google: dad I hate myself and this phone is garbage

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > google: dad I hate myself and this phone is garbage

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mod saas: May 4, 2004; Grimey Drawer

Wheany posted:

15% of all sunlight hitting the ~~earth~~ dyson sphere is used to power them.

the rest is used to mine the last bitcoin

# ? Jul 14, 2016 12:31

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# ? May 28, 2024 17:36

Captain Foo: May 11, 2004; we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'

creationist believer posted:

yospos drug commercial: did things that used to bring your pleasure now just bring you kevin?

this is from a few pages ago but i do not care

# ? Jul 14, 2016 14:08

compuserved: Mar 20, 2006; Nap Ghost

Cybernetic Vermin posted:

google, having perfected the immortality serum and all manner of autonomous machinery realizes that they are about to inflict upon humanity a horrifying loss of purpose; they fret for some time before larry comes up with the solution: "how about we have everyone just juggle an infinite series of incompatible messaging applications for the rest of eternity?"

# ? Jul 14, 2016 14:13

Schadenboner: Aug 15, 2011; by Shine

I first read the title of the thread as "Gaze upon the Greatness of Google Pages" and it's only when I saw it on Awful.app that I realized the "Pages" was a unit of measurement, not part of the title.

Well, that's my story. Thanks for listening! :tipshat:

# ? Jul 14, 2016 14:17

ClassActionFursuit: Mar 15, 2006

SolTerrasa posted:

Now that I think about it I guess I kind of get it: Hangouts is getting kind of old and the brand doesn't really work for young people, so you invent some new brands for the new shiny functionality. But you can't kill the old brands, because if you kill the old brands people get mad (aren't people still mad about GTalk, the last time google did this?). I guess you could choose to not do anything, just leave Hangouts like it is, but the features in Allo are actually genuinely pretty cool and it would suck not to have people use them. So you end up choosing the lesser of two evils: a pile of apps that have overlapping functionality. So I guess probably nobody's dumb or evil or self-aggrandizing, they just make the best of a situation that they found themselves in.

Like

Allo is Hangouts for non-corporate / young people with shiny new features
Duo is Hangouts video calling for non-corporate / young people
Hangouts Dialer is that way because of the Intents system on Android
Fi is something completely different and needed its own app for customer service anyway
Messenger... no idea. It's probably important to have an app that doesn't depend on google play services so people can reliably use AOSP??? I'm not sure.
Hell even Spaces is probably for some obtuse corporate use cases that don't come up in the general public; maybe in a year it'll have only a few users but they'll all be really rabid.

YouTube Messenger is kind of hard to defend but I dunno, I assume someone did market research and decided it was a good idea.

I guess that's probably a bad post for the Google Thread but I dunno, maybe it all kind of makes sense if you squint.

no no no do not defend this poo poo

here is what users want: imessage clone

specifically they want a single application on their phone and place on the web where they can chat either by sms or by im and have it seemlessly switch between the two automatically. they want those threads to appear on the web the same way they appear on the phone. thats what they want

the problem is that they have had all the tools since the grandcental (voice) acquistion to do this without any problem. sure add in video chat and all of that poo poo too, but there is no reason--none--that they couldnt just make a single app that when you activate an android device asks if you want to register your carrier number to your messaging app and bam done hell have it take over your carrier voicemail at the same time just like voice/hangouts can do already so those appear there too

theyre like a retarded kid trying to assemble one of those puzzles you see in preschools where theres like four pieces and its obvious where each one goes and they just cant do it on their own

its completely indefensible that they cant get this right

# ? Jul 14, 2016 14:59

Jabor: Jul 16, 2010; #1 Loser at SpaceChem

its a good way for the person deciding to build a new messaging app to demonstrate their importance and do a li'l empire building.

# ? Jul 14, 2016 15:02

Schadenboner: Aug 15, 2011; by Shine

LastInLine posted:

no no no do not defend this poo poo

here is what users want: imessage clone

specifically they want a single application on their phone and place on the web where they can chat either by sms or by im and have it seemlessly switch between the two automatically. they want those threads to appear on the web the same way they appear on the phone. thats what they want

the problem is that they have had all the tools since the grandcental (voice) acquistion to do this without any problem. sure add in video chat and all of that poo poo too, but there is no reason--none--that they couldnt just make a single app that when you activate an android device asks if you want to register your carrier number to your messaging app and bam done hell have it take over your carrier voicemail at the same time just like voice/hangouts can do already so those appear there too

theyre like a retarded kid trying to assemble one of those puzzles you see in preschools where theres like four pieces and its obvious where each one goes and they just cant do it on their own

its completely indefensible that they cant get this right

I feel like this should be tattooed backwards onto the foreheads of various important people at Google.

