/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

That's just an abusive rear end in a top hat who was triggered by a weird thing.

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:09

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# ? Jun 12, 2024 21:04

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

I can sort of understand the mindset of incels when I read about that dude getting laid on the reg. In a just world, that woman (nor any other woman) would never have sex with that guy again.

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:09

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

sout posted:

Nerds talking about "logic" is a pretty big red flag, right?
insofar as it suggests that they might, in fact, have a reddit account.

I would say so. Especially because he's using it in concert with crazy condescending "do you understand??" poo poo.

Gives me Jack Nicholson in The Shining vibes.

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:09

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

My (24F) boyfriend (24M) did something that I think is lovely and I need a second opinion.

"Sure he's an unstoppable source of toxic miasma, gets mad enough to destroy his phone when people fart near him, and says stuff like "I have to put stuff in you", but maybe I'm the one overreacting"

Lady you need a restraining order, like, yesterday.

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:10

taint toucher: Sep 23, 2004

Antivehicular posted:

"it's different, I have to put stuff in you, you don't have to put stuff in me."

Jesus Christ

I'm so sick of you not understanding logic!

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:11

Personal Lucubrant: Oct 18, 2016; Just thinking about what to do with all the money I don't have.

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

My (24F) boyfriend (24M) did something that I think is lovely and I need a second opinion.

No, see, it's about men and women and sexual attraction.

Obviously women don't fart. Only men fart, everyone knows this. It's just logic.

I'm a straight man, and since only men fart, if you fart it makes me feel gay. I'm not gay, so you can't fart.

It's about men and women and sexual attraction. And logic.

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:11

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Sometimes a guy wants to fart on a peeing lady without having to pay a ton of cash. Is that a crime? If so, could you specify by which city, county or state and the potential fines and jail time involved? Uh, need to know for a friend.

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:11

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Leon Einstein posted:

I can sort of understand the mindset of incels when I read about that dude getting laid on the reg. In a just world, that woman (nor any other woman) would never have sex with that guy again.

Though you're under the assumption that they don't agree that a lady is not allowed to fart on her man, for she does not put things "inside him", as bertrand russel would say

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:12

Oscar Wild: Apr 11, 2006; It's good to be a G

Lots of logic denial in this thread. Let me put something into you.

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:13

sout: Apr 24, 2014

Pearnicious posted:

No, see, it's about men and women and sexual attraction.

Obviously women don't fart. Only men fart, everyone knows this. It's just logic.

I'm a straight man, and since only men fart, if you fart it makes me feel gay. I'm not gay, so you can't fart.

It's about men and women and sexual attraction. And logic.

Yeah I hate this bit too: it's not "I find this really unattractive" it's "men are supposed to find this unattractive, and I am a man. Something something :biotruths:

" maybe I'm extrapolating here

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:13

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

My (24f) boyfriend (24m) wants me to lie and say it was me driving my car when actually it was him who had a single car accident. If it's proven it's him he will probably lose his car insurance. I want to help him but don't know what to do.

quote:

Earlier this morning we were coming back from a party in my car and my boyfriend was speeding and absolutely plowed into cars parked on the street in front of a donut shop. My car is totaled and the other two cars probably are as well. The cops showed up in record time and while we were separated he told them it was me who was driving. The donut shop apparently had video and caught whole thing and they told him that the video seemed to show him driving but it wasn't clear so they would take his word for it.
The cops then wrote me 3 tickets for speeding, losing control of a vehicle and wreck less driving. I was so in shock that I didn't even know what to say and I just signed the tickets. We got an uber home and got in a huge fight and I was just exasperated that he would do this to me. He reminded me that if he took credit for the accident , he would lose his job and his car insurance would be unaffordable so he couldn't get to work anyways. I said well my car is gone and my rates are going to sky rocket. He promised he would help me buy a new car and also help with my increased insurance rates.
The accident was about 6 hours ago now and I still haven't called my insurance company to report the accident. Of course the other two people who had cars totaled probably have called, thus my insurance probably already thinks i caused the accident and are looking to destroy my rates going forward.
I'm so angry, I have no idea what to even do. I don't want my BF to lose his job but I don't want to be screwed because he was driving like an rear end in a top hat. I would love any advice.
tl;dr: boyfriend got in an accident and blamed it on me and thus I got three tickets and my car is totaled. He's promising to pay me back but I'm so livid I can hardly see strait.

