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chitoryu12 posted:I had a short-lived friend in the neighborhood back in middle school or 9th grade (can't remember how long he lasted). He was a few years younger than me and one of only two friends I had within walking distance, so he came over to my house fairly often to play video games and stuff like that. He had a chronic problem with telling fantastic stories about himself and his relatives which could never possibly be true. The only one I remember with any clarity was that he said his dad drove down to the Mexican border to shoot a bunch of badass privately owned weapons like an AA-12 (he conveniently couldn't remember what shotgun it was until I prodded him). That's pretty common in kids, isn't it? I know I definitely had a few "My uncle works at Nintendo" types at my school. Usually they grow out of it by high school though.
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Jun 13, 2016 19:53
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I had a high school friend who lied constantly, but like... benevolently? She had overheard the boy you liked talking about you! That girl you hate embarrassed herself horribly! She'd heard our teacher say you were the best student in the class! None of those things happened, I knew they didn't happen, and I'm pretty sure she knew I knew it didn't happen, but she'd JUST KEEP GOING. It was sort of sweet in a way and it was fun to egg her on to see how far she'd take it (she once made up an entire album by a band we both liked, including song titles and a description of the album art. I couldn't borrow it though, she'd loaned it to her made-up super cool and handsome English boyfriend who went to a private school in the next state, which is why I never met him). And it was always done with complete sincerity, which was pretty impressive for a 14 year old. Looking back, she was a fun, smart girl, and it's sad she thought she had to do that. Especially not to impress someone like me, who didn't exactly have an overabundance of friends at the time either.
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Jun 13, 2016 20:32
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chitoryu12 posted:I had a short-lived friend in the neighborhood back in middle school or 9th grade (can't remember how long he lasted). He was a few years younger than me and one of only two friends I had within walking distance, so he came over to my house fairly often to play video games and stuff like that. He had a chronic problem with telling fantastic stories about himself and his relatives which could never possibly be true. The only one I remember with any clarity was that he said his dad drove down to the Mexican border to shoot a bunch of badass privately owned weapons like an AA-12 (he conveniently couldn't remember what shotgun it was until I prodded him). Sounds like good material for this thread!!! Kid I work with tells mundane but humorous stories all the time that i'm 99% sure are made up. He's not always the protagonist of the stories but usually is. He's got a lot of problems though so I figure the least I can do is humor him and enjoy his stories that he's obviously telling because he wants people around him to be happy 
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Jun 13, 2016 20:46
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Crow Jane posted:I had a high school friend who lied constantly, but like... benevolently? She had overheard the boy you liked talking about you! This does not sound benevolent at all. It sounds like someone trying to trick you into making a jackass out of yourself.
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Jun 13, 2016 21:46
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YeahTubaMike posted:This does not sound benevolent at all. It sounds like someone trying to trick you into making a jackass out of yourself. Nah, we both knew I was too chickenshit to actually talk to him. I know it sounds weird, but I think she genuinely did it to make people feel good.
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Jun 13, 2016 21:48
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0YzacfKP3U This is what I was thinking of earlier. I find this sort of behavior fascinating.
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Jun 13, 2016 23:44
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Jun 14, 2016 03:31
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I know this is a joke, but I think it fits:
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Jun 14, 2016 19:14
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genericangst posted:I know this is a joke, but I think it fits: Matt Bors is good.
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Jun 14, 2016 19:30
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Paladinus posted:Matt Bors is good. I agree. I love Matt Bors.
