Improbable Lobster posted:

do so safely

RyokoTK posted:

Shame Wagon posted:

The context is the aus chat thread in gbs.

Skylark posted:

I went to page one of the thread to see why it caused someone to shove some kind of object into his urethra, and the stated premise of the thread is to post pictures of "Big animals" such as a big lizard.

no they will not posted:

DOWN JACKET FETISH posted:

EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A SOUNDING ROD DOWN MY DICK

LORD OF BOOTY posted:

Jesus christ this thread took a weird turn

Epic High Five posted:

Oh poo poo Trump has an application to apply for high ranking positions right there on the webpage https://www.greatagain.gov/serve-america.html

mormonpartyboat posted:

ITS A COOKBOOK

Wizard Master posted:

Full from of husbend......

blarzgh posted:

H: Has Tits
U: Under
S: Sleeveless
B: Blouse, and
A: Ascot
N: kNees
D: Dangeously large.

Mad Wack posted:

at my job every conference room is owned by a department and assigned to the admin of that apt - this leads to you booking a room and getting a decline plus form email from the admin. there is no structure across the company for how these rooms are booked and each admin comes up with their own process so depending on what room you try to get you may just have a short im convo or you may be logging into lotus notes to submit a form to a database or even doing a transaction or two in sap. its really cool and good because every dept has way less rooms then they need so you get tribal warfare over rooms and hidden conference rooms.

my mind was blown when i went into finance and was introduced to the "cave" a conf room that looks like a group of cubes but the walls have been removed from the inside so people can meet. then after befriending the us controller i learned that the cave had a hidden cave that was actually a full conference room marked as a mother's room hidden in the back of the cave. also another group successfully lobbied to move the company convenience store to the cafeteria so they could turn it into a meeting room but they kept the keys with their admin so nobody could steal it. my dept (it, what a shocker) consolidated our data center and ops room into one room so the old noc became a hidden conference room that you need retina scanner access to get to and its forbidden to bring anyone outside the dept to it


so yeah people get weird about conference rooms and meeting titles


oh forgot one other thing, all our official conf rooms have those little touchscreens where you can book the room but one day global changed the corp directory backend without consulting the vendor so now for four months they just say "error: unreachable host" and flash between red and green

i don't really pay too much attention to any of this as i am currently consumed in the coffee room wars

Tiny Bug Child posted:

mega lol @ the finance department that uses a gutted cubicle conference shanty

Dex posted:

i hope i am never bored enough to ram objects down my dickhole until i destroy my penis, but life doesn't always go to plan i suppose

RyokoTK posted:

As soon as I see the words "sounding rod" I hit the middle mouse button and loving rake it down my mousepad so hard that I scroll to the bottom of the page and hit it so hard I break through and fall onto a different website that doesn't talk about people jamming poo poo into their dicks.

DOWN JACKET FETISH posted:

EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A SOUNDING ROD DOWN MY DICK

Tossed_Salad_Man posted:

Life is a giant radioactive sweaty rabid gorilla, with a 37 inch studded electrified cock which oozes searing acid. The sooner you get used to the fact that life is going to bend you over a pickle barrel and rear end gently caress you until your eyes rocket out of your ears, the sooner you can move on. It's like a game, but you don't win, you just get a lot of rear end loving, and well, gently caress.

666 posted:

Realize that falling in love with someone is just the results of a series of generic events that can occur between you and basically anyone who meets your standards of attractiveness. It's just an emotional manifestation of a handfull of chemicals bouncing back and forth. It's not the holy grail of living, it's not your reason to exist and it's definitely not something reserved for "that one person". Accept that you are just an animal with a big brain that allows him to fret over what only amounts to a game of hormone pool. What you're feeling is not your soul dying a gurgling, ugly death, but withdrawal. All the happy chemicals that saturated your body when you were with her are kicking out cold turkey, and your body is screaming bloody murder, where are my loving endorphins?
It's just chocolate. Find a new bar.

