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Jastiger posted:Its ok to get your rocks off (cheat) with a Fleshlight or something, but if its inside another attractive person that is WAY different! Yes, women are equivalent to a fleshlight
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Aug 25, 2016 15:30
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stop posting jastiger
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Aug 25, 2016 16:20
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Lmao y'all talking like old goon has a chance with a hot 20-something coworker. Keep dreaming.
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Aug 25, 2016 16:20
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God Of Paradise posted:The first few months with a partner, nothing's better. The first time with a partner doesn't count because it's usually awkward and stressful... After that it's well better than Mass Effect 3 but not as good as Mass Effect 2. Sex is about as good as the first Mass Effect. I understand now
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Aug 25, 2016 16:25
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Jastiger posted:Its ok to get your rocks off (cheat) with a Fleshlight or something, but if its inside another attractive person that is WAY different! pushing the gimmick too far, bruh
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Aug 25, 2016 17:23
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Drunken Baker posted:I'm also distraught that we now know a lot of these are faked and sent in by one goon. WE TRUSTED YOU! There are people who thought all/most of these were true? I guess it's not surprising because there were people in threads like those 50 foot ant ones about nazi ghosts and poo poo that believed him, but especially the ones that are like "I'm super badass mysterious and i'm basically a psycopath+serial killer i'm so scary and not a boring unemployed guy who never leaves home" and the alien-related ones have always been obviously fake.
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Aug 25, 2016 17:37
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KomodoWagon posted:Have you considered staying true to your wife? Contrary to what other goons might have you believe, it is possible to function without jamming your dick into vaginas. Do not tell your wife about your crush, do your best to avoid socially associating with your coworker, and just stop thinking your life and mind will unravel if you don't put the meat stick in the coveted moisture hole. Hell, if you want, you can even jack off once in a while! Yeah! Just suck it up and remain monogamous to that woman who won't gently caress you, confessor! You made a commitment dammit! Just suppress any and all feelings of temptation for the next few decades, it'll work out great 
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Aug 25, 2016 17:45
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10/10 username+post combo
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Aug 25, 2016 17:49
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There is one sure fire way for him to both have sex with the 20 year old and not cheat on his wife. Maybe he should consider a murder/kidnapping? Literally nothing could go wrong with that plan.
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Aug 25, 2016 17:51
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Solice Kirsk posted:There is one sure fire way for him to both have sex with the 20 year old and not cheat on his wife. Maybe he should consider a murder/kidnapping? Literally nothing could go wrong with that plan. grow a  mustache and goatee combo and insist you are the evil twin
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Aug 25, 2016 17:59
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Listen, explain to your wife that you absolutely need sex right now, let her get defensive and turn it into a huge fight. Maybe get a little rapey about it. Then get really drunk, call the 20 year old at 3 a.m. and creep her out, show up to work next day just so HR can fire you, before losing whatever dignity you had left in the subsequent divorce. That's a much better idea than buying a fleshlight and a copy of No Man's Sky.
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Aug 25, 2016 18:11
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Sex might not be a human right but neither is marriage If "I would like to have sex at least once in the final 35 years of my life" is an unreasonable request then I guess I'm unreasonable
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Aug 25, 2016 18:13
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quote:When I was nine or so, on holiday with my family, we stopped in a rathole in New Zealand called Taihape so I could have a piss. This was long before public toilets won architecture awards, and this place was rank. Also, there was a glory hole cut through to the next stall and some motherfucker stuck his dick through it. quote:I'm 100% sure he killed her and that it wasn't a suicide. He's smart. He could have easily staged everything. And the moments leading up to it didn't make any sense. But he is well connected. He is untouchable. She agreed to finally come home and leave that rear end in a top hat. And now shes dead.
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Aug 25, 2016 18:23
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secretly i get boners over lighting my neighbours children on fire in front of them before finishing them off the same 
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Aug 25, 2016 18:25
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Jastiger posted:Its ok to get your rocks off (cheat) with a Fleshlight or something, but if its inside another attractive person that is WAY different! I know you're a broke-brain Goon but masturbating isn't cheating and you're an imbecile for thinking otherwise. Edit: gently caress, I left the page open too long but my point still stands.
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Aug 25, 2016 18:39
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Masturbating is 100% a true betrayal of your significant other. Your ejaculate should be solely reserved for your partners mouth and/or butt and/or other interesting holes on their person
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Aug 25, 2016 19:02
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okay lord fondle roy whatever u say
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Aug 25, 2016 19:03
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Zzulu posted:Masturbating is 100% a true betrayal of your significant other. Your ejaculate should be solely reserved for your partners mouth and/or butt and/or other interesting holes on their person Thank you for speaking sense. Inzombiac posted:I know you're a broke-brain Goon but masturbating isn't cheating and you're an imbecile for thinking otherwise. It was obviously a hyperbolic post, but the point i was making fun of was the goons saying he should just masturbate if he wants to get off. No its not just about getting his rocks off, its the intimacy of another person he wants. The solution to your spouse not putting out isn't "Get a fleshlight/Hitachi", its a lot more complicated than that.
