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Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
The old management was mean to my band!! :qq:

How can that not be more important than paying for cancer treatment?

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54 40 or fuck
Jan 4, 2012

No Yanda's allowed
This is super long but can someone help me please understand wtf STBXH means? I'm also bolding the weirdest parts

quote:

My [33F] STBXH [35M] is making me feel guilty for having a FWB after our marriage broke down because he had an affair.
Sorry, this is going to be a ramble because I'm so confused.
My STBXH and I were married for 7 years.
We had an interesting start- our parents set up the meeting and then we dated for a year before we got married.
I guess we never really had that initial intense romance that so many other relationships do and also we didn't have that much romance after as well. It was my first relationship so I didn't know better at the time (but it was his 3rd).
He was also my first everything- I really did in some respects grow up under a rock because of my culture and gender.
Looking back now, we were so focused on the getting married part and finding someone who ticked all the boxes on paper, we neglected the actual romance part. Even though, I still fell in love with him and we did start going on dates and spent a lot of time together, sex was also good but I guess it wasn't "explosive"- it was warm, happy and comfortable and I was happy. I didn't know he wasn't.
1 year ago I found out he had been having a 6 month affair with his ex GF.
His ex and him had mutually broken up from what he told me because they didn't want the same things in life (she didn't want children or settle down in any one place) whereas I guess he wanted more stability.
I feel like he chose me because I was this boring person who would having his children, be loyal and didn't have anything to compare the relationship too- like he settled for me because I was the opposite of his ex- i.e. a safe, comfortable, inexperienced homebody.
He said he was looking for someone who wanted to settle down, was stable and not a party animal who got drunk and he wanted to leave those days behind. Maybe I internalized this or took it too seriously and wound up being the other way because I thought that's what he wanted.
In any case, he started working late, he started going out more with his friends on "guys nights" and it turns out he was seeing her.
I found out because one of his friends pulled me aside and told me so I went through his phone and found all the messages and emails where he called me boring, a "plank of wood" in bed, told her he was dying of boredom and then she replied back saying at least he'd found the broodmare he'd wanted to bear his offspring. He said he wished I was more exciting and spontaneous like her. ((:wtc::wtc::wtc:))
He told her that he still wanted to be a father more than anything and was there any chance of her changing her mind. She said no.
I printed out all the emails/texts/FB messages and confronted him about it and moved my stuff into the spare bedroom.
For about 3 months I took all those comments in the emails to heart - I dressed up, started going out drinking with him, tried more adventurous things in bed but I also there was always this fear that I would never be good enough.
He also broke things off with her as well but I wasn't really happy. He would compliment me on my "progress" but I never had fun going out drinking with his friends and most of the time it would really be making sure he got home OK and then making him breakfast.
Then 6 months ago, he asked me if he could go to his friend's destination bachelor party/vacation for a whole month. I was terrified he'd cheat on me during that time but I said yes because I didn't want to seem boring- I couldn't get time off work to go because it was the end of financial year in our country and I couldn't get time off work as it's a busy period.
He reassured me multiple times that nothing was going to happen, he was still working on our marriage but this was his best mate and they'd had this planned for years etc. I just smiled and nodded but I didn't really care I guess at that point. In a way I was looking forward to some time alone.
While he was away, I went to a "Silent Reading Party" because I was getting anxious, work was stressful and being at home was introspective but I just wasn't happy in my own skin.
The reading party had 2 hours of reading but the 3rd hour was mingling so I saw a guy (Rob) who was reading a book I'd enjoyed and the I guess I was on a burst of courage for doing something boring for me, I went an initiated a conversation with him.

