/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Jack Trades: Nov 30, 2010

Charles Get-Out posted:

I'm a [24 Celibate M] and met an a [25 Asexual M] off grindr the other night and I'm seriously confused about this and me.
tl;dr gay autists find love

That's cute. Nice change of pace from rapists and insane cat ladies.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 17:43

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# ? May 15, 2024 13:07

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

I think we can guess which one is evil (both)

[28 F] Can the relationship with my husband [27M] be saved after he let his twin abuse me?

quote:

Alright reddit, get ready to read the clusterfuck of your life.

Last year, me, my husband, and his twin brother went to see my family. During this time, his brother behaved very strangely with me, being so overtly flirtacious that everyone in the family raised eyebrows. Nobody said anything, but I've discussed it with my sister and she says that in retrospect, she wanted many times to call him out for being ''too friendly'' and that she and her husband wondered which one of them I was actually with.

I didn't tell him to stop like I should have. He is on the autistic spectrum and inappropriate flirting was just yet another socially strange thing that I felt like I had to put up with to avoid hurting his feelings. When we came back home, he asked for my help hooking up with another girl he had his eye on, so I was assured that it wasn't because he had feelings for me.

Fast forward three months. Even before the trip I was planning to stay with Bro during my exchange period abroad, as he is also a foreign student. I assumed that weirdness would be gone. It wasn't. He took advantage of me during a dissociative state and I've come to believe it was assault.

Thankfully, my husband's plans to do his own practical training fell through, so he could come to live with us. He talked a bunch of big poo poo about how Bro really hosed up and he would kill him if he ever did anything again. But it didn't hold.

Once Bro knew that he couldn't flirt with me or be sexually inappropriate, he took to bullying me. He would tease me until I cried, bait me into arguments and then tell me I was crazy, and when my husband had to go back to our country for a week for lectures, he terrorized me so badly that I stayed out all night. I started abusing benzodiazepines and alcohol just so I could stay sane. Thank god I loved my work placement so much, it kept me going.

What happened next? You guessed it. Husband comes back, fuming, tells him he really hosed up and if he ever does it again, he'll kill him. He punched him in the face this time. Except it happened again, and again, and again. Husband started telling me not to let him get a rise out of me. I came back from my exchange and had a mental breakdown and struggled with my new addiction.

I've tried to tell my husband that I can't be around his brother anymore. It's gotten to the point where I get anxious symptoms just from being around husband, because he kinda looks like my abuser just a little. I ask him what the consequences will be. You guessed it. Bro gets a stern talking to, told he really hosed up, and it's again his last chance.

That's where I'm stuck right now. Whenever I bring up what happened and ask him how he can have a relationship with someone who did such awful things to me, he uses neutral language like ''I do not condone his actions towards you'' and insists that he can't cut him off because it will just make him worse. When I ask what boundaries, consequences, and the action plan for going forward will be.. he'll never let it happen again. Again.

I'm the only one involved in the situation who is getting therapy. I have been for many years so I'm extremely upset to see that I'm still capable of getting myself into these kinds of situations. I feel that my husband is being manipulated by his brother and suffers from enmeshment, but he thinks since I'm not a twin, I just don't ''get it''.

I know where I'm posting and what most the answers will be. I won't argue. But it would be incredibly helpful to hear what things would need to happen for this to work out. For example, is it reasonable of me to ask him to cut his brother out for good? He really makes it out like that's the worst thing I could possibly ask him to do.

tl;dr will my husband ever divorce his awful brother so we can have a relationship?

# ? Nov 2, 2016 17:53

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Chichevache posted:

I think we can guess which one is evil (both)

[28 F] Can the relationship with my husband [27M] be saved after he let his twin abuse me?

Come on man, this is just loving sad.

Do people not understand the "don't post sad/abusive stories" thing? Do we have to make it a thread rule?

# ? Nov 2, 2016 17:58

CharlestonJew: Jul 7, 2011; Illegal Hen

WampaLord posted:

Come on man, this is just loving sad.

