TRUMP: holy FUCK its november 8th

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > TRUMP: holy FUCK its november 8th

Trumps Baby Hands: Mar 27, 2016; Silent white light filled the world. And the righteous and unrighteous alike were consumed in that holy fire.

Mayor Dave posted:

his name, sure, but what about his haircut?

From the little bit of the Benghazi hearings I saw he didn't do as bad a job as people said he did re: presenting the facts; the big problem was that he presented those facts after having been born with this face

# ? May 21, 2016 01:05

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# ? May 29, 2024 15:48

AARP LARPer: Feb 19, 2005; THE DARK SIDE OF SCIENCE BREEDS A WEAPON OF WAR; Buglord

Not a Step posted:

I 100% cannot tell if this is satire or truth.

it's a sick joke in poor taste about an iconic picture

AARP LARPer fucked around with this message at 01:16 on May 21, 2016

# ? May 21, 2016 01:12

Good Citizen: Aug 12, 2008; trump trump trump trump trump trump trump trump trump trump

Mayor Dave posted:

his name, sure, but what about his haircut?

The funny thing is that's probably the best hair cut he's ever had, and oh there have been sooo many

# ? May 21, 2016 01:14

Helical Nightmares: Apr 30, 2009

William Bear posted:

I keep forgetting this. Ben Carson's life is amazing.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/book-party/wp/2015/11/05/11-times-god-intervened-directly-in-ben-carsons-life-according-to-ben-carson/

quote:
I had to address the problem of what to do about my current secretary, who, besides being incapable of doing the work, was an alcoholic. I had not told anyone else, but I knew that something had to change.

How do I handle this situation? The woman really needs help. My firing her might add one more disaster to her life. But I can�t have this kind of gross inefficiency, I thought. At the same time, I�m softhearted. I always feel sad when I have to do something unpleasant even if necessary, and it is especially hard for me to fire somebody. I was beside myself, not knowing what to do.

I walked back into my office, shut the door, and prayed quietly, Lord, how am I going to resolve this dilemma without having to hurt anyone? I want to be kind to her, but I can�t let this go on.

I did not get an instant answer, but I felt better.

Two weeks later, my then-secretary did not show up on a Monday morning. We called her apartment and got no response then or later. For days we kept trying to locate her, including checking with all the local hospitals. We never did find out what happened to her. She simply disappeared. I regret that the depth of this woman�s problems leading to her dismal situation was not more apparent to me and that I did not have more time to try to help her resolve her problems.

I am thankful that this problem was resolved without any unpleasantness on my part.

The linked article has more examples of Ben's wonderful life, including the time God gave him .

Uh. What the everliving gently caress and this is distinctly giving me a Dr Ben Carson/ Mr Hyde vibe. That wasn't God dude, that was your genius serial killer split personality telling you every thing will be fine.

I would run his fingerprints through an FBI database after this.

# ? May 21, 2016 01:17

Vox Nihili: May 28, 2008

Helical Nightmares posted:

The linked article has more examples of Ben's wonderful life, including the time God gave him .

Uh. What the everliving gently caress and this is distinctly giving me a Dr Ben Carson/ Mr Hyde vibe. That wasn't God dude, that was your genius serial killer split personality telling you every thing will be fine.

I would run his fingerprints through an FBI database after this.

Dr. Carson & Mr. God.

# ? May 21, 2016 01:29

H5N1: Mar 8, 2005; heil satan

I can't believe how excited I am about the Jeb campaign!

H5N1 fucked around with this message at 23:45 on Oct 18, 2016

# ? May 21, 2016 01:31

Mr Ice Cream Glove: Apr 22, 2007

GOP has got some real winners

quote:

The former chairman of the Cobb County Republican Party was arrested Friday morning and charged with child molestation, jail records showed. Joseph Russell Dendy, 71, was arrested at his West Cobb home and charged with aggravated child molestation and child molestation, both felonies. He was being held at the Cobb jail without bond early Friday afternoon.

