OSHA: definitely bent in the straight places

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > OSHA: definitely bent in the straight places

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

Jesus Christ posted:

I'm 6' and ~140lbs and I'm a loving twig but otherwise healthy. I want to gain some weight but I just don't have the appetite for it. How the hell do people get fat?

Different metabolisms, diets and exercise

# ? Jan 12, 2017 03:03

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# ? May 15, 2024 01:04

Facebook Aunt: Oct 4, 2008; wiggle wiggle

Jesus Christ posted:

I'm 6' and ~140lbs and I'm a loving twig but otherwise healthy. I want to gain some weight but I just don't have the appetite for it. How the hell do people get fat?

http://www.disclose.tv/action/viewvideo/152728/Why_Are_Thin_People_Not_Fat_Documentary/

# ? Jan 12, 2017 03:17

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

Jesus Christ posted:

I'm 6' and ~140lbs and I'm a loving twig but otherwise healthy. I want to gain some weight but I just don't have the appetite for it. How the hell do people get fat?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0390521/

# ? Jan 12, 2017 03:18

Bunni-kat: May 25, 2010; Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?

Jesus Christ posted:

I'm 6' and ~140lbs and I'm a loving twig but otherwise healthy. I want to gain some weight but I just don't have the appetite for it. How the hell do people get fat?

An unhealthy relationship with food. When I was in college, I was ordering a box of 80 chicken wings once or twice a week, and could eat two large pizzas in an evening by myself. I wasn't that hungry, but my mouth wanted to be busy. I'm stupid tall, so my excessive weight didn't show as badly as it should have, but I lost 50 lbs this year just by changing how I deal with food.

# ? Jan 12, 2017 03:22

JB50: Feb 13, 2008

Jesus Christ posted:

I'm 6' and ~140lbs and I'm a loving twig but otherwise healthy. I want to gain some weight but I just don't have the appetite for it. How the hell do people get fat?

Wait til youre older and your metabolism slows down.

# ? Jan 12, 2017 03:41

Arms_Akimbo: Sep 29, 2006; It's so damn...literal.

RandomPauI posted:

That is clearly an airport or a minimum security prison.

They needed a high school really fast, so they bought like seven prefab "pods" designed for warehouses, connected them up, put up some internal walls made of vinyl and called it a school.

That whole front area with the nice glass didn't exist when I went there. It was just a pair of doors surrounded by cement.

# ? Jan 12, 2017 05:05

Gromit: Aug 15, 2000; I am an oppressed White Male, Asian women wont serve me! Save me Campbell Newman!!!!!!!

JB50 posted:

Wait til youre older and your metabolism slows down.

Yeah, this is me. Unfortunately I stayed thin for the most part but put weight on around my middle. You tell people you're on a diet and they look at you like you're crazy because you way less than 75kg.

# ? Jan 12, 2017 06:29

Drunk Driver Dad: Feb 18, 2005

I'm pretty sure barring some rare condition, metabolisms don't vary much more than 5-10%. I could be wrong on the exact figuring though. People are really bad at estimating calories. I've gone from 170ish to almost 200 the past couple years, but I also started drinking like 3-5 beers a day, more on some weekends, along with eating more fast food because I work a lot. So there you have it.

# ? Jan 12, 2017 09:36

Humphreys: Jan 26, 2013; We conceived a way to use my mother as a porn mule

It came from facebook:

# ? Jan 12, 2017 09:43

Masturbasturd: Sep 1, 2014

It's not even the "too gay to be useful" funny is what it is and I'd like to review the OSHA guidelines for gayness before proceeding

# ? Jan 12, 2017 09:52

The Sausages: Sep 30, 2012; What do you want to do? Who do you want to be?

Humphreys posted:

It came from facebook:

Reminds me of the first ever chainsaw, the Ostetome.

For speedy amputations, legs off within 5 minutes guaranteed! :unsmigghh:

# ? Jan 12, 2017 10:06

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

The Sausages posted:

Reminds me of the first ever chainsaw, the Ostetome.

For speedy amputations, legs off within 5 minutes guaranteed!

Probably saved quite a few lives.

