/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Pretty good: Apr 16, 2007

A misanthrope posted:

what is this thread about

why is it 315 pages

Berth Ell Pup. Berth Ell mouth on the loving Pup.

# ? Dec 31, 2016 18:56

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# ? May 9, 2024 08:21

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

if you have to ask...

quote:

[24M] The woman I'm dating [21] told me her mother [55] has cancer. Would be weird/creepy to write a poem about it and give it to her?[new]
submitted 5 hours ago * by Quickquestionpoem
We've been on three dates this month, plus she came to my apartment for Christmas dinner with my friends (she didn't stay the night). We both really like each other and she knows I write poetry and has read poems I've written. Yesterday, she told me her mother has cancer and needs to go to the other side of the country for surgery.
I've never written poetry for someone else, and I haven't dated in a while, so just some thoughts would be helpful.
Thanks,
Throwaway.
TL;DR Dating a women who said her mother has cancer. Would it be okay or not okay to write a poem and give it to her (the woman I'm dating)?

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:01

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

quote:

My [24F] coworker [30-35M] makes me uncomfortable and I can't seem to find an appropriate time to tell him to stop.Non-Romantic
submitted 6 hours ago by 1888bigelow
tl;dr: coworker keeps trying to talk to me about sex and porn. I don't like it at all, and want him to stop. I feel like it's bordering on sexual harassment. But I feel like I can't tell him to stop without sounding crazy.
Hey folks.
So, I've been at this company for maybe a year and a half. I love working here, and usually don't have problems with coworkers. I work 12hr overnight shifts. During my shift, my coworker (Randy) comes in for his 8hr overnight. His shift begins and ends within the hours I work. During this time, we're the only two people on property.
Here's the things that have me on edge:
Him talking about an "spicy" latina woman (his words) at a company we work with who he wants to get with. He follows his statement up with, "All the hot women work at night, am I right, unlawfulteeth?" This makes me doubly uncomfortable because I'm latina, and I'm wondering if this is some kind of fetish thing.
The way he talks about one of my coworkers and her body is gross. He says things like, "She dresses like that because she wants people to look at her." Um. She dresses business casual, just like the rest of the women here.
He constantly asks me if I have "someone special" in my life and won't let up. I don't like to talk about my personal life and it's not his business.
He wants everyone in the building (me) to know that he's trying to get laid this year.
Overheard him joking to a driver that he "forgets" to hand me papers to be printed so he has longer to watch my rear end as I take a second trip.
He sat in my office (which is fine, I don't mind) and messed around with his phone. He started talking about movies he liked. Then asked me if I liked porn. Wtf?? I said no, and I've been short with him ever since.
Says my voice on the intercom sounds sexy.
He also continually stares at my breasts. I don't have particularly large breasts, and I'm not dressed provocatively. But for whatever reason, this guy can only make eye contact with where he thinks my nipples are.
He constantly wants to talk to me. He brings up the guy he came in to replace-- who I liked quite a bit, who didn't talk to me this gross way-- as though he's jealous that I preferred him, and constantly asks what we talked about. When I say we didn't talk (because we didn't and my office isn't a loving social club) he gets pouty.
Ok, I think that pretty much outlines everything. Some of this stuff is just implication so I'm not even sure how to bring it up. Another coworker who no longer works here did similar things and just played dumb when i asked him to stop. i don't know if I want to bring this up to HR because I don't want them to think I'm a problem.
I can't think of any of my behaviors that would encourage this from Randy. I have a lot of work and I mostly just focus on that. When I talk to people, it's with curt politeness. I don't understand! I don't get why people want to talk to me like this.
Also, for what it's worth, I'm a lesbian. I'm not out at work because it's not their loving business. I don't want to bring it up, because literally the next thing to come out of a dude's mouth when they know you're a lesbian is something about porn. Literally every time. Or asking if I'll be their wing-woman.
Anyway, how do I bring this up with him/my manager/HR in a way that'll bring me results?

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:03

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

quote:

Me [27F] with my boyfriend [24 M] 4 years, considering breaking up because of lack of communication and intimacyRelationships
submitted an hour ago by wantmorethanthis89
Sorry - this is kinda long!

