/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Lets Pickle: Jul 9, 2007

DrManiac posted:

What I don't get about picky eaters is why they can't just suck it up and eat a bit. It's like having a friend who makes bad food but not bad enough that it's socially acceptable to dunk on them.

Imagine the nastiest food you can think of. Imagine if your friends wanted to go out to eat casu marzu, or balut, or lutefisk, or any of the other stereotypical gross foods. That must be what it's like to be a picky eater.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 06:02

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# ? May 25, 2024 20:33

ziasquinn: Jan 1, 2006; Fallen Rib

Nuebot posted:

Please don't doxx me.

Seriously though, I'm not this bad at all and will try basically anything but there's so many foods I literally can not keep down and I have no idea why and feel guilty every time I can't manage to enjoy something that looks and smells delicious. Something as simple as Coffee is on this list.

While the little brother sounds like an rear end in a top hat, "how do I rat him out to mom?" made me laugh. Just tell him to keep his stupid hands off stuff that isn't his.

He won't have it in his house?? Dude is 16. :sad:

She should've loving laughed in his face.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 06:04

Troposphere: Jul 11, 2005; psycho killer
qu'est-ce que c'est?

Lets Pickle posted:

Imagine the nastiest food you can think of. Imagine if your friends wanted to go out to eat casu marzu, or balut, or lutefisk, or any of the other stereotypical gross foods. That must be what it's like to be a picky eater.

that's a mental condition being a picky eater is just being a goddamn baby

# ? Dec 19, 2016 06:12

underage at the vape shop: May 11, 2011; by Cyrano4747

DrManiac posted:

What I don't get about picky eaters is why they can't just suck it up and eat a bit. It's like having a friend who makes bad food but not bad enough that it's socially acceptable to dunk on them.

I'm only picky in the sense that there isn't much I actually like, most things are just ok. Imagine eating rice all the time. For proper picky eaters, it's like being asked to eat surstromming when handed a plate of some good decent food that isn't chicken tendies and chips. Its basically mental illness.

underage at the vape shop fucked around with this message at 06:15 on Dec 19, 2016

# ? Dec 19, 2016 06:13

Troposphere: Jul 11, 2005; psycho killer
qu'est-ce que c'est?

Pick posted:

haha took me a sec, autistic ex roommate

i was like, oh did she stop watching rooster teeth?

lol she was obsessed with rooster teeth and cried when the guy who made the lovely fake anime died and got mad at me that I wasn't equally torn up about it

# ? Dec 19, 2016 06:50

Moon Atari: Dec 26, 2010

I have a client who insists on only eating prawns and pickled onions, mashed together and microwaved. She omits a strange odour at all times.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 06:52

Tears In A Vial: Jan 13, 2008

quote:

that's a mental condition being a picky eater is just being a goddamn baby

A picky eater not wanting to eat something, isn't the same as a 'normal' person just not liking [X]. There's a huge psychological barrier there. Being a picky eater is a mental condition.

That said, as a former picky eater I have very little sympathy. As soon as I hit like eighteen or whatever and realised that it was going to have a huge impact on my social life since I was working, earning money and going out a lot more, I sucked it up and got over it. It took a while, and even now in my thirties there are a couple of relatively common things I still haven't eaten, but I'm an adventurous eater and I love trying new foods.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 06:57

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Troposphere posted:

lol she was obsessed with rooster teeth and cried when the guy who made the lovely fake anime died and got mad at me that I wasn't equally torn up about it

*nods sagely* my retention of detail is a blessing and a curse

# ? Dec 19, 2016 07:18

Troposphere: Jul 11, 2005; psycho killer
qu'est-ce que c'est?

Tears In A Vial posted:

A picky eater not wanting to eat something, isn't the same as a 'normal' person just not liking [X]. There's a huge psychological barrier there. Being a picky eater is a mental condition.

