/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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SHISHKABOB: Nov 30, 2012; Fun Shoe

Why are so many people on tinder endorsing the NSA?

# ? Nov 1, 2016 20:03

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# ? May 9, 2024 13:45

Dirtbag Diva: May 27, 2005

corn on the cop posted:

man, you're that easy huh

It was like a game of Guess Who? and he just so happens to be the guy who wears a straw hat everywhere. Power move.

Edit -

HardDiskD posted:

where I live it's super loving rare for women to even own cars

Do you live in the UAE...?

Dirtbag Diva fucked around with this message at 20:06 on Nov 1, 2016

# ? Nov 1, 2016 20:04

corn on the cop: Oct 12, 2012; Break what must be broken, once for all, that's all, and take the suffering on oneself.

â Corey Dostoyevsky

Dirtbag Diva posted:

It was like a game of Guess Who? and he just so happens to be the guy who wears a straw hat everywhere. Power move.

i don't think she's a very smart person, because unrelated to her phone snafu she expects job interviews from private phone numbers

# ? Nov 1, 2016 20:10

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

Dirtbag Diva posted:

It was like a game of Guess Who? and he just so happens to be the guy who wears a straw hat everywhere. Power move.

Edit -

Do you live in the UAE...?

3rd world, yes

# ? Nov 1, 2016 20:11

brotato: May 14, 2013

I didn't let my partner drive my car for a long time cause I just... Don't trust people with my car.

He drives most of the time now tho cause I have road anger problems. most people assume it's cause I'm the girl but actually it is because he is worried I'm gonna yell at someone so much they murder us.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 20:11

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

Dirtbag Diva posted:

Depending on where they live, it might be a Fragile Masculinity thing. My husband and I live in the south and when we first started dating, we both had a clean record and massive 90s steel tanks of sedans and we'd drive them interchangeably depending who was the DD/who was more tired and men were astonished he "let" me drive his car while him driving mine was a matter of fact. Even nowadays, if we're riding with another couple, the man always drives even if it's his female partner's car unless they're super liberal types.

It's weird, I know.

Wow, I'm a guy and totally the opposite about this. I don't mind at all if my wife drives. She can be the DD all she wants.

I feel like men that make a big deal about it are just embarrassing themselves.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 20:18

FormerPoster: Aug 5, 2004; Hair Elf

Pvt.Scott posted:

She shoulda just rolled with it. You don't get to gently caress a dude wearing your own dress every day.

Honest moment here: if I found my bf wearing one of my dresses, I'd be so pissed about him stretching the dress out that the sexual aspect wouldn't even rate. If you wanna get off in a dress, get your own god damned dress.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 20:57

Rite Of Massage: Aug 16, 2005

# ? Nov 1, 2016 21:02

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

quote:

My [20F] boyfriend [22 M] of 1.5 years is into polyamory, but I don't think I am anymore.

I knew he was into having open/anarchist relationships when we started dating, but it was a time when a lot of things in my life were changing and I thought it'd be something that would suit me. We started off as monogamous just because there wasn't anyone else he (or I) was interested in, but now he's getting restless and is asking to date other people as well.

I really don't think it's the lifestyle I want anymore. More than ever, I just want a 'normal' relationship. I want to get married and have children one day, but it just isn't his style at all. We've decided to have a proper conversation about it all after he's finished with some important work this week, and I already know that this is a total deal-breaker relationship wise. I can't ask him to change, and I won't pretend to be someone I'm not, so the only option is to end our relationship. He'll be heartbroken, and I know he's already in a bad place emotionally.

I don't even know what I'm asking for here. I don't think there's much I could do to make this situation any better.

tl;dr: Boyfriend is polyamorous, but I'm not (anymore). I know I'm going to have to break up with him; I just wish he could have been what I wanted.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 21:06

Zulily Zoetrope: Jun 1, 2011; Muldoon

Gaunab posted:

every single polyamory story ever

# ? Nov 1, 2016 21:14

Zelder: Jan 4, 2012

Woah a surprising moment of honest self reflection

# ? Nov 1, 2016 21:15

Dirtbag Diva: May 27, 2005

The most appropriate thing about polyamory I've ever read is that it "fits into the lifestyle" someone has when they're 18.

Also, lmbo at people who measure relationships past a year with halves like a toddler giving their age. "We're this many *holds up left index finger and right index finger half-raised* years together!"

