WampaLord posted:

I can just picture this dude going "Oh my god, it's happening again." Even though the situations are different.

quote:

Me (F18) and my bf (M28) have been together for almost a month. This is my very first relationship and he has been very patient and understanding.
Last Friday was the first we had PIV sex (we've been doing other physical things like oral before) . It was good. It wasn't that painful and I enjoyed it.
What I'm worried is that he hasn't been talking to me since. I know he's a busy man (works weekdays, 9-10 hours per day) and has other things to do on the weekend like laundry and looking after his horses and visiting his mum. But that's never been a problem before.
We had planned to go to the city on the following Sunday. It was a a definite plan. It's Sunday. I messaged him that I was already there etc. No response. Nothing. I called. No reply. So, I was there all alone at the city. Waiting. And waiting. Made me feel upset and hurt that he couldn't at least respond to my messages/calls and didn't turn up. So, I did some shopping. Some drat good therapeutic shopping. Anyways, I was there a few hours and then left to go home. I thought: maybe he's busy but normally he responds to my messages no matter what. I just don't understand. I've left a bunch of messages and called but no response. Nothing. It's Tuesday and I'm worried. Still no response. I'm really considering going to visit him. Thing is, I've never been to his place but I know where he lives. He lives an hour away from me so we always meet up on our lunch breaks or after uni to spend time together. Should I go to his place? Is that okay? What do I do in this situation? I'm really worried about him. And, is there any reason for his sudden disappearance?
TL;DR: My (F18) very first relationship. Been together for almost a month. My bf (M28) isn't responding to calls and messages since having sex for the first time last Friday. I am worried. Has been a couple days. What do I do?

Nazzadan posted:

This poor girl has no idea she was essentially a one-month stand. But she said PIV, so I have no sympathy.

What do I (F18) do? Bf (M28) has been MIA (more info in text)


I also like that she clarified in the title that there would be more info in the text.

Oh happy-ish ending in the comments. She realizes she was being used and is going to try and date guys closer to her age, and says that this hasn't soured her opinion of men overall.

quote:

Over a decade ago I was anally raped by a man I was dating. I had been suffering from IBS, and had actually decided to break up with him because he would not stop badgering me for anal sex (he even had taped a bunch of Jackie the Jokeman about why women were not allowed to say no to it and played it for me in his car on a trip). My colon was incredibly inflamed even before the rape, and given how often I pooped and the awful things that were coming out of me, I didn't think it was a good time to experiment with it. So, of course, he held me down and forced me to. I never pressed charges. He was friends with many of my coworkers and I eventually left my job and went on to other things.
When I had consensually had PIV with him, he constantly masturbated in bed. After I broke up with him because he raped me, he posted descriptions of how bad in bed I was online. He had already told me over the phone when I broke up with him (because, sorry, after you hold me down and force me to have anal I'm not breaking up with you in person and I just got out of there as quickly as possible after the act) that the reason he had to masturbate constantly was because I was not doing enough to keep him hard.

Both in that call and online he went on and on about how he should be able to keep an erection and had never had problems before and me not knowing I had to wank him constantly or not bouncing enough on top or not playing with my tits or not more or less acting like a porn star was the real issue.
My past employer would not shut the message board down that this stuff was being posted on. I got a restraining order, which was humiliating, talked to the web host, got the "review" removed, and got therapy.
Now I'm dating for the first time in a long time (because I was married, not because I was raped), and my boyfriend masturbates any time I am not giving him direct penis contact in bed. So if he's going down on me, he's also masturbating.

And it's not just a huge turn off (something I did not expect because guys jerking off was a huge thing I used to enjoy when I was a lot younger and had not had sex yet), I'm legitimately getting close to having panic attacks from it. I did not expect this.
Anal is pretty much off the table for me. I had some tearing, and I still have IBS, and I'm just not interested in going there. But vaginal sex has always been enjoyable, as have a bunch of other things, some of them even kinky.
But this is getting to me.
I feel like this is something this guy needs in order to stay hard, and I've read on this sub and on r/sex/ that some guys need constant stimulation and that's just normal for them. Unfortunately, he's only the second guy I've encountered that needs it.

