Let's Talk About Idiots! We can't stop here, this is Ba'ath country!

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Let's Talk About Idiots! We can't stop here, this is Ba'ath country!

«‹›435 »

EBB: Feb 15, 2005

man they're all just browns

# ? Mar 13, 2016 00:16

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 30, 2024 18:47

Casimir Radon: Aug 2, 2008

Mia jumped on the twitter celebrity bandwagon and stopped shooting porn. I probably shouldn't complain since I've paid for exactly none of it.

# ? Mar 13, 2016 00:22

anne frank fanfic: Oct 31, 2005

Casimir Radon posted:

Mia jumped on the twitter celebrity bandwagon and stopped shooting porn. I probably shouldn't complain since I've paid for exactly none of it.

Aw gently caress dude. What other porn stars do you follow and think about on a daily basis?

# ? Mar 13, 2016 00:26

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

I'm not sure she'll ever be able to shake her image. It's not like she can even trust her public as I'm sure she's got plenty of death threats by now.

# ? Mar 13, 2016 00:27

Mike-o: Dec 25, 2004; Now I'm in your room
And I'm in your bed; Grimey Drawer

anne frank fanfic posted:

Aw gently caress dude. What other porn stars do you follow and think about on a daily basis?

your mother

# ? Mar 13, 2016 00:30

Casimir Radon: Aug 2, 2008

Mike-o posted:

your mother

I'm not into Crackhead Confessions.

# ? Mar 13, 2016 00:34

FrozenVent: May 1, 2009; The Boeing 737-200QC is the undisputed workhorse of the skies.

In our case, it was because our late nineties operation management system could only - and this is true - output reports to a network printer with a very specific name.

I eventually figured out a way to print, cancel the print job, then find the text file the system had produced for the print job and use that. Of course you'd have to take out the spaces between the columns and the empty rows between the pages but hey.

# ? Mar 13, 2016 00:51

Mike-o: Dec 25, 2004; Now I'm in your room
And I'm in your bed; Grimey Drawer

FrozenVent posted:

In our case, it was because our late nineties operation management system could only - and this is true - output reports to a network printer with a very specific name.

I eventually figured out a way to print, cancel the print job, then find the text file the system had produced for the print job and use that. Of course you'd have to take out the spaces between the columns and the empty rows between the pages but hey.

but did you print out porno on it we need to know

# ? Mar 13, 2016 00:53

Memento: Aug 25, 2009; Bleak Gremlin

FrozenVent posted:

In our case, it was because our late nineties operation management system could only - and this is true - output reports to a network printer with a very specific name.

I eventually figured out a way to print, cancel the print job, then find the text file the system had produced for the print job and use that. Of course you'd have to take out the spaces between the columns and the empty rows between the pages but hey.

You sure you're in the right thread there son?

# ? Mar 13, 2016 00:53

FrozenVent: May 1, 2009; The Boeing 737-200QC is the undisputed workhorse of the skies.

poo poo, sorry. It's me, I'm the idiot.

K merchant marine idiot story to compensate slightly: Had a deckhand decide the cleaner he was using to wash the floors in the accommodations wasn't powerful enough, so he did a half and half mix with bleach.

Somehow the dude didn't realize that was bad until we smelled chemical in the wheelhouse four decks above, at that point he'd spread the death mix over about 600 square feet of flooring (the entire hallway on the poop deck).

We finished the night with every accommodation block door open, off New Brunswick in January. It was a great loving night.

Dude was smarter than his replacement though, who basically blew off a security inspector when the guy offered to show him his ID.

FrozenVent fucked around with this message at 01:06 on Mar 13, 2016

# ? Mar 13, 2016 01:00

Internet Wizard: Aug 9, 2009; BANDAIDS DON'T FIX BULLET HOLES

Dick Burglar posted:

Aren't there a lot of other medical allergies (not necessarily just food related) that will keep you out of military service? Hell, are peanut allergy people allowed in these days? As long as you're not pretendo-allergic to The Glutens then yeah, it seems pretty loving reasonable not to take in somebody whose diet is a logistical pain in the rear end.

I made good friends with a guy that had a peanut allergy in MCT back in 2013 and it was great. Traded him all of my skittles and dumb cheese packets for his peanut butter and peanut m&ms

# ? Mar 13, 2016 01:18

chemosh6969

Jul 3, 2004

code:
cat /dev/null > /etc/professionalism

_{_{I am in fact a massive asswagon.

