/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Nissin Cup Nudist: Sep 3, 2011; Sleep with one eye open

We're off to Gritty Gritty land

DOMDOM posted:

A guy [30's M] in my [30's F] office doesn't wear underwear.

new thead hero sighted

I work with a guy who I'm pretty sure goes commando under his pants and is also named Greg

But I don't work in an office

# ? Oct 20, 2016 15:18

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# ? May 11, 2024 19:54

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Shut up Greg.

# ? Oct 20, 2016 15:23

Quote-Unquote: Oct 22, 2002

Pete for President Greg for Vice President
Machete Date Lady for Secretary of Defence.

# ? Oct 20, 2016 15:26

nomad2020: Jan 30, 2007

I think we should all get together and give his wife knowing looks during the next company get together. Until then we keep it strictly office gossip.

# ? Oct 20, 2016 15:27

Rondette: Nov 4, 2009; Your friendly neighbourhood Postie.; Grimey Drawer

loquacius posted:

Cleavage is like right up near the face though

I'm having trouble thinking of poses this guy could strike in an office setting that would display his crotch that prominently, like he walks over to your cube, plops one foot down on your desk, leans on that knee, and starts talking about your TPS reports or something

Who needs poses

# ? Oct 20, 2016 15:27

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

Oh hey it's this girl again-

My [24f] FWB [24m] of 5 years is continuously disrespecting me during sex by cumming inside me without telling me until after. What the gently caress?

quote:

When I'm not on birth control, we either use pull out method or condoms. I'm not on BC right now and he is aware.

A week ago, we had sex on my period for the first time. He said he was going to wear a condom, and he presumably went to get one while I was changing my tampon. The lights were off because I didn't want him to see anything. After, he went to wash his dick off, which I found strange since I thought he was wearing a condom. I point blank asked if he wore a condom, he said yes. The next day, he texted me saying he didn't pull out or use a condom and I should get plan B. I didn't get mad, just said ok thanks for telling me. I wasn't SUPER concerned because I know it's so unlikely to get pregnant on your period and I had only been on the 2nd day of mine. It lasted another 6 days.

Last night, we had an awesome sex session for an hour. Before it, I told him to make sure he pulls out, he said yeah, I wasn't worried because he always pulls out, even when he's super drunk. (except for the week before). After we finished, I asked if he pulled out? He said no. WTF. I was like ok... that's not good. Then he just got up and left and took a shower and didn't even invite me.

Then he was cooking food for us and I wasn't really talking because I was kind of pissed. When we went to bed he tried to initiate sex again and I was like "ummm no you don't deserve a blowjob.." and he was like "wtf?" And i told him I'm kind of pissed off that he came inside me. He just said "oh" and we went to bed. He never brought it up again.

WTF???? How can someone be so unconcerned? He's not a stupid guy, he's an engineer and just bought a house and I don't think he wants a kid since he told me to take plan B the first time. But seriously is this some dominant type of fetish or what? How can he just not care? I've always felt guys should be uber concerned because they are the ones who don't really have any control if a pregnancy does happen. I'm concerned too, but at least I know that I can make the ultimate decision regarding a pregnancy. So what the hell is up with this kid? I'm so confused.

tl;dr: FWB is seemingly careless and does not give a gently caress if I get pregnant or not. WTF? How can someone just not care? I'm so confused.

She also tried to post this story in r/sex.

How can this girl be so goddamn dumb

quote:

Yeah. I mean we are more than FWB and we are exclusive just not in a full blown relationship yet. It's complicated. But I agree it was still idiotic behavior.

quote:

No you're totally right. I'm not going to see him again. The sex is pretty good, but he's never even made me cum, despite his best efforts, so I'm always slightly unsatisfied anyway.

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! fucked around with this message at 15:46 on Oct 20, 2016

# ? Oct 20, 2016 15:42

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

Yeah, don't make him wear a condom or anything you dumbshit.

This is how dumb kids get conceived.

# ? Oct 20, 2016 15:46

DOMDOM: Apr 28, 2007; Fun Shoe

quote:

I point blank asked if he wore a condom, he said yes. The next day, he texted me saying he didn't pull out or use a condom and I should get plan B. I didn't get mad, just said ok thanks for telling me.

I ain't even mad bro, you know, about the lying and trying to impregnate me stuff, tee hee

# ? Oct 20, 2016 15:48

Ichabod Tane: Oct 30, 2005; A most notable
coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality.

https://youtu.be/_Ojd0BdtMBY?t=4

The worst part is that she doesn't realize how unimportant she is.

