quote:

Hello. Long-time reddit-user using a throwaway.
Disorder Explanation: I have a sexual pain disorder called congenital (meaning: from birth) neuroproliferative (meaning: poo poo-tons of extra nerves) vestibulodynia (meaning: affecting my vestibule/vaginal opening). In other words, if I or someone else so much as lightly touch the opening of my vagina, I am consumed in crippling pain that feels like searing hot knives are slicing my whole vagina and sometimes also anus.
I have been actively pursuing treatment for years. Been in therapy for 4 years. Had surgery removing the part that connects the vagina to the labia (so now my vagina is attached directly to the labia). Over a year of pelvic-floor physical therapy. Anti-depressants and analgesics. Even stuff like acupuncture, reiki, and Ayurveda. I am better than I was, but I still cannot have sex without extreme pain.
Relationship History: My SO and I have been in a monogamous romantic relationship for 3 years. We are in love, are best friends, moved to a new city together about a year ago, etc.
He has been much more understanding and patient than most, mainly because he has a slew of mental health issues (bipolar II, PTSD, GAD) that give him a lot of empathy for the "invisible pain and struggles" of others. While his disorders give him more understanding than others, they also make him less flexible than others might think "reasonable".
So, for example, he cannot pleasure me sexually if it doesn't transition into PIV sex. (It triggers PTSD/flashbacks for him because he feels deeply rejected). This led to about 1.5 years of me giving him oral sex with no reciprocity. I started off liking going down on him and then it started to feel like I was just "servicing" him so I came to hate it. About 8 months ago I started gagging and choking whenever I tried to swallow his semen. Me not swallowing triggers his PTSD (again because he feels rejected), so we haven't had any sexual contact since then.
The Situation Now - Advice Welcome!: He's having an extremely hard time dealing with no sex. It's affecting all areas of our relationship. We argue A LOT about stupid things but underneath it's really all because he needs sex.
I'm not sure if I need sex. I've had this disorder since birth and have never been a sexual person and lost all conscious desire for sexual intimacy sometime in my teen years (I still enjoy solo masturbation though). However, I get extremely upset when I see women having sex in movies so I think somewhere deep down I do want sex. I just physically cannot.
We've talked a lot about breaking up and I told him I would understand if he left me because of this. He says that rather than giving up right away we should try dating a third person (another woman) as a couple. I'm not attracted to women sexually but then again I'm not super attracted to anyone sexually.
I've never been in a non-monogamous relationship or even known anyone who was. It seems scary and I'm afraid I would just get really jealous. I don't want to date women or be in a non-monogamous relationship...but I also don't want to be alone, and no guy is going to be down for a sexless relationship.
I also love my SO and don't want to break up. If I can let go of my puritanical programming and narrow-minded conceptions of what a fulfilling relationship looks like, it might be the best option for me as someone who wants to date men but can't have PIV sex. Resources, Insights, and Advice welcome.
tl;dr: I have a sexual pain disorder & cannot have sex. My SO wants to try adding a third person to our relationship instead of breaking up with me.

1st AD posted:

haven't thought of trying that yet; "if you don't gently caress me I'm gonna get triggered!"

FreakOfScience posted:

Not reddit, but picking up a post from MetaFilter, which is a bit like shooting fish in a barrel:

Tears In A Vial posted:

imagine being so broken that you are unsure if your girlfriend likes you even while she is literally sucking your dick

Pick posted:

pull up the lice, it's only a couple pages back

WampaLord posted:

Imagine the gall it takes to try "Babe, I'm feeling really rejected after you sucked me off to completion."

1st AD posted:

haven't thought of trying that yet; "if you don't gently caress me I'm gonna get triggered!"

quote:

I'm posting this to get some perspective. I would put it in /r/Deadbedrooms or /r/sex but i hope that this sub is less biased.
Last night i read a sex survey in a popular magazine with my girlfriend. We enjoy reading the magazine together so it wasn't something forced on the other. It had some statistics such as the % of women who can orgasm from sex, how many have found their g-spot, how many masturbate, etc and was in general very sex positive.
The statistics did seem a bit high (it stated 51% of women had g-spot orgasms) but nothing too far fetched. The problem was her reaction.
She stated in no uncertain terms that women who enjoy sex are in the minority. These women are sluts, whores (and other words i don't agree with). For most women, sex is not pleasurable, even painful and not something they want.
She has problems with PIV sex (Vaginismus). Doesn't masterbate - at all. Won't use toys (not even a vibrator). Has no fantasies and can't name things that turn her on. I think i've felt her wet, perhaps once or twice - she just doesn't get aroused.
Intimacy (beyond hugs and quick kisses) dried up after being together for about 18 months - about the time we moved in together.
When we met, PIV wasn't a big issue for me. It still isn't. But we were all over each other in other ways. It was great, like when you're a horny teenager. But now she's not really interested. Always sleepy, suggests times and then makes excuses. There's no passion, no desire. When we're together (about once every 6 weeks) it's never PIV and i find it hard to cum because i'm not used to the sensations. She always expects me to cum (even though sometimes i have to really will myself on). One time i couldn't and she cried.
Almost every view she has around sex seems different from my own.
I haven't had these issues with previous girlfriends. Even conservative girls enjoy oral or manual clitoral stimulation. I have never met a girl before her who does not enjoy being physical.
Everything outside of the bedroom is great. But her issues around sex are really starting to eat away at the relationship.
TLDR: Previous girlfriends like sex, but our personalities clash. Current SO thinks most women are sluts and whores but we get on brilliantly. Am i doomed to a life of one or the other?

