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My friend's 3 year old daughter is an endless source of these. For about a half hour she was telling us she wanted to "PEE DA PISS! PEE DA PISS!" while I played video games with her 7 year old brother. When her dad and I finally stopped laughing about it we realized she wanted to feed the fish. Same little girl was riding on my shoulders looking at the "chicken nuggets" (her grandpa's baby chickens) and she pulled the hair tie out of my bun. I asked her if she was going to put my hair in a ponytail for me. She tugged my hair every which way for a few minutes before slumping and whispering in my ear "I dunno hooooooooowww....." This girl was over-loving-joyed to get chicken Ramen from me for Halloween because her dad thought it would be hilarious to show up at my house despite the porch light being off.
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May 11, 2016 22:12
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pookel posted:A teacher was working with him on showing his work in math class instead of just writing the answer. "But I just know the answer!" he protested. She explained that while his brain may get there fast, hers needed to understand the process by steps, and she needed him to explain each step of how he got to the answer so she would know what he was doing. He sighed irritably and said "Stupid people are annoying!" According to some people who teach mathematics, he's not wrong! I would love to meet your kid, he's just so wonderfully blunt. I stopped by my mom's house the other day (she's a daycare provider). Some of the kids know me really well, but there was one girl who had never met me. Her companion, about five, explained to her (right in front of me) "She's a nice girl, you will like her. She's short and she's really old." Then she turned to me and said matter of factly: "I'm still growing." I wish I could remember more of the really ridiculous stuff that they've said. They're all pretty priceless.
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May 13, 2016 14:50
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My wife just finished her first year of nursing school. She's 30 and decided to return to school after she became a volunteer EMT because she found out she loved medicine. We went out to eat to celebrate with a friend of ours and he had his two sons with him, who are 5 and 4. My wife had her purse on the table with her phone sitting on top of it. My buddy said to his boys "She's in school, just like you are." His 5 year old retorted, "Then why do you have a purse?" "What do you mean?" my wife replied. "You don't have a job!" insisted the kid. "Why do you have a purse!?" He was genuinely flummoxed. The situation was resolved when she told him she did, in fact, have 3 jobs in addition to being a student like they were.
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May 13, 2016 16:30
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From a Facebook friend: Autumn comes into my room to give me a goodnight hug. She puts her arms out and I hug her. She squeezes me tightly and in an even and ominous tone she whispers in my ear, "The whole world is mine."
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May 16, 2016 07:21
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My nephew is 2, almost every day for his entire life he has seen his families pet cat Bella. My sister and him spend a week at our parents house with their cat Floss. Little dude is now convinced that his pet cat is also called Floss. We thought maybe he has got his wires crossed and thought that all cats were called Floss, nope, dude spends about 20 minutes at my house & learns that my cat is called Lucifer & has no problem calling him that (he says Lucish to be honest, but still). He just refuses to learn his own cats name. When he was shown a picture of my cat a few weeks later he said "Lucish! Naughty! Lick hair! Stop" which is a fair representation of my nuisance kitten.
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May 16, 2016 22:31
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My five year old daughter, every since she was 3, will give me the tightest possible hug she is capable of. As she does this, she will invariably whisper in my ear: " I'm trying to break your bones. Did I break your bones?"
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May 18, 2016 03:42
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Billy the Mountain posted:My five year old daughter, every since she was 3, will give me the tightest possible hug she is capable of. As she does this, she will invariably whisper in my ear: " I'm trying to break your bones. Did I break your bones?" You better be careful there.. she might try it when you've become elderly and succeed!! 
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May 19, 2016 11:09
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Facebook just reminded me of this, from five years ago, when my kid was 3 1/2:quote:[Precocious autistic kid], examining a Cheeto puff: "This an object with zero corners! That mean it has curves! How many sides it have? A round object have circles all over the place."
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May 19, 2016 16:53
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pookel posted:Facebook just reminded me of this, from five years ago, when my kid was 3 1/2: Congrats on your future crazy mathematics PHD of a child 
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May 19, 2016 17:21
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My son was pushing his delivery truck toy around, saying the usual little kid stuff "it goes fast!" "delivery truck!" and "it has tires!" I finally asked him "hey, bud, what's in the delivery truck?" he look at me confused and I repeated the question: "hey, bud, what's in the delivery truck?" He sits there for a second, and then a huge smile slowly spreads across his face like that sloth from Zootopia. "Toys!" he yelled.
