Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

What's everyone's take on all the phone snooping? I mean it catches cheaters but drat, that's a violation of privacy.

HardDiskD posted:

I (23/M) inadvertently hit my girlfriend (22/M) in the face really hard because she tickled me (and she knows I'm ticklish), but now shes acting like I deliberately did it.

The Snoo posted:

I hate both of these people, her for doing someone she knows gets semi-uncontrollable physical responses, and him for saying 'she reaped what she sowed' and worrying about his ~reputation~

like my husband and I gently caress around and tickle/mess with each other and we both have that instinctive kicking/wiggling that happens, but we don't blame each other for it. one time he fell off the bed and scratched the heck out of my cheek trying to hold onto me and I didn't get all pissy and think he did it on purpose, and I have loving BPD

also I'm okay with my husband knowing my passwords and I know his as well, I've been able to deal with a lot of the anxiety by now and we're both open with each other. it can be a problem if it becomes controlling or fueled by jealousy, I know. luckily we're both just so stupid and poor that there's nothing to worry about

Gaunab posted:

I don't know. If someone started calling me an abuser when I wasn't I'd be pretty upset.

Gaunab posted:

I don't know. If someone started calling me an abuser when I wasn't I'd be pretty upset.

Dial-a-Dog posted:

Yeah it said he apologized right away and took her to the doctor. What else does she want? The guy has a (ridiculous) uncontrollable reflex, it's not like he can go to anger management or whatever

Khorne posted:

Yeah. It's real hosed up that she is telling people he deliberately hit her and wants him to "own up to" something he didn't intentionally do.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Yeah telling her friends that he beat her is some ridiculous scorched earth, I dunno how things could recover from there.

Irradiation posted:

When I was 6 I decided to scare my dad awake when he was napping on the couch and in the process of being startled awake he smacked me in the eye. Cue me as a 1st grader telling my teacher when she asked how I got that black eye that "oh my dad hit me" and the resulting poo poo storm that started. Sorry dad.

quote:

My boyfriend is the most romantic and thoughtful man I have ever known. He's never been the guy to make jokes at my expense - in fact his good guy friend jokes about cheating on his girl all the time and one time that friend and my bf's dad were joking about side chicks and my boyfriend and I were there and my boyfriend leaned in to whisper to me "You're the only one for me". He's pulled me in to slow dance in the kitchen at holiday family gatherings while everyone else stands around talking. He's given me thoughtful gifts and flowers and always does little things to make me feel good.

Then today I called him on my lunch break and we were having a great conversation and then I read some lyrics of a song I had heard on the radio earlier. These lyrics were so romantic and they sounded exactly like him. I was all excited saying "isn't that a beautiful song? It sounds like what you say to me all the time!" So there was a line about growing old together and the only thing my boyfriend said was "Except when we get old I'll need to leave you for a replacement, younger wife!"

I got quiet and there was silence and he asked if I was okay but my voice gave me away and so he got mad. I said I wasn't mad but it hurt to hear and he said "It's just a JOKE, I can't joke with you? Think rationally right now- do you ACTUALLY think I would ever do that to you?" I told him it bothered me not because I thought it would happen but because that wasn't "him", he never joked like that ever. Not once. He said "well I just did". I apologized and said I would try to laugh off the next one. He said he was having a great day until this. Hours later he texted saying he was sorry and would never joke like that again.

It just shocks me because he's not that kind of guy. I know he would never leave me, even if he started making jokes that he would. But his best guy friend has actually cheated on his girlfriend before so I had never been surprised to hear rude jokes coming from him. I was always proud that my boyfriend's sense of humor reflected his true self.

Am I overreacting?

tl;dr Boyfriend made a joke about leaving me after I told him about a romantic song that reminded me of him. I got teary and he got mad. Did I overreact?

Gaunab posted:

I don't know. If someone started calling me an abuser when I wasn't I'd be pretty upset.

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

My boyfriend [24 M] joked about leaving me [24 F] for a younger woman someday when he's never joked about leaving or cheating before.

loquacius posted:

Ok I'm gonna blame this on this thread

but only because I have no idea what is going on

e: to clarify this was a post about my weird new av, but I think it's because I made a joke about Trump's impending child molestation lawsuit

quote:

Me (24f) with my bf (26m). He sort of hit me and I don't know how to feel.

