FARTHOUSE 5: - sounds funny but ultimately you just shit your pants

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > FARTHOUSE 5: - sounds funny but ultimately you just shit your pants

«‹›195 »

whypick1: Dec 18, 2009; Just another jackass on the Internet

Qwijib0 posted:

So, classic or cities and knights

C+K or GTFO. I'm all about that paper son.

# ? Dec 1, 2016 20:50

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 14, 2024 19:29

Silly Burrito: Nov 27, 2007; SET A COURSE FOR
THE FLAVOR QUADRANT

Febreeze posted:

Alex Smith would drink a cranberry juice and be the designated driver at a party
Roethlisberger would be the roofie giving rapist
Jameis would also be the rapist, but he'd fail at it, then steal something from the house
Dak is just happy to be there and everyone likes him
Andrew Luck is the weirdo roommate who already lived there and is trying to get people to play settlers of catan
Eli is the double dipper
Kaep is the guy trying to get people to volunteer with him while everyone else laughs
Cam is the best dancer at the party
Matt Ryan brought his own craft beer that nobody else likes so he just drinks it all himself
Russell Wilson won't shut up about God and his wife
Brock Osweiler keeps trying to win at beer pong but he can't hit a cup to save his life
Stafford is the party drinker who got the keg and throws up like 3 times but rallies and goes all night
Sam Bradford fell off the balcony at the last party and is just trying to not get hurt this time
Andy Dalton is the face in the crowd you never actually talk with
Marcus Mariota didn't come to the party even though he was invited. He wanted to get a good sleep
Jared Goff is hitting on every girl about how he lives in LA
Kirk Cousins didn't actually drink much but he acts like he's more drunk than he is and everyone can tell he's faking it but he's not hurting anyone so they let him do it
Browns QB is rushed to the hospital to get his stomach pumped
Carson Palmer is the weird older guy who wants to feel young but just creeps people out
Drew brees is boring everyone he talks to about how he is financially planning his future
Tyrod is doing wrestling moves through the beer pong table
Jay Cutler is on the back porch the whole night smoking
Philip wanted to come but he couldn't find anyone to babysit his fleet of children
Derek Carr is the ugly guy who keeps getting more tail than you and you can't figure out how, must have a big dick
Tom Brady is cheating at all the drinking games because he doesn't want to have a good time he just wants to win. you know that douche
Ryan Tannehill is awkward but he brought his super hot GF that everyone hits on and he's too awkward to stop it
Joe Flacco took up Andrew Luck's offer and is playing settlers of Catan
Ryan Fitzpatrick is wasted and keeps trying to tell people how smart he is but nobody cares
Carson Wentz really wants to play settlers of catan but he doesn't want to admit to himself he's a dork so he awkwardly shuffles into other conversations as a nobody
Blake Bortles sucks at beer pong but he's so drat laid back you just can't hate the guy

That moment when you find out that Alex Smith is your spiritual quarterback...

# ? Dec 1, 2016 20:53

IcePhoenix: Sep 18, 2005; Take me to your Shida

schweens posted:

Hmm Aaron Rodgers and Trevor Semen are both unaccounted for. Very subtle, febreeze

Rodgers is hiding in the closet.

# ? Dec 1, 2016 21:12

Kalli: Jun 2, 2001

Tom Brady only drinks in places that look like the milk bar from Clockwork Orange.

# ? Dec 1, 2016 21:12

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Kalli posted:

Tom Brady only drinks in places that look like the milk bar from Clockwork Orange.

"The Korova Milkbar :eng101:

", *Chiche says smugly, before having a brief moment of self-awareness in which he compares his smug attitude with Aaron Rodgers. Also they both get drunk and start dancing with men instead of women.*

# ? Dec 1, 2016 21:17

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

Kalli posted:

Tom Brady only drinks in places that look like the milk bar from Clockwork Orange.

Milk+ is a performance enhancer

# ? Dec 1, 2016 22:49

Athanatos: Jun 7, 2006; Est. 1967

Febreeze posted:

Eli is the double dipper

Please.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfprRZQxWps

Watch that and you will learn that Eli is the Double Dip Prevention police guy.