Do not let me touch computer.}}

EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:

i got a letter from the army saying i can't army anymore

have fun in the desert boys

seal it back up and put "refused, return to sender" on the envelope and send it back

# ? Mar 13, 2016 02:05

Dingleberry: Aug 21, 2011

Casimir Radon posted:

Mia jumped on the twitter celebrity bandwagon and stopped shooting porn. I probably shouldn't complain since I've paid for exactly none of it.

The porn industry is going to have to go back to putting a veil on a Mexican lady for their Arab pornstresses.

# ? Mar 13, 2016 03:34

MA-Horus: Dec 3, 2006; I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.

Dang it I thought she was Persian.

Persian girls are fine as gently caress in my humble opinion.

# ? Mar 13, 2016 05:04

Soulex: Apr 1, 2009; Cacati in mano e pigliati a schiaffi!

Aylar Lie is loving hot. She's Persian iirc.

# ? Mar 13, 2016 05:22

Hyperlynx: Sep 13, 2015

Catherine Bell.

# ? Mar 13, 2016 06:23

EBB: Feb 15, 2005

chemosh6969 posted:

seal it back up and put "refused, return to sender" on the envelope and send it back

not even for a beej from katy perry

# ? Mar 13, 2016 06:24

Casimir Radon: Aug 2, 2008

Hyperlynx posted:

Catherine Bell.

She did some Skinemax softcore back in the 90s that's pretty decent and easy to find.

# ? Mar 13, 2016 06:43

Mustang: Jun 18, 2006; “We don’t really know where this goes — and I’m not sure we really care.”

I don't know what the Persian women in Iran might be like but the ones here in the US are hot as gently caress and I've yet to meet a devout religious Persian in the US. The ones that managed to immigrate here seem to be a pretty irreligious bunch.

# ? Mar 13, 2016 07:23

Professor Bling: Nov 12, 2008; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:

not even for a beej from katy perry

What about butt stuff

# ? Mar 13, 2016 08:05

Memento: Aug 25, 2009; Bleak Gremlin

Mustang posted:

I don't know what the Persian women in Iran might be like but the ones here in the US are hot as gently caress and I've yet to meet a devout religious Persian in the US. The ones that managed to immigrate here seem to be a pretty irreligious bunch.

Well I might be in Iran in a few months, I'll report back. We've drawn up an outline for a huge geophysical survey and we're waiting on budget sign off to get a scoping study done. Since the sanctions were lifted they've been shopping around for western mining companies to help unlock their mineral wealth. They haven't ever really had a modern survey conducted.

# ? Mar 13, 2016 08:27

xthetenth: Dec 30, 2012; Mario wasn't sure if this Jeb guy was a good influence on Yoshi.

Mustang posted:

I don't know what the Persian women in Iran might be like but the ones here in the US are hot as gently caress and I've yet to meet a devout religious Persian in the US. The ones that managed to immigrate here seem to be a pretty irreligious bunch.

Yeah, the Persians in the US aren't at all a representative sample. They're the people who got the heck out when the revolution came, and as a result are actually if I remember right the best educated national/ethnic group in the US overall.

# ? Mar 13, 2016 09:07

Wild T: Dec 15, 2008; The point I'm trying to make is that the only way to come out on top is to kick the Air Force in the nuts, beart it savagely with a weight and take a dump on it's face.

Memento posted:

Well I might be in Iran in a few months, I'll report back. We've drawn up an outline for a huge geophysical survey and we're waiting on budget sign off to get a scoping study done. Since the sanctions were lifted they've been shopping around for western mining companies to help unlock their mineral wealth. They haven't ever really had a modern survey conducted.

Like we're saying, if you go tell us all about opportunities for deep drilling.

My best friend's half-sister is half Turkish and hot as gently caress. I often balance the pros and cons of trying to bang her versus our friendship, but so far friendship was won out. I may have to offer my own sister in return but I think that's doable.

# ? Mar 13, 2016 13:13

Kung Fu Fist Fuck: Aug 9, 2009

Mike-o posted:

your mother

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InBZINtS0ec

# ? Mar 13, 2016 19:49

US Berder Patrol: Jul 11, 2006; oorah

Mustang posted:

I don't know what the Persian women in Iran might be like but the ones here in the US are hot as gently caress and I've yet to meet a devout religious Persian in the US. The ones that managed to immigrate here seem to be a pretty irreligious bunch.

A chick from Iran gave me a handjob on a bus in South Africa. She didn't seem super religious.

