TRUMP: holy FUCK its november 8th

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > TRUMP: holy FUCK its november 8th

InsanityIsCrazy: Jan 25, 2003; by Lowtax

paranoid randroid posted:

being politically aware is brain toxin that makes you unhappier as a person than if you just tuned out until october

so naturally we rationalize it with horserace bullshit and cheering every little inside baseball thing that happens as if it matters at all and the whole thing isnt predicated by intangibles like consumer confidence or median flatulence index or wtf ever

yeah

# ? Mar 5, 2016 15:32

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# ? May 27, 2024 17:38

evilweasel: Aug 24, 2002

Prof. Lurker posted:

http://www.cnn.com/2016/03/04/politics/ted-cruz-marco-rubio-florida/index.html

Let's campaign in a place where like 30% of voters think you're the Zodiac Killer

ahahahaha I love that no matter what the situation you can rely on cruz to try to gently caress over other republicans for his own benefit

# ? Mar 5, 2016 15:32

Kylra: Dec 1, 2006; Not a cute boy, just a boring girl.

Preparing for that hopeful Trump/Cruz ticket I see.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 15:33

Al!: Apr 2, 2010; Can't post for 6 hours!

paranoid randroid posted:

being politically aware is brain toxin that makes you unhappier as a person than if you just tuned out until october

so naturally we rationalize it with horserace bullshit and cheering every little inside baseball thing that happens as if it matters at all and the whole thing isnt predicated by intangibles like consumer confidence or median flatulence index or wtf ever

politics is a humor/horror delivery mechanism

# ? Mar 5, 2016 15:34

Peel: Dec 3, 2007

evilweasel posted:

ahahahaha I love that no matter what the situation you can rely on cruz to try to gently caress over other republicans for his own benefit

i gamed out negotiating with cruz for the republicans, if you look at this grid you can see the different scenarios

code:

                    Cruz
        ___|__defect__|__defect__|
           |          |          |
           |  Cruz+2  |  Cruz+2  |
  cooperate|          |          |
           |  GOP -2  |  GOP -2  |
           |          |          |
GOP     ---|----------|----------|
           |          |          |
           |  Cruz-1  |  Cruz-1  |
     defect|          |          |
           |  GOP -1  |  GOP -1  |
        ___|__________|__________|

# ? Mar 5, 2016 15:47

crazy cloud: Nov 7, 2012; by Cyrano4747; Lipstick Apathy

Ha ha did you guys know that we're all gonna die someday and "waste of time" is a made up idea

Your lifespan is a blip in principle no different from the time it took for one of the 9/11 jumpers to splatter onto Manhattan from a hundred stories up. What's waste? What's time? Laugh at the orange clown man.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 15:52

Al!: Apr 2, 2010; Can't post for 6 hours!

crazy cloud posted:

Ha ha did you guys know that we're all gonna die someday and "waste of time" is a made up idea

Your lifespan is a blip in principle no different from the time it took for one of the 9/11 jumpers to splatter onto Manhattan from a hundred stories up. What's waste? What's time? Laugh at the orange clown man.

brb touching the VERY FACE OF GOD

# ? Mar 5, 2016 15:56

oddium: Feb 21, 2006; end of the 4.5 tatami age

crazy cloud posted:

Ha ha did you guys know that we're all gonna die someday and "waste of time" is a made up idea

Your lifespan is a blip in principle no different from the time it took for one of the 9/11 jumpers to splatter onto Manhattan from a hundred stories up. What's waste? What's time? Laugh at the orange clown man.

"crescent fresh"

# ? Mar 5, 2016 15:57

dorkasaurus_rex: Jun 10, 2005; gawrsh do you think any women will be there

quote:

"The Associated Press asked Republican senators and governors across the country if they would support Trump if he secured the nomination. Just under half of those who responded would not commit to backing him, foreshadowing a potentially extraordinary break this fall"

http://bigstory.ap.org/article/b9608a1938804aebbe01a8f0fc1657ea/racial-feud-erupts-republicans-fight-unstoppable-trump

The GOP is doomed in a historic and unprecedented way.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:00

Lastgirl: Sep 7, 1997; Good Morning!
Sunday Morning!

MaxxBot posted:

Oh god he has a fashion blog.

http://stoneonstyle.com/style-etiquette-101/best-worst-dressed/mr-stones-10th-annual-best-worst-dressed-list-2015/

owns, linking this to the clintonites in the flaming dumpster of the democrat primary and Hillary thread

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:02

Kylra: Dec 1, 2006; Not a cute boy, just a boring girl.

Does Trump even really need their support at this point? Like, would it even be helpful aside from brokered convention shenanigans?

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:02

Al!: Apr 2, 2010; Can't post for 6 hours!

dorkasaurus_rex posted:

http://bigstory.ap.org/article/b9608a1938804aebbe01a8f0fc1657ea/racial-feud-erupts-republicans-fight-unstoppable-trump

The GOP is doomed in a historic and unprecedented way.