# ? Jul 14, 2016 15:04

Perplx: Jun 26, 2004; Best viewed on Orgasma Plasma; Lipstick Apathy

it's like everyone at google hasn't sent or received an sms in years

it's kind of funny that seamless messaging is really just graceful protocol downgrading for legacy phones

so in at least one sense apple has the best backwards compatibility

# ? Jul 14, 2016 15:37

anthonypants: May 6, 2007; by Nyc_Tattoo; Dinosaur Gum

Perplx posted:

it's like everyone at google hasn't sent or received an sms in years

it's kind of funny that seamless messaging is really just graceful protocol downgrading for legacy phones

so in at least one sense apple has the best backwards compatibility

they're probably hard at work making yet another slack clone

# ? Jul 14, 2016 16:04

Endless Mike: Aug 13, 2003

they had to make allo because hangouts isn't a name you can say while loving

# ? Jul 14, 2016 16:29

Sapozhnik: Jan 2, 2005; Nap Ghost

seems to me like Slack is Wave except not poo poo

# ? Jul 14, 2016 16:36

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

you guys are writing a lot of words trying to explain google's dumb messaging strategy. here is what it actually is:

writing something new is a lot more interesting than maintaining and polishing old code.

if Google management had some discipline they would direct their engineers to iteratively improve their existing products instead of continuously rewriting things like an idiot Linux desktop distro

# ? Jul 14, 2016 17:11

Endless Mike: Aug 13, 2003

Mr Dog posted:

seems to me like Slack is Wave except not poo poo

spaces is like slack except poo poo

# ? Jul 14, 2016 17:18

Progressive JPEG: Feb 19, 2003

LastInLine posted:

no no no do not defend this poo poo

here is what users want: imessage clone

specifically they want a single application on their phone and place on the web where they can chat either by sms or by im and have it seemlessly switch between the two automatically. they want those threads to appear on the web the same way they appear on the phone. thats what they want

the problem is that they have had all the tools since the grandcental (voice) acquistion to do this without any problem. sure add in video chat and all of that poo poo too, but there is no reason--none--that they couldnt just make a single app that when you activate an android device asks if you want to register your carrier number to your messaging app and bam done hell have it take over your carrier voicemail at the same time just like voice/hangouts can do already so those appear there too

theyre like a retarded kid trying to assemble one of those puzzles you see in preschools where theres like four pieces and its obvious where each one goes and they just cant do it on their own

its completely indefensible that they cant get this right

but then how are you going to make promo if you're just reusing whats already been done?

# ? Jul 14, 2016 18:03

hobbesmaster: Jan 28, 2008

Progressive JPEG posted:

but then how are you going to make promo if you're just reusing whats already been done?

you make a new service that can access all the other ones!

# ? Jul 14, 2016 18:06

Progressive JPEG: Feb 19, 2003

The Management posted:

you guys are writing a lot of words trying to explain google's dumb messaging strategy. here is what it actually is:

writing something new is a lot more interesting than maintaining and polishing old code.

if Google management had some discipline they would direct their engineers to iteratively improve their existing products instead of continuously rewriting things like an idiot Linux desktop distro

the financial incentives are all structured around rewarding work on 'meaty' projects

if you can't find one, the smart move in this system is to invent one

# ? Jul 14, 2016 18:07

PleasureKevin: Jan 2, 2011

someone's post is stuck?

# ? Jul 14, 2016 18:16

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

LastInLine posted:

no no no do not defend this poo poo

here is what users want: imessage clone

specifically they want a single application on their phone and place on the web where they can chat either by sms or by im and have it seemlessly switch between the two automatically. they want those threads to appear on the web the same way they appear on the phone. thats what they want

the problem is that they have had all the tools since the grandcental (voice) acquistion to do this without any problem. sure add in video chat and all of that poo poo too, but there is no reason--none--that they couldnt just make a single app that when you activate an android device asks if you want to register your carrier number to your messaging app and bam done hell have it take over your carrier voicemail at the same time just like voice/hangouts can do already so those appear there too

theyre like a retarded kid trying to assemble one of those puzzles you see in preschools where theres like four pieces and its obvious where each one goes and they just cant do it on their own

its completely indefensible that they cant get this right

works fine with hangouts an Fi, Bitch.

# ? Jul 14, 2016 20:23

Fuzzy Mammal: Aug 15, 2001; Lipstick Apathy

SolTerrasa posted:

I was trying to list all of them earlier and I learned about some new ones that I had only vaguely heard of.