# ? Dec 1, 2016 22:56

Chilichimp: Oct 24, 2006; TIE Adv xWampa

It wamp, and it stomp; Grimey Drawer

Athanatos posted:

Please.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfprRZQxWps

Watch that and you will learn that Eli is the Double Dip Prevention police guy.

Sweet Jesus... he's right.

# ? Dec 1, 2016 23:03

Grittybeard: Mar 29, 2010; Bad, very bad!

Febreeze posted:

Alex Smith would drink a cranberry juice and be the designated driver at a party
Roethlisberger would be the roofie giving rapist
Jameis would also be the rapist, but he'd fail at it, then steal something from the house
Dak is just happy to be there and everyone likes him
Andrew Luck is the weirdo roommate who already lived there and is trying to get people to play settlers of catan
Eli is the double dipper
Kaep is the guy trying to get people to volunteer with him while everyone else laughs
Cam is the best dancer at the party
Matt Ryan brought his own craft beer that nobody else likes so he just drinks it all himself
Russell Wilson won't shut up about God and his wife
Brock Osweiler keeps trying to win at beer pong but he can't hit a cup to save his life
Stafford is the party drinker who got the keg and throws up like 3 times but rallies and goes all night
Sam Bradford fell off the balcony at the last party and is just trying to not get hurt this time
Andy Dalton is the face in the crowd you never actually talk with
Marcus Mariota didn't come to the party even though he was invited. He wanted to get a good sleep
Jared Goff is hitting on every girl about how he lives in LA
Kirk Cousins didn't actually drink much but he acts like he's more drunk than he is and everyone can tell he's faking it but he's not hurting anyone so they let him do it
Browns QB is rushed to the hospital to get his stomach pumped
Carson Palmer is the weird older guy who wants to feel young but just creeps people out
Drew brees is boring everyone he talks to about how he is financially planning his future
Tyrod is doing wrestling moves through the beer pong table
Jay Cutler is on the back porch the whole night smoking
Philip wanted to come but he couldn't find anyone to babysit his fleet of children
Derek Carr is the ugly guy who keeps getting more tail than you and you can't figure out how, must have a big dick
Tom Brady is cheating at all the drinking games because he doesn't want to have a good time he just wants to win. you know that douche
Ryan Tannehill is awkward but he brought his super hot GF that everyone hits on and he's too awkward to stop it
Joe Flacco took up Andrew Luck's offer and is playing settlers of Catan
Ryan Fitzpatrick is wasted and keeps trying to tell people how smart he is but nobody cares
Carson Wentz really wants to play settlers of catan but he doesn't want to admit to himself he's a dork so he awkwardly shuffles into other conversations as a nobody
Blake Bortles sucks at beer pong but he's so drat laid back you just can't hate the guy

Matt Leinart shows up to hit on all the girls and do keg stands even though he's been out of ~~college~~ the league for years.

# ? Dec 1, 2016 23:11

Silly Burrito: Nov 27, 2007; SET A COURSE FOR
THE FLAVOR QUADRANT

Grittybeard posted:

Matt Leinart shows up to hit on all the girls and do keg stands even though he's been out of ~~college~~ the league for years.

So he's Matthew McConaughey from Dazed and Confused?

# ? Dec 1, 2016 23:16

Grittybeard: Mar 29, 2010; Bad, very bad!

Silly Burrito posted:

So he's Matthew McConaughey from Dazed and Confused?

I was trying to think of someone from one of the many college frat movies but this works much better.

# ? Dec 1, 2016 23:19

Darth Brooks: Jan 15, 2005; I do not wear this mask to protect me. I wear it to protect you from me.

Febreeze posted:

Andy Dalton is the face in the crowd you never actually talk with

Is this intentional? I see a resemblance between Andy Dalton and Andy Griffith but I don't know if anyone else does.

# ? Dec 1, 2016 23:28

Beefed Owl: Sep 13, 2007; Come at me scrub-lord I'm ripped!

God drat it i'm Drew Brees

# ? Dec 4, 2016 01:12

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Who's the guy who's king poo poo at beer pong and pours all his self worth into it so he doesn't have to try to have an actual conversation at the party

# ? Dec 4, 2016 01:32

Febreeze: Oct 24, 2011; I want to care, butt I dont

Spoeank posted:

Who's the guy who's king poo poo at beer pong and pours all his self worth into it so he doesn't have to try to have an actual conversation at the party

AJ Mccarron

# ? Dec 4, 2016 03:19

Chromatic: Jan 21, 2005; You guys ready to hear a satanic song?

