DIVISIONAL N/V - And then there was chalk. - The Something Awful Forums

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Pron on VHS: Nov 14, 2005; Blood Clots
Sweat Dries
Bones Heal
Suck it Up and Keep Wrestling

I'm purebred

# ? Jan 10, 2017 21:49

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 11, 2024 12:22

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

Ehud posted:

I just found out this weekend that my niece is pregnant. She's 17. My sister is going to be a grandmother at 33.

lol if you didn't grow up as white trash in a trailer

Looks like your niece made it longer than your sister then so... progress?

My cousin had her first kid at 16, also nearly went to jail for injecting the hit that OD'd and killed the father

# ? Jan 10, 2017 21:55

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

Intruder posted:

Looks like your niece made it longer than your sister then so... progress?

Like ten more generations and they will be appropriately aged

# ? Jan 10, 2017 21:56

kiimo: Jul 24, 2003

As a 1/16th Blackfoot I can tell you the best thing about being a minority if nailing white chicks.

# ? Jan 10, 2017 21:57

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

Ehud posted:

Like ten more generations and they will be appropriately aged

Teach them that working IT and doing deadlifts will keep those hormones in check

# ? Jan 10, 2017 21:59

TITTIEKISSER69: Mar 19, 2005; SAVE THE BEES
PLANT MORE TREES
CLEAN THE SEAS
KISS TITTIESS

I'm Canadian

:silent:

# ? Jan 10, 2017 22:07

Kalli: Jun 2, 2001

Half chinese, half french-canadian stock that slowly migrated south to Rhode Island over a couple hundred years.

So yeah, I'm a banana. It's my people's word, we can use it.

# ? Jan 10, 2017 22:09

JPrime: Jul 4, 2007; tales of derring-do, bad ~~and good~~ luck tales!; College Slice

Ehud posted:

I just found out this weekend that my niece is pregnant. She's 17. My sister is going to be a grandmother at 33.

lol if you didn't grow up as white trash in a trailer

I had my first kid at just barely 18, my second at 19...they're now 19/20 and so far thank jeebus i'm not a grandpa yet.

# ? Jan 10, 2017 22:15

Pron on VHS: Nov 14, 2005; Blood Clots
Sweat Dries
Bones Heal
Suck it Up and Keep Wrestling

i love too sire children

# ? Jan 10, 2017 22:22

Bip Roberts: Mar 29, 2005

The pedigree of my children is gonna be off the hook!

# ? Jan 10, 2017 22:26

Pron on VHS: Nov 14, 2005; Blood Clots
Sweat Dries
Bones Heal
Suck it Up and Keep Wrestling

From birth i will teach my children how to tie knots, Judo, and the Mozambique technique

# ? Jan 10, 2017 22:28

Amy Pole Her: Jun 17, 2002

Let's just hope none of them look like Philbin!

# ? Jan 10, 2017 22:31

warcrimes: Jul 6, 2013; I don't know what's it called, I just know the sound it makes when it takes a J4G's life.

https://twitter.com/NFL/status/818932381512060928

What?!

https://twitter.com/Jimmy_Durkin/status/818931383993122816

Okay

https://twitter.com/JohnMiddlekauff/status/818930834220560384

# ? Jan 10, 2017 22:33

Pron on VHS: Nov 14, 2005; Blood Clots
Sweat Dries
Bones Heal
Suck it Up and Keep Wrestling

Amy Pole Her posted:

Let's just hope none of them look like Philbin!

I don't get it

# ? Jan 10, 2017 22:37

sean10mm: Jun 29, 2005; It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World

Kalli posted:

Half chinese, half french-canadian stock that slowly migrated south to Rhode Island over a couple hundred years.

Me too!

_{OK, only the Rhode Island part.}

As an aside, AncestryDNA is fun because you can learn that whole swathes of your supposed ethnic background were totally made up!

# ? Jan 10, 2017 22:38

shyduck: Oct 3, 2003

https://twitter.com/AdamSchefter/status/818935425674973184

# ? Jan 10, 2017 22:41

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

sean10mm posted:

Me too!

_{OK, only the Rhode Island part.}

As an aside, AncestryDNA is fun because you can learn that whole swathes of your supposed ethnic background were totally made up!

I signed up for Ancestry and found a lot of interesting things. I found the divorce filing for my great grandfather that I was named after and the reason for divorce was "gross neglect and extreme cruelty"

:hellyeah:

pieces of poo poo all the way down the tree

# ? Jan 10, 2017 22:42

the good fax machine: Feb 26, 2007; by Nyc_Tattoo

swickles posted:

So on to the Chiefs. There is this I guess.

Friends,
I'm sorry to say but I cannot and will not be watching any more football this season (although I haven't been doing much since the Hill debacle) and I do not think I will be watching any more for a very long time. You see, I've been forcing myself to follow my old sport even after the Chiefs abandoned me. It's mostly due to loyalty and tradition; I like watching the sport after all. I even chose to follow the Jaguars for a season to keep my flagging football interests alive. No affront to them (I still believe a 10-6 season is on the horizon after Gus Bradley was fired! Bortles will be top ten for sure!) but my heart wasn't in it. Even when I do arrive here on this forum and watch football while posting, I cannot keep my righteous anger over the drafting of Tyreek Hill at bay. This may surprise you but your friend Parm has a little bit of a temper sometimes I should have quit the sport the moment Hill was drafted but I held on naively, like a drat fool, hoping the best would happen and that Justice would prevail. All of you who called me out on this were correct. Thank you for your honesty. I will definitely appreciate it.

