|
quote:I only recently realized my husband of 21 years has Asberger's. It has helped me to see why he's always been completely neglectful of me and self-involved, obsessive with his many hobbies - but never time nor communication with me and our two non-Aspie kids, whom I raised almost entirely alone. I want out but I dont' know how. Please share how you divorced these men - mine will be angry and take everything I have. Any help on what to say or how to deal with someone that has no concern for his wife's feelings? He always believes he's in the right. Thank you. quote:Thank you all for sharing your experience. I would like to ask you one thing (I’m a foreigner, so sorry for any mistake I may make). quote:I've really been blessed by reading these comments. I think it's hard for many to understand what the issues with our "non abusive" aspergers husbands are. my mother recently told me, at least he doesn't hit you. like really that ess all I should expect. I've been married for 15 years now to one. he works( keyboard issues on my phone, please forgive), but is not a good provider, especially considering his abilities, I can never resolve any issue as I'm always wrong, at fault, " stupid". I've rai sed his two sons,also with Aspergers, that's how I realized he had it, trying to raise them on my own. neither he or the mother did anything but make it harder, almost impossible. ive done it, both sons know, I'm the "only real parent" and we now have a daughter together. she sees all the dysfunction. my health is a complete wreck, or I would leave, and my daughter has health concerns, or I still would leave. I just no longer, after giving him my everything for all these years, and sacrificing my mental and physical health can leave with her. I have few job skills, that I can employe dueto my health. my husband is calm and genital, but he never responds, and even reapeated calm requests to a response get nothing, or a very delayed and still passive aggressive response, or sometimes anger. I never know, what he "hears" whenever something goes wrong he didn't "know" or "hear". even if I just told him! and i can't possibly tell him every single little thing. lists and notes don't help. repeated reminders dont help, he constantly undermines whatever I'm doing with the children and family and then claims ignorance yet his IQ is through the roof. I'm an affectionate person yet I haven't had a kiss, in many years. Truly I'm just venting here! I can't believe they will no longer even diagnose Aspergers syndrome, much less Cassandra's, but let me tell you I have Cassandra, and 3 of my 4 family members have it. my daughter loves her father, I fostered and helped him develope a relationship with all the children, however he can't " empathise" with them, and the guys can't empathise with me, I'm going bonkers, and my daughter has to see it all. I've damaged my spine, and more due to his direct inability to follow any requests, that basically incapacitated me. I have no family our friends support, they typically can't see the issue with my "affitable" husband. quote:I was originally drawn to my husband because he was a math whiz. He knew everything about computers and could fix anything that broke. He had a sweet and quiet nature with handsome angelic looks. We dated for four years and at the time he did not own his own practice. He seemed to have a gentle strength. I was a single mom who had been married to a narcissist so a humble not so experienced man seemed just perfect. What I failed to really understand at the time was the following. He had no meaningful friendships. He never took the initiative to connect with people. He did excellent in school but had no social IQ,He never asked me questions that had any personal depth. After 4 years of dating I had to ask him what his intentions were because I did not want to continue to date him forever. Since we never lived together prior to marriage I only saw the good qualities he could bring for a visit or a weekend where he could then go to his home and lose himself in his computer. After 13 years of marriage I finally figured out that he had Aspergers. I spent so many lonely evenings crying in the shower. I thought I wasn't pretty enough because he never complimented me. I thought I couldn't cook good enough because I never got oohs and ahhs. At one point I thought he could be homosexual because he was only interested in sex about every 6-8 weeks. Even when holding him in an embrace i never felt like I could ever really reach into his heart. All in all, I became a bitchy, tired, mother to my husband. I started to point out that he was detached, not a team player. I told him he needed to help in the house and spend time with our kids. I started to tell him where he was falling short. The more I complained the more frustrated and angry I became the more he shut down and refused to interact until one day after having had an accident that landed him in the hospital, shortly after that he just walked out. He stated that he no longer loved me and wanted to be alone. I feel like I gave up so many years helping him in his practice, being responsible for the home and all in it. Losing myself in the process and never feeling any sort of appreciation or empathy for anything I might have experienced in life with him. If I had known and understood earlier perhaps we could have made it. So remember if you are in a marriage with an aspie and you are frustrated beyond hope stop criticizing it will go no where. Get help from a professional who deals with Aspergers and nothing less as many councelors do not know how to treat. If you are dating seriously think twice before getting married. You will never achieve complete relationship the way you hope for as sweet as they seem at first. My aspie is divorcing me and in many ways that makes me sad as I would have stayed if he sought help. Truly being without him feels no different than when we where married. Yes I miss the good I remember but I would rather be alone with the kids than married in our home with the illusion of a marriage. Sad to report the kids state they wouldn't want him back in the house and that they are more comfortable living without him. quote:et out while you are young- I waited til age 58 and am starting over with nothing.