Do people not understand the "don't post sad/abusive stories" thing? Do we have to make it a thread rule?

Yeah seriously, stop posting depressing poo poo assholes

# ? Nov 2, 2016 18:02

Chieves: Sep 20, 2010

Seriously, the world needs more Goku stories right now.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 18:06

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

WampaLord posted:

Come on man, this is just loving sad.

Do people not understand the "don't post sad/abusive stories" thing? Do we have to make it a thread rule?

Every story posted is sad, at the end all the characters will die. :qq:

# ? Nov 2, 2016 18:08

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

You have to have the sad ones or there's no suspense

# ? Nov 2, 2016 18:09

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

The Snoo posted:

I tell my friends that I love them and it's a nice feeling when they say it, too. and when my SO says it. love is nice!

but that guy is dumb as hell, 'wahh my girlfriend of a year thinks I love her'

I, too, unironically tell my friends I love them. We've clung together for 10-15 years in most cases and been through some poo poo, but I tell the new ones they're loved, too. :3:

# ? Nov 2, 2016 18:26

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Obligatory "Okay, which goon is this?" joke.

My [23F] boyfriend [29M] won't shower regularly and it grosses me out

quote:

Been dating my [23F] boyfriend [29M] for a few months now. Everything is great, except he won't shower on a daily basis. I only see him once every week or two so I don't know the specifics, but he has on multiple occasions mentioned that he hasn't showered in a week. He's also been looking like a greasy mess when I see him lately. I get the impression he'll only shower every 5 days or so.

Now this grosses me out. He'll joke about how greasy his hair is and then later ask for a head massage or try to cuddle and I'll have to try my best not to recoil. He'll ask for a blowjob and the thought makes me gag. He'll lay next to me with his arms behind his head and it just smells so bad. His odor is enough that I can start to smell it on me after a few hours with him.

I have no drat clue why he does this. He has the sense to shower/shave for work and important events/appointments but won't do it for me. I've tried asking him to shower with me and he'll decline. I've tried positive reinforcement by being all over him when he does shower. I've tried gently suggesting how nice it is when he's clean. He just doesn't seem to get it though. He's been showering less and less since we've been together. But outside of saying "dude, take a shower. It's gross" I don't know what to do. Is there some nice or polite way to go about this without him getting offended? He's the type that gets defensive/upset very quickly if he feels it's a personal attack so I've been skirting around the issue.

EDIT: I want to reiterate that my post is about how to phrase asking him to shower more. I don't need to be told not to do this or that with him, I'm already not doing these things so those comments don't help at all. I also won't break up with him over this, I am willing to work with him to figure out what the problem is. I just need help on how to ask without hurting his feelings

Tl;dr: Boyfriend won't shower. What's a firm, polite way to ask him to clean himself more often?

# ? Nov 2, 2016 18:35

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Pick posted:

You have to have the sad ones or there's no suspense

Word. Also the whole "humor is subjective" and some posters are going to complain no matter what they read.

CharlestonJew posted:

Yeah seriously, stop posting depressing poo poo assholes

Create another thread titled "funny stuff only and please use trigger warnings because we are very sensitive". Or be an adult and stop reading if you're really having that much trouble coping with the psychic toll of someone else's life containing suffering.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 18:40

Strep Vote: May 5, 2004; أنا أحب حليب الشوكولاتة

Pick posted:

You have to have the sad ones or there's no suspense

Agreed. Gay boys learning to trust again turned my frown upside down in the most pleasant way after the rapist who will probably rape again and that's ~disrespectful to the relationship~

# ? Nov 2, 2016 18:42

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

WampaLord posted:

Obligatory "Okay, which goon is this?" joke.

My [23F] boyfriend [29M] won't shower regularly and it grosses me out

I worked with the opposite of this guy in grad school. There was a PhD student working in my lab who was the smelliest motherfucker I have ever known, but you could tell when he was about to go visit his long-distance girlfriend because his legendary stench would be mysteriously gone that day. He just refused to take showers if he wasn't going to be in the presence of someone who might have sex with him that day.

