SA Decides, 1788-2000: If nominated, I will not run. If elected, I will not serve.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > SA Decides, 1788-2000: If nominated, I will not run. If elected, I will not serve.

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Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

Rutherford B. Hayes: first sitting president to visit the West Coast.

List of United States presidential firsts

# ? Jun 8, 2016 06:49

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# ? May 9, 2024 21:07

WrightOfWay: Jul 24, 2010

James Madison: First President to wear long trousers instead of knee breeches.

Good to know.

# ? Jun 8, 2016 08:02

Alfred P. Pseudonym: May 29, 2006; And when you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss goes 8-8

NumberLast posted:

No I meant how well he'd fair in an SA election.

He'd get 90%

# ? Jun 9, 2016 02:11

achillesforever6: Apr 23, 2012; psst you wanna do a communism?

Platystemon posted:

Rutherford B. Hayes: first sitting president to visit the West Coast.

List of United States presidential firsts

JQA also was the first president to have a pet alligator

# ? Jun 9, 2016 03:34

Nckdictator: Sep 8, 2006; Just..someone

Platystemon posted:

Rutherford B. Hayes: first sitting president to visit the West Coast.

List of United States presidential firsts

quote:

William McKinley:
First President to ride in an automobile (the electric ambulance that carried him to the hospital where he died)

I guess he found the Monkey's Paw.

# ? Jun 9, 2016 04:05

Maxwells Demon: Jan 15, 2007

Bill Clinton's firsts is pretty anemic.

# ? Jun 9, 2016 04:36

Alikchi: Aug 18, 2010; Thumbs up I agree

Anybody else fool around in the Oval Office? I guess we wouldn't know.

# ? Jun 9, 2016 04:41

Pakled: Aug 6, 2011; WE ARE SMART

Alikchi posted:

Anybody else fool around in the Oval Office? I guess we wouldn't know.

If anyone, JFK.

# ? Jun 9, 2016 04:43

SpRahl: Apr 22, 2008

Alikchi posted:

Anybody else fool around in the Oval Office? I guess we wouldn't know.

In the goon timeline clearly Fremont the freemounter.

# ? Jun 9, 2016 04:48

Nckdictator: Sep 8, 2006; Just..someone

Alikchi posted:

Anybody else fool around in the Oval Office? I guess we wouldn't know.

Does the Oval Office closet count?

quote:

" We had been waiting only a very few minutes when
Mr. Harding opened the door, a door immediately behind
and opposite his Cabinet Room chair. He greeted me
cordially and instructed Tim (a secret-service agent) to
remain in the Cabinet Room. Then I preceded him into
a very small adjoining room, a room with one window.
He explained to me that this was the ante-room, and
crossed over to another door which led into his own
private office.
Once in there, he turned and took me in his arms
and told me what I could see in his face that he was
delighted to see me. Not more delighted, however, than
I was to see him.

There were windows along one side of the room
which looked out upon the green of the White House
grounds, and outside, stalking up and down, face rigidly
to the front, moved the President's armed guard. But
in spite of this apparent obliviousness on the part of the
guard, we were both sceptical, and Mr. Harding said to
me that people seemed to have eyes in the sides of their
heads down there, and so we must be very circumspect.
Whereupon he introduced me to the one place where, he
said, he thought we might share kisses in safety. This was
a small closet in the ante-room, evidently a place for hats
and coats, but entirely empty most of the times we used
it, for we repaired there many times in the course of my
visits to the White House, and in the darkness of a space
not more than five feet square the President of the United
States and his adoring sweetheart made love."

# ? Jun 9, 2016 05:06

Nebakenezzer: Sep 13, 2005; The Mote in God's Eye

Pakled posted:

If anyone, JFK.

I remember some artist did portraits of all the supposed presidential mistresses, and JFK's mistresses must have made up 40% of the total number. FDR was also bird-doggin' it

# ? Jun 9, 2016 12:12

Vavrek: Mar 2, 2013; I like your style hombre, but this is no laughing matter. Assault on a police officer. Theft of police property. Illegal possession of a firearm. FIVE counts of attempted murder. That comes to... 29 dollars and 40 cents. Cash, cheque, or credit card?

