/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

The first mistake was "working at the same company with similar jobs".

That's a doomed proposition.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 15:14

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# ? May 12, 2024 12:35

CabaretVoltaire: Jun 10, 2003; Better than Turin Brakes.

Me [19M] in a LDR with my girlfriend [19F], she's beginning to become very high maintenance.

quote:

Gidday fellow redditors, throwaway account because she knows my reddit username.
I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for just over two years now and for the past 4 months we have been doing long distance (10 hours drive or approx $700 return flights, very expensive in my country).
I guess I should give a little background on myself, to put things in perspective. My dream is to become a professional golfer, I absolutely love the game and I spend all my time at the golf course, at the gym or at work. I've got 4 jobs, but predominantly labouring for a mate who pays me well, and work is busy for a week or two at a time before being quite quiet. I also do some web developing work in my own time. But my hobby that takes up my nights is investing. I buy and sell stock almost daily and I love it, sounds boring to some but reading annual reports and researching cash flows is something I really enjoy. So you can imagine that I was certainly open to a LDR, because I thought I would have heaps of time to do the things I want to improve at, make money or investing. Pretty much every day for me is Wake up at 6, gym, work, golf, work, investing then maybe a tv show or something then bed. I live with my parents, and they're very supportive of everything i'm doing. Anyway, what the hell am i doing, enough about me.
Things were going fine when we were together, but she moved away to study. I was really happy for her because she was leaving to become a wedding planner (event management certificate). I was so happy for her because I was worried for a while that she would stay in our small home town because I was there and I would feel absolutely terrible for it. Anyway, fast forward and I went to see her 7 weeks in to the LDR, went great! But she's emotionally a lot of work, pretty much every night since she'll call me and every night she's crying about "how much she misses me" or haggles me for hours about when i'm next going to come visit and has stated that I should be visiting every 3-4 weeks. The time off golf annoys me the most, but missing out on a weeks work, plus the flights plus food, costs me about $1500-1800. I've tried a million times to explain this but the answers i get are "all you care about is money", "you don't care enough about me to come see me", "do you not love me" etc etc.. She gets very very stressed out over tiny assignments and I always end up helping her, even though I know nothing about it (I know, i'm stopping her learning, but she just cries and cries if i don't help). When I was down there I ended up writing a whole essay for her too...
FYI, she has 20 more months of study to go.
Anyway, I guess i'm coming to you relationship genius's because I cant see the light at the end of the tunnel and wondering what to do. Is it too selfish of me to break up with her just to focus on my golf? Because these 4 months have been seriously tough work, all my spare time is usually on the phone to her when shes crying and it sucks.
The worst part is I don't know what she would do if I broke up with her, all she talks about is marriage and how much she loves me, even when shes crying. Which obviously scares me a bit. I think she would struggle to pass her course if i ended it too.
I feel like I have so much more to say, but that's the general gist of it. Any advice at all would be much appreciated. What can I do? Can I end it? Do i try fix it?
tl;dr: Girlfriend is becoming too much work, but afraid of what will happen if i end the relationship.

This one is great

# ? Nov 1, 2016 15:19

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

I [27F] had phone sex with my boyfriend [28M] but it wasn't my boyfriend after all. I am mortified.

quote:

Throwaway because boyfriend is on reddit.

On Friday I got a call from a private number. As I am looking for a job I answered it, thinking it could be for an interview or job offer. The voice on the other line was a husky male voice, asking me to guess who it was. I was super confused, he told me that I hadn't talked to him in a while and he had a cold. He described himself like my boyfriend and kept asking me to guess who it was. When I mentioned my boyfriend's name, he said that yes, that was him.

I was pretty excited as our relationship is fairly new, it was true I hadn't spoken via voice to him since Monday when we were in person, and he had never called me before. I missed him. Turns out that he wanted phone sex and I was more than happy to comply. It was excellent and I was pleased that he had been thinking about me in the first place. We did it again on Saturday, Monday and just now. Each time it got weirder and his fetishes were more and more exposed, we started involving his friend via Skype. I was flattered (WTF). He always told me not to bring up these conversations, I assumed because he felt weird about his fetishes and didn't want them to come between us in person.

Finally this last time when we finished he said he had something bad to confess to me but he didn't know how to say it. My heart sank. Surely there was someone else, he was recording this, he had someone else listening, etc, etc. Pretty much all the bad things I could think of. Turns out it was none of that. I was a wrong number and he loving tricked me into thinking he was my boyfriend. After cussing him out and telling him to never speak to me again, I hung up on him and blocked him on Skype (he was the friend all along).

