/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Kurtofan: Feb 16, 2011; hon hon hon

what a gallant gentleman he only ate her pussy, such restraint

# ? Jan 9, 2017 16:07

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# ? Jun 2, 2024 23:01

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

She'd cause him more grief if she told everyone his dick didn't work, which is actually not even a lie

# ? Jan 9, 2017 16:09

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Dude needs to be more clear here, too. Is "fat Sue" 300+ pounds fat or is she like 160 and he's used to skinny girls? Neither is defendable, but one makes him less of an rear end in a top hat.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 16:10

Lunchmeat Larry: Nov 3, 2012

he comes off way worse for not loving her lol

# ? Jan 9, 2017 16:15

mfcrocker: Jan 31, 2004; Hot Rope Guy

look sometimes you just gotta slam whale

also they super did have sex, he just didn't stick his dick in her. fair play for that, though gotta wonder how much of it is just disgust rather than being nice

# ? Jan 9, 2017 16:20

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Lawrence Gilchrist posted:

I can't parse this dang ol sentence

Eugenics is never about what is actually good for the human species, but rather the random and often deleterious preferences of the pogrom masters.

Huge titties don't actually do anything that tiny titties don't, from a species viewpoint, and actually cause quite a few health problems and can even impair physical dexterity. If Americans started up eugenics again, big titties would be at the top of the list for desired traits.

E: I think

# ? Jan 9, 2017 16:23

WoodrowSkillson: Feb 24, 2005; *Gestures at 60 years of Lions history*

Pvt.Scott posted:

big titties would be at the top of the list for desired traits.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 16:25

almightyerin: Apr 16, 2007; The one the only. Accept no substitutes.

Edit: oops, here it is...

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3453028

almightyerin fucked around with this message at 16:30 on Jan 9, 2017

# ? Jan 9, 2017 16:25

WoodrowSkillson: Feb 24, 2005; *Gestures at 60 years of Lions history*

"it took some forced sterilization, some mass deportations, and some elbow grease, but by god if there are not rockin titties from sea to shining sea" - President Saint West

# ? Jan 9, 2017 16:32

DrManiac: Feb 29, 2012

I guarantee that the only reason drunk dad even cares is because he's jealous of the stepdad being a better dad than it's possible for him to ever be.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 16:32

Dial-a-Dog: May 22, 2001

Pvt.Scott posted:

Eugenics is never about what is actually good for the human species, but rather the random and often deleterious preferences of the pogrom masters.

Huge titties don't actually do anything that tiny titties don't, from a species viewpoint, and actually cause quite a few health problems and can even impair physical dexterity. If Americans started up eugenics again, big titties would be at the top of the list for desired traits.

E: I think

Big titties and monster dicks, maybe on the same person? I don't know I'm not a scientist.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 16:32

Tiny Deer: Jan 16, 2012

Oh my God my favorite/least favorite part of that awful tale is the lavish detail he extends on making sure we know Sue is fat, like sooooooo fat, here are all the ways her huge, tall, fatty fat fat body disgusts me.

Like okay you don't have to be attracted to fat women, but something about graphically describing her naked body and how repulsive it was to him is just hosed up. It certainly doesn't make him sympathetic, especially since despite her hideousness he was still down to gently caress her bareback (!) until he found out she was a virgin.

Sue obviously still shouldn't lie about him...if she actually is lying.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 16:33

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Tiny Deer posted:

Sue obviously still shouldn't lie about him...if she actually is lying.

Honestly I don't think she even is. They basically did have sex, even if it was unsatisfying drunk sex.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 16:36

Dial-a-Dog: May 22, 2001

almightyerin posted:

Edit: oops, here it is...

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3453028

It's a real bummer the images are dead, one of the best parts of the story was going from "our place is a little messy there's some laundry around" to him posting pictures, after tidying up, of what looked like a garbage explosion in their rotting trailer

# ? Jan 9, 2017 16:36

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

The "lie" is her claim that he wooed and serenaded her with promises of a committed relationship after their frat party hookup, and I'd give better than even odds he actually did say that poo poo

# ? Jan 9, 2017 16:51

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Clark Nova posted:

The "lie" is her claim that he wooed and serenaded her with promises of a committed relationship after their frat party hookup, and I'd give better than even odds he actually did say that poo poo

Yea, what do you think they were talking about when he walked her back to her dorm and kissed her goodbye?