# ? Jan 12, 2017 10:07

Sentient Data: Aug 31, 2011; My molecule scrambler ray will disintegrate your armor with one blow!

Nobody understands just how long 5 minutes is until they're on the receiving end of that without anaesthesia

# ? Jan 12, 2017 10:16

Synthbuttrange: May 6, 2007

That's why you have to do it fast.

Which has its own problems:
http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2012/10/time-me-gentlemen-the-fastest-surgeon-of-the-19th-century/264065/

quote:

Imagine lying on a table in a old-school operating room. Faces stare down at you from the viewing galleries above, and your leg throbs with pain from a broken bone -- infection is just starting to set in. The door opens and three men in blood-stiffened aprons walk in, carting a collection of knives and saws. Two of them grab your shoulders and arms and pin you to the table. The third picks out one of the knives from the cart.

"Time me, gentlemen," he calls out to the gathered spectators. "Time me."

The man grabs your leg and begins to cut just below the knee. He continues to hold onto your leg as one of his lackeys gets a tourniquet around it. To free his cutting hand, he clasps the bloody knife in his teeth and picks up a saw. He cuts back and forth through the bone, drops the severed leg into a bucket filled with sawdust, and sews you up, to the applause of the men sitting in the wings. As promised they've timed the whole procedure -- from first incision to clipping the loose threads on the sutures -- at just two and a half minutes.

---

Liston's quick hands were so sought after that patients sometimes had to camp out in his waiting room for days waiting for their turn to see him. Liston tried to see every last one of these patients, no matter their condition. He especially loved treating those cases that his fellow surgeons had dismissed as beyond help, which earned him a reputation among colleagues as being showy.

Occasionally, Liston's speed and showmanship actually were a hindrance to his operations. Once, he took a patient's testicles off along with the leg that was being amputated. His most famous (and possibly apocryphal) mishap was the operation where he was moving so fast that he took off a surgical assistant's fingers as he cut through a leg and, while switching instruments, slashed a spectator's coat. The patient and the assistant both died from infections of their wounds, and the spectator was so scared that he'd been stabbed that he died of shock. The fiasco is said to be the only known surgery in history with a 300 percent mortality rate.

# ? Jan 12, 2017 10:23

qkkl: Jul 1, 2013; by FactsAreUseless

Image going under for some routine surgery and waking up with no cock and balls.

# ? Jan 12, 2017 11:15

Helios Grime: Jan 27, 2012; Where we are going we won't need shirts; Pillbug

qkkl posted:

Image going under for some routine surgery and waking up with no cock and balls.

Sentient Data posted:

Nobody understands just how long 5 minutes is until they're on the receiving end of that without anaesthesia

# ? Jan 12, 2017 11:37

Letmebefrank: Oct 9, 2012; Entitled

Kid of OSHA as well:

Microsoft staff 'suffering from PTSD'

http://www.bbc.com/news/technology-38592089

quote:

Their jobs involved viewing and reporting material, communicated via Microsoft services, that had been flagged by automated software as being potentially illegal.

quote:

Mr Soto viewed "many thousands of photographs and videos of the most horrible, inhumane and disgusting content one can imagine," the papers said.

"Many people simply cannot imagine what Mr Soto had to view on a daily basis as most people do not understand how horrible and inhumane the worst people in the world can be."

In an internal employee review, Mr Soto was praised by his bosses for having "courage". However, he said the work resulted in him suffering "panic attacks, disassociation, depression, visual hallucinations" as well as the inability to be around young children, including his own son.

Doing so would remind him of "horribly violent acts against children that he had witnessed," the court papers said.

# ? Jan 12, 2017 11:47

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

quote:

In an internal employee review, Mr Soto was praised by his bosses for having "courage". However, he said the work resulted in him suffering "panic attacks, disassociation, depression, visual hallucinations" as well as the inability to be around young children, including his own son.

And people thought that Apple�s standard of �courage� was a poor one.

# ? Jan 12, 2017 12:11

JFairfax: Oct 23, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

erm, why don't they get pedophiles to police that sort of content?

they wont be distressed by it

# ? Jan 12, 2017 12:14

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

JFairfax posted:

erm, why don't they get pedophiles to police that sort of content?

they wont be distressed by it

A lot of it might be non-sexual. I bet there's also a lot of photos and video of IDF murdering children and that sort of thing.