Edit and update, sorry this is so long;
So basically at the advice of this thread I stopped posting and called my mom and dad (who I really hadn't spoken to since I moved in with BF) and said I was leaving him, I was scared and begged to be picked up (this was about 1:30am). They said they would be over right away. I had locked myself in the bathroom and my BF must of heard me making the call because he started trying to beat the door down and I was terrified. When the door didn't go down easy I could hear him smashing things out in the living room of the apartment and kitchen. I stayed on the phone with my mom while my dad called 911 on his phone. I stayed locked in the bathroom and he occasionally would try to break the door down and again. All this time I was crying and so freaking scared and he was screaming and calling me every name in the book. We have neighbors with kids and I heard the kids wake up and start crying and then I'm pretty sure I heard one of the dads beating on our front door telling BF to shut up.
Cops showed up just before my parents and immediately put him in hand cuffs and put him on the couch. And started taking statements from me and the neighbors. I came out of the bathroom and he looked like a raging, chained up psychopath. Everything, and I mean everything in our apartment is destroyed. Walls, plates, pictures, TV, xbox, ironing board, chairs...my clothes were thrown over the balcony, my make up was smashed against the wall and stuffed animals I was given as a baby were ripped apart. I have no idea how long it was but it was crazy he did so much damage in such a short period of time.
My dad and my mom showed up and my mom started balling because she hadn't seen me in so long and my dad looked like he wanted to kill my BF but with the police there he composed himself really well. We had to stay during the time the police took everyone's statement. It was clear he was going to be arrested for a ton of stuff. I started telling them what caused all this and the story from earlier in the morning, so the officer asked me to get the tickets and it turns out the officer who wrote the tickets this morning is the guy from the night incidents direct supervisor. So they are going to talk today and if need be, maybe go back to the donut place and look at the footage. Then the worst thing of all happened, my mom was standing sort of by the door as they were taking BF out in handcuffs my mom gave him a really nasty look and he said something like "if she goes home with you, you'll just have another who blows her brains out." (my older brother committed suicide when he was 17 and I was 10--my mom has never gotten over it--neither have I really) and my mom reached out and slapped him as hard as she possibly could. So then the police had no choice but to arrest her as well. They were nice about it and loosely handcuffed her and took her to one of the squad cars.
So I got dressed and tried to pack up and salvage whatever I could while my dad went down to bail out my mom. One of the three police stayed in the parking lot in his car just in case any of BFs boys showed up while I got what I could.
My mom was in and out pretty quickly and is facing a misdemeanor battery charge which will probably go nowhere. But as you can imagine while my parents were very happy to get me, they were extremely pissed at what had transpired not only yesterday but the last six months or so. I have a very long road ahead to repair the relationship with them.
My dad has been mostly silent but he did take me to the family attorney so he could start working on the stuff from the accident. He said it shouldn't be too hard to get me out of the tickets and women (especially) take the fall for husbands/boyfriends accidents way more often that you would think. I will probably still have to show up for court but by that time the investigation to show my BF was the one really driving should be concluded and I will be dismissed. However, the thing that REALLY sucks is that my state is a "permissive use" state meaning that my insurance has to cover anyone who is driving my car. There is a good chance that my insurance company will fight it out with his company for overall liability and it won't be as bad, but I'm still going to take a massive hit on car insurance premiums for a long time.
Another good thing is the lease to the apartment is totally in his name so I won't be responsible for any damages there (plus I didn't do anything to put holes in walls) and I can just walk away from that. This whole thing sucks so much because even after all that happened and as crazy as he was, I know I still have feelings for him that I need to get in serious therapy right away to start dealing with. I can't have someone so destructive in my life who was willing to let me take the fall for all his crap and then scared the life out of me and threatened me.
tl;dr: on way to resolving issue of my BF wanting me to take the fall for his car accident yesterday. In the process he was arrested, destroyed the apartment and most of my things and then my mom was arrested for slapping him. I'm out, have talked to an attorney and its time to try and rebuild from here.

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:13

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Also, I would have sympathy for "I don't want to be farted on" if this dude weren't deliberately farting on his girlfriend all the drat time. When he talks about "men and women and sexual attraction," does he think women are cool with being farted on? Or, like... into being farted on? The mind boggles.