Hahahahaha

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:03

Zwabu: Aug 7, 2006

evilweasel posted:

ahahahaha I love that no matter what the situation you can rely on cruz to try to gently caress over other republicans for his own benefit

So wait.. does a sub 50 percent plurality win all the FL delegates or do you have to beat 50?

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:03

crazy cloud: Nov 7, 2012; by Cyrano4747; Lipstick Apathy

oddium posted:

"crescent fresh"

Make America crescent again

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:05

Al!: Apr 2, 2010; Can't post for 6 hours!

picture mitch mcconnell desparately tugging on the sleaves of his former party mates as they file past him, tears streamimg down his neck and all the way into his shell

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:05

crazy cloud: Nov 7, 2012; by Cyrano4747; Lipstick Apathy

Al! posted:

brb touching the VERY FACE OF GOD

Same

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:06

crazy cloud: Nov 7, 2012; by Cyrano4747; Lipstick Apathy

Their shells are basically soldered to their spines so they look pretty gross without them

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:07

EugeneJ: Feb 5, 2012; by FactsAreUseless

From "The A List", a celebrity anonymous confessional site that was shut down in 2004:

https://web.archive.org/web/20050319093355/http://www.geocities.com/mnussitch/gossip.html

quote:

Clinton, Bill. Corrupt gladhanding weasel. (Likable in person.) Horn-dog; reportedly nailed Sharon Stone on election evening. Rumored to have slept with Markie Post and Babs Streisand (while Hillary was visiting her ailing father, no less!). Merkin for Hillary Clinton. Underendowed. Rapist. Reportedly very good at oral sex. Also linked with Elizabeth Gracen, Elizabeth Hurley, Chaka Khan (!), Heidi Klum, and Demi Moore.

Clinton, Hillary. Corrupt, manipulative power behind Bill Clinton. L______/bisexual; reported to have slept with one/both of the Fosters and George Stephanopoulous.

Trump, Donald. Focus of evil in the modern world. Embodies much that is wrong with America. Short-fingered vulgarian. Linked with Anna Nicole Smith.

Trump, Ivanka (daughter). Bulemic.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:08

SHY NUDIST GRRL: Feb 15, 2011; Communism will help more white people than anyone else. Any equal measures unfairly provide less to minority populations just because there's less of them. Democracy is truly the tyranny of the mob.

Kylra posted:

Does Trump even really need their support at this point? Like, would it even be helpful aside from brokered convention shenanigans?

He does if he wants to win the general

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:08

Kylra: Dec 1, 2006; Not a cute boy, just a boring girl.

TheTatteredKing posted:

He does if he wants to win the general

Who is he not already reaching?

Like, he probably needs them to not stab him in the back, but that's not really supporting per se if you just stop there.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:09

crazy cloud: Nov 7, 2012; by Cyrano4747; Lipstick Apathy

L______/bisexual;

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:11

Al!: Apr 2, 2010; Can't post for 6 hours!

the L________ word

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:13

Kylra: Dec 1, 2006; Not a cute boy, just a boring girl.

Al! posted:

the L________ word

Gotta be careful with those Power Words. You never know what will happen if you utter them to unassuming kids whose total hit points are below the threshold.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:14

EugeneJ: Feb 5, 2012; by FactsAreUseless

https://web.archive.org/web/20050319093355/http://www.geocities.com/mnussitch/gossip.html

quote:

A "merkin" is a man who dates or marries a gay or bisexual woman so that the woman can pretend to be heterosexual.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:14

evilweasel: Aug 24, 2002

Zwabu posted:

So wait.. does a sub 50 percent plurality win all the FL delegates or do you have to beat 50?

The highest vote total gets them all:

quote:

The Republican presidential candidate receiving the highest number of statewide votes at the Florida Presidential Preference Primary shall be awarded all delegates (including the 3 party leaders, the National Committeeman, the National Committeewoman, and the chairman of the Florida's Republican Party) to the Republican National Convention.

http://www.thegreenpapers.com/P16/FL-R

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:15

Kylra: Dec 1, 2006; Not a cute boy, just a boring girl.

I initially read that as Merkel and was very confused.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:15

Sulphagnist: Oct 10, 2006; WARNING! INTRUDERS DETECTED

dorkasaurus_rex posted:

http://bigstory.ap.org/article/b9608a1938804aebbe01a8f0fc1657ea/racial-feud-erupts-republicans-fight-unstoppable-trump

The GOP is doomed in a historic and unprecedented way.

I wouldn't call a repeat of 1964 unprecedented.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:18

EugeneJ: Feb 5, 2012; by FactsAreUseless

https://web.archive.org/web/20050319093355/http://www.geocities.com/mnussitch/gossip.html

quote:

Reagan, Nancy Davis. The eminence grise(ly) in the Reagan White House. Used astrology to determine policy decisions. Slept with Frank Sinatra in the White House itself. Personally pro-choice but kept quiet and supported anti-choice actions for her husband's career. Former "Hostess Girl"/prostitute for the studios when they needed to recruit someone; reported to give the best head in Hollywood, in her day. Was pregnant when she married Ronnie. Used pot at least once. Verbally abused her children. Linked with Milton Berle, Yul Brynner, Clark Gable, Peter Lawford, Frank Sinatra, Spencer Tracy, and Mike Wallace.

