Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Lol if you don't roleplay as pregnant Benedict Cumberbatch in every sexual encounter with your girlfriend

quote:

Me [25F] with my boyfriend [26M] of 3 years, he's about to spend £8,000 on a quack doctor

I love my boyfriend very much. We both came into the relationship with a few insecurities and have been working on them together, but his are always lingering and reappear the most when he spends time with his family.

After coming back from the Christmas holiday, he announced that he'd be getting a type of cosmetic surgery in a couple weeks. He told me the nature of the procedure, the clinic he's getting it done at, etc....well I did my research and the doctor he's seeing is a known liar (consistently negative reviews across the board) and the procedure costs £8,000. He barely has that much in savings, and we were talking about moving to a nicer flat soon.
Not to mention it will leave him with a nasty scar and he'll have to take time off to heal.

He also has £16,000 in debt from uni that he hasn't even begun to pay off.

I don't know what to do, Reddit. The fact that he a) is willing to believe in quack cures, b) let his family pressure him into this, and c) is willing to waste the money he needs for our future is making me resent him. I want him to push past this insecurity and see through how fake the procedure is, but he's insistent. I don't want to be manipulative or make ultimatums, but if he decides to go through with it I think I'll need to leave him.
I can't be with someone so gullible and irresponsible.

Is there hope, Reddit? How can I help him be rational about this?

tl;dr: Boyfriend is about to get cosmetic surgery, I am vehemently against it due to its cost, the doctor's terrible reputation, and him giving into his insecurities. Can I talk him out of it?

JFairfax posted:

we must know what the surgery is

quote:

My issue [24 M] with my date [20 F] 1 month, Can I trust her?

I got stood up today, and Im so mad I cant think straight or trust anyone. I had a set up a date with a different girl last week over text and now I don't trust her sincerity now ether. particularly line 8. Is she being honest or is she trying to give the runaround. She's an introvert btw.

01 ME----Say Liz, Im going to be around town for lunch Wednesday and I need a cute girl to go out with. U Know of one? :-)
02 GIRL-----Haha idk, who do you have in mind?
03 ME----Just some girl I used to know. You
04 GIRL-----Haha possibly.
05 ME-----Restaurant at 12:30 Wednesday then,
06 GIRL-----What date is Wednesday?
07 ME-----The 4th
08 GIRL-----Oh shoot, I have to go to XYZ city that day. I'm sorry. I totally would go with you if I didn't have to!
09 ME-----I might be able to fit it in Saturday
10 GIRL-----Okay, that might work :-)
11 ME-----Ok I'll see you 12:00 at the Restaurant Saturday then.
12 GIRL-----Okay :-) see you then!
13 ME----- :-)
14 GIRL----- :-)
tl;dr: I'm still so mad I cant tell if she means it, does she?

quote:

The thing is the first girl stood me up on a third date she asked for, and we seemed to be getting somewhere, so I went through the all the trouble to get the morning off work. how would you feel?

I set this date up with the second girl last week and now Im having trust issues. im just feeling too many bad vibes from line 8.

Gluten Freeman posted:

from comments:


a 24 year old man posted this

quote:

Basically, long story short, a few buddies of mine found out recently that I visit prostitutes often. I don't really care what certain people think, but recently one of those people has gotten into a habit of basically telling everyone that she meets that I visit prostitutes. I don't know why she does it, I asked her to stop doing it, she kept doing it, now me and her are kind of not even talking because it just really annoys me.
It gives people a bad first impression, also I don't want people to build up this reputation of me as being some sort of sleezy guy who visits prostitutes. Yeah, I go every week, sometimes twice a week, but I can afford it and it's legal here, so I don't see what the problem with it is.
How can I get her to stop spreading it around and making me look bad?
tl;dr: Acquaintance is telling people I visit prostitutes, it's making me feel somewhat uncomfortable, I asked her to stop but she hasn't. I don't know what to do.

Better Fred Than Dead posted:

It's a chin job

Edit: I'm calling it

Tolkien minority posted:

I don't want people to build up this reputation of me as being some sort of sleezy guy who visits prostitutes.

JFairfax posted:

I'm wondering how ugly / hosed up he has to be that visiting prostitutes on the reg is cheaper than loving random tinder sluts.

I mean yeah it's a guaranteed thing, but if they're good looking hookers they're gonna be pricy.