Oh wait that's probably not illegal.

e: I forgot I had that nice avatar.

# ? Jan 12, 2017 12:19

Kennel: May 1, 2008; BAWWW-UNH!

Goons will do it for free.

# ? Jan 12, 2017 13:02

Sentient Data: Aug 31, 2011; My molecule scrambler ray will disintegrate your armor with one blow!

We did unintentionally. There was a thread a while back about a tool that would pull a couple dozen random imgur images at a time, and we would post the weird/funny stuff we found. It went just fine for a couple pages, then we found out that people were putting cp even on imgur. We all dropped out like flies after either coming across one or believing that the reactions weren't jokes, and we ended up submitting a collective couple dozen fbi lead reports and shuttering the tool

# ? Jan 12, 2017 14:42

Cugel the Clever: Apr 5, 2009; I LOVE AMERICA AND CAPITALISM DESPITE BEING POOR AS FUCK. I WILL NEVER RETIRE BUT HERE'S ANOTHER 200$ FOR UKRAINE, SLAVA

qkkl posted:

Image going under for some routine surgery and waking up with no cock and balls.

Pretty sure 50% of the population routinely wakes up from surgery with no cock and balls and it's no big deal.

# ? Jan 12, 2017 14:49

mobby_6kl: Aug 9, 2009; by Fluffdaddy

They just have no idea what they're missing!

# ? Jan 12, 2017 17:35

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

So my company just tried to send me out on deliveries in the back of a panel van with no seats sitting on unsecured cargo weighing 1-200 pounds.

With highway driving in a major city.

I told them to give me the stops and I'd follow with my car. Wondering if I'll get push back on this at the end of the day.

# ? Jan 12, 2017 18:04

GnarlyCharlie4u: Sep 23, 2007; I have an unhealthy obsession with motorcycles.

Proof

Jesus Christ posted:

I'm 6' and ~140lbs and I'm a loving twig but otherwise healthy. I want to gain some weight but I just don't have the appetite for it. How the hell do people get fat?

or just wait until you're 30 and your body gives up on you.

GnarlyCharlie4u fucked around with this message at 18:13 on Jan 12, 2017

# ? Jan 12, 2017 18:08

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

Jesus Christ posted:

I'm 6' and ~140lbs and I'm a loving twig but otherwise healthy. I want to gain some weight but I just don't have the appetite for it. How the hell do people get fat?

Seriouspost: Have you tried working with computers?

# ? Jan 12, 2017 18:11

Dr.Smasher: Nov 27, 2002; Cyberpunk 1987

Jesus Christ posted:

I'm 6' and ~140lbs and I'm a loving twig but otherwise healthy. I want to gain some weight but I just don't have the appetite for it. How the hell do people get fat?

If you smoke, stop smoking. I packed on 30 lbs after I quit because that changed my appetite significantly.

# ? Jan 12, 2017 19:01

VendaGoat: Nov 1, 2005

Dr.Smasher posted:

If you smoke, stop smoking. I packed on 30 lbs after I quit because that changed my appetite significantly.

Food is a whole different experience when can actually taste it.

# ? Jan 12, 2017 19:05

Yawgmoth: Sep 10, 2003; This post is cursed!

JB50 posted:

Wait til youre older and your metabolism slows down.

People have been telling me that for 15 years and every year only serves to prove them all more and more wrong. I'm 6'1 150lbs, I have an office job with nerd hobbies, and I still eat like a pro swimmer. I am the envy of pretty much everyone I tell this to.

Tonight for dinner I'm gonna have an entire pizza with a few beers and then probably have a box of cereal for dessert.

# ? Jan 12, 2017 19:37

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

Yawgmoth posted:

People have been telling me that for 15 years and every year only serves to prove them all more and more wrong. I'm 6'1 150lbs, I have an office job with nerd hobbies, and I still eat like a pro swimmer. I am the envy of pretty much everyone I tell this to.

Tonight for dinner I'm gonna have an entire pizza with a few beers and then probably have a box of cereal for dessert.