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May 20, 2016 00:27
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I showed a picture of a bearded man dressed as Elsa to the middle schoolers today. One kid, in a long and splendid litany, "OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL WHAT AM I LOOKING AT OH poo poo MY EYES!" Longest English sentence I've heard so far. Same class, another kid reacted to my saying their regular teacher's name by screaming "SHE'S A BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and then starting to cry. 
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May 20, 2016 11:33
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"Ms. Pepsigloworm, my daddy is picking me up and then God is gonna give me candy." Other child: "Who's God?" First child: "Um, he takes your legs and saves you."
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May 20, 2016 23:53
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I don't have any stories. I just want to say that I get unreasonably happy everytime I see there's a new post in my user control panel. 
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May 21, 2016 03:31
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At circle time when the whole class was silent listening to the teacher: 4-year-old: My willy's all big but I wasn't sitting here playing with it. Was playing blocks with a different kid, aged 3, and he comes out with the following: L: Miss Apples, do you know who's in Darth Vader's suit? Me: I think it's Anakin Skywalker, right buddy? L: No! Me: No? Are you sure? L: It's not that. Me: Who is it then? L: David Prowse. 
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May 21, 2016 10:24
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"Kid A" knows whats up. "Kid B" is a huge nerd. I am also.
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May 21, 2016 10:37
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Simon is my 8-year-old "little professor." Simon: *drops two rocks of similar size from the same height and watches them fall* "Aha! These two rocks are the same weight." Me: "But you know, falling objects of different weights still fall at the same speed." Simon: "Yes, but lighter objects are more affected by air resistance."Simon riding a horse on the kiddie carousel like a mini-Napoleon: "Faster! Faster, I say!"
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Jun 13, 2016 18:15
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A few years ago, I was doing madlibs with my cousin's kids.  A celebrity's last name Beaver Beaver? Yeah, like Justin Beaver Credit to ToastFaceKillah on the old GBS "Draw funny things kids say" thread.
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Jun 13, 2016 18:33
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Overheard at the grocery store: (dad and 3-4 year old daughter are talking about random stuff, I wasn't listening that closely) Dad: "Where do you get your information?" Daughter, glibly: "Nowhere!"
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Jun 13, 2016 22:56
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I was walking down the street and this little lad outside his house decided to talk to me. Well, yell, cause I was kind of far away. : "Hey! Do you go to the gym?" : "Nope. Could you tell?" (I am fat): "You should go to the gym, it's good for you!" : "I might just.": "Do some press-ups!"
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Jun 13, 2016 23:01
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GWBBQ posted:A few years ago, I was doing madlibs with my cousin's kids. Well, it's not wrong... https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Bieber#German
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Jun 14, 2016 01:52
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My son has turned 2 and started picking up some bad habits. Today he aimed a kick at my neck while I was changing his diaper. "Don't do that, it's not funny," I said. "That why I do it!" he says with an evil grin, and takes another shot at me. So of course I have to give him a time out. 2 minutes on the couch. For the first 45 seconds he puts on a brave face. Then the tears start. Then the crying. Around a minute-fifteen in, he looks at me and wails "I'M CRACKING LIKE AN EGG!!!!!!!" Of course in his cute little boy voice it's "I QUACKING LIKE A HEYG" Took everything I had not to laugh or smile.
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Jun 16, 2016 06:06
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I present to you the work of a student I will call "Rihanna": I create my own holiday which is called "A-Cup Day." Every A-cup girl will takes a party and celebrates her small boobs. A-cup girls can sleep easily and when they are running, they can never feel a hefty roll of flab overhanging their breast. Big boobs girls must serve small boobs girls and say "I love small boobs, small boobs is the best, you deserve it!" Big boobs girls must praise the girls with small boobs. Anyway, on this day, small boobs girls can have SEX with each handsome boy which they want to. Because you know, small boobs= Better sex. And the most important thing is that you can wear whatever the gently caress you want in this holiday. But you must remember Rihanna is the queen in "A-Cup Day." She is the only girl who has the most complanate airport in the class. Finals are next week, can you tell?
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Jun 16, 2016 11:11
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bringmyfishback posted:She is the only girl who has the most complanate airport in the class. Do you teach in China, or is "airport" slang for small boobs somewhere else as well?
