/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Tolkien minority: Feb 14, 2012

Ride The Gravitron posted:

TL;DR boyfriend broke up with me, I got blackout drunk and somehow got into his flat to try and talk things through with him and tell him how I felt. Don't know how to redeem myself, or how to show my face in the pub again. Highly embarrassed.

lmao at some people on reddit saying this is not a big deal and if you think it is you just dont "understand uk culture"

# ? Jan 9, 2017 21:43

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 6, 2024 05:57

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Long, but worth it.

My (28f) boyfriend (31m) creates comic books about our arguments instead of apologizing and it has become unbearable.

quote:

So my boyfriend and u have been together for nearly theee years, let's call him Bobby. Bobby does have a condition that I won't name but you'll probably be able to guess at with context. Recently he lost his job and started to turn in on himself a bit and it has worsened his condition. I give him a lot of slack with emotional issues but this has really gone to far.

Bobby has always had a dream of becoming a famous comic book writer. He draws and writes a series ( let's call it Wondergirl). And he's actually really good! He has created 20 instalments and is hoping to be published one day. He uses me to soundboard ideas and I am usually the first to see his stuff.

Here's the problem; I'm pretty sure he has been turning our fights/issues into plot devices as a way to apologize for things. He has been working on these comics since before we met but once we started getting serious it looked like the main character (Sam) started to become more like me. I don't want to sound being but Sam used to be this super intense, take no poo poo kind of girl but now enjoys painting and reading in cozy coffee shops, which are two of my hobbies. She's also started to look a bit more Asian just like me�.Bobby and I have always enjoyed taking some time each day to update each other on our lives and he usually updates me on what's happening in the story. Recently several big issues of ours are becoming plot devices, here are some;

1. My sister just had a baby but I've been unable to meet her. Bobby and I moved to Florida for the job he ended up loosing (they down sized so it wasn't his fault). I was really bummed about it but there was no way we could afford to go to Montana. He got a little annoyed at my mopping, he's an only child with distant parents so he doesn't get the importance I place on family. His basic argument was that he is supposed to be my family now and if I save up I can go visit eventually so he couldn't understand why I was upset. A week later Sam has a side plot where she finally accepts that her brother Rick is dead and can't be brought back but is happy she still has her girlfriend Angela who is her new family. He gave me this big speech about how Sam doesn't let the past hold her back and just keeps her focus on what is really important.

2. I was molested by my dad as a kid. Bobby knew this since about a year into our relationship. Before we moved in together I had actually thought I was mostly over this. Now though we have sex a lot more often and it turns out I'm not as over it as I thought. A few months ago I tried talking to him about this. Mostly I was saying certain things were difficult for me such and being held down or having sex from behind. I said these things weren't now a hard no, mostly just that it can't happen suddenly and I need sweet talk instead of dirty talk if we do stuff like that. The point totally WHOOSHED over his head. He started by saying I was trying to tell him he was bad in bed, switched to me just trying to make him the bad guy in the relationship (I crashed our car a few days before and he thought I was trying to one up him) and at one point said I was �politely� trying to accuse him of raping me. It got so stressful that I ended up apologizing for springing it on him just to get him to poo poo up. I was pretty pissed, I actually nearly dumped him over it but calmed down when I realized that it is probably a little nerve wracking to be told your girl friend has rape flashbacks during sex and you never noticed. I was going to bring it up in a few weeks and give him one more chance.

BUT THEN GUESS WHAT?! It turns out that the mysterious secret Sam has been hiding about her superhero mentor is that he molested her. Bobby went on and On about how well it fit, that that exaplains pretty every single one of her issues and that she obviously still blames her self. It was revealed when Angela jokingly chockes her a little and Sam freaks out and then goes into this long flash back. So I basically sat there, shocked, listening to him describe these horrible rape stories similar to mine and give all these �'poor sam� statements. It actually hurt extra because of how sweet and tender Angela was to Sam considering when I tried to talk to Bobby about this he acted like I was the bad guy. I also hated the maybe implication that I blamed myself for being raped by an adult and that any negative emotions I ever have stem from that and not, for one example, his own douchbag behaviour.