Dendy allegedly molested two boys, ages 4 and 12, during separate incidents inside his Creekview Court home, his arrest warrant says. One victim, who is now 20, told police he was molested in 2007 or 2008, when he was 12 or 13 years old. A second victim said Dendy molested him in December 2011, according to police.

http://www.ajc.com/news/news/breaking-news/former-cobb-county-gop-chairman-charged-with-child/nrQsf/

# ? May 21, 2016 01:32

gret: Dec 12, 2005; goggle-eyed freak

logikv9 posted:

ben carson is confessing to murder and all he gets in response is applause

Ben Carson Defends Himself Against Allegations That He Never Attempted to Murder a Child

# ? May 21, 2016 01:41

Helical Nightmares: Apr 30, 2009

H5N1 posted:

Ditch the establishment and come join the winning team.

#chortles4u

#RenegadesUnite

Here is your logo.

# ? May 21, 2016 01:44

Nix Panicus: Feb 25, 2007

WAR DOGS OF SOCHI posted:

it's a sick joke in poor taste about an iconic picture

And yet if you had told me it was true I wouldn't have even raised an eyebrow. Ben Carson is magical.

Also probably a serial killer.

# ? May 21, 2016 01:49

Helical Nightmares: Apr 30, 2009

Jewel Repetition posted:

Vape pen made me laugh.

because it's true :negative:

Man there are liberals who vape who are moving towards that axis after California gov Jerry Brown signed into law the bill that makes e-cigarettes regulated as tobacco products.

loving Jerry Brown is the worst for so many reasons. Almost makes me miss Schwarzenegger.

# ? May 21, 2016 01:50

Helical Nightmares: Apr 30, 2009

WAR DOGS OF SOCHI posted:

it's a sick joke in poor taste about an iconic picture

I could not if you were joking either.

# ? May 21, 2016 01:51

AARP LARPer: Feb 19, 2005; THE DARK SIDE OF SCIENCE BREEDS A WEAPON OF WAR; Buglord

Not a Step posted:

And yet if you had told me it was true I wouldn't have even raised an eyebrow. Ben Carson is magical.

Also probably a serial killer.

The reference was too obscure, I guess, but it's to this:

AARP LARPer fucked around with this message at 01:54 on May 21, 2016

# ? May 21, 2016 01:51

Nix Panicus: Feb 25, 2007

Helical Nightmares posted:

Vape pen made me laugh.

because it's true

Man there are liberals who vape who are moving towards that axis after California gov Jerry Brown signed into law the bill that makes e-cigarettes regulated as tobacco products.

loving Jerry Brown is the worst for so many reasons. Almost makes me miss Schwarzenegger.

Vaping should be regulated the same way heroin is regulated. Those found vaping should be rounded up, shoved into jails, and rendered unemployable should they ever get released.

# ? May 21, 2016 02:10

Al!: Apr 2, 2010

Not a Step posted:

Vaping should be regulated the same way heroin is regulated. Those found vaping should be rounded up, shoved into jails, and rendered unemployable should they ever get released.

People who vape are basically already unemployable

# ? May 21, 2016 02:11

Joementum: May 23, 2004; jesus christ

# ? May 21, 2016 02:11

AARP LARPer: Feb 19, 2005; THE DARK SIDE OF SCIENCE BREEDS A WEAPON OF WAR; Buglord

vapers are scum

# ? May 21, 2016 02:12

Al!: Apr 2, 2010

Joementum posted:

they both look fuckin miserable

# ? May 21, 2016 02:12

Mayor Dave: Feb 20, 2009; Bernie the Snow Clown

Joementum posted:

# ? May 21, 2016 02:15

Schlonged Again: Jan 30, 2016

The Great Hall of the White House was filled with voices and laughter. The Gifted Hand of the President, Lord Carson, had recently returned from his rout of House Rubio in the southern swamps, and the President had called his knights and bannermen to a celebratory feast.