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:13

Pretty good: Apr 16, 2007

Sounds like the only thing that can salvage that relationship is a strapon ultimatum

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:16

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Antivehicular posted:

Also, I would have sympathy for "I don't want to be farted on" if this dude weren't deliberately farting on his girlfriend all the drat time. When he talks about "men and women and sexual attraction," does he think women are cool with being farted on? Or, like... into being farted on? The mind boggles.

Especially when she's taking a piss? It seems to be some sort of hosed up dominance move, and he can't stand the idea she'd fart back, at the man

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:17

Pretty good: Apr 16, 2007

That was about logician fartman, drat this thread is fast.

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:17

ThePeavstenator: Dec 18, 2012; Establish the Buns

Charles Get-Out posted:

My (24f) boyfriend (24m) wants me to lie and say it was me driving my car when actually it was him who had a single car accident. If it's proven it's him he will probably lose his car insurance. I want to help him but don't know what to do.

I feel like some version of this scenario gets posted at least once a month.

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:18

well why not: Feb 10, 2009

Pick posted:

Especially when she's taking a piss? It seems to be some sort of hosed up dominance move, and he can't stand the idea she'd fart back, at the man

this is almost certainly the key. all the 'put stuff in you' stuff is festering, poorly explained 'i need to dominate you, be it with my doodle or my fartweapon'

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:18

stump collector: May 28, 2007

Charles Get-Out posted:

My co-worker is one, he got me to do the "find your Harry Potter house" thing and went bugeyed and audibly gasped when I got Slytherin. He also threw his hands up in the air and squealed when he got Griffindor.

He also has a huge preoccupation with Disney, a severe mom complex, and a coke problem. I'm guessing it's all tied together.

lmao

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:19

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Charles Get-Out posted:

My (24f) boyfriend (24m) wants me to lie and say it was me driving my car when actually it was him who had a single car accident. If it's proven it's him he will probably lose his car insurance. I want to help him but don't know what to do.

They'll be married in six months.

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:20

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Charles Get-Out posted:

My (24f) boyfriend (24m) wants me to lie and say it was me driving my car when actually it was him who had a single car accident. If it's proven it's him he will probably lose his car insurance. I want to help him but don't know what to do.

sigh

a lot of the updates go this way. Remember the woman who got raped for serving vegetables?

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:20

Moon Atari: Dec 26, 2010

She challenged his dominance by farting on him with a force he knows he can't match. He is upset because he knows she will soon be claiming her rightful position as the one that puts stuff in.

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:21

Oscar Wild: Apr 11, 2006; It's good to be a G

r/relationships: Men with bad judgement and the women who put up with them.

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:21

Personal Lucubrant: Oct 18, 2016; Just thinking about what to do with all the money I don't have.

Charles Get-Out posted:

My (24f) boyfriend (24m) wants me to lie and say it was me driving my car when actually it was him who had a single car accident. If it's proven it's him he will probably lose his car insurance. I want to help him but don't know what to do.

quote:

even after all that happened and as crazy as he was, I know I still have feelings for him that I need to get in serious therapy right away to start dealing with.

Yeah, therapy would probably be a good idea...but it sounds like he needs it more than you. This is one thing I've never understood about people in abusive relationships. Even when the poo poo hits the fan they want to stay in the relationship. At least this girl knows she needs to get away, but yeesh. Hope that dude is financially hosed for a long time, what a dipshit.

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:26

purple death ray: Jul 28, 2007; me omw 2 steal ur girl

Just lol if you're a dude and you never have your gf put things in you

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:27

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

an illogical chad might let a woman fart on him

he just doesn't respect women, and how their natural gasses need to be controlled

??

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:31

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

Pick posted:

sigh

a lot of the updates go this way. Remember the woman who got raped for serving vegetables?

At first I thought you were talking about the force-feeding chicken story and was trying to recall, and then I remembered the other separate story you're actually talking about. So yeah, gently caress. :smith:

Pearnicious posted:

Yeah, therapy would probably be a good idea...but it sounds like he needs it more than you. This is one thing I've never understood about people in abusive relationships. Even when the poo poo hits the fan they want to stay in the relationship. At least this girl knows she needs to get away, but yeesh. Hope that dude is financially hosed for a long time, what a dipshit.

That's the devil of these. I sympathize a lot as I got too serious with someone last year that didn't deserve it and it took me way too long to leave; it's hard to un-invest.

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:32

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Abusive relationships also generally involve the abuser fostering dependence (emotional and/or financial) and isolation in the abused partner. Often people who want to leave are deprived of the resources to do so. I hope she can build her support network back up; therapy seems like a good first step for processing this stuff.

