/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

TheSpiritFox posted:

I l[32 f] left my Facebook open on my laptop and my dad [61 m] read the chat log between my ex husband [34 m] and I. He read very graphic sexual details and proceeded to make me feel like a deviant.

Priceless

I'm pretty careful about logging out of stuff in general but maybe if you live with your dad and talk to your ex about how much you enjoyed him drinking your titty milk, double check that logout button.

# ? Nov 8, 2016 02:47

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# ? May 9, 2024 10:27

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

sounds like dad learned why you don't read other people's facebook conversations

lmao like I wouldn't have

# ? Nov 8, 2016 02:51

china bot: Sep 7, 2014; you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX; Plaster Town Cop

yeah, reading something like that makes you a facebook peeker for life

# ? Nov 8, 2016 02:53

TheSpiritFox: Jan 4, 2009; I'm just a memory, I can't give you any new information.

54 40 or gently caress posted:

sounds like dad learned why you don't read other people's facebook conversations

lmao like I wouldn't have

I would too but I would have just mercilessly teased her and melodramatically yelled at the heavens "Father what must I do to cleanse her of her sin?"

# ? Nov 8, 2016 02:55

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Aaahh why did the dad keep reading? Who looks at their adult daughter's stuff, sees a sexchat and reads it for the details. The least he could have done was close the window at the first mention of a throbbing body part.

Also, in chairchat, anybody else think that the reason the chairs are a yellow color is because they are unstained/unvarnished? Maybe it was raw pine or something and they weren't close to their final color.

# ? Nov 8, 2016 02:56

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

I don't know I kinda empathize. It's not even just that in this hypothetical, your boyfriend loves girls with big tits, his ex had huge tits, and even after they broke up he was hitting her up for some strange on the reg. That's gonna sting.

# ? Nov 8, 2016 02:56

Jack Trades: Nov 30, 2010

ravenkult posted:

Who gives a poo poo if you don't need chairs?

Oh hey I got you a gift, it's 10 horses nobody wanted, ENJOY.

That a lot of glue that I can sell.

# ? Nov 8, 2016 02:57

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

TheSpiritFox posted:

I would too but I would have just mercilessly teased her and melodramatically yelled at the heavens "Father what must I do to cleanse her of her sin?"

I think the baby wants some milk, oh wait, your delinquent husband doth drained thine boobies

Jack Trades posted:

That a lot of glue that I can sell.

Ten horses is a lot of free food. Think of all the money you'd save on groceries!

# ? Nov 8, 2016 03:01

realbez: Mar 23, 2005; Fun Shoe

Khorne posted:

I always give answers like that to people though. It's absolutely true. You can't compare two people to each other. There are a crazy amount of differences. Which is why being insecure about it in the first place is so ridiculous.

Is it really that hard to tell a white lie like that to someone to make them feel better? If they won't accept it and keep going on about it then maybe try something else, but giving them the old "nah baby you're the best I've ever had" might end it all right there. I thought this was basic human interaction.

# ? Nov 8, 2016 03:18

im cute: Sep 21, 2009

Gaunab posted:

I don't know, they're still talking about Jon's huge penis.

I caught my girlfriend sniffing my farts? (Serious)

quote:

Okay so this a strange and kind of gross question, but I'm not joking. Last night I was awake in bed after drinking with my girlfriend and some friends. I had woken up because of a hangover, and I was just lying in bed with my girlfriend next to me. For reference, we are both 21 years old, and go to the same college together.

I assumed my girlfriend was asleep, and I guess she must have thought I was sleeping too. I farted audibly under the covers, not caring to get up and leave the bed with the crappy headache I had. A minute or so later, however, I noticed my girlfriend slowly slouching down closer to the foot of the bed. Then, I noticed her doing the weirdest thing. I could hear her sniffing right next to my rear end, where just moments ago a presumably disgusting hangover fart had escaped. She kept smelling my butt for another few minutes, and then I could feel her shift her head back up to her pillow. I was baffled by this behavior, so I kept pretending to be asleep. Maybe twenty minutes later, I had to fart again. Curious about my girlfriend�s behavior, I conspicuously ripped a loud fart. Literally seconds later, lo and behold, her face was next to my rear end, and I could hear her sniffing my fart.

I didn�t want her to know that I knew what she was doing, so I kept pretending to be asleep for a while, until she eventually fell asleep and I took some advil and went back to bed.

