54 40 or gently caress posted:

She needs to put this manlet in his crib for the night and let him cry it out

mfcrocker posted:

I mean to be fair, she absolutely should stop masturbating to James Deen because he's a rapist piece of poo poo

JFairfax posted:

what if she has rape fantasies, in that case, he's quite apt surely?

Cumslut1895 posted:

Anxiety Disorders are funny when they happen to men

zakharov posted:

Pick (and others), please put spaces between paragraphs when you copy/paste from Reddit. If you don't, it just shows up as a Wall Of Text. Thanks for your consideration

Professor Shark posted:

Pick posted:

BURNIN' DOWN THE HOUSE!

Cumslut1895 posted:

Anxiety Disorders are funny when they happen to men

quote:

I [56M] cheated on my wife [55F] very early on in our relationship of 43 years, married 32. I'm overwhelmed with guilt to this day and I don't know if I should confess.Infidelity

My wife and I started "dating" in 7th grade, and started seriously dating and investing in the relationship in 10th grade, losing our virginities together and being almost inseparable. During 11th grade I somehow caught the eye of a ridiculously gorgeous classmate of ours and in a supremely stupid decision, I canceled a date with my wife and lied about being ill so I could go hang out with my classmate at her house, where I ended up cheating on my wife. Immediately I knew I hosed up and left her house almost in tears, and the guilt of what I did actually left me ill for a few days.

I was planning on confessing what I did to my wife, but as life went on, we grew more and more serious, and all the responsibilities and obligations I had to deal with kept the confession at the bottom of my list even though I knew it should have been first. Eventually we got married, had six children, some grandchildren with more on the way, and spent many many blissful years together, even though the guilt never stopped. I have not once cheated on my wife or even so much as flirted with another woman since the incident with my classmate, and I've been 100% loyal to my wife.

The guilt has not lessened at all though, and has actually increased. Every anniversary, every time she gave birth, at every major milestone of our relationship I felt so overwhelmed by guilt I felt like passing out. Despite this I can't actually bring myself to tell her what I did, since I fear losing her. At some point in my 30s I decided to take this to the grave with me but the guilt is too much.

I know that confessing is the "right" thing to do, but I can't help but think it will do more harm than good. At this point, confessing would only ease my burden and hurt her, and in a way I feel like my guilt has been my punishment for what I did. I don't intend to make any excuses for what I did, but when I cheated on her, I was a stupid kid with no idea that I would end up marrying and growing old with my high school girlfriend, and it was only one time fueled by teenage lust, just sex with no emotional attachment whatsoever. I've been completely committed and loyal to her for 40 years and I think only one small incident of cheating very early on in a 43 year relationship isn't that bad. I don't want to confess it because I don't think a stupid decision I made when I was a dumb teenager has any bearing on my relationship today.

However, I feel like a massive piece of slime because my wife absolutely hates cheaters and I know if she found out about my cheating the day after it happened like I intended, she would have dumped me in a heartbeat. I don't think she would leave me now if I confessed, given all we've been through, but I wouldn't fault her if she did. Although I know I have no right to say this, I think it would be absolutely ridiculous to end 43 year relationship involving children and grandchildren over one instance of no-strings-attached sex at the beginning of the relationship.

That brings me to my next point. I feel like a huge hypocrite because if the situation was reversed and my wife told me she cheated on me back in high school, I would divorce her instantly as I would view the relationship to be based on a lie and I would be shocked with how she could conceal it for so long.

My hypocrisy and the fact that I would divorce her if the situation was reversed is the main factor that makes me want to confess, but practically, I know my confession would only torpedo the happy life we built together, even though based on my cheating and keeping it hidden for so long, part of that happiness is an illusion. She thinks we're each other's one and only, but she has no idea I actually had sex with another person besides her. Should I confess or continue taking it to the grave? If so, how do I deal with this guilt?
I'm aware I'll be attacked in the comments, I deserve it for being a cheating coward.

Ride The Gravitron posted:

La Brea Carpet posted:

Hey, I have this 30-year-old hand grenade and want to pull then pin and toss it at my loving, caring wife.


tl;dr: I cheated on my wife, whom I've been with for 43 years and had 6 children with, one time in high school and have kept it hidden ever since. The guilt is eating me alive but I know confessing is the right thing to do, even though it would needlessly ruin our life together.

La Brea Carpet posted:

Hey, I have this 30-year-old hand grenade and want to pull then pin and toss it at my loving, caring wife.