# ? Oct 20, 2016 15:50

Mocking Bird: Aug 17, 2011

Exclusive FWB is my favorite thing

It means one person wants a relationship and the other is willing to pretend they are only banging one person

# ? Oct 20, 2016 15:51

Jack Trades: Nov 30, 2010

He was like "I might have ruined your life for the next 18+ years." and I'm like "hmm, m'kay, whatever..."

# ? Oct 20, 2016 15:52

DOMDOM: Apr 28, 2007; Fun Shoe

The sex was great!

He's never even made me cum.

Girl, you dumb.

# ? Oct 20, 2016 15:53

FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

DOMDOM posted:

The sex was great!

He's never even made me cum.

Girl, you dumb.

Glad I'm not the only one who found that straight up stupid.

# ? Oct 20, 2016 15:54

DOMDOM: Apr 28, 2007; Fun Shoe

Can you guess the ages?

How often should I( (35M) expect to hear from my gf ( 31F) of 1 year when she's on vacation?

quote:

My girlfriend has been on one business trip and one vacation to visit a friend this month, both without me. I miss her and feel like I don't hear from her enough when she's gone. For the most part, I won't hear back from a text for hours, once it even took over 6 hours for her to get back to me. She's called a few times, but not regularly and I even had one instance where she didn't text good night (as we've done every day for the year or so since we've been seriously dating) until well after she knew I'd be asleep.

I feel, strongly, that I'm being insecure. Counterpoint, she's been gone for most of the month of October and I miss her and this is the only way I have to keep in touch. So, I need some reassurance from folks. How often do you hear from your girlfriend or boyfriend when they're away on a trip?

tl;dr: What's a normal level of communication when your SO is away?

# ? Oct 20, 2016 16:00

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Jeffnote: every once in awhile I'm tempted to edit one of these to make it funnier and post it somewhere else as fiction, this one sounds like a curb episode

My [25M] boss was murdered, now I'm wondering how long to wait before asking for a raise.

quote:

Sorry if this is a bit all over the place, things are a bit crazy.

I work for a fairly new company that I joined almost at the very beginning, it is a small company that is headed by two guys Joe and Jeff who have been friends for over 20 years. We are spread out across different sites so I never worked directly with any of them but I corresponded with them and saw them every now and then.

Now to the tragic part, on the weekend Joe was murdered. I don't want to get into the details but it left everyone devastated and confused. He was very well liked and very good at his job.

Jeff took it very hard, he actually found out when a local newspaper called him for comment. He had also just spoken to Joe the morning it happened. Joe is committed to the company though and is making sure we are all taken care of.

Here is the part where I may seem insensitive. When I found out I was literally in the middle of writing Joe and Jeff an email asking to meet for a wage review. I had spoken unofficially with Joe on Friday where he told me I had good reviews from the client and I felt like he was encouraging me to ask. What I want to know is, how long should I wait before actually sending Jeff this email? I obviously want to let everything settle down but also my life still goes on and I have bills to pay.

tl;dr: my boss was murdered, was supposed to have a meeting about a raise, how long to wait to bring it up again?

# ? Oct 20, 2016 16:04

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

DOMDOM posted:

Can you guess the ages?

How often should I( (35M) expect to hear from my gf ( 31F) of 1 year when she's on vacation?

I mean, tbf I'm a worrier too

Me when I'm out without my wife: Jeez, stop checking in on me :rolleyes:

I'm just tryna have a good time out here, no need to harsh my buzz, this bird you cannot change :c00l:

Me when my wife is out without me: She hasn't texted me back and it's been twenty entire minutes :ohdear:

What if she's DEAD

# ? Oct 20, 2016 16:08

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Jeffnote: every once in awhile I'm tempted to edit one of these to make it funnier and post it somewhere else as fiction, this one sounds like a curb episode

My [25M] boss was murdered, now I'm wondering how long to wait before asking for a raise.

I'm picturing that 9/11 Seinfeld script. In the next episode George is in this situation.

# ? Oct 20, 2016 16:10

kuddles: Jul 16, 2006; Like a fist wrapped in blood...

Leon Einstein posted:

Yeah, don't make him wear a condom or anything you dumbshit.

This is how dumb kids get conceived.

Seriously, this should be the absolute first lesson to girls in sex ed: If he says he's an expert at the pull-out method, he's either somebody who will fail at doing it at some point or he will pretend to fail at doing it at some point.