So my question is, what the hell do I do? Do I tell her that I know what happened last night? Do I just not bring it up? We�ve been together for a year now, and I really like her, so I don�t want to make her uncomfortable. At the same time, I find it very strange that she would like to smell my farts. We�ve farted around each other before, but only on occasion and not while we�re next to each other or anything.

Why would she do such a thing? If you think I should bring it up, how should I approach asking her? Has anybody else had something like this happen to them?

Thanks for reading this strange experience of mine, I�d really appreciate some feedback.

TL;DR: Caught girlfriend sniffing my farts, what do?

# ? Nov 8, 2016 03:24

Jack Trades: Nov 30, 2010

Regulation Size posted:

I caught my girlfriend sniffing my farts? (Serious)

Start eating a lot of beans, friend.

# ? Nov 8, 2016 03:26

Return Of JimmyJars: Jun 24, 2006; by FactsAreUseless

hackbunny posted:

Unsolicited gifts of furniture are such incredibly egoistic gestures. [Ask] me about the disgusting shag carpet my parents had to roll out and painfully set under their bed whenever uncle and aunt came visiting, after swearing they'd never have carpet in their house again. Thankfully they eventually dropped the charade

I've been in this situation and without sounding like an ungrateful brat giving other people furniture is a terrible drat gift. My dad made a dining room table and chairs in rustic country style for us after we moved into our new house. Our new house which I designed and is 100% art-deco/modern aesthetic.

It's a beautiful piece but it's so out of place in our house and it drives me crazy every time I walk past the dining room. I almost want to buy a cheap cabin in the country and move it there so I can get back my furniture that matches the god drat house.

# ? Nov 8, 2016 03:31

artsy fartsy: May 10, 2014; You'll be ahead instead of behind. Hello!

Return Of JimmyJars posted:

I've been in this situation and without sounding like an ungrateful brat giving other people furniture is a terrible drat gift. My dad made a dining room table and chairs in rustic country style for us after we moved into our new house. Our new house which I designed and is 100% art-deco/modern aesthetic.

It's a beautiful piece but it's so out of place in our house and it drives me crazy every time I walk past the dining room. I almost want to buy a cheap cabin in the country and move it there so I can get back my furniture that matches the god drat house.

This is hilarious (sorry)--I mean I know I've seen this same scenario in more than one sitcom.

I assume it was all a big surprise or you could have asked for a particular style. Did he say anything about the decor disparity after you got it moved in? Did he even notice? Dads amirite?

# ? Nov 8, 2016 05:16

RNG: Jul 9, 2009

I've recently been willed a shitload of furniture from a relative who was a craftsman, and on the one hand, none of it matches anything I owned, but on the other hand, it's all way nicer than anything I own. Some of it I put in storage and the rest I'm pretty happy to have.

# ? Nov 8, 2016 05:25

snoo: Jul 5, 2007

lifehack: be too poor to afford the furniture you want and instead just take whatever your friends/family/coworkers donate because it's better than nothing

(to be fair our dining set is beautiful even if it's a little damaged)

# ? Nov 8, 2016 05:26

Lawrence Gilchrist: Mar 31, 2010

These bricks connect in a way you and I never will

# ? Nov 8, 2016 09:15

sixth and maimed: Mar 20, 2012; Fun Shoe

What the gently caress is wrong with you people insisting they should be happy with a set of chairs, just because FIL made them himself? Who says the guy is a good craftsman? They could be total crap, for all we know. But oh no, it's handmade!

A brother of my FIL was a carpenter, he made a number of cupboards with intricate wood carving and glass panels. When he went to a retirement home, they wanted us to take a few even though they don't match anything else in our interior or the style of our house. They got kinda miffed when we said no. They also didn't like us saying they should put them in their house if they liked them so much.

Just don't expect people to be grateful for something they didn't ask for.

# ? Nov 8, 2016 09:40

Khorne: May 1, 2002

sixth and maimed posted:

What the gently caress is wrong with you people insisting they should be happy with a set of chairs, just because FIL made them himself? Who says the guy is a good craftsman? They could be total crap, for all we know. But oh no, it's handmade!

I think the giveaway is they both looked at them, the wife didn't like the color, the husband agreed on disliking the color, and at no point was the craftsmanship or style of the chairs beyond the color mentioned in the post. I mean quantity is mentioned, apparently they want 24 chairs and not 8 because they currently have 24 matching chairs, but that's about it.