Oh, and obligatory "don't doxx me plz" joke.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 18:42

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

WampaLord posted:

Obligatory "Okay, which goon is this?" joke.

My [23F] boyfriend [29M] won't shower regularly and it grosses me out

A firm, polite way to tell him to shower regularly because it grosses you out is, "I'm breaking up with you because you don't shower regularly and it grosses me out," yeah?

# ? Nov 2, 2016 18:43

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

That amazingly lame story about the dude who "mistakenly" told his girlfriend that he loves her is hilariously dumb for too many reasons, but most of all, who dates someone for over a year and feels no love for them? I assume he's just stereotypically afraid of being alone, but come on bro. Why bother dating a person long-term that you don't actually care for? It's extremely unfair to her too.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 18:55

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

Pvt.Scott posted:

A firm, polite way to tell him to shower regularly because it grosses you out is, "I'm breaking up with you because you don't shower regularly and it grosses me out," yeah?

Yes. Sometimes I'll go like a day and a half without a shower and then when I get in I'm like "This is the most comfortable thing ever wtf was I thinking"

# ? Nov 2, 2016 18:59

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

That was a subplot on Scrubs come to think of it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xc-3OErP15s

e: recognizing when things from r/relationships posts happened in sitcoms is my thread gimmick

loquacius fucked around with this message at 19:03 on Nov 2, 2016

# ? Nov 2, 2016 19:00

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

I feel like I'm covered in mountains of dust if I don't shower once per day, so I don't get weirdos who don't practice solid hygiene.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 19:03

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

loquacius posted:

That was a subplot on Scrubs come to think of it

e: recognizing when things from r/relationships posts happened in sitcoms is my thread gimmick

I thought of this as well. It was a very sitcom-esque post, normal people don't place as much importance on saying "I love you" like it's this sacred thing.

You will tell multiple romantic partners in your life that you love them. You're not lying, love is just less special than people think it is.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 19:06

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

# ? Nov 2, 2016 19:10

Deafboy: Dec 5, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

# ? Nov 2, 2016 19:13

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

That said, my nerdiest friend (a competitive field) did once strike out pretty hard in college by telling this girl he loved her before they had kissed

Never did end up kissing after that

# ? Nov 2, 2016 19:16

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

That amazingly lame story about the dude who "mistakenly" told his girlfriend that he loves her is hilariously dumb for too many reasons, but most of all, who dates someone for over a year and feels no love for them? I assume he's just stereotypically afraid of being alone, but come on bro. Why bother dating a person long-term that you don't actually care for? It's extremely unfair to her too.

Love is talked up a lot, from books and movies and songs, to art and even social norms, religions and traditions. The myth of finding "the one" and saving your love for them is pretty pervasive. I'm not knocking abstinence or exclusively dating one person at a time, etc., it's just that some people are terrified of the "L" word because it's presented as this big, serious, permanently life-shattering thing. If you say, "I love you," there's no going back and you've pretty much signed an unspoken suicide pact, like Romeo and Juliet. I know I used to feel that way, so that surely adds a lot of bias to my view.

loquacius posted:

That said, my nerdiest friend (a competitive field) did once strike out pretty hard in college by telling this girl he loved her before they had kissed

Never did end up kissing after that

This can also play into it. Like mutually assured destruction, nobody wants to fire the first shot, so they both wait, and wait. Love is a weapon, man.

Pvt.Scott fucked around with this message at 19:26 on Nov 2, 2016

# ? Nov 2, 2016 19:22

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

loquacius posted:

That said, my nerdiest friend (a competitive field) did once strike out pretty hard in college by telling this girl he loved her before they had kissed

Never did end up kissing after that

did he confess his love before getting hit by a bus or something?

# ? Nov 2, 2016 19:26

china bot: Sep 7, 2014; you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX; Plaster Town Cop

Regulation Size posted:

did he confess his love before getting hit by a bus or something?

gross, why would you want to kiss someone that loves you

# ? Nov 2, 2016 19:27

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Regulation Size posted:

did he confess his love before getting hit by a bus or something?

