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Writer Cath
Apr 1, 2007

Box. Flipped.
Plaster Town Cop

Railing Kill posted:

I love stuff like this. As effective a tool as it is, the Pathfinder equipment book lacks a lot of fun, dumb stuff. I found myself making up more and more stuff on my own for our comic Pathfinder game. I would still use the equipment guide to generate combat poo poo, and to chase that ever-elusive "Vorpal Sword of Mercy." (I could have just handed one out to the group without randomly generating it, but that takes all the fun out of it. I felt like I had to earn it.) But the fun stuff always comes from home-brewed items.

I completely agree. So far as offensive and defensive weapons go, Pathfinder is fine, but for items with some color and flair, it's rather boring.

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penus de milo
Mar 9, 2002

CHAR CHAR
Since we're discussing magic items, I also am a new DM and for my first campaign I wanted to give my players something unique to their characters that they could play with and not break the game too badly. Having saved the day for some rich artificers in session 1, each of them got an item as a reward:

The bird-loving ranger got a Ring of Bird Conversing. She can chat to birds freely, but mostly all they want to do is say "hi!" or ask if you've got any bread on you.
The driven, dastardly warlock got a Dagger of Powerful Insight, which pulses whenever powerful entities are nearby or mentioned.
The fame-seeking bard got a Silver Tuning Fork that when struck allows her to play any song known by anybody around her.
The conceited noble sorcerer got a Chalice of Unburdened Celebration, which when used gives him advantage on charisma rolls against members of high society who think he is "such a card!", but disadvantage against commoners who think he's a posh drunken oaf.
The no-nonsense cleric got a Pencil of Assumed Authority which, when placed behind the ear, gives the user advantage on all charisma checks to do with appearing to be "in charge" of something or looking like you know what you're doing.

Also, while I'm here, a snippet from our most recent session that I enjoyed quite a lot:

Our party have been hiding in the corner of a goblin cave waiting to make their move. As they step out into the room, the bugbear in charge of the cave turns around and yells "Who the hell are you?! What are you doing here!?". The bard produces her ukelele and replies "We came here to dance!", then rolls a stone cold 1 on her Performance check.

...

"Get them!" yells the bugbear to his nearby goblin allies.

A bloody battle ensues in which the bugbear and goblins are horrendously murdered, but the warlock is left badly wounded and tries to flee. The last remaining goblin firing wildly at him is too busy trying to make a kill to notice the bard walking up behind him. She gets a natural 20 on her attack roll and almost twice the goblin's max HP on her damage roll. Raising the axe above her head, her eyes narrow and she yells "I said we came here to DANCE!", bringing the axe down and splitting him like a log.

Wrestlepig
Feb 25, 2011

my mum says im cool

Toilet Rascal
You'll need to be careful with fun magic items because often the boring +1s are part of the maths, so the goofy creativity doesn't get stopped by Dark Knights ignoring your sword and laughing off the cockring of infinite piss or whatever.

Yawgmoth
Sep 10, 2003

This post is cursed!

chaos rhames posted:

You'll need to be careful with fun magic items because often the boring +1s are part of the maths, so the goofy creativity doesn't get stopped by Dark Knights ignoring your sword and laughing off the cockring of infinite piss or whatever.
That's why I just make the stupid +1s an inherent part of leveling up and then I give you all the stupid poo poo I want.

Otherkinsey Scale
Jul 17, 2012

Just a little bit of sunshine!

penus de milo posted:

The driven, dastardly warlock got a Dagger of Powerful Insight, which pulses whenever powerful entities are nearby or mentioned.

I really like the potential of this pulsing when someone mentions a completely innocuous-seeming NPC.

Militant Lesbian
Oct 3, 2002

chaos rhames posted:

You'll need to be careful with fun magic items because often the boring +1s are part of the maths, so the goofy creativity doesn't get stopped by Dark Knights ignoring your sword and laughing off the cockring of infinite piss or whatever.

That's one of the worst flaws with most versions of D&D and derivatives.

I hate games where monsters basically end up being piņatas you need to hit to get the candy magic items required for the next level, instead of magic items being special and unique, but never required for progress.

