Army Thread - These people already don't give a fuck about me - The Something Awful Forums

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The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Internet VFW > Army Thread - These people already don't give a fuck about me

Soulex: Apr 1, 2009; Cacati in mano e pigliati a schiaffi!

I read that the Octopus have semi autonomic arms which means they all do their own individual thing while reporting to the central nervous system. Except the central nervous system is a giant dick and the 8 arms are constantly flexing trying to get the brain's attention.

# ? Sep 12, 2016 09:56

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# ? Jun 6, 2024 19:02

J.A.B.C.: Jul 2, 2007; There's no need to rush to be an adult.

Soulex posted:

I think the one thing I wish I could change about the Army is the amount of top cover/control they have over small details that don't matter really. Let bosses do boss work by keeping thumbs out of pies. Less bullshit for enlisted, enlisted less wanting to get out, retention solved.

To do that you'd have to actually listen to folks and gain some introspection, and lol at that poo poo happening.

Just got done reading 'The Taliban Shuffle' while waiting for my officer bunkmates to finish their dumb officer exercise briefings so I could sleep. Its a good look into some of the problems of Afghanistan and Pakistan and how people never seem to get it right, mixed with a person's life falling apart. Worth a read. Haven't seen the movie.

# ? Sep 12, 2016 14:01

Mr. Nice!: Oct 13, 2005; bone shaking.
soul baking.

star cards? like an exchange credit card? They're good for one thing - even if you never use it they will always report it as paid to the credit bureaus and keep upping your credit limit. I got a new card in the mail a few months ago even though I couldn't use it today if I wanted.

# ? Sep 12, 2016 14:23

Icon Of Sin: Dec 26, 2008

Soulex posted:

What level is Shim level high?

So high that even other stoners find your highdeas laughably dumb. It's more of an aspiration than reality, if you get that high you're not coming down anytime soon.

# ? Sep 12, 2016 15:59

Mr. Nice!: Oct 13, 2005; bone shaking.
soul baking.

Icon Of Sin posted:

So high that even other stoners find your highdeas laughably dumb. It's more of an aspiration than reality, if you get that high you're not coming down anytime soon.

The problem with getting shim high is that most people are turned into non-functioning zombies at that level of baked. Shim-level is where you can get that absolutely drool on yourself blitzed and be functional.

# ? Sep 12, 2016 16:47

boop the snoot: Jun 3, 2016

I was blazing through an ounce a week when I got out for roughly ~two months.

Eventually you might as well just smoke cigarettes because you aren't even getting stoned anymore.

# ? Sep 12, 2016 16:48

Icon Of Sin: Dec 26, 2008

Mr. Nice! posted:

The problem with getting shim high is that most people are turned into non-functioning zombies at that level of baked. Shim-level is where you can get that absolutely drool on yourself blitzed and be functional.

If you get that high and can't articulate exactly why marrying a dumbass airforce intel officer is a bad idea while simultaneously predicting the new few years of that poster's life when she inevitably follows through with that terrible idea, you aren't there yet.

e: finally found it.

The question:

quote:

Aquatic Giraffe posted:

I have a question as a military dependent-to-be, I hope it's ok to ask in this thread as other information resources have not been clear. Fiance is a 2nd Lt in the USAF.

Here's our situation:
Fiance is finishing up intel school at Goodfellow AFB, graduating in May. He just received orders to Kadena AB in Okinawa. I am planning on staying here until my work contracts are done at the end of 2014 then joining him early 2015. In order for the USAF to foot the bill for me to join him later, when should we get married?

Some sources say before he leaves so I'm on his orders from the start.

Some say we should wait until he gets there so his orders will be amended and hope I get command sponsorship.

His current command says if we get married now they'll "for sure" pay for me to move later but we both agree that sounds like a lot of bullshit.

Thoughts?

The answer:

quote:

Go ask the career development folks at the MPF. Also pimp the TMO folks and ask them.

The final answer comes from one of those two sources. And in the end you have a 50/50 chance of being told the wrong thing anyway.