JFairfax posted:

I'm wondering how ugly / hosed up he has to be that visiting prostitutes on the reg is cheaper than loving random tinder sluts.

I mean yeah it's a guaranteed thing, but if they're good looking hookers they're gonna be pricy.

quote:

I have been married for 15 years to an incredible woman. She is smart and quick witted. She is kind and fun and funny. I never get tired of being around her. We have young children and until today had a blissfully happy marriage. We both grew up in a represive religion with very regressive views about sexuality. I discovered pornography and masturbation as a teenager and I went through a cycle of guilt and shame over the issue. I managed to stop masturbating for a long time because within this religion that is a major sin and I thought more serious than pornography.
I still occasionally viewed pornography and went through guilt cycles and long periods of abstinence but never as long as I avoided masturbation. At most I managed to go a few years before relapsing. I was a virgin when I married.

My wife suffered abuse as a child and she was sexually active as a teen partially because of her abuse and self esteem issues.
We each discussed our past before marriage, but not my wife's abuse. (She told me about that years later. I was the first person she ever told).
We were very active in our religion when we married. 6 months into our marriage I relapsed with pornography but not masturbation. I confessed to my wife and she was devastated. She said that if I ever did that again, she would leave me. After several years during a stressful time, I relapsed with pornography. I was torn. I struggled whether to confess or live with it knowing that she would occasionally ask me whether I looked at pornography and I would need to lie. I was deeply depressed because I faced an impossible choice and I chose to lie.
I committed internally to never again relapse, but I relapsed again on many occasions. After several years, during a particularly stressful time, I began masturbating with pornography use. She occasionally asked whether I looked at porn and I lied because I was afraid that she would follow through with the threat to leave me.

A few years ago, I stopped feeling guilty about pornography use and masturbation because I found that I tended to be kinder and more loving when my relationship was not tied to my constant sexual frustration. Our marriage was shaky for some time because I felt so much sexual frustration. I felt like she was ignoring my very real suffering from sexual frustration because she was tired or didn't feel like it. After I started using porn and masturbating, sex changed from just a relaese to something I could wait for until we both wanted it. I was not begging her for it and I was less aggressive and angry. If I had known her attitude towards masturbation was less severe than pornography, I might have developed my habit around masturbation only. She is now completely accepting of masturbation. Masturbation seemed many times more serious when I was growing up in my religion. I went many years without masturbation, but only a few years at my longest without pornography.

Last year we left our religion and some of our views about sexuality changed. My wife said she was OK with me masturbating and reading erotica. Pornography use was still off limits and impliedly unforgivable. By this time I was masturbating 2-3 times a week. I tried to avoid pornography, but I quickly relapsed. I always felt like the damage was already done because I had already done it and lied about it. She still sometimes asked about it although her attitude seemed to have softened.
Over the past year, we have become more sexually open. Our sex life was better than it has ever been. She does not like the pornography but does sometimes enjoy erotica. Her sex drive is still considerably lower than mine but we went from weekly sex to sex 2-3 times per week.

In the past year we had been closer than we had ever been, but I was still too scared to confess and too weak to stop.
She is beautiful and fit and I am fat. We are both insecure, although I tend not express my insecurity because she says it is unnatractive so I feign confidence with her. She constantly talks about how unnatractive she is. I try to emphasize that her worth to me is not based upon her looks. I do still talk frequently about how attractive she is and we frequently touch, hug and kiss without pushing for sex. She rarely initiates sex.

I have a decent job and I make above average but not great money. I have lots of student loan debt. Our net worth is negative. She works part time at a very low paying job that gives her the flexibility to have more time for our children. She has no college education. I have a professional degree.
She describes her fear of my use of pornography as an indication to her that she is not good enough or attractive enough. She is very self conscious about her body and looks even though she is objectively beautiful. She has begged for breast implants and a tummy tuck to undo the minor damage she experienced from breast feeding and child birth. I have tried to convince her that she is beautiful and that her self worth is not dependant on her looks. Her response is always " You have to say that because you are stuck with me."

I have felt alone for years because of this lie and I have thought about the damage of lying and betraying her one biggest issue thousands of times. I know that no one in the world loves me for who I am because I wasn't honest with her. I tried stopping thousands of times to the point where I have given up on stopping. I still only masturbate a couple of times each week and I try to stick to erotica which she approves of, but I relapse to porn often. I have a great deal of anxiety and mastubation is an effective release.

