/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Subjunctive: Sep 12, 2006; ✨sparkle and shine✨

Using a colleague as a counsellor or therapist is a bad idea.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 18:46

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# ? May 26, 2024 11:39

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Oh, also the woman dating a serial rapist, should not date a serial rapist any more!!

# ? Dec 19, 2016 18:56

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

The drunk rapey guy has got a lot of penance to do for his poo poo, and dumping his old life and just forgetting it happened isn't what that looks like.

If he is drinking again, he needs to double down and get on anti-alcohol meds at this point, because he's clearly a danger while inebriated and can't be trusted not to drink. AA or some sort of other extended group therapy gig with accountability buddies is a must.

Apologizing by letter would probably be best once he gets his poo poo in order, along with offers to make amends. At no point should he put responsibility for his actions on anything other than his poor choices and lovely behavior. Never ask for forgiveness, cause you aren't going to get it and you'll just cause hurt in this case. If one of the women presses charges, take your fuckin lumps.

I believe people can get better, but I don't have any sympathy for this guy.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 18:58

DOMDOM: Apr 28, 2007; Fun Shoe

How could that other guy think he can just sever from his wife and 4 kids by kicking them out of "his house?"

I would love to be a fly on the wall when they go in front of the judge.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 19:23

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

DOMDOM posted:

How could that other guy think he can just sever from his wife and 4 kids by kicking them out of "his house?"

I would love to be a fly on the wall when they go in front of the judge.

I hope he's a sovereign citizen, should be extra hilarious.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 19:24

ikanreed: Sep 25, 2009; I honestly I have no idea who cannibal[SIC] is and I do not know why I should know.

syq dude, just syq!

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

You don't understand. They've evolved past the archaic social construct of jealousy. One step loser to shedding their corporeal form entirely and becoming beings of pure energy.

It was the dawn of the third wedding of mankind. It's goal: to prevent another divorce by creating a place where one person could be cucked freely. It was a home for redditors, low self esteem, and misread signals by coworkers.
It can be a dangerous place, but it was our last, best hope for love. The year is 2016, the name of the place is open relationship 5.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 19:38

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

DOMDOM posted:

How could that other guy think he can just sever from his wife and 4 kids by kicking them out of "his house?"

I would love to be a fly on the wall when they go in front of the judge.

People bluff. Many people are not legal eagles, and can get tricked into being in terrible situations.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 19:41

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

I [28/f] can't tell if BF [29/m] is abusive or just "a yeller"

quote:

My [28/f] boyfriend [29/m] of just over a year and I moved in together and were moving toward a future together. I really love him and know he is a good-hearted person, but recent actions are making me think he can't handle a relationship or we're just horribly suited to each other � or, worse case scenario, he's potentially abusive.

First, he blacked out at his company Christmas party and disappeared in a bathroom with a female coworker. I followed them and found them both in a stall. I confronted them and he eventually admitted they were kissing.

He explained he doesn't remember a thing from that night and that he wouldn't want to jeopardize what we have and will never do it again. I was willing to give him a second chance, even though in his drunken state, he told me he cheated because she made him feel "sexy" which was really demeaning because I tell him he's sexy every day. The next day, he was shocked at his behavior and had no idea why he had hooked up with this girl because he has no interest in her whatsoever. I believe him that this is not something he's ever done before or will ever do again, but I find it frustrating that he just wants to chalk it up to drunken actions instead of something that sprung from insecurity or dissatisfaction with himself or our relationship.

Then, this past weekend, we got in a fight over something stupid in the car. I was definitely being short/rude with him because of resentment from his cheating on me the previous week.

Basically, it came from cultural differences of him saying "you're an idiot" after I got something wrong. I (American) took it as a huge insult and said "you can't talk to me that way," but he said he just meant it like "you're so silly" because that's what it means where he's from in the UK.

Right after we snapped at each other, he said, "let's apologize," and I said okay.