Lord Kasich devoured every course that was set before him: platters of honeyed yams, roasted capers, whole game birds, fresh-baked bread, lemoncakes. As he noisily chewed each mouthful, he cast his gaze about the gathered host.

The President sat in his usual seat at the head of the table, dressed in his most resplendant regalia. Beside him was the victorious Gifted Hand, slumbering over a bowl of beet soup. On the other side skulked the President's favorite plaything, the former Lord Christie; once an imposing tower of a man, he had since been reduced to a frail and emaciated creature, made to dine only on stale Oreo wafers and bottles of Trump Ice. Throughout the feast, the President would occasionally pause in the middle of a bawdy joke and prod at the poor wretch with Chang, much to the delight of those nearby.

So much for the Mountain that Governs, Kasich mused as he picked apart a hunk of meat with his fingers. Perhaps there is a lesson there: never be the first to bend the knee.

At another end of the table, the White House jester, Silver Nate, entertained some of the noble ladies with his comical predictions. Lord Jeb would rise from the dead, a being of pure energy, and roam the earth hunting his enemies! The Shill Queen, long in exile across the sea, would march from Benghazi with a brood of gay dragons!

Indeed, the mood in the hall was bright and joyous. But Kasich knew that the President had called the feast to turn the capital's attention, however briefly, from more troubling developments. The President of the Green Mountain had laid claim to all New England, and there were rumors that he was setting his egalitarian eye upon Washington.

This cannot last, Lord Kasich thought, much as we might like it to. He picked up a russet potato and shoved the entire thing into his mouth.

# ? May 21, 2016 02:21

SMILLENNIALSMILLEN: Jun 26, 2009

Wow manafort got yanukovych elected? What a small horrible world it is.

# ? May 21, 2016 02:29

Three Olives: Apr 10, 2005; Don't forget Hitler's contributions to medicine.

quote:

When Donald Trump skipped a GOP debate in January to host a fundraiser for veterans, he touted its success by citing the $6 million raised for veterans groups. One problem -- that figure is inaccurate.

Following the rally in Des Moines, Iowa, the Trump campaign said the event raised $5 million and Trump personally contributed an additional $1 million. But campaign manager Corey Lewandowski told CNN Friday the amount raised was actually less than $6 million.

Lewandowski said he did not "know the exact number" off the top of his head and would confirm the number in coming days. He explained the discrepancy by saying at the time of the rally, Trump believed he had raised $6 million but more money had been pledged than was actually donated.

The Washington Post reported Friday that Lewandowski said the fundraiser actually netted about $4.5 million. Lewandowski told CNN that number is incorrect.

Trump has made support for veterans a cornerstone of his presidential bid, saying at the January 28 fundraiser, "Our vets are being mistreated... and it's not going to happen anymore."
But the fundraiser was light in details from the very beginning. The website initially setup to collect funds did not disclose which charities would benefit but simply said "Honor their valor" and "Donate now to help our veterans."

Since the event, questions about the money raised have followed him on the campaign trail.

In March, after a CNN report aired questioning the contributions, Trump's campaign provided a list showing 27 veterans organizations had received a total of $2.9 million to date, but the campaign did not confirm when the rest of the funds would be dispersed.

The list showed that the majority of the money that had been donated at that time came from Trump's foundation or the foundations of two of his friends, businessman Carl Icahn and pharmaceutical billionaire Stewart J. Rahr.

The campaign did not identify any contributors Friday who pledged funds without following through in actual donations.

Charities that have benefited from the fundraiser include Fisher House Foundation, Green Beret Foundation and Disabled American Veterans, while others, such as Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America, said they did not want to receive any of the contributions.

Where are the tax returns Donny?

# ? May 21, 2016 02:30

Jewel Repetition: Dec 24, 2012; Ask me about Briar Rose and Chicken Chaser.

Schlonged Again posted:

The Great Hall of the White House was filled with voices and laughter. The Gifted Hand of the President, Lord Carson, had recently returned from his rout of House Rubio in the southern swamps, and the President had called his knights and bannermen to a celebratory feast.