# ? Nov 1, 2016 21:19

Zelder: Jan 4, 2012

also this generation was absolutely not ready for polyAmory to become semi mainstream.

We just...weren't ready :smith:

# ? Nov 1, 2016 21:19

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

quote:

My wife [35F] and I [40M] adopted [5M]. Her son [17M] packed a bag for [5M] and told him he's not welcome

I was loving furious and I still am. I need to know how to handle this situation because I'm really pissed. I have 3 daughters in their early teens with my ex wife and they love Joe. They play with Joe and they seem to like giving him makeovers for some reason.

My step son does not live with us. He lives with his father. That's his choice. He visits my wife and I every weekend or second weekend. My wife and I have had trouble with pregnancy, we finally managed to get a pregnancy and she had a miscarriage. So we decided to look into adoption. We adopted Joe and we both love him.

My step son last night was visiting. My wife was helping Joe get out of the bath because he hurt his leg. He fell down at school and has a massive bruise on his leg/foot. The doctor just told us he needs to stay off it. During this time my step son packed a bag for him. He was in his room playing with his WWE action figures. My step son through the bag at him and told him to leave because he's not welcome.

I'm furious and he was punished. My wife and I are wondering how to handle his father/her ex husband? Because he is encouraging this behaviour

tl;dr: How do we handle ex wife husband and step son

# ? Nov 1, 2016 21:28

china bot: Sep 7, 2014; you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX; Plaster Town Cop

Gaunab posted:

adoption

force the ex-husband and the 17 year old into a permanent human ouroboros

# ? Nov 1, 2016 21:32

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Not only did they adopt. They adopted an older kid. They helped that kid beat the odds and find a family after he was no longer a cute little infant some young couple would want. They did this into a family of four children already. These people may not be perfect but they have serious character. That is why the ex-husband is fanning the flames of discord and encouraging an insecurity/inferiority complex in the stepson. He is looking from the outside in on people who are marking serious tallies on the scorecard for sainthood and that pisses him the gently caress off.

Locking the stepson out is a bad move as it encourages in-group/out-group thinking. The family are also unlikely to prove any direct causation between the ex-husband and the stepson's behavior. All they can really do is turn the other cheek, give an involved punishment to the stepston (e.g: don't lock him out, don't isolate him, have him work with the family to do poo poo like volunteer or whatever), and hope the ex-husband isn't too vindictive.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 22:04

CharlestonJew: Jul 7, 2011; Illegal Hen

17 is way too old for that poo poo lock his bitch rear end out

# ? Nov 1, 2016 22:15

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Naerasa posted:

Honest moment here: if I found my bf wearing one of my dresses, I'd be so pissed about him stretching the dress out that the sexual aspect wouldn't even rate. If you wanna get off in a dress, get your own god damned dress.

You don't know, he could've been made for that dress.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 22:31

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

I have zero issues with crossdressing. If I caught my partner doing it I'd probably be caught off guard but it wouldn't be a deal breaker. Maybe she's just in shock and needs to process it.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 22:51

Jack Trades: Nov 30, 2010

Could be that she's just one of those extreme closeted normies that never has a deviant thought in their life and have never thought that anyone close to them might've had any kinks.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 22:56

Menstrual Show: Jun 3, 2004

Lmao if you're serious posting that you'd be cool with your partner chilling on the couch in drag, all while hiding it from you.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 23:07

Facebook Aunt: Oct 4, 2008; wiggle wiggle

Menstrual Show posted:

Lmao if you're serious posting that you'd be cool with your partner chilling on the couch in drag, all while hiding it from you.

I'd be fine. Pleased even. I could use a makeup buddy, I've never been happy with my eyebrows.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 23:09

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

This thread has the weirdest derails.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 23:13

flick my Mr. Bean: Nov 18, 2014

I caught my loving creep of a wife watching netflix in bed while crossdressing in one of my old comfy t-shirts. How do I break up with her, something awful?

# ? Nov 1, 2016 23:26

HiHo ChiRho: Oct 23, 2010

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

I caught my loving creep of a wife watching netflix in bed while crossdressing in one of my old comfy t-shirts. How do I break up with her, something awful?

It depends. What is your wife watching on netflix?

