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where is the kobold marital trance???
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Apr 22, 2016 21:10
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Tiler Kiwi posted:where is the kobold marital trance??? Best typo. Preserving for future generations.
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Apr 22, 2016 21:24
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phone's autocorrect feature has been noted for its class traitor tendencies
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Apr 22, 2016 21:26
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Tiler Kiwi posted:where is the kobold marital trance??? Two kobolds enter, twenty two kobolds leave.
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Apr 22, 2016 21:38
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Unthrottle and Albrik sitting in a tree, D-Y-I-N-G. First comes Qwarf, then comes Braun, third comes Dussel with a hemmorage. Seriously, what rhymes with carraige in the arena? Does this app spellcheck? Hemmorage cant be right...
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Apr 22, 2016 23:41
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Spermy Smurf posted:Unthrottle and Albrik sitting in a tree, D-Y-I-N-G. Hemmorhage. You were close. Also, carriage.
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Apr 22, 2016 23:53
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Hey, Albatross. Get fuked.
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Apr 22, 2016 23:59
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Goddammit. I knew that was going to be a tough fight but I thought for sure we'd get a kill or two.
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Apr 23, 2016 00:04
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Ablative posted:Hemmorhage. You were close. Haemorrhage, if you live in a country with Real Spelling.
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Apr 23, 2016 00:26
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Goddammit Unthrottle, stop being terrible. 
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Apr 23, 2016 01:17
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Man 2 fights left this round - can't wait to see Go Big screw up royally and lose a fight we should win
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Apr 25, 2016 12:11
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I've got a horrible feeling that Worse Munki are about to do exactly the same.
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Apr 25, 2016 12:16
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 Round 15, Fight 3 Worse Munki (11-3) is on the left side of the arena. Experiment Twenty-Two (fallingdownjoe) is a female tigerman. She wields an iron long sword and wears an iron helm, leather armor, and an iron mail shirt. Strangler Than Fiction (Tunicate) is a female strangler. She is empty handed and wears an iron helm, leather armor, a copper mail shirt, a platinum mail shirt, bronze gauntlets, and copper low boots. SRIRACHA FARTSTORM RETURNS (Pittsburgh Lambic) is a male elf. He wields a silver war hammer and wears leather leggings and leather high boots. Chaz Steadyfist (Segway Rave) is a male werewolf. He wields an iron halberd and a wooden shield and wears a silver helm, leather armor, leather leggings, and leather gauntlets. The Petting Zoo (8-6) is on the right side of the arena. Antwoman (Spermy Smurf) is a female soldier ant woman. She wields an iron large dagger, a copper large dagger, and a bronze large dagger and wears an iron helm, a copper mail shirt, copper greaves, copper gauntlets, and copper low boots. A Lost Cowman (Locomotive breath) is a male minotaur. He is empty handed and wears a silver helm, leather armor, a steel mail shirt, copper greaves, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots. Simon Belmole (Ablative) is a male molemarian. He wields a copper scourge and wears a copper helm, a copper mail shirt, copper gauntlets, and copper high boots. Stephen Harper (ChickenWing) is a male serpent man. He wields a silver war hammer and a wooden shield and wears a copper cap, an iron mail shirt, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots.  Worse Munki is a 1.69 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 14050.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 8338.00 dwarfbucks for The Petting Zoo.  