/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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100 degrees Calcium: Jan 23, 2011

It wasn't meant as a callout, just a trend I had noticed. I have my preferences, but I'm not a contributor so it don't matter. Y'all do you.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 22:19

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# ? May 16, 2024 21:05

NomChompsky: Sep 17, 2008

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

That guy is a loving prick but I dunno if I get manchild - no mention of warhammer or whatever. Just tension over an unplanned pregnancy which I have to imagine is ageless.

Honestly we really hosed up our society by not enshrining a moral framework that actively encourages abortion in cases where the parents aren't really really sure. Having a child is a big loving deal and so many people just shrug and say "eh why not" when presented with the possibility.

I know functional, married people who play Warhammer and other tabletop games. I do not know any functional people who behave like that guy.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 22:26

Anony Mouse: Jan 30, 2005; A name means nothing on the battlefield. After a week, no one has a name.; Lipstick Apathy

My (26F) fiance (28M) banned my family from our house. Together 5 years.

quote:

Throwaway because some people IRL know my main account.
Basically, my family is difficult. Going into the whole backstory would take hours, but basically it's bad enough that I was NC for about two years and am now LC with everyone. We see each other on holidays and that's about it. This has been a good solution so far. Not perfect, but good.
My fiance has never liked my family, which I understand, he's been my rock through all the bad parts and has trouble seeing them as anything other than "those people who treat my girlfriend like poo poo" (his words).
Things came to a bit of a head on Thanksgiving. We hosted, things didn't go great. There were a lot of snarky remarks from my family, but my fiance encouraged it by snarking back instead of ignoring it. Lots of pressure about the upcoming wedding. The evening ended with my mother crying and storming out because she said something rude about my cooking and my fiance told her that if the turkey wasn't up to her standards she was free to go home and cook her own. Everyone else left shortly after. That night my husband sat me down and told me that he was no longer willing to have my family come to our house, and if I wanted to see them I'd have to do it somewhere else. I was hoping he was just frustrated from the circus that was dinner, and once he calmed down he'd drop it. But he didn't.
This year it's my turn to host Christmas dinner as well. He said that if I wanted to leave to spend Christmas with my family he'd be disappointed but wouldn't stop me, but he wouldn't be visiting them with me and he wouldn't have "that toxic bullshit" in our home ever again.
I understand where he's coming from. I get that my family isn't great, I get that they're hard to be around. And I don't think he's TRYING to be controlling, he's just trying to help, but he doesn't understand that he's really making everything worse. He's always antagonistic when we see them, I've told him a million times that it's better to just let things go instead of rising to their bait and turning one rude comment into a big blowout. He doesn't get that by banning them from the house he's making everything a million times more tense. He's making me feel like a child getting grounded, like he knows everything and I'm just an idiot who can't even decide how to handle her family.
We had a big fight about the issue but he's dug his heels in and is refusing to see my side of things. How do I make him see that he's not actually being helpful, but making things worse?
tl;dr: fiance banned family from our house. refuses to see my side of things.

Trust me lady, your fiancee is doing you a favor. It's hard to :sever:

with your own family because you get acclimatized to their lovely toxic behavior, but if your own fiancee can't stand to be around them then it's probably time to cut them out of your life (again!) or at least reassess their role in your life. Fortunately reddit comments are siding with the fiancee and trying to get her to see the bigger picture.

Anony Mouse fucked around with this message at 22:45 on Dec 5, 2016

# ? Dec 5, 2016 22:39

100 degrees Calcium: Jan 23, 2011

My fiance is a big jerk who won't just bow his head like a whipped dog when my family starts whining and insulting me.

Lady should be glad she's engaged to someone who actually gives a poo poo. She must not read r/relationships.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 22:44

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Anony Mouse posted:

Fortunately reddit comments are siding with the fiancee and trying to get her to see the bigger picture.

Unfortunately, she's doing that awful thing where 90% of the comments all agree her family is terrible and she's found one of the downvoted comments telling her that he is being controlling and agreeing with it.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 22:47

Cacafuego: Jul 22, 2007

WampaLord posted:

I hope everyone understands why I'm griping, but if the thread is overall cool with posting the worst/abusive threads, I'll stop.

More of the worst and less griping

# ? Dec 5, 2016 22:56

SirSamVimes: Jul 21, 2008; ~* Challenge *~

WampaLord posted:

I hope everyone understands why I'm griping, but if the thread is overall cool with posting the worst/abusive threads, I'll stop.

