quote:

I found text messages between my [28/M] GF [29/F] and her co-worker/friend [28/M] that made me uncomfortable

This is a long story that I'm going to try to make short. A month or so ago, my girlfriend began to foster a friendship with a coworker of hers. This friendship very quickly started to make me uncomfortable. She talked about him a lot, and one night was out with just him until 5:30 in the morning. She said that they had just been out "driving around and smoking weed". A few days later I expressed by concerns and she reassured me that I had nothing to worry about - for the most part we were fine, but something in my gut still didn't feel right.

A few nights later, against my better judgement I looked at her phone. I don't like snooping, but I had to validate or invalidate my concerns about this guy - it was driving me insane. I saw a text exchange between them from the night after I confronted her about this dude and we worked things out. The text was something along the lines of "So, I have to ask - do you have a girlfriend? I have a boyfriend, but I really like you. You're hard to read and it drives me nuts. Normally I wouldn't admit this via text, but I really wanted to tell you." There was some additional back and forth - including him telling her he really likes her too, her saying it wasn't her intention to really like him, and her saying "...now we can never speak of it again hahaha..". The text was also sent in the middle of the workday while they were both together in the office, which again doesn't make sense to me.

When confronted about it, her explanation was that the texts are completely benign; that when she said she "really liked him" it just meant that she wanted to continue being friends with him, and that she mentioned me being her boyfriend so he wouldn't get the wrong impression about her intentions.

She got me to forget about it for a while, but these two still hang out alone at least once a week, and the body language between them makes me uncomfortable. There's nothing specific I can put my finger on that bothers me, just a general gut feeling. And this keeps bringing me back to thinking about those text messages. Her explanation just doesn't make sense to me. If this whole thing was innocent from the start, I just can't understand why anyone would ever need to send those texts.

Am I being a fool by continuing to buy into this? Or am I being overly paranoid?

tl;dr: GF develops friendship with a co-worker that makes me uncomfortable. Stays out alone with him alone until 5:30 AM one night. Find texts later where she tells him she "really likes him". She insists that nothing has ever happened between them and that the texts were all regarding a platonic friendship. They are continuing to hang out one on one, and I don't know if I can believe her explanation(s).

Gaunab posted:

Agentdark posted:

I would imagine that the relationship is much more hosed up and one sided then they admit to. I meet alot of Poly people who desperately try to defend their dysfunctional relationships with the weirdest and worst logic.

purple death ray posted:

Also Pick is a good poster and Troposphere owns

Tirade posted:

Listing "garlic bread" is funny as hell while still being mostly harmless. Would be a different story if it had been "vigorous masturbation" or the like.

54 40 or gently caress posted:

This so depends from couple to couple. Started dating my husband when I was 17, him 18, got married at 23/24 three years and I don't think I've met a more functional, happy couple than ourselves . Though I realize we might be an exception

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

So honesty isn't the best policy?

Lone Goat posted:

Not sure if this is more or less funny than the dude that rolled in here saying ACTUALLY POLY WORKS SOMETIMES JUST LOOK AT US

quote:

I [30M] rented an expensive car for a trip back home. Now everyone thinks I'm super rich and don't believe when I say I'm not.

A couple of months ago I was visiting back home for a few days and I needed to rent a car (I don't have a car myself). I looked online and found a great deal (maybe a glitch) and was able to rent a Maserati for the price of a Ford. I drove that home and now suddenly everyone thinks I'm such a rich guy. Even after I told them that it was a one time thing and it didn't cost me much, they think I'm doing that only to make sure they don't ask me for money.

Now I hear form everyone in my home town that apparently I'm a millionaire... every conversation has a reference to the money I supposedly have. I've had people come to me for career advice. I'm broke with 70K student loans that I'm working hard to pay off as soon as possible, live in a rental apartment and ride a bike to work every day to work because I can't even afford a car.

All my relationships with friends and family are suffering as a result. They think I'm lying to them because I see myself as better than them and I don't want them to hang out with them.
Did I just make a mistake that can't be undone? How do I get people to understand that I'm not rich?

tl;dr: People think I'm rich because I rented an expensive car once, and now all my relationships are suffering.

quote:

Me [24 M] with my ex-wife [24 F] of 9 years, broke up two weeks ago and she moved across the country to live with another guy
Well this is going to be a long one.

So a bit of backstory, We have been having problems with about 9 months now and I thought we would be able to work through them on our own. I was definitely wrong on that one. It started 9 months ago when I was caught watching porn, this really hurt her as she feels she should be enough for me and I shouldn't need porn to be happy. I agreed and told her I wouldn't watch it again, and I havent.

Now. Im going to tell you guys something I have never told anyone else in my life. In the 9 years me and my wife were together, we never had sex. We did other stuff. But never had sex. I was okay with this because I knew she had self-esteem and body issues, and I knew when she was ready we would be able to take our relationship to that level and I would be there to support her.