This makes me feel awful. I feel like what my rapist said--that I was bad in bed and that's why he had to masturbate--is being confirmed. Note, I said I feel like that. I try to understand that it was bullshit. But it really makes me feel that way.
It's also a giant turn off and as soon as it starts I want out of there. I have tried to always be within hand or mouth's reach so that I can do it instead of him, but I don't move at the right rhythm or something (very high speed needed) and eventually get tired so at some point we always end up there.
He knows the rape happened and that I was harassed online after. I don't know how to talk about this with him though. I'm tempted to just say that I know he needs this, and it's not his fault, but it's something I can't give right now.
It will take me months where I live to get in to see a new therapist, so this might be a deal breaker for us. Waiting times for doctors are just that long, and this isn't an emergency. I'm not suicidal, I'm not depressed or anxious in any other situation.

How should I even begin to have this conversation? Should I? Should I just let him go even though other parts of the relationship are decent?
tl;dr: My boyfriend needs constant stimulation in bed, so he constantly masturbates to avoid losing his erection. My rapist did that when I slept with him willingly (not when he raped me), and I'm having severe anxiety related to this.

quote:

I was placed with my foster parents when I was 12 because my biological mother died from an overdose when I was 5 and after she passed way and my "father" abused me. I have no contact with him.
I'll refer to my foster parents as mum and dad though.

I never felt right in my body but I couldn't articulate why- I preferred "girly things" which my dad hated and as soon as I started to hit puberty I become extremely depressed.

I was withdrawn, anti-social and my mum didn't understand why. When I was 14 years old I figured out I was trans and tried to kill myself. My mum walked into my room just as I was trying and then I broke down and told her I was trans and gay to boot.

She held me for a very long time told me none of those things were a problem and then the both of them pretty much threw themselves into research about transitioning, what to do etc, puberty blockers, hormones and even found me a therapist who specializing in transgender children - it was and hour both ways and they'd take turns waiting in the car while I was in my session.

Mum took me shopping, taught me how to apply makeup, gave me books, dating advice, bought me a sewing machine when I expressed interest in sewing.

Both of them fought with CPS to have me change schools when I went through an awkward non-passing teenager stage when I was bullied. Went to meetings with me, dressed down teachers and other parents who didn't understand. Financially helped me out with surgery.

Basically supported me all the way.

No matter what they did, I was depressed. But I feel like it had been anyone else, I'd be dead by now. I was depressed but I found the strength to keep going sometimes for the only reason that I didn't want to be ungrateful for all the effort they were putting in but some days, I was really hanging on by a thread.

I was pretty bad at some stages, I'd written myself of as a lost cause, and the feedback to them at that time probably wasn't encouraging. I wasn't cheerful, social, even doing that well academically, had behavioral issues and a chip on my shoulder and at one stage when I was 18 I nearly had a drug problem but somehow pulled myself back before it became a fully fledged thing.

I tested the limits of their affection a lot.

Now I'm 32 years old, fully transitioned, starting a PhD, lecture at a uni and I've been in an amazing relationship with an amazing woman for the last 5 years.

We're currently looking to adopt a child and as a result I've spent a lot of time thinking about everything that my parents have sacrificed for a kid that originally wasn't even theirs.

I've always thought about it but now that we are looking into the kind of sacrifice, time commitment, lifestyle change etc that having a child involves, I think about it constantly.

They never once were obligated to do anything that they did for me.

I was probably the reason why they didn't take on another foster child-I was a handful all by myself. I've maybe denied another kid out there who needed support from parents like these because of how difficult I was.

I want a way to thank them, I see them often (weekly) and talk to them almost everday, even just for 5 minutes and they tell me/I tell them I love you pretty much every time we talk- it's a habit I got into after I left for college and realized how much I missed them.

But I'm looking for an over and above type thing- if that even exists - not in a money kind of way but just gratitude or something if it even exists.

I'm not trying to "pay them back", I really just want to show how much I am humbled and appreciate everything they've done now that I'm starting to get even just a glimpse of what they've done for me which I wasn't mature enough to realize at the time.

tl;dr: My (foster) parents went over and above when I was transitioning. I have no idea how to thank them- especially as my partner and I are looking to adopt ourselves.

quote:

First, I want to say that I logged out of this account that evening, and didn't come back until now, and I was BLOWN AWAY by all of the people offering food, gift certificates, or just good will, and I started crying.. again. I will respond to each of you individually.

So, to recap: My STBX is a cheating rear end, and he panicked and tried to erase his family.

The update: This all happened on a Sunday, so there wasn't a lot I could do right then. I put the kids to bed, and called my mom and cried. Then, I called my mother in law, who was horrified.