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Jun 14, 2016 19:54
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 My sister is currently in the back yard laying into her ex(?)-boyfriend because he's not actually dead, though she attended his funeral a few months ago. He just climbed over the back fence and knocked on her window. Gotta be the weirdest booty call ever. Update #1: Apparently he owed money to somebody and felt that faking his death was the best solution. Only his mother knew the truth, even his kids thought he was dead. Update #2 : Now they're making out. No, arguing again. My sister seems to be waffling between accepting him back and ripping his arms off and beating him to death with them. Update #3 : OMG HE WAS IN THE NEXT TOWN THE WHOLE TIME. Which is hahahah Okay, he was a manager at a restaurant here in town, but he got transfered over to the next town when he faked his death and the district manager came by and saw him and remembered him from before and mentioned it to an employee here in town, who then told EVERYONE that he was still alive and just 15 miles away. I know that's horrible grammar and everything but I'm trying to type fast so I can keep eavesdropping Update #4 : Oh poo poo, she's bringing the kids into it now. He's trying to pull a "woe is me, this was so hard on me, you don't understand" thing and she's like "YOUR loving KIDS DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU WORTHLESS PILE OF poo poo" Update #5 : "But baby, baby. Baby. Baby please. Baby. Come on, baby." - not dead ex-boyfriend Update #6 : He would have come back to her sooner, he would have told her, but he didn't want to upset everyone and wanted my sister to move on with her life without him. And he had started dating somebody. Sister making inhuman sounds. Update Whatever: He's been dating somebody else, but when his old coworkers started showing up at the new restaurant, he figured he should try to come tell my sis in person that he wasn't dead before she heard it through Facebook or something. And he made a Facebook account a couple months ago and catfished her, sent her a friend request and has randomly commented on her posts under the name of one of their high school class mates. She's supposed to be impressed, I guess? That he kept in contact sorta? By lying to her again... Update: OMFG HE'S BEEN DATING OUR AUNT Update: Our aunt is a bit "special"... you would think she's just ditzy but technically she's got some brain damage. She has no idea that she's dating her niece's supposedly dead ex-boyfriend. He told her he moved to town for a fresh start. ohgodohgodohgod if my sis calls aunt erica my mom is gonna get in on this poo poo Update: Thank god it's too late to call anyone. I dunno what's worse - that he faked his death and moved one town over or that he knowingly dated our aunt after doing so. the only way this could have been worse is if my sister found out when our aunt brought him as her date to a family function Update: The yelling seems to have stopped, but I can tell my sister is really upset and he's definitely losing ground. Sis: "How much did you owe?" Ex: "10 thousand" Sis: "For what?" Ex: "Just stuff" Sis: "What the gently caress is just stuff?" Ex: "I lost 2 thousand on rousey and doubled down a couple times" WHAT THE gently caress IS HE FOR REAL Update: That was most definitely the sound of flesh hitting flesh in a totally not sexual way. Update: I have just been told to call the police. I'll be back asap. i.imgur.com/J1daSoR.jpg Update: That didn't go like I assumed it would. Apparently faking your own death is not illegal? Like, at all. Update: I called the police, obviously. They ran Jackson off, but didn't arrest him. Technically this is my property, so I would have to press charges and posting this to imgur was as involved as I want to get in that redneck soap opera drama. So yeah, faking your death is not illegal. He transfered to his new job under his real name and his mother knowingly paid for a fake funeral. But what you really want to know is how he faked his death. He filled up his tiny little boat with empty whiskey bottles and beer cans before using his mother's boat to tow it out on the water a few miles and set it adrift. He said he considered leaving behind some blood, but didn't want anyone looking for a murderer. He hoped that he would quietly be presumed dead from drunkenly falling out of his boat and drowning. It's so loving simple, it's stupidly brilliant. And it worked. Until he ruined it by moving only one town away and keeping his name. I also feel pretty confident that my sister would have eventually stumbled across him, though hopefully not while he was with my loving aunt. And no, I have no idea how THAT mess is gonna go down. Unfortunately, I am not confident that we've seen the last of the not dead ex-boyfriend. Apparently, the jig is up and that means he can move back home and be with his kids and get his old job back and what the gently caress ever. One of the officers said that there may be a fraud charge they'll eventually hit him with and that they'll look into it, but that he's pretty much free to do whatever he wants. He left reluctantly with a hangdog face, but he did manage to get my sister to agree to call him. So I'm just.. I don't even know. This is so stupid. Somebody is getting a Come to Jesus talk, but I dunno who just yet. Note: I'm sorry, I can't answer your questions... like about whether he was legally declared dead or paid his taxes, etc - I didn't ask, I just eavesdropped. I just know that he disappeared, his boat was found abandoned, and his mother held a funeral. And now he's back with a wild story. If I learn anything else that's worthy of updating you with, I'll post again. Last update, I swear: This is what I've learned over the last few hours - he paid his taxes in April; he was not legally declared dead; his funeral was a small church service with no casket; he says he will go see his kids in the morning; he still owes money to whoever and figures he can "get an extension since his life is so crazy right now" - which I believe means he's gonna have two broken legs pretty soon; my sister says she isn't taking him back but I don't believe her; she has also decided not to say anything to our aunt and leave any explanations up to him. That's all I've got and I don't really care to ever have more. TL;DR: My sister's boyfriend faked his death, moved one town over, and started dating our aunt. Tunicate has a new favorite as of 21:32 on Jun 14, 2016 |
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Jun 14, 2016 21:09
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Hmmm.. My faking death to date cousins short story is nearly finished. But what encapsulates the denouncement? *picture of a genie eating popcorn* My masterpiece is complete! *kisses fingertips* For real, the stdh stories are reaching critical mass. Why?
