|
My older nephew has a little brother who hasn't started talking yet. He refers to the little dude as "My baby." My sister brought Evan, the older one, a present. Evan's been taught that it's rude to ask for presents before they're offered. Ever the clever one, Evan looked up at my sister with big eyes. "My baby really wants to know what you got me!"
|
#
?
Aug 20, 2016 02:32
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 15, 2024 20:24 |
|
|
6-year-old niece to the dog: "Sit!" 3-year-old niece to the dog: "Stand on one foot"
|
|
#
?
Aug 23, 2016 15:21
|
|
|
I dye my hair about once a month. It's been white/blue/green etc past few months. I just dyed it purple and my 2 year old saw it for the first time. The whole day she didn't say anything about it until finally she was sitting on the counter brushing her teeth. She stopped suddenly, reached up gently and pet my head: "I like your hair, mommy." I just  Nobody else's opinions matter to me. Just hers.
|
|
#
?
Aug 23, 2016 22:45
|
|
|
At dinner a couple of weeks ago my Sister In law complimenting my step-mothers roast vegtables: "I'd be skinny if all vegetables were like this". To which her 5 year old, without looking up from her plate replied: "But you're not." Then carried on eating.
|
|
#
?
Aug 25, 2016 16:55
|
|
|
I'm helping a 4 year old boy put on sun-screen: Him: "Y'know, Ms. Gloworm, I've seen Transformers." Me: "Oh yeah?" Him: "Yeah. And in the movie they eat sun-screen." Me: ..... Him: ..... Me: "Do you mean Starscream?" Him: "Yeah!"
|
|
#
?
Aug 26, 2016 00:47
|
|
|
Tea Bone posted:At dinner a couple of weeks ago my Sister In law complimenting my step-mothers roast vegtables: Did they find the body?
|
|
#
?
Aug 26, 2016 00:49
|
|
|
From Facebook:quote:After our first talk about sex and babies my then 4 year old asked me "how did daddy get a new penis after he put his inside of you?"
|
|
#
?
Aug 26, 2016 01:12
|
|
|
Tea Bone posted:At dinner a couple of weeks ago my Sister In law complimenting my step-mothers roast vegtables: Some of the best burns come from kids just being brutally honest.
|
|
#
?
Aug 26, 2016 03:00
|
|
|
Intoluene posted:Some of the best burns come from kids just being brutally honest. One of my favorite burns of all time. quote:"You've got no kids, no wife, no job, and you're not in The Tigger Movie!!!"
|
|
#
?
Aug 26, 2016 03:04
|
|
|
I had the best little dude at work this morning. As his mom is unloading her cart he proudly announces, "I got a new guy!" Assuming he meant an action figure I asked who it was. "It's Daddy!," he declares happily, then adding, "He's at work." To continue the conversation I asked what his Daddy does at work----kid thinks for a second then says, "He breaks stuff. An' PawPaw fixes it." This makes the mom laugh as well, more so as I'm handing her the receipt and the little guy sighs and shrugs exactly like the  smilie and adds, "I wish I was a submarine. I wish mommy was a submarine."
|
|
#
?
Aug 26, 2016 23:42
|
|
|
I've been letting my son play retro arcade games on an emulator recently. Leading to him asking me "Can I play Catholics and Dinosaurs again?". My kid has a great career ahead of him in game development.
|
|
#
?
Aug 27, 2016 00:11
|
|
|
I'm on the bus now, and there is a little boy chanting "shake your bum!" over and over, as he busts a move and shakes his bum. His mom is laughing too hard to effectively get him to stop
|
|
#
?
Sep 2, 2016 21:49
|
|
|
genetic_knockout posted:His mom is laughing too hard to effectively get him to stop Thank heavens!
|
|
#
?
Sep 2, 2016 22:02
|
|
|
My 6 year old nephew beat me in chess yesterday, all the while pointing out flaws in my dumbass strategies  Edit: Same nephew who last year ran into the living room without pants singing "butt butt butt" while shaking his butt.
|
|
#
?
Sep 2, 2016 23:42
|
|
|
This is more of a "poo poo parents say," but I just really liked it - Overheard at a store: Little Boy: Why can't I have it [this toy]? Dad: Because you don't have a job.
|
|
#
?
Sep 3, 2016 08:33
|
|
|
Scene: Grocery store, shopping. Wife: What do you want for dinner? Our 5 year old son: Macaroni cheese. (sideways look) Have you heard of this? Wife: Yes, I can make that. Son: Good. I thought it was funny because of the way he paused and looked at her like "hmm I guess this could be a strange and exotic new foodstuff unknown to mother until now, I had better ensure she is up to the task" Also our boys go to daycare with a kid nasmed Finnegan, but they can't pronounce it so they are always talking about what they and Figgyden did together. It's adoreable.
|
|
#
?