My inlaws came over that night with $200 in cash and a check for much more. My father in law is didn't say much, but he did fix my bathroom door (which is how he shows affection), and muttered that he would "fix this".

I opened a new checking account at a new bank (THANKS FOR THIS ADVICE) with the check my in laws gave me.

I opened a new credit card in my name.

My mother deployed a niece to help with childcare for the next week, I called in a lot of childminding favors, and with the cash my inlaws gave me, I was able to pay the babysitter while I worked this out.

I met with two divorce attorneys- both of them told me about what you had said, that he was legally screwed. I chose one, and we set the process in motion to get an emergency hearing, but by Tuesday, my old checking account had most of the money back, and my husband was asking to "talk".

On the advice of my lawyer, I took half of the checking account money and put it in my new bank, and kept records of everything.

I pulled our credit reports- He has over $40,000 in credit card debt. I also found out, that he received a raise last year, and funneled this money out of our shared accounts. I would have figured this out when I did our taxes, and this led to him panicking and trying to "erase" us.

Keep in mind, this rear end in a top hat gave me gonorrhea. I am an accountant by trade, and I'm afraid of CC debt the way some girls are afraid of spiders, so I was horrified about this, but my lawyer thinks it's likely that he'll have to have this debt on his own, as my name isn't on it, and it seems that most of it was spent on his side piece.

We have started mediation, which he agreed to when he realized that he would need to pay for BOTH of our divorce attnys.

My goal- which my lawyer thinks is reasonable, is to ask for alimony until I either re-marry (not likely) or my 2 year old is in school full time, and to have a reasonable amount of child support until she's 18, and then we'll split college costs for all of them. When all the kids are in school, I can concentrate on getting back to work.

I also plan to sell the house and buy a smaller house in a less elite section of town. The kids can share rooms, and I can live mortgage free.

So, I'm heartbroken, and diseased, but there's also an incredible weight that his lifted from me. Our marriage has been bad for so long, and I didn't even realize how unhappy I was, and how.. absent by husband was. It took my 5 year old almost a week to realize that Daddy was gone.

WampaLord posted:

She buried the lede here:


I can just picture this dude going "Oh my god, it's happening again." Even though the situations are different.

La Brea Carpet posted:

Hey, I have this 30-year-old hand grenade and want to pull then pin and toss it at my loving, caring wife.


tl;dr: I cheated on my wife, whom I've been with for 43 years and had 6 children with, one time in high school and have kept it hidden ever since. The guilt is eating me alive but I know confessing is the right thing to do, even though it would needlessly ruin our life together.

Dial-a-Dog posted:

Who cares? These stories are littered with "oh this thing happened to them once/they had one ex who did whatever so that excuses their being a poo poo" and it's ridiculous. I'm not picking on your post, it just seemed a good one to point it out, because it is maddening how much childish bullshit these people are getting away with because of their ~~past problems~~

quote:

This is my first post on reddit so pardon my bad formatting. These issues have been tormenting me for a long time and i really hope you guys can bear with me and give me your honest insight. Please do help me upvote so this reaches a wider audience. I really need for insights. Incase it may be thought that i am delusional, i am a really cynical person, what is making me question is that is it actually possible for something like that to happen?
Before i begin I shall provide some background information. My girlfriend[17F] is a girl whom i met online and went on to date subsequently. She had met a guy before me previously and had her fair share of sexual experience with him which i am not too pleased with. It was entirely sexual in nature except for PIV and there was no love and just purely lust. I was never pleased with it and shall not talk about it as it would make this post entirely too long hence i shall just breeze through this.

My girlfriend also had a second encounter with one of her closest male friend [17] shortly after her first encounter with the guy whom he met online. She claimed that the guy was really innocent and she just wanted to let him know how to masturbate. One fine day she decided to try and teach him but he claimed to "not know how" and she decided to take it upon herself to give him a handjob. He expressed that he did not feel any satisfaction and instead she went on to give him a blowjob and she told me that her only intention was to let him try. If more information is needed she blew him 3 times over the course of the day and the guy did not cum. She never had any encounters with him afterwards. Do note that this guy is going to come into play later on so lets call him Alex.
After dating my girlfriend for 3 months, Alex invited us over to his condominium to swim along with a few other friends. *note: I already knew that my girlfriend had blown him before and was still cool about it since i thought he was a nice guy and the past is the past and it was my girlfriend who initiated it.