I feel gutted. I can't stop the tears from coming out of my stupid eyes. This would crush my boyfriend if he knew. He's told me that he has trust issues because of a past relationship and I don't want this to be our undoing. I hate myself. I feel dirty and ashamed and used. I want to take a million showers. I don't know what to do. I want to tell him so bad but I'm scared that he will leave me. I don't want to hurt him. I feel like my chest is being crushed, I'm a gullible piece of trash. I need to tell him, but how?

Tl:Dr: Had phone sex with boyfriend, turns out to not be boyfriend. I'm crushed and terrified of telling him, how do I do it?

# ? Nov 1, 2016 15:21

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Bonzo posted:

Me [34M] with my fiancee [30F], been together 5 years, I am ungrateful, she is self-centered...how do we communicate better?

This guy is in total denial. His comments are "She always feels bad about it a few hours afterwards and says it wont happen again" and "...If we imagine this kind of thing happens at noon, by 3pm she'll be feeling bad about it and saying it won't happen again and by 5pm she won't want to think or talk about it anymore. If she knew I was seeking advice here she'd even get angry about that. When I suggested it before she said even with anonymity she considers it me publicly shaming her"

WampaLord posted:

I [29M] had to lie to my girlfriend [22F] because she won't ever take no for an answer. She found out and now she's mad at me. How do I fix this?

This is the good poo poo. It's entirely his own dumb fault.

I read this thread to hear about adult babies and both of these stories delivered :allears:

How are these people 30 and 29 years old respectively?

CabaretVoltaire posted:

Me [19M] in a LDR with my girlfriend [19F], she's beginning to become very high maintenance.

This one is great

has anyone established why this guy is in a relationship at all because he really seems like he'd rather not have one

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

I [27F] had phone sex with my boyfriend [28M] but it wasn't my boyfriend after all. I am mortified.

I want to feel bad for her because this is a bad thing to have happen to you, but honestly having this be a problem in the first place just requires you to be insanely stupid

# ? Nov 1, 2016 16:21

Strep Vote: May 5, 2004; أنا أحب حليب الشوكولاتة

I remember being that naive. I feel for her. The world is hosed up.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 16:21

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Strep Vote posted:

I remember being that naive.

Were you 27 years old?

# ? Nov 1, 2016 16:23

CabaretVoltaire: Jun 10, 2003; Better than Turin Brakes.

loquacius posted:

has anyone established why this guy is in a relationship at all because he really seems like he'd rather not have one

I'm hoping that his "investing" is bitcoin.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 16:29

china bot: Sep 7, 2014; you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX; Plaster Town Cop

loquacius posted:

Were you 27 years old?

I'm guessing this woman used to be very religious

# ? Nov 1, 2016 16:46

Gamer With Dignity: May 15, 2016; by Nyc_Tattoo

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

I [27F] had phone sex with my boyfriend [28M] but it wasn't my boyfriend after all. I am mortified.

Yeah I'm sure she had no idea.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 16:52

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

In the space of a week he supposedly introduced phone sex, a bunch of weird kinks, and skyping with a friend?

She's either really stupid in that she believed this poo poo or really stupid in thinking other people are gonna buy that.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 17:04

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

loving

at this one.

I [29F] caught my boyfriend [29M] crossdressing which is a huge turn off for me.

quote:

I had to travel out of town for work for the past few days. I asked my boyfriend of one year to stay at my place to take care of my dog. Fortunately, my business trip ended a day early and I thought it would be a great surprise to my boyfriend for me to arrive home early.

When I got home, I snuck in the house as quietly as I could. To my surprise, I found him watching a movie on the couch wearing one of my dresses, stockings, and full-on makeup. I imagine my facial expression was one of horror as he quickly changed back into his clothes and left. I wasnt even able to utter a single word.

The problem for me is that crossdressing is a huge turn off and a personal limit for me. I'm not judging him for being into it. I'm not even mad that he wore my clothes. I just feel like I've lost all attraction to him.

I don't want him to suffer because we are into different things. I don't want to hold him back from exploring his fantasies, but I just can't see myself continuing to be with him.

tl;dr: How do I respectfully end this relationship without the cliche "it's not you it's me" line?

Life lesson learned - do not surprise people by getting home early from trips if you aren't prepared to see some poo poo.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 17:52

Strep Vote: May 5, 2004; أنا أحب حليب الشوكولاتة

loquacius posted:

Were you 27 years old?

More like 18 and raised by authoritarian religious crazy people. I feel bad for people who were purposefully infantalized by their parents who were supposed to teach them how to adult. Crazy conservative people think innocence should be preserved rather than treasured specifically because it has an expiration date.

china bot posted:

I'm guessing this woman used to be very religious

Would bet many pesos that this is the case.

