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Ok it seems bulletproof clipboards are a thing and have been used by police during car stops in case someone tries to shoot them. Back in the day they had enough heft in them to clobber someone.
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May 22, 2016 15:18
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rydiafan posted:In other news, I ate a banana today and I specifically peeled it from the stem end You animal
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May 22, 2016 15:37
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I bet those are built to ricochet like a motherfucker too. Stop shooting yourself, stop shooting yourself!
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May 22, 2016 15:43
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Karate Bastard posted:I bet those are built to ricochet like a motherfucker too. This would probably also dislocate or at least seriously injure your hand. Still, better that than a bullet hole.
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May 22, 2016 15:54
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WebDog posted:Ok it seems bulletproof clipboards are a thing and have been used by police during car stops in case someone tries to shoot them. Back in the day they had enough heft in them to clobber someone. Today, the officer just approaches the vehicle with his gun already drawn and shoots the driver in the head when he reaches for his license.
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May 22, 2016 17:35
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chitoryu12 posted:Today, the officer just approaches the vehicle with his gun already drawn and shoots the driver in the head when he reaches for his license. White drivers get the clipboard.
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May 22, 2016 19:44
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chitoryu12 posted:Today, the officer just approaches the vehicle with his gun already drawn and shoots the driver in the head when he reaches for his license. Well, that is clearly a British police officer, so these days they probably still have to make do with just the clipboards, maybe upgraded with a few tactical pouches and a rail mount for the pen.
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May 22, 2016 19:52
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Tactical Clipboards have to be some of the most impressive plausible deniability weapons this side of D-cell flashlights.
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May 22, 2016 22:36
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My first question is "What if the driver just waits till the officer turns around before pulling out a gun and shooting him?"
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May 22, 2016 23:44
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chitoryu12 posted:My first question is "What if the driver just waits till the officer turns around before pulling out a gun and shooting him?" Lifehack: don't turn your back on somebody who's planning to shoot you
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May 23, 2016 00:31
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chitoryu12 posted:My first question is "What if the driver just waits till the officer turns around before pulling out a gun and shooting him?" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFr30p0aZl0
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May 23, 2016 01:00
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WebDog posted:Ok it seems bulletproof clipboards are a thing and have been used by police during car stops in case someone tries to shoot them. Back in the day they had enough heft in them to clobber someone. They were marketed quite heavily to census workers back in 2010. Still marketed to law enforcement.
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May 23, 2016 06:40
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chitoryu12 posted:My first question is "What if the driver just waits till the officer turns around before pulling out a gun and shooting him?" Always have a tiny, rolled up bulletproof vest stowed inside your rectal cavity for this.
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May 23, 2016 07:33
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Rysithusiku posted:http://www.ballisticclipboard.com Columbine wouldn't have happened if there were bullet proof clipboards apparently.
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May 23, 2016 14:16
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axolotl farmer posted:
The best part of this is that whoever drew this one up clearly never tried this themselves. Or they'd understand just why the medical community so strongly recommends a flared base. Another good one:  Glue tools in your pubes!
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May 24, 2016 01:24
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These really work, I hid razor blades in everything I own and jammed a few into my rear end and now I'm a SEAL operative.
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May 24, 2016 02:27
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chitoryu12 posted:The best part of this is that whoever drew this one up clearly never tried this themselves. Or they'd understand just why the medical community so strongly recommends a flared base. People smuggle un-flared base poo poo in their assholes all the time dude. It's not ideal but being in a torture prison isn't either.
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May 24, 2016 02:56
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Guy Mann posted:Tactical Clipboards have to be some of the most impressive plausible deniability weapons this side of D-cell flashlights. Yeah, especially since phone books are no longer a thing, you need somthing for police interview rooms.
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May 24, 2016 02:57
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13Pandora13 posted:People smuggle un-flared base poo poo in their assholes all the time dude. It's not ideal but being in a torture prison isn't either. I am pretty sure that's one of the first places they check for stuff, though.
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May 24, 2016 03:07
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Rumda posted:Yeah, especially since phone books are no longer a thing, you need somthing for police interview rooms. Nah, clipboards are too stiff. They'd still bruise
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May 24, 2016 03:10
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Also, there's some straight-up misinformation in that photo set. One suggestion for an improvised weapon (a bandanna wrapped around a lead fishing weight) says that coconuts are 10 times harder than a human skull.13Pandora13 posted:People smuggle un-flared base poo poo in their assholes all the time dude. It's not ideal but being in a torture prison isn't either. Apart from the "That's the first place they'd look" problem, the reason you don't shove things up your rear end is because a lot of people mistakenly think you can just squeeze it out like a turd. Then they find out it won't happen and have to go to a hospital to have their vibrator or zucchini or Buzz Lightyear action figure or whatever removed. Unless you're goatse dude, in which case you can just....reach in.
