La Brea Carpet posted:

Also, gold from the comments:

I've hooked up with and dated a couple tall very skinny dudes. One I liked to pick up and swing around but he said it made him feel emasculated haha

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

That dude is a dull wet noodle. I'd crack up all the time if I were him and my girlfriend swung me around.

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

That dude is a dull wet noodle. I'd crack up all the time if I were him and my girlfriend swung me around.

quote:

Ladies, what can a guy do to incite more positive responses in online dating

So, like many guys on here, I don't have many success stories when it comes to dating, so naturally I've resorted to online dating (OkCupid and Tinder).

The biggest problem I have is my lack of success in real life has given me no good starting points for if I find a profile I like. That, plus contradictory advice ultimately leads to conversations that just go nowhere.

Now, I appreciate it's a different ball game for women as you're typically getting dozens of messages a day so you can afford to be picky, but after over a year and still no luck, I feel that I must be doing something wrong.

For the record, I would say I'm reasonably attractive. Obviously that's up to women to decide, but I keep myself clean and tidy, though I suffer in the height department (5'6), which I've constantly been told is something to never mention on my profile, while others say I should embrace it (just one example of contradictory advice).

As for first messages, on OkCupid I usually go for the passive like and visit to give her the chance to check me out first. My first message is usually something along the lines of "hey wassup" or a compliment of either their tastes or just their photos in general (e.g. I like your tattoos/good to see that you like Metallica).

If it's Tinder, then to break the ice I'll usually just go for a gif (e.g. Joey from Friends saying "How you doing").

Now 75% of the time this is enough to get a response of some sort (positive or negative) and conversation tends to write itself, however, I struggle the most with sealing the deal.
I do struggle with telling a woman that I'm attracted to her, mostly because I don't want to come on too strong or seem desperate. Whereas, some people say you have to be very assertive (more contradicting advice).

The best I've done is get a girl's number, arrange a date and for her to then say "hey I can't make it, can we arrange it for next week?", which I know is almost always a red flag. Sometimes I give them the benefit of the doubt, only to be stood up.

Now, I appreciate there's "plenty more fish in the sea" and "no-one owes me anything", but after so long and being stuck in the same old cycle, I'm really at my wits end.
/r/relationships, just give it to me straight.

TL;DR I suck at sealing the deal, how can I not suck at online dating?

Edit: Alright, I get it. "Hey wassup" is not a good opener. Maybe move past that and stick to more constructive advice?

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

If you were going to prison for 20 years, and you could only bring one season of frasier dvds, which one would it be and why?

gentle pete posted:

The girl [25F] I [28M] am dating wraps her head into a cloth every time we're about to have sex. She's not a muslim. I'm very confused

gentle pete posted:

The girl [25F] I [28M] am dating wraps her head into a cloth every time we're about to have sex. She's not a muslim. I'm very confused

Electric Sugar posted:

She's obviously a muslin.

quote:

The only games he liked to play are the crane games. Which he played like a loving crack addict. He would pump $20 into a machine and keep grabbing the SAME drat SPOT hoping for it to work. I offered some advice but he wasnt having it. Then, it happened. After watching him fail 5x in a row I reached for the controls saying "Here, let me try to-"

"NO!"

"ITS MINE! What are you trying to do?! Steal my GLORY!?"

Literally screamed this in my face.

bone app the teeth posted:

Not reddit but from imgur: http://imgur.com/gallery/QDCPE

tl;dr autist visits his brother in japan. it's really long so i won't paste the whole thing here.

quote:

We were in a crowded street walking and talking and he randomly mentioned "bukkake". I asked him to please dont say that, its SUPER embarassing. He tried explaining why he said BUKKAKE, and its no big deal they probably dont know what he's saying..BUKKAKE BUKKAKE..as I slowly sidestepped away while dying inside. I told him that word IS A JAPANESE WORD, please dont say that. Queue awkward silence on the train...

Pick posted:

It's me, I want to gently caress a skeleton

gentle pete posted:

The girl [25F] I [28M] am dating wraps her head into a cloth every time we're about to have sex. She's not a muslim. I'm very confused

Tolkien minority posted:

i mean i would think (hope?) most people on average arent attracted to anorexically thin people just cause its super unhealthy

Pick posted:

I always thought that Oz was a really bad show,

Pick posted:

It's me, I want to gently caress a skeleton

YeahTubaMike posted:

i'm guessing that she's black and has her hair natural

not sure why he wouldn't just ask her about it, but hey

gentle pete posted:

lmfao

quote:

I [25F] want to vacation in Japan. Bf [30M] doesn't want to because he has a Japanese woman/scat porn fetish and says he couldn't handle the temptation.

I have expressed how much I want to go to Japan to my boyfriend of 1yr 9 months. I've tried finding a friend to go with, but they can't afford it and I want to go before summer because I start grad school in Fall. Bf says he doesn't want to go because he would want to have sex with all the women and watch live scat porn shows in Japan. He's willing to travel elsewhere (like Europe, within the US). He has said that he would only go to Japan if he were single and could have sex with women there.

Not sure how to feel. Should I respect his opinion.. or be offended that he is a pig/doesn't want to suck it up and do it for me?

Anyone have insight on this issue?

Also, do they even do live fetish porn shows there?
tl;dr: I want to go to Japan. Bf doesn't because he says he'll be too tempted by the cute women/possibility of watching live fetish porn. How would you feel?