That said, as a former picky eater I have very little sympathy. As soon as I hit like eighteen or whatever and realised that it was going to have a huge impact on my social life since I was working, earning money and going out a lot more, I sucked it up and got over it. It took a while, and even now in my thirties there are a couple of relatively common things I still haven't eaten, but I'm an adventurous eater and I love trying new foods.

that's avoidant food intake disorder and it isn't picky eating and it does not sound like you had it dude

# ? Dec 19, 2016 07:26

Tears In A Vial: Jan 13, 2008

Picky Eater isn't a medical term, it's what people say because they don't know what selective eating disorders are. A bunch of these Picky Eaters on reddit and SA, and myself included have/had a selective eating disorder. They don't have to be permanent.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 07:34

Mr. Meagles: Apr 30, 2004; Out here, everything hurts

I've eaten nothing but cheesy potatoes for over 20 years and if I eat anything else I'm positive that I will literally die

I saw a tomato once and had to call an ambulance

# ? Dec 19, 2016 07:38

Streak: May 16, 2004; by Nyc_Tattoo

Me [17 M] with my girlfriend[17F], her aunt got her concert tickets today for a very expensive band that I had already bought tickets for her to go and was planning to surprise her on Christmas

quote:

We've been together for 8 months and music is a really big part of our lives. We have really similar music tastes and we can talk hours upon hours about music. One of our favorite bands is coming near here in March and the tickets are upwards of ~100$ now each. I bought 2 tickets to plan to surprise her on Christmas, and it would be our first concert together. Today her aunt visited her and suprised her with three tickets to the concert, 1 for the aunt and 1 for my girlfriend and her twin. Of course it's a girls night out situation.
I am absolutely crushed. I'm clearly not invited and I shouldn't ask to come because her aunt did not plan that. How can I come off as clean as possible and tell her I wanted to go together with her. How should I handle this situation
tl;dr bought tickets for a concert to surprise my girlfriend, her aunt bought tickets instead for her and they plan to go without me.

why does he even need to ask anyone what to do just tell her you bought tickets too god drat

# ? Dec 19, 2016 07:52

Streak: May 16, 2004; by Nyc_Tattoo

Me [25 F] with my boyfriend [26 M] of six years, suggested having an open relationship, and I don't know what to think about it.

quote:

My boyfriend is a diehard reddit user and knows my main, so I am using a throwaway account to write this.

So a few days again, my boyfriend called me and said that we needed to talk when I got home from a trip (which is also in a few days). I am a freelance translator, so my job requires me to leave home for days, sometimes weeks at a time, so I was out on a long term contract trip when this came-up.

I was due back home in a few days when he said that when I got home there was something we needed to discuss. I couldn't bother to wait that long, so we discussed it over the phone. He asked me my thoughts on open relationships. I told him I have no problem with open relationships in general, meaning I don't care if other people do them, but it's not something I could see myself doing.

Some background information on my boyfriend and I. We are both each other's first serious relationship, and both each other's first sexually. We get along great. No abuse, same hobbies, great discussions, we're involved in each other's families, both supportive, we hold many of the same views on most subjects (including children, which is wonderful because I want to be a foster parent), but I think you get the picture. I trust him a lot, as I've never caught him in a lie or had reason to believe he ever was.

The problem is, and the reason why he suggested the open relationship in the first place, is that he wonders what dating/sex would be like with other girls. I was floored by this. He's more sexually open than I am, in general, and always wants to try things, but I am not always on board. Essentially, he has more fantasies than I do. As long as I get off, I don't care too much about the bells and whistles around it. I try to be more sexually open for him, and I am willing to try harder, but I don't know if it would be enough and I don't know where my limits are. He also said he would only do it when I'm not home so I wouldn't have to see it, and that it wouldn't be an ongoing thing, he just wants to satisfy his curiosity. He said he wouldn't mind if I did the same thing, or if we decided together to bring others home for threesome one-night stand type situations.
I have little interest in other men (and certainly not women), which is another reason I'm not to open to it. I've been approached by people before, but I've always turned them away. Sure, I can think a guy is hot, but it doesn't mean I want to bang them.

