/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

quote:

I [25/F] was felt up by a drunk guy at a bar last night, and my boyfriend [25/M] froze up while his brother [20/M] jumped in.

First of all, I don't blame my boyfriend for freezing up. I froze up, too. We were both in shock. The drunk guy asked me to meet him in the back (presumably to get hosed) and I firmly said no.

As I was leaving to rejoin my group at our table, he stuck his hand under my skirt and tugged my panties really quickly, laughing with his buddies and then turning to me to say some really obscene things. Before I know it, my bf's younger brother dashes across the pub and pummels the guy. Three huge dudes had to step in to break it up. And my bf's younger brother isn't very big either. He's really young, 6'0" and weighs about 150 lbs soaking wet. The drunk guy was much bigger, but he didn't see him coming. The whole thing lasted for maybe a minute, a minute and a half, and I was standing there in shock. As I turn around after, I see that my boyfriend is also in shock, and then his brother gets kicked out of the pub so we all leave with him. Our other friends come up to me, ask if I'm okay, and pat my bf's brother on the back for jumping in. I'm so out of it, I don't immediately realize that my boyfriend hasn't said anything. I thank his brother repeatedly. My boyfriend and I go back to my apartment, just the two of us, and then he opens up to me saying he wishes he could have jumped in too. I tell him he has nothing to feel sorry for, and he has no obligation to throw punches for me or anyone else. What happened was a shock for everyone involved and we don't live in a CW show where people constantly fight. I told him I love him and I'm glad to have a guy whose first instinct isn't to fight (regardless of how thankful I am that his brother jumped in).

We have a good night together, and I wake up the next morning to find that my bf has already left. He sent me a text on his way out saying, "Sorry, had to clear my head." I figured he needed some space after what happened, so I went about my day and I guess, because I forgot to reply, he took that as me being disappointed in him. As the day draws to an end I text him asking if he wants to grab pho and he doesn't reply but he did read the message. At this point I know something's wrong, so I call him and he doesn't answer. My best friend [27/F] encourages me to leave him be for a little longer and she and I go out for pho instead. When I'm back, I check my phone and I find a bunch of texts from him saying things like, "Sorry I couldn't defend you. I'm humiliated my brother was the one who did it. He's a kid. It should've been me. You couldn't stop thanking him and hugging him after. I don't blame you. I should have done something. Bye."

I immediately call my boyfriend but he doesn't answer, again, and then I sent him texts asking if I can come over so we can talk about this in person. He doesn't reply. I repeatedly try to get in contact with him to no avail. He lives with his brother, so as a last ditch effort, I call his brother and his brother answers and I ask if my boyfriend is there. He says no, and tells me my bf went to the gym. Then he asks if I'm okay, what's going on, and I briefly tell him. Just so he knows to alert me when my bfs back.

My bf returns an hour later, we meet up and talk, and he tells me he's really embarrassed. I repeatedly tell him he has no reason to feel embarrassed, and that I'm fine, and then we start arguing because he told me I don't understand and I told him he needs to stop making what happened to ME about HIM. I end up leaving and now I don't know what to do.

Was I being unreasonable? What should I do? This is all so unexpected.

TL;DR - my boyfriend's brother jumped in to defend me when a drunk guy at a bar felt me up, and now my boyfriend is making the whole situation about him and how he should have been the one to jump in even though no one (especially not me) is blaming him.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 18:24

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# ? May 9, 2024 06:28

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

Pac-Manioc Root posted:

Please tell me he's getting just poo poo all over in the comments.

Oh yeah. They've had to remove some comments because they were too insulting.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 18:30

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

kuddles posted:

Yeah, that one is amazing. But it kind of fits with a lot of the other ones, really. It's not much different from ones like "How do I stop my girlfriend from loving other men after I emotionally hijacked her into doing it over six months because I thought I was getting a side piece?"

It's basically the monkey's paw in real life. People seem to resent getting exactly what they ask for because they also had the hubris to believe that everything is like primetime television where you just set certain things in motion and predictable results ensue.