3 days before she left she wanted to try having sex finally, so we did. We were both happy, or so I thought. Then 3 days later she wrote me a letter saying she was moving in with her parents because she did not love me the same way anymore. I thought she just needed space or time so I said okay and she moved out. I then found out about a week later that she stayed with her parents for a few days and then flew across the country to live with a guy she met on guild wars.

She told me there is nothing going on, and I do believe her. I mean were were together 9 years and nothing happened. I dont think she would jump into bed with the first guy she talked to. But at the same time I dont know how to handle knowing shes living in a house with another guy already. Its just a really difficult situation to be in.

I asked her that before anything did happen if she would reconsider coming home to talk to me and give me another chance. One of our biggest issues was that we dident spend much time together, partly because of our gaming habits, and my new job. I told her im going to see a therapist and going to work on it, but it seems like telling her this dident change anything at all. She is now talking about living there with him for the next few months and its just breaking my heart knowing the women I planned on asking to marry me next month is now living with another man.

TL;DR;l wife left me and flew across the country to live with another man.

quote:

oh poo poo, sorry I wrote this really quick and didn't explain that. We were claiming common law marriage for the past 3 years. Been going by husband and wife since then. Was gonna make it official on our anniversary.

quote:

Okay, well after speaking with 3 therapist's about this, and my mom, and my wifes mom I still don't want to believe it. So I'm going to give a bit of back story here.

Me and my wife had been together for 9 years, in those 9 years we never had sex, we did other things. Just not intercourse. She had a lot of body issues and low self-esteem so she never wanted to get physical in that way. She would have issues with changing cloths in front of me and just generally did not like to be naked with me around.

Then one month ago she decided she wanted to try having sex. So we did. After words we cuddled and watched a movie until we both fell asleep. When I woke up the next day she was crying, and told me she wanted to write me a letter. The letter was about a page long, but basically said that she wanted to take some time apart and was going to go live with her parents. It completely shocked me, I had no idea what to think. But I knew she just needed time and would be safe with them so I agreed and she moved out 4 hours later. Now comes the part I'm most worried about.

I found out 18 days ago, that she lived with her parents for about a week, then booked a plane ticket to fly across the country to live with another guy she met playing a online game. She knows nothing about him and has never met him before. Other then when she flew out and saw him at the airport.

This seems so out of character for her that its shocked everyone, me, her parents, her grandparents, everyone.

I just told her mother about all of these last night, about the sex, about everything. Everyone seems to have come to the same conclusion except for me, They all think something happened to her when she was younger but repressed it, and during the sexual event we had it triggered something and it caused her to have a mental breakdown.

I just dont know if I can believe that. I know she has a lot of body issues and self esteem issues. But When I have talked ot her on the phone it seems like her, just that shes trying to figure things out. But then I get text messages that just dont seem like her at all. Its very confusing, any insight into this would definitely be appreciated.

TL;DR I think my wife may have been abused when she was younger and us finally having sex triggered something.

quote:

Well Reddit I am back again.

So its been 2 months since me and my wife split, and 5 weeks since she has been living with another man. Now, she is still saying there is absolutely nothing going on, and for some strange reason I still believe her.
However tonight I texted her and came to the realization that we are not getting back together. You all told me, and I didn't listen. I realized she dont want to try anymore, no matter what I say or do to change myself. So its time for me to give up and move on with my life. As much as I don't want to, but I know she already has.

The thing that scares me now is that I know she will be moving home eventually. She even told me that again today that she was going to be moving back, but just didn't know when. I'm scared that when I see her those feelings are going to come back, and It will be like the day when she first left again.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with that, what am I going to do when I see her again, how do I handle that first met up again after she moves back.

Any advice at all would be appreciated. Unfortunately just not meeting or seeing her is not a option. I live in a extremely small town, and I can pretty much guarantee the day she comes home I'm going to find out from someone.

tl;dr: Wife flew across country, living with another man, told me she is moving back eventually. I want to move on with my life but scared of the feelings I may have again when she shows up.

Sammus posted:

People actually put hobbies and interests on their resume?

Tears In A Vial posted:

Have we done this one? I feel like we must have done this one, because it is bonkers.

Posting everything in order as best I can.

Tears In A Vial posted:

Have we done this one? I feel like we must have done this one, because it is bonkers.

Posting everything in order as best I can.

Odd posted:

If "moving back eventually" means in with the ex-husband who is posting this story, I sincerely hope that he is shutting it down

La Brea Carpet posted:

Posting this because it seems like the B-plot to a terrible "family comedy" starring Ryan Reynolds.

He comes back home and realizes his only true love from high school is married to a jerk and now all his friends are asking him for loans. 50/50 shot this movie also stars Eugene Levy as his dad who is inexplicably married to a really hot woman.