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Jun 14, 2016 21:18
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Pope Corky the IX posted:Please tell us about the times this person replaced you in your stories, it sounds loving fascinating. Most of it is just stupid poo poo, like taking credit for sending an email that got something done etc. I think the best example is the time he and I were having a conversation where I mentioned a stamp on a third coworkers hand that led us to unravelling a bunch of their STDH. When he retells this story, he tells it as a conversation between himself.
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Jun 15, 2016 10:26
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Jun 15, 2016 19:14
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Thanks for the sweet advice, The Porn Industry. I'll keep an eye out for The Porn Mafia.
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Jun 15, 2016 20:13
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"I think a lot of guys are secretly attracted to you but they're ashamed because they think that means they're gay."
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Jun 15, 2016 20:36
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no health, safety, or government regulations. Nevermind the fact that porn stars are tested all the goddamn time to make sure they don't have kind of nasty diseases that would put themselves or anybody else they work with out of a job. also mods change my name to The Porn Mafia TIA
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Jun 15, 2016 20:37
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"you're very beautiful, I would totally dominate you. " Jesus Christ.
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Jun 15, 2016 21:06
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You're too youthful and attractive, so we have no use for you. Sincerely, The Porn Industry
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Jun 15, 2016 21:11
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The Porn Mafia is terrible at their jobs given how many ex porn stars are walking around alive.
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Jun 15, 2016 21:14
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WampaLord posted:The Porn Mafia is terrible at their jobs given how many ex porn stars are walking around alive. You never leave the club. Bone in, bone out.
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Jun 15, 2016 21:20
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If you watch Hot Girls Wanted, the amateur scene is built on being a giant grinder of new talent coming in and then burning out after 6 months - 1 year. Then they quit and go back home. They have a scene where one of the women calls up her agent to tell him she's quitting, and he just says "Oh, OK. I think I'm going to watch a movie now." They really don't care about them at all.
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Jun 15, 2016 21:31
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genericangst posted:I know this is a joke, but I think it fits: I looked up Targaryen and only got a bunch of game of thrones poo poo. Can someone please help me understand what it is? TIA Also: I'm confused. It says it's a girl but guys would feel gay by being attracted?
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Jun 15, 2016 21:36
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Max posted:If you watch Hot Girls Wanted, the amateur scene is built on being a giant grinder of new talent coming in and then burning out after 6 months - 1 year. Then they quit and go back home. They have a scene where one of the women calls up her agent to tell him she's quitting, and he just says "Oh, OK. I think I'm going to watch a movie now." Quite a good, but sad, movie. I highly recommend it.
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Jun 15, 2016 21:37
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Furia posted:I looked up Targaryen and only got a bunch of game of thrones poo poo. Can someone please help me understand what it is? I suspect, from the tenor of the rest of the post, that they are a transgirl.
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Jun 15, 2016 21:39
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Furia posted:I looked up Targaryen and only got a bunch of game of thrones poo poo. Can someone please help me understand what it is? That's all there is to it. It's the magical dragon albino incest family from Game of Thrones.
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Jun 15, 2016 21:42
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Samizdata posted:I suspect, from the tenor of the rest of the post, that they are a transgirl. I found out later that it was actually making fun of this STDH:  From the polititoons thread in D&D: Jay Rust posted:Romanians I meet on the street are always, like, "By the way, in case this comes up and you want to tweet about our encounter, I'm Romanian"
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Jun 15, 2016 21:43
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genericangst posted:I found out later that it was actually making fun of this STDH: To be fair, Romanians are pretty easy to spot. 
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Jun 15, 2016 22:55
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Porn thing was a decent joke, got a chuckle out of me at least. Of course they through a chair at me
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Jun 15, 2016 23:14
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Jonas Albrecht posted:Most of it is just stupid poo poo, like taking credit for sending an email that got something done etc. I think the best example is the time he and I were having a conversation where I mentioned a stamp on a third coworkers hand that led us to unravelling a bunch of their STDH. When he retells this story, he tells it as a conversation between himself. I'm told my partners' co-worker does this. My partner would tell him about something that he's done in the past and a few days later it will come back as a story from the co-worker about something he'd done. People like to just dribble poo poo I guess.