We got:
Allo for text messaging over data
Duo for 1:1 video calls
Hangouts for text messages over data that don't work very well, many:many video calls that are really good, also sms but only in some versions, phone calls (but only from the web, right?), some other stuff
Hangouts Dialer which does phone calls from Android
Google voice which does phone calls from Android, and also sms but only in some versions
Project Fi for phone calls and phone service and whatnot.
Messenger for sms
Spaces for... Link sharing? I'm actually not sure what spaces is for
YouTube Messenger for text messaging but only about YouTube videos

Did I miss any? I guess there's also like a million ways you can use Google apps to send text messages: direct messages in google+, comments in sheets, docs and slides, and so on, but then you're getting pretty far afield from "messaging apps".

this is p close

spaces is the inheritor for messages, which is the brainchild of the g+ folks and done by them
hangouts does everything but is too heavyweight for freephones and sms/whatsapp only type folks, so allo and duo are the simpler mobile only solutions for that.
android itself has non-branded basic dialers for the really bad providers
voice is about your actual number, like voicemails and history and stuff
fi is cell service (owns)

i expect the enterprise/consumer split with hangouts and the other apps to be made more explicit moving forward

# ? Jul 14, 2016 20:33

Fuzzy Mammal: Aug 15, 2001; Lipstick Apathy

LastInLine posted:

here is what users want: imessage clone

specifically they want a single application on their phone and place on the web where they can chat either by sms or by im and have it seemlessly switch between the two automatically. they want those threads to appear on the web the same way they appear on the phone. thats what they want

this is exactly hangouts. conversation based, single or group, sms, chat, voice or video, synced between web and devices with notifications.

# ? Jul 14, 2016 20:36

Last Chance: Dec 31, 2004

Fuzzy Mammal posted:

this is exactly hangouts. conversation based, single or group, sms, chat, voice or video, synced between web and devices with notifications.

but for how much longer?

# ? Jul 14, 2016 20:38

Fuzzy Mammal: Aug 15, 2001; Lipstick Apathy

for the triple post combo:

i don't remember if i told yospos but i'm like 70% responsible for the hangouts branding lol. the eng teams in seattle and stockholm would always idle in a persistent group call. i made the first one once we had nameable rooms rather than just ids and called it hangout since we just hung out in it all week. the rest is history i guess.

e: ^^^ foiled. probably forever idk. they'll eventually all interoperate. esp since allo and duo need a mobile device.

# ? Jul 14, 2016 20:39

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

Hangouts Owns

# ? Jul 14, 2016 20:46

Last Chance: Dec 31, 2004

Fuzzy Mammal posted:

for the triple post combo:

i don't remember if i told yospos but i'm like 70% responsible for the hangouts branding lol. the eng teams in seattle and stockholm would always idle in a persistent group call. i made the first one once we had nameable rooms rather than just ids and called it hangout since we just hung out in it all week. the rest is history i guess.

e: ^^^ foiled. probably forever idk. they'll eventually all interoperate. esp since allo and duo need a mobile device.

so you have some influence over this disaster? can you rein it in to one app and possibly undo the horrific hangouts name? normal people don't "hang out" in chat/messaging apps. they send messages to each other and reply when they can.

"hanging out" doesn't make any sense unless you're a dev sitting in a chat room all the time.

# ? Jul 14, 2016 20:48

mod saas: May 4, 2004; Grimey Drawer

i think hangouts is a nice name :shobon:

# ? Jul 14, 2016 21:33

in a well actually: Jan 26, 2011; dude, you gotta end it on the rhyme

Last Chance posted:

so you have some influence over this disaster? can you rein it in to one app and possibly undo the horrific hangouts name? normal people don't "hang out" in chat/messaging apps. they send messages to each other and reply when they can.

"hanging out" doesn't make any sense unless you're a dev sitting in a chat room all the time.

what is the deal with airline peanuts

# ? Jul 14, 2016 21:37

creationist believer: Feb 16, 2007; College Slice

whats the deal with iMessage? I message? i don't message. you message, I ignore

# ? Jul 14, 2016 21:54

Hurt Whitey Maybe: Jun 26, 2008; I mean maybe not. Or maybe. Definitely don't kill anyone.

my company has been spending a year moving to google apps from lotus notes and everyone just uses sametime instead of hangouts. maybe Google could try copying a 20+ year old messaging app?

# ? Jul 14, 2016 23:28

Shaggar: Apr 26, 2006

sametime is really good

# ? Jul 14, 2016 23:35

atomicthumbs: Dec 26, 2010; We're in the business of extending man's senses.

Perplx posted:

it's like everyone at google hasn't sent or received an sms in years

it's kind of funny that seamless messaging is really just graceful protocol downgrading for legacy phones

so in at least one sense apple has the best backwards compatibility

legacy phones and GSM/GPRS zones

# ? Jul 15, 2016 00:01

atomicthumbs: Dec 26, 2010; We're in the business of extending man's senses.

