Christianity Thread II: Y'all need Jesus

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Christianity Thread II: Y'all need Jesus

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

Thirteen Orphans posted:

My old chaplain HATES when people say Aquinas was super heavy. He's convinced it's some kind of anti-Catholic rumor that stuck.

what does he have against fat philosophers? that says more about him than it does about good old thomas A who (I hope) was comfortable with himself whatever he looked like

god also came for the hamplanets

# ? Sep 27, 2016 09:45

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# ? May 10, 2024 14:33

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

Man Whore posted:

Ohio unfortunately. There is a joke somewhere about the only southern baptists in the thread being from what is considered to be two of the shittiest states.

do you think you'd want to do...whatever Evangelicals do when they go to church...with Cythreal over the internet? He's been having a lot of problems finding a church with people his own age in it, who aren't a hellscape of rightwingers

# ? Sep 27, 2016 09:50

System Metternich: Feb 28, 2010; But what did he mean by that?

Pictured: Thomas Aquinas, thin as a rail

# ? Sep 27, 2016 12:52

Senju Kannon: Apr 9, 2011; by Nyc_Tattoo

System Metternich posted:

Pictured: Thomas Aquinas, thin as a rail

The Protestant propaganda is coming from inside the thread :tinfoil:

# ? Sep 27, 2016 13:54

Ceciltron: Jan 11, 2007; Text BEEP to 43527 for the dancing robot!; Pillbug

Tias posted:

Just chiming in to say that drinking yourself to sleep is very unhealthy, and definitely not a good way to get anything but a false connection to the divine.

Getting clean and sober is what got me to feel and understand God in the first place, and if you think faith is wonderful drunk, try it without the juice

Hence why I said I was lucky if I could do it! I definitely don't drink more than once a week.

Though I certainly do appreciate the concern.

# ? Sep 27, 2016 15:12

Worthleast: Nov 25, 2012; Possibly the only speedboat jumps I've planned

Thirteen Orphans posted:

My old chaplain HATES when people say Aquinas was super heavy. He's convinced it's some kind of anti-Catholic rumor that stuck.

He had to cut a semi circle out of his desk so he could sit at it. Aquinas was super goony.

# ? Sep 27, 2016 17:07

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

he and luther are eating cheetos and discussing theology (and the proper robe / professor cap choices for gentlemen of gravity) in a better place, now

# ? Sep 27, 2016 17:12

Thirteen Orphans: Dec 2, 2012; I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist and a theoretical philosopher. But above all, I am a man, a hopelessly inquisitive man, just like you.

Worthleast posted:

He had to cut a semi circle out of his desk so he could sit at it. Aquinas was super goony.

You should have seen his face when I mentioned the Aquinas Table. :lol:

# ? Sep 27, 2016 17:46

rap music: Mar 11, 2006

you're not a real christian unless you speak fluent galilean aramaic

http://www.thenazareneway.com/lords_prayer.htm

# ? Sep 27, 2016 17:56

Lutha Mahtin: Oct 10, 2010; Your brokebrain sin is absolved...go and shitpost no more!

System Metternich posted:

I don't know about Luther not being venerated, I definitely know about some movements within the Lutheran Church of Germany where he is the next best thing to a saint, complete with St Martin's Day being changed into Martin-Luther-Day in some parts. This reached its peak in the 19th century, but is in some places still very much alive (just a couple of days ago I read in an article about that very topic how American Lutherans come to Eisleben to kiss Luther's baptismal font)

In my experience Lutherans do not treat Luther like a saint, or "close" to a saint. I'm not an expert on saint-stuff but he is not associated with any of the checkmarks I know of, such as: he wasn't a martyr, he didn't do any miracles, he isn't considered particularly moral or pious. The closest thing to supernatural I've ever heard about him is the story that he was struck by lightning and survived; Luther himself took this to be significant, but when I was young this was never presented to me as divine intervention or as something that marked him as special, rather it was just treated as an anecdote about his life story and his development as a person.

I've been sitting here for like ten minutes trying to think about how Lutherans actually do consider Luther's relation to anything divine, and I haven't had any trains of thought that went anywhere I was happy with. Another thing that is bugging me a little bit is that I'm curious if (part of) the premise of your comparison is based on saming Lutheran thought with more Catholic/Orthodox thought. Perhaps I will think of something later, or someone else can help me out here. (also I bet my one religion professor would be super proud of me using the critical-theory verb "same" here)

Finally, I'm pretty sure that nobody is changing St. Martin's Day into "Martin Luther Day". The moment I read this in your post, I guessed that St. Martin's day was in October or November, and I was right. Why did I guess this? Because that's around when Reformation Day is, of course. In the churches I grew up in, it was celebrated on a Sunday during late October or early November, but Wikipedia claims that some churches have done it on St. Martin's Day. However I don't think I have ever heard of it being officially related to or replacing anything with regard to St. Martin. I mostly remember it just being the one Sunday a year when maybe the confirmands would put on a little play about Luther, or the sermon would have some bits about the Reformation worked into it. And I'm stretching my memory, but I think sometimes the vestments are red on this day, instead of the typical Pentecost-season green.