WrightOfWay posted:

James Madison: First President to wear long trousers instead of knee breeches.

Good to know.

It was Madison. Regular knee breeches probably reached to his ankles.

# ? Jun 9, 2016 20:13

Jump King: Aug 10, 2011

Platystemon posted:

Rutherford B. Hayes: first sitting president to visit the West Coast.

List of United States presidential firsts

Jimmy Carter: First President born in a hospital

huh

# ? Jun 9, 2016 21:57

Lycus: Aug 5, 2008; Half the posters in this forum have been made up. This website is a goddamn ghost town.

Platystemon posted:

Rutherford B. Hayes: first sitting president to visit the West Coast.

List of United States presidential firsts

Why did they make a list for George Washington?

First president to breathe oxygen.
First president to trim his fingernails.

# ? Jun 9, 2016 22:04

SlothfulCobra: Mar 27, 2011

I think I'd be more interested in a list of Presidential lasts, like Taft, the last president with facial hair, or Truman, the last president to not have a college education, and then at the bottom it's Obama, the last president.

# ? Jun 10, 2016 00:58

oystertoadfish: Jun 17, 2003

MMM Whatchya Say posted:

Jimmy Carter: First President born in a hospital

huh

that's interesting, i guess rich people didn't send their wives to the deathtraps that passed for hospitals in the middle ages of medicine, which ended in like 1940. to exaggerate

one bit of trivia that has always stuck in my head was the claim that alben barkley was the last vice president to be born in a log cabin. i don't know who the last such president was

edit: one surprising thing i see in that article is it took until garfield for a lefty (or ambidexter) to become president. i guess they were still beating the poo poo out of lefty kids back then, maybe it's that simple of an explanation. 4 of the last 5 have been lefties but it looks like righties will take it this year - apparently of the billion candidates for president this year only rand paul, lindsey graham, and lessig (lol) are lefties

oystertoadfish has issued a correction as of 01:26 on Jun 10, 2016

# ? Jun 10, 2016 01:07

Nebakenezzer: Sep 13, 2005; The Mote in God's Eye

SlothfulCobra posted:

I think I'd be more interested in a list of Presidential lasts, like Taft, the last president with facial hair, or Truman, the last president to not have a college education, and then at the bottom it's Obama, the last president.

Last president to own slaves?

Last president to kill somebody in a duel

Jackson, of course, dualed like a motherfucker

# ? Jun 10, 2016 01:13

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

Nebakenezzer posted:

Last president to kill somebody in a duel

Jackson, of course, dualed like a motherfucker

Lincoln won a duel by intimidating the other man into forfeiting.

Platystemon has issued a correction as of 01:56 on Jun 10, 2016

# ? Jun 10, 2016 01:54

Empress Theonora: Feb 19, 2001; She was a sword glinting in the depths of night, a lance of light piercing the darkness. There would be no mistakes this time.

Is Burr the only sitting Vice President or President to actually personally kill somebody while in office?

# ? Jun 10, 2016 01:58

QuoProQuid: Jan 12, 2012; Tr*ckin' and F*ckin' all the way to tha
T O P

Nebakenezzer posted:

Last president to own slaves?

Grant if you count his marriage to his wife. Zachary Taylor if you don't.

Nebakenezzer posted:

Last president to kill somebody in a duel

Andrew Jackson. Though he dueled 120 times, he only ever killed one person.

James Madison is (probably) the last sitting president to personally kill someone while in office, having briefly led a militia during the War of 1812.

Empress Theonora posted:

Is Burr the only sitting Vice President or President to actually personally kill somebody while in office?

Personally? Hannibal Hamlin served in a militia unit during the Civil War, though never in any combat capacity.