1. The last example. Bobby is pretty easy going 99% of the time. However in certain situations he can just loose it. This usually happens when his schedule is changed too much or his in a room that is expenctantly loud and crowded. He's not violent at all but will have a bit of a melt down. When we were shopping at target a few weeks ago we got stuck in a big Xmas shopping crowd and when he asked for his chewing gum (he uses it to distract himself in these situations) I realized we forgot it. He completely looses it. He screams at me at the top of his lungs, claiming I forgot it on purpose and that I did it because I don't love him and at one point just collapses onto the ground. I ignore his behaviour and walked over to a store to get more gum. It was actually not a huge deal for me because I work with children with his condition so I can tune it out pretty well and it has only ever happened two times. I expected an apology but instead the next day he shows me the latest script for his comic book. It had Angela also having a big melt down (worse than bobby�s) but Sam understanding her tortured past and loving her anyways. He said something like �Sam knows that Angela doesn't mean to be like that, she wants to be normal but can't help it. Sam loves her anyways and Angela loves Sam so much, it hurts her when she hurts Sam.�

The problem with all this is I never get an actual apology for any of this! I don't even know if this is actually the best way he can communicate his feelings or if it is all just a coincidence. For all I know he still thinks that I tried accusing him of rape to deflect me getting into a wreck and the Sam thing is just juicy plot thing. But I keep avoiding talking to him about it. Right now I think it's likely he is trying to communicate the best way he can and I don't know what I'd even do if it turned out he thought everything he did was okay. Our relationship is okay when it's the first situation but is seems practically abussive if what he's saying is � sexual life is more important than your emotional wellbeing so sit and listen while I describe graphic rape scenes.�

Does anyone have any advice on what to do here?

# ? Jan 9, 2017 21:46

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

Dial-a-Dog posted:

the bar you went 20 minutes away from your parents place, where you live, "happened to be on the same street" as your ex, alright. That's an absurd amount for anyone to drink in a short time and, assuming she didn't drunkenly miscount, I think the only thing that kept her off the bar floor was the energy drinks

You know perfectly well why they have that rule

Probably. Once I stopped having caffeinated mixed drinks I went from drinking until 3 AM to getting really sleepy after a couple drinks and knocking off to bed around midnight.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 21:46

the bitcoin of weed: Nov 1, 2014

WampaLord posted:

Long, but worth it.

My (28f) boyfriend (31m) creates comic books about our arguments instead of apologizing and it has become unbearable.

it's like the Rick and Morty episode where tiny rick can only communicate his true feelings through song

that, or the dude is autistic and terrible

# ? Jan 9, 2017 21:50

Dial-a-Dog: May 22, 2001

WampaLord posted:

Long, but worth it.

My (28f) boyfriend (31m) creates comic books about our arguments instead of apologizing and it has become unbearable.

wonder what :spergin:

his condition :spergin:

might be

# ? Jan 9, 2017 21:56

Tolkien minority: Feb 14, 2012

WampaLord posted:

Long, but worth it.

My (28f) boyfriend (31m) creates comic books about our arguments instead of apologizing and it has become unbearable.

"my boyfriend is a piece of poo poo who throws tantrums in public and took my admission of being molested as a personal attack on his sex skills, should i stay with him anyways?"

# ? Jan 9, 2017 21:59

Lockback: Sep 3, 2006; All days are nights to see till I see thee; and nights bright days when dreams do show me thee.

World spins, years pass, same old, same old.

My [23F] boyfriend [27M] cheated, now wants an open relationship. Should I just do it?

quote:

I have been dating Tommy for almost two years. When our relationship is going good, it's going REALLY good. We're so solid, understand each other so easily, love each other more than I've ever loved anyone. He's the best and it's the longest, most intense relationship I've ever had.

However, Tommy isn't great with monogamy. Partly, I think this is just because he has a really super high libido and wants to have sex at least 3x/day. I'm more of a 3-4 times a week type. And partly, I think it's because he's just a really adventurous, social person, and he's around cute girls a lot and has a hard time holding back if they give him attention.

So, long story short, I caught Tommy cheating. This isn't the first time I've suspected, but it's the first time he admitted anything. I found some hair in our shower drain that didn't look like mine (it was blonde, I have brown hair) and saw a suspicious text (I didn't snoop - his phone was sitting on the table and it popped up). He admitted what had happened, cried and said he was sorry and never meant to hurt me, bla bla loving bla.