# ? Sep 27, 2016 18:30

System Metternich: Feb 28, 2010; But what did he mean by that?

Lutha Mahtin posted:

In my experience Lutherans do not treat Luther like a saint, or "close" to a saint. I'm not an expert on saint-stuff but he is not associated with any of the checkmarks I know of, such as: he wasn't a martyr, he didn't do any miracles, he isn't considered particularly moral or pious. The closest thing to supernatural I've ever heard about him is the story that he was struck by lightning and survived; Luther himself took this to be significant, but when I was young this was never presented to me as divine intervention or as something that marked him as special, rather it was just treated as an anecdote about his life story and his development as a person.

I've been sitting here for like ten minutes trying to think about how Lutherans actually do consider Luther's relation to anything divine, and I haven't had any trains of thought that went anywhere I was happy with. Another thing that is bugging me a little bit is that I'm curious if (part of) the premise of your comparison is based on saming Lutheran thought with more Catholic/Orthodox thought. Perhaps I will think of something later, or someone else can help me out here. (also I bet my one religion professor would be super proud of me using the critical-theory verb "same" here)

Finally, I'm pretty sure that nobody is changing St. Martin's Day into "Martin Luther Day". The moment I read this in your post, I guessed that St. Martin's day was in October or November, and I was right. Why did I guess this? Because that's around when Reformation Day is, of course. In the churches I grew up in, it was celebrated on a Sunday during late October or early November, but Wikipedia claims that some churches have done it on St. Martin's Day. However I don't think I have ever heard of it being officially related to or replacing anything with regard to St. Martin. I mostly remember it just being the one Sunday a year when maybe the confirmands would put on a little play about Luther, or the sermon would have some bits about the Reformation worked into it. And I'm stretching my memory, but I think sometimes the vestments are red on this day, instead of the typical Pentecost-season green.

Luther literally threw his ink bottle at the devil, every child in Germany knows this :v:

you can look at the ink spot left on the wall in the Wartburg Castle if you want

re: Martin Luther Day, I looked it up: in some regions of northern Germany the old customs and traditions of St Martin's Day were shortened or replaced wholesale by carol singing in which the songs praise Luther as a "friend of light and pious man" (Lichtfreund und Glaubensmann) who "tore down the crown from the Pope's head". In some cases traditional songs of St Martin were simply changed a bit into Martin Luther songs instead.

I'm not talking about the official position of the various Lutheran Churches, mind. What I mean instead is the Luther memory as it developed mainly in the 19th century and is still alive in some corners of the Lutheran Church in Germany - as I can't speak for the rest of the world, of course. This attitude towards Luther ranged from hero worship to almost outright veneration, complete with supernatural legends like the one with the ink bottle. The Castle church of Wittenberg contains some 19th century paintings which put Luther in an implied genealogical relation to the House of Hohenzollern, for example.

# ? Sep 27, 2016 18:53

CountFosco: Jan 9, 2012; Welcome back to the Liturgigoon thread, friend.

All of this talk on Aquinus' alleged corpulence made me curious, and I discovered a passage where Chesterton compares him to Count Fosco, were that character turned suddenly to saintliness! :eek:

# ? Sep 27, 2016 21:52

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

CountFosco posted:

All of this talk on Aquinus' alleged corpulence made me curious, and I discovered a passage where Chesterton compares him to Count Fosco, were that character turned suddenly to saintliness!

Was Aquinas a reformed creeper on women? I thought that was Augustine.

# ? Sep 27, 2016 22:30

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

augustine and his girlfriend lived a loving relationship together, he was not a creep

# ? Sep 27, 2016 22:36

Smoking Crow: Feb 14, 2012; *laughs at u*

pray for me everyone, i applied for a really really good job at a lutheran church

# ? Sep 27, 2016 22:48

HEY GUNS: Oct 11, 2012; FOPTIMUS PRIME

Smoking Crow posted:

pray for me everyone, i applied for a really really good job at a lutheran church

on it

# ? Sep 27, 2016 23:00

Senju Kannon: Apr 9, 2011; by Nyc_Tattoo

Arsenic Lupin posted:

Was Aquinas a reformed creeper on women? I thought that was Augustine.

