Sperghetti posted:

I'm going to do something a little unorthodox here...and side with the lovely husband! I'm going to assume wife let herself go after getting married and blew up like a repulsive loving whale. Been there brother, good luck

Sperghetti posted:

I'm going to do something a little unorthodox here...and side with the lovely husband! I'm going to assume wife let herself go after getting married and blew up like a repulsive loving whale. Been there brother, good luck

Dial-a-Dog posted:

One of my favorite parts of this thread is when goons will, apropos of nothing, project all over a post and reveal their own lovely lives, so thanks

Pick posted:

gentle pete posted:

Dial-a-Dog posted:

One of my favorite parts of this thread is when goons will, apropos of nothing, project all over a post and reveal their own lovely lives, so thanks

Dial-a-Dog posted:

That's hilarious, like literally the only thing you're supposed to be putting down that feeding tube is professionally formulated mixtures made for feeding tubes. Some insurance even pays for it, why would you even want to put soylent down there

quote:

Hello,
I was at a state fair with my husband last weekend. Lots of people, lots of drinking going on, but pretty much all lots of fun.
A couple younger boys came along and bumped into us who were obviously way too drunk. I at first assumed we would keep walking and not think twice about 2 drunkies at a state fair. But for whatever reason they decided to pick on my husband. Saying he wasn't worth me and I was too hot for him. After saying several lewd things to me and berating my husband and calling him names, one even got close enough to grab/spank one of my butt cheeks.
I expected him to come to my rescue. But no... nothing. I looked over and he had his head down afraid to even look up. After they pawed me and further made fun of him, they made him actually apologize to them for messing with their night. And he did. No fight. No backtalk. They told him he should say it, and he did.
My husband has always been sweet and it's part of why I love him. But I can't look at him the same way. Seeing him totally submissive to another man (young teen no less) makes me sick when I look at him now. He has even become more "submissive" with anyone who raises their voice slightly with him, including me.
How do I look at my husband and see a man when he refuses to stand up for himself and not even protect me from a couple drunk teens.
tl;dr: husband was emasculated by teens. I can't see him as a man anymore.

quote:

I [26 F] played a pregnancy prank on my Boyfriend [32 M] of 4 months: Now he won't stop making comments about having a baby. Need your opinion.

Maybe convince me this is a bad idea.

I've been dating "C" for 4 months. So far it's been a great relationship--my most stable one yet. C treats me like a princess and does a lot to show me he cares about me.

C has two daughters from two long term relationships. My concern is that neither one of those relationships worked out and he did not marry either one of the mothers of his daughters. He however is a great and very involved father and the time is split equally.

His oldest daughter and his mom went to a prank store when C and I started dating and found a positive pregnancy kit prank. They bought it and gave it to me and asked me to play the prank on him. For Christmas, I wrapped it up as a gift and played the prank on him in front of his family. Since we have only been dating a few months, I thought he would be completely freaked out. His reaction was the total opposite. He was excited and super happy. He went on and on about all the things we needed to start buying. After we gave him news that we were playing a prank on him, he became disappointed. Since this incident he has been joking around about how he is going to work extra hard to dislodge my IUD and that he thinks I should take it out and have a baby with him.

These comments are a little hard for me to hear because I am almost 27 and for the past couple of years I have been going through some baby fever. I was married for a few years and my ex-husband and I were going to start trying for a baby in 2016. Part of me feels like I want a baby, but I would want to be in a totally secure relationship. I would not want to end up as a third baby mama. I have brought this concern up and he tells me that he agrees things should be done correctly but that a functioning relationship takes two.