# ? Nov 8, 2016 09:51

Carrion Luggage: Nov 24, 2006

burn the house down and the problem is solved also if you are derailing this thread to argue merits about loving chairs burn your house down too

# ? Nov 8, 2016 14:07

Bonzo: Mar 11, 2004; Just like Mama used to make it!

Me [54M] with my wife [53F] found our son [23M] in a sexual situation. My wife is furious

quote:

A couple weeks ago my wife and I were out and about on a Saturday morning and we decided stop by and see our son at his apartment. He is a graduate student at a nearby University which is literally 20 minutes from our home.

We are free to walk in to his apartment if the door is unlocked, as he has told us. We arrived at a fairly early time (around 8am) and his car was at his apartment complex. We knocked, nobody answered so we just walked inside...noticing the door unlocked. Apparently he had forgotten to lock it. We thought we'd make sure everything was okay.

His bedroom door was half open and we pushed it further to see if he was in bed and that's when we saw him naked with two naked women. We were both shocked to say the least and surprised. My wife immediately wanted to leave as did I, since what we had just witnessed was clearly not intended and they were all asleep.

One girl we recognized as someone he went to high school with, the other wasn't familiar. My wife is very upset. We talked and even argued a bit about it on the way back home. We are a fairly religious family. We go to an evangelical church as does our son, albeit he with more college students where he goes to school.

My son has always been pretty serious about his faith as is my wife and our daughter. I have been somewhat less so...that's another story. We didn't think our son was a virgin as he had hinted that he had went pretty far with a couple of past women. He is not a player though. He is a well adjusted, smart, nice, warm young man. He has always been complimented for being very good looking and handsome which I'm sure hasn't deterred his interactions. But he has always otherwise been a lot choosier and less 'wild' historically.

My wife is threatening to cut him off. She is that furious. She has treated him coldly during the last week when we have spoken with him briefly. Here's the catch....we haven't told him what we saw yet.
He is wondering why my wife is so upset. I'm planning to have a talk with him this weekend when he stops by as he is scheduled to for lunch on Sunday. My wife has said she is not ready to address it. She thinks we should 'do something'. I have told her I don't know exactly what that would be and don't think it warrants any sort of action (Whatever that may be anyway). He is an adult. It was his apartment and we weren't meant to see it anyway.

My thoughts are a little different than my wife's. I am concerned that whatever he did he did it safely. There were a couple condom wrappers visible on the floor from what I thought I could see in the room. But in a way....I'm kind of happy for him secretly. I'm glad he is having some pleasurable experiences while he is young. I haven't admitted this to my wife yet and she would just balk at me and probably kick me to the couch for saying that anyway.

I do want to impress on him that if he is going to identify himself spiritually and religiously as he does, he needs to make a decision on where he stands and what type of behavior is appropriate for someone who professes faith as he does. I'm not going to judge or brow beat him at all. Just put it to him calmly and lovingly.

But, my wife's attitude is what's concerning me most. She doesn't want him to come over on Sunday...and is threatening to not speak to him on Thanksgiving. I got upset with her at this and we had another argument. I told her that was not necessary or appropriate. He is our son and still deserves our love. Approvingly or not from her no less.
I guess I'm just curious as to the thoughts on this sub and if anyone has had similar experiences like this.

tl;dr: My wife and I walked into our sons apartment and found him in bed with two women. It is surprising behavior from him as he is religious. My wife is very furious and threatening to cut him off.

# ? Nov 8, 2016 14:08

Carrion Luggage: Nov 24, 2006

Bonzo posted:

Me [54M] with my wife [53F] found our son [23M] in a sexual situation. My wife is furious

if your wife was that hard of a evangelical she would be subservient to your commands and you should be a real man by telling her to mind her own loving business, how can she cut off which she, by her own religion's word, can not control

# ? Nov 8, 2016 14:11

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Niiiiiice.

# ? Nov 8, 2016 14:12

kuddles: Jul 16, 2006; Like a fist wrapped in blood...

I'm jealous of their son.