I'm pretty sure his family paid a sex worker to gently caress him so he wouldn't join the Dominicans, and either beat the poo poo out of her or converted her into being not a sex worker depending on who you ask

So... maybe?

# ? Sep 27, 2016 23:03

Smoking Crow: Feb 14, 2012; *laughs at u*

HEY GAL posted:

on it

ok so we can all agree martin luther is in heaven

does martin luther do intercessory prayer?

# ? Sep 27, 2016 23:09

Mr Enderby: Mar 28, 2015

Thirteen Orphans posted:

My old chaplain HATES when people say Aquinas was super heavy. He's convinced it's some kind of anti-Catholic rumor that stuck.

Deep in the Protestant Headquarters, the Head Protestant sits on a plastic stool, wearing ugly polyester vestments. Cringing Lackey approaches.

Cringing Lackey: Your Reformedness, I have bad news. The Catholics are growing ever stronger. How will we ever convince people to stop doing good works, as is the cornerstone of our belief system.
Head Protestant: Don't worry, I have a plan that will strike a the heart of the Papists. I'll tell people that the famous Roman Catholic Thomas Aquinas, who as everyone knows we Protestants hate and fear for his orthodox theology, was all fat and gross.
CL: But Your Supreme Anti-Liturgicalness, it is well known that Aquinas was super buff and swole.
HP: It is true that he was super buff and swole, and also ripped, but we'll tell people he was a fat nerd. Because, and I really can't stress this enough, all Protestants hate Aquinas for some reason.
CL: Brilliant your Iconoclasticness. I'll put the plan into action right away.
HP: Good. Now leave me. I must put a condom on my penis before I have sex with my wife.

# ? Sep 27, 2016 23:20

my dad: Oct 17, 2012; this shall be humorous

# ? Sep 27, 2016 23:41

Paladinus: Jan 11, 2014; heyHEYYYY!!!

Mr Enderby posted:

Deep in the Protestant Headquarters, the Head Protestant sits on a plastic stool, wearing ugly polyester vestments. Cringing Lackey approaches.

Cringing Lackey: Your Reformedness, I have bad news. The Catholics are growing ever stronger. How will we ever convince people to stop doing good works, as is the cornerstone of our belief system.
Head Protestant: Don't worry, I have a plan that will strike a the heart of the Papists. I'll tell people that the famous Roman Catholic Thomas Aquinas, who as everyone knows we Protestants hate and fear for his orthodox theology, was all fat and gross.
CL: But Your Supreme Anti-Liturgicalness, it is well known that Aquinas was super buff and swole.
HP: It is true that he was super buff and swole, and also ripped, but we'll tell people he was a fat nerd. Because, and I really can't stress this enough, all Protestants hate Aquinas for some reason.
CL: Brilliant your Iconoclasticness. I'll put the plan into action right away.
HP: Good. Now leave me. I must put a condom on my penis before I have sex with my wife.

Someone needs to draw a Catholic Chick tract about this.

# ? Sep 27, 2016 23:41

Pellisworth: Jun 20, 2005

Smoking Crow posted:

does martin luther do intercessory prayer?

no, but every time someone shitposts at a Papist, Martin Luther raises his beer stein and nods his chins approvingly

in Lutheran theology all Christians living and dead are saints and praying for the Christian Church as a whole, it is ok to contemplate and imitate their lives to strengthen our faith but they are not intercessors

e:

Martin Luther posted:

"When I die, I want to be a ghost...So I can continue to pester the bishops, priests and godless monks until that they have more trouble with a dead Luther than they could have had before with a thousand living ones."

oh, buddy, your ghost has certainly stirred up a lot of poo poo that's true

Pellisworth fucked around with this message at 00:00 on Sep 28, 2016

# ? Sep 27, 2016 23:46

Senju Kannon: Apr 9, 2011; by Nyc_Tattoo

Pellisworth posted:

no, but every time someone shitposts at a Papist, Martin Luther raises his beer stein and nods his chins approvingly

in Lutheran theology all Christians living and dead are saints and praying for the Christian Church as a whole, it is ok to contemplate and imitate their lives to strengthen our faith but they are not intercessors

so perpetua is perpetually praying

# ? Sep 27, 2016 23:55

Pellisworth: Jun 20, 2005

someone needs to show Martin Luther how to set up a Ghost Twitter account

# ? Sep 27, 2016 23:57

Man Whore: Jan 6, 2012; ASK ME ABOUT SPHERICAL CATS
=3

Mr Enderby posted:

Deep in the Protestant Headquarters, the Head Protestant sits on a plastic stool, wearing ugly polyester vestments. Cringing Lackey approaches.

