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Her intent was that my sister would be able to legally buy and consume her own drink as a societal freedom milestone. Your first legal drink at age 21 is typically a celebrated thing. The irony is that my mom's a recovered alcoholic and hasn't had any alcohol since the 80's anyway, which paints a precious picture of her chastely enjoying a sweet tea while my sister boozed it up.
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Apr 6, 2016 01:15
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Reminds me when I went out to a bar with my best mate last year. We're in Australia, so the legal drinking age is 18. We're both pushing 30 and I'm married, and was bummed by how loving stupid everyone was. All these idiot young people being 18 and retarded. Were we ever this loving stupid, back then? Yes, yes we were. Edit: But when we did it it was awesome. 
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Apr 6, 2016 03:21
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I work in a kindergarten with 4-6 Yeats olds. Some things I've heard in the last few days: "I'm an ugly poop! I'm an ugly poop! I'm an ugly poop!" "I hate the government and I hate tax evasion." "That tree is about 1020cm. Because I am 113,31cm and it is about ten times my height." "I am nothing"
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Apr 13, 2016 13:10
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The baby I watch is really into looking at her baby animal book while she points to the various farm animals and makes the corresponding sound. One day she brought over her big brother's Zombie Survival Guide book, pointed to the zombie on the cover, and went "UUUUUUUUUURGGGHGHGHGGHH!" Yes, kiddo, that IS what the zombie says 
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Apr 14, 2016 08:26
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My cousin's almost-3 year-old: "The planets go around the sun but I can open this banana." (To destroy the profoundness of the statement: his working theory is that she was patiently repeating the scientific information, but was really more interested in eating the banana  )
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Apr 15, 2016 19:14
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Teketeketeketeke posted:My cousin's almost-3 year-old: I was told these two stories about my (autistic) 8yo at his IEP meeting yesterday: 1. When his gym class did archery, he put great effort into paying attention to the directions and doing everything correctly. Meanwhile, the girl behind him was goofing around and didn't know what to do. He turned around and said severely "Did you fail to listen to the instructions?" 2. A teacher was working with him on showing his work in math class instead of just writing the answer. "But I just know the answer!" he protested. She explained that while his brain may get there fast, hers needed to understand the process by steps, and she needed him to explain each step of how he got to the answer so she would know what he was doing. He sighed irritably and said "Stupid people are annoying!"
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Apr 15, 2016 20:11
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pookel posted:
Your son is great.
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Apr 15, 2016 21:19
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pookel posted:I don't see any planets opening bananas, do you? Like an irritable Spock.
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Apr 15, 2016 21:27
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pookel posted:
Your son sounds exactly like mine (also on the spectrum). My daughter (then 7) was going off on a rant about climate change, how she hates people who wreck the environment and animals will go extinct and the Earth will get warmer and there's pollution and acid rain and no more trees and... and... and. The boy (then 10) looked at her and said, "You know, there IS such a thing a noise pollution". Another time, my mum took the daughter out for the day, so my son and I spent the day doing stuff together. Late in the day: Son: "What time will (sister) be home?" Me: "About 7." Son: (looks at the clock) "Then we have 50 minutes to pack and get out of here."
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Apr 16, 2016 04:35
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My brother and I were helping our nephews (sons of our third brother) build some legos, and  they were keeping count. Every time one of us got behind, they were like "Unca, your brother is better than you are!"
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Apr 16, 2016 05:15
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Dekenai posted:
 To be fair to your son, my Dad and I have that same conversation re: my mother every time we're together.
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Apr 16, 2016 07:17
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Dekenai posted:Another time, my mum took the daughter out for the day, so my son and I spent the day doing stuff together. Late in the day:
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Apr 16, 2016 19:08
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pookel posted:1. When his gym class did archery, he put great effort into paying attention to the directions and doing everything correctly. Meanwhile, the girl behind him was goofing around and didn't know what to do. He turned around and said severely "Did you fail to listen to the instructions?" He also told me that the girl next to him in archery (I don't know if this is the same girl) also has a brother in fifth grade, like he does, and she wears blue glasses like he does, and they are also her fourth pair of glasses, just like his! (I thought, "and she's on the spectrum just like you!" although maybe I shouldn't assume that about every detail-oriented child.) I asked him if he knew her name and he just stared at me blankly.