# ? Nov 1, 2016 23:32

flick my Mr. Bean: Nov 18, 2014

Battle Royale Baby posted:

It depends. What is your wife watching on netflix?

She had been watching Stranger Things but switched to Friends because it was freaking her out.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 23:33

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

She had been watching Stranger Things but switched to Friends because it was freaking her out.

There is no saving this relationship.

This one is a bit of a downer. I wish I had some good advice for him, but I've got no solution to this problem either.

How do I [32M] break up with my girlfriend [28F] of 3.5 years without telling her why?

quote:

Condensed backstory: I�ve been with my current girlfriend for about 3.5 years - it�s the longest relationship I�ve been in by far. However, I�m really bad at talking about how I feel (in general, not just this relationship), especially when it�s about something I think would upset somebody, and absolutely when it�s something as �taboo� as the post topic.

Approximately 1 year after we got together we moved to a town ~2 hours away from where I�m studying because she got a �dream job�, and I can study remotely most of the time. We lived there for two years, with me commuting the 2 hours back one day a week or so for study. After ~1 year in this new town I managed to have a talk with her about her weight and me not finding her so attractive, which was awkward all around. She promised to do something about it but nothing happened at the time. I also starting seeing a counsellor in this town to talk about my feelings / the relationship / etc.

After a total of ~2 years in this new town I moved back to where I�m still studying - for a few months we lived apart and did the relationship long-distance. She recently quit her job and planned to move back in with me here, at which point I felt backed into a corner and tried to break up with her, feeling like it was my �last chance� to escape. After a lot of upset (she had no idea there was anything wrong) I agreed to stay in the relationship on the condition we go to couples counselling. That�s the current situation - she�s moved back in with me, she has a job here starting in January and we go to couples counselling once a week. Day-to-day, things are fine. We play games, watch TV, occasionally go out to clubs. She�s putting a lot of work into the house when I�m not here, cooking, cleaning and so on. It�s fine, and I feel like I should have nothing to complain about. But� it�s only �fine�. It�s alright. It�s OK.

�

The problem, fundamentally, is that I don�t feel able to talk about my problems in the relationship because I don�t feel like they�re fixable. It�s not �I would like you to act different� but �I would like you to be different�, which seems cruel and unfair to say to somebody. So I don�t. I thought couples counselling would help, but instead it�s just another person I can�t talk to about anything.

The two �elephants in the room� I feel like I can never talk about - I feel like I�m not �allowed� to talk about, because they�re so hurtful and there�s really no solution - are that 1) I no longer find her physically attractive and 2) I don�t feel intellectually / emotionally fulfilled in the relationship.

1) is fairly straightforward, if uncomfortable. My GF was somewhat heavy when we got together and has put on a lot of weight since; I don�t really enjoy or look forward to sex any more, and the sex we do have is fairly boring. But I�m not really interested in trying to spice things up because I don�t actually want to have more sex with her, so instead I�m left quietly wondering if I�ll ever have a fulfilling sex life (and feeling guilty for wanting one). As I said, I brought this up once before (about 1.5 years ago now) but haven�t mentioned it since.

There�s two reasons I don�t think it would be good to mention this to her: a) we have recently starting eating healthier and going to the gym together, so there�s not much else I can ask, and b) even if this issue were fully resolved it�d still leave me with

2) not feeling emotionally / intellectually fulfilled. There�s a lot of things that this covers:

I feel like she�s overly dependent on me. I would like her to be more capable of solving problems on her own without always asking me for help.

She never suggests an event for us to go to / do. I am pretty sure that in all time we�ve been together she�s never once suggested a gig, comedy show, lecture, or anything that she�d like to go to. She�s happy to come to things that I suggest but I�d like to get more back that a willing partner for videogames and TV.

She worries to the extreme and tends to be negative about things. She is diagnosed with OCD, and I want to be sensitive to that, but I also feel like I can�t even bring up something small without it being a major worry for her. I would like to be able to have a discussion without having to anticipate how much it will worry her - I�d sometimes like to be able to share my own worries as well and get reassurance!

She�s always saying I�m smarter than her and I feel absolutely horrible for thinking it, but sometimes I think she may be right - I�m often having to explain jokes on shows we watch or concepts in technology / politics / whatever we�re discussing.

I don�t feel like she challenges me or makes me aspire to be a better person - it�s a �comfortable� relationship, but more like a comfortable rut than a comfortable partnership.