Tendales
Mar 9, 2012
In yesterday's Gamma World game, I was feeling too lazy to stat up any combat encounters, so I just asspulled some skill challenge stuff.

Context:
Currently in the game, the PC's hometown is gearing up for the big Shakespeare festival, and people from all over the west coast are pouring in to town. (The showpiece of the festival will be a stage performance of the finest known work of Ancient literature, 'Beyond Thunderdome.' (Shakespeare is just the name of the guy that owns the theater and his gang)) For the past few sessions, rumors have been surfacing that the Travelling Dinosaur Show will be making an appearance, and this session they finally arrived in the form of a mysterious 18-wheeler. They got in late at night and started the hype spiel, but kept the dinosaurs hidden away in the trailer. Unfortunately, the Shakespeares' rival gang, the Postmen, decided to stir up trouble by breaking the locks on the trailer and letting all the velociraptors out.

The players, of course, were entreated to round up the raptors. Some ran off into the woods, some ran into the busy festival. The dinosaur wrangler assured them that velociraptors aren't REALLY dangerous they're just startled by all the loud noises and excited and lost, please don't hurt my babies.

They tracked down the first of the raptors that had made its way to the pastures on the edge of town and was terrorizing the sheep. One of the PCs stumbled around in the dark before saying that's he's totally heard that velociraptors are attracted to bright lights, so he turned on his (blindingly bright) Omega Tech Eternalight, and found himself face to face with one of these:


So for the next few hours, the players were running all over the damned place, trying to corral and capture some overstimulated fancy breed show velociraptors.

The highlight was probably the raptor that found its way onstage at the rock show. Someone asked what band was playing, and I mumbled something about some random band that's tagging along with the dinosaur show.
:v: The Tagalongs?
:shrug: Sure, they're a bunch of girl scouts playing death metal.

So, naturally, when the raptor got on stage, the players had to intervene quickly before the lead singer tried to bite its head off.

Shady Amish Terror
Oct 11, 2007
I'm not Amish by choice. 8(
~fancy raptors~

I'm so glad someone figured out how to work those into their game somehow.

Bieeanshee
Aug 21, 2000

Not keen on keening.


Grimey Drawer
My character sewed a replica of one as a Christmas present for Regina, the were-JPraptor, in the last iteration of Ms. Frost's School for Wayward Girls here on the forums, which I don't think counts. But I love those wokking and wooing little murderpigeons.

LuiCypher
Apr 24, 2010

Today I'm... amped up!

So my wife and I just went to a local gaming convention today and we signed up for an RPG session well in advance and communicated with the GM via email before today. We came separately, but I arrived half an hour before the session so I decided to get lunch. I went to a Cosi, which is fast-casual place in my area, thinking I would be able to get it in time. Both of us would need the food because otherwise, we wouldn't be eating any food until 5:00pm or later.

Turns out, there's only two places open out of six on the weekend in the convention hotel, and no other quick food options that I would be able to get to on time. This means, of course, that the Cosi is totally log-jammed and they weren't taking any orders for 10-15 minutes. I am stuck in the line, and then I am stuck waiting for food.

My wife gets to the area where the convention is just in time to make it to the session to let the GM know we'll be running a little late. I'm stuck in limbo around when the session starts, because I've already ordered the food but it is taking absolutely forever for them to get it ready. Unfortunately, my wife gets delyaed - we don't manage to meet up until 5-7 minutes after the session is scheduled to start. I'm stressed out to the nines over being late, and the absolutely horrible service at the Cosi has pushed me to my breaking point in stress levels. My wife takes the food, and I go to let the GM know that we are here and ready to play.

I arrive at the session. The GM feels bad, because he's already given my wife and I's seats up. I'm really angry, because although I'm late I didn't think we were that late. Nevertheless, I don't want to push the issue - we were late. I exude a little cat-piss, say "gently caress it. OK." and I leave. My mood is positively sour at this point.

My wife is a real champion though. I've been wanting to play this RPG with her for a while now, but now I'm absolutely devastated and I want to do nothing more than to leave and demand my money back for the convention. She consoles me, and says that she'll go in and play ignorant and talk to the GM.