Sammus posted:

People actually put hobbies and interests on their resume?

Moon Atari posted:

That back brace story is insane. I wonder if they genuinely thought they were helping the girl, but are crazy and dumb, or if they just wanted to strap a torture device to her.

well why not posted:

It's Florida, so probably both. It's like something from a Fincher movie, so gross. The thought of some old man making a steel brace for his daughter, in the modern era, is so concerning to me.

quote:

Hi redditors, i'm a teenager staying in a strict Asian country where family values , morals and honor are kept very strictly. 2 days ago my family found out that I stupidly charged 2 thousand dollars of uber charges to my elder brothers debit card. I know i was lazy, a coward and an absolute scum bag of a brother by stealing his hard earned money for my convenience.

My family found out about my actions before they flew off for a 10 day holiday while i stayed in my home country. They called me late in the evening before they boarded the flight hoping i could tell them i didn't steal his money and it was case of fraud by an outsider for the police to investigate. I however just coldly admitted that i was responsible and guilty.

I'm not very sure how R/relationship works but i'd like to appeal for help about handling the guilt and attempting to salvage my relationship with my family and most importantly my brother. I am able to make full restitution but i don't think it's about the money.

Sorry for posting in none fluent English, i'm quite distraught and my thoughts are quite disorganized.

tl;dr: Committed fraud, charged 2 thousand dollars to my brothers debit card, family found out before i told him, guilty and lost.

quote:

This was over a period of 10 months, Many many many micro transactions of 10-20$ every trip. I feel that the long term nature of my actions will be the most damaging of all. I did it because i was a lazy scum bag that took my brother for granted.

quote:

I've been with my GF for 3+ years and this feels like it's been a common theme in our relationship for awhile now. The problem is that when my GF is around other people, she will occasionally poke fun at or tease me, moreso than when it's just us two alone. I told her early in our relationship (and many times since then) that I didn't like this and she has eased up a little bit, but she still does it from time to time.

Sometimes the teasing genuinely bothers me, sometimes it's not a huge deal, but the bigger issue is that I feel like she doesn't care about my feelings because she keeps doing it even though I've told her countless times that I don't like it. I've basically told her straight up that I don't trust her judgment of when to tease me and when not to around other people so just never do it, period (maybe unreasonable, maybe not?).

So yesterday, we were getting ready to head home after visiting her friend for the weekend. My gf said to her friend "Rebecca": "So Rebecca, funny story... Jack [me] will probably be mad at me for saying this..." at which point I said straight-faced and seriously: "Okay, so that means you probably shouldn't be saying it then." and my gf went on anyway to tell a story about how a few years ago we were at a history museum reading something about lactose tolerance (I'm lactose intolerant) and shortly after we read that, a tour guide told a group of people near us about lactose tolerant people being "more evolved" than lactose intolerant people. Therefore, her and her friend are "more evolved" than me (hilarious, right?).

I'm not devastated by the fact that I'm lactose intolerant, but I have told her many times that I prefer to not be reminded about it, especially when it's the butt of a joke. At the time, I just stonewalled and got over it I guess. But now that I've been away from her today, I'm more pissed about it. I've been stewing a decent amount today about how this has been a persistent problem in our relationship and I can't deal with being around her or her friends because chances are she's going to say something at some point that bothers me.

Am I overreacting? Maybe I just needed to vent here about it, but I don't feel good about the situation.

TL;DR: GF joked about my lactose intolerance to her friend. She has known for years that I don't appreciate jokes or comments like that, yet continues to do it. Has me doubting relationship.

quote:

Friday night, I took my wife to my workplace's annual holiday party. My wife had missed the previous year's party (my first at this firm) due to multiple sclerosis and not feeling up to it. This was the first holiday party that was off-premises and had more than eight employees attending (there were thirty or so attendees in all).

My wife does not like the founder of the company much. He is on the autistic spectrum, and she finds him opaque and standoffish. He also decided not to hire her for some freelance work about a year ago.

My wife had two Irish Car Bombs (a double-strength drink of Guiness and Bailey's Irish Cream) over two and a half hours. Over this time, she became friendly with my co-workers that she knew and liked, and actually bonded a bit with the founder's mother.

When the founder's sister, who is our head of HR, made a crack about "everyone here who doesn't like [founder] raise your hand" during a raffle, my wife raised her hand after an initial pause. That was a bit embarrassing. Founder's sister cracked a lame joke trying to defuse that.

During the founder's heartfelt speech, which was clearly sincere and difficult for him to say, my wife was Facebooking on her phone, the only person at the event to do so. It would have been clear to anyone looking at the audience; her face was lit by the bluish light from her phone.

We left immediately after the speeches were over, saying goodbye only to co-workers we encountered, because I was embarrassed by her behavior and did not want to risk any further damage to my job and career.