But then I kept trying to explain my point. I was trying to explain to him that it's an insult to me. He repeatedly said "I get it" and he asked me to stop talking about it so we could move on and forget about it, but I kept saying the same thing over and over. After he insisted he "got it" a few times, he flipped out. He screamed at me "SHUT UP! Stop talking about it, I get it!" From then on, he gave me the silent treatment until we got to our destination even though I was trying to get him to resolve the argument.

I would never yell shut up at him. No other guy I've dated has acted like this. I don't think people in love should talk to each other that way. But he seems to think my actions � nitpicking him over this dumb fight � merited that and that I deserved to get yelled at.

The only time I've yelled at him was last week when I found him in the bathroom with his coworker. He is trying to compare the two, saying he yelled at me this weekend because I pushed him to his breaking point. He's mad because I said, "There's no excuse to yell at someone you're dating," and he said, "What about last weekend when you yelled at me?" Obviously I think most people would say these situations are a little different and one merits a bad reaction a little more than the other.

I told him he should have control of his actions and shouldn't resort to yelling, but he says he's only human and he tried to tell me to stop talking about the fight several times and I didn't listen, so what else was he supposed to do? I honestly get what he's saying here, I just wish he could talk to me in a calmer tone. He says that's impossible and I'm living in a fantasy land if I think that's possible.

I'm having trouble understanding his point of view because I'm not a yeller. I know I can be nitpicky, hence why he got mad at me in the first place. But I've told him I am willing to work on this. Meanwhile, this isn't the first time his frustration let him to yell at me. He's done it before, especially when drunk and frustrated about things like money. He doesn't have heart-to-heart conversations with me, he just waits until he hits his boiling point and screams.

I also see his point for why he was so frustrated. It's not the first time I neglected to listen to what he was saying � I really do have a nitpicky streak that leads me to talk down to people and that's exactly what was going on here. I don't want to be that way and am willing to try and change. He says it makes him think I don't "love him for him" and that I want to change him.

Before last week, everything was amazing and we had the best time together. I want to know why this changed. I just don't know what to do. Right now, he's mad that I implied he should apologize for screaming at me. I don't understand how he is angrier with me about this than I was about him cheating on me in front of my face.

I want to repair our relationship because I know he's not a bad person. Am I being too hard on him in asking for an apology? Was he justified in yelling at me, or do I need to run before things get worse?

tl;dr: BF yells at me occasionally (4-6x in past year?) when frustrated and I can't tell if it's a warning sign of abuse. He refuses to acknowledge it's a problem and says he only does it when he's been pushed to the breaking point.

why does she give a gently caress about the yelling so much holy christ :cripes:

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! fucked around with this message at 19:46 on Dec 19, 2016

# ? Dec 19, 2016 19:41

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

I [28/f] can't tell if BF [29/m] is abusive or just "a yeller"
why does she give a gently caress about the yelling so much holy christ

My hot take: they both kinda suck.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 19:47

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

It does seem like men and women tend to cheat for different reasons, but hell it does not make it better to explain it to a woman from your point of view that any woman who makes you feel "sexy" is going to get your dong out.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 19:47

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

ikanreed posted:

It was the dawn of the third wedding of mankind. It's goal: to prevent another divorce by creating a place where one person could be cucked freely. It was a home for redditors, low self esteem, and misread signals by coworkers.
It can be a dangerous place, but it was our last, best hope for love. The year is 2016, the name of the place is open relationship 5.

Please drop this.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 19:57

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Please drop this.

screw you it was way better than deep space nine!

# ? Dec 19, 2016 19:59

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

Pick posted:

It does seem like men and women tend to cheat for different reasons, but hell it does not make it better to explain it to a woman from your point of view that any woman who makes you feel "sexy" is going to get your dong out.

You always see those types of justifications in these stories and it's almost precious. As if the natural defense is "what am I supposed to do, not cheat??"

# ? Dec 19, 2016 20:00

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Pick posted:

screw you it was way better than deep space nine!

Haha yeah it hurt to say that to a B5 post but still.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 20:05

ikanreed: Sep 25, 2009; I honestly I have no idea who cannibal[SIC] is and I do not know why I should know.

syq dude, just syq!