My boyfriend wonders if he's missing out on something. He says that he loves me, and we have been planning for marriage. He says if this open relationship thing were to happen it would be purely sexual, not emotional. He says he's not doing it to find love. I want to believe him, but I KNOW he's an emotional person in the first place. Again, he says he wouldn't mind if I went out to find other guys, but that has problems too. 1. I have no interest in fooling around with other guys. 2. Even if I WAS, I'm nowhere near as good looking as my boyfriend. He's a bartender, and he has women asking him out all the time. I just feel like I would be sitting at home/working while he's out doing whatever.

It's not only the open relationship discussion that's bothering me but also what else came up during this discussion. He told me that a girl flirted with him at work, and he's usually friendly, but this was the first time he actively flirted back. It didn't lead to anything, but it happened and it sparked his curiosity about dating/sex with others again. He was sorry and had the following explanation for his actions.

He said he was feeling lonely because I was gone for a long time. Throughout our relationship, I have ever been gone maybe every other month because of work, but usually not more than 1-2 weeks if that. What makes this situation unique is that I took a year-long trip to South Korea to teach English. It's something I always wanted to do, and we both agreed I should go. While I was gone, we at least texted every day, called each other 2-3 times a week, and had skype calls. I didn't notice anything suspicious in his behavior while I was in South Korea, and I even came home once for a holiday. Because I was gone so long, and I know he's an emotional person that needs to feel love often, I feel like it's my fault because my absence may have caused him to do what he did.

He says if I don't want an open relationship, then we don't have to and he hopes this doesn't ruin our future. I just feel like this will come up again, and I don't know how to deal with it. This isn't the first time he's asked, but last time he asked had to be like in the second year that we were dating. So my question is should I just let him satisfy his curiosity by opening the relationship, or stick to my guns because the idea makes me uncomfortable?

tl;dr: I have been away for a year on a business trip, and my boyfriend asked if it would be okay to have an open relationship because he was curious about sex with other women since we were each other's first and only. I'm not fond of the idea, but I understand where he's coming from. What answer should I give him?

Edit: Thanks for all the advice everyone! I'm going to keep reading replies, and post my own replies to them, but Imma head off to sleep now. Reading this section of reddit plus the situation has kept me up into unholy hours.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 07:58

Doc Hawkins: Jun 15, 2010; Dashing? But I'm not even moving!

Lets Pickle posted:

Imagine the nastiest food you can think of. Imagine if your friends wanted to go out to eat casu marzu, or balut, or lutefisk, or any of the other stereotypical gross foods. That must be what it's like to be a picky eater.

If they, and indeed all of society around me, ate these things all the time, then it's hard to even imagine seeing it as nasty. Wouldn't I think it was normal? That I just had to accept it? That it must be worth trying?

Being unable to normalize a common food sounds a bit like certain vegans. "Don't you understand? Meat is corpses! MILK IS PUS!!!" But even they had to find a group that presents and reinforces a different idea of which foods are normal and which are gross. How could you do it totally independently?

Someone ITT said they have an unusually large numbers of food that make them feel sick, to the point of vomiting. Okay, that's one way.

Another way that I've seen personally is growing up without any exposure to some class(es) of food, and thus thinking they don't look edible.

But these stories are of putatively healthy adults who think it's somehow not shameful to retain the palate of a six year old. They act like it's a moral victory when they refuse to eat a gyro. That's the part that's almost beyond my comprehension.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 08:16

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

Streak posted:

Me [25 F] with my boyfriend [26 M] of six years, suggested having an open relationship, and I don't know what to think about it.