It comes down almost entirely to an inability to accept or negotiate compromises in good faith.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 18:32

Owlbear Camus: Jan 3, 2013; Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?

Man that's tough. I get where the rational response is "if she's saying its okay let it go, don't make her getting assaulted about you."

But to freeze up in those circumstances with all the expectations of masculine aggression he should have had has just got to be pride obliterating. No wonder he's chewing up his own guts.

It's funny that Home Invasion Hubby evidently lacked the contrition/humiliation this guy is having in much lower stakes.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 18:38

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Tiny Deer posted:

I hugely encourage gamers to behave in this way actually because anyone who self-identifies as 'a gamer' probably doesn't deserve the warm touch of another human being.

Why is it that every time the word gamer comes up in GBS, someone has to immediately say this as if they're owning someone? It's like a forums-wide tic, collectively battling the invisible monster that is the gamer dude of your mind.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 18:42

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Gaunab posted:

Feel bad for that kid. He's being raised by an idiot.

Yeah, jesus, that'd be a perfect monkey's paw story if it weren't for the collateral damage of the unwanted child.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 18:45

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

Pac-Manioc Root posted:

Man that's tough. I get where the rational response is "if she's saying its okay let it go, don't make her getting assaulted about you."

But to freeze up in those circumstances with all the expectations of masculine aggression he should have had has just got to be pride obliterating. No wonder he's chewing up his own guts.

Yeah, that would gently caress me up too. It's one of those situations where you know what you want to do, but for most people they're pretty unprecedented and you don't know how you'll actually react when it happens.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 18:55

Larry Parrish: Jul 9, 2012; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Why is it that every time the word gamer comes up in GBS, someone has to immediately say this as if they're owning someone? It's like a forums-wide tic, collectively battling the invisible monster that is the gamer dude of your mind.

https://youtu.be/eiIiFoZ_Wr8

# ? Nov 6, 2016 18:57

Tiny Deer: Jan 16, 2012

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Why is it that every time the word gamer comes up in GBS, someone has to immediately say this as if they're owning someone? It's like a forums-wide tic, collectively battling the invisible monster that is the gamer dude of your mind.

Because somebody always takes the bait and I love it.

Quick edit: I know that's a childish and silly reason, but it makes me laugh.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 19:00

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Larry Parrish posted:

https://youtu.be/eiIiFoZ_Wr8

lmao satin666 is so good

# ? Nov 6, 2016 19:01

504: Feb 2, 2016; by R. Guyovich

Tiny Deer posted:

Because somebody always takes the bait and I love it.

Quick edit: I know that's a childish and silly reason, but it makes me laugh.

wow what a puppetmaster.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 19:09

Rondette: Nov 4, 2009; Your friendly neighbourhood Postie.; Grimey Drawer

Psycho Society posted:

Yeah, that would gently caress me up too. It's one of those situations where you know what you want to do, but for most people they're pretty unprecedented and you don't know how you'll actually react when it happens.

There's a film based around a similar(ish) premise-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjjzVbTBF8o

A family go on a skiing trip, and when they are threatened by an avalanche (which turns out to be non fatal) his initial response was to grab his phone and GTFO. It deals with the fall-out of his actions and is a pretty good watch. It also has big gingery Tormund Giantsbane in it wearing big jumpers and being cool.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 19:24

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

My boyfriend masturbated with my hairbrush [24M] [24F] (together 9 months)

quote:

I'll cut to the nitty gritty.

Lately my bf has been getting into assplay. Last night I came home from work to find him masturbating anally with...my freaking hairbrush (a good, expensive ceramic one too).

I literally cannot understand why he chose my hairbrush out of all the dildo shaped things we have in the house (which includes actual dildos ffs).

When I asked him about it, he said sorry and that he "just got carried away" and asked me to stop talking about it.

This morning I reach for my brush and there is evidence on it to show that he either didn't wash it properly or that he put it back without washing it!

I tell ya, I'm not abusive or violent but I had the urge to shove it down his throat. Anyway, I'm planing to bring it up obviously but I'm just so grossed out and pissed off that it's best that I don't talk to him right now.