# ? Mar 13, 2016 19:52

Dmaonk: Oct 15, 2007; Chinese Starcraft tomato ninja image

xthetenth posted:

Yeah, the Persians in the US aren't at all a representative sample. They're the people who got the heck out when the revolution came, and as a result are actually if I remember right the best educated national/ethnic group in the US overall.

Same thing in Sweden. Something like 39% of the Iranian labor force in Sweden has university degrees, compared to 33% for the majority population.

# ? Mar 13, 2016 21:29

ElMaligno: Dec 31, 2004; Be Gay!
Do Crime!

Someone at work did a typo and wrote flair instead of flare. It was amusing enough for me to send him a Ric Flair picture and to forwarn them about the Figure Four submission.

Its me I am the idiot.

# ? Mar 16, 2016 22:24

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

ElMaligno posted:

Someone at work did a typo and wrote flair instead of flare. It was amusing enough for me to send him a Ric Flair picture and to forwarn them about the Figure Four submission.

Its me I am the idiot.

Dude, I will never give anyone poo poo for quoting the Rolex wearin�, diamond ring wearin�, kiss stealin�, wheelin� dealin�, limousine ridin�, jet flyin� son of a gun

# ? Mar 16, 2016 22:31

ElMaligno: Dec 31, 2004; Be Gay!
Do Crime!

Booblord Zagats posted:

Dude, I will never give anyone poo poo for quoting the Rolex wearin�, diamond ring wearin�, kiss stealin�, wheelin� dealin�, limousine ridin�, jet flyin� son of a gun

WOOOO!

# ? Mar 16, 2016 22:34

iyaayas01: Feb 19, 2010; Perry'd

The contractor that was our trainer/babysitter during my first TDY to Korea was the spitting image of The Nature Boy.

He was unfamiliar with professional wresting, but once we showed him a picture and explained a little bit, every morning he'd walk in to our building with a big WOOOOO

# ? Mar 16, 2016 23:10

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

iyaayas01 posted:

The contractor that was our trainer/babysitter during my first TDY to Korea was the spitting image of The Nature Boy.

He was unfamiliar with professional wresting, but once we showed him a picture and explained a little bit, every morning he'd walk in to our building with a big WOOOOO

It's infectious. I haven't cared about prowrestling since I was 13 or 14, but to this day I still quote Ric Flair at every opportunity. Hell, just the other day I I got to tell a young guy on the other team during a rugby game in the park "They say that if you want to be the man, you gotta beat the men, son. And do not even waste a moment wondering who that is" as I smiled at him and walked away with a nice, restrained "Woo"

Felt so fuckin cool

I'm such a fuckin dork

# ? Mar 16, 2016 23:14

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

Also my personal idiocy for the idiot thread by way of the Star Citizen thread

Booblord Zagats posted:

Star Citizen reminds me of the most hyped up yet ultimately most disappointing sex of my life.

I was a young man, about 20, I had just been assigned to Edwards AFB as an active duty Marine working with a reserve unit. It was heaven. Hot Air Force girls everywhere, base DFAC had good food, very few other Marines to run up and yell idiot poo poo like "Yut-yut" and "Debba-dawg" whenever they saw me with my wallet in my pocket instead of in my socks. There was a really, really cute AF girl I had met my first day while one of our reservists was showing me around base. She was incredibly attractive, long black hair, perky tits you could see even when she was wearing those terrible BDUs the AF had then. She shouldn't have enlisted, she should have just gone to a modelling agency and worked boat shows and trade conventions making more money than she could have as an E-4.

We hit it off very well, she and I both had a lot of similar interests, ranging from James Bond movies, a love of older Lotus' and we even both were still quoting Beavis and Butthead episodes in the year 2003. We would spend as much time as we could together. She was dealing with breaking up with her ex-fiance, I was new to the area, so I was trying to play it cool and not push anything.One weekend I was about to leave to spend the long 4th of July weekend with my older brother who owned a place in San Diego. She was bummed because she had nowhere to go and my brothers then-wife suggested I invite this girl to come with me. I asked her and she was really excited to come. She packed her poo poo and we drove to my brother's condo. The drive up we flirted and teased the whole way, she kept putting her hand on my lap and moving her fingers just a small amount until she could feel me getting hard, then she'd laugh and blush. I was pretty pumped for a 4 day weekend with her.