Keep posting both the funny and the awful imo. I want this thread to make me laugh and cry.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 23:02

SirSamVimes: Jul 21, 2008; ~* Challenge *~

Lockback posted:

Pretty sure this perfect girl (22F) is playing me (20M) but she's being so dramatic about it

"This amazing chick isn't in a position where she feels comfortable with a relationship but wants me in her life until she is, how do I get rid of her"

these guys sure are good at relationships

# ? Dec 5, 2016 23:05

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

More of the worst but I also like the lowstakes and adorable:

My [16F] crush's [17M] birthday is tomorrow, I have a gift for him but how do I approach him?

quote:

We've been texting everyday since mid November. We are fairly new friends, mainly because we are both shy people (I am more than he is) and kinda suck at initiating conversation in person. He's only in ONE of my classes, which happens to be gym. Kill me. Anyways, we both agreed that we would get each other gifts for our birthdays. His happens to be tomorrow. (I put his age as 17 in the title bc his birthday is tomorrow so why not. He's not turning 18.) I got his gift on Sunday, and being a very shy person who gets nervous around him, I'm not quite sure how to approach him without everyone being like "ooooooooh" and teasing me. He is a very funny and down to earth guy who I know won't make things awkward. I just don't know if I should just give him the gift and wait for him to open it? Or do I hug him? I just don't want people to look at us like we're together. His locker is almost next to mine, which gives me an advantage.

The problem I have with going to him right when I see him is that his friends (who I am intimidated by) will most likely be right beside him in the morning especially during his birthday which would've been the perfect time I can do it. I know this problem is super miniscule but I get super anxious thinking that I might not find a right time to give it to him. Is there anything I should say or do to make things simple and sweet? I'm just so nervous and I'm not quite sure how to execute this.

Note that the gift I got him is concealed in an envelope (pre-paid card for a game he loves) so it's not gonna grab attention like a gift wrapped in wrapping paper would.

Tl;Dr: my crushes birthday is tomorrow and being the super shy person I am I'm not quite sure how or when to approach him with a gift.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 23:06

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

SirSamVimes posted:

"This amazing chick isn't in a position where she feels comfortable with a relationship but wants me in her life until she is, how do I get rid of her"

these guys sure are good at relationships

Ehh it's pretty frustrating/hurtful being more into someone than they are into you. It can't be doing that guy's mental health any favors for her to dump him and come back saying she loves him every week. I think leaving is the more dignified and higher expected-value thing to do even if there's some chance things will work out if he keeps riding the rollercoaster.

At least I hope so because that's what I did in that position. :ohdear:

It's really hard to see someone, have your brain fire the chemicals that says "that's my partner", and still turn them away so I empathize with his difficulty. Sometimes two people who would make a good couple meet at a bad time and it doesn't happen - I don't think that's too crazy.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS fucked around with this message at 23:11 on Dec 5, 2016

# ? Dec 5, 2016 23:08

SirSamVimes: Jul 21, 2008; ~* Challenge *~

I mean it seems like she just wants him in his life so when she feels comfortable with herself/him for a relationship they can go for it but I could be misinterpreting the situation :shrug:

# ? Dec 5, 2016 23:10

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

SirSamVimes posted:

I mean it seems like she just wants him in his life so when she feels comfortable with herself/him for a relationship they can go for it but I could be misinterpreting the situation

Being rejected feels really awful. This guy is "being rejected" all over again every time they hang out. At some point the immediate pain isn't worth the possibility of a payout.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 23:13

snoo: Jul 5, 2007

100 degrees Calcium posted:

It's so weird to me that there's a mental condition which is just "makes you a jackass, incapable of keeping it together for more than a few months without deeply and unapologetically hurting the people who love you."

I mean that's not exactly what BPD is, and in the case of the woman with the lovely partner leaving her over a table, if he was diagnosed as a teenager it's entirely possible it's not applicable (they're often hesitant to even diagnose BPD before adulthood) and he probably has something worse or a combination of things.

but yes, if you have BPD please get therapy. I don't think there's specific medication for it, so as far as I know you can't simply medicate it away, but it's a process of unlearning lovely behaviors and getting your emotions more regulated, and being conscious of how you act and feel.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 23:18

Drunk Nerds: Jan 25, 2011; Just close your eyes; Fun Shoe

The Snoo posted:

I mean that's not exactly what BPD is, and in the case of the woman with the lovely partner leaving her over a table, if he was diagnosed as a teenager it's entirely possible it's not applicable (they're often hesitant to even diagnose BPD before adulthood) and he probably has something worse or a combination of things.

but yes, if you have BPD please get therapy. I don't think there's specific medication for it, so as far as I know you can't simply medicate it away, but it's a process of unlearning lovely behaviors and getting your emotions more regulated, and being conscious of how you act and feel.