Grittybeard posted:

Matt Leinart shows up to hit on all the girls and do keg stands even though he's been out of ~~college~~ the league for years.

I know a guy who went to USC with Leinart and loving hell did that dude party. He specifically mentioned that Leinart took part in hot tub fivesomes nightly for stretches of time.

Spoeank posted:

Who's the guy who's king poo poo at beer pong and pours all his self worth into it so he doesn't have to try to have an actual conversation at the party

I thought doxxing was against the rules. Mods?

# ? Dec 4, 2016 04:14

Febreeze: Oct 24, 2011; I want to care, butt I dont

I want to make a Chiefs comic but I can't think of anything hit me with your ideas, goons

# ? Dec 5, 2016 18:26

TITTIEKISSER69: Mar 19, 2005; SAVE THE BEES
PLANT MORE TREES
CLEAN THE SEAS
KISS TITTIESS

Alex Smith's tiny hands can't lift Andy Reid's McRib?

Yeah, I got nuthin'

# ? Dec 5, 2016 18:39

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Alex Smith as an actual manager with the defense and special teams guys as his subordinates and he takes credit for all their work

Edit: Alex Smith as Bill Lumberg, going around to different Chiefs players

"Yeah, Eric... if you could get me that pick six, that would be greaaat"

"Yea, Tyreek... if you could get me that kickoff return TD, that would be greaaat"

Then the last panel is Alex Smith getting a MANAGER OF THE YEAR award

Spoeank fucked around with this message at 18:43 on Dec 5, 2016

# ? Dec 5, 2016 18:41

sean10mm: Jun 29, 2005; It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World

Walrus Andy Reid with a Flava Flav neck clock has to be worked in there somehow, I feel

# ? Dec 5, 2016 18:53

Kalli: Jun 2, 2001

Alex Smith reading a history of football and getting to the Forward pass and going pfft, like that'd ever have worked.

Then he throws the book away and it lands open near Walrus Andy Reid on the Two minute warning and he looks at it quizzically.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 18:53

sean10mm: Jun 29, 2005; It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World

Kalli posted:

Alex Smith reading a history of football and getting to the Forward pass and going pfft, like that'd ever have worked.

Tiny hands, noodle arms, can't lose!

# ? Dec 5, 2016 18:54

whypick1: Dec 18, 2009; Just another jackass on the Internet

Kalli posted:

Then he throws the book away

I'd think he would lateral it instead.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 18:56

swickles: Aug 21, 2006; I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just some QB that I used to know

Alex Smith is unable to see.more than ten yards in front of him. Like he is constantly startled when people appear and disappear at that 10 yard radius.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 19:00

Chromatic: Jan 21, 2005; You guys ready to hear a satanic song?

The Chiefs have more comeback wins this season than anyone. http://www.arrowheadpride.com/2016/12/5/13841488/chiefs-lead-the-nfl-in-come-from-behind-wins-yes-this-is-real-life

Maybe the reason for the Chiefs always falling behind then coming back is because some clumsy sideline/waterboy/helper is always accidentally hooking Reid's usual BBQ feeding tube with Berry's chemotherapy lines before the game and tiring him out. Someone discovers this, fixes it, then gets the Chiefs on the right track.

It's dark, but it could work? Too dark for TDP?

# ? Dec 5, 2016 19:31

Febreeze: Oct 24, 2011; I want to care, butt I dont

swickles posted:

Alex Smith is unable to see.more than ten yards in front of him. Like he is constantly startled when people appear and disappear at that 10 yard radius.

I like the idea that Alex Smith's vision works like Video Game texture pop-in

# ? Dec 5, 2016 19:31

Darth Brooks: Jan 15, 2005; I do not wear this mask to protect me. I wear it to protect you from me.

"As god is my witness I thought footballs could fly."