"Open relationships" as a concept is pretty much the dumbest thing to enter the relationship zeitgeist recently imo. Like just call it sleeping around like people have been for decades, don't wrap it it formality and funny terms and trendy social expectations.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 08:20

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Because they believe that being good is being lovely, but with effective branding.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 08:27

treiz01: Jan 2, 2008; There is little that makes me happier than taking drugs. Perhaps administering them, designing and carrying out experiments that bend the plane of what we consider reality.

Charles Get-Out posted:

"Open relationships" as a concept is pretty much the dumbest thing to enter the relationship zeitgeist recently imo. Like just call it sleeping around like people have been for decades, don't wrap it it formality and funny terms and trendy social expectations.

I interpret the boyfriends actions to mean he already has a side piece and wants to legitimize it.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 08:28

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

treiz01 posted:

I interpret the boyfriends actions to mean he already has a side piece and wants to legitimize it.

Nah she gives his reasoning. He had some one flirt with him and now wants to use the opportunity.

This is how all these stories begin.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 08:40

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

I actually know of one open relationship that worked out. But there were a few elements that differ from the standard template.

-this was during undergrad and it was an LDR, he in Australia and she in the US, with the intention of being together physically after graduation.

-the relationship was only open while they were apart, and it immediately closed when she moved to Australia as well as any time they visited during those four years.

They're quite happily married now, but I'd wager the main thing was that there was a clear expiration date on that, and both of them were committed to only supplementing physical needs through the open relationship.

Still would not advise though.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 10:18

DOMDOM: Apr 28, 2007; Fun Shoe

Gave a winning lottery ticket as a Christmas gift, my wife [39/F] is beyond upset.

quote:

Christmas gathering yesterday with my extended family - aunts, uncles, cousins. We do a small gift exchange, and about a decade ago I started handing out scratch off lottery tickets. Everybody seems to enjoy it, and everyone gets excited when someone wins a couple of bucks or a free ticket. And up until now, that's all anyone ever won.

So I hand out the lottery tickets yesterday. Turns out the ticket I gave one of my cousins was a winner - he hit the max prize of $50k. The whole party erupted. I jumped up and hugged him, out of my mind psyched at the idea that I just gave this dude the best Christmas present he's ever gotten. While everyone was cheering and patting him on the back, I noticed my wife very quickly left the room.

When she came back, she loudly announced that my cousin didn't need to worry - even though that was our ticket, we were still going to split the prize money with him. I could tell she was dead serious, but tried to play it off like she was joking. She doubled down and said she wasn't joking, that she didn't mind sharing, but that certainly was not his ticket. That took the air out of the room pretty quick.

After an awkward meal, we left and my wife immediately jumped on me in the car. How dare I just casually give away that money, how dare I try to make it sound like she was joking. You don't just give someone that kind of money. That ticket is ours, and I better claim the lion's share of the payout.

I thought hopefully a night's sleep would calm her down, but unfortunately no. She is now insisting I call up my cousin and go reclaim the ticket. She was pretty rude ( I thought) about it, so I told her to go pound sand. She is calling me irresponsible and saying that no one in their right minds gives away that kind of money. I'm trying to tell her I didn't give away anything, it's not like that money is coming out of our account, and that's part of the risk of lottery tickets - you never know. Besides, she never had a problem when I was handing out losing lottery tickets.

Some background - we're doing well financially. I make a good income and she doesn't work. It's not like we're strapped for cash. My cousin that won the ticket is 23, just graduated from college and is trying to scratch some money together to buy a ring to propose to his girlfriend and start his life.

So, does my wife have a valid point? If not how do I get her over this?

TLDR: Gave my cousin a scratch off lottery ticket as a gift that hit the jackpot. My wife wants me to take the ticket back and claim the money.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 11:55

well why not: Feb 10, 2009

quote:

I make a good income and she doesn't work.