Ride The Gravitron posted:

I [25M] turned down a friend [24MtF]. She's telling people I'm transphobic


Hi, me and my friend who I will call Jade attended school together and have been friends for many years. She is one of the only people I still keep in contact with from school.

I have been warned in the past that when Jane was known as "Luke" at school, that she had a crush on me. I always played it down because we were close friends, and she never came across to me that way.

So Jane had the surgery recently. I was happy for her, until she started coming on strong. She told me how she's always wanted me, but before she didn't have the right "assets" to get me (her words, not mine).

I told her no, I'm not interested. She has been my friend for years and I've never had romantic affection for her. I didn't say this but my reasoning is that just because she is now also biologically a woman, I'm not going to change how I feel about her (I didn't say it because I wouldn't know how to word it and afraid I'd offend her in some way).

She blocked me on facebook. I thought maybe it's for the best, because people must have been right that she's been harboring feelings for me for years. I thought that it would be easier for her to get over me if we went No contact. Then I got a screenshot from another friend of a status by Jane, calling me transphobic and how people like me are scum of the Earth etc. I don't see what I did wrong at all, to me she's the friend I've had for years and male or female isn't going to change my feelings for her.

tl;dr: Friend had a crush on me for years that they never mentioned. She had a sex change operation and thought because she's now biologically female, I would be interested. I turned her down because I'm not just going to grow romantic feelings for a friend because she changed to the gender I am into, and just and will always see her as a friend. She badmouthed me on a status and people are attacking me for it. Help?

WampaLord posted:

Oh my god, he did it when they were 17 and they've been married for that long?

Take that poo poo to the grave my dude. Get therapy for the guilt. Telling her is the ultimate mistake.

Pvt.Scott posted:

The best outcome of confessing is his wife laughing and then telling him about the time the entire football team had a go at her.

Ride The Gravitron posted:

Girl [24F] I was in love with, dumped me [27F] after 5 years because I'm too short...and she wanted to "give her future kid a chance at good genetics"



I dated this girl for 5 years. I'm 5'8"...shes 5'1" . I'm pretty skinny too...and I'd say average attractiveness. She's really attractive. My family is all shorter than me. Her family is fairly short as well.

We always joked/talked about our future kids and family. It was never a serious conversation...but she'd always bring up jokingly how our kids "wouldn't have a chance" because of our height. Then I'd say like "yea but at least they'd both be smart". And we'd carry on planning out their pretend future.

Well...I think recently its become not a joke to her. She always told me she imagined having her first kid by 27/28. Seems like she realized if that was gonna happen, she needed to start scoping out someone who would be a suitable future husband/baby daddy now.

So she left me. She didn't specifically say it was over the height/genetics thing...but pretty much hinted thats the reason.

We had a couple breaks...and I know her past boyfriends were all 6'2"+ ...and the guys she's spoken to since we broke up are all 6'2"+ . I

Its one thing being dumped...its another because your genetics aren't worthy of her future kids. Not sure how to get past this one.

TL;DR Got dumped because I have lovely genetics. Feelsbadman.

Edit I should add, I don't think she's "crazy" persay, she's in med school right now and insanely smart. She loves science and knows a ton about genetics.

Dial-a-Dog posted:

If that was the actual reason she dumped him then my man dodged a bullet, because that is shallow and crazy. Like, if you're short and you're happy then who cares if you don't have tall kids? He mentions that they've had "breaks" (ugh) though, so probably their relationship was just garbo anyway and he should've moved on earlier

WampaLord posted:

It was 100% not the actual reason. She stayed with him for 5 years, his height was clearly not an issue. Dude is projecting all his insecurity onto a running joke they had.

La Brea Carpet posted:

Hey, I have this 30-year-old hand grenade and want to pull then pin and toss it at my loving, caring wife.


tl;dr: I cheated on my wife, whom I've been with for 43 years and had 6 children with, one time in high school and have kept it hidden ever since. The guilt is eating me alive but I know confessing is the right thing to do, even though it would needlessly ruin our life together.

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

When they started dating he was 6'4

quote:

So I don't even know where to begin because there's so much To say, and I don't know who to vent to or if I should even talk about this stuff. While I do see where she's coming from, I also very much disagree with it all...

First of all, we've been dating for 6 years and married now for one. While we have a lot of issues, one of the most serious ones seems to be finances.

She was raised in a "traditional" sense where the man is the bread winner, and takes care of the wife and family financially, whereas I am more of a 50/50 type of person and feel both partners should pull equal weight and split all bills and joint expenses evenly. She has always had a huge problem with this.. she simply does not agree with this set-up even though we've been splitting our expenses for YEARS. And it's pretty clear that she's been resenting me this whole time for it. We've always made similar incomes throughout college.

