remigious posted:

I wish that breaking up was more socially acceptable in our culture. So many people's lives would be vastly improved. Breaking up should be celebrated, not stigmatized! I mean, it's sad of course, but ultimately for the best.

quote:

I(30f) got caught putting a gps in my boyfriend (51m) car because he doesn't tell me where he is. Got caught, and wants to end relationship. We have 3 kids
Relationships
submitted 8 hours ago by throwaway13132143

Throwaway because my bf knows my main account. I have been with my boyfriend since I was 18, I am now 30, he is 51 and we have 3 kids together. We got engaged put have been putting off a wedding due to financial issues. I have trust issues that I am in therapy for. My boyfriend is a small business owner and works long hours, only has dinner with me and the kids Sunday nights @830. I care for the kids, drop them off at school and my infant at a sitter and work in healthcare 9-5pm M-F. Recently, my boyfriend had been spending time with his employees, giving one of them (female) rides because she doesn't have a car. At one point a few months ago we got in an argument because he had taken her out to dinner and missed a family engagement (kids swim meet) but refused to tell me where he is.

I then put a gps tracker in his car. I do have trust issues stemming from fear of abandonment, and am in therapy myself. He has always refused to go to couples counseling. Last night, at 1am I asked him if he was still at work, he said yes, but when I looked at the gps tracker he was at this female employees house. I asked "really, you're still at the shop" he then got defensive and said he will talk to me when he gets home. When he got home, he admitted he was at this woman's house and said he was having dinner and admitted he knew about the gps tracker. He says I am "crazy" for putting it in his car, and that he couldn't tell me he'd been going over this woman's house because he knew I would "get crazy" he has a lock on his phone and refuses to show it to me I told him, when you are in a family you need to let your partner know where you are, especially when you have young kids 10,7 and 8months) He insists I am "crazy" and states he should be allowed to go and do whatever he wants whenever he wants, because he is not having sex with this woman. I am second guessing myself, I know it is a breach of trust to put the gps in his car, but I also think he should be able to tell me where he is at any given moment. He says I am "harassing him" But still refused couples counseling

I feel the relationship is going nowhere. There is a fundamental problem if someone is unwilling to tell someone where they are. I know so was wrong for going the gps route, but I felt it was my only option to know where he is. There is a lack of communication in the relationship, and he doesn't seem willing to work on it. I would like him to spend more time with me and the kids. But he is unwilling to try and blames his work as a small business owner.

Any advice is welcomed. I love him and want to stay together but I also need him to act like he wants to be in this relationship.

Tldr: trust issues stemming from my insecurity, boyfriend refuses to tell me where he is, spends very little time with the family, found a gps tracker I put in his car, and states I am "crazy" and I'm harassing him wanting him to spend more time in the relationship

Bonster posted:

Another entry in the age gap files.

"No, I'm not having sex with her. Just taking her to dinner and staying at her house in the middle of the night. What's your problem?"

WampaLord posted:

They met when she was 18, which would make him 39.

Lonely Virgil posted:

How do these guys keep up with having multiple family? Hell, my mom was only raising me and my sister and she would still get our names confused, imagine having like 10 secret kids you're trying to hid from family #3. Slipping up by calling Timmy Billy and the whole house of cards comes falling down.

quote:

I’m accepting of this and harbor no resentment towards her for not being attracted to me and hold nothing against her dating other guys.

Ride The Gravitron posted:

Bonster posted:

People are pointing out that it sounds an awful lot like she and her kids are not the only family he has. She owns the house and pays for pretty much everything, he chips in now and then and has dinner once a week at 8:30, and is almost never home.

Bonster posted:

Another entry in the age gap files.


"No, I'm not having sex with her. Just taking her to dinner and staying at her house in the middle of the night. What's your problem?"

bone app the teeth posted:

this isn't friendzone this is on the hook zone

Ride The Gravitron posted:

My [43M] alcoholic BIL [44M] tried to force himself on his wife[38F] and my sons [18M,17M] helped their aunt by restraining him. Now my wife[40F] wants to punish our sons for "assaulting" their uncle.