I personally would throw away many of my interpersonal relationships for 25k that I don't really need.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 11:57

ZombieJesus: Feb 26, 2005; He died for your sins, he rose for your BRAINS

Ugh can we not get into the open relationship derail chat again? It's so tedious. We don't go off on tangents saying monogamy is broken every time we get a story here saying that a monogamous relationship has crashed and burned.

full disclosure: my partner and I have been in an open, poly relationship for four years, and we live together and have a great and healthy relationship.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 12:12

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

Food Chat: My father-in-law is a picky eater and basically only eats boiled potatoes, white fish, and whey powder. Everything has minimal flavor, only salt, no pepper.

When my partner takes her mother out for lunch or dinner she often throws up in the bathroom because of the amount of flavor in her food. She doesn't want to make two meals so she's just gotten used to his preferences, it's very weird.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 12:12

Pretty good: Apr 16, 2007

ZombieJesus posted:

Ugh can we not get into the open relationship derail chat again? It's so tedious. We don't go off on tangents saying monogamy is broken every time we get a story here saying that a monogamous relationship has crashed and burned.

full disclosure: my partner and I have been in an open, poly relationship for four years, and we live together and have a great and healthy relationship.

Look at you. Look at this. Look at you.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 12:15

Dave Stieb: Apr 15, 2010

ZombieJesus posted:

we live together and have a great and healthy relationship.

lmao

# ? Dec 19, 2016 12:22

Pretty good: Apr 16, 2007

SWeet zombie raptor Jesus Christ

# ? Dec 19, 2016 12:24

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

quote:

So, does my wife have a valid point? If not how do I get her over this?

Hell no she doesn't have a valid point. She's a delusional money grubbing shithead.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 12:32

underage at the vape shop: May 11, 2011; by Cyrano4747

ZombieJesus posted:

Ugh can we not get into the open relationship derail chat again? It's so tedious. We don't go off on tangents saying monogamy is broken every time we get a story here saying that a monogamous relationship has crashed and burned.

full disclosure: my partner and I have been in an open, poly relationship for four years, and we live together and have a great and healthy relationship.

You're the 1%

# ? Dec 19, 2016 12:33

snoo: Jul 5, 2007

I have a friend who is a lesbian and was in a relationship for like 7 years with her now-ex-fiancee. they broke up because her fiancee cheated on her and then tried to turn it into an open relationship/poly thing and of course my friend was like '????? no??????'. she's dealt with a lot of violent trauma in her past, bad relationships and sexual abuse, and this made things even worse because they were one of the few people she was able to confide in, and was a big part of her life since the trauma. she attempted suicide again this past september.

but she feels guilty for not being 'radical' enough for poly poo poo and I'm like, look, your partner tried to force you into a situation and a relationship dynamic you didn't want, one they should KNOW you're not comfortable with, and they tried to turn their cheating into something else, you're not the bad person here. but their ex-fiancee and the person they cheated with make her feel like she's awful for not wanting to be in that kind of relationship.

anyway I feel bad for people in their 20s feeling like they need to stay in relationships where their partner wants to 'open' it up and they don't. gently caress that.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 12:41

ZombieJesus: Feb 26, 2005; He died for your sins, he rose for your BRAINS

tactlessbastard posted:

Hell no she doesn't have a valid point. She's a delusional money grubbing shithead.

Yeah gently caress that lady, I'd be so pissed off if someone in my family started acting like that. Especially since the husband said they don't need the money, and the kid that won is a student probably with tons of student debt. Could on one hand literally change the cousin's life forever, or make the wife's life mildly better, and at the risk of alienating the entire family. What a dick

# ? Dec 19, 2016 12:41

ZombieJesus: Feb 26, 2005; He died for your sins, he rose for your BRAINS

The Snoo posted:

I have a friend who is a lesbian and was in a relationship for like 7 years with her now-ex-fiancee. they broke up because her fiancee cheated on her and then tried to turn it into an open relationship/poly thing and of course my friend was like '????? no??????'. she's dealt with a lot of violent trauma in her past, bad relationships and sexual abuse, and this made things even worse because they were one of the few people she was able to confide in, and was a big part of her life since the trauma. she attempted suicide again this past september.