Oct 7, 2016 03:58
|
|
|
(My 3 year old): Look at my painting! (Me): Cool! I like the colors, what is this big yellow square? (My 3 year old): My school (Me): Very nice, and what's this red stuff all over your school? (My 3 year old): Fire!
|
|
#
?
Oct 7, 2016 04:08
|
|
|
U-DO Burger posted:My 4-year-old burst in on me while I was playing Dark Souls 3, right as I triggered the Wolnir boss fight. Just for reference, here's what you see when the fight begins. When my guild downed Arthus my twin daughters watched the fight, a glitch kicked me off the platform when Arthus "kills" the party so I didn't get the end animation. I was all !NERD SAD! and my daughter put her hand on my forearm and said "I'm sorry you lost your fight daddy"
|
|
#
?
Oct 7, 2016 04:14
|
|
|
If you don't follow Kate Beaton on twitter (https://twitter.com/beatonna/media?lang=en) she just released a children's book and has been doing a tour to classrooms and libraries and stuff to promote it and read to kids. She's been doing a bunch of comics about all the crazy poo poo the kids have been saying. These are the last couple she's done. 
|
|
#
?
Oct 7, 2016 04:24
|
|
|
"Uncle 504, daddies getting a new motorbike!!!!!!!!!" "Is he?" "Yeah, 'cause the other one is hosed"
|
|
#
?
Oct 7, 2016 04:27
|
|
|
Rhyming with my son yesterday: Me: You ara a funky funky funky monkey! Kid: You are a cunty cunty cunty bunty! drat son. Also when I sent that to my wife she agreed with him. Also on the topic of drawings, my son also has a picture of a building and it is on fire. Then the teacher superimposed a picture of him smiling with his red crayon over the top of it. Also its two buildings. Two tall buildings ... Basically it looks like my child is standing over the top of the burning twin towers with a demonic grin on his face like "look what I did!"
|
|
#
?
Oct 7, 2016 15:21
|
|
|
Keystoned posted:Also on the topic of drawings, my son also has a picture of a building and it is on fire. Then the teacher superimposed a picture of him smiling with his red crayon over the top of it. Also its two buildings. Two tall buildings ... The mental picture this created is honestly the funniest thing my imagination has come up with all week. The superposition had to have been on purpose, holy poo poo.
|
|
#
?
Oct 8, 2016 02:57
|
|
|
Keystoned posted:Also on the topic of drawings, my son also has a picture of a building and it is on fire. Then the teacher superimposed a picture of him smiling with his red crayon over the top of it. Also its two buildings. Two tall buildings ... Please post?
|
|
#
?
Oct 9, 2016 16:27
|
|
|
The kid we babysit noticed a bunch of shot glasses we had drying on the counter, and asked "Why do you have baby glasses?" I explained that they are called shot glasses, and that they are for big boys and girls when they don't want to drink a lot of something. He seemed to accept that. Few hours later, his mom calls us. Evidently the kid thinks he's a big boy (at 5), so when asked about what he wanted to drink with his snack, he replied "I'm not too thirsty, can I get a shot glass of apple juice?"
|
|
#
?
Oct 10, 2016 21:47
|
|
|
Haha I did almost the same thing regarding shot glasses when I was roughly kindergarten age... my grandparents had shot glasses that looked like miniature wood-handled beer mugs (similar to the ones below) and eventually I whined enough to be served chocolate milk in them several times
|
|
#
?
Oct 10, 2016 22:01
|
|
|
My uncle had a collection of high end German beer steins and I never understood why I wasn't allowed to drink from them. They're cups, but with attached lids that flip open! I didn't get why they didn't use them all the time. I mean how could you not want to drink chocolate milk out of that all day long?
|
|
#
?
Oct 10, 2016 22:28
|
|
|
Caedus posted:My uncle had a collection of high end German beer steins and I never understood why I wasn't allowed to drink from them. They're cups, but with attached lids that flip open! I didn't get why they didn't use them all the time. legit question that needs to be answered.
|
|
#
?
Oct 10, 2016 22:38
|
|
|
builds character posted:legit question that needs to be answered. They're heavy and probably expensive, the likelihood of a kid breaking them is high. I have a nice beer stein that I frequently use for coffee and water though, so yeah, if it's your stein go nuts, but I wouldn't let my nephew use it.
|
|
#
?
Oct 11, 2016 14:48
|
|
|
MisterBibs posted:The kid we babysit noticed a bunch of shot glasses we had drying on the counter, and asked "Why do you have baby glasses?" Last week, I went out to eat with my kids, and the 9yo was finished first and got bored. He sighed, "I just can't wait till I can go home, take my shirt off, and watch some YouTube." Apparently my child is a 30-something neckbeard.
|
|
#
?