If you're actually not interested in continuing your one night mistake, just let them leave on their own.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 17:00

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

mfcrocker posted:

look sometimes you just gotta slam whale

also they super did have sex, he just didn't stick his dick in her. fair play for that, though gotta wonder how much of it is just disgust rather than being nice

100%, are you kidding me

# ? Jan 9, 2017 17:01

almightyerin: Apr 16, 2007; The one the only. Accept no substitutes.

Dial-a-Dog posted:

It's a real bummer the images are dead, one of the best parts of the story was going from "our place is a little messy there's some laundry around" to him posting pictures, after tidying up, of what looked like a garbage explosion in their rotting trailer

I remember that thread. Sagging floors, stacks of boxes with pathways through them, cat turds everywhere. He had this ridiculous expensive gaming pc that he'd bought that was worth more than the condemned trailer he lived in.

I couldn't find the thread where he turned it around though. It used to be his red title link.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 17:05

mfcrocker: Jan 31, 2004; Hot Rope Guy

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

100%, are you kidding me

yeah, reasonable :smith:

# ? Jan 9, 2017 17:07

Tiny Deer: Jan 16, 2012

Clark Nova posted:

The "lie" is her claim that he wooed and serenaded her with promises of a committed relationship after their frat party hookup, and I'd give better than even odds he actually did say that poo poo

Yeop.

Also his friends sound like a bunch of assholes, goddamn, leaving a bag of flour by his door with that awful note? Like Jesus Christ, Sue almost 100% heard about that and our princely narrator only brings it up as example of the totally sick burns his bros are laying down on him.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 17:17

WoodrowSkillson: Feb 24, 2005; *Gestures at 60 years of Lions history*

yeah his friends are dicks since even the broest of bros just go "eh everyone fucks a fat chick sometimes" and go on with their day.

everyone involved except the poor young woman is retarded

# ? Jan 9, 2017 17:20

Tiny Deer: Jan 16, 2012

My [19F] sister [19f] had the police called on her. She left her baby [1 month] in the car for close to 4 hours while she party'd. I don't know how to tell my parents.

quote:

My parents are in their 40's. My sister dropped out of college to have a baby with the man of her dreams. She had the baby and the two of them are party animals. Last night the police were called because other college students who were at this party saw the baby crying in her car. My sister and the father were drunk.

The police were called and now a whole poo poo storm has commenced. I don't know how much I can say about the legal stuff, which they're probably will be.

How do I tell my parents? They're both Lawyers, but considering it's a baby and their grandson. I doubt they're going to want to help her.

TL;DR: How do I tell my parents?

Look, it's the prequel gender swapped version of DUI Dad.

Fortunately:

quote:

I called mom. Dads driving down now and probably left 5 minutes ago to come talk to me in person. She said getting custody should not be to hard after what I told them of what I know is going on with the police.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 17:22

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

mfcrocker posted:

yeah, reasonable

fratboy dick is like a beery Jiminy Cricket, there to stop him and let him know it's wrong to let the chubby girl's first sexual experience be a drunken one-night stand with a guy who doesn't like her

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 17:26 on Jan 9, 2017

# ? Jan 9, 2017 17:23

P-Mack: Nov 10, 2007

Tiny Deer posted:

party'd

what the gently caress is this apostrophe doing

# ? Jan 9, 2017 17:25

WoodrowSkillson: Feb 24, 2005; *Gestures at 60 years of Lions history*

P-Mack posted:

what the gently caress is this apostrophe doing

partying shut up

# ? Jan 9, 2017 17:28

KomodoWagon: May 10, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Well if you didn't want to be in this mess then maybe you shouldn't have eaten all the brain nutrients in the womb, ms. evil twin