but she feels guilty for not being 'radical' enough for poly poo poo and I'm like, look, your partner tried to force you into a situation and a relationship dynamic you didn't want, one they should KNOW you're not comfortable with, and they tried to turn their cheating into something else, you're not the bad person here. but their ex-fiancee and the person they cheated with make her feel like she's awful for not wanting to be in that kind of relationship.

anyway I feel bad for people in their 20s feeling like they need to stay in relationships where their partner wants to 'open' it up and they don't. gently caress that.

That's the thing, none of these reddit examples are actually poly relationships, they're dickheads that are trying to justify cheating. No such thing as poly without consent.

And opening up relationships that didn't start out non-monogamous is hard, I only know a few examples of it working. People that see themselves as poly or want an open relationship have to just grow the balls to do it from the beginning, and risk alienating/losing relationships early on.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 12:45

military cervix: Dec 24, 2006; Hey guys

quote:

My (23f) LD boyfriend (31m) of 1 year who I'd never met in real life surprised me Friday night by showing up at my door. I have very strong feelings for him but his actions freaked me out. What do I do?

So I actually met "ryan" on Reddit about 2 years ago on a sub of a common interest. PMs turned into emails, those turned into phone calls which led to skype. I fell hard for him because he's such a great guy. I had no interest in dating other guys and was only too happy to be "exclusive" with him despite me living in California and he in Mississippi. We will talk and have dates on skype and it was really great.

We had agreed to meet this coming summer in "neutral" city and I was very content with this. I was very clear that I'd been burnt by online relationships before and did not want to be surprised. This hurt him as we wants to move away from Mississippi and always hints about moving in with me which I'm not cool with. This is the major source of friction between us.

So it surprised the ever living crap out of me when he showed up at my door on Friday afternoon (weve mailed stuff so he knows my address). I was not happy with him and even then he expected to stay at my place and clearly thought we'd move immediately to sex. As strong as I feel about him I did not want him in my apartment so I offered to drive him to get something to eat and help him pick out a hotel.On the way to restaurant we started fighting about me not wanting to "gently caress his brains out" (his words--he's a virgin and definitely has some "odd" views on the woman's part in sex). We sat silent at Chilis and in the car he got so mad that he punched my dash and actually cracked it (I have a lovely car).

I dropped him off at a hotel and didn't say a word. An hour later he skyped me and everything was fine again. We basically had a standard us weekend even though he was 25 miles away, not 2000.

He left for LAX A few hours ago and took an Uber. I did not see him in person again this weekend.

So as much a I care for him I'm weirded out that he showed up, weirded out by his expectations for sex and even more freaked out by him getting physically violent.

Is this "never speak to him again" territory?
tl;dr: online, LD boyfriend showed up unannounced at my door, wanted sex and freaked out on me. Everything was fine after he went to hotel and we were back to talking on Skype. But did he show me that I should never speak to him again?

Sounds like a good guy!

# ? Dec 19, 2016 12:45

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

military cervix posted:

Sounds like a good guy!

sounds like a catch, yeah.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 12:49

snoo: Jul 5, 2007

ZombieJesus posted:

That's the thing, none of these reddit examples are actually poly relationships, they're dickheads that are trying to justify cheating. No such thing as poly without consent.

And opening up relationships that didn't start out non-monogamous is hard, I only know a few examples of it working. People that see themselves as poly or want an open relationship have to just grow the balls to do it from the beginning, and risk alienating/losing relationships early on.

yeah, it seems like a really big thing you need to bring up early on if it's something you're serious about, as opposed to 'I wanna sleep around with no guilt or consequences' under the guise of ~radical progressiveness~ 6 years into a relationship. :smith:

# ? Dec 19, 2016 12:49

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Streak posted:

Me [25 F] with my boyfriend [26 M] of six years, suggested having an open relationship, and I don't know what to think about it.