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:36

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

One of the few times I wish the story was way longer.

Me [21 F] with my husband [23 M] 1 year merried, Chicken farm in our house

quote:

Hello guys! I really need help... My husband is playing Minecraft so much that decided to make a real chicken farm in our own house like in his house in minecraft! This is freaking crazy, please give me advice on how to tell him politely to destroy it immediately!
tl;dr: There is a real chicken farm in my own house!

quote:

Well there are flying (actually trying to fly...) animals that are so noisy and making troubles all over the house!?!?

Also probably a fake, but one can dream.

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:37

Personal Lucubrant: Oct 18, 2016; Just thinking about what to do with all the money I don't have.

Charles Get-Out posted:

That's the devil of these. I sympathize a lot as I got too serious with someone last year that didn't deserve it and it took me way too long to leave; it's hard to un-invest.

The sad part about this is most likely that dude didn't learn anything from this. 5 years from now he'll probably look back on this as "that time my ex girlfriend hosed me over", not accepting the fact that it was all his fault and her property he destroyed.

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:38

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

Charles Get-Out posted:

One of the few times I wish the story was way longer.

Me [21 F] with my husband [23 M] 1 year merried, Chicken farm in our house

Also probably a fake, but one can dream.

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:40

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

Me [34M] with my girlfriend [29F], she brings baked goods to guys in my office.

quote:

I�ve been with my girlfriend for 2 years now. She is wonderful, funny, sweet, etc. Everything is going great other than this little hiccup. She bakes a LOT � she�s not a pro, she doesn�t really decorate stuff, she just likes doing it as a hobby. When we started dating she would occasionally bring me baked goods at work. Of course, my coworkers noticed and would want to try things and because my girlfriend is amazing at it, they gushed over her food.

So she started baking things for other coworkers. I have sort of a �work wife' my cubicle mate, we�ll call Becky. Becky was a big fan of my girlfriend�s brownies so one weekend I asked if she could bake brownies for me to bring to Becky. My girlfriend wasn�t pleased, we fought about it all weekend, she threw a muffin tin at my head.

After that is when the problems started. My girlfriend started being more chatty with the guys in my office, and asking them what they would prefer she bake. And she started baking stuff for them, and bringing them stuff in. Most of the guys are married but a few aren�t and now they�re talking about my girlfriend brazenly in front of me, how nice she is, how she�s a great baker, how lucky I am to have her. She has completely stopped baking things that I liked and just bakes things for the other guys. I�m not sure I have a leg to stand on because she�s not my personal chef, I can�t demand she bake me things. But I�d prefer she not bake for other men, you know? How can I address this rationally with her without seeming controlling?

TLDR; My girlfriend has started baking exclusively for the guys in my office, can I ask her to stop without being controlling?

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:42

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

It is pretty weird to only bake for the dudes and not the women in the office. Where's the loving solidarity, lady??

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:44

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Pick posted:

It is pretty weird to only bake for the dudes and not the women in the office. Where's the loving solidarity, lady??

Did you miss that he asked her to bake poo poo for his "work wife" first?

She's probably trying to give him a taste of his own medicine, make him see how it feels.

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:48

Personal Lucubrant: Oct 18, 2016; Just thinking about what to do with all the money I don't have.

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

Me [34M] with my girlfriend [29F], she brings baked goods to guys in my office.

Why are you complaining about something that is awesome? Even other people in the office tell you how awesome it is. Your girlfriend is awesome. Unless she is flirting and going on dates with the single dudes in your office just let her keep baking and enjoy the hell out of it!

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:48

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

Me [34M] with my girlfriend [29F], she brings baked goods to guys in my office.

He's a dumbass for using terms like "work wife", she's petty as hell, at least the coworkers are coming out ahead in the pettiest relationship squabble ever

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:51

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

Me [34M] with my girlfriend [29F], she brings baked goods to guys in my office.

Both these people are petty. They deserve each other.

# ? Dec 21, 2016 17:52

Themata: Dec 10, 2011; If you want a pizza this pie
You can crust that
I won't cheese on you
Dance on the groove flour
And I'll give you a disco-unt

Pearnicious posted:

Why are you complaining about something that is awesome? Even other people in the office tell you how awesome it is. Your girlfriend is awesome. Unless she is flirting and going on dates with the single dudes in your office just let her keep baking and enjoy the hell out of it!