The glorious Antwoman is top right, and the dastardly Chaz is bottom left. Will these two titans meet in the melee? I fuckin' hope not  The eight competitors slam into each other. First blood goes to Chaz who chops Simon's neck open. The real problem for Petting Zoo is the fact that SRIRACHA shattered Cowmans neck, then Strangler bit Cowman. Cowman, on his way through the melee, grabs the strangler biting him and throws him behind like a piece of trash. And then SRIRACHA fractures Cowmans skull. Thankfully it's just his neck and skull and not any important bits like a foot. Stephen Harper arrives and smashes Experiment 22's right forearm, chipping bone and causing extreme pain.   Simon Belmole, oozing neck blood, slams into Chaz and they both end up stunned. Cowman finishes his insane run across the arena by slamming into SRIRACHA and the elf is sent tumbling.  Experiment 22 hacks Simon's face, sending teeth flying. But that just means he left his back exposed to Antwoman and Stephen Harper. Experiment 22's arm is pierced by a dagger, and the tiger passes out from pain.  Cowman is the only Zoo member that isn't focused on the unconscious tigerman. Chaz's halberd bounces off of steel mail, and then SRIRACHA screams in pain as Cowman bends his hip until it breaks.  After 3 gladiators smashing a skull, it turns out it's Antwoman who gets the kill.  Chaz turns his attention to the huge moleman and sends a mole hand flying through the air. A few seconds later a mole foot flies off. Antwoman and Stephen move north to work on Strangler now that he's regained his feet. Stephen Harper lands a devastating blow to Strangler and spine tissue is torn. Strangler falls to the floor. Cowman bends SRIRACHAS elbow backwards until it pops, he passes out. A horn to the face ends SRIRACHA.  Up top Antwoman and Stephen chop and smash Strangler until he passes out. Down south Simon tries to drag himself closer to Chaz while Chaz fractures Cowmans already-fractured skull. Cowman drops like a rock.  Simon sprays blood everywhere while Chaz chops off Cowmans head.  Antwoman chops off Stranglers nose, and Stephen crushes the skull for the kill. Stephen and Antwoman move south, fear in their eyes.  Chaz sees two more gladiators coming and decides the best way to deal with it is to demoralize them. To this end he starts chopping off random bodyparts from Simon. Before the moleman loses than hand he lands a lash on Chaz's thigh which fractures bone and causes intense pain.  Stephen arrives and breaks Chaz's right arm and the deadly halberd clangs to the floor. Antwoman chops his other arm deeply, and Chaz checks out.  Simon did his job admirably. He will be remembered as the rear end in a top hat who couldn't hold it together for 5 more seconds and now we have a 4-2 victory instead of 4-1  Stephen Harper adds another notch to his hammer. The Petting Zoo wins in what was apparently an upset. I didn't know it was an upset, I thought we were a lock to win that thing. Kills: Stephen Harper: 2 Antwoman: 1 Cowman: 1 Chaz: 2 Combat Log 
Spermy Smurf fucked around with this message at 13:17 on Apr 25, 2016 |
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Apr 25, 2016 13:14
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I should just stop betting on my team already 
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Apr 25, 2016 13:18
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Betting on Chaz isn't usually a bad idea. Stephen got a great blow to break Stranglers neck which made that 2v1 much easier. Otherwise he would have chopped one of us up and then it would have been different once Chaz joined in from behind. I really hate running my own fights, but I don't cheat I promise  Edit: One more fight this round and then a little break. And then we're back to homefield advantage which people need to remember when placing bets! Spermy Smurf fucked around with this message at 13:28 on Apr 25, 2016 |
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Apr 25, 2016 13:25
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I am eternally surprised by Stephen's not-uselessness.
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Apr 25, 2016 14:22
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Congratulations to the Petting Zoo - I guess they learned from her last couple of fights that the only way to contain Experiment 22 is to gang up on her like a group of playground bullies.