Tears In A Vial posted:

Tears In A Vial posted:

extra row of teeth posted:

I could actually understand this weird cloth behavior then. Natural hair that isn't glued down can look loving awful, at least to yourself, and of course sex would release it from its hair gel bonds and make it go all over the place. More power to natural women but gently caress all of that, that is why perms exist

Professor Shark posted:

Why do people tell the truth so often?!

Menstural Cyclone posted:

Not to be pedantic and just slightly on topic, but as someone with natural/curly hair I was genuinely confused by your description of natural hair and also was horrified at the idea people would go away thinking that's what natural hair means. I can't tell if you're mixing up glued in extensions and or wigs glued down lace fronts with natural hair or if you have a very limited idea and weird way of describing what natural hair is... By gel bonds and glued down were you trying to describe how some people with natural hair use gel? Because even then I wouldn't call it "glued down." And I know you're probably being facetious with that last sentence, but yes, perms exist, but some people, surprisingly, like how their hair looks natural even if it is a hassle or don't want a permanent change to their hair that's damaging.

Anyhow, yes, wrapping natural hair is a thing since curly hair + lot of motion + possibly sweat = frizz bomb. But also even if her hair was permed or relaxed, she would still probably be wearing a headwrap for sleep or sex to protect her processed hair and the styling.

Tears In A Vial posted:

Tolkien minority posted:

couldnt he have thought of another reason, like any other reason possible, to tell his girl friend? like say he has a phobia of anime or something idk

quote:

Divorced for 3 years. She has primary physical custody, I have joint legal and visitation. My parents aren't mentioned at all in our decree/ custody agreement. It doesn't mention a religion or belief at all in our decree but it does say we are to try to agree wherever possible. It does give her the last say if an agreement can not be reached but I think it means in schooling and medical stuff.

It recently came to my attention that my ex wife was upset after hearing that my parents have begun teaching our son about God. She disagrees which is her right but she recently started telling my son, after asking me to talk to my parents and ask them to cut the religious teaching out, outside of a rare bible bedtime story here and there, that my father and mother (his grandparents) are liars. I also found out that after they refused to stop with the teaching that she has bought him books about god not existing and telling him regularly that god is just a story and that my father is wrong.

My father sat our son down and told him she was the liar. And he went home and told his mother she was liar and was going to hell and now we have a big issue.

My problem is that I don't mind my parents raising him in the way I was raised and I benefit from them financially so as long as I share a house with them I am required, along with my son, to pray and attend church.

She admits there isn't much she can do about what happens during my time but he has been coming over the house with those books about different beliefs and no beliefs (which my father burned) and disrespecting my parents saying that "mommy says I don't have to believe if I don't want to" and that there are others ways to believe.

She has also told my father that it is unfair to completely indoctrinate a five year old and tell him his mommy is a sinner. Which I asked him not to do but he said it was his house.

She is asking for her books back but I told her we burned them.

Since all this has started happening, she has been restricting my time to the court appointed time only - not giving us any of the extra time she normally would which means I only get to see him six days a week.
I am trying to prevent a blow up between her and my parents but she is not meeting me in the middle.

Is there anyway that the no harassment/bother clause in our custody agreement would extend to her teaching our son that my father is a liar or sending over books with him that she knows will infuriate him?
(Her new husband is culturally Jewish and she is atheist, I think, but she claims she isn't, she just doesn't believe but sometimes they celebrate Jewish holidays with her husband but she says they aren't religious celebrations but I don't know. I am hearing this all second hand).

Right now, my father write her checks for my child support. I am unable to pay on my own. And she is returning them and refusing to accept them as she considers it overstepping.

Also, she made the decision to move to a town about 36 miles away (our decree says up to 35) that she says is a better school in a safer town. It would definitely limit the time he could spend at my house as it would extend my drive time. Would 1 mile matter? When I told her she said they are technically within the 35 mile radius from their old house but are 40 from mine and 25 from the city line. The decree just says 35 miles period, no explanation.
So my questions are:

What can I do about her not accepting my dad's check? Is there anyway to keep her from calling my dad a liar? Could my dad get in trouble for calling her husband names because he is jewish? Would that effect my custody time since I have to live in their house? What about my dad calling her a sinner? Can she move 36 miles away when the decree says 35?

Thanks for your help! I am not really knowledgeable about this stuff and can't afford a lawyer so any advice would be helpful. I know I should know some of this but I am just so new at this. Did not expect to be dealing with a divorce this young.

quote:

He didn't really say anything apart from telling our son that she is wrong and a sinner. He wrote jew lover on the memo line of three of her most recent checks. She returned them and has refused to take any further payment from him.

I get what you are saying. I definitely don't want a fight and I don't want to lose any mor etime with my son at all. It just feels like they both throwing flames here and my son and I are caught in the middle and just want everyone to get along.

quote:

I don't agree with the things he is saying but I know she is making it worse by calling him a liar. I think it is just a thing that go out of hand when she had to step in and tell my son his parents were lying. they didn't even mention anythign related to her husband or her being wrong or a sinner until she did that. I guess it isn't relevant but she isn't helping. But I get what you are saying. I agree with his stance on relgion but he has taken it too far.

SpiderHyphenMan posted:

at a fat 30 year old white guy with a scat fetish walking up to a doorman on Yakuza payroll and whispering about where to find the literal shitshow like it's free real estate.