Lord Kasich devoured every course that was set before him: platters of honeyed yams, roasted capers, whole game birds, fresh-baked bread, lemoncakes. As he noisily chewed each mouthful, he cast his gaze about the gathered host.

The President sat in his usual seat at the head of the table, dressed in his most resplendant regalia. Beside him was the victorious Gifted Hand, slumbering over a bowl of beet soup. On the other side skulked the President's favorite plaything, the former Lord Christie; once an imposing tower of a man, he had since been reduced to a frail and emaciated creature, made to dine only on stale Oreo wafers and bottles of Trump Ice. Throughout the feast, the President would occasionally pause in the middle of a bawdy joke and prod at the poor wretch with Chang, much to the delight of those nearby.

So much for the Mountain that Governs, Kasich mused as he picked apart a hunk of meat with his fingers. Perhaps there is a lesson there: never be the first to bend the knee.

At another end of the table, the White House jester, Silver Nate, entertained some of the noble ladies with his comical predictions. Lord Jeb would rise from the dead, a being of pure energy, and roam the earth hunting his enemies! The Shill Queen, long in exile across the sea, would march from Benghazi with a brood of gay dragons!

Indeed, the mood in the hall was bright and joyous. But Kasich knew that the President had called the feast to turn the capital's attention, however briefly, from more troubling developments. The President of the Green Mountain had laid claim to all New England, and there were rumors that he was setting his egalitarian eye upon Washington.

This cannot last, Lord Kasich thought, much as we might like it to. He picked up a russet potato and shoved the entire thing into his mouth.

# ? May 21, 2016 02:32

Dapper_Swindler: Feb 14, 2012; Im glad my instant dislike in you has been validated again and again.

Three Olives posted:

Where are the tax returns Donny?

http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/donald-trump-paid-federal-taxes-government-report-shows/story?id=39259669&cid=abcnp_fb

lol

# ? May 21, 2016 02:35

Forums Terrorist: Dec 8, 2011

Joementum posted:

# ? May 21, 2016 02:35

Helical Nightmares: Apr 30, 2009

Al! posted:

People who vape are basically already unemployable

:p suck a bag of dicks. A whole bag of them.

# ? May 21, 2016 02:40

Joementum: May 23, 2004; jesus christ

Keep in mind that Trump has said the UK should leave the EU and that he wouldn't negotiate a separate trade deal with Britain.

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/733820785157132288

# ? May 21, 2016 02:47

Syjefroi: Oct 6, 2003; I'll play it first and tell you what it is later.

Prolonged Priapism posted:

Oh, right... he hugged the Cowboys too.

'That's where Christie lost me. And I'm a Cowboys fan.

# ? May 21, 2016 03:24

Top Bunk Wanker: Jan 31, 2005; Top Trump Anger

Dapper_Swindler posted:

http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/donald-trump-paid-federal-taxes-government-report-shows/story?id=39259669&cid=abcnp_fb

lol

Holy poo poo, he didn't pay income taxes when his income tax liability was zero?

# ? May 21, 2016 03:29

Nix Panicus: Feb 25, 2007

Helical Nightmares posted:

:p suck a bag of dicks. A whole bag of them.

No, soak the bag of dicks in water so you get dick flavored water, then put that in a vape and suck down on vaporized dick water. Its cool and trendy.

# ? May 21, 2016 03:37

Zippy the Bummer: Dec 14, 2008; Silent Majority
The Don
LORD COMMANDER OF THE UKRAINIAN ARMED FORCES

Schlonged Again posted:

The Great Hall of the White House was filled with voices and laughter. The Gifted Hand of the President, Lord Carson, had recently returned from his rout of House Rubio in the southern swamps, and the President had called his knights and bannermen to a celebratory feast.

Lord Kasich devoured every course that was set before him: platters of honeyed yams, roasted capers, whole game birds, fresh-baked bread, lemoncakes. As he noisily chewed each mouthful, he cast his gaze about the gathered host.