All the fat is in your arteries. Enjoy your coronary :mmmhmm:

# ? Jan 12, 2017 19:39

VendaGoat: Nov 1, 2005

Yawgmoth posted:

People have been telling me that for 15 years and every year only serves to prove them all more and more wrong. I'm 6'1 150lbs, I have an office job with nerd hobbies, and I still eat like a pro swimmer. I am the envy of pretty much everyone I tell this to.

Tonight for dinner I'm gonna have an entire pizza with a few beers and then probably have a box of cereal for dessert.

Yah, I had a friend like you. 6'3 140 pounds. Used to eat twinkies and double stuf oreos by the cart load. Whole milk to wash it all down.

Well, he's pushing forty now and has just blown the gently caress up.

Good luck!

# ? Jan 12, 2017 19:44

Yawgmoth: Sep 10, 2003; This post is cursed!

Jerry Cotton posted:

All the fat is in your arteries. Enjoy your coronary

Last doctor's visit said my heart is healthy and all my assorted humors are just peachy!

# ? Jan 12, 2017 19:45

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

Yawgmoth posted:

Last doctor's visit said my heart is healthy and all my assorted humors are just peachy!

You'll be amazed to find the heart and blood vessels are completely different organs.

# ? Jan 12, 2017 19:46

JB50: Feb 13, 2008

Yawgmoth posted:

People have been telling me that for 15 years and every year only serves to prove them all more and more wrong. I'm 6'1 150lbs, I have an office job with nerd hobbies, and I still eat like a pro swimmer. I am the envy of pretty much everyone I tell this to.

Tonight for dinner I'm gonna have an entire pizza with a few beers and then probably have a box of cereal for dessert.

I take it youre under 40?

You could also try lifting weights. I packed on 20 pounds the past couple of years, but my waistline hasnt changed.

# ? Jan 12, 2017 20:09

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

Synthbuttrange posted:

That's why you have to do it fast.

Which has its own problems:
http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2012/10/time-me-gentlemen-the-fastest-surgeon-of-the-19th-century/264065/

Is this what speed runners did before video games?

Thank goodness technology has given them a safe outlet for their mental illness.

# ? Jan 12, 2017 20:14

Proteus Jones: Feb 28, 2013

JB50 posted:

I take it youre under 40?

You could also try lifting weights. I packed on 20 pounds the past couple of years, but my waistline hasnt changed.

Yeah, after I hit 40 it was like a switch was flipped. But for me it was the greater temptation to go "ah... I'm just going to sit around. I'm just not *feeling* working out today".

# ? Jan 12, 2017 20:20

Robo Reagan: Feb 12, 2012; by Fluffdaddy

The Archaic posted:

Part of me really wanted that gumball machine to get hit and gumballs fly everywhere.

then the car could keep trying to stand up but it'd slip and fall every time

# ? Jan 12, 2017 20:20

Yawgmoth: Sep 10, 2003; This post is cursed!

Jerry Cotton posted:

You'll be amazed to find the heart and blood vessels are completely different organs.

Okay fine Captain Pedantry, all of my everything is fine. Of everything that a doctor checks in a set of routine labs, 100% of it came back within acceptable parameters for a 32 year old white male. I am suffering no ill effects from my diet of ungodly amounts of food, except for the constant hunger that comes from having the metabolism of a 16 year old runner.

JB50 posted:

I take it youre under 40?

You could also try lifting weights. I packed on 20 pounds the past couple of years, but my waistline hasnt changed.

I am, and I should but I have no room in my apartment and there's no decent gym nearby.

# ? Jan 12, 2017 21:16

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# ? May 15, 2024 01:04

Powershift: Nov 23, 2009

Yawgmoth posted:

Okay fine Captain Pedantry, all of my everything is fine. Of everything that a doctor checks in a set of routine labs, 100% of it came back within acceptable parameters for a 32 year old white male. I am suffering no ill effects from my diet of ungodly amounts of food, except for the constant hunger that comes from having the metabolism of a 16 year old runner.

I am, and I should but I have no room in my apartment and there's no decent gym nearby.

do you have a couch? lift your couch.

# ? Jan 12, 2017 21:20

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