Sammus posted:

Holy poo poo. This sounds exactly like what my ex was worried about me doing to her . Only we were the same age and neither of us have kids or were ever married. She did background checks on me in all the states surrounding were I've ever lived to see if I had a marriage license anywhere. She would also grab my phone out of my hands and go through all of my text messages and randomly text my friends from my phone saying poo poo like "I'm hanging out with my super awesome girlfriend! Yay!"

We didn't work out.

Clocks posted:

Actually that sounds nothing like your story at all unless you were also cheating on your girlfriend and spending no time with her.

quote:

My [18M] sister [24F] got all pissed off at me because I asked her son [2M] to pass my beer to meNon-Romantic
submitted 3 hours ago by beersond
I don't understand what the big deal is, she's all pissed off at me. She's being a typical over protective mother. Andrew does not know what beer is. I just asked him to bring me my beer that was on the table right in-front of him. My sister grabbed and it took it to the kitchen. She poured it down the sink and she told me to grow up.
TL;DR: Everyone is on my sisters side after she overreacted.

MinionOfCthulhu posted:

bone app the teeth posted:

this isn't friendzone this is on the hook zone

Bonster posted:

Another entry in the age gap files.


"No, I'm not having sex with her. Just taking her to dinner and staying at her house in the middle of the night. What's your problem?"

Play posted:

Something a bit different, from a new story. Sorry about the crappy formatting, wasn't me

Ride The Gravitron posted:

Guys please need advice [28F] I tried to play hard to get and it backfired, now he [34M] is not calling me or texting me??

u/anongirl443222d

I took advice from my stupid friends and they told me that if you make him work for your affection, it always ends up in a better relationship that's guaranteed to turn long term.. when he puts in effort to make u open to him.... or so they said

I tried this with this guy I met recently at a convention (related to my work) and we had a few dates and I really liked him, but I tried to do it as my friends said and acted like I wasn't sooo interested (even though I was falling deep inside), and played down his advances towards me... he didn't push too hard and was very polite & a gentleman...

anyway its been almost a week now since our last date and he hasnt texted me or called me... i texted once saying Hi and what he's up to... but no reply , and I have no idea how else to get in touch with him... did I drive him away from my silly move?? I really want him back...

atleast, want to talk with him so I can be more clear about my feelings.... I regret this so much, he was so wonderful!

TL:DR - tried to be a smart rear end and played hard to get, drove him away possibly

54 40 or gently caress posted:

How christlike

Ride The Gravitron posted:

My [43M] alcoholic BIL [44M] tried to force himself on his wife[38F] and my sons [18M,17M] helped their aunt by restraining him. Now my wife[40F] wants to punish our sons for "assaulting" their uncle.

u/loudloudloud121m

Hey there. I feel like I've done everything in my powers to convince my wife that she is wrong in this but she doesn't budge. And it sucks that our kids have to pay for this. Fair warning, this is long.

To make a long story short, my BIL is an alcoholic. Ana (my wife) is practically the only family member of his family that still talks to him. He has long ago abandoned his wife and his daughters and now lives with some other woman who I can only guess also shares his habit of drinking. He now spends most of his days drinking or stalking and harassing his daughter and his ex-wife, begging them to take him back.

Before his behavior worsened, I didn't mind him at all. Ana would deal with him almost every time. He used to stop by the house, he'd spend some time with my wife, she would usually give him some money and he'd be on his way. Now with his behavior escalating (the whole stalking and harassing), I asked my wife not have him around the house to which she agreed. She would see him again but it's usually outside.

I've talked with Ana about this, that maybe it's time he gets some help and that maybe it will be for the best they cut contact for a while until he gets better. To which she replied that she can't, she feels responsible for him and can't abandon her brother. I didn't want to cause a huge scene over this, it's her brother after all and I couldn't force her to cut him out so I just reiterated to her that I don't want him around the house. I didn't want our kids to be exposed to his behavior.