But you asked for thoughts, and after smoking a bowl and contemplating things, I had a thought I'd like to share with you.

Have you considered not marrying your fiancee?

I can count on one finger the number of guys that were USAF intel officers that I wouldn't line up outside the gas chambers if the fourth reich became a thing.

A few years from now, when you can't even stand to look at him without feeling a sense of extreme hatred and disappointment simultaneous to realizing that at 28 years old you spend 50% of your day thinking about becoming a divorcee, remember this advice: Run the gently caress away now.

Seriously, there is a 100% chance your fiancee is a tool and a loving nitwit. There is a 100% chance that he will be peer pressured into becoming a distilled version of fighter pilot gay bro'ness not by dudes that fly fighter jets, but other sperged out intel retard officers. He's going to start saying things like "Check, Rodge, Vector, Burner" and other associated lame as gently caress things, while also sometimes randomly wearing a flightsuit to work on Fridays despite his only flight time being the fam flight he poo poo his pants or puked his guts up during.

Also he's going to cheat on you. Oh man is he going to cheat on you. And there is a not too bad chance that it won't be with some good looking gal, but rather some dumb bitch enlisted intel girl that almost got a degree in psychology from her podunk state school before she decided she hated the taste of gargling frat sperm and dropped out and joined up to get a chance at being the hottest little twat in a windowless SCIF in Japan.

But don't worry about that breaking your heart, he'll never tell you. You'll be too busy caring for the 3-4 kids he demands you squeeze out in repayment to the base model BMW 3 series he's going to buy you when he gets to his second assignment at Tinker AFB.

When he's not deep dicking some borderline inbred dipshit Airman who's a civilian 5 and intel 12, he'll be lording over you how his job and career come first, and pray he doesn't make more money than you because that'll come up everytime you sigh audibly at the dinner table where you two will passive aggressively try to grind down each others will to live and breathe.

By this point as a captain he's going to be TDY 1-2 months a year, where he's getting half assed hand jobs from third tier strippers on excursions with the least socially inept enlisted guys in his flight-- this is probably the point where his raging alcoholism will be so clear and obvious to you that you two will start fighting every saturday before kick off when his colleges football team inevitably will take a beating. This fight won't stop until his next TDY when the sweet release of his toothless stripper infidelities and lack of home presence gives you time to bust out your big giant purple *BZZZZZ* friend whenever those walking talking pants making GBS threads machines you call children fall asleep long enough to let you deaden the nerves in your clitoris.

Soon after he'll take his third assignment, the one right before he pins on Major, and suddenly he'll be pressuring you into becoming a fundamentalist christian, and he'll delete all of his whores off of his facebook account and spend his home time posting image macros about 2nd amendment rights, and how jesus spoke english in the bible so these loving mexicans should too. At this point you two will be consigned to bi-annual loving, and only when you've drank enough cheap boxed wind to be able to stand the idea of him pounding away on you missionary style but still refusing to look you in the eyes.

This will also be the point when your oldest childs ADHD and pyromania are diagnosed, and one of your parents die. There is around a 85% chance one of you is going to be eating zoloft and klonopin out of loving pez dispensers, and waking up angry that the sweet release of death hasn't taken one of you out of this loveless hosed up marriage.

Somewhere in here the idea of swinging is going to come up casually as an almost joke when you are both in the blissful release of a nice drunken buzz, and one of you will actually be very open and interested in the idea. The other is going to wind up being an unhappy accomplice wondering why your partner wants to gently caress almost chubby guys with spray on tans, or watch the sacred hole through which your children came into this world be filled with all manner of different ethnicities of cock.

I'm late to bring this up, but sooner rather than later you're also going to screen positive for HPV, and your intel officer husband is going to take every bit of research skills he has from his job to convince you that you got it from donating blood or sitting on a toilet seat.

You didn't get it from the Red Cross or a trip to the shitter.

