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Magnus Praeda posted:Seriously, your ears are largely self-cleaning. They have cilia that moves the wax up and out after it's fulfilled its purpose of keeping bacteria and other nasties out. If you have a bad wax buildup (like it's plugged your ears bad), you need to go see an ENT. I get fully-blocked ear canals regularly when I don't clean my ears, and I saw a doctor and they said nothing was wrong and not to worry about it. Of course, doctors also told me the same things about blood in my stool and passing out on my bathroom floor, so 
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Nov 10, 2016 22:12
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There's this cool thing called a second opinion.
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Nov 11, 2016 01:35
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I heart bacon posted:Botox dick injections "BUTTOX - butthole Botox for the girl who's apprehensive about a knock on her back door"
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Nov 11, 2016 01:49
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Paralyzing your butthole would be a terrible thing to do.
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Nov 11, 2016 02:00
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Kwyndig posted:Paralyzing your butthole would be a terrible thing to do. It's either not staying in or never coming out.
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Nov 11, 2016 02:30
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Kwyndig posted:Paralyzing your butthole would be a terrible thing to do. 
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Nov 11, 2016 03:28
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BOOTY-ADE posted:"BUTTOX - butthole Botox for the girl who's apprehensive about a knock on her back door" I'm imagining that this would cause the weirdest sounding farts ever. Like the sad trombone of farts. 
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Nov 11, 2016 04:25
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It's burgin' time! 
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BOOTY-ADE posted:"BUTTOX - butthole Botox for the girl who's apprehensive about a knock on her back door" If only I didn't post in that namechange thread, I could have been sort of funny here. Instead I guess I'll just stick with my regular style of being the worst and unfunniest
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Nov 11, 2016 05:09
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Olive Garden tonight! posted:If only I didn't post in that namechange thread, I could have been sort of funny here. Instead I guess I'll just stick with my regular style of being the worst and unfunniest Stay the course
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Nov 11, 2016 07:02
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John Lee posted:I get fully-blocked ear canals regularly when I don't clean my ears, and I saw a doctor and they said nothing was wrong and not to worry about it. Of course, doctors also told me the same things about blood in my stool and passing out on my bathroom floor, so A doctor will usually tell you that wax is important and that removing it isn't necessary. This, however, does not apply if your ears get literally blocked by it. You should really seek a second opinion, particularly about your bleeding rear end in a top hat (although it is true that if it's red blood it isn't so serious, as it means your Anus is bleeding, probably from constipation or a hemorrhoid, instead of internal bleeding).
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Nov 11, 2016 10:03
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Non Serviam posted:A doctor will usually tell you that wax is important and that removing it isn't necessary. This, however, does not apply if your ears get literally blocked by it. plus you can just buy red underwear and keep it your lil secret
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Nov 11, 2016 17:06
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Fart.Bleed.Repeat. posted:plus you can just buy red underwear and keep it your lil secret The deadpool approach to lifehacking.
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Nov 11, 2016 18:56
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okay thanks to this thread i realised that asking my colour-blind husband if his poo poo-blood is bright red or dark red is a terrible idea oh my god
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Nov 11, 2016 18:58
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The Snoo posted:okay thanks to this thread i realised that asking my colour-blind husband if his poo poo-blood is bright red or dark red is a terrible idea oh my god Again, this might be a case in which a doctor needs to be involved.
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Nov 11, 2016 22:33
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The Snoo posted:okay thanks to this thread i realised that asking my colour-blind husband if his poo poo-blood is bright red or dark red is a terrible idea oh my god Let me guess, it turned out to be green?
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Nov 11, 2016 23:34
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Non Serviam posted:Again, this might be a case in which a doctor needs to be involved. he's just very bad at eating sunflower seeds
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Nov 11, 2016 23:52
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The Snoo posted:he's just very bad at eating sunflower seeds You'll have to explain this. Are the shells scratching his Anus or what?
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Nov 12, 2016 13:15
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PYF Stupid Lifehacks: Are the shells scratching his Anus or what?
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Nov 12, 2016 13:34
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Stoatbringer posted:PYF Stupid Lifehacks: Are the shells scratching his Anus or what? When I wrote that I thought it'd end up there. Also SwiftKey capitalizes Anus.