How do I ignore these comments so that I do not cave? I am afraid of getting older, not having a steady relationship, and getting too old for kids. I would preferably like to have one before 30.

tl;dr: Played a pregnancy prank on my boyfriend. Now he keeps making comments about having a baby with him. How to deal with these comments?

gentle pete posted:

Dial-a-Dog posted:

There are some hosed up abuse stories on the top of the sub today, so I did a "prank" search for some levity


Boy did that one backfire, "You thought you got me, but instead I'm gonna make you desperately want to get knocked up in a 4 month old relationship, reverse pranked!"

gentle pete posted:

quote:

My [23 M] brother [27] asked me to be his best man but I'm scared to because of a fetish

To start off I'm incredibly honored that he asked me to fill this role. I know he has at least a dozen close friends he could have chosen. My first, more easily overcome, problem with accepting is that I have fairly severe social anxiety, but with enough prep I think I can overcome it. The second, somewhat unique issue I face is that I have an intense fetish regarding suits. I've avoided them like the plague my entire life because I'm guaranteed to have unexpected erections if I'm wearing one. I'd really like to accept the role but I don't want to mess up his wedding.

tl;dr: I don't want to have to decline being my brother's best man but I'm unsure if I can overcome my social anxiety and hide my random boners and not ruin his wedding.

Edit: Thanks for the advice guys. Definitely will be getting some compression underwear.

Dial-a-Dog posted:

I don't even remember how I found this but I knew I had to share it

quote:

I [17M] scared my brother [14M] and got knocked out. My parents have no sympathy.

My brother ever since he was a child has been scared of this painting downstairs. It was our grandmother painting and it means alot to our mother so he puts up with it. It's a picture of a woman in black and white with these bright blue eyes as the only color in the painting. He says the way the eyes look just creep him out.

Last night I wanted to play a prank on him. I heard him coming downstairs to the kitchen. I had this app that simulates creepy sounds like a girl laughing. It was completely dark apart from the kitchen light. I was hiding behind the Sofa and I pressed the sound for a woman laughing. I heard him say Hello. I waited a minute before pressing the second laughing option. I heard him say gently caress and he ran upstairs.

He came backdownstairs a little while later and he was with our older sister 18F. She was telling him he was being stupid. I snuck out from behind with a Krumpus masked on. She screamed, he turned around. He kicked me knee out and then kicked me in my face and knocked me out. Fast forward and my parents have no sympathy for me.

My mother even took my brother and was saying "Poor baby, is your foot sore?"

TL;DR: Parents have no sympathy.

Anony Mouse posted:

Literally a Louis CK sketch.

I [32f] can't look at my husband [35m] the same way after he was emasculated in altercation.

Dial-a-Dog posted:

Another prank backfires

Khorne posted:

Why is he posting this tale of self ownage on r/relationships? It's funny and a good story to tell for him, but he needs to understand that his brother did nothing wrong and he brought it upon himself.

Anony Mouse posted:

Haha I love this. What a loving lovely "prank". I hope he takes it to the logical extreme of convincing her to try for a baby while secretly getting a vasectomy, getting her really excited about having a baby, faking a positive pregnancy test, going to the doctor to do an ultrasound and instead of a beautiful baby boy the words "lol got u bitch" pop onto the screen.

quote:

My [24M] girlfriend [24F] went way too far pranking her male friend [24M] and now I'm wondering if the pranks are flirtation after all

My girlfriend of 2 years has had this male friend for a while, his name is Declan and I'm not his biggest fan but I didn't want to impede on the friendship. So she told me last week that Declan pranked her by calling her up and pretending to be Jack Nicholson with one of those soundboards, so she wants to 'get him back.' So as a 'joke' the next time we were over at his place she used his landline to call a sex hotline that charged by the minute and then just left the phone there. Declan gets charged like $200 for it.

So Declan strikes back at her again (at this point they're still just being "goofy" and I don't really mind). He comes over to her place for a party she was throwing, then hides this creepy decapitated doll in her closet. She finds it, freaks out, but then starts laughing.

Now she wants to prank Declan even harder, so she knows he's scared of clowns and she literally makes this giant paper mache clown statue that's hollow on the inside. She wants to put it in his house (apparently his roommate will let her in or something) then hide in it all night and then pop out of it as soon as he notices it.

So, I tell her this seems a little extreme but she does it anyway. Fast forward to that night. I get a call from my girlfriend because Declan apparently punched her in the face as soon as he saw her pop out of the clown thing, totally as a knee-jerk reaction because he didn't know it was her. Her nose wound up getting broken, she had to go to the hospital.