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Apr 16, 2016 19:12
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They're not using real arrows, right? We weren't allowed to do archery until high school, and someone still managed to shoot himself with an arrow.
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Apr 16, 2016 19:58
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How many other spectrum patents are on here anyhow? My 10yo is getting preteen on us and suddenly she's not so cute with the things she's saying. She told my wife to shut up for the first time ever last week. Fun!
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Apr 16, 2016 20:28
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My aunt just recounted this one about my 7-year-old niece: Niece: "There was this really bad guy, Pot Head....." Aunt: "Pot Head??" "You know mom, the guy in Cambodia?" Uncle, struggling not to laugh: "Pol Pot??" "Yeah, that guy...."
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Apr 17, 2016 17:16
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Chamale posted:They're not using real arrows, right? We weren't allowed to do archery until high school, and someone still managed to shoot himself with an arrow. I would guess there are a lot of spectrum parents on SA, because big goons beget little goons. ETA another funny story: Last night 8-year-old and a 5-year-old friend were playing in his room with the door shut. 11-year-old threw open the door and shouted "RELEASE THE HOUNDS!" as our little lhasa apso bounced in and jumped on them, as he knew she would. The Fearsome Hound herself: 
pookel has a new favorite as of 23:41 on Apr 17, 2016 |
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Apr 17, 2016 19:51
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My 5 year old nephew was sick last week, so he stayed home from school. On the last day he was feeling a bit better so his mother took him to a restaurant for lunch. He knows that his grandmother goes to that same restaurant a lot, so when he got home he insisted they had to call her so he could tell her about something new he tried for lunch and how much he liked it. She thought his mother made him call to hint that she wanted a babysitter for dinner time, but apparently it was all his idea because he knew grandma likes it there and wanted to talk to her about it.
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Apr 18, 2016 15:56
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pookel posted:2. A teacher was working with him on showing his work in math class instead of just writing the answer. "But I just know the answer!" he protested. She explained that while his brain may get there fast, hers needed to understand the process by steps, and she needed him to explain each step of how he got to the answer so she would know what he was doing. He sighed irritably and said "Stupid people are annoying!" To be fair, I'm not on the spectrum and used to get pretty annoyed having to show my work in grade school math too.
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Apr 18, 2016 16:06
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"Why does your mouth sound like a wizard when you say hello to her?" Evidently he thinks a bad cockney accent is a Wizard Accent. I told him it was a habit, I didn't have the stones to tell him the somewhat-complicated somewhat-  origin for why I greet random friends with a bad cockney "ello, darlin'".
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Apr 18, 2016 16:28
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STUDENT A: "Student B and Student C got hosed by a dog." ME: "Excuse me?" STUDENT A: "Student B and Student C, a dog hosed them." ME: "YOU NEED TO EXPLAIN THIS." STUDENT A: "It's okay, he's really small." Turns out one of the freshmen had brought a puppy to school...and this is how we learrned the phrase "humped by."
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Apr 19, 2016 11:27
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You need to write a book about this. Seriously every post is amazing.
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Apr 19, 2016 12:03
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Stairs posted:You need to write a book about this. Seriously every post is amazing. ME: "Okay, look at picture A."  ME: "This is Jill; she has a problem. What do you think her problem is?" TOM: "She is the grandmother of God." (He meant "fortune-teller.") Also, one of his classmates wrote an essay about how she plans to start a restaurant called Fart Family Restaurant. I LOVE my job.
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Apr 19, 2016 12:33
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Today I went to my sisters apartment to give my dog to her as I'm moving away out of my parents home, and I saw my nephew (3 years old) and he began to wrap a granola bar in toilet paper or paper towel, whatever it was it was paper, and he just said to me, " Diaper the bar. " Incredible. 