That night we went to Anthony's Fish Grotto and had dinner. She had gotten something with a lot of oysters and shrimp in it, I just went with some crab legs. We had a very nice dinner and even had some wine, though we were both about 6 months underage for that. Fast forward a little bit and we're back at my brother's condo. He and his wife were out with her coworkers for some fundraiser party at the Zoo. So here I am with this gorgeous girl, all alone in a nice guest room. She and I start making out and she whispers in my ear that we can't go all the way this weekend, because she had just started her period. A bit disappointing, but not the end of the world, I tell her not to worry about it and we keep fooling around.

20 minutes later I'm about as ready to go as I had ever been and she unzips my pants and starts giving me a handy, but she's starting to sweat, like a lot, I ask her if she's alright, she says "yeah, just a little warm in here" and takes her top off. She has loving "innie" nipples, not awful, just not what I was hoping for. Still, she's sweet and beautiful and Im not the type to let a blemish in the paint ruin a car. I ignore then and she starts rubbing her tits all over my face, I go along with it because I'm 20 with a hard on that could be used to shape steel. She started working her way down and gave me the toothiest BJ in the history of oral sex. It felt like she was dragging my cock through wet driveway gravel, I just dealt with it instead of asking her to stop because, once again, she's pretty and I have a 6 hour old boner. She really starts trying to deep throat me now, just shoving her head all the way down, I can hear her gagging a little so I try to help her out by moving her head up off of me a little, instead she jams down again and it starts a massive chain reaction that would trigger all 5 stages of grief in about a 9 second span.

She starts barfing, but the panic makes her try to shut her mouth, which still has my shaft in it, so now she's clamping on my dick while spewing stomach bile and clam sauce all over it. I put my hands around her head and get a thumb on the jaw hinge and gently yet emphatically push it in a little while moving her head up, she's now depositing her entire dinner of mollusks on my lap, and my dick is probably bleeding from her biting down. I didn't know what hurt more, her vomit on an open dong wound or stomach bile caught up in my dick-hole. That moment after, where I had a crying mostly naked girl trying to clean up her vomit off the floor, while I dealt with two new forms of terrible searing pain in and on my johnson while I dealt with the smell of the rotting remains of the Pacific coastline plopped in my lap and tried to say "it's okay" in a voice that wasn't me screaming out in pain and disgust, that moment just reminds me of how I feel about this whole project now.

It started with a lot of promise and excitement, all the right things were there, but now here we are, bleeding dicks in hand trying to clear a barrel jam created by undercooked oysters and over-enthusiastic but ultimately under-experienced vigor

# ? Mar 16, 2016 23:23

Splode: Jun 18, 2013; put some clothes on you little freak

I feel like that story got out of hand surprisingly quickly

# ? Mar 16, 2016 23:30

iyaayas01: Feb 19, 2010; Perry'd

Reaffirmed the age old truism, anything involving Marines and sex will find a way to go terribly wrong

also please rename me to open dong wound

# ? Mar 16, 2016 23:36

MrYenko: Jun 18, 2012; #2 isn't ALWAYS bad...

Splode posted:

I feel like that story got out of hand surprisingly quickly

That story got bad as soon as it got out of her hand.

# ? Mar 16, 2016 23:48

ManMythLegend: Aug 18, 2003; I don't believe in anything, I'm just here for the violence.

Booblord Zagats posted:

Also my personal idiocy for the idiot thread by way of the Star Citizen thread

Anthony's Fish Grotto is a pretty good restaurant imho.

# ? Mar 17, 2016 00:09

Godholio: Aug 28, 2002; Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?

Once the escalation began, at no point could I predict what would happen next. :stare:

Edit: V Well I figured vomit would be involved at some point, but I thought it would be from further drinking not self-induced purging with a dick.

Godholio fucked around with this message at 00:26 on Mar 17, 2016

# ? Mar 17, 2016 00:19

Dick Burglar: Mar 6, 2006

Really? The mention of what she ate made me guess it pretty early on. Didn't expect the innie nips though!

# ? Mar 17, 2016 00:22

lightpole: Jun 4, 2004; I think that MBAs are useful, in case you are looking for an answer to the question of "Is lightpole a total fucking idiot".

That's true love you cynical fucks

# ? Mar 17, 2016 00:53

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 30, 2024 18:47

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

ManMythLegend posted:

Anthony's Fish Grotto is a pretty good restaurant imho.

Agreed, my brother always took any visiting family there everytime they came to visit

# ? Mar 17, 2016 01:04

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Let's Talk About Idiots! We can't stop here, this is Ba'ath country!

«‹›435 »