As it stands now though, you can walk the gently caress away and enjoy a life that I'm pretty sure would be better than the above. And you'll never have to see the inside of an officers wives meeting which is a lovecraftian hell that makes my description of your future seem like Charlie's trip through the chocolate factory.

Icon Of Sin fucked around with this message at 17:09 on Sep 12, 2016

# ? Sep 12, 2016 16:54

Soulex: Apr 1, 2009; Cacati in mano e pigliati a schiaffi!

TBeats posted:

I was blazing through an ounce a week when I got out for roughly ~two months.

Eventually you might as well just smoke cigarettes because you aren't even getting stoned anymore.

I am about this. Highly functional but Im not "high" all the time. My body just accepts it as normal.

It did kick me off dipping (10+ year struggle that one) and most of my meds to include Oxy.

That's not even counting the dab pens because holy loving lol vaping in public is awesome as gently caress.

To be fair, I didn't really wait till last night. Or the night before. Or before that one.

# ? Sep 12, 2016 18:47

J.A.B.C.: Jul 2, 2007; There's no need to rush to be an adult.

Icon Of Sin posted:

If you get that high and can't articulate exactly why marrying a dumbass airforce intel officer is a bad idea while simultaneously predicting the new few years of that poster's life when she inevitably follows through with that terrible idea, you aren't there yet.

e: finally found it.

The question:

The answer:

We need an update on this immediately. I want to put this in a slide deck to show at the next FRG hate-fest.

# ? Sep 12, 2016 19:57

Justin Tyme: Feb 22, 2011

Icon Of Sin posted:

If you get that high and can't articulate exactly why marrying a dumbass airforce intel officer is a bad idea while simultaneously predicting the new few years of that poster's life when she inevitably follows through with that terrible idea, you aren't there yet.

e: finally found it.

The question:

The answer:

allahu akbar

# ? Sep 12, 2016 23:56

psydude: Apr 1, 2008

Mr. Nice! posted:

The problem with getting shim high is that most people are turned into non-functioning zombies at that level of baked. Shim-level is where you can get that absolutely drool on yourself blitzed and be functional.

It helps when like half the forum is actively encouraging someone who is obviously severly mentally ill.

# ? Sep 13, 2016 00:55

Suntan Boy: May 27, 2005; Stained, dirty, smells like weed, possibly a relic from the sixties.

psydude posted:

It helps when like half the forum is actively encouraging someone who is obviously severly mentally ill.

Speaking of which, I got to watch a sovereign citizen go up against the gate guards today. "I am a free man of the land [guns engine] and do not recognize your authorAAAAAGGGGGGG [gets tazed]."

It was a good day, overall.

# ? Sep 13, 2016 05:01

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

Suntan Boy posted:

Speaking of which, I got to watch a sovereign citizen go up against the gate guards today. "I am a free man of the land [guns engine] and do not recognize your authorAAAAAGGGGGGG [gets tazed]."

It was a good day, overall.

That's the MP recruiting video they need to make

# ? Sep 13, 2016 05:11

Mike-o: Dec 25, 2004; Now I'm in your room
And I'm in your bed; Grimey Drawer

Holy poo poo I wish and hope there's video of that.

# ? Sep 13, 2016 05:47

UP THE BUM NO BABY: Sep 1, 2011; by Hand Knit

Suntan Boy posted:

Speaking of which, I got to watch a sovereign citizen go up against the gate guards today. "I am a free man of the land [guns engine] and do not recognize your authorAAAAAGGGGGGG [gets tazed]."

It was a good day, overall.

No video? drat. I guess we'll have to wait until he uploads it.

# ? Sep 13, 2016 06:04

Soulex: Apr 1, 2009; Cacati in mano e pigliati a schiaffi!

psydude posted:

It helps when like half the forum is actively encouraging someone who is obviously severly mentally ill.

I'm severely mentally ill?

# ? Sep 13, 2016 06:21

its curtains for Kevin: Nov 14, 2011; Fruit is proof that the gods exist and love us.

Just kidding!