She goes in, acknowledges that we are late, and asks the GM what we can do to still participate. The GM doesn't have any more sheets, but nevertheless suggests that we all play a character together with one of the other players. One of the players who took our seats is extremely gracious and offers to vacate it for us, suggesting that my wife and I can just play the same character together. My wife demurs a bit, but he gets up and offers the seat.

Meanwhile, this one guy sitting there decides to speak up and says "Can we move this along? You're wasting my time." to both my wife and the GM.

The GM is confused, and states that because we signed up for the event then he has to talk to her.

Then the guy says "Look, you were late. You should've gotten here on time. Even if they take that guy's seat, we're going to have to go over the rules explanation all over again and we're going to waste even more of my time"

My wife tells our story. She got lost getting here, there weren't any signs leading her to the convention, she had just biked an hour and half across town to get there from a prior commitment.

The guy states "Late is late. You got here late. I don't care if your baby is on fire. You can't be late. Stop wasting my time. The more you talk about this, the more you're wasting my time."

The GM intervenes. "What is on time really? They weren't that late."

The guy states "On time is 15 minute early".

The GM says "I wasn't even here 15 minutes early, so yeah... what does that say?"

The guy hits his breaking point. "I'm done with this." and then he leaves.

This exchange takes place over 10-15 minutes, mostly extended by the guy complaining about my wife wasting his time.


In the end though, my wife and I got the play together and nobody had to play with this guy. However, playing this game exhausted both of us simply because of how this guy treated my wife when we were both already exhausted and stressed-out because of a perfect comedy of errors. We really appreciate the guy who gave up the seat that he got because we were late - that dude was pretty sweet, and it was drat decent of him. The GM really handled everything well and the rest of the players were really chill and accommodating about the whole situation.

I also made sure to apologize to everyone about my earlier flare-up, too.

LuiCypher fucked around with this message at 01:53 on Sep 11, 2016

Yawgmoth
Sep 10, 2003

This post is cursed!

LuiCypher posted:

The guy states "On time is 15 minute early".
Ahahaha gently caress that dude for being poo poo in general but gently caress him extra hard for this especially. If you want people to show up 15 minutes early you schedule poo poo 15 minutes earlier.

Kibner
Oct 21, 2008

Acguy Supremacy

Yawgmoth posted:

Ahahaha gently caress that dude for being poo poo in general but gently caress him extra hard for this especially. If you want people to show up 15 minutes early you schedule poo poo 15 minutes earlier.

That is my personal policy (15 minutes early is "on time") for when I show up to things, but when I am the one doing the scheduling, I plan for people arriving 15 minutes after the scheduled time.

Obviously, that guy has a different opinion. :v:

JustJeff88
Jan 15, 2008

I AM
CONSISTENTLY
ANNOYING
...
JUST TERRIBLE


THIS BADGE OF SHAME IS WORTH 0.45 DOUBLE DRAGON ADVANCES

:dogout:
of SA-Mart forever

Kibner posted:

That is my personal policy (15 minutes early is "on time") for when I show up to things, but when I am the one doing the scheduling, I plan for people arriving 15 minutes after the scheduled time.

Obviously, that guy has a different opinion. :v:

Same here. I try to be at least 10 minutes early to everything, but I always assume that everyone else will be late. That said, I'm a college professor and I'm very strict on punctuality with my students. If you give them a minute, they'll take 10.

SpiritOfLenin
Apr 29, 2013

be happy :3


The last couple of sessions of my DH 2nd edition campaign have been fairly memorable:

Two weeks ago, the party was bumbling around in some forgotten, partially flooded underground pre-Fall Eldar ruins when they noticed the campaign's primary bad guy faction doing some excavations there. They decide that they need to sneak around there to figure out something about what the bad guys are doing there, and decide that they could use a distraction/slash stealthy approach to muck around in tents and such. The party psyker remembers he has powers with which he can control animal life, and the party has seem something swimming around in the water - the so-called Aventinian Legsharks, sharks that have legs. The psyker commandeers one of them, and the group try to cross a stretch of water separating them and the island where the base is. I make everyone roll some tests to figure out whether they are stealthy enough&can stay on the shark, and everyone succeeds, except for one guy.