Now she's fine (although she is still wearing a splint) but she wants to continue pranking Declan. At this point should I put my foot down? She is actually getting injured and it makes me wonder if she just likes being around him so much that she is using the pranks as an excuse.

tl;dr: Girlfriend is in "prank war" with her best male friend, is it leading up to an emotional affair?

quote:

Update: My [24M] girlfriend [24F] is going too far pranking her friend Declan [24M]

Didn't think I'd have to do an update so soon after posting my OP, but here goes. first post
I talked to my girlfriend about Declan and I told her that the pranks are getting dangerous, and she is unreasonably close to a guy she's only known for such a short amount of time (she refers to him as "her brother" and her "BFF" but it's literally been 5 months).

I thought she would react in a mature way, but instead she said (almost word for word): "This is why I am always pranking Declan. At least Declan has a good sense of humor. I wouldn't even need to hang out with Declan if you weren't so uptight." So, at least now I have confirmation that she hangs out with Declan specifically because she thinks I am not good enough.

We wind up having a screaming match, and the door rings so she goes to get it. It's this guy in a giant gorilla costume, who barges in and starts humping all our furniture. Immediately I assume it's loving Declan, so I (keep in mind I was already extremely angry) punch him in the face.

He takes off the mask, it's Declan's roommate Chad. Apparently Declan paid Chad $100 to scare us in the gorilla suit as a diversion, because he was right behind Chad. While Chad was humping our furniture, Declan snuck into our bedroom and put ham underneath the mattress cover.

So I tell both of these dudes to get the gently caress out and stop pranking us. I thought I was finally standing up to Declan when finally my girlfriend tells me that the prank was "hilarious" and she's going to give me time to cool off. She leaves with Chad and Declan, and keep in mind Chad's nose is still bleeding and he's wearing the gorilla suit.

I haven't heard from her yet today, but I saw her post a picture of a bagel on Instagram this morning so I know she's awake. I still don't know where she slept last night or what happened with Declan.
I want to break up because I'm so angry but weirdly enough I still really love her (I can't help it) and I don't want to waste two years.

tl;dr: Girlfriend's annoying male friend pulled a stupid prank on us, girlfriend got mad at me for not finding it funny and left the apartment with him
EDIT: Looks like I am dumping her tonight. EDIT2: I will update again after I dump her

quote:

r/relationships 3d
Me [26 F] with my Boyfriend [32 M] of 4 months: Not sure if thoughts I am having about my boyfriend are extreme anxiety or if I am ignoring little red flags? Thoughts?

r/relationships 7d
I [26 F] played a pregnancy prank on my Boyfriend [32 M] of 4 months: Now he won't stop making comments about having a baby. Need your opinion.

r/relationships 15d
Me [26F] with my Boyfriend [32M] of 4 months: Caught him texting his very pretty co-worker and it feels suspicious. How do I approach this?

r/homeowners 28d
Parents kicking me out of house. Would like to purchase my own home but have no guidance. Help! (Florida)

r/relationships 42d
Me [26 F] with my new boyfriend [32 M] of 2 months: He has two different kids with two different women. Am I dealing with a womanizer?

r/relationships 60d
Me [26 F] with my new boyfriend [32 M] of 2 months: He's giving off a weird vibe. I feel a little confused...

r/relationships 74d
Me [26 F] with my [32 M] coworker/boyfriend of 1 month, people are telling me he's a player. Starting to freak me out.

r/relationships 105d
Me [26 F] with my Boyfriend [36 M] of 1 year, broke up and I am now seeing a co-worker. I am in a tough spot. Feeling guilty.

Demon Of The Fall posted:

Didn't he dump her and it was Chad that was trying to mack his girl and Declan turned out to be a cool guy? Then she got with chad

quote:

Well, this is the latest one:
Here. Spread it around! I can't believe I was removed!

For those of you who don't want to read the earlier posts, my girlfriend (now ex) got way too close to her male friend Declan through an infantile prank war, whose roommate Chad facilitated some of the pranks. I also want to say THANK YOU for the helpful PMs and comments of support, I got way too many to reply to all of them, but they were all helpful.
Sorry for updating so late, a lot has happened and it was 4th of July weekend.