The President sat in his usual seat at the head of the table, dressed in his most resplendant regalia. Beside him was the victorious Gifted Hand, slumbering over a bowl of beet soup. On the other side skulked the President's favorite plaything, the former Lord Christie; once an imposing tower of a man, he had since been reduced to a frail and emaciated creature, made to dine only on stale Oreo wafers and bottles of Trump Ice. Throughout the feast, the President would occasionally pause in the middle of a bawdy joke and prod at the poor wretch with Chang, much to the delight of those nearby.

So much for the Mountain that Governs, Kasich mused as he picked apart a hunk of meat with his fingers. Perhaps there is a lesson there: never be the first to bend the knee.

At another end of the table, the White House jester, Silver Nate, entertained some of the noble ladies with his comical predictions. Lord Jeb would rise from the dead, a being of pure energy, and roam the earth hunting his enemies! The Shill Queen, long in exile across the sea, would march from Benghazi with a brood of gay dragons!

Indeed, the mood in the hall was bright and joyous. But Kasich knew that the President had called the feast to turn the capital's attention, however briefly, from more troubling developments. The President of the Green Mountain had laid claim to all New England, and there were rumors that he was setting his egalitarian eye upon Washington.

This cannot last, Lord Kasich thought, much as we might like it to. He picked up a russet potato and shoved the entire thing into his mouth.

# ? May 21, 2016 03:43

unlimited shrimp: Aug 30, 2008

Esplanade posted:

From a ways back, but Trump is The Comedian. Jeb was the original Silk Spectre.

Hillary is Ozymandias.

A bank-sponsored enabler of a sexual abuser? She's Dollar Bill at best.

# ? May 21, 2016 03:44

Joementum: May 23, 2004; jesus christ

While I was away this week someone posted DungeonsAndDonalds, right? Don't care. Posting it again.

https://twitter.com/DungeonsDonald/status/733045196959551488

https://twitter.com/DungeonsDonald/status/730433993674391553

# ? May 21, 2016 03:58

Oiled and Ready: Oct 11, 2004; He wished it could be as respectable and orthodox as spying. But somehow in his hands the traditional tools and attitudes were always employed toward mean ends: cloak for a laundry sack, dagger to peel potatoes, dossiers to fill up dead Sunday afternoons ...

Joementum posted:

While I was away this week someone posted DungeonsAndDonalds, right? Don't care. Posting it again.

DungeonsDonald/status/733045196959551488

# ? May 21, 2016 04:01

Darkman Fanpage: Jul 4, 2012

WAR DOGS OF SOCHI posted:

vapers are scum

people that smoke cigarettes are scum.

# ? May 21, 2016 04:14

Darkman Fanpage: Jul 4, 2012

Joementum posted:

While I was away this week someone posted DungeonsAndDonalds, right? Don't care. Posting it again.

https://twitter.com/DungeonsDonald/status/733045196959551488

https://twitter.com/DungeonsDonald/status/730433993674391553

lmao

# ? May 21, 2016 04:15

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

Al! posted:

People who vape are basically already unemployable

I find that it isn't so much that they're vapists but that they're just flat impossible to work with. Luckily, vapist tendencies and the various talents/skills required for AML investigation don't find themselves dwelling in the same person very often.

# ? May 21, 2016 04:16

The Chad Jihad: Feb 24, 2007

Joementum posted:

https://twitter.com/DungeonsDonald/status/730433993674391553

https://twitter.com/DungeonsDonald/status/731925325794271232

# ? May 21, 2016 04:21

Joementum: May 23, 2004; jesus christ

Gary!

# ? May 21, 2016 04:26

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# ? May 29, 2024 15:48

Helical Nightmares: Apr 30, 2009

Not a Step posted:

No, soak the bag of dicks in water so you get ~~dick~~ fruit loop flavored water, then put that in a vape and suck down on vaporized dick water. Its cool and trendy.

# ? May 21, 2016 04:26

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