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Jun 16, 2016 02:54
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MonoAus posted:I'm told my partners' co-worker does this. My partner would tell him about something that he's done in the past and a few days later it will come back as a story from the co-worker about something he'd done. People like to just dribble poo poo I guess. I'm always left wondering whether the person really believes they are telling the truth, like whether the act of chewing on the story for a few days created a false memory when it happened to them. I also wondered this about my pathological liar coworker from my old job. Best part about his schtick is that larger, over-arcing stories would change key details over time. I kinda wish in retrospect I had the gumption to call him out on in way back when, even in just a curious way "Oh I thought you said you were married?" just to see whether he would double down on it (he probably would have).
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Jun 16, 2016 12:26
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I have many memories from high school that I'm not sure happened to me. I'm not sure if this is a common phenomenon, but it often comes up when talking to my friends from back then.
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Jun 16, 2016 14:40
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Not Giving Him A Sporting Chance Office | AB, Canada | Coworkers, Movies & TV (I have this one coworker who’s always giving me a hard time over my love of movies. This conversation broke out as I’m getting ready for the premiere day of a blockbuster I’d been looking forward to.) Coworker: “I can’t believe you’re going to the theatre to see it. In this day and age, you can download anything you want for free. Only an IDIOT still pays for entertainment.” Me: “How are you spending your Christmas vacation again?” Coworker: “I’m flying down to San Francisco to watch my 49ers play!” Me: “And how much is that costing you?” Coworker: “Around $8000.” Me: “And how is that NOT paying for entertainment?” Coworker: “Sports are different. With sports, there are fans there that you can hang out with! Each game is a one-time only event.” Me: “This is the premiere. There’s going to be fans there I can hang out with. It is a one-time only event.” Coworker: “Whatever. Movies are the lowest form of entertainment. All you do is look at pictures in the dark for two hours.” Me: “With football, all you do is watch grown men chase a ball for four hours.” Coworker: “SPORTS… ARE… DIFFERENT!”
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Jun 16, 2016 16:48
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I like that "update whatever" and dropping numbered updates lets the reader know exactly when the writer decided to drop trying to be even kindasorta within the same continent as plausibility.
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Jun 16, 2016 16:59
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Tritanomalicious posted:I have many memories from high school that I'm not sure happened to me. I'm not sure if this is a common phenomenon, but it often comes up when talking to my friends from back then.
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Jun 16, 2016 17:09
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Imaduck posted:In reality, your brain reforms and rebuilds memories every single time you access them. Which is funny because it implies the memories you cherish most and recall most are probably the wrongest ones, having been recalled and resaved over and over 
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Jun 16, 2016 17:39
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Tunicate posted:Not Giving Him A Sporting Chance I flew Oakland round trip for like $300 in what possible world could this cost $8000. Private charter and president's box?
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Jun 16, 2016 18:01
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Xen Tricks posted:I flew Oakland round trip for like $300 in what possible world could this cost $8000. Private charter and president's box? Flights around christmas are expensive, plus hotel stays for a night or two in san fran. If they're good seats for a 49ers game they can be expensive. It's complete bullshit but I can see it being that much for a family.
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Jun 16, 2016 18:26
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sweeperbravo posted:I'm always left wondering whether the person really believes they are telling the truth, like whether the act of chewing on the story for a few days created a false memory when it happened to them. I also wondered this about my pathological liar coworker from my old job. Best part about his schtick is that larger, over-arcing stories would change key details over time. I kinda wish in retrospect I had the gumption to call him out on in way back when, even in just a curious way "Oh I thought you said you were married?" just to see whether he would double down on it (he probably would have). We would do that with my pathological friend in Disney, he would tell us these tall tales that were easily verifiable and it was always fun trying to see him scramble to find a way to explain away out questions. Questions like "If you were in an off-broadway show why isn't it on IBDB?" "If you go to NYU why does your name tag say some Community College in PA?" "If you're best friends with ::random Broadway star:: why are your only pictures together at the stage door?" Was more sad than entertaining in the end.