I mean, there obviously were not a lot to go around

# ? Jan 9, 2017 17:28

SpiderHyphenMan: Apr 1, 2010; by Fluffdaddy

P-Mack posted:

what the gently caress is this apostrophe doing

# ? Jan 9, 2017 17:30

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

lmao

Am I [19F] wrong for reacting this way to my boyfriend's friend's creepy actions and messaging me nonstop about a threesome we both made clear we don't want?

quote:

Long story short, my boyfriends friend (Andrew) used to have a massive crush on me long before my current boyfriend and I began a relationship, and I never felt a mutual attraction to Andrew.
Despite me getting into a new relationship, I still attempted to maintain a good and friendly relationship with Andrew even though it was a bit odd at the time and I'm starting to regret even attempting to be "just" friends with him since that seems to have made the situation much worse.

Ever since I began dating my boyfriend, it is clear that Andrew has been an emotional wreck. Being one of his only friends, I attempted to console him and help him believe that there was still somewhere out there for him and it wasn't the end of the world. He then texted me everyday how he was engulfed in a world of depression, followed by him sending me depressing quotes, notes that he had written on his phone describing his pain (he claimed that some of these he sent directly to me by "accident.")

I wish I would have realized that I should have quit responding immediately, but as a friend I was worried that there was a chance he may do something stupid and hurt himself or make himself even sadder, so I continued giving him advice even though it felt really weird.

Heres where the weird stuff began. Andrew brought up having a threesome with me and my boyfriend. He brought up the idea to ME first, not my boyfriend. At first, the request seemed to be nothing more than humorous, so I didn't think much of it at the time. I politely told him that having a threesome with him wasn't realistic at all, and hoped that would put an end to it joke or not.

Then he began pestering me everyday about it through text, but I still wasn't sure if he was being serious or not. But I was beginning to get REALLY frustrated with him going out of the way to text me about a threesome. I made it clear that neither my boyfriend or I wanted to have a threesome, but he continued to the point where it was making me extremely uncomfortable.

A couple days later, Andrew showed up at my boyfriend's house right before we had plans to go on a date out to eat. I was fine with seeing him, until he decided to tag along with us on our date. Andrew told us that he was coming, and if I didn't want him to come in our car he would drive to the restaurant himself. So, he ended up going out with us on our date which I honestly felt really weird about.

After the "date" we returned back to my boyfriend's house and I expected Andrew to leave at this point. I was very wrong, and he decided to stay with us for about another hour and a half. It was a very awkward experience too, because it was obvious that Andrew was distraught over me being with someone other than him, and sat there in silence a good amount of the time. I'm assuming at this point, my boyfriend wanted him to leave but didn't outright say it out of fear of being rude to his friend. After awhile he finally left, barely saying a word.

And after that day, he continued to text me about threesomes, saying that he's been reading a bunch of guides about it and saying that he would be a good match for us because he's a close friend. This was the final straw for me, and I told him that he needs to stop (this wasn't the first time I had told him) and that I was feeling harassed by him. I also told him that I had already talked to a bunch of my friends about how he's been treating me and they all agree that he is very disrespectful and other similar things.

My boyfriend was feeling pretty upset about it too, since his best friend was going so much out of his way to have sex with his girlfriend and was taking it way too far. He talked to him about it, and Andrew kept claiming it was just a joke. To top it all off, Andrew suggested that he should pretend to commit suicide and have my boyfriend go along with it just to make me feel like a horrible person for "exposing" him to my friends.
I have begun to believe that Andrew is crazy and I've tried to cut all communication with him completely. That was until tonight, he texted me saying sorry. But within his giant paragraph of a text, all he was doing was blaming me for everything, saying that he thought I was immature, that he thought he could trust me with his secrets, and all these terrible things that made him look like the victim. I texted him back saying not to text me anymore, and he kept texting me until I threatened to block him, but I fear that he's right and I'm overreacting.

I feel in this moment I have nobody to talk to, not even my boyfriend because he's not doing anything about his friend being a total creep to me aside from the very first time he spoke to Andrew about it. What should I do in this situation? Sorry for the wall of text but I really just needed to vent and get some answers. Thanks!