At the condominium we swam and he suggested that we bathed at the public showers while he went up with my girlfriend to bathe. It made sense since he was the owner and my girlfriend was the only girl and hence she should also have the comfort of bathing in his home. We agreed and we were told to wait by the pool once we were done and he would come to pick us up.
We bathed finish and decided to not wait and we went up. I got in his house and looked for my girlfriend but did not see her. My suspicions were confirmed when i noticed that only one bathroom was occupied and it was the master bedroom's bathroom. I went over and heard some soft mumbles before it went silent. I decided to inform my friends and they started knocking on the door. Only Alex replied and my girlfriend kept quiet. He then mentioned that he was almost done and when he came out he just looked at me and gave a weak smile and told me my girlfriend was still bathing. I was fuming at the top of my head but did not want to create a scene. i waited for my girlfriend to come out and she did not dare to look me in the eye and just dried her hair etc etc. * edit she said Alex told her to keep quiet and hence she kept quiet"

Later on she swore that she never did anything sexual with him and all he did was wash her hair. I also knew that Alex did wash her hair before as they used to swim together. The thing is that why did she choose to keep quiet? Why couldnt they have washed the hair in the open? Why did she still have to stay in the shower even after the hair wash? She told me she was scared and A had told her to keep quiet. She kept repeating herself that she only thought of it as a hair wash and nothing much and she waited outside of the shower area while he bathed. She did not do anything sexual with him according ot her

I kept probing and a few months later she admitted she was in the shower area with him although she was still in her swimsuit and had her back turned to him. Till now i dont see how it made any sense. It seemed too much of a convenience that after the hair wash she stayed in the toilet. It seemed too much of a convenience that she kept quiet. It was even more unbelievable that she thought it was ok to be in the shower with him with her back turned while he bathed and she waited.
TL;DR Girlfriend was in shower with another guy while he was butt naked and she was clothed (She claim to not have looked at him). She claims to love me a lot and is fully commited to me and she did not do anything sexual with him neither did she have any sexual intention. Is this a lie or not? How should i deal with it?
*do ask any questions if you think you need more information before you make a judgement.

quote:

^ finally something that doesnt drive at the stereotype of male and female in a bathroom = sex. that is what i mentioned. I questioned her integrity and commitment and how on earth was it possible that she thought it was ok to be in the same bathroom as another guy without my knowledge. Btw im her first boyfriend. As mentioned i am the third she had sexual relations with though

quote:

is it not a more gentlemanly thing to do to allow the females to enjoy better facilities? as one of the males in that group would you have spoke up and asked for the shower in his home instead while the girl uses the public shower?

quote:

Sorry im not trying to be ignorant or blinded by "love" or something but she WAITED in the shower with him while he was showering. she showered after the guy. atleast all this is what she said. she constantly cries and swear that it is the truth

WampaLord posted:

Is needing to jack off whenever your penis isn't being directly stimulated during sex a common thing or did she just get really unlucky? Cause that seems like a weird thing.

Nazzadan posted:

This poor girl has no idea she was essentially a one-month stand. But she said PIV, so I have no sympathy.

What do I (F18) do? Bf (M28) has been MIA (more info in text)


I also like that she clarified in the title that there would be more info in the text.

Oh happy-ish ending in the comments. She realizes she was being used and is going to try and date guys closer to her age, and says that this hasn't soured her opinion of men overall.

Nazzadan posted:

My girlfriend [17F] was in the shower with another guy. claim she didnt do anything with him to me [18M]

Nazzadan posted:

Oh this poor, poor PIV using retard
My girlfriend [17F] was in the shower with another guy. claim she didnt do anything with him to me [18M]


Good comments from OP later in the thread




Homeboy is delusional

WampaLord posted:

Boy, we're just learning all sorts of dirtbag tactics!

First there was "I get PTSD if you don't swallow" guy now we've got "I don't know how to jack off, do it for me. Okay, still not working, use your mouth. You know what? Let's just gently caress in the shower while your boyfriend is over."