No, she got scared off and that was the end of their thing

He's got an extremely steady girlfriend now though, it all worked out in the end

# ? Nov 2, 2016 19:28

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

quote:

I [24F] found a sexually graphic message my boyfriend [34M] sent another woman.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 14 months. We moved in together exactly one month ago today. This morning after he went to work, I went onto our desktop computer to fill out some applications since I am looking for a second job. I went on to gmail and found my boyfriend's email still open. I started to click out when I saw a message from Plenty of Fish saying "Hey so-and-so! Someone is interested in you!" dated from yesterday. I scrolled down through his inbox and found lots and lots of poo poo from POF.

This is the part where I really hate myself. I looked in his trash. I know it's a lovely loving thing to do but I did it. I wish I hadn't but I was so angry. In his trash, I found a message he sent someone dated from September 5, 2016. He had replied to an ad on Craigslist. The reply was� explicit. Very explicit. Graphic details about what he would do to her, make her cum, etc. After reading it, I signed out of his email.

I know it's an invasion of his privacy, maybe I deserve feeling like this for doing it. But I'm not sure what to do. Do I bring it up to him? How do I even start a conversation like that? Do I move on since I did invade his privacy, and just never mention it to him? I'm so hurt. I can't stop crying, even as I write this. Why ask me to move in if you want to gently caress other people? Why tell me you love me and that I'm the best thing to ever happen to you if it's not true?

Please help me. I'm really not doing well.

TL;DR, My boyfriend left his email open, I found a graphic message he sent to another woman. Yes, I know it was wrong to look at his private stuff and now I don't know what to do about it.

EDIT: Words.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 19:37

Zelder: Jan 4, 2012

Ladies stop dating weirdos ten years older than you

Fellas stop dating naive ladies ten years younger than you

# ? Nov 2, 2016 19:47

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

Zelder posted:

Ladies stop dating weirdos ten years older than you

Fellas stop dating naive ladies ten years younger than you

# ? Nov 2, 2016 19:48

RocketSurgeon: Mar 2, 2008

ITS ALWAYS GODDAMN PLENY OF FISH.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 19:48

snoo: Jul 5, 2007

Zelder posted:

Ladies stop dating weirdos ten years older than you

Fellas stop dating naive ladies ten years younger than you

# ? Nov 2, 2016 20:01

Stunt_enby: Feb 6, 2010; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Chichevache posted:

Word. Also the whole "humor is subjective" and some posters are going to complain no matter what they read.

Create another thread titled "funny stuff only and please use trigger warnings because we are very sensitive". Or be an adult and stop reading if you're really having that much trouble coping with the psychic toll of someone else's life containing suffering.

triggered xD
the tumblr meme xD

# ? Nov 2, 2016 20:04

P-Mack: Nov 10, 2007

Lol at these people who think they can't break up because they were snooping. Like it's an episode of law and order and they have to exclude tainted evidence.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 20:11

Jack Trades: Nov 30, 2010

Zelder posted:

Ladies stop dating weirdos ten years older than you

Fellas stop dating naive ladies ten years younger than you

It's not going to happen.

Some ladies will keep having daddy issues that they want to compensate for by dating older guys.
Some dudes will keep going for younger girls with daddy issues cause they're easy to manipulate for middle-aged losers.

And the world will keep spinning.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 20:22

kuddles: Jul 16, 2006; Like a fist wrapped in blood...

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

That amazingly lame story about the dude who "mistakenly" told his girlfriend that he loves her is hilariously dumb for too many reasons, but most of all, who dates someone for over a year and feels no love for them? I assume he's just stereotypically afraid of being alone, but come on bro. Why bother dating a person long-term that you don't actually care for? It's extremely unfair to her too.