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Please drop this.

Sure. I'm not actually that down on open relationships, but I'm a loser nerd who likes terrible pop culture references.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 20:05

NomChompsky: Sep 17, 2008

Pick posted:

btw this is when you eventually find out they're nazis

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PiLVAz-Jczg

# ? Dec 19, 2016 20:13

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

DOMDOM posted:

How could that other guy think he can just sever from his wife and 4 kids by kicking them out of "his house?"

I would love to be a fly on the wall when they go in front of the judge.

It's going to be great when the judge raids the deadbeat moron's bank accounts for his (ex-)wife's legal fees. It's going to be equally great when the cops inevitably lock him out of their house since she's on the deed and is the primary caretaker of 4 kids in an abusive situation. :laffo:

# ? Dec 19, 2016 20:17

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Why did you yell at me after I kept ceaselessly haranguing you for doing something you regret that we just agreed was dealt with? Why are you not talking to me now that I've continued to hound you for yelling at me in exasperation?

They're both dumb, but this would be the worst thing to sit through for me.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 20:18

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

She's only dumb for continuing to try to date this guy who was kissing some other girl while out with her.

She does seem incredibly stubborn, though. She should be in sales.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 20:22

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

NomChompsky posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PiLVAz-Jczg

is that david mitchell?

# ? Dec 19, 2016 20:28

NomChompsky: Sep 17, 2008

HardDiskD posted:

is that david mitchell?

Yeah, in a show he and Webb did called Peep Show, and it is amazing. If you want to watch a show that perfectly summarizes the internal monologues of 99% of the people we see in these r/relationships posts, watch every single episode.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2_NMRXQ0d8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkjeorS12F0

NomChompsky fucked around with this message at 20:42 on Dec 19, 2016

# ? Dec 19, 2016 20:36

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

There any follow up on the guy who suddenly wants to make his family homeless cause yeah I wanna see the courts smack him upside the head in a way only a judge can.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 20:45

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

HardDiskD posted:

is that david mitchell?

if you know who david mitchell is but you havent watched the first 4 series of peep show then you have a serious problem in your life that needs to get fixed immediately

# ? Dec 19, 2016 20:45

NomChompsky: Sep 17, 2008

boner confessor posted:

if you know who david mitchell is but you havent watched ~~the first 4 series~~ every single second of peep show then you have a serious problem in your life that needs to get fixed immediately

# ? Dec 19, 2016 20:47

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

The best thing about that dude that wants to boot his family out is that it's one of the few realms of American law that is actually going to be doing its job in an ok fashion. Family court is going to tell that guy to move into an apartment and pay child support if he wants out.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 20:58

Uncle Enzo: Apr 28, 2008; I always wanted to be a Wizard

Pvt.Scott posted:

The best thing about that dude that wants to boot his family out is that it's one of the few realms of American law that is actually going to be doing its job in an ok fashion. Family court is going to tell that guy to move into an apartment and pay child support if he wants out.

Yeah I don't see a judge OK'ing kicking a mother and 4 kids out into the snow. The cops aren't gonna go for that either. If that dude wants to move out he can do it anytime, same with divorce, but he's gonna be paying child support for the next 15 years or so. That lady is entitled to at least half that house, plus ongoing payments from him. You can't abandon your family, you've got obligations bud.

E: half of everything, not just the house. Probably half+ of everything that was in those accounts and very possibly more than half of everything, if she's going to be the primary caregiver

Uncle Enzo fucked around with this message at 21:15 on Dec 19, 2016

# ? Dec 19, 2016 21:04

SirSamVimes: Jul 21, 2008; ~* Challenge *~

And thankfully she asked for advice so hopefully she's getting told that there isn't poo poo he can do to enforce that ultimatum.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 21:12

Xun: Apr 25, 2010

Also her name is on the deed, that guy is hosed

# ? Dec 19, 2016 21:18

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

give it a year and that guy will be complaining on reddit about how the legal system is biased against men in divorce cases

# ? Dec 19, 2016 21:19

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

Me (26F) upset with boyfriend's (32M) attitude, how to talk to him about it

quote:

My boyfriend was cooking breakfast in the kitchen and I was sitting at the island yesterday morning when we began arguing about something related to our Christmas plans (a long issue.) We were going back and forth pretty badly and when he finished cooking, he set the plate of food in front of me very roughly, making a loud noise.