The Psyker, obviously. So he plummets down into the water, starts screaming and otherwise being in all sorts of trouble, while the landshark he controlled stops on the beach, waiting further instructions/food. To make matters worse, another shark starts attempting to attack the Psyker. Meanwhile, the rest of the party seek cover and notice a minor recurring villain looking around confusedly, trying to figure out what the gently caress is going on. The party attempts to sic the original shark on him, and eventually sorta kinda succeed, even if the bad guy ends up jumping out of the way of a charging, homicidial, confused landshark. It was feeling a mix of confusing emotions as the psyker's control over it broke when the psyker managed to (after getting slightly bitten) psychically dominate the creature, and he even managed to somewhat properly order it to take him to the beach without biting. So the shark just continually headbutted him until he landed on the shore, badly bruised and beaten, but alive. The Psyker did try to order the shark to "paint the walls with blood", but the shark couldn't understand the command, got confused, got angry that it was confused, frenzied and just charged in to the big mess that the other shark was currently making of a random assortment of cultists and mercenaries. One thing led to another, and soon the party was scrambling through a hostile encampment in total chaos, grabbing as many vaguely important seeming items as they could (including the data slate of a rogue Inquisitor), dodging gunfire, explosions, radiation bombs and all sorts of nasty stuff. Everyone was mostly okay at the end, even if the party's priest got slightly disintegrated (he got better).

Then, last week when the party is attending an important meeting in a Mechanicus affiliated noble's mansion where the planetary government is trying to figure out how to handle the current crisis on the planet (Orks, Chaos cults and other assorted fun things), the Psyker and the Priest manage to pretty much ruin their reputations and gently caress over any chance of talking to the planetary governor.
- The Psyker acts highly suspiciously, and gets nabbed by the guards
- The Psyker gets interrogated, and after being injected with some harmless solution and being told its truth serum, he tells the guards that he's from the Inquisition, that there "could be" demons somewhere in the building, and generally speaking cocks up the situation
- Meanwhile, the Priest and the Sororita of the party are attending the actual meeting elsewhere in the mansion, and while initially the Priest manages to give good advice to the meeting while keeping his cover, he ends up suffering from drug withdrawal symptoms
- he promptly goes off the rails and starts talking about insane sounding conspiracy theories (that are all true, but babbling madly doesn't help all that much), managing to discredit himself completely, especially as he loses his consciousness at the end of it.'

The party also starts spreading all sorts of rumors among the lesser hangerons, inadvertently thwarting some of the bad guys plans when everyone is now so paranoid with rumors of Inquisitorial agents, demons and worse running around. Next session is going to be interesting with everything being in total chaos, and the bad guys are going to have to start improvising now when the initial plan of "poison the after meeting dinner with Frenzon and let nature take its course" can't succeed with everyone having heard that something in the dinner is poisoned, even if no rumor agrees on what part of it is.

Whybird
Aug 2, 2009

Phaiston have long avoided the tightly competetive defence sector, but the IRDA Act 2052 has given us the freedom we need to bring out something really special.

https://team-robostar.itch.io/robostar


Nap Ghost

Writer Cath posted:

Gunthrack's Cornucopia

It was one of my players who first drew this. She'll be seriously stoked that her magical items are being used in games!

Robindaybird
Aug 21, 2007

Neat. Sweet. Petite.

This is making me dig up an itemized list of magic items I created for an rpg group I co-run.

One of them was a crystal that basically acted like a laser sight - that someone mounted on a blow gun of all things, an oil lamp made from Cat's eye that grants illumination only to the user, and a quartz lens that detects parasites - fun stuff that I thought players would find a use for.

Whybird
Aug 2, 2009

Phaiston have long avoided the tightly competetive defence sector, but the IRDA Act 2052 has given us the freedom we need to bring out something really special.

https://team-robostar.itch.io/robostar


Nap Ghost
She asks if your player's Cornucopia has a 'bees' setting, because ours totally did.

And since this is the Notable Gaming Experiences thread, I probably should elaborate.