We have three, our sons that I have mentioned and our daughter [15F]. They are amazing kids and I can't be thankful enough to Ana for how she raised them. She was a SAHM in the beginning but now works full-time. My sons get on extremely well with their cousins (BIL's daughters). They practically grew up together because my BIL's wife would often come to our house and my wife would help her with them.

Now here is the issue. A few days ago it was one of the cousin's 15th birthday and me, my wife and our two sons were there. It was a nice party and we had a good time. Until I heard a commotion in the kitchen. I went there and I saw my sons restraining their uncle while their aunt looked a bit shaken up.

My sons explained that they came into the kitchen and they saw their uncle trying to force himself on their aunt (later she'd explain he tried to kiss her) and had his arms around her which from where my sons were standing looked like he was choking her.

So they just restrained him. My oldest son pulled his arms away from her, while my younger son grabbed him from the back. They didn't punch him, slapped him or anything like that. They just removed him from their aunt. My wife came into the room shortly after me and her brother told her that he wanted to pay a visit to his daughter and spend the day with his family and that her sons assaulted him while he was talking to his wife. He also said that this isn't the first time they did this. He was obviously under the influence of alcohol but my wife wasn't interested in this.

Ana almost immediately told our sons to get in the car and wait there. She took her brother outside, they talked for a bit, came back in, talked with her SIL and she said to me that she will be taking the boys home. I followed her shortly after that in my car and once I entered our home, all Hell broke loose.

My wife was arguing with our oldest son and she was pissed. I honestly never saw her so angry before. She told him he must be out of his mind to assault his uncle like that. She also told him that as of now most of his privileges (like his car, phone, his gaming stuff) are taken away. Also, my wife forbid my son from appearing in this local boxing tournament that he has waited for about a year now.

When my son said that he is 18 now and she can't tell him what he can and can't do, my wife told him that if he indeed goes to said tournament, he can kiss his college fund goodbye. I tried to intervene but my wife just said in a very angry tone to stay out of this.

I've never seen my son look so defeated. He just screamed at my wife to go to Hell and stormed into his room. Mind you this is the first time he yells at his mom like that. I had a very lengthy argument with my wife over this. I told her that this is wrong, that our sons did what was right, they saw someone in need and helped them. Just like we've raised them.

But my wife was adamant that they attacked him unprovoked and this needs to stop. Apparently, Mark (our oldest) slapped his uncle once while he was talking to his daughters outside of school a few months ago. I never heard of such a thing from Mark (and we do share a lot) so this is all on my BIL word that this happened.

I bet if I call my nieces (I don't know if this is the right term, English isn't my first language so correct me if I am wrong here) and ask them, they will confirm that nothing like this has ever happened. I also know my son pretty well. Mark is not violent, he is boxing but it's for completely different reasons.

Ana said that this is also my fault. Apparently, me trying to normalize our son's behavior is part of the problem. She also said that what she is doing is right and that if I was doing the same, we wouldn't have been in this situation. She also said that she will find a fitting punishment of our other son.

I saw that we are getting nowhere so I've once again told her that what she is doing isn't right, that she needs to reconsider her behavior otherwise she risks alienating her son which I am sure she loves deeply.

I left the house shortly after our argument, I tried to talk for a bit with my son who didn't felt like talking at all before I left but I promised him I will help him with this. I am currently on a work related trip on the other side of the country and I don't know what to actually do. I know I promised my son I will fix this but I don't know how.

I love my wife but this thing with her brother needs to end. She takes his word for everything and she doesn't even see that this hurts her family. I don't know what else can I do to show her that her brother is a lost cause who doesn't want to get help and just keeps crawling back to her whenever he needs money.

This whole thing makes me resort to something I absolutely detest, ultimatums. But I don't want to go ahead with this because I don't know how she would react to it. I absolutely do not want to lose my wife, not over her alcoholic brother and his lovely behavior and I don't know what to do.

