Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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H.H: Oct 24, 2006; August is the Cruelest Month

a mysterious cloak posted:

That's awesome

We made Monster Spray (water in a spray bottle) when my son was 3 or 4; he would occasionally spray a little under his bed and at the window and closet when he was scared. Monsters never got him and he slept great!

This is actually a brilliant idea. My 3.5 year old nephew will soon reach the age where he might be afraid of monsters, I'll pitch it to my sister.

# ? Nov 9, 2016 14:32

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 9, 2024 22:58

Putty: Mar 21, 2013; HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

im a grown adult what do i do if i have a monster threat

# ? Nov 9, 2016 19:37

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

I'm in a lovely mood today, here's a racist Canadian pretending to be a native African

quote:

I emigrated from Eritrea, applied for asylum which was granted to my brother and myself in Italy. My parents had stayed behind and later they left and we were all united in Canada, which has granted me many opportunities for schooling and to learn a trade.

When I was young in Eritrea, westerners would come in and impose their values all of the time. They would assume we were some heathen African clans that worshiped cattle dung. No, we, the Saho, were ancient Christians, and have known Christ many many years before. They taught the girls and the women to cover themselves and not to scar their bodies. In Eritrea, it being a very diverse place, with many tribes, customs and faiths, we did not embrace Western ideas aside from the technology. They would tell the girls "if a man has relations with you before marriage it is wrong".

Women are gullible creatures, not just in Eritrea, but everywhere. The men and women missionaries and NGO workers kept bringing their value system to us. My friend was accused of rape, the first time in my village anyone had ever been accused of such an act, what is worse, he faced a military tribunal so we helped him leave to Ethiopia.

In my village we know what a rape is. Here they come, MSF with psychiatrists and counselors and they start to tell everyone about how rape is the destruction of a mind. We laughed at this openly. Some of our men forced themselves on the westerners and went to extreme measures to make their point. That you will not teach us about rape, we will show you what a real rape is. Now some of our women started to complain about their treatment in the civil departments, and even the military. In our military, if a elder officer desires a woman who is his subordinate, he can have her if he wishes. The women know this before they are joined into the military.

I have never raped a woman but I find it very funny to me that so many western women consider sexual penetration to be a life changing thing to them. I see them cry and this effects me, but then later I laugh about it. They do not know the pain of watching your village get destroyed by disease or to have nothing to eat for days. To walk an entire day to get water you cannot see into. There is no rape culture in the West. In Toronto, there is no rape culture. I guess I am confessing to this anonymously because if I said this in my class I would be expelled. I have tried to talk to my sociology professor about this subject but he stops me and says that this is not something he is willing to discuss.

The most annoying thing about being Eritrean in Canada is the liberal girls. They want to date you and treat you like a pet boyfriend. What they should do is act like ladies and learn how to shave themselves as even the most primitive of people in my homeland do. I don't want to be your boyfriend so you can say to your circle "look my boyfriend, he is an African, I am not a racist". But these stupid women, they are the most racist of them all. But it is easy to make sex with them. Too easy.

quote:

loquacius posted:
I don't get it but I fully admit that fitting dongs into women's underwear is not my area of expertise

When I'm tucking, it keeps my junk tucked. When I'm not (presenting male), it keeps it centered: important because men's underwear plus women's trousers equals the leaning tower of penis. An engineering degree well spent

Asked and answered I guess

# ? Nov 9, 2016 19:49

Indolent Bastard: Oct 26, 2007; I WON THIS AMAZING AVATAR! I'M A WINNER! WOOOOO!

loquacius posted:

But it is easy to make sex with them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nnztYvPEiM&t=48s

# ? Nov 9, 2016 19:55

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; What is the Matrix 🌐? We just don't know 😎.; Buglord

"It too easy to make a sex with the sluts - a black man" - a white man

# ? Nov 9, 2016 19:57

Buttcoin purse: Apr 24, 2014

Putty posted:

im a grown adult what do i do if i have a monster threat

Vote Trump

# ? Nov 10, 2016 11:21

skeletonotherkin: Sep 26, 2014

Eritrean guy how would you feel about being held down and hosed in the rear end repeatably by an aids positive dick?