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, lived together for 3. We started out as friends when we first met, which was a few months prior to entering the relationship. I wasn�t head over heels - he pursued me - but I grew to love him and overall our relationship has been a very steady, stabile and comfortable one. However, I have been having doubts for the last 3 months concerning whether or not this relationship is what I want. I am starting to think the stability and apparent steadiness might stem from a lack of open and honest communication between us. Also, I have had some issues about our sex life before and they have popped up again recently.
He is an all round good guy, sweet and funny and good looking, takes care of a lot around the house and says he loves me, and is always happy to see me. He has a lovely family and we have a lot of mutual friends and own a home together. And I used to be happy with him.

The main concerns I have are the following:

Sex life: After living together for about a year I started noticing that when I initiated I would get turned down. I eventually stepped back from initiating a little because I felt rejected. He still rejects me and sex is when he initiates only. I came home from spending christmas with my family, one week separation, and tried to initiate the night I came home. I wasnt allowed so much as to touch him. What he does is he pushes me away or says that I am tickeling him. This happens a lot. When he initiates, he will offer little to no foreplay. He might try to get me off afterwards - which is good - but if Im taking too long he will be impatient and it doesnt feel like he is enjoying touching me. He never goes down on me. And this morning he even told me to be more quiet just as I was climaxing which resulted in me losing my orgasm. He is not rough with me or anything - the sex just isnt good for me, and I feel like our different views or approaches to sex limits my full expression. I have always been a very sensual and sexual person, and I think sex is fun. I dont think he feels that way. Also, I am his first sexual partner and girlfriend ever. I have had several longer and shorter relationships.
Kissing and intimacy: I love kissing. He pecks me but doesnt want to kiss me with tongue. I have hinted to it during the past year. Said things like �we should kiss more� � I love when you kiss me� and the like. It didnt help, so a few weeks ago I asked him directly. He said he just doesnt like it. I said it was very important to me to kiss (we dont even kiss during sex). There was no change so after a few days I talked to him again and explained how important it is to me. I was surprised when he said he would think about it, and the next day there was actually kissing! I was so happy and it felt like a breakthrough. But after that, no kisses. Even after spending the week apart there are no kisses. He pecks me, then turns away. It makes me feel super weird and unattractive, and I feel like I am missing out on intimacy.

Lack of communication: I am aware that communication is a two way street so during the past few months I have tried to ask more questions to him as well as opening up more myself, and I dont feel like we are on wavelength at all. It is starting to dawn on me that maybe the reason why I haven�t opened up about difficult issues to him or confided in him is because he doesn�t know how to respond. I have been in a short but very abusive relationship in the past, and it is starting to pop up in my mind lately. I feel like there is some work around it that needs to be done. So trying to let him in on my thoughts, I opened up today. We haven�t spoken of my abusive relationship since before we started dating. So I told him about my thoughts on it I have been having and how it is popping up again, and he had no response. While I was talking, he was humming, and he had no questions. Didn�t look me in the eyes to see how I was doing. Said �you already told me about this�. When I was done talking, he took his phone out and called his parents to chat. I know that this is a hard topic, but I would want a partner who was able to recognize my attempt at sharing a difficult issue and who could see my need for comfort or at advice. I havent talked about this in a long time so I have in no way been using him as a therapist or anything like that.

I feel like I have ignored these issues for a long time but am getting to a point were peace and quiet isnt enough anymore, I want a partner I can communicate with and connect with. I want to talk about other things than him and his interests or �fun� things. Is he just immature? Or am I the problem?

Is there something I can do to help us move forward? Or is this going to fail? Im going back and forth in my head about whether to break up or not. Is it just a rough patch?
tl;dr: My boyfriend and I have both intimacy/sex and communication issues in my opinion, any advice on whether to stay or go?

If only this checked a number of hugely indicative boxes...

Pick fucked around with this message at 19:20 on Dec 31, 2016

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:06

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

Pick posted:

if you have to ask...