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Aug 25, 2016 19:06
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I kinda feel like we had this masturbation is cheating argument in the r/relationships thread.
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Aug 25, 2016 19:09
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Zzulu posted:Masturbating is 100% a true betrayal of your significant other. Your ejaculate should be solely reserved for your partners mouth and/or butt and/or other interesting holes on their person I mean, it could be an issue in the case of a partner refusing to have sex but still jerking off by themselves all the time. A year without sex is a long time, not just without sex but without even apparently addressing the issue. Talking about it can allow both partners to save face with what they plan to do.
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Aug 25, 2016 19:10
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Unilaterally ending your partner's sex life because you're not interested in it anymore? Yeah, that's extremely my poo poo
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Aug 25, 2016 19:18
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During menopause the vagina literally atrophies, which can make sex super painful for a lot of reasons. Obviously the current situation isn't tenable and they're going to have to talk, but there's a good chance she has solid reasons and not whims.
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Aug 25, 2016 19:35
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i like nice words
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"Do you take this woman to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part?" "ya as long as the pussy game ridiculous"
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Aug 25, 2016 20:34
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jastiger puts so little effort into his trolls its amazing how many people fall for them
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Aug 25, 2016 20:58
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To the goon that finds that lady at his work hot or thinks she's attracted to you. She probably thinks of you like a father figure if she's half your age.
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Aug 25, 2016 21:26
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Poodge posted:To the goon that finds that lady at his work hot or thinks she's attracted to you. I have some distressing news about what some girls are into.
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Aug 25, 2016 21:28
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gigawhite posted:I have some distressing news about what some girls are into. i heard it was  sex.
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Aug 25, 2016 21:28
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gigawhite posted:I have some distressing news about what some girls are into. I know what some girls are into but I feel if she isn't making gestures basically being like, " Oh babei lets make a nice fugg. " Then she could just be looking for advice? But that's just my personal opinion and view.
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Aug 25, 2016 21:44
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Poodge posted:" Oh babei lets make a nice fugg. " That's actually my personal opinion and view as well
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Aug 25, 2016 21:51
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Saw an Indian ghost kid goon: You should bring him some candy. He'd appreciate that, I'm sure. Some of my relatives are into Voodoo and they give gifts of cigarettes and booze to spirits/demons/ghosts all the time, but I don't think that would be appropriate for a kid ghost. I am 100% serious.
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Aug 25, 2016 21:59
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KomodoWagon posted:Have you considered staying true to your wife? Contrary to what other goons might have you believe, it is possible to function without jamming your dick into vaginas. Do not tell your wife about your crush, do your best to avoid socially associating with your coworker, and just stop thinking your life and mind will unravel if you don't put the meat stick in the coveted moisture hole. Hell, if you want, you can even jack off once in a while! I see why you earned yourself some quality red text cause you stupid
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Aug 25, 2016 22:11
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Indian Ghost dude: that's not a ghost, that's a phantasm. Basically, the intensity of what happened released so much energy that it imprinted on that spot and now people who are sensitive to that poo poo can see it happening over and over again. You can test it by going back and trying to talk to the kid but if he turns and runs to the same place and jumps over the same rock and his braid flips up in the air the same way again then yeah, not an intelligent spirit
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Aug 25, 2016 22:39
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loquacius posted:(seriously where are you getting the idea that marriages can only be ended over human-rights violations Probably the Pope.
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Aug 25, 2016 22:47
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Mr. 47 posted:Probably the Pope. 
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Aug 25, 2016 22:48
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I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a certain level of physical intimacy in a relationship. If she's not up for that any longer, and she's unwilling to address it in conversation or counseling, then it might be time for him to end the marriage. It sucks, but it's not fair to him to expect him to stay in a one sided relationship forever. It is super shady to hit on a younger coworker while still married, though. That's just asking to lose all your stuff and your job at the same time.
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Aug 25, 2016 22:53
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Mr. 47 posted:Probably the Pope. 
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Aug 25, 2016 22:58
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i am glad pat cheated on angela the whole time and probably still does and i am glad pat cheated on jen the whole time and probably still does
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Aug 25, 2016 23:00
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Reminder that even the pope would annul a marriage on the basis of absence of sex Just reversed in time
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Aug 25, 2016 23:13
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kaschei posted:Reminder that even the pope would annul a marriage on the basis of absence of sex And if the pope doesn't then our brave goon can just start his own religion, name himself the head of that new religion, and grant himself the divorce. Sure it would take a little longer, but it is another tried and true option. Really, the options are endless and the benefits are boundless.
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Aug 25, 2016 23:15
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Solice Kirsk posted:And if the pope doesn't then our brave goon can just start his own religion, name himself the head of that new religion, and grant himself the divorce. Sure it would take a little longer, but it is another tried and true option. Really, the options are endless and the benefits are boundless. Pretty sure he still needs Parliament's approval for that.
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Aug 26, 2016 01:20
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