The way it worked, when they got hold of it, was that they could roll during combat to try and find a new setting. There was a list of adjectives that could apply: "sticky", "burning", "bouncing", "hallucinogenic", "bees", and so forth.

If the roll was good, the player could just pick two adjectives from the list. A middling roll, and the player picked one but the GM picked the other.

On a bad roll, the GM secretly picked both, wrote the result down, and only revealed it when they fired it.

Otherkinsey Scale
Jul 17, 2012

Just a little bit of sunshine!

Whybird posted:

She asks if your player's Cornucopia has a 'bees' setting, because ours totally did.

And since this is the Notable Gaming Experiences thread, I probably should elaborate.

The way it worked, when they got hold of it, was that they could roll during combat to try and find a new setting. There was a list of adjectives that could apply: "sticky", "burning", "bouncing", "hallucinogenic", "bees", and so forth.

If the roll was good, the player could just pick two adjectives from the list. A middling roll, and the player picked one but the GM picked the other.

On a bad roll, the GM secretly picked both, wrote the result down, and only revealed it when they fired it.

Oh man, can you elaborate more? I want to hear some stories of this in action.

Skellybones
May 31, 2011




Fun Shoe
Hallucinogenic bee cornucopia?

Tunicate
May 15, 2012

Carrasco posted:

Oh man, can you elaborate more? I want to hear some stories of this in action.

Xenophon posted:

After accomplishing the ascent the Greeks took up quarters in numerous villages, which contained provisions in abundance. Now for the most part there was nothing here which they really found strange; but the swarms of bees in the neighbourhood were numerous, and the soldiers who ate of the honey all went off their heads, and suffered from vomiting and diarrhoea, and not one of them could stand up, but those who had eaten a little were like people exceedingly drunk, while those who had eaten a great deal seemed like crazy, or even, in some cases, dying men. So they lay there in great numbers as though the army had suffered a defeat, and great despondency prevailed. On the next day, however, no one had died, and at approximately the same hour as they had eaten the honey they began to come to their senses; and on the third or fourth day they got up, as if from a drugging.

Rigged Death Trap
Feb 13, 2012

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Skellybones posted:

Hallucinogenic bee cornucopia?

Bee honey that was made from the nectar of deadly nightshades can be hallucinogenic.


and deadly.

obviously.


[e]: oh and too much nutmeg can send a person on a 3 day long hell trip.

Rigged Death Trap fucked around with this message at 18:31 on Sep 13, 2016

Drake_263
Mar 31, 2010
This reminds me of an old scifi book series, Sector General - the titular station being an enormous floating hospital where ill sentients of all stripes (and spots) end up coming from lightyears around and, predictably, Shenanigans happen about every second Thursday.

In one of the books in the series, they end up hiring an alien chef to try and work some improvements into the (universally terrible) hospital food. Turns out the automated preprepared kitchen arrays provide nutritionally balanced and healthy food but the presentation and flavor could use some work. The chef figures he needs to order in spices and such, but thanks to politics he's not allowed to order in any.

Someone else working provisions figures out that while slipping in a 'reasonable' amount of things - like, say, a pound of nutmeg - gets flagged as an anomaly like somebody trying to filk the system for personal purchases under the hospital's bill, an unreasonable amount of whatever slips by - they assume that somebody actually is ordering things in bulk for the hospital because who the hell needs five tons of nutmeg?

They now have, among other things, five tons of nutmeg. This is enough to last them for approximately the next two and a half millenia. Which is fine, except the stuff won't last for that long. And while the new head chef is looking the other way, one of his assistants - who is happily unaware of nutmeg's more interesting side effects on certain sapients in large enough doses - figures that he'll simply dispose of the stuff by using more of it in the food. Say, oh, twenty times more? gently caress it, we're doing it live.

Approximately a week later, the whole hospital is on lockdown and the internal investigators are tearing their collective hair-equivalent out since they simply cannot control this strange virulent infection that's making all the resident humans, staff and patients, trip their balls off while the 'bug' itself is gleefully evading analysis...