The best poets/writers are usually total creeps with little social skills so this could be the start of a beautiful career

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:08

Malkof: Oct 13, 2001; Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

A misanthrope posted:

one time i dated a girl who cheated on me with scott weiland. she told me he had yellow cum.

that's my only good relationship story thnk you for listening.

Former friend was in an "open" relationship with his then wife about 15 years ago. Long story short the wife hosed the lead singer of Type O Negative and he gave her herpes. Oddly their marriage didn't last!

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:09

Tolkien minority: Feb 14, 2012

54 40 or gently caress posted:

Dad pedo so what

And a devoted catholic to boot of course.

if watching "barely legal" porn makes u a pedo than like half of the males in the world r pedos lol

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:10

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

Pick posted:

If only this checked a number of hugely indicative boxes...

as a goon I don't get it, what do you mean is the problem? seems like the guy doesn't give a gently caress or is tired or she is too clingy I don't understand human emotion

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:12

a misanthrope: Jun 21, 2010

Malkof posted:

Former friend was in an "open" relationship with his then wife about 15 years ago. Long story short the wife hosed the lead singer of Type O Negative and he gave her herpes. Oddly their marriage didn't last!

they need a part in sex ed that teaches kids about not loving girls who gently caress musicians. that poo poo is deadly.

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:12

Stunt_enby: Feb 6, 2010; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Tolkien minority posted:

if watching "barely legal" porn makes u a pedo than like half of the males in the world r pedos lol

well yes, this post is entirely correct, but that doesn't mean it's something you should support or accept as the norm

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:15

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Tolkien minority posted:

if watching "barely legal" porn makes u a pedo than like half of the males in the world r pedos lol

35 yo woman in makeup and lighting to appear much younger dons pigtails and a hyper-sexualized Catholic schoolgirl uniform, and speaks in falsetto to the camera. "I'm Chris Hansen, why don't you take a seat and tell me why you're watching this video?"

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:16

SIDS Vicious: Jan 1, 1970

Tolkien minority posted:

if watching "barely legal" porn makes u a pedo than like half of the males in the world r pedos lol

if you think girls aged 15 are barely legal you are a pedophile, read the loving post retard

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:17

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Tolkien minority posted:

if watching "barely legal" porn makes u a pedo than like half of the males in the world r pedos lol

If 15 is acceptable to you then maybe consider that you are a tremendous retard

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:18

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Ranma Fan Art posted:

if you think girls aged 15 are barely legal you are a pedophile, read the loving post retard

maybe he lives in Saudi arabia

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:24

SIDS Vicious: Jan 1, 1970

Rutibex posted:

maybe he lives in Saudi arabia

that doesn't really change things except culturally I guess

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:24

Andrast: Apr 21, 2010

How did the person in the post know those people are 15?

Th porn was most likely just normal (but still creepy) porn with women who just look really young in the film. Still not something I'd like to know about my dad though.

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:25

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Comfy Fleece Sweater posted:

as a goon I don't get it, what do you mean is the problem? seems like the guy doesn't give a gently caress or is tired or she is too clingy I don't understand human emotion

: He sexually abused me, I felt worthless... there were days I wanted to die.
:geno:

: *A shop doppa woo ba, a dop dang day, tutti fruity, a rooty, tutti fruuuity, a rooty*

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:26

SIDS Vicious: Jan 1, 1970

Andrast posted:

How did the person in the post know those people are 15?

Th porn was most likely just normal (but still creepy) porn with women who just look really young in the film. Still not something I'd like to know about my dad though.

she specifically said she saw file names Holy poo poo is reading comprehension really so far beyond goons

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:26

Andrast: Apr 21, 2010

Ranma Fan Art posted:

she specifically said she saw file names Holy poo poo is reading comprehension really so far beyond goons

Holy poo poo porn video names do not depict reality of the video. Have you literally never watched porn on the Internet or something?