Truly, the NFL has made it clear that it is no longer for me. Every year that goes by, another team falls off the list of respectable teams and another abuser gets signed for mega-bucks. It's hard to keep cheering for such a sport as I get older and older. I always assumed my team would be clear and they would learn the lesson of Jovan Belcher but John Dorsey and Andy Reid forgot that. So did the fans. I'll never forgive people for cheering his name in Arrowhead. I can't abide by it. If I don't make a stand, I'll be justifying anything while football just becomes fouler and fouler. It's enough to have ten evil teams but now there's going to be at least fifteen here before too long. What happens if there's twenty? I'm not standing by to find out. So, this is it: I am officially finishing my posting career in TFF and my football fandom altogether. We've had some good times, my dear friends, but I need to leave for the well-being of my own psyche.

Before I go, however, I have some more to say. As the most controversial poster in this forum, I must resolve some hanging issues:
1. My posting was never a gimmick. I have never posted with a gimmick and I never will. I post sincerely and without irony about issues I care quite a bit about and I always have. I might be wrong about some things (and Lord knows I have been) but I always post from the heart. I admit that I have "trolled" some people before so as to create some laughs but I have never ascribed to a gimmick style. In fact, I consider all the desperate posters chasing after me to accuse me of gimmicking to be gimmick posting themselves. Truly disappointing.
2. My evil team's list is real and fair and I respect and admire anyone else who creates their own. It will be different than mine and as long as you can justify it, then it's just as valid. I would ask my friends to always consider a list of teams and players they personally despise on an ethical level as that's the simplest and most basic form of sports fandom.
3. There are certain arguments with regards to my old team that I refused to engage in. One is the fallacy that every team probably has a bad player on it so just stop caring. I would hate to be so cynical. The second involves the biggest Chiefs tragedy of all time: Jovan Belcher. Some dastardly posters tried to troll me using that awful event and I hope they are ashamed of themselves for doing so. I avoided this argument because it was, uh, bad and not much fun to talk about, you know? The answer was always pretty simple and obvious but certain posters engaged in bad faith arguments with attempts to "get" me so I'll handle it now and forever. Scott Pioli handled the Jovan Belcher situation as best he could by giving a moment of silence to the victims of domestic violence and setting up a fund for Belcher's orphan. This is clear and obvious.
4. Alex Smith is still bottom five in the league and that's always been true and I've always been right about it.

If you would like to keep in touch with me, please know that I will be on SA still. I'm thinking about seriously getting into the NBA (a much more Just sport) so you might even see me in those threads. My Twitter handle is @lakdifflanchzed (it's an old account named after my first D&D character so lay off ). I'll not be giving off my facebook or my tumblr at this time. In the meantime, I intend to find another thing to channel my hobby energy into.

Perhaps a day may come when I begin posting again. A lot of things have to change but I don't think football will be around in any real good state for much longer. It's going to be like NASCAR pretty soon. Goodell will see to that. If I am to return, the following things must happen:
1. Goodell is fired and a new GM willing to punish players and teams for actual misdeeds and not hosed up socks or whatever. Maybe someone who's not a lovely owner shill?
2. Andy Reid, John Dorsey, Tyreek Hill and Alex Smith are no longer in the league in any serious way.
3. Ben Roethlisberger, James Harrison, John Elway, Tom Brady, Bill Belichick, Jameis Winston, Frank Clark, Adrian Peterson, Dorial-Green Beckham, Terrell Suggs, Aqib Talib, TJ Ward, Dan Synder, Jeremy Hill, and probably several others I'm forgetting at the moment must also be removed from the league and from league history. Ray Rice, Josh Brown, Greg Hardy and Perrish Cox need to remain exiled for life.
4. For gently caress's sake take OJ's loving bust out of the hall goddamn it's not that hard to just put the thing in a loving wheelbarrow and just push it out the back and into a ravine

Once I am satisfied with the state of the NFL I will perhaps return. It seems unlikely and I doubt even then I'll have the time to care. Time moves on after all and so must I. There are many good posters here and I'll always treasure the memories I have. Rams/Hawks 7-9 bowl? Amazing. Steeler fan meltdowns? Can't forget it. But it's time to leave for me. I wish that take this one thing away from this thread: Always stand up for Justice in whichever way you think you can. Never give in to cynicism and forlorn acceptance. If you truly care about something, then you must care. I have deeply cared for football and will probably do so for a time yet. I wished that it would become the force for change that I knew it could be. I was disappointed but instead of hanging on out of habit, I will move on and find something I can care about guilt-free. If you care as I do, then maybe it's time to stand up for the sport and demand better as I have done for the past however many years.