Fuzzy Mammal posted:

for the triple post combo:

i don't remember if i told yospos but i'm like 70% responsible for the hangouts branding lol. the eng teams in seattle and stockholm would always idle in a persistent group call. i made the first one once we had nameable rooms rather than just ids and called it hangout since we just hung out in it all week. the rest is history i guess.

e: ^^^ foiled. probably forever idk. they'll eventually all interoperate. esp since allo and duo need a mobile device.

google has been telling people they're removing sms from hangouts and to use messenger instead.

# ? Jul 15, 2016 00:02

SO DEMANDING: Dec 27, 2003

Hurt Whitey Maybe posted:

my company has been spending a year moving to google apps from lotus notes and everyone just uses sametime instead of hangouts. maybe Google could try copying a 20+ year old messaging app?

a lot of people could learn a lot from a 20+ year old messaging app, sametime is unironically good.

we're migrating from notes to outlook, and skype for business is loving embarassing. the UI is a dumpster fire, there's so much goddamn wasted space from buttons meant for a touchscreen and dumb cutsey word bubbles around the messages. there's a noticable delay in hitting enter and seeing my message display in the chat. can't just paste a picture and send it instantly, inlined with the chat. nope pasting a pic forces the receiver to open a dialog and download the picture. im really gonna miss my custome emoticon collection

# ? Jul 15, 2016 00:50

ClassActionFursuit: Mar 15, 2006

Fuzzy Mammal posted:

this is exactly hangouts. conversation based, single or group, sms, chat, voice or video, synced between web and devices with notifications.

except it cant do sms on the web unless you port your number to google voice. also you have to choose the protocol yourself it cant fail back to sms automatically. also now sms and hangouts will have two separate threads. also google will periodically tell you that maybe it should be two separate apps

its basically an imessage clone made by someone who completely misunderstands why imessage is good where every feature is done is some monkeys paw way where its what you asked for implemented in a way that makes it entirely useless

# ? Jul 15, 2016 01:02

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

LastInLine posted:

except it cant do sms on the web unless you port your number to google voice. also you have to choose the protocol yourself it cant fail back to sms automatically. also now sms and hangouts will have two separate threads. also google will periodically tell you that maybe it should be two separate apps

its basically an imessage clone made by someone who completely misunderstands why imessage is good where every feature is done is some monkeys paw way where its what you asked for implemented in a way that makes it entirely useless

Using Android on non-Fi is not canon and unsupported. Legacy carriers are deprecated. Ticket closed.

# ? Jul 15, 2016 01:11

ClassActionFursuit: Mar 15, 2006

Smythe posted:

Using Android on non-Fi is not canon and unsupported. Legacy carriers are deprecated. Ticket closed.

im sorry my delicate sensitivities preclude me from using sprints haram frequencies

# ? Jul 15, 2016 05:19

Agile Vector: May 21, 2007; scrum bored

LastInLine posted:

except it cant do sms on the web unless you port your number to google voice. also you have to choose the protocol yourself it cant fail back to sms automatically. also now sms and hangouts will have two separate threads. also google will periodically tell you that maybe it should be two separate apps

its basically an imessage clone made by someone who completely misunderstands why imessage is good where every feature is done is some monkeys paw way where its what you asked for implemented in a way that makes it entirely useless

monkeys paw implementation is now my new phrase for bullshit code delivery and i know ill use it constantly

# ? Jul 15, 2016 06:16

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

LastInLine posted:

im sorry my delicate sensitivities preclude me from using sprints haram frequencies

I'm hooked up to tmob 100% of the time

# ? Jul 15, 2016 06:23

Necc0: Jun 30, 2005; by exmarx; Broken Cake

Illusive gently caress Man posted:

i don't get googs messaging poo poo. gchat circa 2k6 was needs-suiting. it was nice at the time because I think you could use aim with it, which meant everyone could finally uninstall aim or trillian or whatever.

the names keep getting dumber and dumber too.

linking aim completely borked my contact list which remains borked to this day- over a decade later

software scars

# ? Jul 15, 2016 06:25

ShadowHawk: Jun 25, 2000; CERTIFIED PRE OWNED TESLA OWNER

Progressive JPEG posted:

but then how are you going to make promo if you're just reusing whats already been done?

You become an SRE where reducing complexity and standardizing things are explicitly rewarded.

# ? Jul 15, 2016 07:18

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# ? May 28, 2024 17:36

Sagebrush: Feb 26, 2012

just let me use plain old gchat and plain old sms apps

I don't give a poo poo about any of this other stuff or about integration between them

# ? Jul 15, 2016 11:32

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > google: dad I hate myself and this phone is garbage

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