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Jun 16, 2016 11:31
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Bertrand Hustle posted:Do you teach in China, or is "airport" slang for small boobs somewhere else as well? Haha, yes, China.
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Jun 16, 2016 11:42
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bringmyfishback posted:I present to you the work of a student I will call "Rihanna": This is poetry
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Jun 16, 2016 12:07
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C is my 8-year-old, T is her mom. They are watching Life of Brian. *C laughing at movie joke* T: "Do you even know what a eunuch is?" C: "No, what?" T: "Ok, you know how boys have penises?" C: "NEVER MIND."
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Jun 16, 2016 15:32
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Bertrand Hustle posted:Do you teach in China, or is "airport" slang for small boobs somewhere else as well? Wait what? Airport is slang for boobs? Just... why?
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Jun 19, 2016 15:08
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princecoo posted:Wait what? Airport is slang for boobs? Small boobs => flat as a runway => airport. Makes sense.
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Jun 19, 2016 15:52
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Snapchat A Titty posted:Makes sense. THE HELL IT DOES
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Jun 19, 2016 19:29
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My five year old niece (), while being put to bed by my brother ( ):: "We're getting a dog.": "Oh yeah? What kind of dog?": "A Puma."
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Jun 20, 2016 01:39
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bringmyfishback posted:I present to you the work of a student I will call "Rihanna": Give her an F 
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Jun 20, 2016 06:16
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gvibes posted:My three year old girl, at the dinner table: Just walk away man. Just walk away... My 1st grader daughter made a drawing for her grandma. It was of a dog of some sort and she labeled it "Cute". Her spelling of cute was somewhat creative. She spelled it, in all capitals, "oval office". My mom got a kick out of it.
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Jun 20, 2016 17:39
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CommissarMega posted:Give her an F Or at the very least a DD
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Jun 21, 2016 06:58
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CommissarMega posted:Give her an F She really likes As, though... Here's an interesting "essay" from the remedial 11th grade class. I have bolded my favorite part and cleaned up some punctuation, but other than that, I have not changed anything: Today, I with my girlfriend Fay to go to Hainai. We took my all money (just $100,000) to travel. I tell her don't bring any money, because I am rich! but she says "Don't gently caress with me, I don't love your money!" and then I'm no words. When we arrived Hainan, we want to go to hotel and take a room, and then we go to hotel room, and taking a room. I'm very happy, and then, we go into the room, and giving a hug to my girlfriend, say "I will protect you, I love you!" She has a little shy, and then she kiss me.......... When we back to [hometown], we are getting marry, and she is so happies. This story will happen in "not long future"........... I just thought that was so cute. :3 I swear, this is a HUGE improvement from the beginning of the year when "[classmate] is gay" and "I like ride motorbike" were pretty much the only things anyone could say.
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Jun 22, 2016 03:33
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Some highlights from Rihanna's final exam: "When it comes to me, I personally tend to believe that USA is the best place for me. Firstly, goddess Bringmyfishback comes from America. She has amazing boobs. I love beautiful girls with big boobs. Probably I don't have them. I'm pretty sure that I will enjoy these superb boobs. In USA, I can enjoy them all day. The most important thing is that the development of USA which is attract me most. I want to learn more knowledge. And I want to China become one of the most powerful country." From her essay about what she would do on a dream date, after a longish passage about traditional Chinese cultural sites in our city: "...[city]'s restrooms have a natural culture." (Note: I asked. yes, this was a bacteria joke.) "There are many holes and you can pee in them. He will feel comfortable and fall in love with [city] restrooms (And married me.) She concluded her essay by drawing two turds and writing "take some!" underneath.
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Jun 22, 2016 10:57
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bringmyfishback posted:Some highlights from Rihanna's final exam: ETA: quote:I tell her don't bring any money, because I am rich! but she says "Don't gently caress with me, I don't love your money!" and then I'm no words. 
pookel has a new favorite as of 15:56 on Jun 22, 2016 |
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Jun 22, 2016 15:53
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bringmyfishback posted:She concluded her essay by drawing two turds and writing "take some!" underneath. A+
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Jun 22, 2016 16:01
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Rihanna for president. Either the kid or the singer will do, I'm not picky.
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Jun 22, 2016 16:11
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Rhi-Rhi miiiight be hot for teacher...
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Jun 22, 2016 16:23
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Please buy Rihanna a forums account
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Jun 22, 2016 17:16
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