Reagan, Ronald. "I have never seen one man more pussy-whipped by his wife in my life." Absent-minded, evil-by-omission man. Betrayed his fellow Hollywood stars to red-baiters. Homophobe and racist. Rapist of Selene Walters during the 1950s. Cheated on his wife in 1968. Symbol and figurehead of almost all that was wrong with the 1980s. Linked with Doris Day, Nancy Davis Reagan, and Jane Wyman.

quote:

Bush, Barbara. Married to George Bush. Reportedly nice in her dotage but vicious to social outsiders as a college girl.

Bush, George. "Glad-handing sack of poo poo." Prissy and sanctimonious hypocrite. Had long-time affair while married to Barbara Bush; hired his mistress as State Dept spokeswoman. Also reported to have enjoyed the favors of "party girls."

Bush, George W. Recovering drunkard (and probably a dry drunk) and cokehead. Not the brightest bulb in the lamp, and in fact couldn�t spell cat if you gave him the �c� and the �a.� The best argument against participatory democracy I know. Hypocritical moralist; Bill Clinton without the brains. Funded a girlfriend's abortion. At odds with his wife over how to treat his daughters' alcoholism. Believes (according to his own words) that only "believers in Jesus" will go to Heaven. Given his performance since being elected, it's now clear that the man is either a pathological liar or holds the American public in such contempt that he doesn't even bother to make his lies credible.

Bush, Laura. Was involved in an auto fatality when she was 17.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:21

Boosted_C5: Feb 16, 2008; Can't post for 5 years!; Grimey Drawer

The GOP IS doomed. The Clintons and the Democrats are next.

WE THE PEOPLE aren't taking any more poo poo.

The people who fear Trump the most and scream the loudest about how terrible he is? Go gently caress yourselves, YOU created him.

Actions have consequences.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:22

Al!: Apr 2, 2010; Can't post for 6 hours!

Milton Berle, Yul Brynner, Clark Gable, Peter Lawford, Frank Sinatra, Spencer Tracy, and Mike Wallace ran a train on Nancy Reagan

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:22

Xenophon: Jun 28, 2003; by FactsAreUseless; Grimey Drawer

I like that Ronald Reagan is associated with Nancy, but Nancy isn't associated with Ronald

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:25

EugeneJ: Feb 5, 2012; by FactsAreUseless

https://web.archive.org/web/20050319093355/http://www.geocities.com/mnussitch/gossip.html

quote:

Limbaugh, Rush. Conceited, morally bankrupt fascist. Divorced several times. Draft dodger. Long record of not voting, despite his political views. Allegedly busted, while in Pittsburgh, in a spot known as a pickup area for gay men around the University of Pittsburgh. Recovering drug addict (prescription pills and painkillers which he purchased illegally). Blustering buffoon on the air, very socially awkward and shy off the air.

O'Reilly, Bill. Surprisingly unintelligent, for all his bluster. Anti-Muslim bigot. Currently helping to spread the Jews-control-the-media meme--thanks for helping the anti-Semites, Bill.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:33

Bryter: Nov 6, 2011; but since we are small we may-
uh, we may be the losers

MaxxBot posted:

Oh god he has a fashion blog.

http://stoneonstyle.com/style-etiquette-101/best-worst-dressed/mr-stones-10th-annual-best-worst-dressed-list-2015/

I like the twist at the end where it turns out you've been reading the aesthetic judgement of Max Headroom

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:34

mike12345: Jul 14, 2008; "Whether the Earth was created in 7 days, or 7 actual eras, I'm not sure we'll ever be able to answer that. It's one of the great mysteries."

EugeneJ posted:

https://web.archive.org/web/20050319093355/http://www.geocities.com/mnussitch/gossip.html

Everyone is gay, and doing coke.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:42

Lastgirl: Sep 7, 1997; Good Morning!
Sunday Morning!

Wake me up when the Republicans have finally moved on from the 80s

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:44

Al!: Apr 2, 2010; Can't post for 6 hours!

Bryter posted:

I like the twist at the end where it turns out you've been reading the aesthetic judgement of Max Headroom

one day he'll get dick tracy but good

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:45

Kylra: Dec 1, 2006; Not a cute boy, just a boring girl.

mike12345 posted:

Everyone is gay, and doing coke.

I wish this were actually the case, personally.

# ? Mar 5, 2016 16:56

SHY NUDIST GRRL: Feb 15, 2011; Communism will help more white people than anyone else. Any equal measures unfairly provide less to minority populations just because there's less of them. Democracy is truly the tyranny of the mob.