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Nov 12, 2016 13:48
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John Lee posted:I get fully-blocked ear canals regularly when I don't clean my ears, and I saw a doctor and they said nothing was wrong and not to worry about it. Of course, doctors also told me the same things about blood in my stool and passing out on my bathroom floor, so Dude you need to a) get a referral to an ENT for your unusual ear situation, and b) get a different general practitioner (or a second opinion, as suggested above) for everything else.
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Nov 12, 2016 13:51
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Non Serviam posted:You'll have to explain this. Are the shells scratching his Anus or what? It's like swallowing thousands of tiny knives.
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Nov 12, 2016 14:15
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SiKboy posted:Let me guess, it turned out to be green? You're out of your Vulcan mind.
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Nov 12, 2016 23:16
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bongwizzard posted:It's like swallowing thousands of tiny knives. he won't eat a vegetable but the shells of whole sunflower seeds are fair game  I've seen other goons say they eat them this stupid way and I'm like: why
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Nov 12, 2016 23:31
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Why not? It's a pain in the rear end either way.
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Nov 13, 2016 06:05
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Hirayuki posted:Why not? Yeah, and why peel bananas or oranges? I also like to toss whole non-shelled walnuts in my mouth like a full size nutcracker,
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Nov 13, 2016 06:20
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I came in here expecting the new title to be something Demolition Man-related
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Nov 13, 2016 06:46
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InediblePenguin posted:I came in here expecting the new title to be something Demolition Man-related I would've thought some diy toilet paper made of seaweed and sea shells
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Nov 13, 2016 06:59
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InediblePenguin posted:I came in here expecting the new title to be something Demolition Man-related That was me, too. I was all prepared with the quote and everything. Still, goons and weird eating habits did not disappoint.
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Nov 13, 2016 09:31
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InediblePenguin posted:I came in here expecting the new title to be something Demolition Man-related The best line in that movie is the understated opening - Reporter: How do you justify demolishing a ten million dollar mini-mall to rescue a girl who's ransom was only $10,000? Girl: gently caress you, Lady  Stallone: Well said 
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Nov 13, 2016 09:40
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If you want green shits, just eat some black licorice.
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Nov 15, 2016 06:36
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:If you want green shits, just eat some black licorice. If you want blue poop, just drink a half bottle of Green Apple Pucker.
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Nov 15, 2016 07:05
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CharlieWhiskey posted:If you want blue poop, just drink a half bottle of Green Apple Pucker. There was a goonette who got Helldumped back in the day who claimed eating some rainbow ice cream at TCBY would turn your poop blue.  I have never forgotten this, for some reason.
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Nov 15, 2016 08:45
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I do want blue poop. Is that wrong?
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Nov 15, 2016 08:45
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Get some blue food dye and live the dream. E133/brilliant blue is what you're looking for. I can vouch for Wilton's blue dye. Would that all one's life goals were so easily attainable.
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Nov 15, 2016 08:56
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If you're worried your pee might be too basic drink some Phenolphthalein. If it turns your pee pink you need to drink more acids.
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Nov 15, 2016 10:14
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Mustached Demon posted:If you're worried your pee might be too basic drink some Phenolphthalein. If it turns your pee pink you need to drink more acids. Can't I just contract porphyria and pee purple? WUALAU!
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Nov 15, 2016 10:36
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:Can't I just contract porphyria and pee purple? WUALAU!
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Nov 15, 2016 16:01
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Drinking a can of Rockstar Energy Drink will make your pee the exact color as the Rockstar, bright bright yellow.
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Nov 15, 2016 16:11
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:Can't I just contract porphyria and pee purple? WUALAU! I can't help you out with purple, but I got pyridium once, and the nurse who warned me "it might tint your urine amber-ish" was understating juuuuust a little: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phenazopyridine I was peeing what looked like orange Hi-C for a few days. It also can turn your eyes yellow and stain contact lenses 
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Nov 15, 2016 18:06
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Mix yourself together some Red Bull, Liquid Ice, (legit) Tonic Water, hook up a black light in your bathroom and watch the light show begin!
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Nov 15, 2016 18:19
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