I'm feeling that this is a deal-breaker unless anyone can offer me any insights or a way to bring it up?

tl;dr: Bf masturbated with my brush.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 19:26

Tiny Deer: Jan 16, 2012

504 posted:

wow what a puppetmaster.

DANCE FOR ME!

It was a dumb thing to say though, the humor equivalent of a Michael Bay film. I am shamed for my laziness, you guys are right. My bad.

I still think it's funny but that's my burden to bear. :smith:

# ? Nov 6, 2016 19:26

Devian666: Aug 20, 2008; Take some advice Chris.; Fun Shoe

Sticks brush handle up arse and doesn't wash it. Yeah you don't talk about that poo poo covered handle either, what could possibly go wrong in that relationship.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 19:42

Tender Bender: Sep 17, 2004

Dunning Krugerrand posted:

While digging around in r/relationships I found a link to this gem in r/legaladvice.

And when he's asked what exactly he's hoping for and why he went through with it after she made it clear she wasn't interested in being a parent-

Lmao we finally see an example of the trap baby, an MRA fantasy, and of course it's somehow a man trying to trap a woman.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 19:47

kuddles: Jul 16, 2006; Like a fist wrapped in blood...

Unironically, I would sever because if this is his behaviour attached to something you own that is used to brush your hair everyday, he is bound to have disgusting habits and/or disrespects you in numerous ways you haven't discovered yet.

Like, even if I somehow got to the point of just HAVING to stick my girlfriend's brush up my rear end, I would buy a replacement hopefully before she even found out.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 19:55

Captain Lavender: Oct 21, 2010; verb the adjective noun

Me [30f] with my husband [32 M] might have ruined relationship with neighbors (30s M/F) over a pumpkin

quote:

My husband and I recently moved into a new neighborhood. It's really nice, quiet, and most of the residents are other people in their 30s. Lots of kids, everyone is friendly, and it's been great so far.

Our next door neighbors are a couple in their early 30s. No kids, just them and their dog. The wife is way into gardening, and it shows. She's got a huge and beautiful flower garden and grows vegetables in the back yard. Including a pumpkin patch. I've seriously enjoyed living next door to them because her garden is always full of butterflies and hummingbirds and we've got an 8 year old daughter who loves to watch them.

A few weeks ago, my husband promised our daughter that we'd go pumpkin picking that weekend. There's a farm a few miles away that has a pumpkin patch, does hay rides, the whole nine yards. She was incredibly excited about it, but it stormed all weekend and then the following week, she caught a cold and was too sick to go. She was so disappointed over it and my husband ended up doing something really stupid. He got the idea that she could just pick a pumpkin out of our neighbor's patch, but they weren't home to ask first and our daughter was getting more and more upset, so he went ahead and took her into their yard and they picked a pumpkin. My daughter also picked a few flowers while they were over there. I told him he should've waited and asked permission first, but he didn't think it would be a big deal or that they would even notice.

So the problem is that another neighbor saw my husband and daughter go into our neighbor's yard and told them about it. They have security cameras (my husband didn't know about the cameras), so they checked the cameras and confirmed it. The husband came over the next afternoon and told us that he's got them on camera doing it, and that his wife is extremely upset that they'd "trample through her garden taking things", and the flowers my daughter had picked were ones she'd transplanted from her deceased mother's garden last year so she was especially upset by that. Some of the flowers got pulled up by the roots when my daughter picked them, which I didn't know. My husband apologized and offered to go get a pumpkin to replace the stolen one, and said it wouldn't happen again, but since then the neighbors have been noticeably chilly towards us. Especially the wife. They're still very polite, but they're not exactly warm and friendly now, if that makes sense. What's more is that the other neighbor who tipped them off about the pumpkin is the neighborhood gossip, and now everyone on our street knows about it too and we're
getting the cold shoulder from a lot of other neighbors. What can we do to make things better?

tl;dr: Husband and daughter stole a pumpkin and some flowers from our neighbors, neighbors found out, now we're being cold shouldered by the whole street.