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 05:32 |
|
|
# ? May 13, 2024 09:34 |
|
Holy moly those aspergers stories are hosed npr had an interesting podcsst on temporarily "curing" aspergers that gives us normies a good dose of perspective Still doesnt explain the spouses quoted here, i want to hear their origin stories. How do you fall in love with someone incapable of emotion?
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 05:58 |
quote:I thought no one is perfect and that he’s a programmer, so it’s normal.
|
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 06:07 |
|
Pick posted:
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 06:08 |
|
DOMDOM posted:
Some guys are just a little rough around the edges (like they had a crappy dad or didn't get out much or whatever) and some love and care will make a world of difference. Because men are socialized not to be open about their feelings, it can take a really long time to tell the difference between "just needs a genuine chance" and something more fixed. I think even some guys diagnosed with Aspergers don't really have it (but think they do), and some guys don't have the diagnosis who would benefit from knowing it. You only learn about people from experience. Life is complicated and everyone's a little crazy .
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 06:08 |
|
quote:I am married to one for 18 yrs now. Very self-absorbed, with "I don't care attitude". quote:Please help me!! I am 38 years old. Married to an aspie husband for 10 years. For the past few years, we only had sex like once in a year!! The only times he wanted sex was when he hoped to have a child (I guess). After having a child, the sex just stopped. He had ED problem but never want to admit it and didn't seek professional help. I told him to get a diagnosis for asperger but he get angry and in denial. He told me he was just fine. I can't even have a normal conversation with him like others. I am exhausted, frustrated, emotionally drained. I even think of commit suicide! Should I stay in this marriage for the sake of our child? At the age of 38, am I still able to find another man (who can have normal conversation with me, not after money, look etc). I felt so lonely, long for affection, empathy. I really need some supportive comment. quote:Sounds like you are a very good husband, and trying your best. quote:happy and proud of myself. Now, I am depressed, ill, have lost all confidence and feel trapped in a loveless marriage and I hate myself for it as much as I hate my husband for it. We didn't live together before marriage and both being in our 30s got married quickly and had our baby within a year, so we never had a lot of alone time. We had another child about 16 years ago and have not had sex since - AND HE HAS NEVER MENTIONED IT!!! I don't miss sex with him because he only knows what he has read from magazines and was inappropriate and unloving. I realised he had Aspergers a while ago and we went to counselling, but he only tells people what he thinks they want to hear and we got nowhere. After 23 years of inattention, his disappearing constantly for hours, getting hooked on hobbies that mean he can disappear into his own world and never interacting, with meaningless arguments that go nowhere and achive nothing, I am beaten down. Unfortunately our lives, home, income etc are tied up with a family business and if I left I know the family would write me off. I have produced the grandchildren and there is no more use for me, even though I work in the business and they would have struggle to find anyone as consciencious as me. My husband has no friends but it just doesn't bother him - as long as he can go through his routines, say the same phrases over and over, do the same things over and over, he seems happy!! I keep thinking you only have one life but I have been living a half life. It is only my children that keep me going. I am no longer the person I used to be and I am afraid she is gone forever now. quote:This is my husband. He just doesn't "get it" not at all. I feel like I'm the only person sustaining us. He's had six jobs in the last 12 months. When he's off or only working part time I work extra hours. I ask him to help out more at home but he will not. It's a constant fight. It does get worse once you are married. I will admit I have recently lost my cool and went ape poo poo nuts on him. I just can't take it anymore. I really feel like he does nothing for me and doesn't care. I recently was very ill (pneumonia) and he didn't even bother to help me out. He sat watching TV for two days and left for work early when a friend needed a ride. Is it too much to hope that he could ask if I need anything before he leaves?? Is sex seriously something I've come to beg for?? My self worth has plummeted. Everyone says they can't help this well that's bullshit because I think they are intelligent enough to at least TRY. I tried it all. Chore list. Reminders. Fighting. Begging. Being sweet as pie... It seems the only time he is happy is when I'm giving 100% and he has to give 0%. Sad but true. As of this minute in time I threw him out. (Third time this month but only times its ever happened) idk if I want him back. It's really like a life sucking vampire not a husband. He once told me I was his light in a dark place. Well... He took all my light and now I'm in the dark. But it's not all doom and gloom, people can take initiative and have good relationships, quote:Part 1: Hey, I'm an aspie husband too and work hard to be as good a partner as I can be. Fortunately, I seem to be lower on the spectrum than many of the husbands described here. I click with what you wrote in a lot of ways - I am the breadwinner, I support my wife pursuing her interests, I have immense respect for her, I do lots of nice things for her, try to help around the house, etc. I don't know if low libido is really an aspie thing, my wife gets as much as wants, for as long as she wants, whenever she wants, and however she wants (about 10 to 16 times a week). She gets massages and flowers and treats, breakfast in bed 4 days a week, I make her nice meals when I'm home, etc. (kinda stuck come mother's day!). I'm very very rarely angry and it's usually a single outburst (just shouting). Happens maybe once every few years or so. We've been together over 20 years. She gets mad at me quite often, but she's almost always right and I own up to my mistakes right away. I'm honestly quite selfless and have an intense drive to help others. I'm in health care in a small community and it's not uncommon for me head out at 9pm on a Sunday to help someone.