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Jun 16, 2016 20:06
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Karatequote:This troper has been taking lessons on Tang Soo Do karate for just over two years now. In the spring of 2008, this troper's sensei (the father of the class's official teacher, who runs the class with him) called in his sensei to run a seminar for the class and anyone else who felt like paying the admission fee. This troper was among those attended the seminar, and was introduced to the single most awesome individual since Kamina-sama. His name is Tai. During the course of Tai-sensei's seminar he occasionally shares stories from his past with us to make a point about his lecture. While this troper can't remember exactly how the topic came up, Tai made mention of an incident in his youth when he was working as a private investigator in New York City and ran afoul of a gang of between ten and twenty toughs somewhere in the Bronx (I think). After going off on a tangent and sharing his experiences on the strategic placement of key members in a Circle of Thugs (the leader always confronts the target head-on, guy number two is always behind him, guys number three and four are at the nine o'clock and three o'clock positions, and the losers fill out the circle), Tai recounts the leader getting up in his face and tossing out threats like Christmas presents. Tai claims he ripped the guy's ears off (it helps to give the ear a twist, which apparently makes it a bit more like a handle and easier to get a solid grip on), tossed them at thugs three and four, and while the leader is on the ground screaming and clutching what's left of his ears, Tai turns to guy number two and goes "You're next. Come 'ere." The guy bolts and the whole group scatters. Next day Tai goes into his favorite coffee shop and the guy serving drinks mentions how the local thugs are saying that they ran into a vampire. Buffy quote:This troper, a recently converted Buffy fan, dressed up as "Jamie The Vampire Slayer" last year for Halloween. This went the whole ten yards- leather pants, high-heeled boots, t-shirt with my name on the fron and show quotes about the Slayer on back...and arm holders with actual stakes in them. People at school made fun of me all day (because I live in a sci-fi/fantasy-deficient town), to the point where I was fairly pissed by the end of the day and definitely did not want to stay for the party they were having at the school. My brother, who normally would have driven me to our mom's workplace across town, had to stay and take pictures for the yearbook, so I decided to walk. I live in a fairly small town, so when I saw a bunch of people with shaving cream and silly string heading down the main street squirting people, I figured I'd be okay going into the alleys behind the movie theater, library, etc. It was also brightly lit, so I thought I'd be okay. However, when I was close to my mom's workplace, a guy on a bicycle came up behind me and started following me. Finally, he came fairly close and tried to grab my arm. At that moment, I should've been scared, but instead, I just got really, really mad. I still had the arm-mounted stake-holders on, so I shook out one of the stakes, turned around, and said in a completely calm voice, "Listen, you stupid son of a bitch, if you come one iota closer to me I will stick this in your eyeball, than pull it out and stick it in your frakking jugular vein." The guy took off like a shot, and I proudly went to school the next day and told everyone who had made fun of my costume exactly what had happened. It was possibly the best Take That EVER. Rugby quote:The first was a rugby lesson back in year eight. We were playing bulldog as a "tackling practise" excercise, and the game was down to about five runners. Now, this naturally means theres a hells of a lot of people on the pitch, trying to catch you. I was quickly marked, and the guy just walks straight forward towards me. I rapidly try and think of a plan, and the best I can come up with is "Your shoelace is untied." He looked. I ran straight past him, by which point the twenty or so other people on the pitch realise that I've broken through their line (which I might wish to add was my plan that our year group has used successfully since I pointed out what a good idea it was in year seven) and chase after me. This troper managed to outrun everyone in the class, including several members of our schools county track and rugby teams (!), skid to a stop at the finish line, roll over, and then rise from a crouch, before turning back to the slightly stunned classmates and going "Did I win?" Debate quote:The second was during my Philosophy class, a year later. We were having a class debate, the topic being "Can man really leave an impression?", which means the class gets split into two halves. On my side there are exactly four people, and the opposition has one of the most popular kids in school on it. As the debate goes on, his comments become less philosophical and more thinly veiled insults. After about ten minutes of this baiting, this troper gets up, and proceeds to exclaim: "Your theories fall flat in the face of mankinds insignificance in comparison to the life of the stars and the universe. Everything you think and will think will expire and rot into ruin over the course of thousands of millenia which you will NOT be around to see. Your theory, and your life, is but dust in the wind compared to time itself. Oh, and also, if whoever finds man's legacy finds out how bloody stupid your hair looks, they will laugh. That is all." Then he sat down. A girl on the other side then puts her hand up and says "Miss, can we change sides if we've changed our mind?", to which she replies "Yes." The whole of the oppositions side, with the exception of about four people, then ups and swaps sides. 'course, my year was depressed for about a month because of it, but hey!
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Jun 16, 2016 22:20
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