Also, the biggest lesson I learned when I was young was to communicate issues in a calm manner, and usually that helped fix things real fast. It's astounding how many people at supposedly adult ages in these stories like the wife take the tack similar to "I don't want to talk to my son about what I saw, so instead I'm going to ostracize him without telling him why and fume internally for months."

kuddles fucked around with this message at 14:24 on Nov 8, 2016

# ? Nov 8, 2016 14:20

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

Holy poo poo, chairs almost tore us apart but this Pistol Pete brought us back together

# ? Nov 8, 2016 14:20

New Concept Hole: Oct 10, 2012; 東方動的

"Our son's such a well adjusted, smart, nice, warm young man. And handsome. Why would he be banging two women?!"

:iiam:

"He is not a player though."

I think there's evidence to the contrary.

# ? Nov 8, 2016 14:21

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

New Concept Hole posted:

"Our son's such a well adjusted, smart, nice, warm young man. And handsome. Why would he be banging two women?!"

"He is not a player though."

I think there's evidence to the contrary.

I think it's amazing they can be that religious and not blame the girls for their sinful, tempting ways.

# ? Nov 8, 2016 14:25

CharlestonJew: Jul 7, 2011; Illegal Hen

Good thing that guy has one sane parent at least

# ? Nov 8, 2016 15:13

china bot: Sep 7, 2014; you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX; Plaster Town Cop

clearly his mom is quaking with incestuous jealousy

# ? Nov 8, 2016 15:14

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

Me (28f) and my coworker (29MtF) are at a loss at what to do with a (early20M) new hire who is taking advantage of the restroom situation.

quote:

Please forgive any ignorance on my part, I'm still not 100% sure on the proper terminology for transgender people.

At work, I have a coworker/friend who I have seen go through her transition, I will refer to her as Linda. She hasn't had surgery yet, but is saving up money for it. She was very nervous about transitioning at first, but our company is very open minded and liberal (we both work at a hip software company). In general she didn't find that she was treated any differently. HR even sent out an email about if you identify as female you are welcome to use the women's restroom, or if you identify as male you are welcome to use the men's restroom. Linda started to use the women's restroom and no one had any issues. Linda felt comfortable using them too, so all was good for awhile! No one cared who was using the bathroom, as it should be.

Well, we recently had a new hire, let's call him "Bob." Apparently in our new hire meetings the HR team lets them know they are LGBT friendly, and if you personally identify as a female (or male) you can use the restroom of your choice. Bob started to ask some questions to see if there were any transgender people in the office. Someone eventually told him about Linda. The questions that I overheard him ask weren't hateful, just really nosy, immature and curious. I kinda rolled my eyes and hoped that would be the end of Bob's curiosity.

It wasn't. Soon Bob started to ask other people about if it was really true you could use a bathroom of your choice. I overheard other people's answers which were basically, "if you personally identify as a woman, then yes you can use the women's restroom." Bob would immaturely giggle at this but just accept the answer.

Bob has now decided he wants to identify as a woman, Bob even gave himself a new name, a ridiculous female sounding name at that. I'm quite confident this is bullshit. He will frequently go in to the women's restroom. He technically hasn't broken any rules, yet. Now, I have NO problem using the restroom if Linda happens to be in there too. But, if I happen to be in the restroom the same time Bob is... it's weird. He seems to walk up and down the stalls, and you know how when you're on the toilet and you make uncomfortable eye contact with someone in between the cracks, and it's uncomfortable for both people? He seems to be doing this on purpose. He also seems to follow people in the ladies restroom too, he'll go into the restroom and not even do anything at all, just go in for a moment and come out. I hope I'm wrong, but I think I've heard him possibly masturbating in a stall while I was peeing. However, I don't know that for sure, but I am a grown woman who knows what that sounds like.

Other women have complained about it too, but there is no proof that he's doing anything wrong. Anything I've mentioned could be considered an accident, like making eye contact through the cracks, and I really don't have any proof he was touching himself. I can't say anything about the frequency of his bathroom breaks either. I don't know what to do? Is this enough information to complain to HR? Linda has complained as well because she feels like he is taking advantage of the system.

Neither Linda or myself believe for a moment he is MtF. I feel like there may be some comments that there is a possibility that he could be MtF, but I'm leaning towards a strong nope. For what it's worth, he does have a Trump 2016 sticker on his truck. Not that trans people can't vote for Trump, but it's less likely that they would (or anyone with common sense would).