I took that post as sarcasm. Like "I have horrible human being disorder, pity me"

# ? Dec 5, 2016 23:23

YeahTubaMike: Mar 24, 2005; *hic* Gotta finish thish . . .; Doctor Rope

WampaLord posted:

This thread makes me both happy I am single, and loving baffled that some of these wastes of life have managed to hold down relationships for multiple years.

Seriously. :hfive:

# ? Dec 5, 2016 23:25

100 degrees Calcium: Jan 23, 2011

The anecdotes in that subreddit have really redefined my idea of what a horrible human being is. I'm starting to think I'm a good person. :unsmith:

# ? Dec 5, 2016 23:25

SirSamVimes: Jul 21, 2008; ~* Challenge *~

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Being rejected feels really awful. This guy is "being rejected" all over again every time they hang out. At some point the immediate pain isn't worth the possibility of a payout.

I feel like if you're not capable of enjoying someone's company when you're not loving, the relationship probably wouldn't work out

# ? Dec 5, 2016 23:24

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

My father [43m] uses Freudian psychology to explain my depression and I'm [18f] so loving tired. He thinks I have an electra complex.

quote:

Hey, Reddit.

Basically I struggle with depression. I've been dealing with that since I was a little girl and I'm used to it. I take meds, I do therapy, it's all good.

Recently the meds stopped working for some reason. I cried the whole day, I was really upset. I was feeling physically sick. My father came up to me and started talking about Freud again. He said I needed to see a psychoanalyst.

My father LOVES Freud, but I grew up being gaslighted by him. He thinks I'm jealous of my mom and competing for his attention. It makes me cry out of anger and then I'm even more upset because I know he'll use the "women are so emotional" argument.

I dislike Freud and I think electra complex is completely and utter bullshit. I don't want people trying to convince me it's not. gently caress Freud. He said a lot of bullshit. Anyway, my father also thinks I have "penis envy" hence why I'm depressed... because I wish I had a penis. His arguments don't make any loving sense but he's been saying this poo poo since I was 7. I'm so loving done, Reddit.

It makes me really upset because he's invalidating my feelings. Freud was an rear end in a top hat. My father is an rear end in a top hat. I grew up hearing my problems were invalid because I was really just attracted to my own father. What can I do?

tl;dr: my father is a dick who thinks I'm attracted to him

# ? Dec 5, 2016 23:25

SirSamVimes: Jul 21, 2008; ~* Challenge *~

People who still think Freud was right :allears:

# ? Dec 5, 2016 23:26

100 degrees Calcium: Jan 23, 2011

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

My father [43m] uses Freudian psychology to explain my depression and I'm [18f] so loving tired. He thinks I have an electra complex.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 23:28

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

My father [43m] uses Freudian psychology to explain my depression and I'm [18f] so loving tired. He thinks I have an electra complex.

What an ego on that dad.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 23:35

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

"Maybe you're depressed 'cuz you ain't got a bepis :downs:

# ? Dec 5, 2016 23:38

NomChompsky: Sep 17, 2008

Anony Mouse posted:

My (26F) fiance (28M) banned my family from our house. Together 5 years.

Trust me lady, your fiancee is doing you a favor. It's hard to with your own family because you get acclimatized to their lovely toxic behavior, but if your own fiancee can't stand to be around them then it's probably time to cut them out of your life (again!) or at least reassess their role in your life. Fortunately reddit comments are siding with the fiancee and trying to get her to see the bigger picture.

This lady is going to lose her fiance and after she does all she'll have left is her awful family, with no one to blame for this but herself. Amazing.

# ? Dec 5, 2016 23:53

MF_James: May 8, 2008; I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE

Antivehicular posted:

Fake; nobody gets a permanent full-time teaching job right out of college these days

Yeah they do, if you want to teach in the hood.

# ? Dec 6, 2016 00:04

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

My father [43m] uses Freudian psychology to explain my depression and I'm [18f] so loving tired. He thinks I have an electra complex.

I hope she gives her idiot dad a Stone Cold Stunner and drops him at the first opportunity

# ? Dec 6, 2016 00:07

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

100 degrees Calcium posted:

It's so weird to me that there's a mental condition which is just "makes you a jackass, incapable of keeping it together for more than a few months without deeply and unapologetically hurting the people who love you."

There are a lot, they just do it in different ways.