"We stole from our neighbors who have been nothing but kind to us. I didn't come clean, but they found my moronic husband on their security cam. How do I make them stop giving us the 'cold shoulder'?"

# ? Nov 6, 2016 19:59

Owlbear Camus: Jan 3, 2013; Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?

I'm not like SuperDad but part of being a parent is realizing your kids will face disappointment for circumstances outside your control and consoling them/trying to help them develop the character to cope with disappointment. My kid has been hysterically sick a few times, and for various reasons has had to miss "promised" outings/events. Never occurred to me I was entitled to anyone else's poo poo due to this.

The only thing punkintheif and wife can do is just be on their best behavior and try to rebuild trust and esteem over time, really. They are lucky neighbors didn't decide to go William Fruend on them at least.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 20:19

flick my Mr. Bean: Nov 18, 2014

The idea of freezing up while a drunk guy grabs my wife makes me feel like throwing up. tbh I'd feel like killing myself if I was that guy

# ? Nov 6, 2016 20:23

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

Captain Lavender posted:

"We stole from our neighbors who have been nothing but kind to us. I didn't come clean, but they found my moronic husband on their security cam. How do I make them stop giving us the 'cold shoulder'?"

Holy poo poo, perhaps if more adults were publicly shamed for doing things like this they wouldn't act like spoiled children. Reddit keeps coming up with these examples of adults doing poo poo you'd be aghast to find a child doing, without having the slightest measure of self awareness. I don't know why but it's this story that makes me think it couldn't possibly be real. Someone's gotta be doing some homework for lit class today.

I love the excuses most of all. Oh yeah it was raining and we had colds so uh yeah let's just go invade our new neighbors property and take their poo poo like it's a family outing. Maybe we can get some ice cream from their fridge afterwards if they left the door unlocked.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 20:30

Tender Bender: Sep 17, 2004

Well the husband already offered to buy a random pumpkin and give it to the neighbors, I don't know why everything isn't fine now? He even said he wouldn't do it again! Neighbors are being very ungrateful imo.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 20:45

Dunning Krugerrand: Dec 23, 2015; purestrain pyrite

Captain Lavender posted:

Me [30f] with my husband [32 M] might have ruined relationship with neighbors (30s M/F) over a pumpkin

"We stole from our neighbors who have been nothing but kind to us. I didn't come clean, but they found my moronic husband on their security cam. How do I make them stop giving us the 'cold shoulder'?"

The followup comments are pretty amazing too.

quote:

I actually did try going over there and talking to her about it. She told me she was more angry about the flowers than the pumpkin, and that the flowers my daughter picked were ones she reserves for putting in a vase by her Mom's ashes and that since they were done blooming for the rest of the year, my daughter essentially stole the last bouquet she could get from those plants until next year. Which made me feel even worse. The ones that got ripped up by the roots died and so there's only about half as many left now. She's just really, really upset with us and I don't blame her.

I'm honestly really surprised that he did it. I think part of it is because our neighbors were always super nice, really willing to help out, have loaned us tools and the husband helped us fix a broken pipe before. So I guess my husband figured they wouldn't mind since they're so nice/easygoing, and I'm sure if we'd asked they would have said it was OK. But he was wrong. The husband told us that he and his wife feel really disrespected and taken advantage of, and that they don't like people assuming that just because they're nice, that means its OK to go over and take things from them. Which I understand completely. My husband hosed up, big time, and ruined our good relationship and reputation with the neighbors.

My husband does feel really bad about it, and so does our daughter. She won't go outside now if they're out there, even though they haven't said anything to her.

I gave her the flowers back, yes, and the pumpkin. Unfortunately when my daughter heard me telling off my husband she tried to hide them and they were pretty destroyed. I was hoping my neighbor could still save the ones that had roots attached, but they didn't survive.

Once they get run off the block I'm sure the neighbors won't be so generous with whoever moves in next, lest they also decide "nice" is synonymous with "pushover".
The parents are loving idiots but that's one lesson that poor little girl will never forget.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 20:46

Tender Bender: Sep 17, 2004

I mean I don't even like my neighbors and they don't seem to care about their yard but I would never imagine just ripping out some plants like that is a totally fine thing to do?

