better than my history class was.

Alfred P. Pseudonym
May 29, 2006

And when you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss goes 8-8

Feel the Birn

Sax Mortar
Aug 24, 2004
Dear lord...another terrible election. I can't wait to vote to start the civil war.

Platystemon
Feb 13, 2012

BREADS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFaRklAYanY

Ibogaine
Aug 11, 2015
Birney/Earle!

Not only do they appeal to a single issue voter like me, but I think that we should also give the two guys a chance to finally meet each other, after all:

QuoProQuid posted:

Birney and Earle had made no attempt to set up local organizations to support their candidacy and have not actually met one another in person.

I don't like people who put too much effort into their presidential bit, because it reeks of ambition and desperation.

Ibogaine has issued a correction as of 17:02 on Feb 14, 2016

QuoProQuid
Jan 12, 2012

Tr*ckin' and F*ckin' all the way to tha
T O P

karmicknight posted:

edit: I still don't get why everyone loving hates the Freemasons. Like, do secret societies just cause the entire American public to decide Freemason delenda est?

Between 1820 and 1840, the United States experienced major internal upheaval. The Industrial Revolution forced a lot of people to lose their jobs and positions. The tail end of the Second Great Awakening caused many people to break with organized religion or join new churches. Westward expansion destroyed countless small towns and communities along the Eastern seaboard. Immigration started to change the make-up of major industrial centers. And Jacksonian reforms destroyed many of the old political clubs that had survived solely through anti-democratic practices, like the Federalist Party. In short, virtually every institution in the United States seemed to be on the verge of collapse.

The exception to this upheaval were the Freemasons. Dominated by social and political elites, the Freemasons seemed to be the only ones who weren't suffering in some way. After the Morgan assassination, people started connecting these facts in their heads. Blaming the societal chaos on a series of vague, hard to understand circumstances was neither attractive nor psychologically satisfying. No, it was the Masons who were orchestrating the destruction of American society. It's because of the Masons that I lost my job. The Masons are the reason by church self-destructed. The Masons are the reason I can't see my son anymore.

And then John Quincy Adams saw what was happening and tried to enlarge it to defeat Andrew Jackson. If people couldn't unite around the National Republicans, then maybe fear of further chaos could unite them.

CuwiKhons
Sep 24, 2009

Seven idiots and a bear walk into a dragon's lair.

Can I just vote for Alexander Hamilton's corpse? I feel like it'd be more useful than any of these idiots.

QuoProQuid
Jan 12, 2012

Tr*ckin' and F*ckin' all the way to tha
T O P

GlyphGryph posted:

Freemasons are evil, but slavery is good.

That's, uh...quite a guy there.

On the other hand, Birney actually seems pretty terrible and I am pretty sure he would lose the inevitable civil war, and that the mass deportations probably wouldn't go well...

God drat this thread is better than my history class was.

Birney believed that African Americans deserve equal rights and treatment and that slavery is utterly repellent. Unfortunately, he also seems to have thought that the slaves wanted to go back to Africa where they could be back in their homeland. He did not think American and slave cultures were compatible and that it would only invite unrest. To him, the most humane option was to send them back and hope that Liberia didn't implode.

So... uh... hope he only gets the first part of his platform and never gets around to the second.

troubled teen posted:

Dear lord...another terrible election. I can't wait to vote to start the civil war.

If it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure that a Birney election would cause a civil war, both among the states and within the abolitionist movement.

CuwiKhons posted:

Can I just vote for Alexander Hamilton's corpse? I feel like it'd be more useful than any of these idiots.

Lucky for you, there's at least one Hamilton around that has served in a Cabinet position. Maybe, he'll run for office and destroy everything his father worked to achieve.

Ibogaine
Aug 11, 2015

troubled teen posted:

Dear lord...another terrible election. I can't wait to vote to start the civil war.

Birney seems to be the man for you then. He even wants Mexico to take of the kids gloves when dealing with the seditious scum in Texas.

Sax Mortar
Aug 24, 2004

CuwiKhons posted:

Can I just vote for Alexander Hamilton's corpse? I feel like it'd be more useful than any of these idiots.

...we said for every election ever.

Sax Mortar
Aug 24, 2004

QuoProQuid posted:

If it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure that a Birney election would cause a civil war, both among the states and within the abolitionist movement.


Ibogaine posted:

Birney seems to be the man for you then. He even wants Mexico to take of the kids gloves when dealing with the seditious scum in Texas.

Looks like I made the right choice.

karmicknight
Aug 21, 2011

QuoProQuid posted:

And then John Quincy Adams saw what was happening and tried to enlarge it to defeat Andrew Jackson. If people couldn't unite around the National Republicans, then maybe fear of further chaos could unite them.

QuoProQuid posted:

Lucky for you, there's at least one Hamilton around that has served in a Cabinet position. Maybe, he'll run for office and destroy everything his father worked to achieve.

This here is why you vote for ideological dynasties, rather than the simple familial kind.

lambeth
Aug 31, 2009
I'm just going to write in Thaddeus Stevens until we get an election with better choices.

Empress Theonora
Feb 19, 2001

She was a sword glinting in the depths of night, a lance of light piercing the darkness. There would be no mistakes this time.
I'm tempted to vote in William Henry Harrison just so him dying like a moron after a month is still in our version of history.

Mantis42
Jul 26, 2010

Feel the Birn.