It really annoyed me and I said I'm not going to eat that if you're going to set it down like that, and he said, what difference does it make. I yelled at him that it's totally disrespectful and I don't want to eat something served to me with so much anger. Then I see him take a deep quiet breath like I am the one exasperating HIM and he apologizes and says, please just eat. And this annoys me even more. I hate that he acts like he is calming ME down for a stupid reason, when I think I had every right to be mad at him for doing that.

I don't say anything and just begin to pick at the food because honestly, I had lost my appetite from all the fighting. He watches me for a second and lets out a huge sigh and says something like, "you're such a spoiled brat" under his breath and leaves the room, and I kept yelling after him how mean and hateful he is being and he didn't respond at all.

Later in the day, it was still quiet between us and I started to do the dishes and he literally pushes me out of the way and says, Don't and does them himself.

Am I crazy for being irritated that he threw the plate down at me? It bothers me that he acts like he is calming me down for no reason, when I think it was a justified reaction to that really mean gesture. Even his apology felt like he was just placating me, which is why I still felt angry about it. I don't even know how to explain how I feel to him. I just feel extremely frustrated. Do I bring it up again? Am I wrong?

TLDR: My boyfriend slammed a plate down in front of me and when I got angry about it, he made it seem like I was being ridiculous. It's been a day since this happened. How should I bring this up, if at all.

I really like this post. It's not that interesting or funny, I just feel like I've been in this exact fight a million times with my girlfriend but it never lasts long cause we talk it out, it just feels so real and relatable to me

# ? Dec 19, 2016 21:24

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

Me (26F) upset with boyfriend's (32M) attitude, how to talk to him about it
I really like this post. It's not that interesting or funny, I just feel like I've been in this exact fight a million times with my girlfriend but it never lasts long cause we talk it out, it just feels so real and relatable to me

This seems like a really loving dumb thing to fight about and if you're having dumb fights like this a lot, I think you might have bigger issues.

I would just be psyched that someone put food in front of me and start eating.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 21:26

Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

I have been dating my girlfriend forever and I've never once had that argument or ever put a plate down too hard. God bless

# ? Dec 19, 2016 21:26

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

LethalGeek posted:

There any follow up on the guy who suddenly wants to make his family homeless cause yeah I wanna see the courts smack him upside the head in a way only a judge can.

Nah that was a new one but I'm sure he is going to get completely hosed by the judge.

There was another legal advice story about a guy whose father tripped over a box at a department store that wasn't properly put away and died because of it. Legal advice just about pissed their pants they were so excited that the situation could not have been more ideal for the OP. Long story short the guy got a lawyer who gladly took on the case on contingency and OP bought the watch his father had his eye on and wanted. The watch was $7.77 :smith:

something about the dad being excited to pick out such a cheap watch just made the story even more depressing

# ? Dec 19, 2016 21:27

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

WampaLord posted:

This seems like a really loving dumb thing to fight about and if you're having dumb fights like this a lot, I think you might have bigger issues.

I would just be psyched that someone put food in front of me and start eating.

We don't have fights like that where either of us do stuff like shoving each other out of the way or slamming plates, just the stuff like getting upset with each others reactions, getting angry about anger, huffing and puffing, that kind of stuff.

It never lasts, we always talk through it. Which is what that poster should be doing!

# ? Dec 19, 2016 21:29

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

We don't have fights like that where either of us do stuff like shoving each other out of the way or slamming plates, just the stuff like getting upset with each others reactions, getting angry about anger, huffing and puffing, that kind of stuff.

It never lasts, we always talk through it. Which is what that poster should be doing!