Gaunab posted:

It's important to realize the girl in that story is also a dirtbag

Gaunab posted:

It's important to realize the girl in that story is also a dirtbag

Clark Nova posted:

She said the "boyfriend" had horses. I'm thinking that's a universal, entirely gender-neutral instead of just a stereotype about rich white girls

Ride The Gravitron posted:

"I've just never been able to cum from a blowjob"

quote:

I [29m] love my SO [28f] to death and want to marry her, but I think we need to work through a few issues first.
I am her first sexual partner and she comes from a very conservative family and city. She is generally not very open-minded, especially when it comes to sex. I have told her I am unsatisfied several times and she notices I get moody about it every once in a while. We probably need to have a more serious discussion about it.
My problem stems from her being a little bit of a prude and a little bit selfship when it comes to sex. Here are some of the issues:
Hairy Situation: Her bush is bigger than 1970s huge! She is not into shaving that area though if I ask (multiple times) she will sometimes wax the pubic hair that goes up to her stomach and legs a little. I know this is mostly my own issue that I have been conditioned by society but it really turns me off. The worse is the hair on the legs and the happy trial. Instant boner killer.
Timber: She almost never gives blowjobs. Even then it lasts 2 minutes max before she wants to stop and we go to PIV sex. I have received at most a handful of blowjobs during the entire relationship. I go down on her every single time we have sex (she does not get off from penetration). I don't dislike it but it is really tiring and I find I sometimes prefer to just masturbate than go through the whole sex experience.
BitCurious: SO is on a month-long trip for her job. I have been doing a lot of research online on various kinky things. We have friends who are poly and my SO and I talked about it before. I know she won't be interested but I think about it sometimes. I have also been reading up on anal, pegging, BDSM, and sex toys. I bought a prostate massager and masturbating sleeve for myself. I'm not super kinky but I would love to try something different than normal vanilla sex all the time.
MojNo: I got her to take the Mojo Upgrade sex quiz to find out what new kinky stuff we could try in order to spice things up. The results really exemplified some of our issues. For most of the quiz my answers were "yes, I want to try it" or "if she's into it" but I got the results and basically the only things she wants to do is listen to music during sex, have more foreplay (for her I guess...), and have me do a strip tease (she said this was a joke answer...).
Pics Didn't Happen: I sent her some sexy panties and have sent her some pics of myself. I keep asking for pics but only received a close-up of a nipple and a pic of her butt wearing one of the panties immediately after she received them.
gently caress: The other night I was drunk and came close to cheating on my SO with a very attractive girl I know. Don't worry, nothing happened, I won't cheat on my SO, but now I can't stop thinking about that night.
Each issue alone isn't that big of a problem. The combination of it all makes it worse. I'll deal with it if it means I can live my life with this otherwise amazing girl.
Have any of you encountered similar issues in your relationships? Any advice on how to approach this situation reddit? What would you do if you were me?
TL;DR: SO does not give bjs, does not shave, does not want to try new things. I want. What should I do?

Nazzadan posted:

My horse girl girlfriend got mad when I explained the stereotype of horse girls.

I also found out a week ago that at camp, she used to eat horse treats. So she might literally be a horse-girl

Nazzadan posted:

This guy is totally sexually incompatible with his girl, and should leave. But between his use of PIV and his formatting/puns, I hope he just suffers.

Nazzadan posted:

I [29m] am a lot more kinky than my SO [28f] of 6 years. I feel unsatisfied but we are about to get married.

quote:

My SO and I got married last year in CA, after a six-year relationship. One year later the relationship ended after she cheated on me, on our anniversary After that, she moved to OR.
Last week, my roommate signed for certified mail for me (Does this count as legally being served?). It is a petition for separation of marriage from Oregon. It says that we have divided our property and debts. I had no say in the splitting of assets/debts but it may not be worth the legal fees to fight. I have 30 days to respond.
After 30 days she intends to file for a legal separation by default and later convert the legal separation into a divorce in March.
She intends to buy a house soon and wants to immigrate her mother to the U.S. She is currently paying for my health insurance. We originally agreed to file jointly in CA.
She keeps changing things on me and does not appear to have my best interests in mind, so it makes me worried. Is there anything else I should be worried about? I don't know what to expect.

WampaLord posted:

Your idea about people who say PIV being weird was fruitful at first, but now it just feels like you're reaching. What other term would you rather they say? Intercourse?

Nazzadan posted:

Idk, sex? Are we at a point where we really need to have an acronym for regular vaginal intercourse? If someone says "sex," to me that refers to vaginal intercourse. It's everything else that should have a different name. Anal, bj, hj, etc.

Leon Einstein posted:

Why are so many dudes convinced anal is a huge deal?

Leon Einstein posted:

Why are so many dudes convinced anal is a huge deal?

Pick posted:

Chomp8645 posted:

Pee Pee in Hoo Hah