I think I can get to my wife the usual way. By talking to her but I don't know what to say and how to make her see that what she is doing is wrong. I guess my point is, what would you do/say if you were in my position? How would you handle this? I can definitely use some outside perspective on this and I will be forever grateful to you if you help me.

tl;dr My BIL is an alcoholic who spends most of his days drinking and harassing his family. During a birthday part of one of his daughters, my BIL showed up drunk and he tried to force himself on his wife. My sons saw that and they helped their aunt by restraining their uncle and now my wife wants to punish our sons for assaulting their uncle and already caused a sh*t storm with our oldest by taking away his privileges. He also allegedly attacked his uncle a few months ago but I doubt that this is true. My wife doesn't want to see that her brother's behavior is toxic and it causes problems in our marriage and she doesn't think that what she is doing wrong.

54 40 or gently caress posted:

How christlike

Mirthless posted:

tbh read the rest of the post and he kind of is

that girl is an emotional vampire and he should immediately

"you're hung up on me, and I don't want to date you, but you're also not allowed to date" is one of the most bizarre things you hear about again and again and again, I just don't understand it

Pick posted:

I am serious, it is really terrible to keep a guy on the hook and prevent him from having relationships if you do not have any intention of having a relationship with him yourself

Pick posted:

I am serious, it is really terrible to keep a guy on the hook and prevent him from having relationships if you do not have any intention of having a relationship with him yourself

Barudak posted:

The corect response is, unironically,, to tell the woman that he wants to open up their relationship.

Barudak posted:

The corect response is, unironically,, to tell the woman that he wants to open up their relationship.

quote:

I work for a fairly decent sized law firm. I get along with almost everyone there and I am well liked. I even just got a raise after 6 months of being there because I am a good worker and don't cause drama. which is why when I reported my evil co worker to HR I have many mixed feelings.

To be fair this co worker is the worst, shes bossy and rude, she always gets into everyone else's jobs instead of doing her own. She is 5'0 and about 300 pounds and diabetic so if you bring anything sweet in she looks at you and says "dont you know I'm diabetic!". She thinks she should be the supervisor but will never be because of her treatment of people. We are on the same level at work, we both do the same job just for different lawyers and she is always criticizing me because she's been there for a year and a half longer than I have.

So our director of operations brought in her daughters girl scout cookie form and put it in the breakroom for people to order cookies. I like cookies, I am a bit fat, I have never once mentioned "man I need to lay off the cookies" or "I need to diet" or anything like that. there were two other people in the break room, one of whom is the nicest person in the world. I mean so nice that you could probably stab her in the arm with scissors and she would say something like "oh its okay, Im sure you didn't mean to, the carpet can be slippery". and then the awful co worker . She smiles as I come in and fill up my ice in my water and walk over to order cookies.

"You're not ordering those for yourself right?"

If it hadn't taken me more than 10 seconds to comprehend what had just happened I would have attacked her, but nice co worker changed the subject very quickly and I left. I went straight to our HR person and I told her what happened. She was so upset she cried. I had meetings with upper management who were all disgusted by what she had said.

They called her in and gave her another warning (this is not her first meeting of this kind) she came over and asked to talk to me out in the hall.

it was one of the worst apologies I have ever received. She said that she was sorry that I interpreted what she said incorrectly, she was trying to tell me not to buy cookies for her because she's diabetic. 1. everyone knows you're diabetic, you mention it at least 4 days a week. 2. why the hell would I buy anyone but myself cookies? next excuse was when she turned herself into the victim when shes said "I know you don't like me, and I see you joke around with everyone and I was just trying to bond with you". by insulting me? yeah good idea, I have a best friend of 14 years and even she wouldn't say that to me. next excuse was "well I'm fatter than you, so clearly it was just a joke" ugh I really feel bad for going to HR but she just makes it so easy to hate her. Our supervisor just resigned and I know shes going to make my life hell if I don't pretend to like her. I may have to quit this job that I actually really like because this woman will drive me out.

tl;dr: CO worker indirectly called me fat, I reported her she got a slap on the wrist and I am seething with injustice.