Therapy posted:

I think you just need to sit them all down the very first day, have a nice long talk. Something like this.
You: "Hey guys, nice to meet you. Ok, now let's get things straight. I masturbate a lot. A whole lot. I mean, a disturbing amount of masturbation takes place between me and my spare time. I want you to understand one thing: I'm master of whack. I need to whack sometimes four or five times a day. I'll do it in the kitchen, in the bathroom, in your bed, in my bed, I will clean up with various clothes lying around, clean or dirty, mine or yours. I might ejaculate into food that we have in the fridge, just for fun. Once in a while, I might ejaculate while thinking of one of you guys. It's nothing personal, that's just what I do. You'll have to expect to catch me masturbating frequently, I might even do it in class or in the hallways on the way back from class. The walls will be stained with various explosions of my sperm, and there will usually be that funny smell of crusty dried semen throughout the dorm. Sometimes I'll masturbate while I'm on the phone with my mom, or a religious leader of my personal choosing. I once masturbated while riding my bike. I mean, you have to understand, I am really the Maestro of Masturbation. I've perfected it into an artform, and I expect you to let me practice my art whenever and wherever I please. With whoever I please. Capiche?"
Them: "Yeah, no problem, that's cool, man."
Seriously, is your biggest concern about college "Where the hell will I whack off!?"? Man...that's pretty sad, really.

Dreddout posted:

over 300 confirmed orgasms

Soho Joe posted:

Um I found a .rtf from 2006 with quotes I saved, it was the kind of stuff I found edgy/cool/funny/philosophical literally a decade ago




I don't want to flood the thread but I have a lot more to share

The Amazing Rando! posted:

Jesus gently caress! You're an American in Korea and you're busy looking at porn? That's like a man dying of thirst on a boat in the middle of a lake because he's busy eating pictures of glasses of water.

Unknown posted:

It's like watching a train derail while part of it slides down the tracks and all the passengers are being tossed about like ragdolls, just getting slammed around and beaten up and maybe even killed in some cases, but part of the train has broken off and keeps sliding sideways down the track and then you see a guy passed out on the tracks and you wonder "hey, will the train lose momentum and slow down and stop before it smears him everywhere?" That's what this thread is like to me, and I'm enjoying it greatly.

Unknown posted:

Youre goddamn relationship is loving doomed if you carry this out.
D O O M E D.
Let me try to draw this picture.
You relation ship would be like unto the Exxon Valdez, the threesome well I dont know where all this poo poo fits in however hers what will loving Happen.
Imagine the Exxon Valdez, except this time it has giant rockets attached to the deck to make it go faster, it is now carrying a highly flammable, unstable oxidizing HOLY MOTHER OF gently caress explosion fuel, instead of crashing into a little bit of sand and rocks it is rocketing into a atoll created from highly sensitive nuclear warheads, nuclear powered mines, nuclear powered speedboats full of nuclear powered grenpeace robots who are holding nuclear powred signs. Now as the rocketship Exxon Valdez careens headlong into the affore mentioned nuclear powered explosive atoll, the sun has decided to super nova, yeah it just skipped a bunch of million years of fission and decided to blow the gently caress up, as all of this comes together, jesus lights a fart and the universe as we knew it, nuclear powered or no, implodes.
What I am trying to say is this is a highly unsurvivable unsurrmountable task, it shou;d be avoided like the disaster i described above, unless you dont give a gently caress about this relationship, then go for it, CAP'N.

DOWN JACKET FETISH posted:

a time, ten years ago, when goons posted like hellbastard fans

Mother loving Hell Yes, Let Me Just.

Spell It Out For You.

Rhetorical Question??

DOWN JACKET FETISH posted:

a time, ten years ago, when goons posted like hellbastard fans

Mother loving Hell Yes, Let Me Just.

Spell It Out For You.