Turns out he was in the process of a divorce because his wife had cheated. We ended up talking a lot about that because we had that in common. I saw him after work every day for the two weeks my STBXH was away- nothing physical but we always had really deep and meaningful conversations, he had a lot of empathy, he reassured me that I wasn't boring- just that I wasn't a party animal and that's OK and that my husband was incredibly selfish for going for a month overseas when he'd just cheated.
I finally felt that "chemistry" I guess. We would meet after work, hang out, it was comfortable but also exciting. During the 2nd week, I went to a divorce lawyer, I'd drawn up how to split the bills, taken half of what was in the joint account, redirected my salary to a separate bank account and moved everything that was mine into the spare bedroom.
I'd also scheduled a few therapy sessions for me to process how I feel.
When my STBXH got back told him of my intention to divorce and he was shocked. I guess he thought I thought he'd cheated during his trip but I told him multiple times it wasn't that.
He was changing between pleading about the progress we'd made (it was really me that had changed as per my therapist) and angry because why I didn't I just divorce sooner instead of wasting his time etc.
Then he'd apologize for getting angry and move back to pleading I guess.
I stayed firm and basically stopped cooking for him, doing his laundry and just paying half the bills. I still had to clean the whole house because he refused but I didn't do his dishes or pick up after him. I mostly just stayed in the spare room once I got home from work or went to a lot of meetup groups for hiking, book club, wine tasting etc.
The entire time, I was still talking to Rob a lot and started going to his divorce support group. A month after I told my STBXH Rob and I slept together when I was hanging out at his place. It wasn't great but it was good. I felt more confident afterwards. I told Rob I was in a place for a relationship and neither was he but we started up a mutually exclusive FWB thing. We also were a good support for each other in terms of divorce- my STBXH was hounding me about where I was going etc. His ex was sending him nasty emails and threatening to "ruin him" and it was good to have a friend and also I guess the sex started getting amazing too. He also introduced me to his friends and they are a really bunch of people. He's also met a few friends of mine too who know what's happening.
Maybe this relationship will be more, maybe it won't but it's right for me at the moment. It gave me back a lot of positivity, a lot of confidence that I wouldn't' be alone forever and Rob isn't sacred to be vulnerable with me too.
About a week ago, my STXH found out about Rob because someone had seen us together at the movies and he yelled at me when I got home.
He must have had some suspicion because I wasn't coming home a few nights a week. He called me a loose woman, that I should be working on the marriage and how I was a hypocrite for sleeping around.
In is mind, he's had an affair, I've had an "affair" so we're even.
As far as I'm concerned, we're separated until the 12 months is up. I've made that clear to him via my lawyer and also the fact that we don't sleep together, we split the bills, I don't do any of his cooking, landry etc. I don't go to his family's events, I don't even care what time he comes home or where. I've even updated all my next of kin/emergency contacts to my brother.
I don't know why he even wants to give this marriage a shot. He's saying I should have waiting until we were divorced to start seeing someone and why did I make him breakup with his ex.
I told him we're only married in a legal sense and close to divorce and that I'm sure his ex would be happy to take him back like she did before. I packed some stuff and I am currently staying with a friend.
Then yesterday, out of the blue, his ex contacts me via text and wants to meetup. My STBXH also keeps texting and calling telling me to come back home.
I just don't want this at all. I want to divorce, the 12 months is just weeks away. I'm so stressed out and sad all the time except for when I'm with Rob but I also don't want to be the kind of person that needs a man to be happy.
I also feel like I didn't do anything wrong with starting something with Rob because we were separated.
I just feel like I can't breathe sometimes. I don't know how to feel.
75% of the time I'm moving forward with things but then 25% of the time I have doubts that I didn't give my marriage a good enough shot or that I didn't communicate properly.
How am I meant to be feeling?
tl;dr: My STBXH is making me feel guilty for having a FWB after our marriage broke down because he had an affair. Says I'm not giving the marriage a shot.

Ohhhhj soon to be ex husband. Jesus gently caress

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
She's in the right. It's not an affair if you're already processing the divorce and have split from sharing your life with your legal spouse. Rob sounds cool and she should go for it.

Doc Hawkins
Jun 15, 2010

Dashing? But I'm not even moving!


The first time I ever drank a car bomb was at the urging of a man who claimed to be Irish (but naturalized American), and an EOD specialist, recently back from Afghanistan.

He was probably lying but I don't regret it. Someday I should pay the con forward with a new dumb kid.

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

HardDiskD posted:

I edited in the body, but it's more the cousins being little shits.

I still don't get why the pushers' mom is mad

Like, the problem seems to be that both moms are mad at each other and I do not understand why the mother of the kids who pushed a younger kid into an open grave for over an hour is mad at the mom of the victim. Like was he "asking for it" or what

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

loquacius posted:

I still don't get why the pushers' mom is mad

Like, the problem seems to be that both moms are mad at each other and I do not understand why the mother of the kids who pushed a younger kid into an open grave for over an hour is mad at the mom of the victim. Like was he "asking for it" or what

my little angels would never blah blah one time you brought the wrong potato salad bla we never wanted you as part of this family blah blah how dare you accume timmy of blah he's never blah blahed a day in his life, he probably picked t up from your husband that blah blah piece of blah

Space Kablooey
May 6, 2009


loquacius posted:

I still don't get why the pushers' mom is mad

Apparently nobody else does as well.

chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

loquacius posted:

I do not understand why the mother of the kids who pushed a younger kid into an open grave for over an hour is mad at the mom of the victim.

I can't believe this is a sentence that someone wrote in seriousness.