# ? Oct 20, 2016 16:11

Samuel L. ACKSYN: Feb 29, 2008

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Jeffnote: every once in awhile I'm tempted to edit one of these to make it funnier and post it somewhere else as fiction, this one sounds like a curb episode

My [25M] boss was murdered, now I'm wondering how long to wait before asking for a raise.

sometimes in life you just have to think "what would george costanza do?"

the answer is tell jeff that joe promised you a raise right before gettin murdered

# ? Oct 20, 2016 16:12

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

I'm like 75% sure that literal plot literally happened on Friends at some point

# ? Oct 20, 2016 16:14

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

In my version the OP inadvertently caused the murder.

# ? Oct 20, 2016 16:16

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

My [40 F] son [20 M] refuses to speak to me or his father [41 M] because he blames us for his previous life-time of obesity.

quote:

Long time reader first time poster. Made this account just to put this submission up.

I had my first son when I was nineteen, and my second (the one who is the topic of this post) when I was twenty, and my daughter at twenty-two. I was very young, but my husband came from a supportive and well-to-do family, so we made it through (they allowed me and him to attend and graduate college despite having three kids! They paid for the whole thing, they are absolutely priceless people.) I am actually a fantastic mother, I work VERY hard for my family, but when I was younger we were often very busy because of our circumstances and there wasn't always time to focus 10000% on nutrition. My eldest son and daughter did just fine, and grew up healthy, like normal kids, but my younger son didn't. He quickly ballooned up after ten, and kept growing. Again, I know this isn't my fault; I have two kids that grew up completely fine, and we were eating what any normal family would eat. The problem is that he was always eating, and would never stop. He went to college two years ago, however, and started taking responsibility for himself and lost all the weight. He looks very good now and I'm happy for him, or I was until now. He also began weightlifting (which I have pointed out that I'm not particularly approval of) but I prefer to the previous alternative. I have some reason to believe he is taking steroids (he mixes in drugs/powders with his food) but he COMPLETELY denies this. On to the central problem.

I have had excellent relationships with all three of my children, up until recently. He has stopped speaking to me because he said that he "resents me" for "making him fat". I'm quoting him directly from the melodramatic email he sent me, it wasn't like something he said in anger over the phone. I won't post the email here because it is long and filled with lies but essentially he blames his being fat for every problem and misery he's ever had, and then blames his fatness on me. I called him and pointed out that his sister and brother did fine and he conviently ignores that to. He makes accusations like wildfire and brings back all this bs from when he was a kid. When he was 13 or so he blamed me for not supporting his "diet"- (when he was this age he read a bunch of crap and started making demands that we not buy junk food in the house anymore to lose weight, which of course is unfair to his siblings and me, who enjoy that food to!)

It basically came to a long argument and he concluded that he wasn't going to speak to me until I apologized for "misnutritioning" him for so many years. We have not spoken since and he has ignored my phone calls.

I'm currently not paying for his college (which was our decision- we believe that it's important to work hard when you are young, which has failed to impress on his mind). However, the downside is that he feels comfortable ignoring us. I'm heartbroken over this, and have absolutely no clue how to handle this. I want to have a good relationship with my son, and he is making this very tough. Please help! Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you immensly.

tl;dr: Adult son blames me for having gotten him obese as a child despite already losing the weight. Won't speak to me at all! Feels comfortable ignoring his own mother, and tries to shame me for not being 10000% perfect, and telling me that I should've somehow controlled what HE ate. I just want my loving son back.

quote:

No, I do not think lifting weights is healthy. It have been proven to destroy your back and joints. Muscle growth is swollen injuries. And again, the habit supports his steriods use
revision: some people are trying to debate me on this, I'm not going to argue with you about medical science. Google it and knowledge yourself if you are so inclined.

quote:

I appreciate your comments, but this isn't true. You'd be amazed at the propoganda (that's basically lieing ads) that is made to make people think doing this crazy stuff is healthy by the "fitness" industry...

# ? Oct 20, 2016 16:43

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; Buglord

loquacius posted:

I'm like 75% sure that literal plot literally happened on Friends at some point

Nah, that's a Curb Your Enthusiasm plot if I've ever seen one

# ? Oct 20, 2016 16:47

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

quote:

No, I do not think lifting weights is healthy. It have been proven to destroy your back and joints. Muscle growth is swollen injuries.