Jesus H Christ it doesn't matter if this was a throwaway, her boyfriends gonna know if he sees because she told her drat life story

DOMDOM posted:

Gave a winning lottery ticket as a Christmas gift, my wife [39/F] is beyond upset.

Much like deaths in the family like mentioned earlier, money also does weird loving things to people.

ZombieJesus posted:

Ugh can we not get into the open relationship derail chat again? It's so tedious. We don't go off on tangents saying monogamy is broken every time we get a story here saying that a monogamous relationship has crashed and burned.

full disclosure: my partner and I have been in an open, poly relationship for four years, and we live together and have a great and healthy relationship.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 12:50

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

ZombieJesus posted:

Ugh can we not get into the open relationship derail chat again? It's so tedious. We don't go off on tangents saying monogamy is broken every time we get a story here saying that a monogamous relationship has crashed and burned.

full disclosure: my partner and I have been in an open, poly relationship for four years, and we live together and have a great and healthy relationship.

lol

# ? Dec 19, 2016 12:50

Doc Hawkins: Jun 15, 2010; Dashing? But I'm not even moving!

Most relationships end in tears, so I don't know how significant it is that most open relationships do so as well. Ditto "most relationships which become the subject of an r/relationships thread."

But my perspective is probably skewed by having lived in and around San Francisco.

eta: of course cheaters will gladly grab and use any excuses they find in their culture, which nowadays includes poly stuff

Doc Hawkins fucked around with this message at 12:57 on Dec 19, 2016

# ? Dec 19, 2016 12:53

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

I am tired of my boyfriend [27 M] of 2 years tormenting me [22 F] about my sexual history

quote:

I started college when I was 15 , and I wasn't the most confident person. I didn't really have any views about sex and chastity for myself. This may have been because I was sexually ab***d by multiple people growing up and how I grew up in a Christian home but I didn't identify and questioned all Christian values . In addition, I didn't feel like I was desired by boys as much as I felt I deserved. I didn't even have a prom date and every girl at school had a prom date. I asked 3 guys and they all said no.

At college, I had sex with multiple guys. In fact ,from the first guy I had lost my virginity to I had already gained a bad reputation because he was in a relationship unknown to me and word got around. So you can say I was labelled a slut by then. And I believe that maybe by some self-fulfilling prophecy I became one. In my entire college I had sex with 9 people and after college I had sex with 6 more people before I started dating my boyfriend. My sexual habits have been kind of cyclic. I have gone through celibacy for a year and some change and a period after college when I had sex with 5 guys in two weeks after trying to embrace my sluttiness. I didn't enjoy either of those. I never really had an idea of how I wanted my sex life to be, so I by default I had to do some discovery by experience. But now I know that I am more into having sex in a committed relationship than having casual sex.

I am 22 and I have had sex with 16 guys including my current boyfriend. My boyfriend has had sex with 4 girls. And he constantly torments me about it. It's not like his against casual sex or very selective because he has had sex with a prostitute and girls he wasn't in a committed relationship with. Before he knew my number he had previously said the most sexual partners he would want his future wife to have is 4. After he found out about my number, he told me he accepts me and he loves me and its not important to him .But in reality, it feels different , most days he talks about my sexual history negatively, I don't expect him to think about it positively because I don't but I don't enjoy how he is so indulged in it when I just want to move past it. I am reminded of it at minimum every three days. I really hate thinking about it a lot especially the period during college because I felt like I was na�ve and taken advantage of.

I think I have paid the price for my past sexual activity , I have lost friends, felt like an outcast, been bullied, I have been paranoid about what people think, I have been depressed about how people treated me, I have been scared about approaching people because of my paranoia and I am a lot more reserved and shy now etc He consistently talks about my reputation and discourages me from interacting with people that may know about my sexual history. For example, he may say I shouldn't like a guys picture if he was friends with people I went to college with. If I knew I would be criticized this much I most likely would have kept my number a lot lower. I really didn't know better . I can't change what happened and I want to be happy in my relationship, and I am at the point where I want to be so consumed with thoughts of other things that are more valuable , how do I move on from here.