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Apr 22, 2016 21:29
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My boss took her sons fishing. They had meal worms as bait. Her three year old had some in his hands and said "they're my friends!" A couple minutes later she looks over and he's eating something and she says "what are you eating?" "My friends!" this fukkin kid
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Apr 26, 2016 03:48
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Four year old at work today, twirling around and watching her little brother copy her: "This baby does what I do!"
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Apr 26, 2016 04:45
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Astrofig posted:Four year old at work today, twirling around and watching her little brother copy her: When my daughter went to visit her mother's family a while back, she was warned that her younger cousin would probably copy her, so she should be patient with him. "That means I can control him!"
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Apr 26, 2016 04:48
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While at work the other day, I heard a kid gleefully proclaim "Mummy's a fat melon  ". His mother wasn't amused.
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Apr 27, 2016 23:44
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From a Facebook friend:quote:Me to [kid] after the 4th time I dumped a bowl of water that was sitting on the floor in his room:
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Apr 29, 2016 15:13
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My bfs niece is 5 and had some maths questions for her smart engineer uncle when they skyped this morning "Is zero a number?" "If circles have 360 degrees, how many degrees does a person have?" I don't know 
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May 2, 2016 19:29
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The non sequitur pieces of information are a regular occurrence around here, but this one struck me as particularly funny for some reason: Me: OK, can you check if the water is the right temperature for your bath? 8yo: Cesium is very expensive. Did you know that it costs up to $22 a gram?
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May 2, 2016 19:47
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pookel posted:8yo: Cesium is very expensive. Did you know that it costs up to $22 a gram?
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May 2, 2016 20:14
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pookel posted:The non sequitur pieces of information are a regular occurrence around here, but this one struck me as particularly funny for some reason: poo poo, I knew a guy who got that much for weed.
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May 2, 2016 22:47
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Doing an activity in class where they have to practice giving advice. One student presents a situation, asks two other students for advice, and awards a piece of candy to whoever gives the best suggestion. It was going really well- once I made a rule that "kill yourself" isn't acceptable as advice- and then this happened: STUDENT 1: "My friend's grandmother died and I want to make him feel better. How can I help him?" S2: "You should do his grandmother!" It turns out, he meant "be his grandmother"...I'm not sure which suggestion is better. Or worse. So they learned some English slang that day. After we finished cracking up, S3 raised her hand: S3: "Hey, bringmyfishback?" ME: 'Yeah?" S3: "I have advice for S2." ME: "Okay, go ahead." S3: "After that...you should kill yourself." S2: "Yeah, okay, I think so, too."
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May 11, 2016 04:23
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"I'm going to put a ring on her when she falls asleep watching TV with me an' take it off before she wakes up and she'll get used to having a ring on so when I give her a ring she'll want to marry me." The 5yo boy we babysit's plan to marry my girlfriend. I'm not sure if this kid is insane or a genius.
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May 11, 2016 06:18
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I was dressed up as Batman for Free Comic Book Day on Saturday. Taking pictures with cute kids makes me smile. At least two 7-8 year old kids reminded me that Batman doesn't smile.
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May 11, 2016 06:42
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For a while we had a really attractive babysitter. One day, after watching the kids, I was about to drive her back to her dorm and my son asks if she can stay with us. I tell him no, she needs to go back to her place with all of her stuff, and besides she doesnt have a bed here, where would she sleep? He says "she can sleep in my bed with me daddy!" I really wanted to high five him but his mom was nearby.
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May 11, 2016 14:09
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Die Laughing posted:I was dressed up as Batman for Free Comic Book Day on Saturday. Taking pictures with cute kids makes me smile. At least two 7-8 year old kids reminded me that Batman doesn't smile. I hope you said "well, he's not not supposed to have a gun either".
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May 11, 2016 14:13
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What? I just told them I smile all the time, I just normally don't let people see it because I have a reputation to uphold. A three year old told me her favorite color is purple, and I said that was my favorite too, but it doesn't match my cape.
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May 11, 2016 15:17
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Die Laughing posted:A three year old told me her favorite color is purple, and I said that was my favorite too, but it doesn't match my cape. pyf poo poo Batmans say.
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May 11, 2016 20:38
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