Would it be worth trying to have a professional conversation with him? He does seem very young and immature, so it could be he just needs to grow the gently caress up. Is there enough information to go to HR about his behavior? I don't want to ruin Linda's new freedom, but Bob is making us all cringe.

tl;dr: New immature hire who is a cis male started to declare he is a MtF, no one believes this. He is acting weird in the women's bathrooms, but hasn't broken any rules yet. Me and my recently transitioned (MtF) friend don't buy his bullshit, I'm afraid to ruin her new sense of freedom if we go to HR and complain. How to resolve this in the best way?

# ? Nov 8, 2016 15:25

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

Really doesn't help that the names chosen are from Bob's Burgers

# ? Nov 8, 2016 15:34

YeahTubaMike: Mar 24, 2005; *hic* Gotta finish thish . . .; Doctor Rope

no matter what gender bob is, they're a bathroom creeper and they must be stopped

# ? Nov 8, 2016 15:51

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

That guy wants someone to complain to HR, so HR can try to discipline, so he can turn around and sue them. Totally trying to bait a lawsuit.

# ? Nov 8, 2016 15:53

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

I [27M] casually mentioned a paternity test. Now my wife [29F] can never forgive me

quote:

Yesterday me and wife went for her third trimester sonogram and saw unborn baby's face. We agreed the baby didn't really resemble me. After the doctor, we watched Jack Reacher 2, which has 2-3 scenes discussing a paternity test and a major theme of who's the father.

On the ride home, talking about the baby and the movie, I said "Hey, would you mind if I got a paternity test for the baby?"

Her: "...What? Why??"

Me: "You know, like in the movie."

Her: "Why would YOU need a paternity test?"

Me: "Cuz the baby doesn't look like me and the movie."

Her: "Do you think I'm cheating"

Me: "No, but, you know, no husband thinks that."

Her: "You don't trust me?"

Me: "I do, but you know, just to be 100%..."

Her: "How do I know YOU'RE not cheating?"

Me: "With who? I don't even have any female friends."

The conversation lasted 3 minutes, really just repeating above and wife getting increasingly upset until finally she said this was going to be a permanent stain and she didn't think she could ever forgive me and she started crying. But not like normal crying, like screaming crying, like wailing so loud you could hear half a mile away.

At first I'm nice and try to calm her down, but after 2 minutes of wailing I'm getting really irritated so I yell at her to shut up (which has absolutely no affect) so I roll down the front windows (It's cold, but she can roll up her window.) and drive home saying nothing but listening to her wail/scream for about 12 minutes.

We didn't say anything the rest of the night, except I later apologized for losing my temper and yelling to shut up (she ignored me) but did I really mess up anywhere else? How do I resolve this and why in the world is this such a big deal? She ignored me all night and morning when I went to work. She still has not said anything since.

For the record, I have never accused her of cheating or asked to see her phone/facebook/whatever.
TL:DR: Asked wife about paternity test. She can never forgive me. How to resolve?

EDIT: Thanks for the comments guys. Was only expecting 1-2. Did not realize the seriousness of asking. I guess I was expecting more like "I'm not cheating, so I don't care if you test." or something along those lines.

Followups:

quote:

Probably the emotional maturity of a brick. I have almost no emotions at all. Thanks for the comment.

quote:

It just seemed like the logical thing to do. Obviously I was mistaken. Thanks for the comment.

# ? Nov 8, 2016 16:02

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

I [27M] casually mentioned a paternity test. Now my wife [29F] can never forgive me

quote:

Did not realize the seriousness of asking. I guess I was expecting more like "I'm not cheating, so I don't care if you test." or something along those lines.

# ? Nov 8, 2016 16:03

Stickfigure: Sep 4, 2011; by Nyc_Tattoo

LOL cuck confirmed.

# ? Nov 8, 2016 16:04

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

That guy maybe the stupidest fucker in history. How the gently caress is a sonogram going to look like either parent? Jfc

# ? Nov 8, 2016 16:03

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

hahaha I'm so happy the movie was Jack Reacher 2

# ? Nov 8, 2016 16:04

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Hahahaha holy gently caress that guy is autistic for sure

# ? Nov 8, 2016 16:05

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

I'm not even sure how someone not looking like a fetus gets brought up in a conversation anyway.

# ? Nov 8, 2016 16:06

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# ? May 9, 2024 10:27

kuddles: Jul 16, 2006; Like a fist wrapped in blood...

Another marriage ruined by a Jack Reacher movie.

# ? Nov 8, 2016 16:06

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