Now that we've graduated, we have grown up jobs with grown up salaries, and we continue to bicker over bills. I've since agreed to pay all the utility bills to keep the peace. I really don't make much more than her. We make roughly the same amount of money with almost identical bills: car note, insurance, cell phone etc.

TLDR: Wife firmly believes that I should pay for MOST of our household bills and expenses. She agrees to help pay some of the bills, but ultimately it will be my responsibility. I know that it's pretty common for men to do this, but why do I feel so uneasy about this scenario? Am I wrong to expect her to contribute equally to bills or am I not really a "man" unless I pay for most of everything?

WoodrowSkillson posted:

lol this dude is a giant idiot

WampaLord posted:

It was 100% not the actual reason. She stayed with him for 5 years, his height was clearly not an issue. Dude is projecting all his insecurity onto a running joke they had.

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

Wife and I still can't figure out how to handle our finances and it's tearing us apart. Need an outside perspective.

WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:

Wife and I still can't figure out how to handle our finances and it's tearing us apart. Need an outside perspective.
Thank god they got married!

quote:

My boyfriend yesterday had to get something removed. For the life of me I can't remember what it's actually called, but it was like a pink lump. The doctor cut a large chuck of his skin out and has stitches because of it. So he's already in a pretty bad mood because the pain is starting to set in.

My roommate thought it would be funny to hit him where the bandage was, because she was just trying to have a good time was her excuse. It started to bleed and he started to curse at everyone. She does not understand why he is so upset and why he won't talk to her despite being asked not to right now.

TL;DR: Friend is stupid and not listening.

WampaLord posted:

This one doesn't even really have a question but I have to post it:

My [21F] boyfriend [21M] had to have a piece of skin removed. My friend [20F] punched him where the wound is and two of his stitches popped. she seriously does not understand why he's so angry.


How does a 20 year old do this?

WampaLord posted:

So what the gently caress is she spending her money on? Just clothes and makeup and poo poo for herself?

WampaLord posted:

This one doesn't even really have a question but I have to post it:

My [21F] boyfriend [21M] had to have a piece of skin removed. My friend [20F] punched him where the wound is and two of his stitches popped. she seriously does not understand why he's so angry.


How does a 20 year old do this?

Dial-a-Dog posted:

Probably, I like to assume the posters are at least partially correct about their problems, but as we've seen from a bunch of these shorter dude posts, if they're insecure about it it's basically the cause of every issue in their life in their mind

WampaLord posted:

This one doesn't even really have a question but I have to post it:

My [21F] boyfriend [21M] had to have a piece of skin removed. My friend [20F] punched him where the wound is and two of his stitches popped. she seriously does not understand why he's so angry.


How does a 20 year old do this?

Ride The Gravitron posted:

quote:

I love my boyfriend dearly. We've been dating almost two years.
We were both virgins when we met and very slow to do anything sexual, at least by modern standards. Our sex life is handjobs/fingering, though we've had PiV a couple of times and I've given him oral sometimes.
We're currently long distance for the summer (both in grad school and living with parents in different states). Recently (the last six months or so) we haven't had much of a sex life. I feel like I have to beg for him to do anything, and he's said he's felt coerced.
I decided to have one last talk with him about it. He says (and he's been saying this for a while) that he's not interested because I have low self-esteem and cry about myself a lot. It's true, I do, but most of that low self-esteem is caused by him not wanting me. How am I supposed to feel pretty or worthy? It's a vicious cycle. Also, I find it really hard to believe that this inhibits his sexual attraction to me. Is sexual attraction about attitude and self-esteem as well as looks? Because I've always felt like he's just saying this because I'm ugly.
Now, about the porn. I've never watched or read porn before. He used to watch it before we met, but gave it up when he started dating me (he saw it as infidelity). However, after hearing this from my boyfriend, that he keeps insisting my self-esteem is the reason for his lack of sex drive instead of telling me the truth, it makes me want to shelve sex forever and replace it with porn. Would this help me satisfy my urges? Is it a good long-term replacement? Or is there a better way of going about this?
P.S. I told him I was considering watching porn and he didn't say anything for or against it.
I've been to counseling, it's helped a little, but not very much. I'd like to solve these things myself without going back.
tl;dr: Boyfriend isn't into sex with me, breaking up is not an option, can I replace him as a sex partner with porn?

quote:

"Is sexual attraction about attitude and self-esteem as well as looks?"
Yes, totally. Why would you think it isn't?