Nazzadan posted:

Me [26 M] with my girlfriend [32 F] of 3 years, says most women don't enjoy sex

Nazzadan posted:

Me [26 M] with my girlfriend [32 F] of 3 years, says most women don't enjoy sex

quote:

I [21/M] am absolutely addicted to outside validation, especially women'sPersonal issues
submitted an hour ago by thrownei
It's gotten to a point where it's controlling my life. As a perpetual single/virgin I don't feel like I have any real value so I can prove to others that I am indeed valuable as I am, so I feel I run on others' validation.
I only feel good when people compliment and appreciate me. When someone criticizes me, I feel really bad. The only thing that can really make me happy is female validation (being asked out, told that I look great, told that I am desirable), but you can't really specifically go to obtain that without being needy. I am sometimes jealous of girls as getting male validation is as easy as switching on your webcam while having only a bra on (just look at gw and other subreddits like that).
I spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to control how others view me. For example, I feel like if I had a girlfriend, everyone would respect me more and I wouldn't have to do all of that. I am always afraid of being left behind, with others being more adult and more competent at everything than me.
I sometimes wish I was this experienced, seasoned guy who no-one could disrespect because he's superior to everyone, but I'm not. I miscalculate situations, misread people, do everything a valuable person simply must not do. The thought of not appearing totally secure and competent to everyone makes me nervous and anxious.
EDIT: And I kind of feel like this state of constant competence is something necessary to get a girl. If I make mistakes, a woman can simply leave me because of them. I never feel like I'm enough or like any woman would want to be with me even though I do make mistakes in some situations.
TL;DR I feel like I depend totally on outside validation, specifically female validation. When a girl compliments me or desires me (rarely happens), I feel great, but I get so hung up on that that I ruin romantic opportunities by being too intense. When anyone criticizes or rejects me, I react calmly but beat myself up over it for a long time. Does anyone have any tips?

Pick posted:

quote:

My boyfriend (24M) seems to enjoy doing things that hurt me (19F)Relationships
submitted 10 minutes ago by throwajwakletlkjs
Hello all! I've been dating Jay for just over 3 months now. Things are going really well, except sometimes I feel like I'm dating two people and when his other half comes out, it's scary.
He does this weird thing where if he touches me somewhere and I say 'ow' or I jump or like cringe away, he'll push into it more. I'll tell him to stop and usually I'm laughing and he says that that means it's okay?
He also has a very high sex drive and he thinks that if I don't want to have sex, I should do it anyways because he pays for me when we go on dates, which I understand. Jay isn't working right now so I understand that paying for me is difficult sometimes.
We live together and have ever since we started dating. We were roommates at first and I lost my job and he offered to pay my half (his parents used to give him money but now the well is sort of running dry) and he told me he had feelings and I felt the same.
He is my first everything so I don't know if these things are normal but I hope that whatever it is can be worked out.
Thanks!!
TL;DR - My boyfriend (24M) seems to enjoy doing things that hurt me (19F). If he touches me in a way I dislike and I make a noise, he will do it again and again. He also thinks I should have sex with him whenever he wants. Is this normal? First relationship.

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

Step-step-grandfather [76m] takes it personal that I [24f] don't let him hold my phone to look at pictures because he swipes through my camera roll.

Pick posted:

Pick posted:

My boyfriend (24M) seems to enjoy doing things that hurt me (19F)

NomChompsky posted:

Okay relationships thread I'm back after two days of being sick what did I miss

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

Multiple people attempted to shame me for taking the bold stance of saying I wouldn't date someone who masturbates to Benedict Cumberbatch getting the guy with the big ears from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy butt-pregnant with his dog dick.

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

Multiple people attempted to shame me for taking the bold stance of saying I wouldn't date someone who masturbates to Benedict Cumberbatch getting the guy with the big ears from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy butt-pregnant with his dog dick.

Sisal Two-Step posted:

pretty sure it was the other way around

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

Multiple people attempted to shame me for taking the bold stance of saying I wouldn't date someone who masturbates to Benedict Cumberbatch getting the guy with the big ears from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy butt-pregnant with his dog dick.

Subjunctive posted:

What's the image? I'll buy it.

Pick posted:

im waiting for the woman who expresses her sexuality in a way that is non-terrifying

l o l

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

I think that's the plot of "take me out to the ballgame"

54 40 or gently caress posted:

*woman opens legs, vagina looks like Predators mouth*

Pick posted:

i think vaginas precede the movie Predatoe

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

Multiple people attempted to shame me for taking the bold stance of saying I wouldn't date someone who masturbates to Benedict Cumberbatch getting the guy with the big ears from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy butt-pregnant with his dog dick.

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

Multiple people attempted to shame me for taking the bold stance of saying I wouldn't date someone who masturbates to Benedict Cumberbatch getting the guy with the big ears from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy butt-pregnant with his dog dick.

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Lol if you don't roleplay as pregnant Benedict Cumberbatch in every sexual encounter with your girlfriend