# ? Nov 6, 2016 20:51

PokeJoe: Aug 24, 2004; hail cgatan

I like that he offered to buy a $3 pumpkin to replace the months of effort and care they stole like it would loving help the situation in any way

# ? Nov 6, 2016 20:52

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

PokeJoe posted:

I like that he offered to buy a $3 pumpkin to replace the months of effort and care they stole like it would loving help the situation in any way

Yeah like he was correcting their newfound pumpkin shortage.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 21:03

Tender Bender: Sep 17, 2004

PokeJoe posted:

I like that he offered to buy a $3 pumpkin to replace the months of effort and care they stole like it would loving help the situation in any way

Lol yeah that's the point where I'd be like "I don't even care about writing you off completely because you're clearly a barely functional manchild."

# ? Nov 6, 2016 21:09

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

I mean the biggest issue for me is the loving neighbors just walking over on the property.

That to me is the start of "You hosed up bad."

# ? Nov 6, 2016 21:11

Sojenus: Dec 28, 2008

It would be even funnier if he also offered to get some flowers from the grocery store to replace the ones transplanted from her dead mother's garden.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 21:11

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Just wait till the husband asks TFR for advice on dealing with Punkin thieves.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 21:12

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

Wife needs to give the husband a Stone Cold Stunner and kick him to the curb imo

# ? Nov 6, 2016 21:15

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

lol @ trying to return the uprooted, smashed up flowers.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 21:15

Sojenus: Dec 28, 2008

"Here, have these crushed and destroyed flowers that weren't at all symbolic of your continued love of your deceased mother. We cool? We cool."

# ? Nov 6, 2016 21:18

corn on the cop: Oct 12, 2012; Break what must be broken, once for all, that's all, and take the suffering on oneself.

â Corey Dostoyevsky

porn time

don't post about your gross rear end fetishes

quote:

Found my GFs [23F] really dark taste in porn. Wondering if I [22M] should ask her about it, or leave it alone. [NSFW]

Not much to this.. I was using Mary's laptop and when I was browsing, the suggestion in the search bar came up. Clearly it was a porn site and I got curious. Turns out she watches things involving dogs, and hidden cameras of girls using the bathroom. Now We are quite adventurous, but this another level. And I'm not comfortable with either things really.

I also know this doesn't reflect reality.. I myself have fantasies I would never act out in a million years. But I do feel slightly weird about it. And we do have a dog.. Although I know she would never do anything, I'm worried about bringing it up in case she thinks I'm accusing her of anything which I wouldn't be.

So.. should i pretend I never saw it? its just really on my mind so saying something is what I'd like to do. Advice?

tl;dr: Saw gfs porn, don't know how to react.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 21:30

flick my Mr. Bean: Nov 18, 2014

At the bare minimum she's jerked your dog off. The bare minimum.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 21:36

Baudolino: Apr 1, 2010; THUNDERDOME LOSER

Why do people obsess about what their neighbours think anyway. I have never lived in a place where i bothered to even learn their names.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 21:39

Devian666: Aug 20, 2008; Take some advice Chris.; Fun Shoe

All he needs to do is find say he's dropped something on the floor and get her on all fours in front of the dog. Then he'll break up with her once he sees what happens.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 21:38

Larry Parrish: Jul 9, 2012; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

He should be glad he found a freak

# ? Nov 6, 2016 21:39

Devian666: Aug 20, 2008; Take some advice Chris.; Fun Shoe

Larry Parrish posted:

He should be glad he found a freak

A freak that insists on open relationships.

# ? Nov 6, 2016 21:43

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# ? May 9, 2024 06:28

PokeJoe: Aug 24, 2004; hail cgatan

Sojenus posted:

It would be even funnier if he also offered to get some flowers from the grocery store to replace the ones transplanted from her dead mother's garden.

Yeah lol. That dude is setting a GREAT example for his daughter too. If you want something bad enough it'd ok to steal it from people who are nice to you

# ? Nov 6, 2016 21:43

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