Strep Vote fucked around with this message at 18:25 on Nov 1, 2016

# ? Nov 1, 2016 18:02

Dirtbag Diva: May 27, 2005

WampaLord posted:

loving at this one.

I [29F] caught my boyfriend [29M] crossdressing which is a huge turn off for me.

Life lesson learned - do not surprise people by getting home early from trips if you aren't prepared to see some poo poo.

For some reason, I'm picturing really bad Monty Python style crossdressing with like, a fuchsia dress and huge daisies that would in no way fit his actual girlfriend. It makes it weirdly endearing.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 18:05

CabaretVoltaire: Jun 10, 2003; Better than Turin Brakes.

Who doesn't put their girlfriends clothes on and watch a movie when she's out?

# ? Nov 1, 2016 18:20

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

CabaretVoltaire posted:

Who doesn't put their girlfriends clothes on and watch a movie when she's out?

That was my favorite part of it, she didn't walk in on him jerking off or using her panties to...well, jerk off, he's just chilling and watching a movie.

The mental picture is hysterical.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 18:24

Bananaquiter: Aug 20, 2008; Ron's not here.

WampaLord posted:

loving at this one.

I [29F] caught my boyfriend [29M] crossdressing which is a huge turn off for me.

Life lesson learned - do not surprise people by getting home early from trips if you aren't prepared to see some poo poo.

He should tell her he was just trying to cheer up her dog.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 18:24

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

quote:

I imagine my facial expression was one of horror as he quickly changed back into his clothes and left. I wasnt even able to utter a single word.

He loving changes and leaves while she just stands there silently. You can't write better comedy.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 18:26

Strep Vote: May 5, 2004; أنا أحب حليب الشوكولاتة

Bananaquiter posted:

He should tell her he was just trying to cheer up her dog.

"Okay Fido, I know you're sad that Jessica isn't here, but I have a special guest today: Her sister! Hoozagoodboyden?"

# ? Nov 1, 2016 18:27

CabaretVoltaire: Jun 10, 2003; Better than Turin Brakes.

what movie was he watching ?

# ? Nov 1, 2016 18:28

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

CabaretVoltaire posted:

what movie was he watching ?

The Crying Game

# ? Nov 1, 2016 18:28

Strep Vote: May 5, 2004; أنا أحب حليب الشوكولاتة

WampaLord posted:

The Crying Game

Single White Female

# ? Nov 1, 2016 18:30

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

CabaretVoltaire posted:

what movie was he watching ?

Tootsie

# ? Nov 1, 2016 18:33

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

# ? Nov 1, 2016 18:34

Strep Vote: May 5, 2004; أنا أحب حليب الشوكولاتة

White Girls

# ? Nov 1, 2016 18:38

PokeJoe: Aug 24, 2004; hail cgatan

Pretty Woman

# ? Nov 1, 2016 18:42

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

CabaretVoltaire posted:

what movie was he watching ?

Mrs. Doubtfire and Psycho as a double feature

# ? Nov 1, 2016 18:43

primaltrash: Feb 11, 2008; (Thought-ful Croak)

"Probably watching a movie about crossdressing"

y'all its way funnier if he's just watching something completely unrelated.

like he's just splayed out on the couch watching Jurassic Park or Aliens or something.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 18:48

china bot: Sep 7, 2014; you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX; Plaster Town Cop

in that case, Shoah

# ? Nov 1, 2016 18:49

McGavin: Sep 18, 2012

Silence of the Lambs while Goodbye Horses plays in the background...

quote:

Would you gently caress me? I'd gently caress me. I'd gently caress me hard. I'd gently caress me so hard.

McGavin fucked around with this message at 18:55 on Nov 1, 2016

# ? Nov 1, 2016 18:52

china bot: Sep 7, 2014; you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX; Plaster Town Cop

alternate joke answer: Oogieloves

# ? Nov 1, 2016 18:57

Strep Vote: May 5, 2004; أنا أحب حليب الشوكولاتة

Gandhi

# ? Nov 1, 2016 19:00

Dirtbag Diva: May 27, 2005

Ken Burns' Roosevelt Series, while in costume as Elanor.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 19:07

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

movie title

# ? Nov 1, 2016 19:09

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Dirtbag Diva posted:

Ken Burns' Roosevelt Series, while in costume as Elanor.

this is canon now

# ? Nov 1, 2016 19:09

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

Boyfriend (23M) is pissed at me (21 F) because I won't let him drive my car. Am I being selfish?

quote:

My boyfriend doesn't have the cleanest driving record. He has gotten into at least 5 accidents (1 that totaled his new car) and is somewhat of a reckless driver. I don't always feel safe when he is driving. That being said, between insurance and the new/used car I bought last year, I am forking over a lot of money for the privilege to drive my own vehicle - something he is not contributing to. I drive approximately 90 round-trip miles for work daily and I need to have a car. Aside from his lack of contribution, I also don't want him driving my car because I'm not sure I'd forgive him of he were to wreck it. I'll admit, I'm a bit of a grudgeholder. But the man has very little regard for material items with high value. All things considered, my boyfriend tells me I am being ridiculous and selfish for not allowing him to drive my car. Can someone give me a little input? AM I being ridiculous?