Oct 11, 2016 16:10
|
|
|
pookel posted:Last week, I went out to eat with my kids, and the 9yo was finished first and got bored. He sighed, "I just can't wait till I can go home, take my shirt off, and watch some YouTube." Couple months ago we were out with a nephew and his parents, and he spent all of dinner watching minecraft LPers. And he didn't want to go get ice cream because he wanted to play minecraft on my computer. Due to various allergies he'd never had real good ice cream, but we took him to a place with legit vegan ice cream, and he learned the folly of his ways
|
|
#
?
Oct 11, 2016 16:16
|
|
|
My three-year-old niece told me recently that when she grows up, she would like to be a schoolbus.
|
|
#
?
Oct 20, 2016 15:51
|
|
|
A Spider Covets posted:My three-year-old niece told me recently that when she grows up, she would like to be a schoolbus. Please teach her to say, in the fiercest way possible, " VROOM VROOM, MOTHER FUCKER!" Then record it and post it here. Please and thank you.
|
|
#
?
Oct 20, 2016 16:48
|
|
|
My daughter has a guitar and likes to make up songs to sing. She decided to sing about her 2-year-old brother. I've transcribed the lyrics. "OHHHH, why does my brother take boogies out of his nose? They're disgusting, oh yeeaaaahhh. That's why 'Brother! Stop it!' You say 'Brother! Stop it!' 'Brother! Stop it!' Oohhhhh that's disgusting brother, oh yeaaahhh It. Is. DIS. GUS. TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING." Brother: *claps* "Yaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!" 
|
|
#
?
Oct 20, 2016 17:35
|
|
|
U-DO Burger posted:My daughter has a guitar and likes to make up songs to sing. She decided to sing about her 2-year-old brother. I've transcribed the lyrics. It's the yay that sells this one for me 
|
|
#
?
Oct 20, 2016 21:09
|
|
|
quote 1 (colors are hard edition): me (pointing to something in a book): "what color is this?" 2.5 year old: "three" quote 2 (what the loving am I doing edition): 4 year old, screaming to 2.5 year old in the bath tub, while spreading her butt cheeks: "PUT IT MY ANUS!"
|
|
#
?
Oct 30, 2016 07:02
|
|
|
A Spider Covets posted:My three-year-old niece told me recently that when she grows up, she would like to be a schoolbus. I've determined that one of the kids I work with, age 7, wants to be either a fireman or a dachshund. Same place of work, a younger boy brutally owned me by telling me that I must be the oldest of the staff and volunteers because "[my] belly is the fattest." Dr Snofeld has a new favorite as of 12:01 on Oct 30, 2016 |
|
#
?
Oct 30, 2016 11:58
|
|
|
Saw this one in my facebook memories, from the day after Hurricane Sandy: "Hey Avery, did it get windy at your house yesterday?" "Yeah, we had like... a HUNDRED winds!"
|
|
#
?
Oct 30, 2016 13:44
|
|
|
I work in a kindergarten. A couple of days ago two little girls, one two years old and one not quite two yet, got into a heated argument because one of them exclaimed "Mommy and daddy come get [her name]". This didn't sit well with the other girl who knew for a fact that mommy and daddy were going to come get her and since there could only be one mommy and daddy the other girl was lying so she pointed at her self and said "No! Mommy, daddy! Car! Mommy, daddy!". This went back and forth for quite a while.
|
|
#
?
Oct 30, 2016 15:18
|
|
|
Practicing idioms: STUDENT 1: "Why are you so blue?" STUDENT 2: *going off-script*  "BECAUSE I'M AVATAR!" Also, out of NOWHERE, one of my kids just ran up to me and shouted, "FLETA! I WANNA TOUCH YOUR BOOB!" and ran away. She's fifteen. My boss was right there. Also, why only one? e: This doesn't exactly go here, but it's amusing nonetheless. Our office overlooks the kindergarten and they have super-loud speakers. Usually, they play a horrible selection of whining, repetitive kids' songs, but today they are playing a wonderful Halloween playlist that consists of a Marilyn Manson cover of This Is Halloween, the Phantom of the Opera, various clips from the Luigi's Mansion soundtrack...and Superfreak. Lots and lots of Superfreak. I have heard Superfreak at least seven times today. I don't know if it's less appropriate for school or for Halloween, but I am considering going over and socking all of the teachers right in the clam for making such a lovely playlist. Fleta Mcgurn has a new favorite as of 08:37 on Oct 31, 2016 |
|
#
?
Oct 31, 2016 08:33
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 15, 2024 20:24 |
|
|
From a friend of mine: "[Child] didn't want to blow his nose so he ripped the tissue in half and told me he couldn't do it because the tissue is "broken.""
|
|
#
?
Oct 31, 2016 14:03
|
|