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May 24, 2016 04:30
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It may be not be a great place to hide stuff, but even if you aren't the Goatman it's not that big of a deal to reach in with your index and ring fingers to reorient a cigar tube and pull it out.
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May 24, 2016 06:51
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chitoryu12 posted:Also, there's some straight-up misinformation in that photo set. One suggestion for an improvised weapon (a bandanna wrapped around a lead fishing weight) says that coconuts are 10 times harder than a human skull. I mean that might be true, if you're talking about a dried out human skull with nothing in it or covering it. Our skin alone makes our skulls harder several times over.
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May 24, 2016 07:18
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A FUCKIN CANARY!! posted:It may be not be a great place to hide stuff, but even if you aren't the Goatman it's not that big of a deal to reach in with your index and ring fingers to reorient a cigar tube and pull it out. Counterpoint: people who shove vibrators up their rear end in a top hat and then can't get them out, so they sit in the waiting room of a hospital while their rear end makes a low buzzing noise
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May 24, 2016 07:33
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thecluckmeme posted:Counterpoint: people who shove vibrators up their rear end in a top hat and then can't get them out, so they sit in the waiting room of a hospital while their rear end makes a low buzzing noise lifehack: always keep hold of the vibrator safer communities together walla
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May 24, 2016 10:04
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thecluckmeme posted:Counterpoint: people who shove vibrators up their rear end in a top hat and then can't get them out, so they sit in the waiting room of a hospital while their rear end makes a low buzzing noise Yeah but by the time anyone comes to help them the batteries have already run out, so the actual doctor doesn't get to snigger at the buzzing coming out of someone's rear end.
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May 24, 2016 10:15
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thecluckmeme posted:Counterpoint: people who shove vibrators up their rear end in a top hat and then can't get them out, so they sit in the waiting room of a hospital while their rear end makes a low buzzing noise Slime posted:Yeah but by the time anyone comes to help them the batteries have already run out, so the actual doctor doesn't get to snigger at the buzzing coming out of someone's rear end. Unless you're me, and someone calls an ambulance for this exact reason, and you get to listen to it the entire way to the hospital. Pro-Tip: D-Cell batteries last a LONG time.
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May 24, 2016 10:59
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Zipperelli. posted:Unless you're me, and someone calls an ambulance for this exact reason, and you get to listen to it the entire way to the hospital. Pro-Tip: D-Cell batteries last a LONG time. here's a lifehack. Post about getting a dildo stuck up your rear end on a comedy forum so that two years from now when you get into some dumb argument in another part of those forums the other person can bring it up as ammo.
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May 24, 2016 11:12
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Elfgames posted:here's a lifehack. Post about getting a dildo stuck up your rear end on a comedy forum so that two years from now when you get into some dumb argument in another part of those forums the other person can bring it up as ammo. I'm pretty sure he's the EMT in this scenario, not the dildo shame-haver.
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May 24, 2016 11:31
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this is something awful i always assume the worst.
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May 24, 2016 11:33
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Slime posted:Yeah but by the time anyone comes to help them the batteries have already run out, so the actual doctor doesn't get to snigger at the buzzing coming out of someone's rear end. Exhibitionist hack: Make sure you change the batteries before use so they last throughout the lengthy ER wait.
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May 24, 2016 12:51
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May 24, 2016 13:44
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Elfgames posted:this is something awful i always assume the worst. This is a something awful I assume everyone on these forums is constantly engaged in some sort of sexual deviance.
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May 24, 2016 14:42
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Well lifehacks are my fetish, but I thought that was everyone here.
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May 24, 2016 14:56
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plz dont hackshame here.
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May 24, 2016 15:26
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Wouldn't you need to keep the cigar tube up your butt all the time though? You won't have time to shove it in there and glue razor blades to your pubes and whatnot during a kidnapping. This needs to be a 24/7 thing. Razor pubes are a lifestyle not a life hack.
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May 24, 2016 23:04
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PYF Stupid Lifehacks: Razor pubes are a lifestyle
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May 24, 2016 23:13
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Razor pubes #4lyfe
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May 24, 2016 23:17
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Lol just lol if you don't walk around with a cigar tube of essentials stuck up there 24/7 I'm gonna be so smug when the power goes out at work and you're crying "oh no! Does anybody have a penlight handy?"
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May 24, 2016 23:56
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| # ? Jun 6, 2024 05:01 |
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Worried about being captured on the battlefield? Have a stylish and practical jigsaw blade surgically implanted in your chest for a quick escape! 
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May 25, 2016 00:11
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