# ? Dec 6, 2016 00:10

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

It seems blindingly obvious to me that a happy 5-year long relationship is worth potentially pissing off your parents for. (Obviously they have no clue what's going on ). Maybe that's something you have to learn by actually losing out on your life partner because you exclusively gently caress them in the car.

I would totes bone a lady at my 'rents place. Hell, my bro does already.

# ? Dec 6, 2016 00:42

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Pvt.Scott posted:

I would totes bone a lady at my 'rents place. Hell, my bro does already.

Yeah I would too - I was trying to tacitly assume that they were against it for religious reasons or something and thus there would be some amount of open defiance - if there's not it's even weirder.

# ? Dec 6, 2016 00:43

Thumbtacks: Apr 3, 2013

Does anyone have a link to the thread(s) a guy made about wanting his relationship to be open? His girlfriend was against the idea but did it because she wanted him to be happy and he ended up not being able to bang anyone and she's out banging a different guy every night and he was asking for advice on how to un-open the relationship because he's worried she'll leave him or something. It was a great thread.

# ? Dec 6, 2016 00:43

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Thumbtacks posted:

Does anyone have a link to the thread(s) a guy made about wanting his relationship to be open? His girlfriend was against the idea but did it because she wanted him to be happy and he ended up not being able to bang anyone and she's out banging a different guy every night and he was asking for advice on how to un-open the relationship because he's worried she'll leave him or something. It was a great thread.

That's all of them.

# ? Dec 6, 2016 00:43

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Gaunab posted:

What an ego on that dad.

He is that guy who thinks that literally all women are attracted to him. Not coincidentally, he is also the guy who convinces his wife to have an open relationship because he thinks he's going to get tons of Boise and that she is going to stay at home and do his dishes

# ? Dec 6, 2016 00:52

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

^ pussy

# ? Dec 6, 2016 00:53

Cacafuego: Jul 22, 2007

Pick posted:

he thinks he's going to get tons of Boise and that she is going to stay at home and do his dishes

Is that a new phrase the kids are using these days?

# ? Dec 6, 2016 00:55

Mr. Meagles: Apr 30, 2004; Out here, everything hurts

Anony Mouse posted:

My (26F) fiance (28M) banned my family from our house. Together 5 years.

This guy rules and is Pete 2.0

The lady is a doormat and I hope he doesn't cave

# ? Dec 6, 2016 00:57

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

SirSamVimes posted:

I mean it seems like she just wants him in his life so when she feels comfortable with herself/him for a relationship they can go for it but I could be misinterpreting the situation

Sorry but this is very wrong in my opinion. This girl is using him as an emotional tampon. She loves the fact that he is so into her and she uses it to to get sympathy and bolster self-esteem.

There are really only two correct answers to what he can do, and one is kind of close to what you are suggesting.

1) Tell the girl that you understand she is going through some poo poo and that if she just wants to be friends that's fine. But no more coming over whenever you feel like crying telling him that he's the perfect guy for her but she's too broken to make it work. That's not what friends do. Friends do fun things together and support each other and make each other's lives better and more livable. Not... whatever the gently caress is happening there. Most likely, she will not be able to live up to the requirements.

2) Tell her to leave and not come back. She is damaging his emotional well-being and using it for some obscure purpose of her own. She may very wall have problems and baggage, but if it's not something he can help her with then it's something she needs to work through on her own. This rollercoaster poo poo is just hurting him and preventing him from leaving the relationship in the past where it almost definitely belongs.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Yeah I would too - I was trying to tacitly assume that they were against it for religious reasons or something and thus there would be some amount of open defiance - if there's not it's even weirder.

I was a latch-key kid and my parents never gave a wet fart. Nevertheless I did do a lot of sexing in the back of my 96 Maxima (I would actually park in a random place and cover up the car with this thick felt cover, gently caress it would get obscenely hot in there and make for some very sweaty, slightly shameful sex). There was one pretty amusing incident wherein I had the girl sneaking out through my bedroom window in the early morning, mom came out the front door going to work, they're just right face to face. My mom maintained her composure admirably and just greeted the girl in a friendly manner and continued on to her car. The girl was mortified and we pretty much never spoke again, but she really wasn't that cool in any case.

Final thought, yeah gently caress Freud and his bullshit. I can't believe that any part of it is still taught under the auspice of "psychology".

Until I heard that story, I knew Freud was poo poo pseudoscience but I don't think I ever realized the extent of its patronizing egotism and really quite ridiculous misogyny.

Play fucked around with this message at 01:01 on Dec 6, 2016

# ? Dec 6, 2016 00:58