Robindaybird
Aug 21, 2007

Neat. Sweet. Petite.

drat, that's the series I was looking for! I heard about it ages ago, thought it sounded neat... but completely forgot what it's called so I couldn't look it up.

Drake_263
Mar 31, 2010
It's pretty good, I think, although it kind of suffers from falling into a format as the series progresses. There's A Problem, the main character (whoever that happens to be at the time, I do like that the series switches between viewpoints frequently) makes a wild suggestion for a cause and treatment, everybody else tells them no, that can't be it, turns out they are right who would've thought ooh... it also feels the need to explain some of the things in the series again and again which is good if you pick up a random book in the series as a new reader but feels a little.. condescending, when you have things like the Diagnosticians explained for the fifth time in a row when you're reading through the whole series.

Still, it's pretty well-written and has some interesting concepts and fairly amusing moments. Well worth a read if you can get your hands on them - I think the ebooks were available for free somewhere a few years back but I have no idea where at this point, I have them as pdfs somewhere in my archive drive.

Mikedawson
Jun 21, 2013

So I've been the DM for a total of two sessions and already my PCs have solved a generic intro "defeat the bandits attacking town" quest by having the cleric hit on the leader of the bandits. They got a nat 20 on the roll, so the bandits agreed to move to the next town and have a clean start in exchange for 30 gold and if the cleric hosed the leader.

Skellybones
May 31, 2011




Fun Shoe
Now have it that the leader dies in an accident and the cleric inherits a bandit gang that refuses to leave them or disband.

HiKaizer
Feb 2, 2012

Yes!
I finally understand everything there is to know about axes!
In a friend's Princes of the Apocalypse 5e game, our party Wizard keeps hitting on and trying to seduce most cultists we come across. She was most put out when the clearly telegraphed evil water Genasi (there were lots of steam jokes) turned out to be nasty and not charming, but has now agreed to have a drinking contest with a Duergar. The party suggested we interrogate him for information, but all they did was organise a pub night!

We're in the fire cult at the moment and the wizard really likes fire magic, so I'm sure our pub night will pick up a few more participants.

Rigged Death Trap
Feb 13, 2012

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Mikedawson posted:

So I've been the DM for a total of two sessions and already my PCs have solved a generic intro "defeat the bandits attacking town" quest by having the cleric hit on the leader of the bandits. They got a nat 20 on the roll, so the bandits agreed to move to the next town and have a clean start in exchange for 30 gold and if the cleric hosed the leader.

I see they're into Bioware's ideas of sexual healing

Splicer
Oct 16, 2006

from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

Skellybones posted:

Now have it that the leader dies in an accident and the cleric inherits a bandit gang that refuses to leave them or disband.
It is incredibly important this happens. Was it a male cleric and a female bandit leader? The cleric hasn't inherited the bandit camp, his daughter has, but the charter is pretty serious about legal guardianship.

Write all this down and pull it out as a brick joke in a year or two of game time.

Kilo147
Apr 14, 2007

You remind me of the boss
What boss?
The boss with the power
What power?
The power of voodoo
Who-doo?
You do.
Do what?
Remind me of the Boss.

Back at the lovely technical college I went to there was an unnoficcial D&D group. I say unofficial because only one of them went to the school. The rest just hung out all day long. I'm pretty drat sure none of them had jobs, and how they supported their godawful habits, I'll never know.

Thank loving God my brain removed their names from the records. I'm no doubt sure their names were as hideous as they.

The first wore an old army jacket. Same model as mine, but never knowing what a good cleaning was. Parts of it looked wet, not from the sources you'd expect, but rather his shoulder long hair that dripped like jheri curls from the unwashedness. I don't think he showered in the last six months, if not more. Every now and then you'd catch a drop of filthy hair oil descend to his jacket, leaving a stain that would remain til the day he died. To top it off, he always played female characters, always made then lesbian, and absofuckinglutely used levitate spells to get upskirts on his own goddamn character.

The next around the table was the most normal of the bunch. Clean shaven and practicing proper hygiene, his only downfall was being a furry into heavy bdsm. He only let it slip a couple of times, and typically seemed...normal.