Tl;dr: My boyfriend's friend has been relentlessly harassing me about having a threesome with us, even though we made it VERY clear we are both opposed to it. He refuses to stop messaging me about it and I feel harassed because of his creepy actions and words towards me. Boyfriend isn't doing anything about it, I feel very alone.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 17:37

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

That's the first time I've seen a "well I'll just gently caress her and her Chad" twist on the usual nice guy stalker horror story.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 17:49

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Double homicide and suicide in the works

# ? Jan 9, 2017 17:52

tsa: Feb 3, 2014

Dial-a-Dog posted:

One of my favorite parts of this thread is when goons will, apropos of nothing, project all over a post and reveal their own lovely lives, so thanks

Lol all this thread is is dumbfucks projecting after reading a biased one side account.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 17:55

Dial-a-Dog: May 22, 2001

That guy is going to turn her into a skin suit, she should probably go to the police if he keeps talking to her. I also can't imagine staying friends with a guy if he consistently harassed my girlfriend about having sex with him

# ? Jan 9, 2017 17:58

Krabboss: Nov 11, 2016; MY HUSBAND'S PARSE IS BETTER THAN YOURS

pretty hosed up this girl feels even an ounce of guilt about telling this guy to stop pestering her for sex.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 18:05

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Dial-a-Dog posted:

That guy is going to turn her into a skin suit, she should probably go to the police if he keeps talking to her. I also can't imagine staying friends with a guy if he consistently harassed my girlfriend about having sex with him

tbh it sounds like she's misreading the situation, she should step out of the way and let those two gently caress each other all they like

# ? Jan 9, 2017 18:21

Adam Vegas: Apr 14, 2013

tsa posted:

Lol all this thread is is dumbfucks projecting after reading a biased one side account.

did you gently caress Sue

# ? Jan 9, 2017 18:25

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

/r/Rashomon

quote:

Long story short, About 5 months ago, I had a crush and sort of, but not an actual relationship with my best friend's current girlfriend (Jasmine [19/f]) with which he (Bruce [19/m]) had actually been in a relationship twice a while back in high school. We had "gone our separate ways" about 2 months ago out of a recently discovered misunderstanding and that caused me to become quite anguished being that I'm leaving for basic training in a few month's and she was my last chance at a true relationship for quite a while.

After that Bruce, Jasmine, and I started hanging out together as a friend trio. I began to feel like maybe she was willing to try again with me since we were getting closer to each other by the day, only to find out 3 weeks ago, she was getting closer to Bruce and not myself. (I know this sounds like it's based out of jealousy but it's not)

I fell into the worst depression I have ever felt in my life and it was so tremendous that I (being the kind of person who was known for being stoic and unfeeling most of the time) had many nights after that where I had to cry myself to sleep. (I know, so manly.. right?) I was left in a dark place and naturally that depression leaked out into my social life to the point where my friends started (jokingly) calling me edgy and emo. (I didn't really mind) After a while I started using memes and jokes of all kinds to cheer myself up and help the healing process. Most of which both Bruce and Jasmine understood and often enjoyed.

About a week ago I was at Bruce's house (which I am about once a week) when Jasmine showed up to hang out with Bruce. She had known I was there and had not said that she didn't want me there. Apparently I found out she was trying to get me to leave but being who I am, I don't get social gestures very well. While we were hanging out, jokingly (me being the third wheel in the room) I brought up the idea of a three way. (tbh, I was partially hoping they'd agree to doing it, but I knew it wasn't really going to happen) We all laughed and discussed it as if it would ever happen. Bruce seemed the most put-off by it while Jasmine was jokingly borderline about the idea but was opposed to actually partaking in it in real life. We made jokes about it including pictures of people flashing "finger guns" suggesting the question "three way?". Apparently as I have recently found out, she thought I was coming on to her for suggesting it even though I was clearly making a joke that for the most part even Bruce understood was a joke.