# ? Dec 5, 2016 22:42

Mel Mudkiper: Jan 19, 2012; At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

I don't know why but the pensive deep expression of the Discount Double Check guy in this art film cracks me up

# ? Dec 5, 2016 22:55

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Eric Berry gets a checkup to make sure his cancer is still in remission. Dr. Swickles tells him he has some bad news and shows him a picture of his MRI (or whatever the gently caress they use for cancer screenings or some poo poo) and it is an Alex Smith tumor on his back.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 23:00

Lote: Aug 5, 2001; Place your bets

Mel Mudkiper posted:

I don't know why but the pensive deep expression of the Discount Double Check guy in this art film cracks me up

Almost Playoffs

Aaron Rodgers and Olivia Munn on the cover.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 23:22

Probably Magic: Oct 9, 2012; Looking cute, feeling cute.

Schroedinger with the Chief's playoff chances in his box. "Is it alive? Is it dead?"

# ? Dec 5, 2016 23:30

Shangri-Law School: Feb 19, 2013

Chromatic posted:

The Chiefs have more comeback wins this season than anyone. http://www.arrowheadpride.com/2016/12/5/13841488/chiefs-lead-the-nfl-in-come-from-behind-wins-yes-this-is-real-life

No they do not. That is a spurious definition of come-from-behind win.

# ? Dec 6, 2016 00:14

Febreeze: Oct 24, 2011; I want to care, butt I dont

Shangri-Law School posted:

No they do not. That is a spurious definition of come-from-behind win.

Yeah, that's hilarious. They have to move the goalposts to a very specific definition of comeback just to proclaim "WE ARE COMEBACK KINGS"

Also thanks for the suggestions, I think i got a good one that's mostly a big fat joke

# ? Dec 6, 2016 00:27

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

Alex 'McGoo' Smith

Or like a duck season/wabbit season joke with goodell being tricked to agree to let the titans/browns do the cleat thing next week

# ? Dec 6, 2016 02:26

AAAAA! Real Muenster: Jul 12, 2008; My QB is also named Bort

Febreeze
http://imgur.com/gallery/RrFR5

I dont go on twitter so seeing that popup on my facebook feed after someone shared it on Imgur is odd. But seriously, thats sicknasty.

# ? Dec 6, 2016 14:50

Chilichimp: Oct 24, 2006; TIE Adv xWampa

It wamp, and it stomp; Grimey Drawer

AAAAA! Real Muenster posted:

Febreeze
http://imgur.com/gallery/RrFR5

I dont go on twitter so seeing that popup on my facebook feed after someone shared it on Imgur is odd. But seriously, thats sicknasty.

Oh man, man... you publicly made fun of 9/11... comedy takes guts, I guess.

That a bold strategy, Cotton, lets see how it pays off for him.

# ? Dec 6, 2016 15:03

Febreeze: Oct 24, 2011; I want to care, butt I dont

AAAAA! Real Muenster posted:

Febreeze
http://imgur.com/gallery/RrFR5

I dont go on twitter so seeing that popup on my facebook feed after someone shared it on Imgur is odd. But seriously, thats sicknasty.

After years on this forum it felt tame to make that. Didnt get me in any trouble

Anyway Walrus fat jokes
http://www.thedrawplay.com/comic/andy-reid-orders-a-game-winning-drive/

# ? Dec 6, 2016 17:07

Chromatic: Jan 21, 2005; You guys ready to hear a satanic song?

Good loving god that's way better than anything I could have come up with.

Incredible work.

# ? Dec 6, 2016 17:24

Chilichimp: Oct 24, 2006; TIE Adv xWampa

It wamp, and it stomp; Grimey Drawer

Febreeze posted:

After years on this forum it felt tame to make that. Didnt get me in any trouble

Anyway Walrus fat jokes
http://www.thedrawplay.com/comic/andy-reid-orders-a-game-winning-drive/

Why are you just posting still images from the sideline of the game? I heard the Alex Smith mic'ed up and you're just reporting things as they happen at this point.

# ? Dec 6, 2016 18:30

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 14, 2024 19:29

a neat cape: Feb 22, 2007; Aw hunny, these came out GREAT!

Is it just me, or have three of the afc west teams had a lot of 4th quarter comebacks this year

# ? Dec 6, 2016 18:32

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > FARTHOUSE 5: - sounds funny but ultimately you just shit your pants

«‹›195 »