--- tl;dr:

Boyfriend can't seem to not talk negatively about my past, consistently. I acknowledge it wasn't so great and I want it to stop.

Space Kablooey fucked around with this message at 13:00 on Dec 19, 2016

# ? Dec 19, 2016 12:57

Doc Hawkins: Jun 15, 2010; Dashing? But I'm not even moving!

HardDiskD posted:

I am tired of my boyfriend [27 M] of 2 years tormenting me [22 F] about my sexual history

You'd think it'd be tough to make an abuse victim's trauma All About You, but he found a way.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 12:59

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 25, 2024 20:33

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

Me [25F] with my boyfriend [27M] 1,5 year, My boyfriend brought home female strangers for a "morning" party - Am I wrong to feel hurt and disrespected?

quote:

Ok so here's the deal. Last night my boyfriend (M27) through 1,5 year went to a christmas dinner with friends, all of whom I've (F25) met so ofcourse no worries here. Before he left home he told me that he would give me a call as soon as they left dinner so I could meet up with them for a night out, which I really looked forward to. 14 hours go by and I hear nothing from him. I try to call his phone at 7 in the morning but no answer. A minute later he texts me "Hey babe, where are you". I then call him up again, and again no answer.

One thing is that he doesn't care to hit me up as he promised and I hear nothing from him for 14 hours. - But this is where I start to really get a bad feeling, since it's not like him at all not to answer my call, especially when I know he's right by his phone and he just texted me a second ago.. Another hour goes by (he thinks I'm out with my girls and doesn't know at this point that I'm staying at his place still) At 8am in the morning the front door opens and he stumbles in - behind him is 4 girls and 1 guy that I have never seen before, whom are not friends nor acquaintances of his. And this is where my heart skipped.. He brought home a group of female strangers at 8 in the morning that he obviously picked up from town while out drinking, and he completely "forgot" to invite me to join as he promised. He never usually does poo poo like that.

It felt like a knife to my stomach when I saw these girls st7anding in front of me while I was half naked sleeping on the couch. My first reaction was to yell at him asking "Are you seriously bringing home female strangers?" to which he just repsponds "yeah" (He was obviously completely drunk). I felt so stupid and humiliated and could not believe what was going on. I broke down in tears right there asking him how he could bring girls back to his home like that when he is in a committed relationship. The girls staring at me all seemed surprised about the whole situation and I heard one say "poo poo I feel bad for her. We should probably leave". So they took off, and there my boyfriend stood acting all stupid as he had done nothing wrong, telling me that Im thinking the worst of him - as if it's complete normal to bring back female strangers to your home at poo poo o'clock in the morning when you have a girlfriend whom he also claims to love and respect.. I feel so humiliated and I can't see how such an act is okay.

I asked him how he would feel if i brought home male strangers after a 14 hour night out of drinking and partying to which he said "Ofcourse I wouldn't like it, it would make me mad". Yet he just sat there telling me that I'm wrong for thinking the worst of him, that it wasn't like he was going to gently caress them.. He showed me absolutely no remorse nor guilt about the situation.

I can't help but hate him for doing this disrespectful act to me and I can't stop wondering what would have happened if I hadn't coincidentally been there. Am I overreacting here or can someone please tell me wth I am to do with this? (pardon my language) I know no other people in a committed relationship who has the need to or would ever go partying for 14 hours straight and then taking random girls back to their place.. I just can't believe that this is something to do when in a relationship or what did I miss here? I don't know what to do or what to think of him anymore. This really had me shocked!

*sorry for the complicated post. I'm just going a little out of my mind here.

tl;dr: What should I do?!

# ? Dec 19, 2016 13:00

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