Today she found out.
She realized today that I must be constantly exposed to porn because I have filters turned off on Reddit. She asked me if I looked and I responded that I don't know. She realized that I was lying and ruminated on it all day. I could tell something was happening, but she didn't say anything. I asked if she was OK in the middle of the night when she wasn't sleeping and she confronted me. I decided to admit it.
Is it over? Can my marriage be saved? Was the happy marriage we had a lie because of this issue? Does this lie and behaviour undermine every good thing I did as a husband and father?

tl;dr: I have looked at porn for years. Wife has self esteem and body issues despite being stunningly beautiful and has been clear that this is a major issue over which she may leave me. She realized today that I was probably looking at porn because of Reddit and I admitted.

Mak0rz posted:

Arcsquad12 posted:

If it makes you feel better, that's a fake story that has floated around for years. Still gross.

Nuebot posted:

I almost feel bad for that guy, but then he goes out of his way to be insufferable about it all. I'm shorter than he is and most people don't really give a poo poo because I don't give a poo poo. Once you start internalizing that poo poo and blaming all your problems on the fact that you're a hobbit, things start spiraling downward and no one likes you because no one wants to hear you complain about how horrible life is because you're short for the ten thousandth time. Sucks about his dick though, that's like the one advantage of being short. A completely average dong looks way more impressive than it does on a tall guy.

quote:

My husband (m/26) and I (f/24) bought toys and since I have used them on him, they haven't been brought out.Relationships
submitted 9 hours ago by StrapsForOnce
So, it's obviously a throwaway. My husband browses reddit on my computer. And i'm sorry if it's long, I just need to vent.
Uh, so I don't know where to start. We have a great sex life. My main problem is that sometimes, It's all about him. I mean to say that I barely get oral when he wants it at least twice a week. Sometimes, when we do have our "adult time", it lasts about as long as it takes him to finish and then he's immediately asleep. I have about a 50/50 chance of getting off before him, and it sucks. It's like I have to rush myself to finish before he does, or else I'll have him drooling on top of me within the next five minutes.
Now, we've talked about this, in depth, and the most we got out of it is that he needs to slow down, take his time and focus on me a little more also. Women don't get off after 5 minutes of jack-hammering and he knows that.
I however now think the problem is that he only really considers himself, even after I talked to him (in depth) about how I'm not a toy and I want to have my needs filled as well. He always tries to diffuse the situation in the form of "Oh, well, you must not be attracted to me anymore." or "Well, what do you want me to do? Not have sex with you?" And I mean, when we're both into it, it's pretty amazing. But most nights it's just 30 minutes of him going to town while I'm just waiting for my turn to be on top.
Now, the real issue at hand.
I've tried my hardest to get past this, but ever since it happened, I have just been tremendously turned off and can't seem to shake the feeling. We bought a set of toys (handcuffs, rope, ball gag, blindfold, etc.) and the first night it came in the mail we were both (?) excited. I say mainly me, because I have always been into restraints, and BDSM but he never told me he ever was. I remember the last time we had tried it when we first started dating, he didn't like the handcuffs or the blindfold or generally being tied up at all. But when we got the toys in the mail, the first night he insisted I use them on him. He loved it. Said that it really turned him on. We both finished the night happily and then went to bed.
However, the next night, I pulled them out and asked him to use them on me. He kept saying "I will...give me a minute." and "Let's just make love a little longer." After hearing his excuses for 15+ minutes, I became frustrated and just completely shut down. I wasn't in the mood at all anymore. I put them up in the closet and tried to ask him why he wasn't willing to try them out on me. I mean, what the hell? I thought they were for both of us to enjoy? And he just got upset saying the same old poo poo. "You must think I'm ugly" and other excuses. We fought for about an hour about how I still think he's the sexiest thing, but it just turned me off completely that he didn't want to enjoy them with me.
Eventually we both apologized for being rude and yelling, but he said "I wanted to wait for it to be a surprise." I mean, it wasn't a surprise when they arrived in the mail, but he still wanted to use the stuff then? I told him I wanted to use them that night and it felt that he kept ignoring what I wanted.
Basically, what I want to ask is am I being crazy? Should I calm down? I don't know. Any advice is appreciated.
tl;dr: My husband and I bought sex toys (handcuffs, blindfolds, rope, ball gag) for us to both use. After the first night of me using them on him, they haven't been touched since, even though I wanted him to use them on me. Excuses, excuses, excuses...