Andrast fucked around with this message at 19:35 on Dec 31, 2016

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:28

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Ranma Fan Art posted:

she specifically said she saw file names Holy poo poo is reading comprehension really so far beyond goons

they were urls in his history right? Probably safe to say if it wasn't through tor then it was just generic porn site "Teen" stuff where the actresses are all in their 20s, I recall pornhub or something posted an infograph of most popular search terms by state and teen was up there pretty much across the country.

Certainly a weird thing to know about your dad but the guy is in fact probably not a closet pedo.

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:30

SIDS Vicious: Jan 1, 1970

Andrast posted:

Holy poo poo porn video names do not depict reality of the video. Have you literally never watched porn on the Internet or something?

ive definitely never looked for porn videos with "15 year old girl" in the title that's for loving sure!

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:30

Andrast: Apr 21, 2010

Ranma Fan Art posted:

ive definitely never looked for porn videos with "15 year old girl" in the title that's for loving sure!

Point was that the video name doesn't tell you anything. Do you think those videos with teen in the title are all underage too?

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:33

a misanthrope: Jun 21, 2010

my go-to porn search is

"90yr old"+anal+"adult diaper play"

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:34

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Ranma Fan Art posted:

ive definitely never looked for porn videos with "15 year old girl" in the title that's for loving sure!

That one did kind of stand out to me cause I don't think you're allowed to imply (even if it's fake) that anything illegal is goin on

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:35

Stunt_enby: Feb 6, 2010; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Andrast posted:

Holy poo poo porn video names do not depict reality of the video. Have you literally never watched porn on the Internet or something?

idk man i watch plenty of porn but i've never seen any porn videos with an age younger than 18 in the title
what sites are you going to?

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:36

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Malkof posted:

Former friend was in an "open" relationship with his then wife about 15 years ago. Long story short the wife hosed the lead singer of Type O Negative and he gave her herpes. Oddly their marriage didn't last!

So Type O Negative was positive?

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:37

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

shut up about porn and make fun of this hilarious little turd:

quote:

I [21M] worry I'm a narcissist or lacking empathy, a year after splitting with my ex-best friend [20F] of two years.Personal issues
submitted 5 hours ago * by bonerman85
I've been distant from my parents ever since I was young. I'd give myself low ratings in self-assessments because I didn't want to become an arrogant person. I was a strong, if lazy student all the way through high school. That might have been all I was then.
Freshman year of college, I met her. I worry if she sees this she'll know, but we became close very quickly talking about our struggles with our parents, among other things.
I was still new to being away from home, and I was trying lots of things to become a better person. I wound up feeling like poo poo the way I was, and I became depressed.
She was emotional support unlike any other. It blew my mind, and sometimes still does. I wanted to be more like her, for some time I idealized her. I tried extremely hard to take good care of her. We talked nearly constantly. She had very strong anxiety, and eventually depression. We might have been codependent.
I had some early instances of feeling jealous and left out when she seemed to like others more than me. At some point I decided to try separating myself from her, but instead I wound up messaging her time to time, roughly monthly. During this time she made another close friend, and later began to make others too.
I felt like I couldn't live up to them. I was so in my head that any thought I had was immediately slammed down by another, and I really struggled to make sense of my feelings. I tried to express this to her, and one other friend, in long rants. It may have been all I could manage at the time. It seemed like neither her nor my other friend made any sense of them. I hoped they'd at least talk to me, or ask me questions about the things they didn't understand, but they were speechless. It felt all the more isolating.
She would talk to me about the things she was doing with her new close friends. If I felt secure with her, I think I might have found this very endearing. Instead it only provoked my jealousy. I was hypersensitive to any seeming lapse in her interest. For a long while I'd also been feeling angry and bitter at the world for having forsaken me, though I think she was mostly exempt from that. All this combined into spurts of anger directed at her. I'd guess these averaged once a month, for a span of roughly four or five months.
Eventually she'd had enough, and decided to end our friendship. She didn't fail to stay away like I did either. She told me she wasn't angry, but that our relationship wasn't healthy and that she couldn't go on like this.
When I hurt her feelings, I feel bad. It's been a year, and I feel bad now too. She meant a lot to me. A whole lot. I doubt myself a lot now. I worry that my feelings of guilt and remorse are contrived, just to get her back, and that now I believe my own lies. I worry I'm not empathetic enough to be good friends with a person as naturally caring as her. Talking to her used to feel so good. She used to enjoy talking to me too, and I don't know if that means I ever got it right. I don't know if I actually feel what other people feel.
I talked to her nine months after she left, and she felt angry and hurt about things I'd said. Some of the things I said, in her words (because I haven't found my own quotes) and "out of context," although I feel like that doesn't matter.
You only make friends with people so they'll take care of you.
You should just go be friends with ____, I don't care if I'm in your life.
You don't care about me, you only care about what I give to you.
Right now I know I'm hurting you, but I don't care.
tl;dr: I often voluntarily think about people's feelings, but I don't often involuntarily feel them, and I want to, so that I'm not a poo poo person when I'm not thinking. Halp?