Carrion Luggage
Nov 24, 2006

Pick posted:

The old management was mean to my band!! :qq:

How can that not be more important than paying for cancer treatment?

see the trick to treating cancer is not working and letting others pay for it duh

Cough Drop The Beat
Jan 22, 2012

by Lowtax

54 40 or gently caress posted:

This is super long but can someone help me please understand wtf STBXH means? I'm also bolding the weirdest parts


Ohhhhj soon to be ex husband. Jesus gently caress

Yeah, she's the only reasonable one in this lovely situation. She has a delusional rear end in a top hat ex-husband who isn't getting the clue that their sham marriage has been long over. They're separated and she finally has a guy who cares about and respects her. Good for her. She should block that asshat everywhere and talk to him only through their lawyers. :sever: forever.

Tender Bender
Sep 17, 2004

My (35f) husband (37m) admitted he thinks he has feelings for a girl (22f) at his work place. I'm devastated. Please help me.

quote:

I'm seriously crying right now and can't seem to make myself stop. I really need advice from you guys. I'm a long time redditor in this sub on an alt account. And now I'm the one in need :(

I've been with David for 10 years, and we've been married for 6. We haven't ever had any issues, never fight, we are best friends. We love being together and he's always promised he wants to be with only me until we are crazy old. We are open about celebrity crushes and dumb things like that. But this in particular has me having panic attacks.

He started a new job a year and a half ago. And it's all been great, great money and everything. Seemed perfect. A new girl started working in the same place as him and it's caused him personal problems apparently.

So, on Saturday night we were hanging out as we usually do on our days off. And he got very serious and said he felt he needed to tell me something. So he told me he feels he's developing feelings for the new girl.

It broke my heart and it's completely shattered. I don't know what to do about this. He swore he won't cheat and didn't even consider it, he told me he had to tell me because he felt like he'd be lying or something if he didn't.


He told me he's already going to leave and get a job somewhere else.. And I don't even know. I thought we had the perfect marriage. I don't understand. It makes it worse that she's over 10 years younger than both of us. What do we do now?

Tl;dr; husband of 10 years admitted he thinks he's getting feelings for a girl at work. She's over 10years younger than me and I feel broken. What do I do?

Lmao what a loving dumbass.

WampaLord
Jan 14, 2010

Tender Bender posted:

My (35f) husband (37m) admitted he thinks he has feelings for a girl (22f) at his work place. I'm devastated. Please help me.

Lmao what a loving dumbass.

They both need to realize that the 22 year old he has a crush on isn't interested in a 37 year old married man at all.

ZombieJesus
Feb 26, 2005

He died for your sins, he rose for your BRAINS
Jesus Christ people are so sensitive, he's already said he won't do anything, will leave the job because of it, respects his wife and wants to just share what's on his mind. Would she honestly prefer he keeps his emotions hidden? That'd hardly be a healthy relationship.

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

WampaLord posted:

They both need to realize that the 22 year old he has a crush on isn't interested in a 37 year old married man at all.

I mean, let's be fair, his reaction to this revelation is "quit and get a new job somewhere else" instead of "attempt to open up the relationship because I'm pretty sure she digs me back"

gotta wonder why he told his wife about it though, just tell her you don't think you'll get promoted there and can get more money somewhere else and take the secret to your grave

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!
Oct 27, 2007

:slick: :slick: :slick: :slick:
My [24f] boyfriend [23m] found toilet paper on my labia while having sex and now won't have sex unless I clean myself and he inspects me first. I think this is unfair because he's refused to wash his penis before but he says it isn't because smegma is natural and toilet paper isn't.

quote:

We've been dating six months. When we first started having sex I asked him to wash once because it smelled really strong. He was really offended and lectured me about smegma. So now when it smells too much that it makes me gag I just won't blow him and we'll do something else. It annoys him but it grosses me out too much.

A few weeks ago during sex he noticed a very small piece of toilet paper rolled up between my inner and outer labia and completely overreacted. He kept saying it was gross and unhygienic and that I disgusted him. He insisted he had to take a shower and I was so embarrassed I just left. He sent me several texts where he said that he wouldn't have sex with me unless I cleaned myself with soap and he inspected me before anything happened. The thought of him looking at my labia with a light seems really demeaning and embarrassing and I don't want to do it. Remembering his reaction to being asked to wash his stink off WITHOUT inspection is really upsetting me. He doesn't see it as hypocritical because he thinks smegma is natural and healthy and toilet paper remains is just me being sloppy and dirty. I think that's ridiculous because yes dead skin and sweat is natural but people still shower it off. I told him I'll wash if he does but he's not inspecting me. He won't back down on inspection because he said I obviously don't know how to clean myself. He said if he doesn't find anything after a while we can stop but I don't want to do it even once. It's humiliating and the complete opposite of arousing.