We're gonna move on the the big guy. Large enough that he wore a mumu instead of regular clothing, since nothing else would fit his gargantuan frame. You know those large novelty spoons, the oversized wooden ones that you'd typically hang on a wall? He used one of those, completely unironically, to eat cottage goddamn cheese out of a Costco sized bucket, washing it down with no less than three liters of Mountain Dew, with a family size bag of Cheetos at his side. His hearty burps smelled of a disgusting combination of cheese, both cottage and cheeto, Mountain Dew, and decomposing flesh from his rotting teeth. Cat piss is nothing compared to the smell of this atrocity.

Finally you had the GM. Wearing an old, ratty leather jacket, sporting short cut hair, and a face full of more zits than I saw through all of high school, he was the monster that allowed this group to exist. A horrible GM by any rights, he let his players control the scenario, break any rules, and allow anyone to do absolutely anything. Honestly, I don't even recall him rolling dice, except for character creation.

Because of that group, I wouldn't play a single pen and paper RPG for the next decade.

Yawgmoth
Sep 10, 2003

This post is cursed!

Kilo147 posted:

We're gonna move on the the big guy. Large enough that he wore a mumu instead of regular clothing, since nothing else would fit his gargantuan frame.


Edit to add: I wonder if he actually does:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSJQEl5vcAo

Yawgmoth fucked around with this message at 01:44 on Sep 23, 2016

Kilo147
Apr 14, 2007

You remind me of the boss
What boss?
The boss with the power
What power?
The power of voodoo
Who-doo?
You do.
Do what?
Remind me of the Boss.


This, but for real.

Golden Bee
Dec 24, 2009

I came here to chew bubblegum and quote 'They Live', and I'm... at an impasse.
Played Paranoia: High Programmers yesterday. It's basically Phone Convo, 2525; the phone was ringing all game, either incoming or outgoing.I played Jordon-U, and was accompanied by Mae-U and Wilson-U. Our job was to make our part of Alpha Complex happier and more efficient.

Unlike regular Paranoia, you're in a concrete security bunker with phone links to everyone in the sector. (If you pay access, you can acquire an organization; otherwise you just have to beg for favors.) I managed to achieve 7 of 10 majorly conflicting goals, allowing a new paperwork system to be implemented and then immediately overrided, allowing secret societies access to things they shouldn't, and supporting people to the exact extent that would meet their asks, and no more.

Our goal was to increase efficiency, discover why paperwork was down, and find out why authorized terminations had cratered.

For example, there were 7+ different phonecalls to track down why paperwork was down 96%; the drivers drove, the mill created it, the security team didn't see any errors on route....but it was eaten by bacteria. Nobody knew it was bacteria, of course, we had to call Mutant Services, then the Think Tank, and a cleaning crew. Many of these calls would end with "I'll call you back in 10 minutes", so the phone was CONSTANTLY ringing.

Wilson sent Troubleshooters get paper "by any means necessary".
Meanwhile I "took some phonecalls with my wife" in order to destroy all petbots in the sector with CODENAME: KILLBOT. I lured them to the abandoned nuclear plant for Petbot Celebration day. Unbeknownst to me, someone ELSE had the goal of getting rid of petbots, so they sent in their own troops. Meanwhile, the final player was sending troops to the NEW power plant to steal fissible materials. I didn't know that, so as a prank, I ordered 44 pounds of uranium off E-bay and had it delivered to their private residence.

Hygiene was also down so I took the liberty of constructing a line of public latrines with High Programmer Wilson-U's face on them. Unfortunately for mission "acquire paper", the troubleshooters found it in a nearby sector and stole four truckloads of it. We blew up enemy opposition but were chided by the heads of HWG sector for not having the correct paperwork.

Mae sent an assassination team after the enemy High Programmer who started a war*, declaring him a communist traitor DISGUISED as a high programmer (the last part was my idea). This got Mae assassinated when he owned up to Friend Computer that he'd ordered a hit.
It was unfortunate that we had to wipe bits of Mae off our private, high-security-clearance pizza.