Take the "dating a person for a year and feeling ambivalent about the relationship" and add "please, anonymous people on the internet, explain how I get out of this predicament of telling someone I love them". Together you have the prologue of an entire book detailing the failings of modern society/technology which has led so many people to have absolutely no understanding of human empathy, social skills, self-esteem or dealing with any emotional conflict whatsoever.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 20:34

TheAsterite: Dec 31, 2008

kuddles posted:

Take the "dating a person for a year and feeling ambivalent about the relationship" and add "please, anonymous people on the internet, explain how I get out of this predicament of telling someone I love them". Together you have the prologue of an entire book detailing the failings of modern society/technology which has led so many people to have absolutely no understanding of human empathy, social skills, self-esteem or dealing with any emotional conflict whatsoever.

Ok grandpa, would you like me to get off your lawn too?

# ? Nov 2, 2016 20:37

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

I [30 F] am dating a guy [25 M] who seems to hate everything I like or recommend, and it annoys me.

quote:

So I have been dating this guy for 2 weeks and we have some things in common and almost the same sense of humor.

However, one thing is pissing me off - everything I recommend or suggest, in terms of restaurants, movies, date ideas, etc - he seems to reject or to criticize in a very rude way.

We were in NYC last week and I wanted to go to this pizzeria with him. Told him it was the best thin crust pizza he would ever try, and that the mushroom topping was the best. He told me: "Eh, too bad I don't like mushrooms". I said "Ok, there are other toppings there. Their beer is amazing as well." And then he went "Eh, too bad I don't drink alcohol".

Anyway, he agreed to go there with me, and he spent the whole night complaining about the place. That it was too small, too crowded, that the toppings weren't "creative enough" for his taste, that the broccoli and garlic pizza he ordered had "too many veggies on it" (uh, really?), he complained about the check "(It's too expensive for what they offer"), and then at the end of the evening he said "Didn't see anything special about this place, I have eaten pizza in Italy and it's much better than this". I was upset already, and I said "I have eaten pizza in Italy too, but honestly you're picky as hell."

Later on we went to Magnolia's Bakery, told him to try the pumpkin cheesecake and he said "Ew, this is way too overrated". Yesterday I was wearing a black dress and he said "This dress makes you look like a granny from 1940". I know that was supposed to be a sarcastic, cheeky comment but I found it very impolite.

I am definitely getting tired of him. He told me yesterday that I should recommend him more restaurants and I told him that I won't do that again because we definitely have different tastes. To which he replied "Well give it a try, maybe you have some good taste in something..."

I am thinking of breaking up with him. Can't deal with this attitude. Am I overreacting?

tl;dr: Guy I'm dating seems to hate everything I suggest/recommend and I'm getting tired of it.

Reddit, should I "break up" with someone I've been dating 2 weeks who mocks me and hates everything I enjoy?

# ? Nov 2, 2016 20:38

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Help me Reddit, I've been casually seeing someone for a very short time, and I have some positive feelings toward them but they're really rude to me for basically no reason. What a dilemma!

# ? Nov 2, 2016 20:40

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

kuddles posted:

Take the "dating a person for a year and feeling ambivalent about the relationship" and add "please, anonymous people on the internet, explain how I get out of this predicament of telling someone I love them". Together you have the prologue of an entire book detailing the failings of modern society/technology which has led so many people to have absolutely no understanding of human empathy, social skills, self-esteem or dealing with any emotional conflict whatsoever.

Loveless relationships exclusively happen to millenials? Huh. Then how would you explain my parents?

# ? Nov 2, 2016 20:42

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

kuddles posted:

Take the "dating a person for a year and feeling ambivalent about the relationship" and add "please, anonymous people on the internet, explain how I get out of this predicament of telling someone I love them". Together you have the prologue of an entire book detailing the failings of modern society/technology which has led so many people to have absolutely no understanding of human empathy, social skills, self-esteem or dealing with any emotional conflict whatsoever.

# ? Nov 2, 2016 20:43

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# ? May 15, 2024 13:07

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

If only we still lived in the days when you knew who you were destined to spend your life with, because your parents told you

# ? Nov 2, 2016 20:48

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