Please feel free to have a discussion about some of the finer points that I've brought up tonight. Evil teams, the fate of football, gently caress Alex Smith. Whatever you guys want. Go for it.
Thank you all and Happy Holidays!

# ? Jan 10, 2017 22:45

kiimo: Jul 24, 2003

I have the same last name as an assassin but spelled differently.

I found out it was changed to distance my family from said assassin.

# ? Jan 10, 2017 22:51

Kalli: Jun 2, 2001

sean10mm posted:

Me too!

_{OK, only the Rhode Island part.}

As an aside, AncestryDNA is fun because you can learn that whole swathes of your supposed ethnic background were totally made up!

How many bathtub marys are too many? asking for the city of Cranston.

# ? Jan 10, 2017 22:51

weird Asian candy: Aug 23, 2005; Ask me about how my football team's success determines my self worth, and how I wish I lived in New Orleans.

kiimo posted:

I have the same last name as an assassin but spelled differently.

I found out it was changed to distance my family from said assassin.

Is your last name Creeed?

Also, I'm a mutt. All of your ancestries belong to me.

# ? Jan 10, 2017 22:52

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

kiimo posted:

I have the same last name as an assassin but spelled differently.

I found out it was changed to distance my family from said assassin.

Is that so, kiimo Auditor de Firenz.

# ? Jan 10, 2017 22:54

kiimo: Jul 24, 2003

weird Asian candy posted:

Is your last name Creeed?

Joruus

# ? Jan 10, 2017 22:54

Nissin Cup Nudist: Sep 3, 2011; Sleep with one eye open

We're off to Gritty Gritty land

I'm white as all hell and my fetish is not having sex

# ? Jan 10, 2017 22:55

Amy Pole Her: Jun 17, 2002

Ehud posted:

I signed up for Ancestry and found a lot of interesting things. I found the divorce filing for my great grandfather that I was named after and the reason for divorce was "gross neglect and extreme cruelty"

pieces of poo poo all the way down the tree

Ancestry was a gift from my aunt to the whole family, she bought the entire package and sent it to us.

Except we noticed one tree missing. She put in the dude who signed the Declaration of Independence (our direct line, who later moved to Canada ironically enough?), and his brother who started one of the largest shipping industries in Virginia..

But she left out the dude who moved to St Augustine and became one of the largest slave traders/owners in all of Florida. Which is especially funny because I guess he died without any heirs and yet here we are, moving back to Florida (and the US) in 1935.

# ? Jan 10, 2017 22:55

sean10mm: Jun 29, 2005; It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World

Kalli posted:

How many bathtub marys are too many? asking for the city of Cranston.

The only rule I know of governing them is that you definitely aren't supposed to stack them vertically on top of each other.

# ? Jan 10, 2017 22:56

weird Asian candy: Aug 23, 2005; Ask me about how my football team's success determines my self worth, and how I wish I lived in New Orleans.

kiimo posted:

Joruus

I like your last name. That's a good last name.

# ? Jan 10, 2017 23:01

Grittybeard: Mar 29, 2010; Bad, very bad!

Amy Pole Her posted:

But she left out the dude who moved to St Augustine and became one of the largest slave traders/owners in all of Florida. Which is especially funny because I guess he died without any heirs and yet here we are, moving back to Florida (and the US) in 1935.

Nah you gotta own that poo poo. Like half of my family swears we're related to Jesse James and they're all proud as hell about it.

# ? Jan 10, 2017 23:06

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

There are only seven games left boys and girls.

# ? Jan 10, 2017 23:25

kiimo: Jul 24, 2003

Many of us do not work on Monday.

Hello playoffs day drinking.

# ? Jan 10, 2017 23:26

Its Rinaldo: Aug 13, 2010; CODS BINCH

Kalli posted:

Half chinese, half french-canadian stock that slowly migrated south to Rhode Island over a couple hundred years.

So yeah, I'm a banana. It's my people's word, we can use it.

fellow yellow outside white inside

# ? Jan 10, 2017 23:26

A Man and his dog: Oct 24, 2013; by R. Guyovich

I am 30 and a white man.

Goooooooooooooo Redskins!

# ? Jan 10, 2017 23:28

FUCKFACE MORON: Apr 23, 2010; by sebmojo

kiimo posted:

Many of us do not work on Monday.

same

# ? Jan 10, 2017 23:35

No Irish Need Imply: Nov 30, 2008

Chichevache posted:

There is a reparations council?

You blew it, kid.

# ? Jan 10, 2017 23:37

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

No Irish Need Imply posted:

You blew it, kid.

My last name is also major popular in West Africa because great great great whoever decided if he couldn't own them he didn't want them living here! :smithicide:

# ? Jan 10, 2017 23:52

Pron on VHS: Nov 14, 2005; Blood Clots
Sweat Dries
Bones Heal
Suck it Up and Keep Wrestling

My first name is a hated NFL players last name

# ? Jan 10, 2017 23:53

Grittybeard: Mar 29, 2010; Bad, very bad!

SHOAH NUFF posted:

My first name is a hated NFL players last name

Must be hell going through life named Elway.

And please tell me you changed your own forum name and there isn't another name change thread. I was just now catching up.

# ? Jan 11, 2017 00:01