So we have been together for about a year now. We have a pretty good relationship, made an offer on a house to buy and currently live together at his parents house. It's a bit of a strain on both of us because his parents hate each other and his mom is a stereotypical "mother in law" (if we were married) with condescending remarks about my cooking, etc. But we make it work and rarely fight.

Something we do once in awhile is horseplay. Tickling, poking and goofing off etc. I know it's annoying to him but I always thought it was annoying in the way anyone would be annoyed by being tickled. If at any point in time he would have sat me down outside of the horseplay, told me that he didn't like it and it made him physically uncomfortable, I would understand and stop. I have a lot of bad experiences in my past and I can really understand someone not being ok with certain physical touching. Anyway, last night we were goofing off and I was poking his butt and he was giving the normal squirming and laughing and just general reactions to getting tickled/tormented. Then I guess I did it too much, and he karate chopped my knee really hard to make me stop- like not holding back anything I feel. And he's runs a construction business so he is pretty strong with his upper body strength.

At first I was shocked and sat there for a minute until it registered that I was in a lot of pain, then I started crying from the pain and also because I realized I had probably upset him and crossed a personal line that i wasn't aware existed. I immediately apologized to him for annoying him and that I didn't stop but his reaction really hurt my knee. My leg has been numb on an off all day today and that knee is particularly sensitive because I have knee problems my whole life.

I perpetuated the incident but I really feel like he should have apologized as soon as he hit me. Instead he waited until I apologized and then yelled at me that he told me he didn't like it but I honestly don't feel like he did. I guess it was blurred consent? I mean if he had been serious I would have totally stopped but when you're tickling your SO and they never told you seriously they hated being tickled, would you immediately stop? This is not the first time I have tickled him or poked his butt, he has never expressed actually seriously hating it until now. I really don't feel like I deserved getting physically hit but I'm conflicted because I was physically assaulting him and didn't even know it.

I went to bed last night sobbing myself to sleep, and when he came up for bed he completely ignored my crying and even turned on bobs burgers I assume to drown it out, but we listen to it every night. It's just normally he turns it on immediately but last night he specifically got up in the middle of the night to turn it on. In the morning he tried to talk to me about it but I was still very hurt by the whole thing and I didn't know how to express my feelings on the matter because I think what he did was wrong and that I was also in the wrong and shouldn't have done it to begin with. I'm afraid to touch my boyfriend now, and now I'm afraid of him touching me. He is supposed to protect me, I guess? And now I don't feel safe with him.

I've had a terrible day at work because of this and not sleeping last night, and I got one text throughout the day from him saying he wants to do anything he can to win my trust back but he has barely spoken anything to me and is trying to just act like nothing happened, but I feel like there's still this elephant in the room and my heart is still broken. What if we have a kid and he is annoying my boyfriend one day and instead of explaining personal boundaries and consent, he just hits our kid and ignores his cries? He never hit me before but he has rough housed too hard and almost broke my arm and he has grabbed my wrist enough to bruise me (but I bruise easily).

How do I get past this? I want to go back to loving my boyfriend because we're not only significant others, we are best friends. But I feel like I don't even know him now.

tdlr bf and I were goofing around and I crossed a line I didn't know of and he karate chopped my leg really hard to get me to stop instead of using his words. Now I'm afraid of my boyfriend.

china bot posted:

if you can't take karate, keep your hands off his body

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

I [28 M] am very happy with my co-habitating girlfriend [52 F] of 3+ years, but not attracted to her anymore due to age

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

I [28 M] am very happy with my co-habitating girlfriend [52 F] of 3+ years, but not attracted to her anymore due to age

Gaunab posted:

Me (24f) with my bf (26m). ...