TL;DR: boyfriend won't wash his dick but wants to inspect my labia to make sure I'm clean before sex. I don't think I can let him inspect me down there without feeling humiliated.

Tender Bender
Sep 17, 2004

ZombieJesus posted:

Jesus Christ people are so sensitive, he's already said he won't do anything, will leave the job because of it, respects his wife and wants to just share what's on his mind. Would she honestly prefer he keeps his emotions hidden? That'd hardly be a healthy relationship.

I mean yeah, you really don't need to tell your wife you think your younger coworker is hot, out of nowhere for no reason.

subhuman filth
Nov 1, 2006

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

My [24f] boyfriend [23m] found toilet paper on my labia while having sex and now won't have sex unless I clean myself and he inspects me first. I think this is unfair because he's refused to wash his penis before but he says it isn't because smegma is natural and toilet paper isn't.

This is giving me chills

boner confessor
Apr 25, 2013

by R. Guyovich
"honey, i just want you to know, in the interest of full disclosure and open communication: i think about nailing women much younger and more attractive than you constantly. out of respect for you and our relationship i would never do such a thing, but these fantasies have upset my life to the point that i'm going to have to switch jobs. just putting that out there"

Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

by Azathoth

boner confessor posted:

"honey, i just want you to know, in the interest of full disclosure and open communication: i think about nailing women much younger and more attractive than you constantly. out of respect for you and our relationship i would never do such a thing, but these fantasies have upset my life to the point that i'm going to have to switch jobs. just putting that out there"

Hmm when you put it that way it sounds really silly...

Benagain
Oct 10, 2007

Can you see that I am serious?
Fun Shoe

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

My [24f] boyfriend [23m] found toilet paper on my labia while having sex and now won't have sex unless I clean myself and he inspects me first. I think this is unfair because he's refused to wash his penis before but he says it isn't because smegma is natural and toilet paper isn't.

What in the everloving hell.

Fun fact though, Mao Zedong never washed his dick. He said he "washed himself in the bodies of his women" which is your second nightmare inducing image.

Cough Drop The Beat
Jan 22, 2012

by Lowtax

ZombieJesus posted:

Jesus Christ people are so sensitive, he's already said he won't do anything, will leave the job because of it, respects his wife and wants to just share what's on his mind. Would she honestly prefer he keeps his emotions hidden? That'd hardly be a healthy relationship.

It's called lying by omission to spare your partner's happiness. If OP's husband actually cares about her and considers her feelings important, he wouldn't tell her about some 22 year old girl he wants to bang. There's no reason to do that whatsoever, unless he's an ultra awkward idiot (bingo) or he's a jerk who wants to make her feel inadequate.

There's nothing wrong with harmless crushes. They're healthy, ordinary, and fine as long as you never act on them. But you never tell your partner. Nothing good will ever come of it. Just like a healthy relationship is about active communication, it's equally about not communicating meaningless, hurtful things to your SO for absolutely no reason.

Cough Drop The Beat fucked around with this message at 20:05 on Dec 20, 2016

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

Benagain posted:

What in the everloving hell.

Fun fact though, Mao Zedong never washed his dick. He said he "washed himself in the bodies of his women" which is your second nightmare inducing image.

ah, the "cast-iron skillet" style of penis maintenance

Demon Of The Fall
May 1, 2004

Nap Ghost

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

My [24f] boyfriend [23m] found toilet paper on my labia while having sex and now won't have sex unless I clean myself and he inspects me first. I think this is unfair because he's refused to wash his penis before but he says it isn't because smegma is natural and toilet paper isn't.

lol dump this stinky weirdo please lady

ZombieJesus
Feb 26, 2005

He died for your sins, he rose for your BRAINS

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

My [24f] boyfriend [23m] found toilet paper on my labia while having sex and now won't have sex unless I clean myself and he inspects me first. I think this is unfair because he's refused to wash his penis before but he says it isn't because smegma is natural and toilet paper isn't.

The smell in the room when these two go at it :whitewater:

ZombieJesus
Feb 26, 2005

He died for your sins, he rose for your BRAINS

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

It's called lying by omission to spare your partner's happiness. If OP's husband actually cares about her and considers her feelings important, he wouldn't tell her about some 22 year old girl he wants to bang. There's no reason to do that whatsoever, unless he's an ultra awkward idiot (bingo) or he's a jerk who wants to make her feel inadequate.