The thing is, this conversation basically ended with him saying "you're right - I hosed up big time, and it's because I suck at this kind of relationship." So, he proposes having an open relationship instead.

I don't know how to feel about this. First, I don't know if I'm cut out for an open relationship. But I also think what he said is reasonable - he just wants more sex than I do, and it isn't fair for him to pressure me into having more sex, or me to pressure him into having less, so the fairest thing is for him to be able to look elsewhere.

Second, I'm worried about Tommy getting TOO involved with someone else. What if he falls in love with someone else and breaks up with me?
Third, I don't know how to set this up in a way that makes sense. The relationship would be open on his end but not on mine. In a way, this makes sense...after all, HIS needs not being met is the problem; my needs are more than taken care of, so it isn't fair for me to seek out anyone else. I get that. But at the same time, it feels unbalanced. I don't think I'd go after anyone else either because I'm just not interested in anyone else and feel like I'm past my "random hookups" phase, so maybe it would be stupid to push it.

Any thoughts? Anyone done the open relationship thing successfully? What kind of agreements do we need to make and what do I need to watch out for?

tl;dr: BF cheated because he has a higher libido than me/needs to have sex with more people. His proposal is to turn it into an open relationship. I think it makes sense, but have hesitations. Looking for input.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:03

WAY TO GO WAMPA!!: Oct 27, 2007

Lockback posted:

World spins, years pass, same old, same old.

My [23F] boyfriend [27M] cheated, now wants an open relationship. Should I just do it?

quote:

Basically, the way he explained it is that having an open relationship for him is a way to keep our relationship functioning without him feeling the need to pressure me into having more sex than I want. But if I was to have sex with someone else, it would be cheating because I wouldn't be satisfying a legitimate need. He pointed out that if I ever want to have sex, he won't turn me down (which is true, he has never once turned me down when I've initiated/asked, whereas I turn him down all the time).

Just crazy to see someone actually type this out

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:07

Tolkien minority: Feb 14, 2012

why doesnt he just j/o lol.

putting money on this dude being really hot

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:09

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

WampaLord posted:

Long, but worth it.

My (28f) boyfriend (31m) creates comic books about our arguments instead of apologizing and it has become unbearable.

Is there a link to the webcomic?

E: comic man and the Writing Writer from Coheed & Cambria would get along great.

Pvt.Scott fucked around with this message at 22:15 on Jan 9, 2017

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:11

Demon Of The Fall: May 1, 2004; Nap Ghost

3 times a day, holy moly.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:11

Porfiriato: Jan 4, 2016

Dial-a-Dog posted:

I wonder what his condition might be

This guy is like an alternate-universe Chris-chan who managed to move out of his parents' house, get a job, a girlfriend, and (presumably) laid.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:13

El Estrago Bonito: Dec 17, 2010; Scout Finch Bitch

WampaLord posted:

Long, but worth it.

My (28f) boyfriend (31m) creates comic books about our arguments instead of apologizing and it has become unbearable.

Yeah this dude clearly has an un-medicated anxiety disorder and possibly narcissistic tendencies. He needs a therapist ASAP and she needs to dump his dumb rear end.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:14

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

WampaLord posted:

Long, but worth it.

My (28f) boyfriend (31m) creates comic books about our arguments instead of apologizing and it has become unbearable.

man this started out a kinda sweet little sperg love story and then went downhill fast

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:16

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

I am disappointed there wasn't a descrption of loss.jpg

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:18

Dial-a-Dog: May 22, 2001

Tolkien minority posted:

why doesnt he just j/o lol.

putting money on this dude being really hot

Excuse me, I think he pretty clearly expressed sex (with other people) as a need, not jerking it like some close minded monogamist. Ugh, whatever your opinion on open relationships (they're stupid and for idiots) I'm pretty sure the worst way to start one is right after you got caught cheating

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:20

100 degrees Calcium: Jan 23, 2011

WampaLord posted:

Long, but worth it.

My (28f) boyfriend (31m) creates comic books about our arguments instead of apologizing and it has become unbearable.

It's weird to me that she classifies these comic book developments as apologies. It seems like, in most of the examples, Sam (the girl's apparent insert) bears the burden of wrong-doing or learning a lesson in coping with lovely people, not Angela (the boy's apparent self-insert). They seem less like apologies and more like passive-aggressive point-making to "win" the arguments.