�

To clarify: I�m not really asking how to fix all these things. I totally accept that the relationship has most likely just run its course, and while she�s a genuinely lovely and caring person, it�s just not working for me any more. What I cannot get straight in my head - and what I�ve been wrestling with for months and months - is how to rationalise / justify the breakup that I know will destroy her (not least because I already tried it once). I�m fairly desperate, to be honest; the longer this goes on the harder it is for me to think about anything else.

I�ve tried telling myself she�ll be happier with somebody else - well, maybe she will. It�s not certain. I keep coming back to feeling that I�m throwing away her current happiness for potential, future happiness for myself. No matter how I twist it, it seems unacceptably selfish. I�ve tried telling myself I need to do what�s right for me and I can�t control how she feels about it. Well, that�s true in a strict philosophical sense, but I know that a breakup will cause her a lot of pain, and it�s inescapable that I have the choice to either cause or not cause that pain. I�ve tried accepting that it�s a breakup, it�s inescapable that there will be pain and hurt. But don�t I owe it to her to cause the minimum of pain possible? How do I do that?

TL;DR: How do I tell people how I�m feeling without being overwhelmed with guilt for how it affects them? How do I morally justify a breakup that will deliberately inflict massive pain on somebody else? How do I do it without explaining my horrible reasons? If I lay out my reasons she�ll feel like she�s an awful defective person, but if I don�t tell her she�ll invent a thousand reasons to hate herself anyway (the OCD will help with that). Or how do I say what I feel without caring how it affects her? I don�t know how to be OK with this, and I don�t know how to be OK with not being OK with it.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 23:41

Jack Trades: Nov 30, 2010

Tell her that you cheated on her with another guy and that you have realized that you're actually gay.

It honestly might be the best way to do it.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 23:46

flick my Mr. Bean: Nov 18, 2014

tell her you cheated and got herpes?

e: from a guy

# ? Nov 1, 2016 23:50

Cling-Wrap Condom: Jul 23, 2015; I'm tryna get my peen touched, pants.

Chichevache posted:

There is no saving this relationship.

This one is a bit of a downer. I wish I had some good advice for him, but I've got no solution to this problem either.

How do I [32M] break up with my girlfriend [28F] of 3.5 years without telling her why?

Put one one of her dresses and watch bloodrayne. wait.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 23:50

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Jack Trades posted:

Tell her that you cheated on her with another guy and that you have realized that you're actually gay.

It honestly might be the best way to do it.

I can almost guarantee this woman would still want to be friends with him forever and he would have to block her on social media to keep the lie from being discovered.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 23:52

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Chichevache posted:

I can almost guarantee this woman would still want to be friends with him forever and he would have to block her on social media to keep the lie from being discovered.

Or worse, she'd forgive him and still try to make the relationship work. Love is a hell of a drug.

I'd never claim to have cheated (or cheat). That really messes a person up. I'd probably just say that I felt like a different person than when we met, and that I don't think our chakras are in alignment. Our love was real but we've got different roads to take.

Some people cheat to get out of relationships (or force the other person to end it), and that is cowardly and deeply cruel.

Pick fucked around with this message at 23:56 on Nov 1, 2016

# ? Nov 1, 2016 23:53

Anony Mouse: Jan 30, 2005; A name means nothing on the battlefield. After a week, no one has a name.; Lipstick Apathy

Is "you're ugly and stupid and boring and I have no respect for you" REALLY that brutal of a thing to say to someone when you break up?

# ? Nov 1, 2016 23:56

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

Anony Mouse posted:

Is "you're ugly and stupid and boring" REALLY that brutal of a thing to say to someone when you break up?

Funnily enough, it's insanely brutal if said calmly but rather tepid if shouted in anger.