TL;DR Won't let my boyfriend drive my car, he says I'm selfish

quote:

[�]introspectivelife 1187 points 15 hours ago

No, you're not being selfish or ridiculous. Five accidents by 23? That's more than some people have their entire life.

Why doesn't he just buy his own car? I'm also curious if he leans on you for other things, aside from pressuring you about the car.

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[�]dwandanian[S] 304 points 15 hours ago

He has his own vehicle but it's a beater and unreliable. So when his cars out of commission, he expects to be able to use mine and gets offended when I say no. Truth be told though, I have supported him monetarily the last 8 or so months. He can't keep a job so he's had unsteady employment. We had a place together and he wasn't pitching in for rent, and was tossing me money here and there for food. Unfortunately (and also fortunately) that resulted in us moving back in with mom and dad where he was unemployed for about 2 months. He finally just scored himself a job. But that entire time I was his money crutch and it's been quite a struggle for me as I don't make that much money

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[�]kallisti_gold 675 points 15 hours ago

Sounds like a demanding, entitled child.

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[�]dwandanian[S] 171 points 15 hours ago

He definitely can be. He doesn't believe that money is important to live a comfortable life consisting of food and a home. And therefore he doesn't think he needs to pull his weight as much. It's the root of all evil and the root of all our arguments.

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[�]kallisti_gold 606 points 15 hours ago

Yeah, money isn't important when it isn't his money he's being inconsiderate of...

He uses you... and you see what in him, exactly?

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[�]dwandanian[S] -335 points 15 hours ago

Well, he's got a heart of gold. He's a very sensitive and caring guy. He's got many wonderful features, but these are just a few I can't seem to wrap my head around. He's not necessarily a product of riches, but he was never forced to worked for the things he wanted and needed as a teen and so we have two very different perspectives on money and working.

Dude sounds like a massive douche.

Space Kablooey fucked around with this message at 19:19 on Nov 1, 2016

# ? Nov 1, 2016 19:16

Strep Vote: May 5, 2004; أنا أحب حليب الشوكولاتة

HardDiskD posted:

Boyfriend (23M) is pissed at me (21 F) because I won't let him drive my car. Am I being selfish?

LOL gently caress that guy.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 19:20

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

She shoulda just rolled with it. You don't get to gently caress a dude wearing your own dress every day.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 19:48

Dirtbag Diva: May 27, 2005

HardDiskD posted:

Boyfriend (23M) is pissed at me (21 F) because I won't let him drive my car. Am I being selfish?

Dude sounds like a massive douche.

Depending on where they live, it might be a Fragile Masculinity thing. My husband and I live in the south and when we first started dating, we both had a clean record and massive 90s steel tanks of sedans and we'd drive them interchangeably depending who was the DD/who was more tired and men were astonished he "let" me drive his car while him driving mine was a matter of fact. Even nowadays, if we're riding with another couple, the man always drives even if it's his female partner's car unless they're super liberal types.

It's weird, I know.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 19:59

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

Dirtbag Diva posted:

Depending on where they live, it might be a Fragile Masculinity thing. My husband and I live in the south and when we first started dating, we both had a clean record and massive 90s steel tanks of sedans and we'd drive them interchangeably depending who was the DD/who was more tired and men were astonished he "let" me drive his car while him driving mine was a matter of fact. Even nowadays, if we're riding with another couple, the man always drives even if it's his female partner's car unless they're super liberal types.

It's weird, I know.

where I live it's super loving rare for women to even own cars

# ? Nov 1, 2016 20:01

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# ? May 12, 2024 12:35

corn on the cop: Oct 12, 2012; Break what must be broken, once for all, that's all, and take the suffering on oneself.

â Corey Dostoyevsky

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

I [27F] had phone sex with my boyfriend [28M] but it wasn't my boyfriend after all. I am mortified.

quote:

He described himself like my boyfriend and kept asking me to guess who it was. When I mentioned my boyfriend's name, he said that yes, that was him.

man, you're that easy huh

# ? Nov 1, 2016 20:02

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