Like oh wow, Sam totally learns that it's nbd if her girlfriend flips out and throws a tantrum a public. How is that even close to an apology on behalf of the person throwing tantrums?

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:20

Tolkien minority: Feb 14, 2012

Dial-a-Dog posted:

Excuse me, I think he pretty clearly expressed sex (with other people) as a need, not jerking it like some close minded monogamist. Ugh, whatever your opinion on open relationships (they're stupid and for idiots) I'm pretty sure the worst way to start one is right after you got caught cheating

i know you're being facetious and a life without sex will def gently caress a dude up (see: incels, mras, half the internet) but lol if u cant handle only getting laid 3-4 times a week and use it to morally justify cheating

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:26

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

100 degrees Calcium posted:

It's weird to me that she classifies these comic book developments as apologies. It seems like, in most of the examples, Sam (the girl's apparent insert) bears the burden of wrong-doing or learning a lesson in coping with lovely people, not Angela (the boy's apparent self-insert). They seem less like apologies and more like passive-aggressive point-making to "win" the arguments.

Like oh wow, Sam totally learns that it's nbd if her girlfriend flips out and throws a tantrum a public. How is that even close to an apology on behalf of the person throwing tantrums?

I can sort of maaaybe see the middle one as an apology because it includes a model of how he ought to have behaved. The other two are just great big fuckyous. Also, lol that she has a job herding :spergin:

kids then comes home to this.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:27

Personal Lucubrant: Oct 18, 2016; Just thinking about what to do with all the money I don't have.

Just lol if you're in a binary male/female monogamist relationship in <current year>. If you're not trans, gay, bi, pan, poly, furry, demi, otherkin or whatever, just kill yourself for being so lame and boring.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:34

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Tolkien minority posted:

i know you're being facetious and a life without sex will def gently caress a dude up (see: incels, mras, half the internet) but lol if u cant handle only getting laid 3-4 times a week and use it to morally justify cheating

dude is probably a sex addict

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:35

Lone Goat: Apr 16, 2003; When life gives you lemons, suplex those lemons.

Tolkien minority posted:

why doesnt he just j/o lol.

putting money on this dude being really hot

Jerk off, are you kidding? It's been established that the only real sex is Penis in Vagina sex, the rest doesn't count! At all!!!

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:41

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Lol comic man is basically the parents from Gone Girl, he's writing a better fictional version of the girlfriend he wishes she was.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:48

JFairfax: Oct 23, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Everyone involved in this story, except for the poor innocent girl, is the worst kind of terrible rear end in a top hat. The dude is the shittiest of them all with how he describes in great detail how "fat" and "unattractive" she is. Sure dude, I get you weren't attracted to her, but you just come across as even more of an unrepentant, misogynistic cockmunch by describing her like that. I'm sure she isn't even that overweight or unattractive, knowing some bro dude posting on reddit. She's almost certainly chubby and fine looking. Dude is a smelly garbage person with hosed up standards. What kind of gross assclown pulls the "Oh yeah, you should probably wait to lose your virginity" during a drunken college hookup that he initiated anyways? Then he plays the story off as him being the victim and not the innocent girl that he and his horrid friends dragged through the mud. Just plain embarrassing and tactless.

I feel really bad for Sue and she deserves none of this from being denied during a drunken hookup to having her name smeared all over campus. Poor girl needs a decent circle of respectful friends.

"oh I'm sure an american woman isn't that fat or unnatractive"

lol goddamn, yeah, she probably was loving hell.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:48

Ride The Gravitron: May 2, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

JFairfax posted:

"oh I'm sure an american woman isn't that fat or unnatractive"

lol goddamn, yeah, she probably was loving hell.

Lol

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:49

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

JFairfax posted:

"oh I'm sure an american woman isn't that fat or unnatractive"

lol goddamn, yeah, she probably was loving hell.

Have you seen college aged kids? They tend to not have had the time yet to get really fat.

I'm not saying it's impossible to be overweight/obese at 18, but it's harder.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:52

Orange DeviI: Nov 9, 2011; by Hand Knit

JFairfax posted:

"oh I'm sure an american woman isn't that fat or unnatractive"

lol goddamn, yeah, she probably was loving hell.