Life is meaningless

Shim probably. He's a little unhinged and rightly so

# ? Sep 13, 2016 07:36

Icon Of Sin: Dec 26, 2008

This one is just so satisfying to watch. Idiot tries to push past bailiff using magic words, gets crushed as expected.

https://youtu.be/RfVbiefMdNU

P Barnes: hero of the people :patriot:

:patriot:

# ? Sep 13, 2016 12:30

J.A.B.C.: Jul 2, 2007; There's no need to rush to be an adult.

Pesticide20 posted:

No video? drat. I guess we'll have to wait until he uploads it.

It probably won't be released until the investigation is complete, as the MPs are (rightfully) pretty anal over stuff like that. But there are cameras at pretty much every gate with a shack, as its a lot easier to defend some poo poo if you have a record.

Keep an eye on the post blotter report.

# ? Sep 13, 2016 14:10

spacetoaster: Feb 10, 2014

J.A.B.C. posted:

It probably won't be released until the investigation is complete, as the MPs are (rightfully) pretty anal over stuff like that. But there are cameras at pretty much every gate with a shack, as its a lot easier to defend some poo poo if you have a record.

Keep an eye on the post blotter report.

You're assuming a lot about those cameras.....

# ? Sep 13, 2016 16:44

Soulex: Apr 1, 2009; Cacati in mano e pigliati a schiaffi!

Ahahahahaha. I essentially quit the military to become a drug dealer. My part time job now might be a pot delivery driver.

# ? Sep 14, 2016 07:29

boop the snoot: Jun 3, 2016

Soulex posted:

Ahahahahaha. I essentially quit the military to become a drug dealer. My part time job now might be a pot delivery driver.

My address is...

# ? Sep 14, 2016 10:46

Soulex: Apr 1, 2009; Cacati in mano e pigliati a schiaffi!

Yeah. The delivery dude who stopped by my house was actually the founder of his company. I already told him I like people the message of the company and the whole "giving back," thing over a joint. I asked if he wanted to smoke cause the delivery was actually 30 minutes late but he threw in a free eighth and some candy. We talked about marketing and poo poo before he was asked if I was interested. Part time why not? Better than Uber, still going to college, occasionally get smoked out...yoga pants? poo poo is nice. It's not a small scale company either. Dude has one ranch that is 2700 Acres. So, big and nice. The weed is loving great too oh my god. Sucks if you're still in cause I'm high 24/7.

Bad news is just found out my father in law has lung cancer. Tumors on both lungs. 30% chance to live. It would have been 80% if he went a year ago if the symptoms first started really giving him trouble. Gonna have to send some seeds to some family members.

Also might be sending the family to Italy for a few months. Without me. In case the worst.

Soulex fucked around with this message at 12:21 on Sep 14, 2016

# ? Sep 14, 2016 12:19

its curtains for Kevin: Nov 14, 2011; Fruit is proof that the gods exist and love us.

Just kidding!

Life is meaningless

Looks like parts of my unit are getting interviewed.

If I get my chance I'm definitely giving my shootouts but what else should I say

Has to be a subtle yet undeniable reference

That way if they citizen soldier us I can get a bit of the GIP rep in

# ? Sep 16, 2016 18:21

Soulex: Apr 1, 2009; Cacati in mano e pigliati a schiaffi!

Apparently dude was just being nice. No drug dealer job. Whatever. Didn't even need it.

Good enough for me, might volunteer to be PR/Media at the SVO.

It's actually hard transitioning. I can't sleep. Fuckin go to bed at 5 AM and wake up at 8 AM.

# ? Sep 16, 2016 20:05

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Soulex posted:

Apparently dude was just being nice. No drug dealer job. Whatever. Didn't even need it.

Good enough for me, might volunteer to be PR/Media at the SVO.

It's actually hard transitioning. I can't sleep. Fuckin go to bed at 5 AM and wake up at 8 AM.

Its going to sound stupid, but, put yourself on a schedule. You went from working "army hours" to nothing. Your body has no clue what is going on.