Now that the Free Masons are on the ropes we can destroy their slaver patrons before they can extend the institution to all humanity.

Lycus
Aug 5, 2008

Half the posters in this forum have been made up. This website is a goddamn ghost town.
Was Wirt the first SA-elected president to die in office?

And gee, are we gonna elect the explicit abolitionist that wants Mexico to crack down on Texas? I wonder.

Lycus has issued a correction as of 20:09 on Feb 14, 2016

Otherkinsey Scale
Jul 17, 2012

Just a little bit of sunshine!

QuoProQuid posted:

Though officials have blamed a wide variety of causes, from British interference to Freemason machinations, public blame has concentrated on the Democratic Party.

So in the SA Timeline, have the Freemasons and anything even remotely related to them been destroyed so thoroughly that no one even thinks it could be them, or does everyone who blames Masons think Daniel Webster's election halted Ellmaker's righteous campaign prematurely?

Pakled
Aug 6, 2011

WE ARE SMART
How many times has the South seceded already in the Gooniverse? It's gotta be approaching double digits at this point.

QuoProQuid
Jan 12, 2012

Tr*ckin' and F*ckin' all the way to tha
T O P

Pakled posted:

How many times has the South seceded already in the Gooniverse? It's gotta be approaching double digits at this point.

They've sent several notices to Washington about their secession but they keep getting lost in the mail.

Sax Mortar
Aug 24, 2004

QuoProQuid posted:

They've sent several notices to Washington about their secession but they keep getting lost in the mail.

I think it's because we've erased history immediately after each election. They can't remember why they were mad exactly and just throw the letter in a fire because no one knows what they were talking about, and assumes they were drunk when they wrote it.


At least that's how I sees it.

SpRahl
Apr 22, 2008

Carrasco posted:

So in the SA Timeline, have the Freemasons and anything even remotely related to them been destroyed so thoroughly that no one even thinks it could be them, or does everyone who blames Masons think Daniel Webster's election halted Ellmaker's righteous campaign prematurely?

The Freemasons are always plotting, always lurking in the shadows constant vigilance is required citizen!

WrightOfWay
Jul 24, 2010


In the Goon universe the country probably fell apart when we elected His Highness, John Adams, President of the United States, and Protector of Their Liberties over Washington. And then continued electing him for 20 years.

Also, I'm glad to see that leftist movements of 150 years ago were just as prone to constant infighting over ideological purity as modern ones :911:

Vavrek
Mar 2, 2013

I like your style hombre, but this is no laughing matter. Assault on a police officer. Theft of police property. Illegal possession of a firearm. FIVE counts of attempted murder. That comes to... 29 dollars and 40 cents. Cash, cheque, or credit card?

karmicknight posted:

edit: I still don't get why everyone loving hates the Freemasons. Like, do secret societies just cause the entire American public to decide Freemason delenda est?

The Paranoid Style in American Politics is required reading for this thread, right?

Goatse James Bond
Mar 28, 2010

If you see me posting please remind me that I have Charlie Work in the reports forum to do instead
John Tyler for President so he can set the precedent that is about to be used to keep the Supreme Court at eight Justices for eleven months.

tinaun
Jun 9, 2011

                  tell me...

QuoProQuid posted:

Some, like radical abolitionist William Lloyd Garrison, have attacked the Liberty Party for joining the race at all. He claims that by participating in electoral politics, the Liberty Party has given the American government legitimacy that it doesn’t deserve.

Can I vote for eternal president William Lloyd Garrison to burn this poo poo country to the ground and start over

Harold Stassen
Jan 24, 2016
Where the gently caress were you guys why didn't you vote MAGNUM

german porn enthusiast
Dec 29, 2015

by exmarx
I'm so terribly disappointed that I didn't find this thread till now. I would've voted for Not-Andrew-Jackson so many times.

Jump King
Aug 10, 2011

Deporting the slaves doesn't seem like the best thought out policy but it's probably better than just having them continue to be slaves.

#FeelTheBirn

Ghetto Prince
Sep 11, 2010

got to be mellow, y'all
Hah, even if there was the political will for emancipation, there's no way early 19th century America could concentrate ~3 million people and deport them 5,000 miles across the planet without either killing 99% of them or provoking a massive , Haitian style revolt.

Of course I still voted liberty party because they're the only interesting candidates.

Empress Theonora
Feb 19, 2001

She was a sword glinting in the depths of night, a lance of light piercing the darkness. There would be no mistakes this time.
At this point we're just killing time until Debs comes along, anyway.

Ibogaine
Aug 11, 2015

Empress Theonora posted:

At this point we're just killing time until Debs comes along, anyway.

I'm not so certain. Candidates with strong anti-mason or hollow earth platforms might split the vote of the SA electorate.

Anyway, there are two episodes of Slate's Whistlestop podcast on the 1840 election:

William Henry Harrison:
https://www.slate.com/articles/podcasts/whistlestop/2015/03/william_henry_harrison_becomes_the_first_candidate_to_actually_campaign.html

and

Hurrah and Hokum
https://www.slate.com/articles/podcasts/whistlestop/2015/12/in_1840_whigs_and_democrats_turned_out_record_numbers_of_voters.html

Ibogaine has issued a correction as of 08:57 on Feb 15, 2016

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i say swears online
Mar 4, 2005

Empress Theonora posted:

At this point we're just killing time until Debs comes along, anyway.

Greenbacks or greenfuck yourself

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