There's been a bunch of Vice-Presidents who probably killed themselves through dumb life choices.

oystertoadfish posted:

edit: one surprising thing i see in that article is it took until garfield for a lefty (or ambidexter) to become president. i guess they were still beating the poo poo out of lefty kids back then, maybe it's that simple of an explanation. 4 of the last 5 have been lefties but it looks like righties will take it this year - apparently of the billion candidates for president this year only rand paul, lindsey graham, and lessig (lol) are lefties

Garfield liked to use his ambidextrous abilities for parties. He would have someone dictate to him and translate it to Latin in one hand and Greek in the other.

QuoProQuid has issued a correction as of 02:25 on Jun 10, 2016

# ? Jun 10, 2016 02:22

NumberLast: Jun 7, 2014

QuoProQuid posted:

Personally? Hannibal Hamlin served in a militia unit during the Civil War, though never in any combat capacity..

If you count ordering people's deaths I doubt any president hasn't.

QuoProQuid posted:

Grant if you count his marriage to his wife. Zachary Taylor if you don't.

Brutal. Also accurate.

# ? Jun 10, 2016 03:02

Discendo Vox: Mar 21, 2013; We don't need to have that dialogue because it's obvious, trivial, and has already been had a thousand times.

NumberLast posted:

Brutal. Also accurate.

# ? Jun 10, 2016 03:10

Raskolnikov38: Mar 3, 2007; We were somewhere around Manila when the drugs began to take hold

Empress Theonora posted:

Is Burr the only sitting Vice President or President to actually personally kill somebody while in office?

well Cheney certainly gave it the old college try

# ? Jun 10, 2016 03:38

lenoon: Jan 7, 2010

I feel like Biden might have shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

# ? Jun 10, 2016 08:50

GlyphGryph: Jun 23, 2013; Down came the glitches and burned us in ditches and we slept after eating our dead.

Discendo Vox posted:

?

I don't know, just did my best to look it up but found nothing except a ton more evidence of what an incompetent idiot Grant was. Nothing that indicates he treated his wife poorly or anything, that I can find.

GlyphGryph has issued a correction as of 17:52 on Jun 10, 2016

# ? Jun 10, 2016 17:36

Nebakenezzer: Sep 13, 2005; The Mote in God's Eye

QuoProQuid posted:

Andrew Jackson. Though he dueled 120 times, he only ever killed one person.

I think even this thread will be impressed with the one kill:

quote:

Because dueling was outlawed in Tennessee, the two men met in the Adairville, Kentucky area, which sits right on the border, on May 30, 1806. Dickinson left Nashville the day before the duel with his second and a group of friends, confident, even demonstrating his shooting skills at various stops along the way. Since Dickinson was considered an expert shot, Jackson and his friend, Thomas Overton, determined it would be best to let Dickinson fire first, hoping that his aim might be spoiled in his quickness. The obvious weakness of this strategy was, of course, that Jackson might not be alive to take aim.[2]:140�141

Dickinson did fire first, hitting Jackson in the chest. Under the rules of dueling, Dickinson had to remain still as Jackson took his one shot. Jackson's pistol stopped at half cock, so he drew back the hammer and aimed again, this time hitting Dickinson in the chest. Dickinson bled to death.[2]:142

Doctors determined that the bullet in Jackson was too close to his heart to operate, so Jackson carried it for the rest of his life, and suffered much pain from the wound. Locals were outraged that Dickinson had to stand defenseless while Jackson re-cocked and shot him, even though it was acceptable behavior in a duel. Jackson could have shot in the air or shot only to injure Dickinson; this would have been considered sufficient satisfaction under dueling rules. Jackson replied that Dickinson had meant to "kill the genl", so Jackson had also shot to kill. Jackson's reputation suffered greatly from the duel.[2]:136�143

The expert Dickinson had aimed at Jackson's heart though the bullet had been slightly deflected by Jackson's choice of loose clothing on his lean frame, and careful sideways stance. The bullet broke some of Jackson's ribs, and had lodged inches from his heart. While Jackson could easily have fallen from such a wound, he said later, "I should have hit him if he had shot me through the brain."