Midwest poster spotted

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:53

Tolkien minority: Feb 14, 2012

WampaLord posted:

Have you seen college aged kids? They tend to not have had the time yet to get really fat.

I'm not saying it's impossible to be overweight/obese at 18, but it's harder.

as someone at a college voted one of the fittest in the country that is rather fit themselves: lol theres tons of fattys bruh

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:54

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Tolkien minority posted:

as someone at a college voted one of the fittest in the country that is rather fit themselves: lol theres tons of fattys bruh

I remember everyone being relatively thin/normal my freshman year besides a couple of mega fatties who clearly had been that way for a while.

Walking around campus all the time helps keep the weight off.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:56

Dial-a-Dog: May 22, 2001

There are tons (lol) of hugely fat college kids, pls don't stereotype

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:56

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

WampaLord posted:

Have you seen college aged kids? They tend to not have had the time yet to get really fat.

I'm not saying it's impossible to be overweight/obese at 18, but it's harder.

Uh, you didn't see fat kids until your post -college life?

There are fat kids in preschool ffs.

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:57

Tolkien minority: Feb 14, 2012

WampaLord posted:

I remember everyone being relatively thin/normal my freshman year besides a couple of mega fatties who clearly had been that way for a while.

Walking around campus all the time helps keep the weight off.

idk what to tell you bruh its definitely a smaller percentage relative to the general population but you're living in a fantasy world if you think there are no fat freshman (or any year) at any given college besides like maybe westpoint or something lol

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:57

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Dial-a-Dog posted:

I wonder what his condition might be

They see me rollin, they hatin, you left my bubble gum on puuurrrpoooose

# ? Jan 9, 2017 22:59

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

I am surprised that the comic book guy has not been hired by either Marvel or DC yet, seems right up their alley

# ? Jan 9, 2017 23:02

100 degrees Calcium: Jan 23, 2011

Pick posted:

I am surprised that the comic book guy has not been hired by either Marvel or DC yet, seems right up their alley

Marvel Exec, reading a comic about a grown woman throwing herself on the ground over gum: "Holy poo poo, this is exactly the topical and original content we need!"

# ? Jan 9, 2017 23:03

100 degrees Calcium: Jan 23, 2011

"Tell me, Mr. :spergin:

, where do you get your ideas?"
"*sweating* I watch the news."

# ? Jan 9, 2017 23:04

Fat Shat Sings: Jan 24, 2016

Dial-a-Dog posted:

I wonder what his condition might be

I, too, would let my 31 year old partner throw themselves on the ground having a tantrum and screaming at me that "I forgot their bubblegum on purpose" and then follow that up directly with "My only problem is I feel like I'm not getting apologies"

# ? Jan 9, 2017 23:08

Nancy: Nov 23, 2005; Young Orc

Pearnicious posted:

Just lol if you're in a binary male/female monogamist relationship in <current year>. If you're not trans, gay, bi, pan, poly, furry, demi, otherkin or whatever, just kill yourself for being so lame and boring.

OH no. I'm super gay, but also kind of boring. Will realizing I'm part elf make me less boring or should I immediately open up my relationship, turn childfree, and get stupidly into Harry Potter?

# ? Jan 9, 2017 23:31

Automatonic Water: Jul 8, 2012; dig thru the ditches
and burn thru the witches
and slam in the back of my.........
.........DRAGULA; Yams Fan

Charles Get-Out posted:

OH no. I'm super gay, but also kind of boring. Will realizing I'm part elf make me less boring or should I immediately open up my relationship, turn childfree, and get stupidly into Harry Potter?

Why not both?

# ? Jan 9, 2017 23:57

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 6, 2024 05:57

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

JFairfax posted:

"oh I'm sure an american woman isn't that fat or unnatractive"

lol goddamn, yeah, she probably was loving hell.

Lol. Nice meme bro. I bet all the girls love you. :thumbsup:

Considering the average weight of college women, or women period, it's much more likely that douchebag bro's sex partner was just typical chubby and okay looking. But he overreacted hardcore because he's a. a terrible person b. realized he made a bad decision in retrospect and played up her "unattractiveness" because he felt embarrassed over wronging her. It's not hard to read in between the lines.

Cough Drop The Beat fucked around with this message at 00:31 on Jan 10, 2017

# ? Jan 10, 2017 00:26

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

«‹›6020 »