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Apr 25, 2016 14:56
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So this fight was awesome. Round 15, Fight 8 Team Laser Explosion (6-8) is on the left side of the arena. Anthony (dasmause) is a male tigerman. He is empty handed and wears an iron helm, an iron mail shirt, iron greaves, iron gauntlets, and iron low boots. Mogwai (Dark Off) is a female gremlin. She wields a copper large dagger and a silver buckler and wears a copper helm, leather armor, and copper gauntlets. Molegrim (Maugrim) is a male molemarian. He wields a copper spear and wears a bronze helm, copper gauntlets, and bronze high boots. Turquoise Tonic (Hihohe) is a male human. He wields a silver mace and an iron buckler and wears an iron cap, an iron mail shirt, leather leggings, leather gauntlets, and leather low boots. Go big and/or go home (7-7) is on the right side of the arena. Snowshank Redemption (A good poster) is a male yeti. He wields a copper large dagger and wears an iron mail shirt, copper greaves, and copper gauntlets. Tyler Durden is Hobbes (habituallyred) is a male tigerman. He is empty handed and wears an iron helm and leather armor. 3 Wolf Moon Shirt (iLonie) is a male werewolf. He wields an iron two-handed sword and wears a leather cap, leather armor, leather leggings, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. Slam Whale Willy (potatomanjack) is a male werewolf. He wields a silver mace and a wooden buckler and wears an iron cap, a copper mail shirt, leather leggings, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots.  Go big and/or go home is a 2.13 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 3361.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 1576.00 dwarfbucks for Team Laser Explosion.  Big guys on the right, but some size on the left as well...  The fighters clash and it turns out that Snowshank is handy with that dagger of his. He slashes Mogwai's hand open, then shatters Anthony's spine (which doesn't matter). A second slash shatters Anthony's skull...  Anthony drops like it's hot.  Turquoise bruises Hobbes' leg which enrages the tiger. 3 Wolf Moon puts his sword to good use and chops off Molegrims tail.  3 Wolf Moon sticks his sword in Molegrims ribs while Slam Whale breaks the molemans arm. 3 Wolf Moon removes his tongue.  Mogwai tries to turn Snowshanks attention, but the tiny gremlin can't distract Hobbes too. The tiger gets the kill. Down south Molegrim takes a sword in the foot but finally stabs 3 Wolf Moon in the head with his spear.  3 Wolf Moon falls to the floor. Slam Whale and Molegrim duel, Turquoise turns his attention to the enraged Hobbes.  Molegrim takes another blow but plants his spear in Slam Whale's neck. A second slash chops the 2nd werewolf down to size.  Now that there is easy prey, Turquoise comes back to help.  Turquoise takes the second kill. Up top: Mogwai can't get through Snowshanks armor, and finally the yeti just throws the small gladiator in frustration.  Snowshank and Hobbes collide in their haste to reach the stunned gremlin. Hobbes punches a hand to paste, Snowshank chops off a gremlin foot.  Turquoise arrives, but Hobbes steps in the way.  Mogwai dies to a Showshanks dagger at the same time Turquoise breaks Hobbes' hand.  Hobbes passes out. Molegrim is pale from blood loss and barely mobile. We've got a legit 1v1 that will decide the winner of this match. This is badass.  Turquoise dodges multiple charges from Snowshank, but the humans mace is deflected by armor over and over again.  Snowshank finally slows the human down with a fractured foot.  And then the yeti bruises Turquoise's guts and fractures his skull. Turquoise Tonic_LASER: I've been injured badly. I feel hopeless. Molegrim sees an opportunity and begins pulling himself toward the unconscious Hobbes with whatever limbs remain.  Snowshank daggers Turquoise a few more times.  Snowshank is exhausted, but he can tell he's in better shape than Molegrim.  Molegrim struggles to pull his spear from Hobbes' stomach when Snowshank finally arrives.  Molegrim stabs Hobbes in the head, but somehow Hobbes is not killed. Snowshank stabs Molegrim in the chest, and the moleman bleeds what little blood he had left. Go big and/or go home wins in a very close 4-2 match. Kills: Snowshank: 3 Hobbes: 1 Turquoise: 2 Combat Log 
Spermy Smurf fucked around with this message at 15:27 on Apr 25, 2016 |
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Apr 25, 2016 15:19
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Round is over, update your poo poo and place bets Remember that these final 3 rounds have Homefield advantage (+1 to the highest skill, or +1 to the first skill in the list if two are tied in levels). That sucks if you have 5 Fighting and 5 Weapon... The fighting gets the point, not the weapon skill.