# ? Jun 10, 2016 21:18

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

That Jackson, what a pussy, letting the other guy shoot first and not having the decency to drop dead from a bullet to the chest. :jerkbag:

# ? Jun 11, 2016 00:15

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

The man had to stand there and receive the shot, I'm surprised Jackson didn't try to just beat him to death with his pistol instead of even firing.

# ? Jun 11, 2016 01:09

UrbicaMortis: Feb 16, 2012; Hmm, how shall I post today?

Thump! posted:

The man had to stand there and receive the shot, I'm surprised Jackson didn't try to just beat him to death with his pistol instead of even firing.

I would have just jumped out of the way. Sure, everyone would give you poo poo about having no honour and jackson could clown on you for the rest of your life but at least you'd have a rest of your life.

# ? Jun 11, 2016 01:17

GlyphGryph: Jun 23, 2013; Down came the glitches and burned us in ditches and we slept after eating our dead.

UrbicaMortis posted:

I would have just jumped out of the way. Sure, everyone would give you poo poo about having no honour and jackson could clown on you for the rest of your life but at least you'd have a rest of your life.

This sort of person just turns down the dueling challenge to begin with

# ? Jun 11, 2016 01:21

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

GlyphGryph posted:

This sort of person just turns down the dueling challenge to begin with

Yeah, dueling was a loving stupid part of society at the time that rich folk just kinda went along with because maintaining reputation was the end-all and be-all for them. I think society may have also been a little more fatalistic in the past than it is today, seeing as how sudden illness or infection could kill a healthy young man for no good reason and lovely medical care did more harm than good for a lot of people. If you're going to die at 45, may as well be defending your honor instead of consumption.

# ? Jun 11, 2016 01:42

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

I'm only a little surprised that the Jeb!-Trump died didn't end in daddy telling his son to challenge that orange yam to a duel.

# ? Jun 11, 2016 01:44

goatsestretchgoals: Jun 4, 2011

UrbicaMortis posted:

I would have just jumped out of the way. Sure, everyone would give you poo poo about having no honour and jackson could clown on you for the rest of your life but at least you'd have a rest of your life.

youre wrong because ~the south~

we need to put all our tax dollars into resurrecting sherman

e: biden/zombie sherman 2016 and also every year forward and back

# ? Jun 11, 2016 19:05

Corek: May 11, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Where's the election results? Where's my pa????

# ? Jun 14, 2016 23:13

Empress Theonora: Feb 19, 2001; She was a sword glinting in the depths of night, a lance of light piercing the darkness. There would be no mistakes this time.

Corek posted:

Where's the election results? Where's my pa????

gone to the white house, haw haw haw

# ? Jun 15, 2016 02:15

Corek: May 11, 2013; by R. Guyovich

In 1920 "Pa" Ferguson will be running as a minor candidate and you bet your rear end I'll vote for him.

# ? Jun 15, 2016 19:39

Corek: May 11, 2013; by R. Guyovich

I assume grover cleveland has declared himself president-for-life in the absence of regular elections.

# ? Jun 17, 2016 21:06

goatsestretchgoals: Jun 4, 2011

Theodore Roosevelt just had a weird feeling in his election parts.

Also android suggests Roosevelt after typing Theodore which owns.

# ? Jun 19, 2016 04:03

Jai Guru Dave: Jan 3, 2008; Can't post for 17 hours!

Corek posted:

I assume grover cleveland has declared himself president-for-life in the absence of regular elections.

Oh come on, who ever heard of Cleveland winning anything

# ? Jun 22, 2016 16:50

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# ? May 9, 2024 21:07

GlyphGryph: Jun 23, 2013; Down came the glitches and burned us in ditches and we slept after eating our dead.

Should we just have someone else take over the thread? We're so behind at this point that I'd be willing to bang out a few elections right quick. Wouldn't be nearly as good at them, but hey, we've still got a lot of history to go so...

# ? Jun 24, 2016 21:42

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > SA Decides, 1788-2000: If nominated, I will not run. If elected, I will not serve.

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