The night of my previous post, I broke up with my girlfriend. I told her pretty much exactly what was suggested. I even told her hat I thought her behavior with Declan was already an emotional affair if not a physical one. Not surprisingly, she flipped out at me and told me I was being emotionally abusive and controlling. She told me that every ex-boyfriend she's had has been emotionally abusive and I fall right into that category. ok. lol
Because she's only "kind of" living with me and technically not on the lease (she's just slowly been staying here more often and has a key) it was pretty easy to kick her out. I wasn't sure if she was going to return to her old roommate, who has most of her stuff (her female friend) or if she'd start living with Declan and Chad (his roommate). When I asked her if she was going to move in with Declan, she told me it was no longer my business.

Anyway, so that night I tried to relax...I was pretty upset but pretty sure in my decision to dump her, and I felt like I could start new, meet someone else, etc. Then I got a bunch of random calls on my phone from a restricted number, when I picked up nobody was there. So I turned my phone on silent, figuring this was one of her immature schemes (tbh I still don't know who did it, I'm just assuming her or Declan) and in the morning I had 60 missed calls from restricted numbers.

In the morning I actually got a text from Declan asking to come over to pick up my girlfriend's stuff. So...yes, she moved in with him. I tried to be civil because I really just wanted to get her stuff out of my apartment, but I also wanted closure, so when he got here, I just told him that his relationship with her directly influenced the breakup, and that I know they're together now.
Now, this is where things get weird. Declan looks at me- surprised- and tells me that he doesn't think my girlfriend is into him, and that he definitely isn't into her. I told him to cut the crap, that it doesn't matter anymore. He seemed to be getting anxious and panicky, so I told him to calm down, i wasn't going to hurt him, I just wanted to know the deal. Then he tells me that he knows he directly contributed to our breakup, but not in the way I think--apparently it was Chad, not Declan, who wanted to bang my girlfriend. Chad was too shy and asked Declan to befriend my girlfriend and act as a "wingman." Declan has tons of female friends so Chad thought he would effectively gain her trust and be a good "in". Declan insisted the reason he kept pranking her and being goofy was because he was hoping it would paint their relationship as clearly non-romantic. Apparently Chad paid him back for all the times he had to lose money in a prank, and Chad was actually the one paying for my girlfriend's broken nose.

I told him "Well, that was a stupid plan because my girlfriend moved in with you specifically to be with you, so that sucks for all three of you." Declan got extremely upset and seemed to be practically shaking at the idea that my girlfriend had feelings for him, he was acting like he murdered someone.
So now my girlfriend (well, ex) is living with the guy she has a crush on (who has no feelings for her) and a guy who has a crush on her but was too creepy and weird to say it. I hope they all have fun together.

tl;dr: Dumped girlfriend, she moved in with Declan and it turns out Declan doesn't like her, Chad does.

La Brea Carpet posted:

Yup


The ultimate long con

Dial-a-Dog posted:

Well, I wanted to see if pregnancy prank girl had decided to have their prank baby so I looked at her post history and it is a pretty wild ride, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did

P-Mack posted:

Lu Bu is one of the only characters who listens to the opinions of women, which the novel directly identifies as a character flaw contributing to his downfall.

quote:

I'm [26f] having second thoughts about marrying my fiancé [27m] because I've always imagined my daughter would look like me and my sisters and we're an interracial couple.

I know it's horrible and shallow but it's so incredibly hard to look at childhood pictures of us with my mom and realize my daughter won't even have a chance of inheriting the distinctive, recessive traits my mom adores in us.

I love my fiancé and want to spend the rest of my life with him but I don't know how to marry that with the sharp regret I feel at the thought of not having the little girl I've dreamed of. I want to marry him without having this ugly secret wish eating at me.

tl;dr: I'm a horrible person who can't let go of the longstanding fantasy of having a daughter that looks like me and my sisters enough to appreciate the man I'm in love with. What do I do?

Gluten Freeman posted:

hmmm what could "distinctive recessive traits" possibly mean....

Gluten Freeman posted:

hmmm what could "distinctive recessive traits" possibly mean....

Gluten Freeman posted:

hmmm what could "distinctive recessive traits" possibly mean....