So we have been together for about a year now. ... made an offer on a house to buy and currently live together at his parents house.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

I [28 M] am very happy with my co-habitating girlfriend [52 F] of 3+ years, but not attracted to her anymore due to age

Chichevache posted:

Maybe when you two have children together it will get better and you will be attracted to her.

quote:

My (31m) Girlfriend (31f) wears old granny panties with holes in them and doesn't present herself in a way I find sexy

So the post title pretty much sums up the problem but I will add a little more detail. We've been official for a couple months but now we're not having sex often and sometimes I can't climax with her. She dresses ok although not very sexy and most her wardrobe is from Walmart. While I get it not everyone likes clothing or whatever I just can't help feeling turned off. She's also kind of lousy in bed and not very experienced. She tries but I get the feeling she just can't since it's not in her nature. In order for her to climax I have to give her head but hate doing it cause I feel like she is keeping an orgasm score card and I'm being penalized for having greater ability to climax. Also I'm just not attracted to her appearance. Since last week every time I look at her I feel repulsed and want to end things. Except for the fact she is the nicest person I've ever met. We get along great and have a lot of fun together. She has every quality I want in a partner except I just don't find her sexy. What do I do? It's beyond subtle suggestions she really isn't taking the hint she shouldn't wear underwear with holes.

Tl;Dr My girl dresses frumpy and wears holy underwear from Walmart and I don't find her sexy. Otherwise she's the greatest person I've ever met, do I adress this or leave or suck it up and give up on sex?

OP posted:

I'm a lawyer she is a therapist. She has a casual dress code and I have business professional. I'm not downing granny panties regular cotton underwear would be absolutely fine, holy underwear was the turn off. And not just one time either consistently holy old underwear.

OP posted:

Dude it's not a brief I'm riting here

Skratte posted:

quote:

orgasm score card

Skratte posted:

Skratte posted:

I'm a lawyer
riting
holy underwear

Murray Mantoinette posted:

Mods! New thread title!

Also, it's been said before, but what's up with guys that don't like giving head? I mean, sucks that that's the only way she can finish but c'mon.

quote:

suffered a miscarriage last month. I was almost through the first trimester. Agony doesn't begin to explain the depth of my pain. I feel like a failure, my hormones and body still feel so out of whack, sometimes I just break down crying over what I've lost. I'm young but I was so excited and ready for this baby.
So was my fiancé. He was great the first week or so after the miscarriage. He was supportive and he cried with me a few times. He told me we'd try again and everything would be okay. After that he started making some comments about how he wanted to understand how this happened. The doctor already explained that my immune system is to blame (I have an immune system disorder). It's like my fiancé refused this as a valid reason.

My husband is on the gluten-free band wagon. That's fine, it's his choice. I am not gluten-free. I am a healthy 25 year old woman, with the exception of my problematic immune system. I eat healthily, I work out, my lifestyle choices are sound (no smoking, minimal drinking and obviously ZERO drinking during the pregnancy, no drugs).
He started making small comments about how gluten led to the miscarriage. I shut that down and told him that my diet is healthy and not high in junk food or carbs, that gluten did not lead to this. He let it go at first.

Then he presented me with some pseudo-science articles about how gluten can "kill" your baby and can "close up shop" for your uterus. I don't have a gluten allergy, gluten didn't "kill" my baby. My educated doctor who spent years in medical school and many years as an OB/GYN has assured me that my diet didn't contribute to the miscarriage.

I flat out asked my fiancé if he blames me for the miscarriage and he said he doesn't necessarily blame me but at least now I know what to do differently next time so this doesn't happen again. In other words, he blames me. He also said that he wanted me to cut gluten out now so my body is "ready" once we start trying again.
I have been staying with my best friend since Monday because Monday evening I was crying about the miscarriage and my fiancé told me to cut it out because it makes him depressed and to stop crying over spilled milk. Comparing me suffering the loss of my child to crying over spilled milk is... I do not know if that is forgivable.

It seems he blames me, he rejects the doctor's opinion, he is insensitive to my feelings, and seems to have no idea or care how much I'm hurting and how much I already blame myself for this miscarriage.
In your opinion is this salvageable or even worth saving? My hormones and emotions are so out of whack that sometimes I wonder if I'm overthinking things. My best friend does not agree that I am overreacting and she said she does not even want to know my fiancé anymore.

tl;dr: I suffered a miscarriage and my fiancé blames my diet because I'm not gluten free. My doctor does not agree with this opinion at all but my fiancé still rejects the doctor's explanation. He told me to "stop crying over spilled milk" when I was crying about the miscarriage the other day. I love him and before this he was great, but I don't know if I can forgive him or try to have another baby with him after this.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

I [28 M] am very happy with my co-habitating girlfriend [52 F] of 3+ years, but not attracted to her anymore due to age