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 06:21 |
|
Pick posted:Some guys are just a little rough around the edges (like they had a crappy dad or didn't get out much or whatever) and some love and care will make a world of difference. Because men are socialized not to be open about their feelings, it can take a really long time to tell the difference between "just needs a genuine chance" and something more fixed. I think even some guys diagnosed with Aspergers don't really have it (but think they do), and some guys don't have the diagnosis who would benefit from knowing it. You only learn about people from experience. Life is complicated and everyone's a little crazy . On the other hand, way too many people are in lovely relationships because they think they will be ~the one~ who can get that abusive emotionless rear end in a top hat to soften and finally open up.
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 06:22 |
|
Pick posted:I don't miss sex with him because he only knows what he has read from magazines and was inappropriate and unloving. I really hope that means this guy started busting out the weird sex tips from Cosmo or something
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 06:33 |
|
Rockin Orthodontist posted:Plus some of them look like real catches. Decent looking, good job, spends lots of time at home. Isn't abusive, cheating, or an addict. not doing something wrong doesn't mean you also aren't doing anything right
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 06:52 |
|
this thread used to be about making fun of redditors and now it's just really sad
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 07:14 |
|
Yeah, people voluntarily wasting their lives on marriages with literal retards. So sad, not funny at all. It's not like they have any choice or agency.
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 07:43 |
|
It's pretty cruel to post stuff like that on a goon forum.
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 08:19 |
|
Farg posted:not doing something wrong doesn't mean you also aren't doing anything right Exactly. I'm not saying they are in a good situation, I'm saying it can be hard for them to explain to outsiders what is so bad about it.
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 08:34 |
pick please stop ruining all the relationship threads either by either posting walls of sad things or about yourself, there can be a lighthearted balance in the middle and I believe in you
|
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 08:52 |
|
yeeeah like can we just put a moratorium on the aspie stories because holy gently caress those are just sad. reeeeal sad.
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 09:43 |
|
They are actually hilarious to the extreme and we could use more of them.
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 09:43 |
|
One time... when i was a kid... wrestling with my cousin scot for fun... he pinned my legs over my head.. and squeezed a fart outof me... his bangs moved like a breeze hit and he made this face like he needed air to breathe and an ermagerd meme and turned to the side trying to get fresh air and let me go amidst laughter all around.... was hilarious.... from yells to laughter.... then when i was older and foolin around with my gf... slidin off bed in the moment.. so i said hey scoot up and she arched her back to scoot up the bed and queefed in my face... and my bangs n hair moved like a breeze hit... and we both laughed lovingly.... really hard.... made me hungrier.... dunno if thats kharma but... its still hilarious.... dunno what i did to get later gf kickin in face spasming as she came yelling gawd gawd stop a sec everythings tingly and i kept going just to see whatd happen and her leg spasmd right into my head kickin me.... but it was funny too... she twitched bit more and apologized amidst laughs
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 09:46 |
|
berth ell pup
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 10:09 |
|
Looks like several of these women were in previous relationships with abusive guys, so being with an emotionless robot looks pretty good when your black eye has just healed up. Fifteen years later, though, the decision looks....less good. These stories are pretty sad, though, Jesus, starting over at 58 sounds hellish.
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 13:26 |
|
OK a little palette cleanser to get the aspie taste of sadness out My husband [24M] came out as pansexual and told me [25F] he was in love with another person as well as me and wants to move him in with us in two weeks. I'm a mom to [2/M]. quote:Last night my husband Danny told me he was pansexual and he'd met a guy called Jeff online who he was attracted to, he told me I could have another lover if I wanted but I said no, I'm monogamous and always will be. We have a 2 year old son. "honey i met a guy online and he's moving in so we can bang, but don't worry, he's starting with a 90 day trial." Though reading the OPs comments I'm starting to think this is a clever troll... in response to why Danny is moving so fast with the Jeff move in situation posted:Beats me. But I've also seen my husband masturbating to the new Justin Timberlake video a lot whilst he watches YouTube, keeps claiming "Cristy in the video is loving hot, god, I'd wear that skirt if I could."