Cringing Lackey: Your Reformedness, I have bad news. The Catholics are growing ever stronger. How will we ever convince people to stop doing good works, as is the cornerstone of our belief system.
Head Protestant: Don't worry, I have a plan that will strike a the heart of the Papists. I'll tell people that the famous Roman Catholic Thomas Aquinas, who as everyone knows we Protestants hate and fear for his orthodox theology, was all fat and gross.
CL: But Your Supreme Anti-Liturgicalness, it is well known that Aquinas was super buff and swole.
HP: It is true that he was super buff and swole, and also ripped, but we'll tell people he was a fat nerd. Because, and I really can't stress this enough, all Protestants hate Aquinas for some reason.
CL: Brilliant your Iconoclasticness. I'll put the plan into action right away.
HP: Good. Now leave me. I must put a condom on my penis before I have sex with my wife.

HEY GAL posted:

do you think you'd want to do...whatever Evangelicals do when they go to church...with Cythreal over the internet? He's been having a lot of problems finding a church with people his own age in it, who aren't a hellscape of rightwingers

How would that work? is there some kind of preacher streaming site that streams sermons and we can just talk about cool baptist things? I would do it but I have to admit that I don't know the first thing about Jesus other than half remembered bible school stuff.

Man Whore fucked around with this message at 01:19 on Sep 28, 2016

# ? Sep 28, 2016 01:13

Thirteen Orphans: Dec 2, 2012; I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist and a theoretical philosopher. But above all, I am a man, a hopelessly inquisitive man, just like you.

Mr Enderby posted:

Deep in the Protestant Headquarters, the Head Protestant sits on a plastic stool, wearing ugly polyester vestments. Cringing Lackey approaches.

Cringing Lackey: Your Reformedness, I have bad news. The Catholics are growing ever stronger. How will we ever convince people to stop doing good works, as is the cornerstone of our belief system.
Head Protestant: Don't worry, I have a plan that will strike a the heart of the Papists. I'll tell people that the famous Roman Catholic Thomas Aquinas, who as everyone knows we Protestants hate and fear for his orthodox theology, was all fat and gross.
CL: But Your Supreme Anti-Liturgicalness, it is well known that Aquinas was super buff and swole.
HP: It is true that he was super buff and swole, and also ripped, but we'll tell people he was a fat nerd. Because, and I really can't stress this enough, all Protestants hate Aquinas for some reason.
CL: Brilliant your Iconoclasticness. I'll put the plan into action right away.
HP: Good. Now leave me. I must put a condom on my penis before I have sex with my wife.

Very Monty Python! (Good Monty Python)

# ? Sep 28, 2016 01:13

zonohedron: Aug 14, 2006

rap music posted:

you're not a real christian unless you speak fluent galilean aramaic

http://www.thenazareneway.com/lords_prayer.htm

quote:

Our Father-Mother Who art above and within: Hallowed be Thy Name in twofold Trinity.

...twofold Trinity? Either this is the weirdest variation on Patripassionism ever, in which case someone needs to point out that 'Trinity' involves 'three', or there's six Persons in the dual Godhead? (Or are there five, with one Spirit breathed by... one or more of the other four?)

# ? Sep 28, 2016 01:23

Senju Kannon: Apr 9, 2011; by Nyc_Tattoo

Man Whore posted:

How would that work? is there some kind of preacher streaming site that streams sermons and we can just talk about cool baptist things? I would do it but I have to admit that I don't know the first thing about Jesus other than half remembered bible school stuff.

you know i think some congregations are on skype, and some streaming service (not twitch, unless padre mains mercy i suppose). like back when i e-mailed robert shore-goss like "oh no i like dudes and i wanted to be a catholic priest what do i do" he sent me a link to archives of sermons from his congregation (then metropolitan community church) and a link to where streamed weekly services.

i'm sure they have something like that for even more evangelical forms of christianity (mcc was started by a pentecostal and while robert shore-goss, former jesuit, had a more catholic inspired service a lot of congregants apparently have issues with more liturgical worship styles)

# ? Sep 28, 2016 01:24

Senju Kannon: Apr 9, 2011; by Nyc_Tattoo

robert shore-goss also said he'd be willing to "apprentice" me so to speak, doing whatever it is you do to make someone a priest and teaching me the ropes of being a minister

then a week later i saw him post on lady gaga's facebook that he'd do the same for her, and it kind of lost the impact a bit tbh

# ? Sep 28, 2016 01:26

Lutha Mahtin: Oct 10, 2010; Your brokebrain sin is absolved...go and shitpost no more!