# ? Nov 10, 2016 16:28

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

after college i moved in with some friends and one of them was this hot girl i went to high school with. we were ok friends but she got on my nerves all the time. sometimes she was super annoying (inviting her bf to stay for weeks at a time, not paying bills for weeks at a time, leaving used tampons in the shower for weeks at a time). whenever i was really annoyed, i would jerk off and fire a load into her body lotion. i did this a whole bunch. one night i stepped it up and jerked off on her toothbrush. once the afterglow wore off, i looked down to see my cloudy spunk dripping off the bristles and i knew i had gone too far. so i washed the jizz off and dropped the t-brush behind the toilet, in plain sight. so then she'd think it fell by accident. i never jerked off in her body lotion again.

quote:

My Armenian-Lebanese coworker grew up during the war and he has the best stories: counter-battery fire landing in their flat's parking lot because a rocket artillery position had been there minutes ago; being woken up in the middle of the night to run down to the bomb shelter; he and the other kids collecting and playing with spent machine gun brass casings; etc.

But the best story, and the reason I'm posting anonymously, is how he got his surname. As far as he knows, he and his son are the only two people in the world with that name (they're not, I checked, but it's a really uncommon name). Well, he and his first cousins all have made up surnames, all different, because Grandpa was a wanted terrorist and his name was dangerous to have. You see it seems good old Grandpa, back when the family lived in Syria, would from time to time grab the rifle, walk up the mountain range behind home, cross the border with Turkey and kill him some Turks. He lived to 90+ years and was never caught. One of his sons wanted the Turk-killing rifle as a memento but he denied it

A sad footnote: the area has since been overrun by ISIS and all the churches (it's a Christian area) destroyed

# ? Nov 10, 2016 16:30

ALFbrot: Apr 17, 2002

Man that sad footnote is a pity, the rest of it was a real laugh riot until then

# ? Nov 10, 2016 16:38

Fried Watermelon: Dec 29, 2008

Some men like to smoke a pipe after a long hard day, some men like to smoke some Turks instead

# ? Nov 10, 2016 17:22

tater_salad: Sep 15, 2007

Fried Watermelon posted:

Some men like to smoke a pipe after a long hard day, some men like to smoke some Turks instead

# ? Nov 11, 2016 01:33

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

I'm a gal who's always had a fantasy about being hosed by two men at the same time, or DP'd (double penetrated) as it's referred to in porn. One dick in my rear end and the other in my pussy. I finally made it a reality last weekend, when my boyfriend got one of his best friends to help out. I've never cum more times or harder in my entire life, I felt like I was floating.

If there are any goon women out there wondering about it, I highly recommend trying it. It feels amazing.

# ? Nov 14, 2016 17:02

bradzilla: Oct 15, 2004

who got which hole

# ? Nov 14, 2016 17:25

Malpais Legate: Oct 1, 2014

Pussy is a terrible word.

# ? Nov 14, 2016 17:28

KomodoWagon: May 10, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Malpais Legate posted:

Pussy is a terrible word.

It goes fanny < pussy < oval office < minge < cunny < cooter

# ? Nov 14, 2016 17:46

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

Malpais Legate posted:

Pussy is a terrible word.

Pussy is great. What would be better?

# ? Nov 14, 2016 17:46

tater_salad: Sep 15, 2007

The Management posted:

Pussy is great. What would be better?