# ? Sep 16, 2016 20:28

Soulex: Apr 1, 2009; Cacati in mano e pigliati a schiaffi!

I tried. I force myself to wake up at 8. Well my body does. Apparently I am sleep walking or whatever until I "actually" get up around 830. Like I will get up, turn my alarm off, and get back in bed. My alarm is across the room even. I won't remember that either.

# ? Sep 16, 2016 20:43

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Soulex posted:

I tried. I force myself to wake up at 8. Well my body does. Apparently I am sleep walking or whatever until I "actually" get up around 830. Like I will get up, turn my alarm off, and get back in bed. My alarm is across the room even. I won't remember that either.

Next stupid suggestion.

Are you actually doing anything during the day? Other than getting baked and loving the sweet sweet freedom?

Try doing some projects. Anything, look for a job, work on the resume, build a hut, learn to make fire from random objects.

# ? Sep 16, 2016 20:52

Soulex: Apr 1, 2009; Cacati in mano e pigliati a schiaffi!

ASAPI posted:

Next stupid suggestion.

Are you actually doing anything during the day? Other than getting baked and loving the sweet sweet freedom?

Try doing some projects. Anything, look for a job, work on the resume, build a hut, learn to make fire from random objects.

Spending time with the kids, helping move in. Basic husband stuff.

# ? Sep 16, 2016 23:22

Agnostic Jihad: Sep 17, 2007; Old school? New school?
Shit, I didn't go to school.

Soulex posted:

Spending time with the kids, helping move in. Basic husband stuff.

If you need anything else to do, you're welcome to take my staff duty tomorrow.

# ? Sep 17, 2016 00:43

milk milk lemonade: Jul 29, 2016

You can take my staff, it's your duty

# ? Sep 17, 2016 01:13

Agnostic Jihad: Sep 17, 2007; Old school? New school?
Shit, I didn't go to school.

Fudge posted:

You can take my staff, it's your duty

Sorry, the Army's the only one allowed to buttfuck me anymore.

# ? Sep 17, 2016 02:23

FIDEL CASHFLOW: Oct 13, 2009

5 months into not ever having to deal with the army anymore is literally the best

# ? Sep 17, 2016 08:01

Naked Bear: Apr 15, 2007; Boners was recorded before a studio audience that was alive!

FIDEL CASHFLOW posted:

2 years into not ever having to deal with the army anymore is literally the best

# ? Sep 18, 2016 07:50

Icon Of Sin: Dec 26, 2008

FIDEL CASHFLOW posted:

4 years into not ever having to deal with the army anymore is literally the best

# ? Sep 18, 2016 13:16

its curtains for Kevin: Nov 14, 2011; Fruit is proof that the gods exist and love us.

Just kidding!

Life is meaningless

If I don't commission before I hit my first contract I'm probably getting out

# ? Sep 18, 2016 13:27

Aranan: May 21, 2007; Release the Kraken

NTT posted:

If I don't get out before I get out, I'm probably getting out

# ? Sep 18, 2016 13:42

its curtains for Kevin: Nov 14, 2011; Fruit is proof that the gods exist and love us.

Just kidding!

Life is meaningless

Commissioning is considered getting out???

# ? Sep 18, 2016 14:01

milk milk lemonade: Jul 29, 2016

He probably just means you're a stupid idiot for believing for even a second you'll commission. I don't even understand your post. Are you already in?

# ? Sep 18, 2016 14:13

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# ? Jun 6, 2024 19:02

its curtains for Kevin: Nov 14, 2011; Fruit is proof that the gods exist and love us.

Just kidding!

Life is meaningless

Fudge posted:

He probably just means you're a stupid idiot for believing for even a second you'll commission. I don't even understand your post. Are you already in?

Uh yeah, I'm currently at pmt but when I get back from camp Kuwait next year I'm just gonna keep going back to school and then pick an officer producing program. Leaning ROTC, but I'm amicable to accelerated ocs too

# ? Sep 18, 2016 14:33

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