# ? Nov 1, 2016 23:57

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

drat that one is sad as gently caress just bad situation all around

# ? Nov 2, 2016 00:02

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

Honestly there's no reason why he shouldn't just tell the truth. It seems like this dude is extremely conflict avoidant. There's absolutely nothing wrong with asking your partner to stay in shape. The second point could be a dealbreaker for a relationship, since it's not something that can easily be changed, but it's still not any sort of taboo to talk about. This dude is even in counseling for his relationship and still can't bring himself to tell anyone about what's bothering him. That's on him to be honest.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 00:03

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

he should say that he is thinking about opening up the relationship

# ? Nov 2, 2016 00:11

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

like either she will break up with him on the spot or she will suddenly lose a ton of weight and get hella hot and be banging like 10 dudes a day and then they will beak up, either way he wins

# ? Nov 2, 2016 00:12

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

Just going to say this since I can see the derail in this thread happening but :siren:

NOBODY GIVES A gently caress ABOUT YOUR KINKS AND WHAT PORN YOU WATCH :siren:

quote:

My (24M) girlfriend (24F) watches disturbing porn

I've been with Julia for 2 years now and they have been great. We are both working full time and share an apartment. We rarely fight, and she's my best friend and best relationship ever.

However, last night, she was working late and I needed to write up a report for work. I asked to use her computer since mine has been acting up, and she was fine with it. I opened up the internet so I could listen to some music and found a ton of really disturbing porn in her history. A lot of "slave" look ups, really violent BDSM and forced videos.

I'm confused and turned off. She never told me these were fetishes of hers, and it's making me feel grossed out completely. We've been fairly vanilla our entire relationship and this has me second guessing everything. What do I do? Do I talk to her? Do I leave her? I'm lost.

tl;dr: Found out my girlfriend has really disturbing sexual tastes. Where should I go from here now that I have this information burned into my brain?

# ? Nov 2, 2016 00:14

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# ? May 9, 2024 13:45

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

quote:

My (21f) roommate (23f) is obssessed with my cat and stealing all of her affection. This may sound petty, but it's really bothering me.

This may seem really petty, but it is a matter that has been really bothering me for the last month.

My roommate loves my cat. I am grateful that she treats her well and likes her, but she is obsessed with her.

She is constantly coming into my room (or trying to) unannounced to play with my cat. Sometimes my cat will be cuddled by me while I do school work and my roommate will barge in, wake her up and grab her. My cat is not very cuddly anymore, so this is incredibly irritating to me.

This problem escalated when I asked her to feed/water the cat while I went out of town for a couple of weekends (5 days total) and she happily agreed. Over the weekends she bonded with my cat a lot, which I thought was nice at first, she's used it to rub in my face.

She brags about how cuddly the cat was with her, how they got along and played together, how much my cat loves her. She now talks about my relationship with my cat in a really condescending way, saying things like "we must have a special bond, because she only gives me cuddles." The other day while jokingly talking to my cat she said "mommas just jealous because you like me the best now." There are multiple instances of her saying stuff that undermines my relationship with my cat to emphasize her own.

She also eggs the cat on (or doesn't stop her) when she's doing something naughty. For example, I have told her a million times that my cat has chewed my blinds and as a precaution, I keep my blinds and the shared area blinds up at all time. Although my roommate knew about this, she shut my cat in her room while the blinds were down. The cat chewed on them while my roommate took snapchat videos because the though it was funny. Now she wants me to pay to replace them. I told her I would at move-out, and she asked me to do it now. I told her if I do it now, the cat is under no circumstances allowed in her room again and she was not happy about that.

When I ask her to leave my cat alone (if she's sleeping by/on me) she'll wake her up, move, laugh and say something like "Oh well, looks like she likes me better" and encourages her to play with her instead.

I do all of the care for my cat (vet trips, litter box, feeding, keeping to a schedule, addressig behavioral problems etc) and it feels like my roommate gets all of the best parts of having a pet and rubs it in my face on a daily basis.

Every time I try to play with my cat now, my roommate takes over with a different toy. Every time my cat does cuddle with me, my roommate wakes her up and diverts her attention. My roommate literally treats my cat like it is hers and I am becoming sick of it.

I realize how stupid this all may sound, but it's incredibly frustrating. When I've tried to deflect my roommate's comments, she always comes back with "it's not my fault she likes me better." She's even made jokes about her keeping her when we move out because, as she says, "I'm her person now."

I'm not really sure what to do. My roommate is interfering with my ability to bond with my cat and pushing herself as my cat's main person. I'm glad that my cat is loved by everyone in the house, but she's ruining the relationship I have with my cat.

Any advice?

tl;dr: Roommate is obsessed with my cat and regularly undermines my bond with it to make hers seem more significant. I'm tired of her intruding in all of my bonding with my cat so she can steal her attention.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 00:15

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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