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:37

Stunt_enby: Feb 6, 2010; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Andrast posted:

Point was that the video name doesn't tell you anything. Do you think those videos with teen in the title are all underage too?

eigh-teen
nine-teen

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:37

SIDS Vicious: Jan 1, 1970

Andrast posted:

Point was that the video name doesn't tell you anything. Do you think those videos with teen in the title are all underage too?

i think you are a pedophile probably because God drat dude that is illegal

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:37

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Malkof posted:

Former friend was in an "open" relationship with his then wife about 15 years ago. Long story short the wife hosed the lead singer of Type O Negative and he gave her herpes. Oddly their marriage didn't last!

Everything dies🎶

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:37

MF_James: May 8, 2008; I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE

Andrast posted:

Holy poo poo porn video names do not depict reality of the video. Have you literally never watched porn on the Internet or something?

I think intent also matters. Like it might be women that are 20-30 that just look young, but his intent is to watch 15 year old girls.

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:37

Stunt_enby: Feb 6, 2010; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

i'm out of reports for the day, can someone report this andrast pedo dude for me? tia

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:38

Tolkien minority: Feb 14, 2012

ArbitraryC posted:

they were urls in his history right? Probably safe to say if it wasn't through tor then it was just generic porn site "Teen" stuff where the actresses are all in their 20s, I recall pornhub or something posted an infograph of most popular search terms by state and teen was up there pretty much across the country.

Certainly a weird thing to know about your dad but the guy is in fact probably not a closet pedo.

This is 100% what happened lol dudes teenage daughter isn't a porno connoisseur and "barely legal schoolgirls" aren't literally 15 year olds you goons

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:38

Andrast: Apr 21, 2010

I just think it's far more likely that the poster just saw a bunch of videos with the word teen and just assumed his father was looking at actual teens.

The original post doesn't even say what the actual titles of the videos were.

Andrast fucked around with this message at 19:53 on Dec 31, 2016

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:39

Stunt_enby: Feb 6, 2010; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

why has gbs's shift to the right included defending pedophilia?

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:45

SIDS Vicious: Jan 1, 1970

I think you really didn't read it because it was a young teenage girl and that's why she was upset.

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:45

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Pick posted:

shut up about porn and make fun of this hilarious little turd:

This sounds just like a friends really lovely, toxic friend to the point where I was actually wondering if it was her. And yes she is absolutely a weird, judgemental, narcissist!

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:46

Andrast: Apr 21, 2010

Stuntman posted:

why has gbs's shift to the right included defending pedophilia?

Yeah that's definitely happening here

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:46

Farg: Nov 19, 2013

If you have porn with "15 year old girl" in the title you aren't thinking "boy oh boy I can't wait to see some 20 something actresses" you're thinking "I want to see a 15 year old have sex"

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:47

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# ? May 9, 2024 08:21

Themata: Dec 10, 2011; If you want a pizza this pie
You can crust that
I won't cheese on you
Dance on the groove flour
And I'll give you a disco-unt

I'm a masochist so these posts are the perfect porn for me. :chef:

Pick posted:

shut up about porn and make fun of this hilarious little turd:

submitted 5 hours ago * by bonerman85

He is as caring as he is clever!

# ? Dec 31, 2016 19:47

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