Fair enough, but living like the way the couple in that post lives sounds exhausting.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 21:34

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

This is old and legal advice but.. :wtc:

quote:

My ex husband and his new wife made my daughter a back brace out of wood and steel and forced her to wear it.
My daughter is nine and we share custody by alternating weeks. My daughter says her back hurts now and her arm is tingling. I have a doctors appointment for her on Monday and in the meantime I am trying to remain calm.
I confronted my ex-husband about it and all her would say was one text message where he says his new wife didn't like how my daughter slouched at the dinner table. They aren't doctors and there is nothing wrong with her that she needs a brace. I loving want to kill both of them. Is there a way I can get a quick court date or see a judge because I don't want her going back there. When we divorced it took a long time to figure out custody.
Edit: Sorry the location is the state of Florida. I'm so mad I'm having a hard time focusing.

and the update:

quote:

Update: My ex husband and his new wife made my daughter a back brace out of wood and steel and forced her to wear it (Florida)
EDIT: Forgot to add this...My first post was here: https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4a97dq/my_ex_husband_and_his_new_wife_made_my_daughter_a/
Firstly I would like to thank everyone for all the support in my first post and all the supportive PM's I received. It was really overwhelming (in a good way). A few people asked for an update so here it is.
So a lot has happened since I first posted. I called in to work while I was trying to get all this sorted. One of my co-workers has a cousin who is a lawyer and she knew someone who was able to help me and file the paperwork. My husband played dumb in court but his visits got reduced to supervised and he was ordered to take a parenting class. My daughter went to physiotherapy. Eventually the court reinstated his visitation when he swore he had learned his lesson and was sorry and with his otherwise clean record the court agreed. I was against it but the court ruled against me.
I gave my daughter her own cell phone so she could call me whenever she needed to. On her second visit it happened again. This time the brace had steel and fabric instead of wood and they took her phone too. The next night she left when they weren't looking and went up the street to a neighbor who is a police officer. The neighbor called paramedics and her co-workers. They had to cut the brace off my daughter. My husband and his wife were arrested. They got out quickly but they have been charged and their infant is with CPS. My ex lost visitation and custody and I'm working on making it permanent. Unfortunately my daughter's shoulder was dislocated from the brace. It set back her rehab and part of her arm is still numb and tingling. She needed surgery and is still recovering. She always played sports (especially at school) and did dance but the doctor thinks she won't ever be able to lift her arm all the way up again. I hate my ex and he'll see her again over my loving dead body. Right now I'm focusing on my daughter while my lawyer takes care of things. That's my update.

I repeat.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 21:39

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

54 40 or gently caress posted:

Nah that was a new one but I'm sure he is going to get completely hosed by the judge.

There was another legal advice story about a guy whose father tripped over a box at a department store that wasn't properly put away and died because of it. Legal advice just about pissed their pants they were so excited that the situation could not have been more ideal for the OP. Long story short the guy got a lawyer who gladly took on the case on contingency and OP bought the watch his father had his eye on and wanted. The watch was $7.77 something about the dad being excited to pick out such a cheap watch just made the story even more depressing

Are you alright? You've been posting some sad stories lately.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 21:44

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Gaunab posted:

Are you alright? You've been posting some sad stories lately.

IM JUST FINE THANKS

I'm actually great, thanks for asking! I think I gravitate to them because I always hope for the best outcome. Plus these posts tend to be more outlandish in content so that probably factors on as well. How are you, Gaunab?

# ? Dec 19, 2016 21:49

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

54 40 or gently caress posted:

This is old and legal advice but..

and the update:

I repeat.

They dislocated her arm with the brace??? I don't think there is a :wtc:

big enough.

# ? Dec 19, 2016 21:50

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# ? May 26, 2024 11:39

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Depending on the person, it's not that hard to dislocate a shoulder. I know I told someone that they needed to be careful with me because my joints are bad, and their response was ha-ha to grab my wrist and tug at my arm! They dislocated my shoulder :shepface:

# ? Dec 19, 2016 21:52

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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