Snatch

# ? Nov 14, 2016 17:51

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

KomodoWagon posted:

It goes fanny < pussy < oval office < minge < cunny < cooter

"minge"

I dunno that one and it makes it sound super gross

Is that an England thing or what

# ? Nov 14, 2016 17:52

Stunt_enby: Feb 6, 2010; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

The Management posted:

Pussy is great. What would be better?

slitty

# ? Nov 14, 2016 17:54

dookifex_maximus: Aug 10, 2016; by zen death robot

skeletonotherkin posted:

Eritrean guy how would you feel about being held down and hosed in the rear end repeatably by an aids positive dick?

americans love corrective rape

# ? Nov 14, 2016 18:00

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Stuntman posted:

slitty

axe wound, front butt

# ? Nov 14, 2016 18:00

dookifex_maximus: Aug 10, 2016; by zen death robot

mark of cain

dookifex_maximus fucked around with this message at 18:58 on Nov 14, 2016

# ? Nov 14, 2016 18:01

Cumslut1895: Feb 18, 2015; by FactsAreUseless

"Sin Hole"

# ? Nov 14, 2016 18:08

bradzilla: Oct 15, 2004

Cumslut1895 posted:

"Sin Hole"

fuckhole

# ? Nov 14, 2016 18:11

value-brand cereal: May 2, 2008

loquacius posted:

"minge"

I dunno that one and it makes it sound super gross

Is that an England thing or what

It's one letter away from mange, that godawful skin condition.

# ? Nov 14, 2016 18:15

Pershing: Feb 21, 2010; John "Black Jack" Pershing
Hard Fucking Core

The Management posted:

Pussy is great. What would be better?

Excellent post/AV combo.

# ? Nov 14, 2016 18:37

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

artificially stocked lake posted:

fuckhole

Let's have some tact. Husband Hole.

# ? Nov 14, 2016 18:44

Drunk Nerds: Jan 25, 2011; Just close your eyes; Fun Shoe

loquacius posted:

DP girl

Somewhere, the goon who posted this is printing it out to show to his wife to argue she should give him the cuckolding he so desperately desires

# ? Nov 14, 2016 18:45

Whorelord: May 1, 2013; Jump into the well...

loquacius posted:

"minge"

I dunno that one and it makes it sound super gross

Is that an England thing or what

i prefer clunge

# ? Nov 14, 2016 18:47

KomodoWagon: May 10, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Drunk Nerds posted:

Somewhere, the goon who posted this is printing it out to show to his wife to argue she should give him the cuckolding he so desperately desires

I don't think it's a cucking if you're having sex with your wife

# ? Nov 14, 2016 18:50

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; What is the Matrix 🌐? We just don't know 😎.; Buglord

Drunk Nerds posted:

Somewhere, the goon who posted this is printing it out to show to his wife to argue she should give him the cuckolding he so desperately desires

Yeah, you don't know what double penetration is

# ? Nov 14, 2016 18:57

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Is it still considered a "cuck" if the husband is joining in? I'd argue that letting anyone else drill your wife would qualify as a "cuck" even if you were actively joining in at the time.

# ? Nov 14, 2016 19:01

Chard: Aug 24, 2010

Improbable Lobster posted:

Yeah, you don't know what double penetration is

It's when you find a normal, two-dick man to satisfy your wife in ways your sick pathetic monophallus never could.

# ? Nov 14, 2016 19:05

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Solice Kirsk posted:

Is it still considered a "cuck" if the husband is joining in? I'd argue that letting anyone else drill your wife would qualify as a "cuck" even if you were actively joining in at the time.

I mean you could argue that if you're dumb

# ? Nov 14, 2016 19:05

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

LethalGeek posted:

I mean you could argue that if you're dumb

It's about the sanctity of marriage!

# ? Nov 14, 2016 20:39

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Wait, I'm remembering a line from Game of Thrones now about a slice of ginger minge or something, so I guess it is both A Thing and An England Thing

# ? Nov 14, 2016 21:20

timp: Sep 19, 2007; Everything is in my control; Lipstick Apathy

loquacius posted:

Wait, I'm remembering a line from Game of Thrones now about a slice of ginger minge or something, so I guess it is both A Thing and An England Thing

There's also that South Park episode about Oprah's 'minge' which has a really strong cockneyed British accent. That's honestly the first and only time I've heard that word used until today

# ? Nov 14, 2016 21:23