Pellisworth posted:

someone needs to show Martin Luther how to set up a Ghost Twitter account

oh lol should i do this

e: too late

Lutha Mahtin fucked around with this message at 01:55 on Sep 28, 2016

# ? Sep 28, 2016 01:46

Pellisworth: Jun 20, 2005

Lutha Mahtin posted:

oh lol should i do this

I mean I don't use Twitter but it would be a pretty good gimmick, you just gotta paraphrase Lutheran Insulter quotes into 140 characters :v:

e: For maximum authenticity make sure to use echo parentheses to identify (((globalists))) and (((Papists)))

RIP Martin Luther Twitter account, banned for tweeting at the Pope calling him a "fart-rear end" and the antichrist

Pellisworth fucked around with this message at 01:57 on Sep 28, 2016

# ? Sep 28, 2016 01:52

Thirteen Orphans: Dec 2, 2012; I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist and a theoretical philosopher. But above all, I am a man, a hopelessly inquisitive man, just like you.

zonohedron posted:

...twofold Trinity? Either this is the weirdest variation on Patripassionism ever, in which case someone needs to point out that 'Trinity' involves 'three', or there's six Persons in the dual Godhead? (Or are there five, with one Spirit breathed by... one or more of the other four?)

Yeah I remember reading an article about these guys. It's fair to say scholarship isn't their strong suit.

# ? Sep 28, 2016 03:16

JcDent: May 13, 2013; Give me a rifle, one round, and point me at Berlin!

Mr Enderby posted:

Deep in the Protestant Headquarters, the Head Protestant sits on a plastic stool, wearing ugly polyester vestments. Cringing Lackey approaches.

Cringing Lackey: Your Reformedness, I have bad news. The Catholics are growing ever stronger. How will we ever convince people to stop doing good works, as is the cornerstone of our belief system.
Head Protestant: Don't worry, I have a plan that will strike a the heart of the Papists. I'll tell people that the famous Roman Catholic Thomas Aquinas, who as everyone knows we Protestants hate and fear for his orthodox theology, was all fat and gross.
CL: But Your Supreme Anti-Liturgicalness, it is well known that Aquinas was super buff and swole.
HP: It is true that he was super buff and swole, and also ripped, but we'll tell people he was a fat nerd. Because, and I really can't stress this enough, all Protestants hate Aquinas for some reason.
CL: Brilliant your Iconoclasticness. I'll put the plan into action right away.
HP: Good. Now leave me. I must put a condom on my penis before I have sex with my wife.

# ? Sep 28, 2016 13:19

zonohedron: Aug 14, 2006

Thirteen Orphans posted:

Yeah I remember reading an article about these guys. It's fair to say scholarship isn't their strong suit.

When the fantasy religion in the Curse of Chalion is more consistent and well-written than someone's Gnostic fantasies... :ughh:

# ? Sep 28, 2016 16:56

rap music: Mar 11, 2006

zonohedron posted:

...twofold Trinity? Either this is the weirdest variation on Patripassionism ever, in which case someone needs to point out that 'Trinity' involves 'three', or there's six Persons in the dual Godhead? (Or are there five, with one Spirit breathed by... one or more of the other four?)

don't ask me ask jesus he's the one that said it

# ? Sep 28, 2016 18:25

rap music: Mar 11, 2006

zonohedron posted:

...twofold Trinity? Either this is the weirdest variation on Patripassionism ever, in which case someone needs to point out that 'Trinity' involves 'three', or there's six Persons in the dual Godhead? (Or are there five, with one Spirit breathed by... one or more of the other four?)

Maybe the two fold trinity means the trinity above and the trinity below, or within. After all we are made in His image so perhaps this trinity is in heaven as it is in us.

# ? Sep 28, 2016 18:53

Worthleast: Nov 25, 2012; Possibly the only speedboat jumps I've planned

Christianity Thread II: To the Trinity and beyond.

# ? Sep 28, 2016 18:56

Paladinus: Jan 11, 2014; heyHEYYYY!!!

Omnidimensional googleplex trinitrinity.

# ? Sep 28, 2016 18:58

rap music: Mar 11, 2006

all i know is i have the most trinities

# ? Sep 28, 2016 19:04

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# ? May 10, 2024 14:33

Ceciltron: Jan 11, 2007; Text BEEP to 43527 for the dancing robot!; Pillbug

rap music posted:

all i know is i have the most trinities

What if I have a copy of Blade 3: Trinity, does that mean I have 9 trinities?

# ? Sep 28, 2016 19:05

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