Lady, what the gently caress is wrong with your brain?

# ? Oct 20, 2016 16:49

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Improbable Lobster posted:

Nah, that's a Curb Your Enthusiasm plot if I've ever seen one

I looked it up, Rachel's boss (Joanna, the one who handcuffed Chandler to a chair that one time) promised her a promotion to keep her from leaving the company and then got hit by a cab and died before making it official. Season 4, episode 9, "The One Where They're Going To Party." :colbert:

# ? Oct 20, 2016 16:50

JimsonTheBetrayer: Oct 13, 2010; Game's over, and fuck you Jimson. It's not my fault that you guys couldn't get your shit together by deadline. No one gets access to docs because I don't fucking care anymore, I hope you all enjoyed ruining my game, and there won't be another.

Immediately. And keep making comments that infer the same might happen to them if you DON'T get paid what your worth.

# ? Oct 20, 2016 16:51

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; Buglord

loquacius posted:

I looked it up, Rachel's boss (Joanna, the one who handcuffed Chandler to a chair that one time) promised her a promotion to keep her from leaving the company and then got hit by a cab and died before making it official. Season 4, episode 9, "The One Where They're Going To Party."

Welp

# ? Oct 20, 2016 16:53

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

HardDiskD posted:

Because she discovered her affair late (as in, almost "ready to pop") in the pregnancy. I think if she had discovered it earlier she would have no problems with it.

It's ok, I have it on good authority that they can rip the baby out of the mother for an abortion during the 9th month, even the day before.

# ? Oct 20, 2016 16:55

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

yeah but at that point the baby might survive and thats just cruel

# ? Oct 20, 2016 16:57

Zulily Zoetrope: Jun 1, 2011; Muldoon

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

My [40 F] son [20 M] refuses to speak to me or his father [41 M] because he blames us for his previous life-time of obesity.

I don't know the quality of responses on r/elationships, and I've no intention of reading any, but I can only assume everyone is telling her she hosed up and should apologize, and she's steamed because she just wanted the internet to tell her she's in the right.

# ? Oct 20, 2016 17:08

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

Zulily Zoetrope posted:

I don't know the quality of responses on r/elationships, and I've no intention of reading any, but I can only assume everyone is telling her she hosed up and should apologize, and she's steamed because she just wanted the internet to tell her she's in the right.

You should really read the comments. They're tearing into her.

# ? Oct 20, 2016 17:11

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

I bet she could have gotten sympathy if she posted it on Tumblr :v:

I like how every time that lady typed "10000%" you could tell she meant "1%"

# ? Oct 20, 2016 17:11

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

I think she's okay on the food thing if his siblings are fine, but not paying for his school after her inlaws paid for hers seems pretty cruel. "We want to frontload your suffering by making stress about money *and* school right now" seems more like a weird rationalization of being able but unwilling to pay for school than a valid parenting strategy.

Obviously the weights thing is completely batshit but I'm gonna slyly ignore that part.

# ? Oct 20, 2016 17:12

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Oh god, I missed the part where she insists that his protein powder is steroids. This is amazing :allears:

# ? Oct 20, 2016 17:12

nomad2020: Jan 30, 2007

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

not paying for his school after her inlaws paid for hers seems pretty cruel. "We want to frontload your suffering by making stress about money *and* school right now" seems more like a weird rationalization of being able but unwilling to pay for school than a valid parenting strategy.

Did you miss the part about me having and raising three children?

Clearly son just needs to knock someone up and they'd gladly pay.

nomad2020 fucked around with this message at 17:19 on Oct 20, 2016

# ? Oct 20, 2016 17:16

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

Gaunab posted:

You should really read the comments. They're tearing into her.

Yeah, every once in a while r/relationships is all on the same page calling bullshit on the OP and it's very refreshing

# ? Oct 20, 2016 17:16

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

nomad2020 posted:

Did you miss the part about me having and raising three children?

Clearly son just needs to knock someone up and they'd gladly pay.

Yeah if the son really wants to own them, a call to grandma on the matter might shake things up.

# ? Oct 20, 2016 17:21

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

So I (18M) like this girl (18F) except she has the same first and last name as my mom

dealbreaker imo

# ? Oct 20, 2016 17:26

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

imo just marry her ASAP and then she'll have a new last name!

# ? Oct 20, 2016 17:28

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# ? May 11, 2024 19:54

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

loquacius posted:

dealbreaker imo

# ? Oct 20, 2016 17:27

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