Don't you get it? They're not just talking about how awesome she is, they're brazen about it!

At this rate, she's gonna bake them all Brazen Raisin Craisin Muffins and it's only gonna get worse from there.

# ? Dec 21, 2016 18:01

Personal Lucubrant: Oct 18, 2016; Just thinking about what to do with all the money I don't have.

Themata posted:

Don't you get it? They're not just talking about how awesome she is, they're brazen about it!

At this rate, she's gonna bake them all Brazen Raisin Craisin Muffins and it's only gonna get worse from there.

Literally 1 step away from having a massive orgy with all the dudes he works with. Probably even the married ones.

# ? Dec 21, 2016 18:04

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Me (24M) married for 5 months to my wife (21F) She keeps pressuring for more sex and I think she's a sex addict. Every argument starts or ends with sex.

Spoiler alert, she is not a sex addict, he is weird. Bolding mine.

quote:

We chose not to sleep with each other before marriage and be each other's first on our wedding night.

She never kept it a secret that she had a massive sex drive, she was always pushing to make out, told me she averaged masturbating twice a day, and discussed some expectations. I was excited too, but I don't know, I've never been out of control desperate to have sex. I thought I might want it a lot more once I had sex. After having it I think I was right not to buy into the hype around sex. I like it and it's okay but not much better than masturbating.

We get along perfectly outside of the bedroom but we're complete opposites in bed. I can take it or leave it when it comes to sex but she wants to be more adventurous and have more sex. She asks 1-2 times a day, but 1-3 times a week is more my speed. I have a sensitive gag reflex and can't do oral or french kissing. She really wants me to keep trying to get over it and at least learn to french kiss. I know I should feel lucky to have a wife that is cool with giving BJs but I honestly like vaginal much better and she doesn't accept that that's all I'm into. She thinks there's some trick that will make me want sex all the time.

Every fight is centered around sex and I'm tired of not being enough for her. It's unhealthy how obsessed she is with sex. She's afraid I don't think she's hot, she is, or that I'm gay, I'm not. She makes me feel like I'm wrong to not want sex and blames me for not trying. That since I'm a guy I'm supposed to be the horny one. I'm trying but it's hard to be enthusiastic when she gets so emotionally invested in whether we're making progress towards a perfect sex life. A month after getting married she asked me if I thought maybe God was trying to teach her a lesson about being less dependant on sex because the only other option was that God didn't care enough to warn us that we were sexually incompatible. It really hurt to realize that she thinks of me as a punishment. Now at 5 months in, she's pregnant, depressed, and abandoning our shared religion. She has decided that there probably isn't a God and our church is false. All over sex.

I want her to see that she's spiraling and depressed. She needs to go to counseling and we need to fix our incompatibly before it completely ruins our marriage. I've tried to be more into sex but 1-2 times a week is plenty for me and she gets offended when she senses I'm not really into sex. I'm bad at faking. I've tried to keep up and have sex 5-7 times a week but even then she's not satisfied because kissing her neck for foreplay isn't enough, I need to do more, to like it more, etc.

She was discussing divorce as an option because she thought it would be easier than working out our differences and that I shouldn't have to stayed married to her since she changed her mind about our religion. Which is crazy talk, I still love her and I'm sure she's going through a phase and will attend church with me again someday. Since getting pregnant she's softened her push on divorce and is going to stay to try and work it out. She still checks with me about whether I want to stay married and the answer is still yes. It seems like she wants to protect us from a difficult marriage and future together or maybe she decided she doesn't love me now that sex has entered our relationship.

What do I do? I want her to be happy and for us to happy.

TL:DR - Sex isn't great. I don't recognize my wife anymore. Our whole marriage is falling apart over sexual differences and neither of us seems able to compromise far enough for the other. I love her and I don't want to divorce her, but I'm afraid she doesn't feel the same. She says that divorce crossed her mind before she was pregnant because I deserve someone more religiously compatible and she deserves someone more sexually compatible. I think we can work this out.

What kind of gag reflex prevents cunnilingus and kissing?

# ? Dec 21, 2016 18:10

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# ? Jun 12, 2024 21:04

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

WampaLord posted:

What kind of gag reflex prevents cunnilingus and kissing?

I have the same thing, actually. It's triggered by sticking my tongue out for too long. Doesn't prevent kissing, though.

# ? Dec 21, 2016 18:12

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