There's nothing wrong with harmless crushes. They're healthy, ordinary, and fine as long as you never act on them. But you never tell your partner. Nothing good will ever come of it. Just like a healthy relationship is about active communication, it's equally about not communicating meaningless, hurtful things to your SO for absolutely no reason.

Probably fair call. Still think she's overreacting a bit, but you're probably right

zakharov
Nov 30, 2002

:kimchi: Tater Love :kimchi:
And that's why every guy should be circumcised.

Well, see ya.

Blast of Confetti
Apr 21, 2008

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

zakharov posted:

And that's why every guy should be circumcised.

Well, see ya.

what kind of mongoloid isn't circumcised

SirSamVimes
Jul 21, 2008

~* Challenge *~


What have you dooone

Cough Drop The Beat
Jan 22, 2012

by Lowtax

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

My [24f] boyfriend [23m] found toilet paper on my labia while having sex and now won't have sex unless I clean myself and he inspects me first. I think this is unfair because he's refused to wash his penis before but he says it isn't because smegma is natural and toilet paper isn't.

Pretty sure this ranks up there in the most bizarre posts ever dumped in this thread. :dogbutton:

Cough Drop The Beat fucked around with this message at 20:07 on Dec 20, 2016

Khorne
May 1, 2002

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

It's called lying by omission to spare your partner's happiness. If OP's husband actually cares about her and considers her feelings important, he wouldn't tell her about some 22 year old girl he wants to bang. There's no reason to do that whatsoever, unless he's an ultra awkward idiot (bingo) or he's a jerk who wants to make her feel inadequate.

There's nothing wrong with harmless crushes. They're healthy, ordinary, and fine as long as you never act on them. But you never tell your partner. Nothing good will ever come of it. Just like a healthy relationship is about active communication, it's equally about not communicating meaningless, hurtful things to your SO for absolutely no reason.
It should be no big deal to discuss something like that. I could not date an emotional child like that woman.

Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

by Azathoth

Khorne posted:

It should be no big deal to discuss something like that. I could not date an emotional child like that woman.

They are both emotional children or just devout or something. She shouldn't have a big problem but also he shouldn't be driven to find another job over it I mean good lord.

MF_James
May 8, 2008
I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE

Dude should apparently be happy he's getting sex considering he does not know how to wash his junk

Agentdark
Dec 30, 2007
Mom says I'm the best painter she's ever seen. Jealous much? :hehe:

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

My [24f] boyfriend [23m] found toilet paper on my labia while having sex and now won't have sex unless I clean myself and he inspects me first. I think this is unfair because he's refused to wash his penis before but he says it isn't because smegma is natural and toilet paper isn't.

Boyfriend is gross. Really, really gross.

boner confessor
Apr 25, 2013

by R. Guyovich

Khorne posted:

It should be no big deal to discuss something like that. I could not date an emotional child like that woman.

there's no real discussion to be had, there's just one partner dumping their feelings on the other partner, who then just has to deal with it one way or another. better to just keep your mouth shut. open communication is one thing, emotional abuse is another

forbidden dialectics
Jul 26, 2005





Sure, smegma is totally natch, just like infected toenails and tooth decay.

Lunchmeat Larry
Nov 3, 2012

i luv 2 smeg

Demon Of The Fall
May 1, 2004

Nap Ghost

Khorne posted:

It should be no big deal to discuss something like that. I could not date an emotional child like that woman.

lol have you never dated a woman? if you can find one that doesn't care when you tell them you fantasize about other women then you've hit the jackpot

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

Chomp8645 posted:

They are both emotional children or just devout or something. She shouldn't have a big problem but also he shouldn't be driven to find another job over it I mean good lord.

yeah another thing is that at 37 years old you shouldn't be developing such a strong fixation on your 22-year-old coworker that you have to quit your job over it, but if you take that part as a given, quitting his job is better than torpedoing his marriage (although by telling his wife he might be doing both)

Cough Drop The Beat
Jan 22, 2012

by Lowtax

Khorne posted:

It should be no big deal to discuss something like that. I could not date an emotional child like that woman.

I don't understand how "Hey honey, I'm madly obsessed with this 22 year old girl at work, but it's okay because I'm quitting my job to get away from her and not cheat on you!" is a discussion.

Cough Drop The Beat fucked around with this message at 20:24 on Dec 20, 2016

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Khorne
May 1, 2002

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

I don't understand how "Hey honey, I'm madly obsessed with this 22 year old girl at work, but it's okay because I'm quitting my job to get away from her and not cheat on you!" is a discussion.
I kind of missed the quitting the job part. He also brought it up in a ridiculously dramatic way.

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