I told her that some people at the party may have found her actions rude, and asked her to not use her phone during heartfelt speeches. Instead of hearing me, she got defensive, saying the speeches "bored" her, and asserted her right to entertain herself when she gets bored. It was clear to me that she was still drunk, and that we could accomplish very little by discussing this while she was drunk.

Saturday and Sunday she went to work and came back tired. She claimed she was too tired to discuss the matter further.

Today at work, I asked my trusted co-workers about the matter. They all said they didn't see anything weird or rude about her behavior. I have not said anything to the founder or his sister. He is opaque and on the spectrum, and she is a consummate HR professional.

My concern is how my wife disregarded my feelings and requests completely, and then dodged the issue after our initial discussion.

Quitting this job to make her happy is not an option. I like the job, and it pays for her very expensive multiple sclerosis care. I've never been in this kind of situation before.

I'd like some advice with how to handle this with my wife and with my co-workers and employer.

tl;dr: Took my wife to the office xmas party where she drank too much and was rude to my boss the founder and my co-workers. Wondering how to handle it with her and with my co-workers.

ZombieJesus posted:

Yeah that guy should definitely quit his high paying job (that provides for his wife's medical care) because he got mildly embarrassed about one mild joke that nobody else even noticed. Seems like the right response.

Ratjaculation posted:

Hey, at least todays derail is something I can get onboard with. Garlic bread is good, and its worth having as a skill on LinkedIn.

DOMDOM posted:

Me [20 M] with my brother [21 M/F] of 20 years, I charged 2 thousand dollars to his debit card and my family found out, filled with guilt and at a lost

Moon Atari posted:

He is such a bad brother that he isn't even sure what gender his older bro is.

Moon Atari posted:

He is such a bad brother that he isn't even sure what gender his older bro is.

quote:

Let me just give some background to this story. I live in a city where there are interracial couples galore. It's a pretty normal thing here (or at least I think so) and I didn't think my mother would be so against her daughter being in one. My family lives outside of said city and I grew up there too. I've been in a relationship with this guy for around 6 months now and i'm not saying i'm going to get married to him but I do see a long term relationship out of this. I'm Greek (yes white but I feel Greeks are notoriously much more for marrying only Greeks/white people so I feel it's important to say) and he is Chinese.
So before my parents met my boyfriend, I thought they obviously didn't approve because they hadn't met him yet. There wasn't so much race talk at this point. Eventually, my mother told me that her daughter dating an Asian man was killing her and her reputation in society. I thought this would get a little bit better after having her meet him but boy was I wrong.
After they met, my parents agreed that he was a good guy and had a lot of good qualities from what they could tell. My mother even told me to do what I want but she still wasn't okay with it. I was fine with this and thought it was going to be alright. After a couple of days the terrorizing over the phone began.
My father claims he is okay with it and supports me in what I do but every time I talk to my mother on the phone she definitely reminds me that my father and her are not okay with this and want me to break up with him as soon as possible. Today, she even told me multiple times that i'm making my father and her depressed by who i'm dating. This kind of talk happens all the time and it really gets to me.
My mother has a severe case of untreated paranoia so she also says that people are ridiculing her personally because they know that i'm dating an Asian man. I don't know if this is actually happening but she does have a history of skewing what everyone says to her due to her mental illness. She also says that the Asian race as a whole is out to get her and whoever introduced me to him was plotting this to get at her and that they might try to poison me eventually. This part is obviously untrue because no one introduced me to him...I met him on a dating app. She'll say things like this and then say "I have the highest respect for Asian people but... etc etc etc."
I normally live away from my parents in the city but I'm going to be living at home for the next month. I see my boyfriend just about everyday and I want him to come over my house to hang out but my mother has a huge problem with this.
She keeps terrorizing me every night over the phone how i'm ruining her life and her bloodline and she will disown me if I continue this relationship. I honestly don't know what to do anymore because I want to continue this relationship but I really don't want to have any problems with my parents.
My mother says she wants me to not get serious feigning concern that I'm ruining my prospects for marriage but it's evident that if this man was a race she approved of it would definitely be okay with him but it's already gotten serious enough (example, my brother has been in a LTR with a white girl since high school she loves her like a daughter).
She also says that my dating him is an act of desperateness and that I could do so much better but this is just her trying to make me feel bad for dating him.
I don't know how to make her realize that she's being completely irrational. Has anyone dealt with this type of situation in their life and what did you do? Thanks in advance and sorry for the long post.
TL;DR My paranoid Greek mother is very much against my Asian boyfriend. She says I am ruining her life and her social standing by doing so and I'm making her depressed. Any advice on how to change her mind or make her stop telling me to break up with him and that I will ruin my life by dating him?

Lunchmeat Larry posted:

can't believe that guy's wife was still standing after two beers and two shots of deadly 15% strong liqueur