Rhetorical Question??

purple death ray posted:

When people say they want to bring back Old GBS that kind of posting is all I can think of

purple death ray posted:

When people say they want to bring back Old GBS that kind of posting is all I can think of

Unknown posted:

YOU KNOW, YOU NEEDLE-DICKED PANSIES BOTH COWER IN FEAR WHEN I WHIP MY TOWERING CYCLOPS OUT. MY PENIS CONSUMES LIGHT AND WHOLE ASTEROIDS LIKE THEY WERE NOTHING. ONE TIME I GOT AN ERECTION AND WELL THAT CAUSED A WHOLE GALAXY TO BE SHATTERED BY THE SHEER FORCE. WHEN I EJACULATE IT CAUSES THE GRAVITATIONAL CONSTANT OF THE UNIVERSE TO BE ALTERED BECAUSE OF THE SUDDEN INCREASE IN MASS. AT THE END OF TIME THERE WILL BE NOTHING LEFT IN THE UNIVERSE BUT DARK MATTER AND MY PENIS. MY PENIS EXISTS IN FOUR DIMENSIONS, EXPANDING OUTWARD AT LIGHT SPEED LIKE TIME ITSELF. MY PENIS COMPOSES THE UNIVERSE AND TICKLES AZATHOTH'S OMNIPOTENT BUNGHOLE WHEN THE STARS ARE RIGHT. ENTROPY IS BUT A FART IN THE WIND FOR MY PENIS. MY PENIS CAN BREAK MATHEMATICS! IT IS ABLE TO TRANSCEND REALITY AND DESTROY HUMAN THOUGHT WITH ITS SHEER VOLUME AND MASS. MY PENIS HAS A PENIS, AND THAT PENIS IS STILL BIGGER THAN YOUR PENIS.

Unknown posted:

Cheney frankly scares me a lot. It's like Bush is Agahnim from Zelda and really not that hard to beat whereas Cheny is Ganon, controlling Agahnim from the side of the dark world and while you only need the master sword to beat Bush you need the magic mirror, the fire staff, the golden sword, AND the silver arrows to get at Gannon.
Furthermore Cheney's fighting style is much like Gannon's as well. Making himself invisible and teleporting around and what not making it hard to hit him while slowly breaking apart the floor around his opponent forcing Link closer and closer to his attacks.
In summary I think Edwards better get four well timed golden arrows off and watch out for loose floor tiles.

Unknown posted:

I wash myself in the shower with Comet and steel wool. I scrape the stubble off my face with a Ka-Bar and use gasoline for aftershave. Then I comb my hair with a live wolverine.
I put crystal meth in my coffee. When I go to work, I chase down cars on foot, drag the drivers out, kill them, and then take their cars to work.
When I take a smoke break, I burn styrofoam and inhale the fumes.
When I go hunting, I just stare at the deer. They follow me home and climb into my freezer. Because they know. They know.

Improbable Lobster posted:

SA truly pioneered internet garbage

purple death ray posted:

When people say they want to bring back Old GBS that kind of posting is all I can think of

theflyingorc posted:

dont sign your posts

DOWN JACKET FETISH posted:

bad

wrong

RyokoTK posted:

Self aggrandizing posting, infantile swearing, and context-less news posts.

Not better or worse than Nu GBS, just a different flavor.

Mycroft Holmes posted:

don't sign your posts

DOWN JACKET FETISH posted:

unfunny imbecile

- unfunny imbecile

DOWN JACKET FETISH posted:

unfunny imbecile

- unfunny imbecile

Mycroft Holmes posted:

you just keep signing. are you not reading the words I am typing?

Exilechamp posted:

I'm riveted, and would like to see more of this publication. The story grabbed me, with the raw emotion; she suddenly has a penis. Just imagine, you had no penis, then you had one. I think we can all relate to that.

Lumore posted:

Spelling "Kataclysm" with a "K" proves that this band is, if not hardcore to the extreme, then certainly hardcore to within a statistically insignificant margin of the extreme.

R-Lo posted:

JJCoolJ is a Weeble Wobble; no matter how many times he's kicked in the head, he always springs right back up with a stupid, clueless grin on his face.

In a thread about lab-grown meat for eating posted:

It's MEAT. Just that. Meat. Not pork. Not beef. Meat. "What's for dinner?" "Meat." Meat. Meat. Not chicken. Not ham. Not dog. Meat. Just meat.
That's the worst thing about it...

purple death ray posted:

I never said new GBS was good