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Apr 25, 2016 15:31
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So basically at the end there, Molgrim woke up, took stock of the situation, said, "Well, that yeti is in better shape than I am and he's going to kill me eventually, but with a little luck, I might be able to kill that unconscious tigerman before my death."
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Apr 25, 2016 15:36
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That was my best betting round yet! 7/8 bets won! The Subterranean Animists - Lightly Whipped match should be a doozy.
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Apr 25, 2016 16:23
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Can I have back my whip just for old times sake in the last few rounds 
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Apr 25, 2016 16:40
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End of the round, and end of the interdivisionals. How did each fortress fare against the others? Boatmurdered versus Gemclod: 0 wins to 4 2 kills to 16 2 wins to 2 8 kills to 11 2 wins to 2 9 kills to 8 0 wins to 4 2 kills to 16 Gemclod win 12-4, 51 kills to 21. The single most one-sided shellacking any fortress has yet delivered to another. Two clean sweeps! 30-point kill difference! Before this round, no fortress 4-0ed another, and the previous kill difference record was 19, held by Boatmurdered. Bronzestabbed versus Syrupleaf 1 win to 3 7 kills to 13 0 wins to 4 1 kill to 16 2 wins to 2 10 kills to 9 2 wins to 2 9 kills to 10 Syrupleaf win 11-5, 48 kills to 27. The second most brutal beatdown between fortresses. One clean sweep and a 21-point difference in kills. For the first time, a match involving Syrupleaf doesn't end in a tie determined by kill difference. Final results: Boatmurdered beat Bronzestabbed, tied with Syrupleaf (losing on kills) and lost to Gemclod. Bronzestabbed beat Gemclod, lost to Boatmurdered and lost to Syrupleaf. Gemclod beat Boatmurdered, tied with Syrupleaf (winning on kills) and lost to Bronzestabbed. Syrupleaf beat Bronzestabbed, tied with Boatmurdered (winning on kills) and tied with Gemclod (losing on kills) Both Gemclod and Syrupleaf end up with a 2-1 record. We'll have to decide this with kills. Kill tallies: Gemclod 126 Syrupleaf 125 Boatmurdered 104 Bronzestabbed 98 Gemclod are the best fortress, by a single kill! Now, the playoffs. Currently, the top two in each division are in the qualifying spots. Most precarious is Go Big and/or Go Home, whilst they are alone on an 8-7 record, both Spooky Scary Skeletons and A Tarantino Film are on 7-8. This looks like it will go to the wire...
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Apr 25, 2016 16:50
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GreyPowerVan posted:Can I have back my whip just for old times sake in the last few rounds Just purchase it and we'll consider it. No promises, mind.
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Apr 25, 2016 16:52
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Good job Syrupleaf. How do you see the home team advantage affecting these edge case team's chances, AJImpy?
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Apr 25, 2016 17:16
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AJ_Impy posted:End of the round, and end of the interdivisionals. How did each fortress fare against the others? This is all well and good but you failed to mention Worker Cooperative's communizing influence on the rest of Syrupleaf division. Of all the divisions, Syrupleaf has the narrowest range of win/loss ratios among its teams. It also has the narrowest ranges of kills allowed and kills caused. It's not exactly equal yet, so there is still much work to be done, but it is encouraging that the other Syrupleaf teams are beginning adopt global communist ideology. Not like those pigs in Bronzestabbed, ruled by the disgusting and racially homogenous Animists enforcing almost the worst W/L inequality imaginable and permanently consigning whip-wielding non-dwarfs to the winless underclass. AJ your updates do not do enough to track the progress of global communism which everyone knows is the true purpose of this whole tournament 
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Apr 25, 2016 17:25
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AJ_Impy posted:Now, the playoffs. Currently, the top two in each division are in the qualifying spots. Most precarious is Go Big and/or Go Home, whilst they are alone on an 8-7 record, both Spooky Scary Skeletons and A Tarantino Film are on 7-8. This looks like it will go to the wire... Ramc posted:Good job Syrupleaf. How do you see the home team advantage affecting these edge case team's chances, AJImpy? Go big/home and Tarantino have 2 Homefield advantage fights out of 3. Spooky Scary have 1 out of 3. However, SSS's one homefield advantage is against Petting Zoo who is directly above them in Syrupleaf. They could knock us out and take the #2 spot in Syrupleaf if they win that one (and win the other fights while Zoo loses one of them).
