DoctorStrangelove posted:

I feel like I would really enjoy being a professional dog assassin.

Jose posted:

there is/was someone killing cats in an area of london. they were up to like 50 when i saw the story

edit: just looked and its over 100 now https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2016/apr/23/croydon-cat-killer-mystery-100-animal-deaths

quote:

So I'm one of those weird porn addicts that has gone so far down the rabbit hole that poo poo doesn't get me off unless it's kinda specific. However, since I came out as bisexual I have not only swallowed a lot of dicks and gotten engaged, but I feel like I'm not... a dude. I don't feel like I'm a woman, but I don't feel like I want to be a man either. To deal with this I've done the logical thing, that is, get engaged to someone who is so emotionally damaged that she won't stick her tongue in my mouth (yeah sex is cool, but no tongue) but she also will get PISSED at me for getting turned on. I told her Sunday that sometimes I feel like I'm a woman and she still hasn't talked to me.
To counter-act THIS, I started playing on an MMO furry game and have jacked off three times in the last 24 hours.

Solice Kirsk posted:

This is what happens when you try to slap labels on everything. I'm a straight guy that's attracted to women with dark hair and blue eyes. I'm a special snow flake. They don't make many of me.

Hopper posted:

I am guy and I really enjoy cooking and don't watch soccer or any other sport

Jose posted:

Hopper posted:

I am guy

Solice Kirsk posted:

Huh, didn't know a sexual relationship could exist with out French kissing. It's the first drat base!

Dirk Squarejaw posted:

Sounds like being in a relationship with a hooker. I don't care if you rail my rear end, but NO KISSING!

H.H posted:

H.H posted:

I told her Sunday that sometimes I feel like I'm a woman and she still hasn't talked to me.

Solice Kirsk posted:

This is what happens when you try to slap labels on everything. I'm a straight guy that's attracted to women with dark hair and blue eyes. I'm a special snow flake. They don't make many of me.

H.H posted:

H.H posted:

quote:

When I was a kid I first started masturbating in the bath while washing my penis, and now I associate the smell of soap with sex. It's almost impossible for me to maintain an erection unless I can smell an unscented bar of soap.

quote:

As a high school freshman, I got deep into the kind of "red pilled", men going their own way, misogynistic crap you read about online and laugh about.

I'm not the first lonely guy that did, and I'm not the last. The problem is I got some REALLY screwed up views on women and acted them out one time. I spent time in therapy for it, but my rich parents covered it up, and I never faced jail time that I definitely should have. Anyway...

I had this major crush on a girl in my Earth Science class, even when I was like "gently caress women, men need to take control again!". I asked her out and she (in hindsight) really politely told me know. I got pissed off, called her a oval office in front of her friends, and then waited after school. I saw the bus she got on. I still remember - Bus 34.

I followed behind the procession of buses on my bike, like I always did. But this time, I made sure to watch bus 34. I stayed safely behind it, but followed it. It pulled into a nice little planned neighborhood, and I got off my bike. I parked it on a stop sign, then casually strolled in to the neighborhood. I found her getting dropped off along with a bunch of other kids. I hung back, and watched her walk in to her house.

I watched her all that night, no way around it. I hadn't yet started masturbating, but I sat at those windows with my hard cock and a weird feeling in my stomach. My parents didn't notice or care that I didn't come home that night, I was always a disappointment to them. In the morning, my crush left for the bus, followed shortly by her parents going to work.

I kicked down the front door and made my way in there. You probably know where this is going. I stole a bunch of my crush's panties, along with a bunch from her mother. I also grabbed a massive vibrator that was in her parent's room. Hopefully her mom's, but I guess you never know. To make it look like a robbery, I pulled out a bunch of drawers, tossed things about, and knocked over the TV.

A neighbor caught me in the act. Sucking on the vibrator like a popsicle, panties on my head like a mask, and a massive erection protruding from my pants.

I should have gone to jail, like I said. But mom and dad took care of that. I went to therapy and I'm supposed to be okay.

But that said, I still think about this moment quite a bit. Every time I do, I jack off. I'm also still a virgin at age 26, probably related.

H.H posted:

H.H posted:

quote:

I'm also still a virgin at age 26, probably related.

Motherfucker posted:

hey first guy bet you don't feel bad as second guy huh??

I mean soapy dilz is probably way better than dildo Popsicle

quote:

What up bitches, Daughetr of Pissbitch here again. I meant to send this a few days ago but I been busy. My fiance returned the day after I sent my last vconfession (and NO, I didn't tell him "I want to gently caress my boss" it was more like "I've been kind of distant lately because I've found myself attracted to women for the first time in my life and it's kindof throwing me off). We had some great sex that night, he had me whsipering in his ear about my fantasies about women. I left out my bossand the whole piss fetish thing.

It seems like now that's almost all he wants when we gently caress though? Like he wants me to watch girl-ongirl videos while he eats me out, or get primed by watchnig videos of girls I think are hot? Idk. He's back and I love him madly. I just hope we can be "us" again and not have to rely on me talking about how I'd gently caress Stoya or whatevs.

loquacius posted:

I'm gonna be that guy and say popsicle dildo confession doesn't pass the smell test for me, it's too timely what with the Brock Turner thing being in the news again

plus how could a neighbor catch him in the act, was he doing it outside or what

brotato posted:

Okay soap fetish guy humor me for a minute. I have no sense of smell so maybe I'm ignorant but: wouldn't an unscented bar of soap... have no scent????

KomodoWagon posted:

Unscented means no smells have been added to the soap. Unscented soap smells like soap. If you want an approximation of what this is like you could try hitting your local dive bar and licking the hand soap in their bathroom.