Over the course of the week I keep sending these "finger gun" pictures to not only Jasmine, but also Bruce as an inside joke along with the other typical memes I send to them. Then 3 days ago, I bring up an argument to the discussion we were having the other night through text to Jasmine about three ways where Jasmine said "the third party should be someone you don't know to protect the relationship" and me, being curious as I always am, looked up articles written by people who have done three ways and a majority of them said "it should be someone who is close to both parties because it is healthier physically, mentally, and to the overall relationship" being cold, hard, written factual evidence and my autistic, aspergers, non socially understanding mind said I should bring them up to Jasmine because she thought otherwise. She then proceeds to send a screenshot of the message that I had sent her and she sent that screenshot to god knows how many people (I only found out how many people because Bruce later told me but I wouldn't have otherwise known) and told me that she had done that. Me, being very sensitive about my sexual life and what I know where only my closest friends know how much I know, I felt very nervous, embarrassed, and betrayed. I had believed the whole time that Jasmine had understood that any mentioning of three ways from that night on was purely satirical and was not serious in any form of the word. I had felt betrayed because I felt that she would keep an inside joke and/or my deep personal life between us and no further and she had broken that trust. I, still having been depressed from earlier, had been sent to an even darker and more delusional state of mind. I proceeded to ignore Jasmine for two days and go completely radio silence with her.

I now understand that was immature but it's what I had felt was my best course of action for the time. I was actually ready to not talk to her again unless she happened to be with Bruce when I was with Bruce. But then the other night, Bruce brought to my attention that he wanted Jasmine and me to be friends again so I decided to write a long sorry text to her explaining that I acted immature then explained my reasoning behind my actions by telling her how she had embarrassed me and betrayed my sacred trust. (even though it was only sent to Bruce and her best friend (name unknown)) Jasmine then proceeded to translate that as me saying that it was her fault (which is sort of was but I over reacted to) and said that I was "borderline sexually assaulting her" by sending her the "finger gun" pictures and referring to the discussion the other night when she had never given any clear evidence of telling me to stop or that she didn't like me sending them to her.
Now she wants Bruce to stop talking to me permanently to "teach me a lesson" even though I had not done anything wrong, or so I thought. Bruce is now stuck at a crossroads I didn't want him to be in at the moment, deciding between me or Jasmine.

tl;dr: A small, light hearted private joke is suddenly hurting my friendship with Jasmine and now she's threatening to make Bruce cut ties with me as well. I honestly don't know what to do or if I'm even in the right... please help.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 18:39

Dial-a-Dog: May 22, 2001

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

tbh it sounds like she's misreading the situation, she should step out of the way and let those two gently caress each other all they like

The old threesome fakeout brojob gambit, of course how didn't I see it

# ? Jan 9, 2017 18:43

DLC Inc: Jun 1, 2011

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

/r/Rashomon

LOL this dude is the epitome of pathetic. holy poo poo what a loser memelord

# ? Jan 9, 2017 18:48

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

/r/Rashomon

This guy is basically Andrew from the previous story but also a weeaboo.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 18:50

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# ? Jun 2, 2024 23:01

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Ride The Gravitron posted:

[19/m] I didn't gently caress her [18/f] but she told everyone I did and that I'm an rear end in a top hat. Should I just let it go?

Everyone involved in this story, except for the poor innocent girl, is the worst kind of terrible rear end in a top hat. The dude is the shittiest of them all with how he describes in great detail how "fat" and "unattractive" she is. Sure dude, I get you weren't attracted to her, but you just come across as even more of an unrepentant, misogynistic cockmunch by describing her like that. I'm sure she isn't even that overweight or unattractive, knowing some bro dude posting on reddit. She's almost certainly chubby and fine looking. Dude is a smelly garbage person with hosed up standards. What kind of gross assclown pulls the "Oh yeah, you should probably wait to lose your virginity" during a drunken college hookup that he initiated anyways? Then he plays the story off as him being the victim and not the innocent girl that he and his horrid friends dragged through the mud. Just plain embarrassing and tactless.

I feel really bad for Sue and she deserves none of this from being denied during a drunken hookup to having her name smeared all over campus. Poor girl needs a decent circle of respectful friends. :smith:

Cough Drop The Beat fucked around with this message at 18:56 on Jan 9, 2017

# ? Jan 9, 2017 18:52

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