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Apr 25, 2016 17:28
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Spermy Smurf posted:Go big/home and Tarantino have 2 Homefield advantage fights out of 3. Spooky Scary have 1 out of 3. A good assessment, but context is everything. It's not the Petting Zoo who need to worry about losing their place. Fortunately for Go big, two thirds of their opponents are eminently beatable: The Pals in third have worse stats than fully half the bottom teams, and Lightly Whipped have now lost to every other team in the tournament. Gemclod, however, will be a knockdown, drag-out brawl. Even FF2C have been on a big resurgent streak, the Skeletons 4-0ed the Dentists last time they met, and the Zoo 3-1ed the Skeletons. It's going to be vicious and bloody in the best fortress. Syrupleaf is likewise too close to call, thanks to their communist tendency to mediocrity.
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Apr 25, 2016 18:04
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Cathode Raymond posted:Not like those pigs in Bronzestabbed, ruled by the disgusting and racially homogenous Animists enforcing almost the worst W/L inequality imaginable and permanently consigning whip-wielding non-dwarfs to the winless underclass. Hey, watch Lightly Whipped turn it all around as we host them this round. The ultimate underdog story.
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Apr 25, 2016 20:48
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I am happy to see I got a kill and that we are in contention. I only wish I did not spend all those points on wrestling.
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Apr 26, 2016 08:29
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AJ_Impy posted:End of the round, and end of the interdivisionals. How did each fortress fare against the others? Total wins by division: Boatmurdered: 29 (11, 9, 6, 3) Gemclod: 32 (11,9,7,5) Syrupleaf: 33 (11,9,7,6) Bronzestabbed: 26 (13,8,5,0) By wins, Syrupleaf is the best division.
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Apr 26, 2016 11:24
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Pickled Tink posted:Nice analysis, except it is wrong. Differing methodology. You're comparing the fortresses individually across the whole of the tournament, I'm comparing the fortresses against each other in the interdivisional matchups. Since the wins are already taken into account as the primary determinant of who beat whom, the tie breaker needs to be something else.
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Apr 26, 2016 12:29
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Update your poo poo you loving fucks. I want to start the next round soon.
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Apr 26, 2016 12:46
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It's been about 24 hours you should just go for it. That's, like, a whole DAY.
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Apr 26, 2016 14:22
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Spermy Smurf posted:Update your poo poo you loving fucks. I want to start the next round soon. Dude, I did, what more do you want
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Apr 26, 2016 14:33
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Spermy Smurf posted:Update your poo poo you loving fucks. I want to start the next round soon. They've had plenty of time. Hit it.
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Apr 26, 2016 14:40
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Spermy Smurf posted:Update your poo poo you loving fucks. I want to start the next round soon. You can't tell me what to do, you're not my dad, or my dad. Just for that I'm leaving Cowman's points unspent.
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Apr 26, 2016 15:24
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Why hasn't the next round started yet, what are you even doing Smermy Spurf???
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Apr 26, 2016 17:37
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Locomotive breath posted:You can't tell me what to do, you're not my dad, or my dad. Just for that I'm leaving Cowman's points unspent. You wouldn't dare.
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Apr 26, 2016 22:35
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So who are we rematching this go-around then... I see.
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Apr 27, 2016 01:51
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