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 13:55 |
|
Pick why did you post all these sad stories about abused women. I am p sure this thread is for funny stories. Why are you punishing us.
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 14:21 |
|
These two pair very well together:quote:'bro and buddy' are the only words of affection my boyfriend [26M] of 2 years uses on me [24F]. is this weird ? quote:Me 25F with man I'm dating 27M for a couple weeks, he keeps using cutesy language that makes my vagina cringe
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 14:25 |
|
DOMDOM posted:My husband [24M] came out as pansexual and told me [25F] he was in love with another person as well as me and wants to move him in with us in two weeks. I'm a mom to [2/M]. 'my husband is in love with another man and wants him to move in with us. Also, he orders a lot pizza, what's um with that? '
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 14:36 |
|
rage against the Maureen posted:'my husband is in love with another man and wants him to move in with us. Also, he orders a lot pizza, what's um with that? ' Also the husband bought her a surprise Cadillac. If that's a 2016 then he just spent $35k to $50k unannounced. In no way is he trying to buy her acceptance here.
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 14:47 |
|
That poor girl is setting herself up to be one of those future "married to an aspie" posters
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 14:48 |
|
Gluten Freeman posted:These two pair very well together: Hahaha I cannot imagine using that kind of cutesy language. Kissy wissy? It must feel like texting a weird aunt, or perhaps a particularly gross uncle
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 15:09 |
|
Dial-a-Dog posted:Hahaha I cannot imagine using that kind of cutesy language. Kissy wissy? It must feel like texting a weird aunt, or perhaps a particularly gross uncle The cutesy language is the worse of the two, but when she says her womb/vagina is sad/cringing it's also really bad.
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 15:15 |
|
rolled up newspaper and a squirt bottle on mr kissy wissy over there. good god drat
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 15:15 |
|
Zahgaegun posted:Also the husband bought her a surprise Cadillac. If that's a 2016 then he just spent $35k to $50k unannounced. wait till she finds out that Cadillac is really for Jeff
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 15:15 |
|
brotato posted:Pick why did you post all these sad stories about abused women. I am p sure this thread is for funny stories. Why are you punishing us. You think this is bad, try dating them!
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 15:20 |
|
please don't doxx me, danny and I are in love
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 15:21 |
|
Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:please don't doxx me, danny and I are in love Tell us about the pizza
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 15:22 |
|
Cutesy language guy is probably insufferable but the reddit post was also insanely melodramatic about it "when my boyfriend says 'kissy wissy' I can no longer see him as a man; it's basically like if he dressed up as my grandma and then poo poo himself"
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 15:23 |
|
Pick posted:You think this is bad, try dating them! Gaunab posted:3) Don't talk about how cool your relationships or sex life is; no one cares.
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 15:25 |
|
DOMDOM posted:OK a little palette cleanser to get the aspie taste of sadness out Ahh, that's the good stuff.
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 15:26 |
|
subway masturbator posted:The cutesy language is the worse of the two, but when she says her womb/vagina is sad/cringing it's also really bad. Years ago, I sent my girlfriend at the time a "texty text" as a How I Met Your Mother reference, and she responded with a similar vagina clamming up comment. It did kill any desire I had to be cutesy, that's for sure.
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 15:27 |
|
loquacius posted:Cutesy language guy is probably insufferable but the reddit post was also insanely melodramatic about it I consider dressing up as grandma and making GBS threads himself to be less shameful and annoying than the baby talk. I would just directly tell him to knock that poo poo out though rather than reddit posting about it.
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 15:31 |
|
I don't even talk that cutesy to animals, like good god drat. Also I love you bro is hilarious. I hope the guy doesn't even think they're dating, he's just real friendly.
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 15:31 |
|
Religion, Irrational anger, treating people like possessions, this one has it all. I (24m) found out my gf (24f) of one year had lied to me about being a virgin. We're both Catholic. She insulted me badly and I got angry. What should I do next? quote:I'm 24, very religious catholic, never had sex or a girlfriend before, a virgin, and I believe in sex after marriage only.
|
# ? Oct 3, 2016 15:37 |
|
|
# ? May 13, 2024 09:34 |
|
Zulily Zoetrope posted:Years ago, I sent my girlfriend at the time a "texty text" as a How I Met Your Mother reference, and she responded with a similar vagina clamming up comment. It did kill any desire I had to be cutesy, that's for sure. Gotcha. I just felt a bit weirded out because she wrote that three times in that post when once was enough to get the point across. Bonzo posted:Religion, Irrational anger, treating people like possessions, this one has it all. Both are terrible people Space Kablooey fucked around with this message at 15:40 on Oct 3, 2016 |
# ? Oct 3, 2016 15:38 |