The best quote came after discovering the enemy was sending a 4 story tall Warbot to our location:
"It feels good to be wanted, dead or alive."
We responded with ICBMs and they dropped even more bombs, killing everyone but us and an NPC in Paperwork Services I'd rather liked.

*It turns out another High Programmer wanted to "deploy troubleshooters at least twice", drat the consequences. Another one had to cause as much property damage as possible.

Golden Bee fucked around with this message at 01:10 on May 1, 2019

Dareon
Apr 6, 2009

by vyelkin

Golden Bee posted:

It was unfortunate that we had to wipe bits of Mae off our private, high-security-clearance pizza.

My mind suddenly flashed through the perils inherent in a pizza in Paranoia.

Pepperoni, olives, and tomato sauce is fine, but for regular Troubleshooters you're gonna be topping that poo poo with cheddar (And not good cheddar, either, I'm talking pasteurized processed cheese food product) and bullshitting your rear end off because a single slice of green pepper found its way on. High Programmers actually get mozzarella.

Agrikk
Oct 17, 2003

Take care with that! We have not fully ascertained its function, and the ticking is accelerating.

Railing Kill posted:

Dog summoning

This reminds me of an epic level campaign I played in where we had finished saving the world and all that.

Turns out that our resident epic level paladin unknowingly became bound to an item called the Horn of Heroes- blowing it summoned past heroes to fight in your side. Unfortunately said paladin became one of the heroes and we lost the horn when we fell into a chasm that ended up the abyss.

So anyways, the player running the paladin would intermittently get called away for extended periods in real life, so the GM would run one-offs for me, stating that Sir Iain just disappeared.

Me: "Dammit! Someone just blew the Horn of Heroes again, which means that I have to go find him. Again."

CobiWann
Oct 21, 2009

Have fun!


We had to fight this Grell Queen and her minions on Sunday.

IT WAS FREAKIN' PREGNANT.

penus de milo
Mar 9, 2002

CHAR CHAR
We had 3 of 5 players drop out today so the remaining group ran a generic arena combat for the first time instead.

My favourite moment was putting a tent's fabric over an Unseen Servant then having it fly around while the warlock uses Charisma rolls to feign like he's commanding a terrifying ghoul, scaring enemies into submission. I also enjoyed a Prestidigitation/Speak With Animals combo that resulted in a pack of wolves thinking my pack smelled of juicy steaks that would be a reward for working with us. That went fine until the wolves tore through an ooze in seconds and then came looking for me to find those steaks.

I'm still pretty new to D&D and I'm loving the flexibility and freedom that you get a chance to experiment with even in a zero-prep "you vs the monster manual" game.

Tunicate
May 15, 2012

CobiWann posted:

We had to fight this Grell Queen and her minions on Sunday.

IT WAS FREAKIN' PREGNANT.

So what you're saying is the ranger has a new animal companion?

froward
Jun 2, 2014

by Azathoth
my DM steamrolls over my roleplaying and even my attempts at setting up sneaky ambushes ("you guys ask for a meeting with the boss, I'll sneak in the back and then backstab him!") are foiled. I really loathe combat.

we wiped out a nest of tooth fairies and I wanted to keep all the teeth, then start a rumor in town that eating/drinking the teeth of a race would temporarily give you their powers (intending to sell them for money). The DM told me "everyone just thinks you're weird" and I didn't even roll anything :smith:

guys I am TRYING

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Lorak
Apr 7, 2009

Well, there goes the Hall of Fame...

froward posted:

my DM steamrolls over my roleplaying and even my attempts at setting up sneaky ambushes ("you guys ask for a meeting with the boss, I'll sneak in the back and then backstab him!") are foiled. I really loathe combat.

we wiped out a nest of tooth fairies and I wanted to keep all the teeth, then start a rumor in town that eating/drinking the teeth of a race would temporarily give you their powers (intending to sell them for money). The DM told me "everyone just thinks you're weird" and I didn't even roll anything :smith:

guys I am TRYING

10 Before/after session, tell the DM out of character that you want to roleplay a certain way.
20 Ask how/if your roleplay can fit into his campaign.
30 If 10 does not fit with 20, GOTO 50
40 GOTO 10
50 Find a new group.
60 GOTO 10

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