quote:

I've never seen it that way. My boyfriend is handsome to me, so I'm sexually attracted to him. Apparently it's more complex to him.

quote:

It's not really that complex. Who in their right mind is attracted to low self-esteem / frequent crying?

quote:

I just didn't think that factored in? I thought if a guy didn't want to have sex with his girlfriend, it meant she's fat and ugly.

quote:

Because we're getting engaged next week.

quote:

My relationship is ideal in every other facet.

quote:

He likes sex, we just have only done it a handful of times so it hasn't felt good for either of us yet.

quote:

I used to work in Seoul, and I was once asked out by someone pretty well known over there. We exchanged numbers, went out for drinks, and that was it. I had to move back for another job opportunity here in Canada, but even if I had stayed I'm 95% sure the one date would have amounted to nothing.
To be honest, I haven't given much thought to it since. I'm not super hot or anything and he was the first and only ~famous person to ask me out, but I guess I just don't really care? He was nice and all, and we clicked really well, but I knew going into it that anything between us would never work. Plus there was a bit of a language barrier.
He did kiss me, which was kinda cool, but nothing else happened.
Fast forward a year. I meet my now boyfriend through a colleague of mine and we've been together ever since. I love him. He's everything I could ever ask for in a partner, and I tell him as much all the time. Sometimes through words, but most of the time through actions. We took that love language quiz once and we both scored the highest on acts of service, which came as no surprise.
When we first started dating, we decided we wouldn't jump into long, drawn stories of our past relationships. We wanted to leave the past in the past. I was perfectly okay with that. That said, he still knows of the guys I've seriously dated/been with, and vice versa.
I didn't tell him about the Korean guy because we only went on the one date and there was no physical relationship worth mentioning. Just one kiss. Both my boyfriend and I have kissed tons of people. Going through that list is both pointless and a giant waste of time. That said, when he found out I went on a date with that guy, he lost his poo poo.
We were at my family's Christmas party, and my sister who's really into kpop right now, mentioned something about me and that guy. My boyfriend immediately perked his ears up and asked how I knew that guy, what happened, etc. I probably shouldn't have brushed it off, but I didn't want to get into it while we were in the presence of my family. On Christmas. I waited until we were back at home in our apartment. We got really deep into it. He kept asking me detail after detail, which is completely unlike him. He's usually really easygoing and takes whatever you say at face value, but that night he really dug into me. He was asking crazy poo poo like, "Did you gently caress him? Did you want to gently caress him? Did he try to gently caress you? Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why would you keep something like this from me? Yes, of course, it matters." A whole lot of that.
I tried my best to give him answers but he kept interrupting me with the next set of questions. The conversation was pretty one-sided. In the two years we've been together, I've never experienced this side of him before. He's usually really calm, collected, levelheaded. But I guess he was triggered by the information. I do know one of his ex's had cheated on him with a professional hockey player, but he didn't seem too bothered by it when he told me.
It's been a week and a half now, and he's still acting strange towards me. We barely talk anymore and we haven't been physical with each other since. I've tried talking to him, but he keeps avoiding me, and whenever I try to initiate sex he tells me he's too tired. I'm sure he'll come around with time, but I want to know if there's anything I can do to speed up the process. Reassure him that what happened three years ago meant nothing then and means nothing now. He's the one I want. Not some random guy I had dinner with once and barely know.
On another note, I spoke with my best friend and she thinks that he is acting childish and that I have nothing to apologize for. The exact text she sent me, "It was one date. He's being dramatic. He should be the one to apologize to you for nearly causing a scene in front of your family." In some ways I agree with her, but given the fact that my boyfriend was cheated on with another famous guy, I can kind of understand his reaction to my going on a date with someone famous. It was before I had even met my boyfriend, but still.
I don't know. What should I do?
tl;dr I went on one date with some random singer three years ago. It didn't amount to anything beyond a kiss. I've been with my now boyfriend for two years. We've told each other about all of the serious relationships we've had, but not every individual date. He found out I dated that guy and got really upset that I kept it from him. It wasn't something I kept from him on purpose. I just didn't see the point of bringing it up seeing as it didn't amount to anything beyond one date and one kiss. Whenever I try to talk to him about this, he brushes me off. It's been over one week, nearly two. What can I do to help?

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

My (25/F) boyfriend (28/M) of two years is upset that I went on a date once with someone famous 3 years ago and didn't tell him.


the taint of kpop can never be washed clean

quote:

I do know one of his ex's had cheated on him with a professional hockey player, but he didn't seem too bothered by it when he told me.